Tales of the Almost Pirates
by WillieG.R
Summary: *Sukima Series Spin-off*  Join Captain Murasa, Chiyuri and Yuyuko as they mess around the skies for dominance.  Random events will leave all dumbfounded.  Will this end well?  Yes, but that doesn't mean we can't have some fun at their expense.  SDM added
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**This is a spin-off from my Sukima series, but does not fall under any timeline, except the fact that happens AFTER the fifth Sukima. All the events are random, and nothing makes sense, except for the fact that the characters are SUPPOSED to be pirates. The events that transpire here make no sense, but that's the point. It's all for a good and cheap laugh at the expense of some characters. Hope you'll enjoy! Oh, and whatever you do, don't get on those ships! (Contains harsh language)**

**On a side-note, I will be placing references here and there, mostly of Pirates of the Caribbean, for obvious reasons, if I can, ze.**

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* * *

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It's a beautiful spring morning at the Myouren Temple, where peace seems to reign above all else.

On the front courtyard, to the left of a bed of yellow and pink tulips that belong to Ichirin, which rest against the left edge of the newly installed gate wall, are Shou and the red-haired fairy she healed a short time ago.

Shou smiles as she shows the little fairy how to use a broom, her orangey-golden hair with black strands swaying along her white sleeves as she sweeps.

The little fairy, who wears an outfit exactly like Shou's, a burgundy-white dress with orange at the bottom, tiger stripes over the abdomen, long white sleeves, frilly pants, and black slippers, stares at Shou with awe.

Unlike Shou, the little fairy doesn't wear a Lotus-shaped ornament on her long, red-haired head, nor does she have a large cloth circle over her back, but she can carry one sharp spear, shorter than Shou's.

After sweeping some dried leaves into the flowerbed, Shou hands the broom to the little fairy and says "alright sweetie, your turn. Just like I showed you."

The fairy holds the broom on her tiny hands and stares at it, then flings her hands apart, holding on to the broom with her left hand, then gives Shou a powerful hug.

The tiger youkai expels some air from the impact, but instinctively returns the hug.

Once she realizes that the fairy is just stalling, she gently pushes her away, stands behind her, making her hold the broom correctly, and after a long sigh, she says "like this, little one. One-two, one-two, into the scoop, then you do this, grab the scoop, and dunk the leaves into the flowerbed."

As she explains, she motions the fairy to sweep, pick up the leaves, grab the scoop, and dunk those leaves into the bed.

The little fairy giggles and claps, making Shou giggle along as she says "hehe, there, you see? You can do it. And these dry leaves will feed these flowers to help them grow."

The little fairy grins mischievously, then jumps on Shou's back and wraps her arms around the youkai's neck, then starts to bite viciously, though surprisingly gently, on Shou's shoulders.

Shou sighs, then says "teaching you to behave is going to take a little longer than I thought."

* * *

At the back of the temple, in front of the large storage house, where a couple of young trees have been planted to adorn the path made with polished grey stone, Nazrin and Nue are having a heated conversation.

Nazrin stomps on the ground so hard, her short gray hair, brownish-black dress, gray capelet and necklace with her pendulum flop once, and as she stares at Nue with her red eyes, she says "it's not what you think, you pervert!"

Nue grins mischievously, dusts her short black dress, straightens her red bow around her neck, scratches her short black hair, then flaps her red blade-like right wings and her blue tail-like blue wings at Nazrin.

A snake that slithers out of her hair, coils around her right arm as she says "face it, you just want some alone time with her, but I'm telling you, Kogasa isn't like that."

Nazrin gets so furious, her large mouse ears start twitching, and while breathing fire, she shouts "I'm going to take your wings and rip you a new one, Nue!"

Nue waves her hands in front of herself and tries to calm Nazrin down, saying "c-come on, I'm just teasing y- wait, what are you doing?"

Before long, the mouse youkai grabs her own leathery tail and starts whipping it around, making a cracking sound in the air every time she flicks it.

Nue immediately starts to run to the main building of the temple, with Nazrin close behind her, trying to score a hit with her tail while shouting "you know I have to keep tabs on ALL of you, Nue! Stop protecting her already, or I'm sealing you!"

Two loud cracks from Nazrin's tail tells Nue the mouse youkai is aiming straight at her butt, and that she flicks that tail around with deadly accuracy, so in the midst of running in fear and panting, she manages to shout "c-come on *pant, pant*, I was only joking around! L-look... just go and find her, and leave me alone already!"

There is one final, and very loud crack from Nazrin's tail, quickly accompanied by Nue's screech, then Nue loudly says "you crossed the line, you cave scavenger! Undefined, Purple Mirror!"

Nazrin quickly and rapidly replies "cave scavenger my ass, you shapeless hag! Rod Sign, Nazrin Rod!"

Rapid and violent explosions begin to rock the temple, and come accompanied by Nazrin and Nue's rude curses and remarks, as well as their screams of pain from the bullet blasts.

* * *

At the porch of the temple's main building, Byakuren and Ichirin kneel on the floor while holding on to their teacups, and Unzan silently floats by, seemingly lying on his back, resting his head on his hands.

Byakuren wears her usual white dress with the black coat, that seems to be joined by laces around her chest.

Ichirin has her blue hood removed, showing off her light-purple wavy hair she's made into a cute ponytail, and seems to be waving it around to show it off to Byakuren, though the magician is too relaxed, and seems to be inside her own world, evident in that peaceful and whimsical smile on her face.

Giving up, Ichirin pouts as she takes a sip of tea, accidentally spilling some on her white dress, but instead of panicking, she simply sighs and says "anee-san is in a peaceful mood today, Unzan. She won't notice my hair. What should I do?"

Unzan has shrunk to the size of a mouse, and floats in front of Ichirin's face, snoring lightly.

The youkai sighs in defeat, places her teacup on the floor, then starts playing with Byakuren's hair, admiring how shiny her hair is, then gently slides her fingers all the way from the light-brown bottom to the purple top, then thinks "anee-san is so amazing. Even though she has two tones of color, her hair is as soft from top to bottom. I... I'm a bit jealous of her."

From the left corner of the temple, Parsee snickers as she stares at Ichirin; with her pointy ears, wavy blonde hair, her glowing green eyes, and wearing her stylish brown top with purple borders that are adorned with a white net-like motifs, her cool white scarf around her neck, her oddly appealing arm-warmers around her forearms, her neat blue skirt with the white sash as an adornment and belt, and beneath is all, a black dress.

How the hell is she not feeling all hot while wearing all that is anybody's guess, but one thing is for sure; she is very much enjoying the slight jealously Ichirin is feeling toward Byakuren, and with a wave of her right hand, she's making it worse.

Ichirin suddenly finds herself contemplating the pleasure of yanking a chunk of Byakuren's hair, then starts to sweat when the remembers there will be... uncomfortable reprisals, so she slowly lets go of Byakuren's hair.

Before she can let go, the girl with short turquoise hair, wearing a light blue skirt with a turquoise vest over a white long-sleeved shirt, a right turquoise eye, a red right eye, and carrying an eggplant-colored umbrella that has one eye and a large and long red tongue, jumps from the roof, sticking out her cute tongue while shouting "BERO-BERO-BA~!"

Instinctively, Ichirin grips Byakuren's hair tight as she pulls her arms toward her chest, exclaiming "KOGASA!"

The second Byakuren feels the hard tug on her head, her smile instantly vanishes, and is replaced by a frown as she screams in pain.

Kogasa points at Ichirin, laughs, then says "I got you! I really surprised you!"

Ichirin stammers as she looks at Kogasa, then at Unzan, then at Byakuren, then back at Kogasa.

She gasps when she realizes she has a few strands of hair from Byakuren's head on her hand, gasps, then looks at Byakuren with a terrified look and exclaims "oh no! Anee-san, I'm sorry!"

Kogasa looks at Byakuren and watches as she rubs her head while pursing her lips and clenching her eyes... then realizes what just happened when she notices the gold and purple strands on Ichirin's fist, then gasps.

Kogasa and Ichirin hug each other tightly, and Unzan takes the chance to take as many pictures as he can before flying away.

Byakuren's eyes glint as she turns to face the two terrified youkai girls, a vile, jagged-toothed grin covering her entire face, and slowly makes her way toward them, lifting her right arm to reach for the closest one of them.

The girls whimper as Byakuren's hand gets closer, and closer, then the magician reaches for Ichirin's teacup, kneels down, then sighs.

Kogasa and Ichirin have their eyes clenched shut as they embrace each other tightly to stop each other from trembling too violently, though that obviously did not work, then they slowly open one eye each, wondering why is the pain they were sure was coming to them hasn't come yet.

When they see Byakuren sipping on the teacup so contently, Kogasa asks "Byakuren-san, y-you're not mad?"

Ichirin gulps, then says "s-sorry anee-san. J-j-just got surprised and didn't think."

The girls wait for Byakuren to reply, but there is no reply at all, and slowly, the girls loosen their embrace and start to calm down.

Byakuren takes another sip, sighs, then says "such a lovely morning."

Kogasa and Ichirin let out a long and loud sigh, even closing their eyes, due to the great relief they are feeling, and when they open their eyes, they notice Byakuren's teacup has turned blue.

Ichirin smiles and asks "anee-san, is that a new spe..."

Kogasa stares at Ichirin, wondering why she stopped, but when she gets a better look at the splitting blue teacup, she realizes it's Byakuren's magical scroll.

The girls only have time for one quick squeal of pure fear before the entire front of the temple explodes.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the grounds just outside the temple, Minamitsu is enjoying some quiet time, polishing the Palanquin's bow while humming her song to herself.

After making sure the entire ship is glistening with the morning light, the captain, who wears her long white pants, white sailor's shirt with teal neck and borders that match her eyes, and captain's hat, which rests backward on her short black hair at the moment, swipes the sweat off her forehead and sighs with accomplishment.

As she breaks a smile at her sparkly-clean ship, a black blur breaks through the ship's bow, right where she was just putting the finishing touches on, and goes through to the other side, making a crater on the ground next to the ship, revealing it's a steaming cannonball.

Minamitsu's smile stays on her face, though it becomes more disturbing and sickening than anything else, and from the sky above, the voice of Chiyuri Kitashirakawa echoes all over the sky as she says "Minamitsu Murasa, the so-called captain of the Palanquin, I have come to declare WAR~!"

Minamitsu remains smiling disturbingly towards her ship, while on the sky, another flying ship reveals itself from behind some clouds.

It's bottom is painted in black, the top border gray, between the two colors, a thin red line, and on the bow of the ship, in large and bright red letters on the gray borders, is the name "S.S. In Your Face Murasa".

Though the ship looks like a well-built steel machine, to Captain Murasa's eyes, IF she would just look up already, it's just a pile of bamboo placed together to make an excuse for a ship, which in truth, it really is.

The deck reveals the unpainted large bamboo shoots that make up the ship, and on one of the farthest shoots over the deck, written in cursive, are the letters that read "Made by Yumemi Okazaki".

On the poop deck, where Chiyuri, who wears her undersized white sailor uniform with blue neckerchief and white hat on her blonde twin-tailed hair, mans the helm.

Yumemi, who wears a red dress with a black cape and a red springy capelet, and has her dark red hair tied up into a ponytail, sighs and face palms.

Chiyuri grabs what looks like a silver funnel with a silver hose attached to the bottom, and as she speaks through it, her voice echoes all over the sky, saying "aww, did I open a hole on your pwecious wittle ship! I'm sowwy... NOT! I'm going to TAKE YOU DOWN and prove that I am the better man for the job of CAPTAIN around here, once and for ALL!"

Yumemi chuckles as she lifts her right hand, pointing at the sky with her finger, then nervously says "um, actually, you are a girl... not a man."

Chiyuri pats her chest, gasps when she feels her breasts, then says "holy shit, you are RIGHT! I am a girl! Wait, I already knew that.", not knowing she said the whole thing through the funnel.

Yumemi simply face-palms, and when the girls look to the front, the Palanquin is already fixed to perfection, somehow, and is positioned right in front of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, then Minamitsu stands on the Palanquin's front edge, holding an anchor over her left shoulder and pointing at Chiyuri's ship with her right hand.

Fires and explosions surround her as her hair stands on ends and her eyes burst into flames, and ignoring the pain of the flaming eyes, Minamitsu grins disturbingly widely as she says "you blubbering landlubber, you messed with the WONG bitch! DIE~!"

With that last word, the entire Myouren Temple reveals themselves behind Minamitsu, and start shooting their danmaku straight at Chiyuri, while Minamitsu throws her anchor to the bamboo ship's deck.

With a deafeningly loud crack, Minamitsu's anchor breaks a hole through the ship's deck, and breaks all the way through to the bottom, and all Chiyuri can do is whimper as the bullets head her way and her ship starts to sort of 'sink', though being in the air, it should be simply 'falling'.

Yumemi chuckles, then says "I told you we should have paid that little extra for the insurance."

Chiyuri turns her annoyed eyes to Yumemi and says "oh, shut up!", then the Myouren girls' bullets reach Chiyuri and Yumemi that very moment, exploding violently on contact.

As the ship 'sinks' to the ground, victim of the unforgiving gravity, Chiyuri screams "this isn't over Murasa~!"

* * *

Moments later, don't ask how, Chiyuri's ship is completely fixed and already in the air, circling around a set area in the sky, along with the Palanquin.

Byakuren stands on the deck, dangerously close to the edge of the ship, wearing a dirty brown open sleeveless vest over a dirty white shirt, a short brown skirt tattered around the trims, a pair of thigh-high brown boots, and to top it all off, she has a violet eye-patch on her right eye.

On her right hand, she holds her blue scrolls, which seems to emanate a short beam from the tip, making it look like a sword, and as she swings it around, she giggles and loudly says "avast ye doggies, prepare to be boarded! Arr!"

She turns her childlike smiling face around, lifts her eye-patch so she can open both eyes, and asks "how was that?"

Behind her are Ichirin, who wears a red and white striped bandana, a lose t-shirt with red and white horizontal stripes, a white mini-skirt, and a pair of black boots, Unzan, who has a black eye-patch on his right eye, and Shou, who wears a dirty and stretched shirt with yellow and blue horizontal stripes under a small black sleeveless vest, a pair of black pants that cover down to her knees, and a black boot with a golden buckle around the ankle on the right leg only, seeing as she somehow has a peg, instead of her left foot.

Both girls have blood rushing down their noses as they stare back at Byakuren, and both raise a shaky right thumbs-up, then both fall on the deck, while Unzan silently stares.

Byakuren covers her mouth with her right hand, giggles, then says "yay, I'm doing it right!"

On the floor of the deck, Shou's eyes open wide as she thinks "she... she's doing it RIGHT?", and imagines Byakuren in a black, semi-transparent sleeping gown, kneeling on a large pink bed with a flushed face while saying "I'm doing it right!"

Shou's nose explodes with a gush of blood so powerful, she flies like a rocket toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa.

* * *

On the deck of the bamboo ship, Yumemi stands just beside the main mast while staring as the little youkai they hired as crew.

She wears a stylish, yet dirty white and pink striped shirt, a pair of pink jeans with holes on the right thigh and left calf, a black belt with a silver buckle, a pair of dark-brown ankle-high boots that are mostly covered by the tattered bottom of the jeans, and adorns her head with a small blue captain's hat with brownish-gold trims.

She looks around with a stern face and loudly asks "alright you pack of roaches, are the guns ready?"

Cirno flies straight toward the human, wearing a black eye-patch on her right eye, salutes Yumemi, then says "I was the one to ready the guns, ma'am! Wriggle is cleaning the deck."

Yumemi looks around while asking "wait, what are you talking about?", but when she takes a better look, Wriggle is cleaning the deck with a disgusting white rag that looks more like a rotten piece of flesh than a fabric cloth, wearing her usual white shirt, though with the sleeves ripped off, and around her are fifteen cockroaches, all wearing tiny pirate bandanas while scrubbing the floor with miniature scrubs.

Yumemi's face turns green with disgust, then says "t-tell your friends that... y-you know what, never mind."

Rumia and Mystia suddenly swing from the mizzen mast's top, Rumia wearing a red bandana with blue dots on her head, and has ripped her own skirt off, showing her yellowish bloomers to the world to all, and Mystia wears a blackish-brown rag she ties around her waist with an old rope.

Both shout "HYAH~!" as they come down from the mast, let go of the rope as it lashes upward, flip in the air, looking like two little balls, then land perfectly in front of Yumemi.

Chiyuri approaches the lot, and before Yumemi can ask, Chiyuri angrily demands "status report!"

Rumia quickly replies "the roaches are cleaning the deck, the ice fairy prepared the cannons, the night sparrow shivered her timbers, and I'm reporting to you, SIR! Er, I mean, ma'am!"

Chiyuri face palms while groaning, then glares at Rumia as she says "I mean, what are the other guys doing. You know, the enemy?"

Rumia salutes Chiyuri again and casually says "oh, that? There's a blood-propelled rocket headed our way, captain!"

Chiyuri's eyes widen with surprise, then she shouts "WHAT? Return fire!"

Cirno is already aiming the nearest cannon toward the enemy ship, pulls on a cord, but nothing happens.

She takes a better look at the cannon and realizes she froze the open end of said item.

She sweats a bit when she realizes what she did, then says "oops... the cannon's frozen, captain."

Chiyuri furiously shouts "WHAT?", then there is a deafening **boom**, a loud **crack**, a second of silence, then another crack that comes from the bamboo on the deck being ripped open by the head of one smiling tiger youkai as she is propelled by her own nose-blood back to the Palanquin.

As they begin to 'sink' to the ground again, Chiyuri face palms hard, making an echoing slapping sound, then asks "and where the HELL are that other fairy and that shadow youkai?"

Mystia smiles as she casually replies "Agava? She's in the kitchen, raiding the stores. Daiyousei is doing her best to stop her, but she's not doing so well."

The entire ship rocks so violently, Wriggle is sent screaming to the front of the deck along with her roach friends, while everyone else just fall on to the floor.

As she gets up, Chiyuri shouts "hey, it's impossible to have hit the ground already!"

From the Palanquin, Minamitsu shouts "you rotten blonde fiend!"

Everyone on the deck on Chiyuri's ship look toward the source of the voice and realize the ship's bow has crashed through the deck of the Palanquin, and now both ships are 'sinking' down to the ground below.

Chiyuri smirks, then says "I guess it wasn't a total loss."

Yumemi salutes Chiyuri as soon as she straightens out, then asks "captain, what should we do now?"

Chiyuri rubs her head and arranges her hat, then asks "why? What are you asking that for?"

Yumemi points toward the front deck, where Minamitsu and Nazrin, both wearing their normal outfits, hold kunai knives against the necks of Rumia and Wriggle, then Minamitsu demands "give me your panties, you so-called captain, and I might let you live!"

Nazrin lowers her ears as she looks in disbelief at Minamitsu, then asks "so how exactly will her panties guarantee our success?"

Minamitsu's face twists as her grin stretches from one ear to the other, then says "I'm gonna use it as a flag to show the world of my victory over this land lubber!"

Chiyuri grits her teeth as she lets out a soft growl, then approaches Yumemi and asks "did we pay them already?"

Yumemi smiles and replies "oh yes. Still, even with the swimsuit and pancake mixers sales, the sum was staggering. We'll have to resort to egg-beaters soon."

Chiyuri's eyes open wide and she gasps as though she's heard something beyond horrible, then exclaims "not the egg-beaters! Dammit, we have to save them!"

* * *

Before Chiyuri can give her definite answer, from the hole on the deck left by Shou when she rocketed through, jump Agava and Daiyousei.

Agava wears a yellowish-white vest and a golden-brown miniskirt over her purple ninja suit, held by a thick belt of the same brownish color, and a pair of matching thigh-high boots.

She holds a turkey leg on her right hand, and she seems to be using as a weapon.

Daiyousei wears hear regular blue dress and a simple lose light-brown belt that rests sideways around her hips, and holds what looks like a silver flower vase on her right hand, flapping her crystal-like wings with gold edges to soften her descent.

As they ready to land on top of Minamitsu and Nazrin, Agava shouts "for the captain~!"

The two well-packed girls; look at their chests; swing down their 'weapons', and Minamitsu and Nazrin find themselves overwhelmed, and release their prisoners in order to block the unfriendly attack overhead.

As they swing their knives in defense, the weapons cling loudly, except for Agava's drumstick, which gets cut in perfect slices that fly straight at Agava's ever-ready mouth whenever Minamitsu swings her knife.

Even though they are in the heat of battle, and she's doing very well for herself, Daiyousei speaks in a sweet and frightened tone of voice as she says "p-please stop this fighting!"

Chiyuri stomps on the floor, then loudly says "hey, the damned ships are sinking, so why the HELL are you even here? You should be over at your ship, running around in circles!"

Yumemi taps Chiyuri's right shoulder, then says "um, technically, we can't actually '_sink_', you know. We are in mid-air."

The four girls that were fighting before are now sitting on a plaid red and white blanket, enjoying the rest of the turkey while drinking some sake and laughing amongst themselves.

Cirno, Mystia, Rumia and Wriggle quickly join in, which infuriates Chiyuri even more.

The blonde 'captain' balls her hands into fists and raises them beside her head, then stomps her left foot repeatedly, while shouting "you ragged pack of idiots, what the **hell are you doing**?"

When she looks to her right to address to Yumemi, she notices she's not there, and is joining the picnic instead.

She takes a deep, deep breath, expels the gathered breath, calms herself down, then smiles as she shrugs and says to herself "forget it Chiyuri. Just wait until the ships hit bottom, then you can get back to being the angry bitch-captain."

She holds her peaceful smile for a little longer, then slowly realizes what she just said. Her smile slowly turns to a frown, she raises her left eyebrow, then looks up to the sky and says "wait, I said something wrong there. And what the hell is that?"

A small glint in the sky catches her attention, but long, **long** before she can even comprehend what she's looking at, the figure of Shou, the smiling tiger youkai, falls head-first between both ships.

The impact is so sudden and so powerful, the picnickers don't even take notice of the massive white orb of light emanating from the point of impact.

As the light covers the girls and the two ships, a large ghostly image of a smiling Shou appears in front of the light as she sighs contently and says "Hijiri is doing it RIGHT~!"

* * *

Later that day, both ships have been repaired to perfection; again, don't ask how, and you won't get hurt; and now circle each other in the sky while showering each other with magical bullets and cannon-balls, though, somehow... they keep missing.

At the Palanquin's cannon room, just under the ship's deck, Kogasa, who wears a lose brown belt with a rusty buckle, and a sky-blue bandana over her head, struggles as she carries a heavy barrel filled with gun powder toward her umbrella, which leans against the wall next to a large black cannon, and stares at her as though telling her to hurry up.

Nue, who wears a tattered, short, brown, sleeveless dress, a pair of thigh-high red and white striped socks and a pair of black boots with silver buckles, flies over Kogasa's head, quickly noticing she's struggling with the heavy barrel.

She floats down and lands to Kogasa's right, then smiles and says "here, lemme help you with tha-**AAT**!"

Not knowing what happened, Nue finds herself flying face-first toward the stairs to the lower rooms of the ship, along with a large sore spot on her butt.

Nazrin now stands right where Nue was, holding out her hands just as Kogasa lowers the barrel to chest-height and says "oh, thank you. This thing was really heavy. Eh?"

Nazrin smiles at Kogasa as she helps her by holding the barrel's right end and says "what are friends for? Come on, let's get this loaded, or Minamitsu's going to have another fit."

Kogasa stares curiously at Nazrin, then asks "wait, wasn't Nue here just now?"

Nazrin flaps her left hand as she smiles nervously and says "Nue? No, no, it was me the whole time. Come on, stop lollygagging and let's get moving."

Kogasa shrugs off her confusion and happily accepts Nazrin's help, saying "well, thank you very much Nazrin."

Meanwhile, over at the stairs, Nue peeks her furious face to glare deadly daggers at Nazrin, thinking "little bitchy rodent... she's gonna get it!"

* * *

Meanwhile, on the ship's deck, Minamitsu stands on the left, um, I mean, portside of the ship while shouting furiously at Chiyuri, who is about to jump from her ship to board the Palanquin.

Oh, and if you are curious, Chiyuri is on the starboard side of her ship... Minamitsu furiously shakes her left fist high in the air as she shouts "cut the crap already! Blondes will NEVER make good captains!"

Chiyuri gasps loudly after being so insulted, then her eyes grow large and turn white as she scowls and shouts back "you short-haired tomboy, I'm gonna make you eat those words!"

Minamitsu summons a ghostly anchor and raises it with both hands over her head, preparing to throw it with all her might while shouting "you small breasted codfish, I'm gonna keel haul you!"

Chiyuri growls, but seemingly calms down, turns around, bends over, shakes her hips, then says "at least I got a **WAIST**! What about you, miss square-board?"

Minamitsu twitches and winds her anchor, but stops when she realizes an eerie thick white mist blocks her view of Chiyuri's butt, her current target, so she lowers her anchor and squints her eyes to try and make something out, maybe a new target to aim her rage on.

At the same time, Minamitsu and Chiyuri ask "hey, what are you doing?"

Just as rapidly as the mist appears, it vanishes, just like that, but now, instead of having their sights set on each other, they are both looking toward the north, where a thick cloud of mist seems to be concentrating on something.

From the mist, the shape of a large ship, just slightly larger than the Palanquin, makes itself more and more visible as the mist disperses.

The ship is dark, and the crew seems to be just a bunch of spirits that keep running around in circles, as if not knowing what the heck they are doing at all.

On the ship's helm is Youmu, who wears her normal outfit, only, her green vest is open, revealing a light-blue and white horizontal stripped shirt underneath, and a light-brown body belt where her swords are sheathed on the sides, and kunai knives and bombs rest.

She looks incredibly annoyed, with a look on her eyes that says "_hey world, I'm doing this because I was force to._", yet, the captain and the blonde sailor can't help but be amazed that, instead of the main and mizzen mast, there is an exact replica of the Hakugyokurou shrine, save for the tall extensions the serve as the actual masts.

On top of what should be the main mast, is Yuyuko, smiling whimsically as she looks through a telescope, wearing a very large black pirate's hat with a red swirly ghost symbol on the brim, an extravagant black jacket with very long sleeves, many pockets filled with napkins of all colors over a simple white shirt that has a large opening on the chest, letting the world see her cleavage, a long black skirt with golden waves designs on the trims, and, for some odd reason, she holds a clothe hanger on her left hand as though it was a hooked hand.

Inside the shrine's replica are Lunasa, Merlin and Lyrica Prismriver, and beside them is Byakuren, smiling peacefully as she drinks some tea.

Lunasa is wearing her normal black uniform, save for her hat, which is replaced by a black pirate bandana with a yellow moon design, which sits perfectly on her short blonde hair.

Merlin wears her wavy light-blue hair in a ponytail, a provocative brown sleeveless vest without a shirt underneath, a tight brown skirt, a red sash around her waist, and a pair of brown ankle-high boots with golden buckles.

Lyrica is the only one without any changes to her red uniform or hat with the green star on top, or any changes to her short, light-brown hair, nothing pirate at all.

As their instruments play, Lunasa stares at Lyrica and asks "sis, why aren't you in the pirate mood?"

Merlin cackles, then says "arr! She be a mere landlubber! WALK THE PLANK, yar-har-har!"

A glint from the 'main mast' gets Lunasa's attention, and just as her violin stops playing, she says "that's the signal. Time to play captain Sparr... er, I mean, captain Saigyouji's theme, Boarder of the Pirates!"

Merlin stops her trumpet, then Lyrica stops her keyboard and simply wait.

Lunasa closes her eyes to concentrate, says "alright girls... one, two and~", but before she can finish, Lyrica's keyboard flies straight at her sisters, knocking them both out, and when the two of them get up, ready to chew out their young sister, they gasp at the sight.

Lyrica now wears a black shirt, a tattered long black skirt, a pair of old-looking black slippers, a pair of sunglasses, and has a golden pendulum hanging around her neck on a golden chain necklace, and she's now holding a large keyboard that rests on what look like a pair of thin crossed legs.

She stares seriously at her sisters, the suddenly smirks and starts playing a rapid upbeat techno theme very similar to Yuyuko's own theme, which is called "Border of Life", but they have renamed it for the purpose of the mood.

* * *

When Lyrica's keyboard starts playing, Yuyuko jumps down from the mast and lands on her left knee on the ship's deck, her breasts jiggling violently inside the tight white shirt, then slowly straightens back up, and with a peaceful and whimsical smile, and an equally peaceful and whimsical voice, she giggles and says "Youmu, go ahead."

Youmu face-palms and groans loudly, and while Lyrica continues to shock her sisters with her sudden change in appearance and musical style, Youmu loudly says "listen up, you blooming cockroaches! Captain Yuyuko Saigyouji is here to commandeer one of your ships! Prepare to be boarded!"

Her voice echoes clearly toward Minamitsu and Chiyuri, making both girls grit their teeth with fury, then Chiyuri shouts "oh yeah? Come over here and try it!"

Minamitsu shouts back "you stupid land-ghosts better keep out of the business of a REAL sea-ghost! And Lady Hijiri, get off that middle-aged captain's ship and GET back here, so I can blast it right out of the sky!"

Yuyuko's eyes glow bright red, and as she turns around, revealing her glowing red eyeballs to her crew, Lyrica stops playing and hides under the large keyboard, and Youmu gasps and gulps loudly.

Yuyuko looks to the left, then the right, and in a fierce and straight tone of voice, she says "Youmu, fire THAT to the rude sea-bitch! Oh, and feel free to do something with the blond rug-rat..."

Youmu shivers and tires to salute Yuyuko, but the ghost princess quickly loses her patience, and her voice echoes all over the sky when she shouts "STOP WASTING TIME AND FIRE~!"

Youmu jumps out of fright and immediately shouts "fire E-X at the Palanquin!"

The roof of the shrine opens up, a large cannon is lifted from inside on a long metal tube, then fires a red and green cannonball.

Minamitsu gasps and shouts "FIRE ALL~!" but it's too late, and the strange cannonball from the ghost ship lands right on the poop deck.

Minamitsu gasps at the sight, and after a moment of shivering fear, when even her voice seems to fail her, she finally manages to shout "CHENSAW~!"

On the deck is Chen, and she wears a red and black striped shirt under a dirty and tattered brown vest, a brown cross-body belt that holds bombs, knives and smoke-bombs for quick escapes, a pair of brown pants tattered at the bottom, black slippers, an eye-patch on her right eye, and she has a wide jagged-toothed grin that stretches from one side of her face to another.

She also wears a green bandana on her head that covers just enough of her short brown hair, but leaves her ears free, for comfort, sways her tails around furiously, and her right ear's earring somehow looks shinier than usual.

Her sword, which she holds on her left hand, looks like a giant saw, as it's not even pointed at the end, but that's because it IS a saw, and by pulling a string on the bottom of the hilt, it starts to buzz loudly, and the horrible sound sends sharp thorns of pure fear into Minamitsu's ghostly chest.

Without much thought, Minamitsu shouts "ABANDON SHIP!", and jumps off the portside.

Chen starts to cackle loudly, then moves around the ship so fast, she looks like a blur, and right after she flies back to Yuyuko's ship, the Palanquin becomes a rain of wooden boards, all cut uneven, and along the boards, Nue, Nazrin, Kogasa, Ichirin, Shou and the little reed-haired fairy fall to the ground, forgetting they can fly as they cry for their lives.

The same cannon where Chen came from fires a second time, then slowly descends back into the ghostly shrine.

Chiyuri is on the floor of her ship, holding her stomach as she rolls around while laughing so hard, her face has turned red and her tears just won't stop.

Yumemi stands to the left of Chiyuri, looking worried as she sighs, and says "hey, Chiyuri, you shouldn't lower your guard so quickly."

Chiyuri sits up, completely stopping her laughter, just to glare at Yumemi, and says "oi, let me enjoy this! I mean, did you see how quickly she jumped off her ship?"

There is a faint whistling sound that gets the girls' attention, yet, after looking around, they can't find the source.

Chiyuri looks at Yumemi and asks "do you hear something?"

Yumemi shrugs while staring at Chiyuri, then notices the girl looking up to the sky.

When Yumemi joins Chiyuri and looks up, she gasps and says "oh shit!", but before she can even move, a giant golden washtub falls on top of the girls, then a powerful, blinding explosion turns half of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa to ashes.

* * *

Moments later, all three ships circle around each other, creating a massive shadow that covers a huge chunk of Gensokyo, thus, causing an incident that the bored Reimu Hakurei, and her equally bored friend, Marisa Kirisame, decide to investigate.

On the Palanquin, Reimu approaches Minamitsu, wearing her normal outfit with a thick brown belt that rests on her hips without actually clinging on to her, and that's where she has a silver gohei sheathed.

On her lose brown hair, she wears a pirate bandana that is red on the left and white on the right.

Minamitsu stares at the maiden and asks "you call that 'presentable'?"

Reimu unsheathes her silver gohei and places it right next to Minamitsu's neck, then angrily says "if you think I'm wearing that eye-patch or that broken skirt, think again, missy!"

Minamitsu gulps and nods, and after Reimu removes the gohei, she sighs and says "phew, remind me not to get on your bad side again."

Reimu smirks, then says "oh, you won't forget. Now, if you don't want me to get bored, better tell me what to do."

Over at Chiyuri's ship, Marisa salutes Chiyuri as she sits cross-legged on her hovering broom.

She wears her usual witch's hat, however, it has a white cross-bone skull motif above the purple ribbon.

As for her clothes, she has a sleeveless pink shirt under a sleeveless black leather vest closed by a crossing lace right under the small chest, a stylish short brown skirt that shows off her shapely legs, and a pair of scrunched brown boots.

Chiyuri stares are Marisa for a few seconds, then sighs and asks "why did you have to look hotter than me?"

Marisa grins widely, then says "I'm a main characters, so that's how nature commands it. Well, gonna head over there, just like you asked, boss."

As Marisa accommodates herself to fly over to Yuyuko's ship, Chiyuri shouts "and make sure you get some of those dumplings from over there!"

From the distance, Marisa shouts "aye, aye, captain!"

Chiyuri's head inflates, along with a disturbingly smug grin, after hearing Marisa call her 'captain'.

* * *

Right after Marisa leaves, Reimu approaches Chiyuri and unsheathes her silver gohei, smiling confidently while staring into the so-called captain's eyes.

Chiyuri stares back at Reimu and the terror that fills her being becomes noticeable the moment her face turns white and blue.

Reimu raises her gohei, prepares to strike Chiyuri's head, then swings it straight at the shivering 'captain', who curls into a ball on the floor while placing her hands over her head and shivers violently.

The satisfying thud fails to reach Reimu's ears, which causes her smile to vanish when she hears an annoying clang instead.

Yumemi stands in front of the shivering Chiyuri with a high-tech sword, with bleeping lights of useless nature, a large calculator on the blade, and a coffee-maker on the hilt.

Yumemi glares back at Reimu and says "magic girl, be more reasonable! She's a human after all!"

Reimu twitches and stops her attack as she asks "magic girl?", then looks at Yumemi's worried face.

Reimu giggles as she places her right hand on the right side of her face, then says "oh-ho, don't worry. Look, it's hollow. It's just going to hit her hard, and that's it."

The maiden taps the floor with the gohei to prove it's hollow, then Yumemi smiles and steps aside, saying "oh, then it's ok. You may go ahead."

Chiyuri, who was looking relieved after Yumemi stepped in, turns pale once again as she asks "WHAT? Yumemi, whose side are you on?"

Yumemi frowns as she crosses her arms over her chest and says "well serves you right. I told you to pick a sword, but you were too busy playing doctor with that ice fairy and bug-girl to listen."

Chiyuri stammers as she waves her arms around the air and tries to explain she wasn't playing doctor at all, and at the same time she tries to back away from Reimu, but stops when there is a satisfying clung, and the thud of Chiyuri's body hitting the ground.

Both Reimu and Yumemi sigh with relief, then Yumemi says "that was more satisfying than I thought."

The S.S. In Your Face Murasa suddenly rumbles and starts turning to the right... or starboard..., then Yumemi smiles nervously and says "oh, that's right. When Chiyuri's knocked out, the ship loses the auto-pilot... Whoopsies."

Reimu opens her mouth wide, showing her jagged teeth as she shouts "WHAT? You remember that NOW? And what kind of stupid auto-pilot IS that?"

* * *

Over at the ghostly unnamed ship, Marisa flies over to Youmu over at the helm, covering her mouth with her left hand as she giggles to herself.

Youmu hums a peaceful song to herself as she keeps the ship going straight, and suddenly realizes that Marisa has been hovering to her left the whole time.

She gasps and places her hand on her chest, then turns her blushing face to Marisa, gruffly asking "what the hell do you want? Since when have you been there?"

Marisa tilts her head left with an unbearable troll-smile, and says "oh, I dunno miss 'Hiroari Shoots a Strange Bird', maybe when you started singing and smiiiiiling, ze.", all as her head twists around to the left as though her head and neck aren't even connected.

Youmu's face turns paler than usual when she sees this, then nervously says "d-don't do that! Y-you're supposed to be human, not a g-g-ghost! Now what is it you want?"

Marisa rests the back of her head on her hands as she leans slightly back and says "well, I wanted to borrow some dumplings, ze."

Youmu raises an eyebrow and places her hands on her hips as she turns around toward Marisa, then says "somehow, I find that hard to believe. Now tell me why you are really here!"

While Youmu speaks, Marisa rummages through her left pocket, then smiles when she finds what she was looking for.

When Youmu takes one step closer, Marisa pulls her hand out of her pocket and blows on her open palm, sending a sparkly green cloud of dust straight at the half-human.

Youmu coughs as she lightly slaps her own face to take off all that glitter from her cheeks, then asks "h-hey, what the hell is this?"

Meanwhile, inside the Hakugyokurou replica, the real Marisa grabs a plate with three dumplings and smiles at Yuyuko while saying "hey, thanks a bunch!"

Youmu's ghost half, who... um, I mean, which wears... wait... well anyway, he-she-it is wearing a brown belt around what should be the waist, and a small pirate hat on what should be the head, and is serving another plate full of steaming hot dumplings.

The moment it places the plate on the table, it starts to flail around and shiver, startling Marisa, who asks "hey, Myon, what's wro-?"

After she thinks about it, she smacks her forehead with the bottom of her left palm, then says "goh, how could I forget. I sprayed Youmu with some nightmare dust."

Yuyuko looks a bit worried at Marisa as she asks "will she be alright?"

Marisa chuckles and says "Youmu? Of course! She's a strong girl! She can take it!"

Yuyuko chuckles, then says "oh, she's a good child too, don't forget that."

Marisa silently nods, places the three dumplings in a small gray sack, takes a fourth one from the new plate and places it on her mouth, and sounding muffled, she says "ahrigh hen, hime ho gho. Fee you ater." ("alright then, time to go. See you later.")

Yuyuko reads the subtitles, then smiles as she faces Marisa and says "alright, see you later. Don't be a stranger."

As Marisa leaves, the ship starts to turn portside (that would be to the left), while Youmu cowers in the farthest corner of the poop deck, looking around herself as though she's seeing demons.

It's not far from the truth, as Marisa's nightmare dust has her seeing ghosts wearing blankets with holes in their eyes and mouths, and wailing at her from all sides.

* * *

At the same time, over at The Palanquin, Minamitsu holds her ladle on her right hand, pointing it offensively at Cirno, Wriggle, Mystia and Agava, who seem more interested in looking around the ship, rather than actually start a fight.

Minamitsu pushes the ladle closer to Cirno, and in a demanding tone, she asks "so, you dare board my ship looking like complete lost idiots who can't even strap their own bras? You take me for some sort of fool?"

Completely ignoring Minamitsu, Cirno looks around the deck and ways "whoa~! This ship is so much bigger than ours!"

Wriggle looks at the entrance to the lower rooms and says "so stylish too. Look, no mast in sight to make it look ugly!"

Mystia, sounding as though she's singing, exclaims "it smells so nice too~!"

Agava grins, then says "too bad we have to take it down."

Minamitsu's face turns red with anger, then she shouts "HEY! Are you even listening to me? BAH! I'm kicking your asses RIGHT out this ship! ORA~!"

Minamitsu swings her ladle at her enemies, aiming straight at Cirno's head, and stops just a few inches away from the ice fairy when she hears Byakuren's voice behind her, loudly saying "Mini-chan! That's no way to treat guests!"

Minamitsu turns around and gasps at the sight of Byakuren, who wears her regular black and white outfit, with Daiyousei and Rumia to her sides, placing a gentle and motherly hand over their shoulders while staring sternly at Minamitsu.

The captain tries to sound as calm as she can, but fails doing so as she says "but Lady Hijiri, we are at war here, and they are-"

Before Minamitsu can finish, Byakuren says "Mini-chan, what have I told you? In times of war, when they strike your right cheek, you show them your left and be one with all that is love and kindness, for we are all equals in the world."

Minamitsu is grasping her hair while trying to come up with a good comeback to all of that, but that's when she realizes the youkai have spread around her ship.

Wriggle and Agava are headed down to the storages where they keep all the food, Agava bluntly saying "let's see if there's some honey on this ship!"

Wriggle replies "dibs on the first lick!", which triggers something inside Minamitsu's heart that forces her to yell "HEY, that honey is for my morning toast!"

Mystia and Rumia start playing danmaku on top of the top-side sleeping quarters, threatening to break some windows and the roof as they jump around and blast each other away.

Minamitsu twitches and shouts "hey, if you break it, you buy it!"

Byakuren replies "Mini-chan, you need to relax. Here, there's a free spot on my lap."

When Minamitsu looks at Byakuren, she screams with surprise when she finds Byakuren is kneeling right next to the steering wheel, with Daiyousei sleeping on her right lap while sucking on her own thumb and lightly flapping her crystal wings.

As Byakuren extends her right hand at Minamitsu, welcoming her to join, the captain notices Cirno pressing random buttons on the ship's control panel next to the steering wheel.

Minamitsu flies straight at Cirno and shouts "no you idiot, don't do that!"

Byakuren frowns, thinking the insult is sent her way, then angrily places her fist on her hip and says "if you don't want to cuddle, that's fine, but lashing out your tongue like that will cost you a time out, young lady!"

Minamitsu struggles with the ice fairy, trying to keep her away from the control panel, Cirno shouting "no~! I wanna press the buttons!"

Minamitsu shouts back "stop being an idiot!", then looks at Byakuren and says "I was talking to **THIS** idiot, lady Hijiri!"

Byakuren scowls as she looks away from Minamitsu, then starts to gently caress the sleeping fairy's head, making her giggle in her sleep and slowly flap her wings, emanating a pink, soothing aura, then says "well, looks like the captain is going without lunch today!"

Minamitsu forgets all about Cirno as she looks at Byakuren with teary eyes while crying "aww, come on lady Hijiri, you know I didn't mean it that way!"

**BUZZ!**

That sound sends shivers down the captain's spine, and as she slowly turns around to look at Cirno, the ice fairy says "wow, that red button really surprised me! So noisy."

Minamitsu's entire face disappears when all her color disappears from her skin when she realizes Cirno just made the ship's auto-pilot set itself for a crash course.

It's going to take too long to reset the auto-pilot, and what's worse, the other two ships are headed straight at her with a pincer maneuver.

Minamitsu recovers her color when she thinks "there's no time to panic, Captain Murasa! You have to SAVE the ship!"

After thinking all that crap, she nods to herself and rushes to the control panel, then starts pressing buttons in odd sequences, making Cirno dizzy after staring for a bit.

* * *

Now all three ships are headed on a collision course, Chiyuri's ship heading right, Yuyuko's ship heading left, and Minamitsu's ship headed straight forward.

The crash will be devastating, but if Minamitsu can stop the auto-pilot in time, maybe there is a chance for the Palanquin to survive.

She looks forward and says to herself "no, I don't care about those two idiots! My first, and ONLY concern, is the Palanquin! Now, to fight the auto-pilot!"

A small screen rises from the floor, making Cirno gasp in awe and says "whoa, awesome! Chiyuri's ship only has a DVD player, but the screen is all fizzled all the time! It just sucks!"

Over at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri, who still lies unconscious on the ground, suddenly grasps her chest and screams as though being impaled by an ice fairy on the back with an ice sword.

Back at the Palanquin, Minamitsu holds a black videogame control pad with six buttons on the right side.

She's mashing the buttons while Cirno cheers "no, no, use the spell! The ice one! It did seven hundred points of damage!"

Minamitsu shouts back "I know what I'm doing! I'm just under-leveled!"

Mystia stands to Cirno's left, and looking disappointed at Minamitsu, she says "that's what happens when you run from so many battles!"

Rumia smiles and adds "that's why you need to buy more herbs next time."

Minamitsu suddenly cheers and exclaims "YES! I beat it! I beat the auto-pilot!"

The screen suddenly flashes green, then red, then Minamitsu shrieks, then shouts "what the hell, a third form? Who put this on hard mode~!"

Cirno giggles and says "whoops, my bad, but you said the game was easy."

Next to them is Byakuren, who holds the sleeping Daiyousei like she was her own child, placing her head on her breasts as she caresses the back of her head ever so gently, embracing her lightly and emanating a soothing pink aura that conditions the mood.

Byakuren sighs, then says "Mini-chan, take a deep breath and focus. You are at level forty, so it should be enough. Just focus, and you'll be fine."

Minamitsu looks nervous as the awesome kick-ass music starts to play, but after she listens to Byakuren, her eyes fill with determination and nods, then says "alright! Let's do this, Captain Murasa!"

On the screen is a small sprite representing Minamitsu, and to the right of the screen is a strange creature with a naked golden belly that has a laser gun on the navel, buff arms with large white claws on its hands, holds a large crescent moon scepter with his right hand, has a bony skull, glowing red eyes, jagged teeth on a monstrous red face, and bunny slippers on his feet, which have carrot rifles for eyes.

The captain starts the battle by casting defensive spells on herself, then the battle begins.

While she fights the auto-pilot, the ships get closer and closer, and although they seem to be moving fast toward each other, it looks like every time the scene changes, their positions reset.

That's good for Captain Murasa, because it gives her more time to beat that dreaded auto-pilot.

Meanwhile, Cirno has joined Minamitsu, and now a sprite of herself stands just below the captain's.

The blue fairy's sprite summersaults high in the air, then dives with an ice sword on hand, cutting the auto-pilot from the head down, doing a massive eight-hundred points damage, then Cirno boastfully says "you see? Ice does double damage!"

Minamitsu growls and says "you idiot, don't kill him yet! If I can steal the slippers, I'll get extra HP, MP, and all my stats will rise 50x."

Agava, who holds some toasted bread with honey on her left hand, smacks Minamitsu's head with her right hand as she says "you wasted 5 rounds trying that! Face it, you suck at stealing!"

Minamitsu snaps back "well sorry I like making an honest living! And you BETTER have left some honey for me down there!"

Without thinking about it, Minamitsu selects "steal" one more time, her little sprite rushes toward the evil auto-pilot, snags the slippers, then runs back into position.

Minamitsu screeches and cheers, then points at Agava's face and shouts "HA! Got them! There, right in your FACE!"

Agava snorts, then says "lucky break, miss captain!"

Daiyousei starts the move around, moaning as though ready to start crying, then Byakuren shushes her, gently pushes her head back on her breasts, and hums a lullaby while rubbing the fairy's back, calming her back down to sleep.

The magician stares daggers at the gamer-girls and angrily whispers "keep your voices down, of you'll wake her!"

Minamitsu's face turns blue as she sinks her head into her shirt, then nods and whispers "s-sorry lady Hijiri."

When the captain looks around, she notices the other girls are all sinking their terrified faces into their shirts.

In the screen, Cirno's pixel raises a spell card and the spell "Ice Sign, Sword Freezer" writes itself on top of the screen.

The sprite runs toward the auto-pilot and summersaults close to it, giving it four-hundred damage points per second for six seconds, then dives down to its chest, giving it one-thousand six-hundred points worth of damage, then the game screen flashes, the auto-pilot roars, then slowly turns to red pixels that disappear from the screen.

The girls are just about to cheer when they notice Byakuren glaring at them, so instead, they wave their hands in the air while whispering a cheer.

Finally, Minamitsu stands up and takes the wheel, saying "alright, time to- What?"

When she gets a better look, she realizes all three ships have collided, but the impact was so soft, nothing happened, save for all the ships being forced to stop in mid-air.

Minamitsu sighs with relief, then says "well, I guess there was no need for all that after all, but at least I got the bunny slippers."

She turns around, lifts her left hand with the peace sign, then winks at the intruders.

Suddenly, Wriggle points at the sky and exclaims "hey, what's that?"

A small silver washtub falls from the sky and rapidly falls between the three ships, making a loud clang when it hits the Palanquin's bow.

There is a loud cracking sound, then all three ships crumble and fall straight down, lifting up a massive cloud of smoke after they hit the ground.

Reimu and Marisa stare at the damage from the sky, then Reimu laughs a bit and says "well, that should keep them down for a few hours."

Marisa holds on to the sack of dumplings on her right hand as she whistles after looking at the damage, then says "wow, so glad I don't have to clean up."

She and Reimu look into each other's eyes, then Marisa lifts the bag and asks "want a dumpling?"

Reimu smiles, grabs Marisa's hand, then says "we'll eat them at the shrine! Rika said she would prepare some tea when I got back."

Marisa flies along with Reimu, seemingly by force, laughing as she says "great! Tea with these should go great, ze!"

* * *

On the ground, Byakuren sits on a picnic cloth on the same position, emanating the same soothing aura, humming the same lullaby, holding Daiyousei the same way, and around her are Ichirin, Unzan, Nazrin, Nue, Shou, the little red-haired fairy, Yumemi, and Yuyuko, all enjoying tea and snacks after a hearty lunch.

Minamitsu, Chiyuri and Youmu push themselves free from the debris, glare at each other, then notice Cirno, Rumia, Wriggle, Mystia and Agava singing a choir while floating in the air above their heads, being directed by the ever-jagged-toothed-grin Chen, who waves her arms with rhythm as her tails sway around.

Joining the choir with some music, the Prismriver sisters fly around the singing girls while their instruments add an "ending" tone to the music.

Minamitsu manages to push half her torso up to look around, then moans and says "oh~, that's a credit-rolling song. I-is it really over?"

Chiyuri manages to sit on her knees and says "n... not on your life, you... sea rat. Once is fix *gulp* my ship, I'll show you hell!"

Youmu is fully recovered and is staring daggers at Yuyuko, angrily asking "what are you guys doing down here? You were supposed to be fighting up there!"

Shou looks at Youmu and casually says "but it's lunch time."

Yuyuko smiles whimsically as she says "you can't fight on an empty stomach, Youmu."

Byakuren stops humming to Daiyousei and says "Mini-chan, you are still punished, so no lunch for you!", then continues to hum the lullaby.

Minamitsu moans, then a golden washtub falls on her head, making a loud echoing clang as it knocks her out.

Chiyuri starts to laugh after the washtub rolls next to her, and while pointing at Minamitsu, she says "so much for miss 'Captain'! HAHAHA, I've seen better-"

The washtub suddenly flings from the ground and crashes on Chiyuri's face, making her spin backward in the air once, then fall on the ground right on her face.

The washtub rolls next to Youmu, who stares nervously at it, nervously bends down, and nervously pats it gently, nervously saying "um, g-good washtub. You're a very good washtub."

An angelic choir and a beam of light from heaven surround the washtub, and it slowly lifts to the air along with a pair of well-proportioned and shapely female angels with long brownish-gold hair.

Youmu stares up to the sky in awe, then a strange purple vortex silently opens up behind her.

Damien, with his long hair covering his right red eye, pale skin, and wearing a lowered black hood, peeks his head from inside the vortex, smiles viciously, then Youmu punches his face without even turning around, sending him back inside the vortex, which closes off soon after he's back inside.

Surprised, Youmu looks behind her and says "that's odd. I thought I just punched a pale-looking skinny boy on the face..."

The thinks about it for a moment, shrugs, then says "nah! Must have been my imagination."

She runs toward the picnic site and shouts "oi, Yuyu-sama, may I have some mochi?

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, Spell cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Agava was created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Idea for Yuyuko's 'Border of the Pirates' song name by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

DEC 16. 2010

Written By

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hope you enjoyed this totally random story. I won't be updating it soon, BUT, I'll to my best to make sure each update is as random (if not MORE random than) as the one before. I have a LOT of projects I want to work on, and one of them is a VERY special crossover, but for the time being, I don't want to say much about it, in case I discard it.**

**On another note, be sure to visit the Touhou Discussion Boards, particularly "Let's Danmaku", which right now, it's not the MOST active forum, but it's been a lot more active lately. We have plenty of fun there, and it's not STRICTLY about Touhou, even though it mostly is Touhou. I would say about 92% is Touhou, while 8% is anything else. Ah well, thank you for reading, and remember, think about it before boarding one of those three ships.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Warning, contains many random references, random occurrences, suspicious stuff, and honey. Also, there is some sudden harsh language, so enjoy.

* * *

**

Up over the clouds of Gensokyo, two large ships float beside each other, while a third, black, gray and red ship circles around them, seemingly peacefully.

On the deck of the unnamed ghostly ship belonging to Captain Yuyuko Saigyouji, are Youmu, Marisa, and Rika Onkamikami, who wears a blue t-shirt under a black cross-laced vest, both which have a hole on the back for her wings to come out of, a dirty white skirt that only covers down to her knees, held up by a light-brown belt with a matching buckle, where she sheathes her family sword, a pair of black thigh high boots, her treasured sapphire yin-yang around her neck, along with her red scarf with the fire motif and the kanji for "Will of Fire" on the end, and a cute light blue bandana over her wavy brown hair that reaches just above her lower back.

Around them are the spirit crew, all raising two sticks for hands, while Cirno, Rumia, Mystia, Shou's little red-haired fairy, and Reimu, hold their fingers, swords, and Reimu her charms, threateningly up to their faces.

Rika, looking a bit nervous, looks to Reimu and slowly flaps her wings as she says "but I only came here to ask for the soy sauce, just like you asked me to~!"

Reimu places her left hand on her hip and bends slightly back as she laughs, then straightens up and stares at Rika with vicious eyes and says "you filthy bilge rats have no right enjoying soy sauce! Yar, har, har!"

Rika gasps and looks as though she's ready to cry, so Marisa taps her shoulder and whispers "oi, don't go taking it so serious now. Just play along!"

Rika looks back at Marisa with disbelief and surprise, then says "but not two hours ago you two said you were done with the ships! You even said they crashed! How are they even flying, and all in one piece?"

Reimu gets out of character as she chuckles and says "look, the important thing is that we're having fun, so just enjoy and... well, have fun."

Rika stares at Reimu in a bit of confusion, then slowly, her confusion vanishes, and a very happy smile fills the shrine maid's face, and all of a sudden, with a quick twist of her facial expression, she looks like a raging pirate and says "you slack-basted codfish best enjoy your victory, for now! Once I get my chance, I'll have ye clean the floor on the brig with yer tongue, ga, ha ,har!"

All around Rika, including the spirits, silently stare at the maid with surprise, none of them expecting such a sweet and innocent-looking lady to be able to play pirate so well, but Reimu breaks the silence by replying "yar! Big words from such a small scallywag!"

Rika breaks from the group, unsheathes her sword, points it at Reimu, then says "let's see what'cher made of!"

Reimu wants nothing more than to start giggling, but she keeps in character, unsheathes her silver gohei, points it at Rika, then says "I'll have you walk the plank, you scurvy dog!"

* * *

Inside the captain's quarters of the Palanquin, Minamitsu and Yuyuko stands on opposite ends of the room, simply glaring at each other without doing much of anything... just glaring.

For some time, they simply continue to glare at each other, then, just like that, Yuyuko smiles and flicks her head.

Minamitsu raises her left eyebrow and start walking to the left, to which Yuyuko walks to the right, opening her fan and covering her face, although, in her pirate outfit, she looks a little more silly than elegant while doing so.

Once each girl stands where the other was just moments ago, they stop and start glaring again, then Byakuren, who wears her pink eye-patch on her right eye, enters with a smile on her face and a tray with teacups, snacks, and a pirate magazine that also happens to contain a make-shift script, then says "we need to move the story along, so drink these, read your lines, and move on."

Yuyuko and Minamitsu both blush with embarrassment until their faces turn tomato red, then Minamitsu accepts the tray and says "thank you so much lady Hijiri."

Yuyuko waves the fan and says "you're a diamond, matey! thanks."

After the scene zips to the next, Yuyuko points the close fan at Minamitsu and says "so if you ever want fresh honey on your morning bread again, you best strike the deal now, while I'm still in the mood."

Minamitsu pulls her ladle from behind her pants, points it threateningly at Yuyuko while smiling almost too naturally, and says "but if cut out the middle-ghost, I can have all the honey I want from you _own_ stores!"

Yuyuko shrugs as she bends slightly back and says "you could do that...", then she slowly starts zigzagging toward Minamitsu, saying "but then, when you find all the jars being possessed by the rowdy spirits, you'll be saying to yourself '_oh, if I hadn't killed their princess so she could make them leave_'."

Minamitsu smirks and pockets her ladle, then Yuyuko tosses her fan at the sea-ghost and asks "so, do we have a death? Er, I mean, a deal?"

Before Minamitsu can answer, there is a loud boom coming from outside, then the Palanquin rattles violently, making both girls tumble, allowing Yuyuko to get close enough to Minamitsu, shaker her hand, and say "wow, you have a very soft hand."

Minamitsu smiles, then says "thanks. Now let me properly kill you."

Yuyuko pushes herself away from Minamitsu, then opens the doors to the room, uses said doors on Nazrin and Shou to knock them away as they simply try to walk in, then runs through the small corridor that leads to freedom.

* * *

On the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri is shouting as loudly as she can "take that Minamitsu~! You and your damned RPG playing auto-pilot that cost me my crew and stuff~! WA-HA-HA-HA-HA~!"

She looks to the deck, then loudly shouts "FIRE ALL~!"

On the deck of Chiyuri's ship are Tewi, Lily White, Mima, Maribel and Renko.

Tewi wears a dirty white muscle shirt with a pair of large dark-green pants held up by a dark brown belt with a golden buckle, a pair of black army boots with a golden ring on the left boot, her usual carrot necklace, and a pirate bandana with green and red stripes that covers her left rabbit ear.

Lily wears her usual white dress with red waves on the borders of the sleeves and bottom of the dress, her usual white hat with red waves around the brim over her long blonde hair, but, when her dress lifts a bit, it is revealed that, somehow, instead of her legs, she has a pair of pegs, which aren't very good for walking... or standing... or kicking.

Mima wears a provocative sleeveless white shirt under a sleeveless light-brown open vest, showing off her cleavage, a pair of long brown pants, a pair of stylish brown slippers, a painted scar on her left cheek, and a vicious and mischievous jagged-toothed grin along with her excited eyes.

Maribel, who has her cat's ears exposed, wears a white bandana around her head, a long sleeved dirty red shirt, a pair of jungle-cammo army pants, a pair of ankle-high brown boots, and carries a large scimitar she 'sheathes' on a piece of rope she's using as a belt.

Finally, Renko wears her normal black hat with a green pirate bandana underneath, a black shirt under a stylish sleeveless open brown vest with green borders that has a wave motif, a black skirt that reaches just above her knees, which is held up by a cute white belt with a matching white buckle, a simple old sword sheathed to her right, a pair of black slippers, and a pair of light-brown thigh-high socks that make it look like she's bare-legged.

The girls scatter, Mima, Maribel and Renko taking the room below the deck and manning a cannon each, while Lily and Tewi take a cannon on the deck each and start shooting at the Palanquin immediately, Lily shouting "it's spring, you sockless pack of ingrates!"

Yumemi approaches Chiyuri on the poop deck, and with an annoyed look on her face, she says "you do realize they are going to get royally pissed at you for ruining their little game, right?"

Chiyuri looks back at Yumemi with a rage filled face and shouts "this is a damned war! Man a cannon and FIRE ALREADY, dammit!"

Yumemi is now standing right behind Chiyuri, a dark and ominous shadow covering her eyes as she glares dangerously at the blonde sailor, and has her fingers wrapped around the back of Chiyuri's panties.

In a soft, but dangerously ominous tone of voice, she says "that shadow girl ate all my honey, and I'm in a really bad mood right now, so try to keep your tone at a more respectful tone, or I'm raising you all the way up the mizzen mast by these silky whiteys for all to see, making sure to stretch the band at least a good five centimeters."

Chiyuri's face turns blue as she starts sweating vigorously, and with a wriggled and nervous smile, she nods, and softly and nervously says "sorry ma'am... Please, continue as you were."

Recovering her usual friendly aspect, Yumemi stands back, salutes Chiyuri, then says "right away, captain!", then hums as she merrily skips toward the nearest cannon.

Chiyuri stands in place, so frightened, her entire body fails to respond to anything she tries to do, and while still shivering so violently, she manages to say to herself "i-it's alright Chiyuri, she's gone now... calm down... calm down~!"

* * *

At The Palanquin, while Chiyuri's crew continues to shower them with cannon-fire, Yuyuko runs past Byakuren, who runs around, shooting magic spells at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, while smiling and shouting "FIRE~! Sink these scurvy dogs to the depths!"

Yuyuko ignores the magician and rushes to the helm, ignoring Unzan, who has a cannonball fly right through his head, which in turn lands next to Ichirin and sends her flying away after it explodes.

Yuyuko ducks to avoid the youkai's leg, then continues on her way.

Meanwhile, back at the ghostly ship, Reimu and Rika sweat as they continue their somewhat friendly swordfight.

Reimu pushes Rika back by trying to stab her gohei, and Rika manages to sway the tip away with her family sword while backing away, and all while the other girls and the spirits continue to cheer on, ignoring Yuyuko, who shouts from the Palanquin "Youmu~, Marisa~, anyone~! I need to get out of here, now~!"

Rika finds herself pinned against the entrance door of the Hakugyokurou replica, causing Reimu to smile and wind her gohei while saying "and now, your continues end here!"

Just as Reimu is about to swing her gohei at the glaring pirate Rika, Kurumi, who wears her regular white shirt, blood-red long skirt with suspenders, and white ribbon around her head, adorning her long blond hair, flies just above and behind Reimu.

She points at Marisa, then cries "there she is, miss Maid! She's the one saying you wear pads!"

Marisa looks around very nervously while shouting "hey, wait a minute! I only said that once! ...to FLAN~!"

Reimu and Rika both look deathly frightened at Marisa and slowly lift their trembling hands to point behind the witch.

Marisa turns around and screams when she sees Yumeko, who wears her regular red maid's outfit, which seems to be accenting her breasts by having her apron tightened just below them, her wavy blonde hair swaying with the wind as she grins and stares dangerously at pirate Marisa while holding on to three short swords between the fingers of each crossed arm.

She stares at Marisa and says "so, you claim THESE are pads? Sorry to disappoint you, but my filling comes by naturally. Now DIE~!"

Marisa can only lift her arms; as if that's going to protect her from Yumeko's assault; and screams out of pure fear.

Meanwhile, back at the Palanquin, Yuyuko holds on to a thick rope that is tied to a cannon, and passes over a familiar pink cloud that seems to be playing the role of a make-shift mast, then aims the cannon to the front of the ship.

Minamitsu reaches Yuyuko just as she's about to pull on the string that fires the cannon, squints her eyes to take notice of a small doll of herself inside the cannon's opening, then looks at Yuyuko and exclaims "you're mad!"

Yuyuko giggles while covering her mouth with her left hand, then says "no I'm not, silly. If I was, I'd probably want to sink your ship again."

Right after saying that, she holds on tight to the thick rope, pulls the string on the cannon, then gets flung to the air after the cannon recoils, screaming all the way over her own ship.

Everyone in the ghostly ship, including Yumeko, watch as Yuyuko flies by, screaming, then rush to the starboard side (the right, folks) in hope of catching the ghost princess before she falls overboard, and completely ignoring poor Marisa, who lies trembling on the floor with three of Yumeko's swords on her back.

The rope Yuyuko was holding on to slips right through Youmu's fingers, then she curses loudly as she rushes to the edge and looks down, thinking her mistress is hanging somewhere on the ship.

The whole crew suddenly turn to the right when they hear Yuyuko's voice.

She stands on the roof of the ghostly shrine with her back against the wall, while smiling and saying "and all of that without having had brunch yet."

She jumps down to the deck, causing her breasts to jiggle, which cause Youmu's face to turn red, then Mystia and Cirno hold on to Rika, while Yuyuko stares angrily at her and says "take this feculent pestilence yeasted piece of flatulent codfish to the brig!"

Rika realizes she's trapped and panics, and while she's being dragged away, she asks "wait, what? But why? What did I do? My lady, HELP!"

Reimu rubs her forehead and says "better head back to my ship. See you guys later."

The maiden lifts off to the air, along with the little red haired fairy, waving back at Rumia, Youmu, Yuyuko, Yumeko, and to the spirits, and all wave back at them as if it's alright for the enemy to just leave like that.

Youmu sighs, then says "such nice girls."

Yuyuko giggles, then says "a credit to Gensokyo for sure."

Yumeko sighs and slightly bends over to dust her skirt, then says "well, I restored my honor so..."

Yumeko's face, suddenly twists, her mouth stretches open, leaving her clenched teeth bare, her eyes seem to pop out of their socket while her pupils shrink to the size of marbles, then she jumps up to the sky, holding her bottom while screaming out as loud as her lungs will allow.

Standing just behind where Yumeko was, a bloodied, panting, and furious pirate Marisa, holds on to a short sword on her right hand as she looks around at the crew, then says "payback's a BITCH!"

* * *

On the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri has recovered from the fright she got from Yumemi's threat, and is looking around her ship with a self-important look on her face.

She approaches Tewi, who is sitting on a cannon while looking away, as though flying through one of her most precious dreams, where carrots are plentiful, and there are five Reisens to play pranks on, and all fall victims of all her traps.

Finding this a little offensive, Chiyuri swings her arm, smacks Tewi on the back of her head, then says "I won't have lollygaggers on my ship! Now lift that skin and fire at the Palanquin!"

Tewi pushes herself up from the floor with her arms with such strength, she manages to fly over Chiyuri's head, and that's what she actually does, ...fly, so no real effort was made, lands on Chiyuri's shoulders and grabs her cheeks, stretching them as far as she can take them.

While Chiyuri mumbles incoherently, Tewi calmly says "you shouldn't strike a rabbit on the back of the head when she be sleeping. Bad luck to be hitting a rabbit on the back of the head while she be sleeping."

Tewi loosens her grip on Chiyuri's cheeks, giving the so-called captain the chance to say "I got beer!"

Seconds later, Tewi stands to the left of Chiyuri, holding on to two mugs of beer with a VERY content look on her face, and says "yes, the counter-curse is gladly accepted."

Chiyuri growls, then asks "and why the hell were you sleeping on the job anyway?"

Tewi drinks from the mug on her left hand, sighs with great satisfaction, then says "the contract specified I am to follow orders ONLY when the ship is airborne."

Tewi starts drinking form the mug on her right hand, even places her left hand, which is mysteriously empty, on her hip while she drinks, then Chiyuri stomps her right foot hard on the floor and shouts "but we ARE AIRBORNE!"

Tewi points with her right hand thumb, which is now also mysteriously empty, towards the bow, and says "we crashed half an hour ago, usa. You must have been drunker than I thought."

Chiyuri looks toward the destroyed bow, which is stuck inside the Palanquin's bow, then rubs her chin and narrows her eyes while she thinks.

_Inside the world in her mind, she has breasts so large, she has to wear a white bikini under her shirt in order to cover herself up properly, even though just imagining a larger shirt should suffice, and as she moves, they jiggle and bounce as though defying gravity. _

_Around her is her crew, all bowing to her and begging her to save them, Yumemi, who looks like a flat-chested nerdy girl with freckled cheeks and wearing large glasses, says "please, oh so mighty one, save us! The Palanquin has a large hole and is coming straight at us."_

_ True enough, and the actual true image in Chiyuri's twisted imagination, the Palanquin has a hole on the deck and on the bow, from the cannonball Yuyuko shot toward the deck, and it's now on a crash course with the S.S. In Your Face Murasa._

_ The big-breasted Chiyuri stares on as the ships are mere inches away from colliding, then suddenly shrugs, making her breasts bounce around, then, after a sudden close-up to her chest, the pulls the view on to her face as she heroically says "ladies... we... are screwed!" _

_The ships crash, Chiyuri's ship gets inside the hole on the Palanquin's bow, Minamitsu screams out unintelligible curses, then Renko says "our captain is so awesome!"_

Back in reality, Mima, who has a vein pulsing on her fist, has knocked Chiyuri out with one punch, angrily saying "that's for running around in circles while crying for your mommy instead of taking action, you slightly breasted bilge rat!"

Tewi flips her thumb up and says "nice shot."

Mima just sighs, then asks "and where's everyone else?"

Tewi smiles and says " Maribel and the spring fairy are over the Palanquin. They say they want to get something for Yumemi. As for Renko and Yumemi herself... they said they were going to get some more '_man-power_'."

Mima stares at Tewi with suspicion after she says that last word.

* * *

Over at the Human Village, Yumemi and Renko suspiciously enter a suspicious dark building, which is suppose to be a school, suspiciously placed in a suspicious spot at the center of the village... suspiciously.

Even though it's so suspicious, the villagers walk around as though there's nothing really suspicious about it, but trust me, **it IS suspicious**.

Inside, a woman wrapped in a dirty brown hooded cloak, stands behind a large counter, where a large cash-register rests on it, ever so suspiciously.

The woman sighs contently at the sight of her customers, and with a strange accent, she says "welcome to my store. How may I be of service? If you are looking for ship upgrades, you have come to the right place, as we have JUST received a brand new cannon that should suit your needs. Or perhaps, you came in today for... THAT!"

Yumemi blushes, then shudders at the sound of that last word, then nervously says "err, no, not today. Today I want that new cannon you just happen to mention so suspiciously and coincidentally."

A grin can be seen from underneath the woman's hood, frightening Renko and Yumemi into a sudden fright-hug, then the woman loudly says "GIRL! Bring the new stuff!"

From the back of the store, a little girl replies "sure thing Keine-san!"

The hood on Keine falls right off after the surprise of that revelation, revealing her silver hair with blue highlights, then, with tears in her eyes and a whiny voice, Keine says "I told you to call me Mysteria! Now my cover is blown!"

The girl reveals herself from the back, and along with a small doll with equal clothing, they struggle as they pull on a very large sack.

The girl has short blonde hair she adorns with a dark-red ribbon, wears a dark-purple shirt with red strings that make a suspicious red cross on her chest, a red skirt that reaches to her knees, and wears a pair of red shoes with pink socks.

Somehow, Medicine and Su-San manage to place the large sack on the counter, and after swiping the sweat off her forehead, Medicine says "yeah, yeah, just make sure Kotohime doesn't catch us again."

Keine smiles nervously, but simply presses a few buttons on her cash register, then says "that will be fourteen thousand, please."

Yumemi smiles widely as she takes out the money, while Renko goes for the large sack, accidentally dropping it on the ground, revealing a rather large cannon, a scroll..., and Kyo, bound with rope from his legs, up to his neck.

It looks as though he was sleeping while in the sack, and after getting 'somewhat' free, he opens his eyes, looks around, then a powerful aura emanates from his body, causing the entire village to rumble as he says "when I get my hands on you, I'm going to-"

Before he can finish, Keine jumps over the counter, grabs the scroll on the ground, then opens it in front of Kyo's eyes, revealing a sewn image of Luna Rivers, Kyo's woman, with her long silver hair with red highlights swaying in the wind, revealing her tight red frilly underwear.

She seems ignorant of this fact as she stares ever so peacefully at the sewn moon on the starry night sky.

When Kyo lays eyes on the deliciously suspicious and sexy picture, his rage subsides, and he slowly falls into a blissful state of sleep.

Keine covers him up again, then Yumemi angrily asks "what the HELL was THAT?"

Keine takes a deep breath, stands up, turns around to look at the girls with a grin on her face, then says "it's a time bomb cannon. This bomb it fires is capable of taking down two ships with one shot."

Yumemi stares at Keine in shock, but suddenly starts to grin mischievously, then joins Keine in a suspicious evil laugh.

As they laugh, Renko stares at the rolled up scroll, then at the large sack, then says "Luna is so going to kill us for this."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Chiyuri's ship, Mima has finally finished nailing the last board on the bow, painted it black, played poker with Unzan, gossiped with Ichirin, bro-fist with Shou, and finally, ate lunch with Minamitsu herself.

She is now heading to the sleeping quarters for her nap, then come across Chiyuri, who is angrily tapping her left foot, while glaring at Mima and crossing her arms under her suddenly larger breasts.

Mima points at Chiyuri's chest and says "so it was you who took the pads."

Chiyuri raises her arms to cover her chest while blushing beet red, then says "n-never mind that! Tell me if there is a particular reason for you to be 'hanging out' with the enemy."

Mima shrugs and smiles naturally as she says "someone has to keep them busy while Maribel and Lily raid their stores."

Deep inside the surprisingly huge ship that is the Palanquin, Maribel and Lily White make their way right out of the ship's stores hauling a small red wagon that's filled to the top with honey in jars, pots, and surprisingly enough, inside chocolate clumps.

While Maribel is the one doing the actual hauling; and without much effort either; Lily sits on the top of the spoils, drinking away the honey as though it's water, though leaving the chocolate clumps alone, claiming they taste salty to her.

Maribel raises her left eyebrow to look back at Lily, then says "miss While, please leave some for miss Yumemi. I mean, the whole reason we are doing this is to cheer her up."

Lily finishes a whole pot in one chug, sighs as though she's just drunk a whole mug of beer, raises the pot as though cheering, then says "but honey is the essence of spring! I am spring, so I must drink!"

Maribel sighs as she rubs her forehead, then says "look, we're coming to the surface now, so at least stay alert. I'm sure the girls will be mad at us for stealing... er, I mean, 'salvaging', their honey."

Lily waves her pegged legs twice, pulls out a large buster sword that's three times her own size from under her cute little white dress, smiles at Maribel, then says "I will not fail!"

* * *

Outside, on the Palanquin's deck, the sudden ambush by angry youkai girls the cat-human and the fairy were expecting doesn't happen at all, making them feel both disappointed and relieved, but mostly disappointed.

After looking around in disbelief for a while, Maribel turns around to look at Lily on top of the honey wagon, who just shrugs.

Maribel decides to just head on over to the S.S. In your Face Murasa, which looks like it's just about ready to take off.

Over at the back of the Palanquin, all the girls, save for Nazrin and Minamitsu, are sunbathing in their bikinis, while the poor Unzan is blindfolded with a pair of black eye-patches, and being the shy Nyuudo that he is, her doesn't even TRY to take them off, no matter how badly he may want to peek at the girls.

The girls have been rejoined by those who were just serving over at Yuyuko's ship, like nothing ever happened.

For those of us lucky enough to see; **Ichirin** wears a white bikini top with a dark blue bottom, **Byakuren** wears a white with black polka-dotted bikini, **Shou** wears a burgundy top with an un-matching tiger-striped bottom bikini, the **little red-haired fairy** wears a plain white bikini, **Kogasa** wears a light-blue bikini with white raindrops, **Nue** wears a black micro-bikini, **Cirno** wears a light-blue and white bikini, **Daiyousei** wears a plain blue bikini, **Rumia** wears a pink bikini (were you expecting black?), **Mystia** wears a brown top with a white bottom bikini, and **Agava** wears a bright-red bikini.

Finally, most surprising of all, is **Wriggle**, who wears a teal bikini, which reveals she actually has a more defined girly figure than expected.

Fan-Service aside, we return to Chiyuri's ship, where, somehow, Maribel and Lily have just stored the _salvaged_ honey, and honey-filled chocolate clumps, inside the storage of the ship, and Lily only had two more shots of honey, so there is plenty left.

Meanwhile, on the ship's deck, Yumemi and Renko finish installing the new canon, keeping the 'cannonball' inside its sack.

Once set, Yumemi looks at Tewi, Mima, and another girl hidden in shadows, then says "now remember, this thing is VERY volatile, so if you activate it by mistake, make sure to open the scroll so that it's facing 'it', and everything should be fine."

Chiyuri approaches Yumemi, then asks "oi, don't you think it's dangerous having that thing on board?"

Yumemi stares angrily at Chiyuri, obviously blaming her for the loss of her honey, then points at the mysteriously shadowed stowaway, then says "it's no more dangerous than HER!"

Chiyuri stares at the mysterious shadow girl, then asks "and who the HECK are you?"

The sun coincidentally reveals itself from behind some clouds, then the mysteriously shadowed girl turns out to be Chen, wearing her cute pirate outfit, grinning widely, showing off that jagged-tooth smile while swaying her tails rapidly.

Chiyuri just stands where she is, staring curiously at the nekomata, but Yumemi suddenly realizes what she is seeing, fear takes over her, evident when her face loses colors and her eyes start to tremble, then very suddenly, she takes a deep breath and shouts as loudly as she can "ABANDON SHIP! It's the CHENSAW~!"

Without thinking much about it, Yumemi takes the sack with the 'cannonball' and jumps off the ship, while Renko and Tewi run to the starboard (right) side, and jump head-first, making a loud splashing sound.

Chiyuri and Chen both look confused, so they rush straight to the edge, and move their heads along with the sound of water being splashed around by two pair of hands.

Chiyuri and Chen look at each other, sweat nervously, then Chiyuri chuckles and asks "how is that even possible?"

Mima suddenly flies straight out of the sleeping quarters, screaming "run~! It's Chensaw~!", then Chen recovers from her surprise, unsheathes her saw-sword, yanks the bottom part to start the loudly buzzing motor, then a glint escapes her right eye as she stares at Chiyuri.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in Gensokyo, where bamboo shoots tower like skyscrapers and create mazes where people get lost in, Minamitsu and Nazrin use the mouse's dowsing rods to find something.

Nazrin seems to be focusing on leading the way, and seems to get a bit irritated when Minamitsu suddenly says "jeez, this stupid forest. Should be called 'The Bamboo Forest of the Lost'."

A vein pulsates on Nazrin's forehead as she narrows her eyes to an almost close, then says "that IS the name of this forest. Now shut it, I'm trying to focus here."

Just as she finishes saying her sentence, she bumps against a wall, so Minamitsu whistles with admiration, then says "well, we found it. The grey market. They were right when they said it's well hidden."

Nazrin rubs her nose, sighs and replies "just get inside.", then enters after Minamitsu, sarcastically saying "really... very well hidden. ...Retards."

The building is a small bamboo house with a huge neon sign on top that reads "Grey Market. Get your goods here. (No Cops, and this means you, Kotohime)."

Inside the dark building, behind an old, but sturdy-looking counter, is Reisen, who wears a plaid yellow and orange scarf that covers her mouth, and a pair of sunglasses over her red eyes.

She wears her usual beige skirt and long-sleeved business vest with a name tag that reads "My name is Tia, not Reisen".

As if with just that scarf and sunglasses will keep her identity hidden, I mean, she even has her lilac hair all lose, like always, and her rumpled rabbit ears with the buttons on the bottom plainly visible.

Minamitsu looks at Reisen, then says "you, whoever you are. Word is you have an actual 'Summon Cannon', is this correct?"

Reisen nods, then says "it's not cheap, as you'd expect."

Nazrin steps forward, then asks "how much, mysterious bunny-lady?"

Reisen lowers her head slightly, then says "fifty-thousand. No haggling."

Minamitsu pulls out a large bag filled with coins from her pocket, somehow, and says "I showed you mine, you show me yours."

Reisen's left eye glints under her sunglasses, then bends down, rummages around the lower part of the counter, then effortlessly pulls out a large silver cannon with chrome finish and places it on the counter, a small bottle with pink liquid inside, then pulls out Ail, who seems to be sedated at the moment, and places him on the counter next to the cannon.

He's wearing a white, worn and dirty muscle shirt that is just too big for him, a pair of long black broken and worn pants, and a pair of brown boots... which are actually his regular ones.

While Minamitsu 'inspects' Ail, Nazrin inspects the cannon, and the moment she places her face in front of the opening, Reisen pushes her away, shouting "no! NEVER look inside the opening."

She grabs the bottle with the pink liquid, then says "this aphrodisiac is so powerful, it will drive you insane, even by just sniffing it's perfume. The inside of the cannon is already filled with this stuff, so never look inside."

Minamitsu raises an eyebrow, then asks "hey, fifty-thousand for this..? How exactly does it work?"

Reisen smiles very naturally under her scarf, pulls out a small gas mask, a pair of rubber gloves, hands them over to Minamitsu, then says "you'll need to wears these while you apply the aphrodisiac on to the 'cannonball'. After that, just load it into the cannon, aim, fire, then watch as your enemies are brought down by a powerful summon."

Both Minamitsu and Nazrin let out and expression of amazement, then Minamitsu hands Reisen the money, and says "sold! Now let's take this baby back to the ship!"

From behind the building, a woman calls "Udonge~! I need your help over here." Reisen calls back "coming Master~!", then looks at the girls and says "thanks for your purchase. Please consider us for any of your cannon, or ship upgrade needs. Bye~!"

As the girls leave through the front door, Minamitsu carrying the cannon, mask and gloves, and Nazrin carrying Ail like a sack of potatoes, Minamitsu whispers at the mouse youkai "seriously, who the heck is that girl?"

Nazrin shrugs and shakes her head, then says "she seems familiar, but I just can't put my finger on it. Oh well, let's take this back."

* * *

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, a raging storm threatens to destroy the ship, as Chen and Lily fight with all their might.

High above the grounded ship, on the mizzen mast, Chen and Lily clash swords with such ferocity, even Mima needs to wear sunglasses to watch, seeing as the cheer awesomeness is just too damned bright.

Chen back-flips to avoid Lily's buster sword, then jumps forward while swinging her saw-sword down, forcing Lily to move her left pegged-leg and avoid being hit.

Lily swings from the left to recover balance, but Chen blocks the side attack with ease and quickly tries a thrust, but Lily moves her buster sword with such eases and agility, it's as if it didn't even weigh an ounce, veering Chen's sword away and punching the nekomata on the nose.

Chen backs away and growls, to which Lily replies by raising her buster sword until it covers her mouth and nose, then ominously says "it's spring, kitty-cat.", then raises her left hand and gestures Chen to get closer.

Down on the deck, Tewi, staring up with awe and admiration, says "those two are pretty even."

Mima squints her eyes behind her sunglasses as she says "well, it's not over yet. Look!"

The entire scene changes to that of the insides of a futuristic sci-fi movie spaceship, and instead of being on the mizzen mast, Chen and Lily are on what looks like a ridiculously well polished metal bride.

When the girls down on what SHOULD be the ship's deck notice the suddenly change, they hurdle up into a hug, all with pale and blue faces, Yumemi asking "where the hell are we?"

Instead of the clanging of swords, the girls now hear electric buzzing noises, then Maribel points up at the fighting girls and says "look, they... they changed!"

Chen wears a black hooded cloak with the hood down, and underneath the cloak, she wears what looks like a futuristic black vest with buttons and a mobile phone to the left of a small terminal, a pair of tight black pants, shiny brown boots, and her regular green hat over her head.

Her jagged-toothed grin is still there.

Lily wears a light-brown cloak over a padded brown vest, which is over a long-sleeved white shirt, a pair of dirty ivory pants, shiny black boots, and her normal hat over her head.

Both their swords' hilts look the very same, but the blades themselves have become beams of light that retain the exact appearance of their normal blades, except Chen's is blue, and Lily's is yellow.

The girls clash their swords with such skill, if you blink once, you missed out on all the action.

Chen swings to the left, and Lily raises her sword's hilt, placing the beam blade in front of Chen's, then swings right, making Chen move her deflected sword to her right to deflect Lily's, then she suddenly flips, and kicks Lily on the abdomen, sending her flying three feet back.

Lily yelps and holds her abdomen, but quickly recovers and flies straight back at Chen, raising her beam buster sword above her head.

Chen swings her beam saw-sword from above her head to deflect Lily's, then jumps and twirls around the air like a crazed acrobat, swinging that sword around like a maniac, forcing Lily to defend while the nekomata lands, then Lily twirls left while swinging her sword, gets deflected, recovers and swings from below, gets deflected, and finally, both girls swing from above their heads and entangle their beam swords above their heads, making a disturbing electric buzzing sound as they press their faces against each other, both grinning wickedly at each other, then finally break apart once again.

* * *

Chen hisses at Lily, who smiles and sexily says "meow~", and flickers her eyelashes.

Chen's eyes turn almost demonic, her face turns beastly, then she launches at Lily with a loud "MREEEOOOWWW~!", as though trying to roar like a large cat.

Lily raises her beam blade above her head, just as Chen swings her beam blade down with all her might, defending herself from the airborne nekomata.

After landing, Chen swings left, Lily deflects and thrusts, Chen bends her abdomen and swings to the right from down low, Lily twirls right and swings after stopping, causing both beam blades to lock while pointing diagonally downward.

On what is supposed to be the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's deck, which actually has returned to normal, Renko and Chiyuri seem to be dazed by the intense battle, while the rest squint their eyes so as not to miss a second of the battle, all of them moving their bodies as though they are trying to mimic the fighting girls' movements.

While moving her boyd left and right, Yumemi says "those two are at a level of their own!"

Tewi chuckles and says "yeah! Just look at 'em go!"

Maribel quickly adds "oh my, Lily ate a family-sized pepperoni pizza in just one minute!"

Yumemi gasps, then says "shit, they're eating the honey!", then rushes toward the fighting girls.

Instead of being on the mizzen mast, and now wearing their pirate outfits yet again, Lily and Chen are sitting on a picnic table that happens to be conveniently placed there for them to have an eating contest.

Having already eaten thirty hamburgers, fifteen family-sized pizzas, and sixty-five sweet dumplings, the girls are on their last strands as they are now drinking away the honey.

Though Chen looks tired, and about ready to give up, Lily looks sick, tired, and just about ready to throw up.

Yumemi manages to grab three jars of honey, then tip-toes away from the girls, then Chen grabs one more mug filled with honey, stares at it with grimace, then chugs it down without thinking about it, bending her ears back as she does.

Her entire arm trembles as she pushes the mug against her face, then finally, after the honey is gone, she drops the mug hard on the wooden table, then wipes her mouth with her left arm.

Lily starts to shiver violently, but ignoring this, she reaches for the next mug of honey and shakily draws it closer to herself.

She stares with grimace at the contents of the mug, but goes for the win, however, the second she readies herself to lift that mug, she stops completely, stares at Chen, and finally drops to the ground, where her buster sword somehow comes flying from nowhere and stabs itself to her right, breaking a hole on the ship, surprising everyone when they realize that sword must weigh more than three cannonballs combined.

* * *

Minutes later, after the two grounded ships join Yuyuko's in the sky, Lily starts to wake up to the smell of something burning.

She starts to sniff around, making a rather rude noise with her nose, then suddenly opens her eyes wide, springs up on her seat, then the horrible sight greets her.

Yumemi sits with a depressed look on her face, sniffling while looking at the floor between her knees, and behind HER is a pile of empty honey jars and pots being burned for no apparent reason.

Lily suddenly gets up on her feet, shouting "NO~! Not good! Stop! Not good!"

She rushes to Tewi, who throws the last pot of honey into the fire, gets close to the youkai rabbit while holding on to the side of her long blonde hair, and sounding desperate, she says "what the hell do you think you are doing? You burned the jars, the pots, the sails, ...the honey!"

Tewi smiles and casually says "yes, the honey is gone."

Almost ripping off her own hair, Lily stiffly moves her hand in front of herself, and furiously shakes them in the air and shouts "WHY IS THE HONEY GONE?"

Tewi closes her eyes and counts with her fingers as she looks up and counts "one, after Chen beat you, she took off with most of the honey from the storage. Two, Yumemi got desperate and ate the last two pots, and now has a stomach ache that threatens to 'take her life', or so she says. And three... well, we thought we should honor the souls of the brave jars and pots by burning their bodies honorably."

Lily now looks as though she's ready to cry while staring at Tewi, shakes her stiff arms in the air again, and softly asks "but why is the honey gone?"

Tewi rubs her chin as she thinks a little harder, then says "hmm, lucky this ship doesn't actually use the sails to move, or we'd be neck-deep in trouble."

She turns around and decides to roast some marshmallows she conveniently pulls from under her dress, then says "oh well. Don't worry about it Lily. Once we make port, we'll head to the village to buy some more."

Lily's entire body shivers with rage, even her wings seem to be stiff from the stress, then she raises her hands and shouts out loud "**SPRIIIIIING**!", releasing a shit-load of danmaku, blasting Tewi, Mima, Yumemi, Renko, Maribel, and even Chiyuri, who exits her quarters, asking "hey, what's with all the, WAUGH!", only to get showered by petal bullets.

* * *

The next morning, all three ships are going at it.

Cannon-fire, clinging swords, curses, whimsical laughter, and pleas for honey echo for miles away.

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, poor Yumemi's face is pale as a ghost's, and Lily kneels beside her, unable to move, and all because neither had their morning honey, or honeyed toasts.

Chiyuri impatiently taps her foot, standing behind them while holding on to her exposed hips, glaring at the fairy and her supposedly-boss.

She finally loses her patience, face palms with a loud groan, then loudly says "seriously? You two are still moping over that? Jeez, get it together! The sooner we beat one of them, the sooner we can raid their honey stores, so what do you say to lending a hand already!"

Both girls suddenly fill up with life, their bodies react on their own as they stand up and face their 'captain', then Yumemi energetically says "then what are we waiting for? Renko, ready the new cannon!"

After Yumemi runs toward the front of the ship, Lily salutes Chiyuri, captains the cannon right behind them, fires a shot, then shouts "SPRING HAS COMETH, YOU FLAT-CHESTED SEA WENCHES! MUAHAHAHA~!"

Chiyuri starts regretting what she just did, seeing Lily become a monster with that cannon, firing so many times, the opening is starting to glow red.

The so-called captain starts to tremble, and slowly backs away, shielding herself from Lily's crazy aura with her arms while nervously saying "umm... I'll be over here if you... umm.. right."

Chiyuri rushes over to Yumemi and Renko, who have just unwrapped the large cannon they bought at Keine's suspicious store, then they slowly unwrap Kyo from inside a second sack.

Chiyuri lets out a quick whistle of admiration, then says "that's one ugly cannonba-"

Before she can finish, Renko rushes to her and covers her mouth, whispering "careful, you idiot! That thing is VERY volatile!"

Yumemi approaches the girls and whispers "it's a time-bomb cannon. Once we unleash it, the opposing ships WILL sink. It was a guarantee from the suspicious Keine."

Chiyuri suddenly smiles wide, then gleefully says "if the suspicious Keine said so, then it's a fact! Load it up, and fire... at **HER~!**"

Renko looks at Chiyuri with confusion in her eyes and asks "_her_, captain?"

Chiyuri's eyes narrow sinisterly as she looks at the two girls, who after a few moments, suddenly get her meaning.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the unnamed ghostly ship, Yuyuko lies on her side on the deck, wearing her undersized yellow bikini while reading the very same magazine from the boat race... you know, from the first Boat Race down at Nitori's resort.

Lunasa, Lyrica and Merlin, all wearing their pirate outfits, approach Yuyuko, salute her, then Lunasa says "captain, we are back with the report!"

Yuyuko suddenly stands up, stretches her arms above her head, making her breasts jiggle around, which get Merlin's full attention, then says "good. You may go on with the report."

Lunasa and Lyrica salute Yuyuko, and Merlin is nowhere to be seen, then Lunasa say "their honey stores were raided already, but they somehow restocked. They must have a secret, but we couldn't find what it was."

By now, the two Prismriver sisters know where their blue-haired sister is.

Merlin floats to Yuyuko's left, wearing a white micro-bikini and is comparing breast sizes.

Lyrica sighs, but decides to go on with the report, and says "umm, well, miss Byakuren gave us tea, and it wasn't poisoned, AND, more importantly, she wishes to know how was the melon bread she made for you. Um, I mean, the MEAT bread. ...Yeah, meat bread."

As she says this, she looks at Yuyuko's and Merlin's chests, then starts looking at her own, same as Lunasa, whose face has turned blue, and her eyes have become teary.

Yuyuko, on the other hand, smiles as she places her right hand on her chest as she giggles, then says "that Byakuren is so thoughtful."

Merlin starts floating above Yuyuko's head, and with a mischievous smile on her face, she says "and that Captain Murasa girl insists you are a middle-aged woman."

A red aura bursts from within Yuyuko, ripping her bikini to shreds and instantly replacing it with her pirate clothing, her eyes start to glow blood-red, her whimsical smile is nowhere in sight, and is replaced with a fearful stern look that even Merlin feels, even though she's actually behind the ghost princess.

Lunasa and Lyrica hold each other as they shiver away, then Lunasa asks "um... a-a-a-are you a-alright l-lady Yuyuko?"

Yuyuko sinisterly smiles, brushes her teeth, grins with a sparkle at the two girls in front of her, then sinisterly says "that leather-tailed mollusk wants war, I'll give her HELLISH war! Konpaku!"

Youmu appears in front of Yuyuko so suddenly, she looks like a beam of light for a few seconds.

She salutes Yuyuko, gasps when she notices her mistress' state, then asks "sh-she insulted you again, Yuyuko-sama?"

Yuyuko simply grins, her eyes completely covered in a dark shadow, showing only a reddish-white dot instead of her eyes, and in that evil and sinister tone of voice, she says "captain the summon cannon. That little excuse for a ghost-bitch is going DOWN!"

Youmu gulps, nods, then rushes toward a lone cannon that just happens to be over the ships portside (left side, man) now, even though it wasn't there just minutes ago.

Merlin, still wearing her bikini, approaches Youmu as she preps the cannon, then asks "what's a summon cannon?"

Youmu turns her head to look at Merlin, stares at the poltergeist's chest, looks down at her own, sighs, then says "just watch and be amazed."

* * *

At the Palanquin, showers of cannonballs and magic bullets rain down on the ship, accompanying the deafening sound of deafening cannon detonations.

A cannonball breaks off the starboard (right) rails, then Minamitsu, who has just fired a shot from her ladle, shouts "Naz~! Get the new cannon ready and take down that fake captain's ship! The rest of you, concentrate fire on the ghost ship! And someone fix that rail before Hijiri-"

Byakuren walks next to the broken rail, minding her own business while ignoring the incoming fire and picking up small white flowers on the deck.

As to how the HELL she's actually doing that is anybody's guess.

She hums after picking a few more flowers and adds it to the impressive collection she holds against her chest, looks at Minamitsu and waves, the captain waves back, then gasps after Byakuren falls over the ship while screaming "whoop, I fell over again~!"

Daiyousei quickly jumps overboard, shouting "ACK! There's a shark in the water! I'll save her!", then Minamitsu face palms, groans, then says "I don't care about the situation, these damned random occurrences are giving me a headache!"

A silver washtub falls on the captain's head, knocking her down after a loud **CLUNK, **knocking her hat off as well, then rolls away from sight.

Minamitsu slowly pushes herself up, ignoring how Daiyousei is giving CPR to Byakuren, who suddenly starts spitting water and coughing violently, and picks up her captain's hat while trying to recover herself from the dizziness.

After recovering herself, and Byakuren is hugging Daiyousei for saving her on the background, even though this is making Shou jealous, Nazrin, whose voice sounds muffled, loudly says "summon cannon is ready, captain!"

Ignoring how Byakuren grabs Shou and Daiyousei and give them both a hug, just to get blasted by an exploding blue bullet, Minamitsu smiles at Nazrin and says "great! Let's get it ready!"

She approaches Nazrin, who removes a pair of rubber gloves, a disturbing mask, and says "awaiting your command, captain."

Minamitsu closes her eyes as she smiles, and images of past events that never happened cross her mind.

The images are very vivid, and reenact events like that time she did not save Nue from the raging sea-currents, or that time she didn't sale through a hurricane in search of treasure, or who could forget that time she didn't fight a whole armada while using a maelstrom to speed up her own ship.

She opens her newly determined eyes, points forward, then shouts "FIRE SUMMON CANNON~!"

At the same time, Chiyuri shouts "FIRE TIME-BOMB CANNON~!", and Yuyuko shouts "FIRE ALL~!"

Minamitsu fires a screaming Ail at Chiyuri, Chiyuri fires an angry Kyo at Yuyuko, and Yuyuko fires a sigh-in-defeat Rinnosuke, whose silver hair pulls back as he is propelled through the air, at Minamitsu.

* * *

As Ail, Kyo and Rinnosuke fly through the sky, all tied up so they can't escape, a purple swirling vortex opens up right in front of Ail's path.

That vortex leads to Damien's newly remade Makai; more precisely, straight into a large coliseum that rests under a seemingly peaceful sky, where Damien and an army of demons of all shapes, sizes, appearances and colors await for Ail.

Damien snickers, then says "remember my servants, I get the first shot! You may beat him to death AFTER I am done."

The creatures nod in consent, then Damien eagerly says "here he comes!"

A large blue ceramic bathtub enters through the void, making it close afterward, surprises Damien into a strange state of shock, with bulging eyes, stiffened-straight hair, and a stiff body, then crashes no to his head, bouncing off him, then landing neatly on the stands.

Damien starts to walk around in a circle, then falls to the ground, then all of a sudden, one of the demon shouts "SAVE THE MASTER!", then all the demons scream as they all jump on Damien, trying to save him from... not sure what exactly, but they are trying to save him.

Damien screams out in pain as his slaves beat him with clubs, iron-knuckles, and teddy bears, all shouting "save him!"

"Don't let Ail escape!"

"Get Damien out!"

"Someone get a lawyer!"

Amongst the screaming, thuds and muttering, Damien's voice comes out clearly as he starts to groan first, then his groan becomes a thunderous scream of rage.

The sky turns blood-red, wailing winds howl loudly, then Damien pushes all his slaves away after just standing up and raising his arms.

The ground beneath them trembles, and after finishing his rage-burst, Damien looks around at his servants with his uncovered right eye.

He takes a few breaths, calms down, straightens up, smiles, the world seems to turn back to its seemingly peaceful state, then he says "you tried, my not-so-loyal servants, but no matter what you do..."

Damien raises his left hand, and from it, a black fireball appears floating just above his hand, a sudden storm hits, the skies turn dark again, then he smiles and says "I AM ALWAYS ABOVE YOU ALL~!"

The ground shakes as Damien screams these words, then he starts attacking all the demons with vicious bursts of black fire.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ail, Rinnosuke and Kyo fly by each other, Ail saying "what's up?", Rinnosuke saying "good day to you.", and Kyo saying "hey guys.", then zip on their way.

First to land is Kyo, then Ail, then Rinnosuke, who falls with an audio-tape player to his left.

On Chiyuri's ship, the girls get closer to Ail, all wondering what is the slowly-untying boy is doing on their ship.

Ail slowly gets up on his knees, and rubs his head with his right hand as he looks around at Tewi, Lily, Mima, Renko, Maribel, Chiyuri and Yumemi.

He smiles, pushes the rest of the rope off, then says "um, girls, you better keep away. They showered me with some weird aphrodisiac, and-"

Before he can finish, all the girls jump on top of him, and quickly start fighting over him.

Lily bites Chiyuri's arm, who kicks Yumemi's abdomen, who claws Mima's chest, who pulls on Maribel's cat ears, who has Renko on a figure-4 leg-lock, who is grabbing hold of Ail's left leg, who is trying to run away.

Ail tires to pull away from Renko's grip as he cries "c-come on, let me go! You guys, I'm serious, if you don't let me go now, you'll be very sorry!"

Suddenly, silence takes the ship after Mima asks "hey, what's that sound?"

There is a faint whooshing sound, along with a very faint scream that is becoming louder and louder as the seconds goes by.

Chiyuri looks at Lily and asks "is that you, Lily?"

Lily shakes her head left and right, then Mima says "whatever it is, it's getting closer."

Ail face palms while shaking his head, then says "I warned you."

The girls gasp when the clouds in the sky suddenly split apart, revealing a raging Sanae, her long green hair flailing with the wind, her white vest and long blue skirt seemingly ready to rip off due to the friction of the wind because of the speed she's moving at, and her gohei seems to be shining on her right hand.

The girls stop attacking each other and try to run their separate ways, but it's too late.

Just before crashing gohei-first on to the ship, Sanae shouts "Spell Card! Jealous Girlfriend Saves her MAN~!", then a blinding flash of light-blue light covers the entire ship in just seconds.

* * *

At Yuyuko's ship, the girls stare at the unconscious Kyo, who wears a green muscle shirt, a pair of black pants, a pair of wooden sandals, and his hair looks combed because of the wind pushing back on it as he flew through the sky.

Youmu cautiously approaches him, pokes his shoulder, then Lunasa whimpers and says "wait, you'll wake it!"

Youmu replies "but I have to make sure he's alive! And what if he's hurt? He's still human after all!"

Lyrica looks at Merlin, who is wearing her pirate outfit again, then asks "why the heck would they send him to our ship like that?"

Merlin shrugs while saying "beats me. He looks so weak and pathetic. Look at him, he's not even a threat."

Youmu suddenly yelps, then excitedly asks "what are you doing?"

Yuyuko has grabbed Kyo, and is spinning him by his left rib on her finger, like spinning a basketball, except he's not a ball, but a whole human, and looks as though she's not even putting any effort at all.

She looks curiously at Youmu, then says "oh, relax Youmu. Look, I'll put him down if you're that concerned. Oops..."

Yuyuko accidentally drops Kyo on the floor, but bends down quickly and picks him up again, this time standing him up as straight as she can, though his feet are up, instead of the head.

Merlin giggles, then says "a face only a mother would love."

Youmu face palms and sighs, then says "Yuyu-sama, you placed him the wrong way."

Yuyuko looks at Kyo's feet for a moment, flips him, then reveals Kyo is wide awake, growling softly while clenching his teeth tight, trembling as he balls both hands into fists, and slowly, his face starts turning red.

Youmu, Lunasa and Lyrica gulp loudly, while Yuyuko stares casually at Kyo and says "ohh, look Youmu, he's turning red."

Youmu grabs Yuyuko by her hand and shouts "TIME BOOOOOOMB!"

Kyo's growls turn to a raging scream, his red aura expands too fast for even Youmu to escape in time, then the entire ship flashes red.

* * *

Over at the Palanquin, Rinnosuke slowly gets up until his sitting upright and crossing his legs.

He wears his usual blue and black kimono-like shirt, blue pants, his belt-bag, which rests on his abdomen, a pair of white shoes, and a pair of glasses over his yellow eyes.

How the hell did his glasses survive the fall is a mystery to all.

Minamitsu, Kogasa, Nazrin, Shou, Byakuren and Daiyousei surround the half youkai all wondering what is his purpose, if any.

Minamitsu looks at Byakuren with cute, confused eyes, then asks "lady Hijiri, why would they send this guy over here?"

Shou takes a step forward and says "kick him off before he recovers!"

Byakuren lifts her left finger at Shou and says "now Show, that's not the correct thing to do, sweetie. Clearly, he is a youkai in need of assistance."

Daiyousei giggles and hugs Byakuren's arm, saying "you're an angel!", which makes Shou exceedingly jealous, evident in her longing, yet angry stare.

Kogasa gets closer to Rinnosuke, bends her knees to stare into his eyes, then smiles and says "he looks like a little lost lamb. Can I keep it?"

Nazrin seems to be the only one who remains suspicious of the man, then all of a sudden, she opens her eyes wide and exclaims "you IDIOTS, that's a summon-"

Before she can say more, Rinnosuke opens his mouth to speak, but the audio tape player activates, and his voice comes out of it instead.

The girls silently stare at the strange, magical device as Rinnosuke's voice loudly says "**Aya** ...**Yukari** ...**Marisa**.", then the tone of voice becomes flirty as it continues "I am willing to give you a sponge bath if you save me from these rum-soaked pirates."

The tape clicks off, then the real Rinnosuke sighs and says "this is the last time I listen to that ghost princess."

Nazrin panics and shouts "QUICK! Throw him! Throw him overboard, before it's too late!"

Rinnosuke sighs, then says "it's already too late. Real sorry about all this, ladies."

Completely unexpected, after Rinnosuke apologizes, Nazrin's cheeks turn pink as she gulps and stares unblinking at the silver-haired man, as though wanting to jump on him and do things that I just cannot mention now.

From the portside (left), a playful-sounding woman screams "darling Rinnosuke~! I'm coming for you! You can use your bare hands on me, dear!"

From above, Marisa, who wears her regular outfit, flies straight to the ship with her Hakkero already on hand, shouting "keep away from my Kourin, you yeast-ridden cuttlefish!"

From the starboard side (right), an annoying nasally girl's voice loudly shouts "ayayayayayaya! I've been waiting for this all my LIFE!"

Nazrin jumps on Rinnosuke, wraps her arms and legs around his torso and over his arms, and shouts "this kind gentleman belongs to ME NOW! Defense Sign, Pendulum Guard!"

Yukari, who wears her purple dress, her pink mop hat over her long blonde hair, and a pair of elbow gloves, shouts "keep away from him! Boundary, Charming Quadruple Barrier!"

Marisa shouts "you bilge rat, how dare you lay a hand on my Kourin! Star Sign, Dragon Meteor!"

Aya, who wears her usual ivory-white button shirt with the last button open, black mini-skirt, red sandals, and red tokin over her long brownish-black long hair, shouts "You'll never defeat the fastest reporter in the world! Illusionary Dominance!"

All four spells collide at once, creating a massive yellow orb of light, so blinding, that even you would go blind if you looked at it with sunglasses on, no matter HOW cool they may be.

Minamitsu raises her hands as she smiles with a narrow-eyes scowl, then shouts "to hell with EVERYTHING!"

Then the ship gets completely engulfed by the yellow orb of light.

* * *

All three ships explode at the very same time, the explosion being so darned massive, it wakes the blue-wavy-haired Remilia up from her deep morning slumber in such a violent manner, that she literally falls off her bed while desperately flapping her bat wings with all her might under her sheets.

Reimu, who wears her usual outfit, exposing her armpits as always, stares at the explosion from the Hakurei Shrine, awes at the sight, then gasps and exclaims "oh no! I left Rika at the brig!"

At the Human Village, in front of Keine's suspicious school, which obviously works as a suspicious shop when needed be, Keine and Reisen squint their eyes to look at the explosion, and after the lights-show ends, Keine turns to Reisen, then both slap their hands together, then they actually bro-fist.

With a grin on her face, Keine says "oh yeah, we make some NASTY cannonballs!"

Reisen, with a wicked smirk on her face, says "we're going pro, sister!"

At the blast sight, one would think the explosion would have disintegrated the ships, but instead, all three ships merged at the bow, making one nasty-looking flying object with questionable navigation, and horrible choice of grayish-black paint finish.

All the girls and boys on the ships look terrible, with burned clothes, burned and dirty patches of skin, and exposed underwear.

At the portside (left) of what should be Chiyuri's ship, Sanae has one very frightened and confused Ail held tightly around her left arm, while she fends off the hungry-looking Maribel, Lily and Mima with her gohei.

At the back of what should be Yuyuko's ship, Lunasa, Merlin and Lyrica, along with five other spirits, cower over a corner while Kyo prepares to jump off, holding a very disturbing and frightening look of pure rage on his face.

On the helm of what should be the Palanquin, Marisa, Aya, Yukari, and Nazrin, hold one of Rinnosuke's limb each, and even though he screams and groans in agony, each girl keep pulling him to her side, Marisa saying "that sponge bath is MINE!"

On the strangely merged center of the odd flying object are Minamitsu, Chiyuri and Youmu fighting inside a cloud, throwing punches, screaming in pain, groaning, biting, kicking, and throwing very offensive insults at each other, and they are of the highest of quality, and so, I cannot repeat them to you.

Yuyuko, Byakuren and Yumemi stand beside the fight cloud, staring on with a whimsical smile on their faces, but not one of them even tries to stop the fight.

The girls suddenly stop fighting, Minamitsu holding a straight hand aimed at Chiyuri's neck, Chiyuri biting down on Youmu's left calf, and Youmu pulling up hard on Minamitsu's pants, then all three girls ask at the same time "do you feel that rumbling?"

From beneath the deck of what should be Yuyuko's ship, Rika bursts right through, bearing her six pair of wings, her Soraogan mode fully activated, her family sword glowing with righteous fury, and Rika herself repeats "part of the crew, part of the ship! Part of the crew, part of the ship! **Part of the crew, part of the ship**!"

She suddenly raises a double-sided spell card and shouts "part of the crew, part of the... What am I saying? I'm loyal ONLY to miss Reimu and the Hakurei Shrine! **TAKE THIS**! Quicksilver, Ten'i nai Campeci Souhazan!"

The two bright extra pair of light wings on Rika's back spread around and engulf the strange flying object, Rika seems to disappear, and for the girls, only three seconds pass when Rika reappears just slightly to the left from where she initially was.

She sheathes her family sword, nods her head with a "humph!", then casually flies away back to the shrine.

Mima sighs with relief, then says "good. She wasn't as mad as I- ...though."

The creepy flying object suddenly has beams of silver light appearing all over it, all perfectly straight horizontal and vertical lines, and once it becomes narrow-squared grid, the ships becomes a raining heap of wood and sawdust.

* * *

On the ground, all the girls and boys, save for Sanae and Ail, who are eating each other away with kisses over on some conveniently flat rock, moan and groan in pain as they slowly get back up.

Chiyuri, Minamitsu and Youmu manage to lift their heads, then Minamitsu looks at Chiyuri and weakly says "s... see what you have caused, you stupid blonde..."

Chiyuri looks at Minamitsu and weakly says "thi... this isn't over. I-I'll die before I accept defeat."

Both girls look at Youmu, who rests her head on her left hand, and says "bah, don't look at me. Yuyuko is just having fun, and I have to follow orders. End of story."

Over on the sky, Kurumi flies toward the girls, points at Chiyuri, Minamitsu and Youmu, then cries "waah~! There they are, officer! Those are the girls that touched my wings!"

The girls lift their heads in surprise, then a strange woman flies next to Kurumi, patting the blond vampire's head and saying "don't worry little child. These fiends will never touch you again."

The woman has long red hair she ties into a small ponytail with a yellow ribbon, which, by now, is already reaching her lower back, and a set of ridiculously long sideburns.

She wears a purple kimono with red flower markings on the bottom of the sleeves and dress, and has red, intense eyes.

Kurumi sobs, looks up at the woman, then says "thank you, officer Kotohime."

Chiyuri manages to get on her knees, then angrily says "HEY! We've been blasting our asses off on your ships the WHOLE DAY! How can we have possibly molested her while we were doing just that?"

The other two girls sit on their knees, nod in consent, then glare back at Kurumi.

Kotohime gets in front of the vampire and extends her arms, to protect her, then smiles and shouts "You horrible being just added a few extra years in prison for that! Justice, Maniacal Girl!"

Red stars start shaping a large flower formation in the air, then rapidly head straight at the weakened girls, whom can only laugh at their own misfortunes as they wait for their inevitable meeting with pain.

* * *

Meanwhile, amidst the piles of wood and snowing sawdust, Agava and Nue free themselves from underneath a woody grave.

Both gasp for breath, then Agava says "free! F-finally free!"

Nue coughs, then says "my plan for getting rid of that Nazrin is RUINED!"

A beating heart rolls over to the girls, then Agava looks at Nue and asks "izzat yours?"

Nue looks back at Agava and rapidly shake shakes her nervous head, then asks "is it yours?"

Agava promptly stands up, pulls her own head off, sticks her hand inside herself, then pulls her hand away, places her head back on, then says "mine's still there."

Nue stares at Agava with a disgusted green face, and says "you are incredibly disgusting, you know that."

Before Agava answers, Mima floats by with a smile, stops and looks down at the beating heart, grabs it, stares at it, smiles again, swallows it, looks at the girls with a friendly smile, then says "I was wondering where that thing went. Thanks for finding it for me, girls. I tell you, last time it almost got stabbed."

Mima floats away, giggling as she says "can you believe that? Something about a 'Flying Dutchman', sailing the seas forever, and some other noise like that."

Both Agava and Nue stare at each other with fright, then Nue jump-hugs Agava to wait for the violent shivering to stop, then the shadow youkai says "I could go for some honey right about now."

* * *

To Be Continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Luna Rivers and Agava were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Rika's Spell card:

Quicksilver, Ten'i nai Campeci Souhazan ((Complete Space Embrace Lunge)) by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

Other references belong to their respective owners. Credit where it's due.

DEC 25 2010

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Took some time, but I updated this. How did you like the references? Did I go too far? Nah! That's the whole point. To be random and hard to explain. But damn, too many characters, and there are still more to come! Still, that's the whole point, to cause a mess with as many characters as I can. Hmm... I wonder who else will jump ships next time? Oh well, expect more random references, random things happening at random, AND, more importantly, more suspicious dealings of the suspicious kind... suspiciously even.**

**By the way, the "boat race in Nitori's resort" is found on the Extra Chapter of Dear Friend from Sukima.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the epic delay! Jeez, I actually got distracted by the holidays things and parties, got a damned writer's block at the middle of the chapter, and started lazing around as well, and an odd thing happened on my Fanfic account, and all my alerts had been disabled, as well as my PMs, so I took my time fixing that and making sure it was ok. But I did it, and I finished it! Know there are LOTS and LOTS of references here; so many, that I lost count! Oh, hope you can spot, and identify the one reference used in the Scarlet Devil Mansion scene *wink*.

* * *

**

Inside a dark and gloomy building, where screams of tortured bastards... er, I mean, tortured men, echoes through the dimly lit gray-stone-walled corridors, Minamitsu, Chiyuri, and Youmu, walk through with their heads down while being led by Kotohime, with their ankles and wrists shackled with heavy irons, and their outfits dirty, as though they've been in there for ages, when in reality, it's only been two minutes.

They finally reach their cell, where Kotohime takes off their shackles, one-by-one, and pushes them in, closes the iron barred doors, and says "molesting young and cute vampires is against the law. Perhaps some time to think about what you have done will enlighten you."

As she steps away, Youmu rushes to the gate and cries "but I'm a little girl too~! Besides, I'm younger than that vampire!"

Minamitsu face palms, then adds "you stupid human, how many times do we have to tell you?"

Chiyuri stands up and stomps her right foot, then says "we were blasting each other with cannons all day, so we never even got NEAR that vampire!"

Kotohime stops walking, slightly turns her neck left, so that her vicious left red eye is seen clearly, then sinisterly whispers "oh, I know. I paid her with a jar of my blood to get you into custody."

Youmu opens her eyes wide, then furiously rattles the prison cage gate while shouting "you sick psycho-bitch, when I get my hands on you, I'll-"

Kotohime turns around and rapidly walks toward Youmu, and when they are face-to-face, glaring at each other, and breathing heavily while doing so, Kotohime says "one of your damned stupid cannonballs crashed RIGHT on to these prison walls, and thanks to you, I'm going to have to remodel, so I might as well punish you hard, and I swear, I will not stop until you start LIKING the pain!"

After analyzing Kotohime's words, the three jailed girls look at each other, then at the back wall, then realize it's just about ready to crumble, so Chiyuri smiles confidently, pokes the weak-looking wall, then the gray bricks drop and turn to dust on the floor.

There is a strange, and very familiar chime from a certain world, of a certain green-clothed hero, that echoes all through the prison, and now, after the smoke clears, there is a hole there the size of a palace door on the wall.

Kotohime's face turns blue when she realizes her blunder, then starts looking around her person for the keys.

While she does, with wicked grins on their faces, Youmu, Chiyuri and Minamitsu wave at Kotohime as they walk right out of the prison, and into the suddenly heavily packed village's market area.

As they walk out, Kotohime shouts "wait! I order you to stop right there until I get my keys, so I can put you in the other cell! I'm not done with you yet!"

After the first two girls leave, Minamitsu stays behind to grin at Kotohime, and says "this shall be the day you shall always remember as they day that you ALMOST imprisoned Captain Minamitsu Murasa!"

With those words, she salutes Kotohime, who is going through each key to open the cell, then runs straight out the wide opening.

Finally, Kotohime opens the gate, then runs to the hole on the wall, but stops when she realizes they have gotten lost between the human mob, failing to look up at the sky, where Minamitsu and Chiyuri are mooning her as they fly away.

The princess sighs, then says "dammit Kotohime, you really need to start thinking things throu- hey~, what's this?"

On the ground just outside, right next to the prison's wall, Kotohime finds a cute little glass figure of a small fairy in a tutu, raisins her hands above her head while balancing on one foot, glued on to a round mirror platform.

She now smiles and giggles as she inspects her newly acquired useless treasure, then says "so cute. I better get this inside!"

As she exits toward the front of the building, she shuts off an old record player, stopping the screams and moans of the tortured men, pulls on a curtain string, and reveals a VERY clean, white-walled prison behind the dimly-lit one, then takes her new item to a room full of junk she has collected over the years, and she seems to be doing a great job of rivaling Marisa's collection already.

Mountains of junk, knickknacks and books, as well as items from the outside world, pile up all over the room, some piles threatening to fall over at any given moment.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Youmu reaches the miraculously airborne ghostly ship, which is actually in perfect condition, which is surprising when you consider the damage Rika Onkamikami had caused after her sudden outburst.

The moment the half ghost places her foot on the deck, her ghost half rushes to her and twirls around her, like an excited pup, then Lunasa, Merlin, Lyrica, and the jagged-toothed grinned Chen, with her two swaying cat tails, approach her with odd looks on their smiles.

Merlin pats Youmu's back and says "welcome back, Youmu-san! So glad to see you back so soon!"

Lyrica grabs Youmu by her shirt over her shoulders, then says "we can't find captain Yuyuko anywhere!"

Lunasa pulls Lyrica and throws her away, making various unnecessarily loud crashing, glass breaking, and squealing gargoyle sounds, then calmly says "she said she wanted to go look for some way to free you, but-"

Before she finishes her explanation, the large clock tower over at the Scarlet Devil Mansion starts to play its bells, its morbid chime echoing all the way to the Bamboo Forest of the Lost.

Over at said mansion, which rests in the middle of a small island, which is full of many beautiful trees of many shapes and sized, which is at the back-center of the Misty Lake, which is a really good vacation spot, which should be great for attracting tourists, the usual peace and quiet is disturbed by the sounds of explosions, crashes, screaming girls, disturbing crunching and munching, and the sound of the clock tower bells playing their song.

Form inside the mansion, a loud and angry young girl's voice is heard shouting "Sakuya, get that damned ghost OUT OF MY MANSION!"

An elegant, calm, yet strong young woman's voice is heard shouting "Meiling, cover her escape!"

A proud, yet somewhat childish-happy and strong woman's voice is heard replying "I'm sorry, Sakuya-san! She went right through me."

Sakuya's voice is heard shouting "Patchouli-sama, above you!"

A peaceful, soft, yet cold young woman's voice says "Koakuma, prepare the trap, just like in that book!"

A happy, and mischievous young girl's voice replies "will do, Patchouli-sama! Just need to roll it underneath her and..."

There is a loud buzzing sound, followed by another, more subtle buzzing sound, then a screeching electrical noise, then Patchouli shouts "wait! Don't cross the beams!"

There is a loud explosion, then a loud, happy, peppy and hyper girl's voice loudly says "kaboooommm! This is fun! More! Do more!"

A whimsical, happy, and peaceful woman's voice replies "I'm sorry dear, but it's time I went back to my ship. See you all later~!"

Silence returns to the island, and for a few seconds, it seems everything is returning to normal, so Remilia sighs and calmly says "finally. What was her problem? Anyway, Sakuya, make sure to clean the-"

There is a sudden rumble, accompanied by a thunderous roar, then Yuyuko's voice echoes along as she asks "mind if we make a little side-trip?"

There is a second roar, then a voice equal to Meiling's, only fiercer and colder, replies "get off my damned BACK, you slimy old hag!"

There is a sudden bang, Kimi's mighty thunderous roar, then Yuyuko's voice, sounding sinister, says "call me a hag again, and you'll be swabbing the deck with your tail. ...Now move, or you'll get another! And take that creepy shadow with you!"

A raspy, unfriendly, and rather irritant girl's voice suddenly shouts "hey, what the hell? Let me go you... WAUGH!"

Kimi's large snake-like dark-green dragon body slithers away through the air from the back of the Scarlet Mansion, carrying one smiling Yuyuko on her neck, who is wrapping a very tight arm around Kali's neck, chocking the poor shadow of a shadow youkai.

* * *

Moments later, at the unnamed ghostly ship, Youmu is already extending her hand to help Yuyuko up to the deck, but instead, Yuyuko tosses the shadow girl at her, making Youmu tumble backward with the girl on her hands, then climbs up the ship on her own, promptly followed by one annoyed, yet somewhat frightened Kimi Hong.

The long light-orange haired dragon wears a brown caribbean pirate's hat, a closed sleeveless light-brown vest closed by crossed strings just under her breasts, a short-sleeved white turtleneck shirt with slightly puffed sleeves, a pair of tight black pants, a brown belt with a golden buckle and sheathed sword, a pair of brown ankle-high boots, and wears a strange high-tech eye-patch over her left eye, which is actually black with a red pupil that seems to be surrounded by white flames.

When Kimi takes a look at herself, her look of disgust is replaced by a surprised, and thankfully enough, amazed expression, then says "huh~ I'm not sure when exactly did I change, but this isn't half bad. I LIKE it!"

After looking at herself, she realizes she just zoomed in on her own shoes, and the words "kickass boots" appears written in red right in front of her.

She gasps and looks at Yuyuko, who smiles and says "work for me, and you'll get to keep that for good."

Kimi smiles in such a vile and disturbing manner, she looks like a super-villain, and while she salutes Yuyuko, she says "I decided not to eat you; not only because of these awesome clothes, and the fact that you are Hakurei's friend, but because I am actually starting to like you a little, ma'am."

Kali and Youmu groan as they get up on their seat, and when Kali looks at Kimi's new attire, and especially the new accessory, she gasps, her face twists with immeasurable amounts of fear, and thinks "I'm so damned screwed!"

Kali has her white hair made into buns, and wears a worn, long brown shirt that covers down to her ghostly bottom quite well, and tied around her waist is a black belt with a silver buckle, which has a hand-guarded hilt sword sheathed to the left, her usual golden necklace, and a pair of large golden earrings.

Kimi stares at Kali, smirks, then says "what a pathetic attire..."

Kali starts to shy away, doing her best to keep her red eyes away from Kimi, then the pirate dragon scoffs and says "so that's your bust size. Good. Keep it that way and we should be fine."

Tears hang just underneath Kali's eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest and cries "stop staring at me with that _thing_!"

Kimi grins, then turns around to look at Yuyuko, who is now surrounded by the Prismriver sister, and Chen.

* * *

Yuyuko seems worried about her crew giving her such angry and disappointed looks, but inside her mind the images of sweets and tea float by, completely disregarding the fact that she may be in trouble.

Yuyuko sighs, then asks "is something wrong darlings?"

Youmu approaches Yuyuko and says "captain, the crew, and that includes me as well, were expecting something a little bit more... sweet."

The other girls nod in assent, then Youmu continues "what with Marisa's house going all red-hot, reclaimed by the witch!"

Down at the Forest of Magic, in front of Marisa's house, Marisa summersaults forward, then kicks a spirit on what should be the face while screaming "**hya~**!", abruptly lift her right fist and strikes another spirit that was right behind her after screaming "**hwa~**!", then twirls her broom on her left hand with amazing skill, moves the twirling broom around, knocks several spirits that were around her all over the place while screaming "**whoooriaa~**!", then stops the broom with the brush side on the bottom, and leans against it.

She takes a few breaths, stands up straight, lifts her broom from the ground, then twirls it and bends her knees as she stabs the top of the broom behind herself while screaming "**ayiyiyiyi-TA~**!", striking one last spirit hard on what should be its abdomen.

After she's done, she stands up straight, looks around at the mess of beaten spirits sprawled all over her front yard, then sighs and says "my honey! Go find your own."

Back at Yuyuko's ship, Yuyuko covers her face with a light-brown fan, then says "alright, if it's honey you want, take a look at THIS!"

The ghostly princess unwraps a small cloth with a double-ended key drawing, then asks "ladies, what should we do next?"

Lunasa, Youmu, Chen, Lyrica, Merlin, and now Kali, all look at each other, before Merlin asks "we should search for the chest this key unlocks?"

Yuyuko smiles, then says "hey, that's a great idea! Anybody have any idea how to get this chest?"

Kimi face palms hard, making a loud slapping sound, and while holding her face, she says "you idiots, why should we even go looking for a chest we don't have the key for?"

Youmu smiles at Kimi, then whispers "finally, someone with common sense", then says "right. First thing to do would be to find this key. I highly doubt a drawing of a key will do much."

Yuyuko lifts the cloth from her hand, revealing the double-ended key on her hand, then asks "you mean this key?"

Both Kimi and Youmu stare at the key with shocked eyes, but before Kimi can burst with rage, Youmu sighs and says "l-let's just go find the chest."

* * *

Meanwhile, Chiyuri compacts her special deluxe model monocular with high frequency noise-reducing microphone, capable of taking 3-D HD picture with a mere thought, and has a wicked portable gaming console installed, then places it in her pocked.

She then snickers and says "so, a chest, huh? Well, might as well... Miss Reimu, set sail after that ghostly ship! We are taking that treasure for ourselves!"

From behind her, Reimu replies "you know, as much as I'd love to, there's one problem... _captain_."

Chiyuri turns around with a smug smile and asks "and what would that problem be?"

Chiyuri gasps when she remembers she and her crew were just storming the Palanquin, and were failing miserably.

While Cirno, Rumia, Shou, Nue and Nazrin point their swords and fingers at Reimu, Rika, and Yumemi, surrounding them perfectly, the maiden says "we are STILL on the Palanquin, and they are kicking our asses."

Chiyuri blinks twice, then realizes Minamitsu is right behind her, poking the back of her neck with her ladle, and with a mischievous tone of voice, the captain says "treasure, eh? Better leave this to a REAL captain. Now, bye-bye... Raging Storm, Blowing the Bitches off MY SHIP!"

Minamitsu's eyes glow aquamarine for a moment, then her body becomes translucent, her eyes turn red, then a powerful gust of wind, accompanied by a shower of green, blue, red and yellow droplet bullets, sweep the intruding girls off their feet and blows them all the way back to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, all while the bullets explode on the girls and the winds tear their clothes off, leaving them in just their underwear by the time they reach the ship.

Both Reimu and Rika wear a sarashi and a pair of white bloomers, while Chiyuri and Yumemi wear modern brassieres and panties; Chiyuri's are of smiling yellow fishes in a blue sea, while Yumemi's are of strawberry designs.

On the Palanquin, Minamitsu smiles with pride, then says "alright girls, we have treasure to hunt, so let's get- Huh?"

Her smile turns to a confused stare when she realizes the girls are all growling while glaring at her, and all because she accidentally ripped their clothes off with her spell, revealing their underwear.

Cirno and Nazrin both wear a white dress-like undergarment and a pair of short bloomers, Rumia wears a short string-sleeved undershirt and a pair of white bloomers, Shou wears a badly-wrapped sarashi, and a pair of tiger-striped panties, and Nue covers her bare chest with her arms, and wears a simple white panty with a cute little pink bow on the front.

Minamitsu blushes at the sight, smiles, then says "so, I'll be over at the helm if you need m-"

Before she can finish her sentence, she is bombarded by a most beautiful concentration of assorted danmaku she has ever seen..., but as you may have guessed, the beauty is equaled by the amount of pain she feels when those things start exploding on her face.

* * *

And so, they are off.

All three ships start heading toward one spot, with Yuyuko's ship on the lead, and Chiyuri's not far behind, while the Palanquin lags farthest, thanks to Captain Minamitsu Murasa's underwear problem.

As they sail along, over at Yuyuko's ship, Kimi rests her bored self over at the portside (left) rails, then thinks "even with this super-eye-patch thingy, I still think this is not WORTH IT! I need to get out of here and... wait... Wait, what's this?"

With that special eye-patch, she can see Meiling Hong, her original self, sleeping while standing in front of the SDM's gate.

She wears her usual green beret with a star that reads 'Dragon' over her long scarlet hair, which reaches all the way down to her lower back, her closed, sleeveless green vest over a white short-sleeved shirt, her long, green skirt over her long white pants, and her black slippers, which seem to look a lot more uncomfortable than they really are.

Kimi smiles brightly after sighting such a moment of weakness from the dragon youkai, then loudly says "enemy sighted!"

Merlin mysteriously appears to Kimi's right and says "that's not the enemy. She's not even on a ship."

Not expecting Merlin, Kimi twitches at the sound of her voice, grabs her by the neck, then says "don't do that, you creepy little poltergeist!"

Merlin simply smiles back, then asks "so, you just want to mess with that girl, don't you?"

Kimi's smile returns to her almost instinctively, then she nods rapidly while excitement fills her right eye.

Merlin grins with wicked malice, then sinisterly says "let's get her!"

Both girls rush over to the portside (lifts side, kiddies), and while Merlin takes the cannon, Kimi, who stands to the right of Merlin, closes her right eye to make better use of the zoom feature on her hi-tech eye-patch.

The dragon gasps with excitement when the little machine writes out the exact coordinates of Meiling, the wind trajectory and speed, and, coincidentally, the angle the cannon needs to be at so that it may reach the intended target.

Kimi's grin widens, then she says "this thing is so worth all of this! Aim that cannon at a fifteen degree angle up, twenty-eight degree angle left."

Merlin's grin turns jagged-toothed as she aims the cannon, and once she's set, she says "read and willing!"

Kimi raises her left hand, points up at the sky to signal Merlin to wait, then suddenly shouts "FIRE!"

The cannon goes BOOM, Kimi and Merlin smile widely, then wait as the cannonball whistles in the air as it flies straight to the unsuspecting gate guard.

Expectancy claims the dragon and ghost's faces, Yuyuko is having tea and dumplings, Youmu is serving the dumplings, Lunasa is playing her violin, Lyrica is polishing her nails, Kali is playing DDR in front of a randomly placed television on the ship's deck, and doing very well for someone without actual legs, and finally, the cannonball lands on Meiling, making the poor gate guard scream out loud along with a loud **ka-boom**.

Kimi and Merlin laugh hard while rolling around on the floor, holding their sides and shedding tears of joy after causing pain to another, and after calming themselves down, they take a few breaths, they look at each other, then they start laughing again.

Moments later, the girls stand up, then Merlin manages to stop laughing long enough to ask "s-so, how does she look now?"

Kimi manages to hold herself on to the rails to get a look at Meiling, then starts laughing hard as she says "oh my Gods! She sprawled around the floor like an old vegetable bag, HAHAHA! Oh, oh, and her pants burned off!"

The girls laugh some more, then Kimi starts to blush as her laugh slowly stops, then she gulps and says "and she's wearing... smiling-chibi-Sakuya-print panties, and..."

Kimi gulps again, a drop of blood rushes down her left nostril, then says "and... I've seen something good!"

She takes off the eye-patch, hands it over to Merlin, breathes heavily, says "I need air!", then rushes away from the rails, and into the ghostly shrine replica.

Merlin stares curiously at the seemingly useless eye-patch, places it on, looks at where Kimi was looking at, then blushes, smiles, drools, then says "oh, this is good. Her panties burned off."

* * *

Meanwhile, on the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's deck, the hot pirate Marisa uses her broom to sweep the deck, when suddenly... Iku!

The oarfish lands right in front of Marisa, wearing a black bandanna with a pink ribbon around it that looks like antennas over her short blue hair, a long-sleeved crimson shirt over a short-sleeved light-brown buttoned vest, a long brown skirt that covers all the way down to her feet, and a pair of black sandals.

Yumemi suddenly stands next to Marisa, and looking curiously at Iku, she asks "miss Nagae, what seems to be the matter?"

Marisa leans closer to Yumemi and whispers "hey, don't be talking to her, or she'll never leave."

Iku ignores Marisa's comment, takes a deep breath, exhales, then says "I come for one reason, and one reason only..."

There is silence.

Iku stares at the girls with s straight face, while Marisa and Yumemi stare back at her with wonderment and confusion.

Iku suddenly twirls in place, claps her hands twice while stomping on her left foot on the floor twice at the same time, and while taking a few elegant dance steps, she says "I've come... to FEVEEER!"

She spins in place, stops abruptly while facing the girls, places her left hand on her hip, raises her right hand in the air, then all the way over the Youkai Mountain, the Moriya Shrine explodes.

Marisa and Yumemi flinch after they hear the sudden explosion, recover, and look over the starboard (right) side, then watch as smoke rises from the rubble that once was a shrine just a second ago.

Iku stares at her risen hand, then frowns as she sadly says "oh no... Wh-where's the fever at?"

Chiyuri rushes over to the girls, stops beside Marisa and Yumemi in front of Iku, then excitedly asks "what the hell was that? Are we under attack?"

Marisa points at Iku, and unable to fully understand what just happened, she and says "somehow, she just made a shrine go boom."

From the crew's quarters, Reimu loudly asks "did something happen to my shrine?"

Marisa shouts back "no... No, it was the Moriya Shrine."

As if nothing important happened, Reimu casually replies "oh, then it's ok."

Marisa stares in disbelief toward Reimu's voice, thinking "that's so cold."

Chiyuri approaches Iku, points at the oarfish, then a silver washtub falls on her head, knocking her down instantly, then rolls away and jumps over the portside rails.

Yumemi smiles afterwards, then asks "do you want some tea, miss Iku?"

The dragon nods, then she, Yumemi and Marisa head straight toward the dining room with smiles on their faces, completely ignoring the unconscious Chiyuri twitching on the deck.

* * *

Over at the Palanquin, Minamitsu compacts her monocular, stares at the blue sky to her left, then says "I am following two idiots who are searching for treasure without knowing their own heading. Either I'm more stupid then they are... or my captain instincts are kicking in because we'll eventually arrive at the correct destination."

She lets out a quick breath of air, then look to the ship's deck, where Wriggle, Rumia and Daiyousei are going about their business, keeping the ship clean, making sure the ropes properly tied, and sliding on the newly-installed red slip and slide mat, now with a rubber-duck pool at the end of said slide.

Minamitsu smiles as the girls continually switch positions, somehow changing into swimsuits when playing on the slide, then change back to their pirate outfits, just after exiting the little pool.

The captain sighs, looks up at the sky, then says "yes... this is the essence of bliss. I shall follow them, and I just know that, somehow, we will reach out goals. So for now, play, my children, ...because once we make port, we'll be kicking asses and taking names."

She closes her eyes just as they pass through a large raincloud, and smiles as the wind and stinging-cold water smacks her on the face.

Meanwhile, below the deck, Nue hides behind three stacks of barrels, all tied to a pillar so they don't fall off, and peeks her head over the left of said barrels, then points her red eyes at a sole cannon that stands in the middle of the room, tied to a small piece of string that probably starts a trap that's overly complicated, and takes about five minutes to actually work.

Nue rubs her hands together and says "this will make that mouse stay far away from Kogasa! Jeez, I'm not done corrupting her, and she's already all over the girl! Well not on my watch! Ha! Here she comes."

Nazrin walks down the steps to the cannon room, talking to herself loud enough for Nue to hear, saying "mmm~, that pineapple salad was delicious!"

A little red flag pops on Nazrin's head as she continues "really put me in enough of a good mood to tell master how special she is to me..."

Another little red flag appears on Nazrin's head, then she continues "ah, and now I suddenly feel very nostalgic. So many awesome things I did back then in the day..."

Another little red flag pops on Nazrin's head, then a mouse runs to her with a broken paper airplane, crawls up her leg, hands the broken paper airplane, then jumps off the mouse youkai and scurries away.

Another little red flag pops on Nazrin's head as she angrily shakes her fist in the air and shouts "Andrew, you little twerp! That's the paper airplane lady Hijiri and I made this morning! Stupid!"

Nue chortles when she sees the four little death flags on Nazrin's head, then thinks "how fortunate! She's going to die for SURE!"

Nazrin finally notices the misplaced cannon, and after laying eyes on it, she stomps her right foot, groans angrily, then asks "who the hell put this cannon here?"

She looks around, groans when she notices there is nobody around, then growls and mutters to herself "seriously, I have to everything around here. Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

The moment she touches that cannon, Nue's tension rises and her mischievous red eyes and grin expand as eight more death flags rise on Nazrin's head, and then, right after the string snaps, she jumps out of hiding while pointing her right hand at Nazrin, then shouts "HA! GOT YOU!"

Outside the ship, Hina, wearing her long green hair tied in front of her chest with a frilly red ribbon, a large frilly red bow on her head, and a red dress with an unfortunate swirly green symbol on the bottom of the skirt, is flying in the sky with a smile on her face, humming a song to herself, and just as she opens her mouth to sing, she crashes against the Palanquin's bow, yelps upon impact, then falls to the ground below, crying "so unfortunaaaate!"

Inside the cannon's room, Nazrin stares at a pile of heavy barrels and steel beams with a completely unamused expression on her face, then says "really, all of that unnecessary machinery just to get owned yourself? You've been watching way too many cartoons, girl."

In a daze, with broken ribs, arms, legs, and ego, Nue lies underneath the heavy pile of deadly items with all twelve of Nazrin's death flags on her own head, but even as broken as she is, she manages to pull her right hand free, flip the middle finger at Nazrin, then she expires.

Nazrin shrugs, then turns around while saying "whatever. When you wake up, you better pick those up, or I'm punishing you again."

* * *

Over at Yuyuko's unnamed ghostly ship, Kali is mopping the roof of the shrine while on her shadow form, when she realizes she is being observed by the police princess, Kotohime.

After the shadow and the princess stare at each other for about five more seconds, Kali loudly says "Yuyuko~! There's a bitchy princess whose age is a mystery here to see you~!"

Kotohime stiffens her body as she shouts back "hey, I'm not bitchy, you black... skinned... um, thing!"

Kali snaps back "nice comeback, princess redhead."

Kotohime places her right hand on her chest and bows with a smile, politely saying "thank you.", then elegantly flies down to meet with Yuyuko.

Kali glares at the princess, then says to herself "that wasn't a compliment, you little virgin."

From the shrine replica, Kotohime shouts "that's none of your business!"

Inside the shrine, Kotohime sits on a cushion next to a small table, where some tea and cookies on a plate have been set for her, while Yuyuko sits at the other end of the table on a green cushion, with three cups of tea, five pates of cookies, and six plates with three dumplings on each.

Kotohime leans over to Yuyuko, then says "from one princess to another, you have to understand, your precious Youmu has a debt to pay, and if she can't pay with money, she'll have to spend a few days in prison!"

Yuyuko leans back, holding her chin while chewing on a dumpling and staring at the ceiling, as though lost in thought, then she gulps, drinks a bit of tea, gulps it too, looks at Kotohime with a whimsical smile, then says "there might be a way..."

Yuyuko leans closer to Kotohime until the two princesses are face to face, then Yuyuko whispers "we are currently hunting for a treasure chest of unknown size or origin, but we guess it's full of gold. Help us get the treasure, you get your money, fix your little prison, and everything is all good and happy again, savvy?"

Kotohime seems to be lost in thought, ignoring the tea she spilled on her lap is seeping through her kimono now, while Yuyuko straightens up and asks "how could you pass that up?"

Kotohime, ignoring the sizzling of the burning tea on her lap, straightens up, stares at Yuyuko with disinterest, then says "by remembering I serve others, miss Saigyouji."

Yuyuko giggles, then replies "oh my, it's not miss Saigyouji anymore. It's MISSIS Konpaku now."

Youmu enters the room with a tray of rice balls as that very moment Yuyuko says those words, and loses all her strength, drops the tray with the food, which Yuyuko catches with a whimsical smile, then asks "WHAT? M-m-m-missis K-K-Konpaku?"

Kotohime stares at the ghostly princess with surprise, then smiles and asks "wait, what? Are you telling me you mo-?"

Before Kotohime can finish, Yuyuko opens her fan to cover her blushing, smiling face, then says "oh my, no. Youmu came to me last night and... oh-ho-ho~, it's so embarrassing. I wasn't ready for her."

Youmu has now turned to stone, but that doesn't stop Yuyuko from grabbing her arm and pulling her on to her lap, and say "we are now one!"

Kotohime excitedly says "oh my, congratulations! May I attend the wedding?"

Yuyuko giggles and says "oh my, of course!", then looks at the stoned Youmu and asks "is that alright with you, honey?"

Youmu breaks free from her stoned state with a face so bright red and hot, she looks like she could fry an egg on it, and after stammering and flailing her arms around, she finally manages to say "n-no, wait! It's not like that at all! I... I just wanted someone to come with me to the bathroom!"

Kotohime blushes beet red, then looks away to the exit of the shrine to the left, and says "oh dear, what a shameless thing to say! Who knew such a sweet-looking girl like you was into that stuff."

Yuyuko has grabbed hold of Youmu again and has forced her to sit on her lap, yet Youmu is too distressed over the misunderstanding from Kotohime to take notice.

The half human gasps, then says "no, wait! It's not like that! You... you have to believe me!"

Yuyuko finishes Youmu off by opening her big mouth to say "oh, and I was just a pure maiden. Now, I belong to Youmu only."

Kotohime opens a fan and starts flapping it in front of her face, saying "goodness, such lewd girls."

The poor half human is left with one last course of action to save her reputation.

She starts to cry and rub her eyes, then shouts "Yuyuko-sama, you big jerk! Waaah~!"

* * *

At the Garden of the Sun, a well-known green-haired youkai woman with deceiving friendly-looking red eyes, who wears a red plaid vest over a long sleeved white shirt, a matching long red plaid skirt, and carries a pink parasol, which is actually a flower that never wilts, enjoys a very peaceful moment with her many colorful flowers by just staring at them with a very peaceful smile.

The warmth and light from the sun is suddenly cut off from reaching her and her flowers, and with a rather confused look on her face, Yuka Kazami looks up at the sky, curious as to what might be foolish enough to cover her sun, then spots three massive ships parked right on top of her field, one of them, painted black and gray, floats over her own house, and two of them, the black and gray, and largest of the three ships, are exchanging noisy blasts and colorful bullets, threatening to take her house down.

The left side of Yuka's lip stretches all the way back to produce one of the most disturbing smiles she can produce, and as her lip twitches, she closes her eyes, and as an ominous shadow covers said eyes, she says "my, my, my, my."

Immediately, Kurumi, the seemingly young blonde vampire, and Elly, a rather useless scythe-carrying gate guard appears right before Yuka, both standing in attention before the mighty youkai.

Elly wears a long dark-red dress with a pink capelet over her shoulders, a pair of pink shoes, and a light-pink hat with a red ribbon.

Before they can ask what is wrong, Yuka points up at the ships, so Elly and Kurumi wisely turn around to look immediately, then Kurumi's face turns blue at the sight, while Elly angrily sighs.

The girls turn around to face Yuka, then, with an ominous smile on her face, the flower youkai says "we have guests. Girls, make sure they are... well-cared for, ...you understand?"

Elly, and the disturbed Kurumi salute Yuka, Elly loudly saying "understood! Make them pay for taking away my dear Yukarin's sun before my boyfriend arrives! GOT IT!"

Yuka face palms and groans with a clearly visible frown, then says "him again. Keep the damned kisses to yourselves, or I'm going to ram this umbrella up your-"

* * *

On the unnamed ghostly ship, Kimi, Kali, Youmu, Chen and Lunasa stand in attention, as Yuyuko paces around them with her hands behind her back, the odd key hanging around her neck and stuffing itself in her cleavage, and holding on to a stick of sweet dumplings, which keep getting eaten, even though they are all the way on her back.

As the ghostly princess paces around, the girls follow her with their heads, waiting to hear her instructions.

Yuyuko walks to the left, then to the right, then to the left again, then stop, looks at the girls, opens her mouth, then walks to the right.

The ghost princess stops again, opens her mouth, then the extremely annoyed pirate dragon, Kimi Hong, loudly asks "so we SOMEHOW arrived at the right place, and now are waiting for orders! What the HELL are you damned orders?"

After shouting, Kimi looks to her left and mumbles "jeez, stupid middle-aged ghost woman."

Youmu, Kali, Chen and Lunasa now cower on the floor, hurdle together in a shivering embrace, where fear is the main course, and terror is the dessert.

Kimi looks at the girls with disgust, then very suddenly looks away from them with surprise and fright evident in her usually proud face.

The powerful and ominous presence of one pissed-off Yuyuko looms behind the dragon with glowing red eyes, open jagged-toothed mouth with glowing insides, her entire body has become a black shadow, and Kimi, being sensitive to looming presences, knows the moment she turns around, she is going to regret it.

The dragon doesn't need to turn around for the action to begin, and the four cowering girls whimper when the sounds of crunching bones, gushing blood, and the horrible screams of pain from Kimi fill the air.

Now there is just silence, and the girls, one by one, slowly open their eyes to greet one whimsically-smiling Yuyuko, who holds a brand new brown briefcase with a woven light-orange hair handle.

Tossing the dragon-skin briefcase at Youmu's feet, Yuyuko speaks in a stern, yet kind tone "take that with you.", then recovers her whimsical and playful tone of voice as she says "now, the treasure is probably guarded by someone, or something very fierce. It's a rule, so be on your guard."

Youmu grabs the briefcase, opens it up just slightly so that she and Lunasa can peek inside, and from inside, the sound of death metal, along with many flashing lights and explosions, surprises the girls to no ends.

Kimi peeks her head from inside, and as she glares at the Youmu, she angrily says "hey, close the door! You're letting out the awesome!"

With her eyes blown to twice the size of her own head, and with her silver haired, now standing on its ends, Youmu slowly closes the briefcase and whispers "no ...It's just impossible to explain."

Ignoring the shocked girls, Kali asks "so captain, what do you propose we do?"

Yuyuko unsheathes a well polished sword with a gold hand guard hilt, raises it to the air, then says "we spring the trap, of course!"

Chen recovers her wide jagged-toothed grin, unsheathes her saw-sword, then screams "shred their bloomin' faces off, MUAHAHAHAR~!"

* * *

On the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, while Maribel, Marisa, Mima, Rika and Yumemi fire cannonballs, magic bullets, and deadly, yet tasty spinning pizza slices at the Palanquin, Chiyuri has Renko, Lily, Reimu and Tewi standing in attention before her.

A trail of blue droplet bullets whiz past the left side of Chiyuri's head, and by tilting it right, she avoids being hit, and she does so while saying "...and so, we go down there, grab the damned treasure, stuff our hands between those two massive marshmallows, grab the key, then return here! Did I make myself clear?"

Before the girls can answer with a smile, a purple swirly portal opens behind Chiyuri, and immediately, Damien jumps out, raises his staff at Chiyuri, reveals the blood-red veined blades on said weapon, then says "alright, mister captain, I know you have Ail here! Give him to me, NOW! And don't you girls dare move, or I'll RIP his damned neck off!"

After saying that, Damien presses the blade on to Chiyuri's neck, then, looking infinitely confused, Reimu asks "what? Don't you mean _her_ neck?"

Damien narrows his revealed right red eye, then points at Chiyuri with his left hand and says "no, I mean _him_! The one standing right in front of me."

Chiyuri's eyes are immediately covered up by a sickening blue colored shadow, small drops of sweat roll down her face, and strands of her hair start springing all over her head.

Renko scowls, sighs, then says "look, I don't know what your problem is, but, number one, Ail is not here. He's with his girlfriend somewhere! And number two, Chiyuri IS a girl, you stupid jerk! Just because we are flat-chested, doesn't give you the right to insult us in such a manner!"

Damien twitches, turns a violently-trembling head to Chiyuri, looks at her from her feet up, and the only thing he notices is her exposed hips, yet he still can't call her a girl just yet.

He gulps loudly, fills himself up with courage, then decides to look at her chest.

Horror fills his entire being when he looks further up, but when he fails to see much difference or filling, he sight with great relief.

He suddenly realizes Chiyuri's twintails, then fear starts taking him again.

The girls are right, and this flat-chested person is actually a girl, seeing as no man would actually wear twintailed hair.

Trembling, he slowly removes his weapon, takes three steps away, then asks "y-y-you really are a... g-g-g-girl?"

Chiyuri drops on her knees and starts to sob, and with a cracking voice, she manages to say "y-you stupid jerk *sob*! I am a cute girl! I am CUTE, dammit!"

All the girls kneel beside their captain and try to comfort her as best as they can, rubbing her back and speaking softly.

Reimu says "shh, it's ok. He's just an ass. You are cute, so don't cry."

Renko pats Chiyuri's head and says "it's ok, let it out. We can kill this bastard later if you want."

Lily leans her head on Chiyuri's left shoulder, pats the back of her neck, then says "there, there, your spring will come."

Tewi sighs and looks away, and trying to sound as friendly and tenderly as possible, she says "come on captain. Y-you don't have to get like that. Umm... I mean... I understand your pain, but..."

Damien stands just one step away from his vortex back home with a frightened look on his already pale face, and trying to sound villainous, but at the same time, understanding, he says "j-jeez, gimmie' a break. Don't go crying like that. I mean, j-just wear pads if you're so damned concerned!"

A knife flies straight and true, and stabs itself right on Damien's forehead, sending him tumbling backwards into his vortex, which closes off as soon as he enters it.

Reimu is the first to turn her head, and only manages to see the silhouette of a short-hair woman with dual braids for sideburns, wearing what looks like a maid's dress, and a cool-looking scarf around her neck.

The _mysterious_ woman disappears from sight long before the other girls turn their heads, then Reimu whispers to herself "who ...who was that?"

* * *

Over at the Palanquin, Cirno, Daiyousei, Nazrin, the revived Nue, the little red-haired fairy, and Wriggle, each man a cannon, and along with many cannonballs, and magical bullets, they also prepare to fire Kyo, Rinnosuke, and Aya, whom are all tied up while inside the basket of a brand new, conveniently positioned catapult.

Shou pays the suspicious Keine with a large sack of money, and after she looks inside the bag, the suspicious Keine smiles and says "don't worry. As long as the rope holds up, you can shot them over there as many times as you want."

Shou sighs while rubbing her forehead, then replies "thanks. The last cannon you sold us was only good for one shot."

The suspicious Keine grins, then says "no it's not. You can always load Kyo, Yuka or even Remilia, and you should get similar results."

Shou stares back at Keine... um, I mean, the suspicious Keine, then turns her torso to look at the lonely cannon over at the portside, then turns around again to address to the suspicious woman, but instead, she finds she now holds a folded yellow piece of paper on her hand.

As she opens the paper, she ignores the suspicious Keine in the sky, who shouts "you'll never catch me, princess copper!", who is being followed by Kotohime, who replies "that's OFFICER Kotohime to you! And when I get my hands on you, I'll close off your suspicious shop!"

Both girls fly back toward the village, while Shou reads the letter left behind.

"_Dear customer, I am sorry I had to leave so soon, but duty calls. Remember that for all your ship upgrades and needs, come visit the suspicious Keine's store in the center of the village. Bring money, and just one friend. Don't want that cop sniffing around._"

Shou finishes reading the letter, crumples it up, tosses is behind her, it explodes violently, sending Byakuren screaming while flying forcefully in the air, then says to herself "lady Hijiri, if you'd just stop Murasa already... *sigh* ,but whatever. You are still... Hijiri."

A gigantic translucent image of Byakuren appears on the sky, smiling back at Shou with a shining face, then a cannonball flies through the image's forehead and breaks it apart at the same time as the real Byakuren crashes against the door to the sleeping quarters and groans out in pain.

* * *

Meanwhile, down on the darkened shores, er, I mean, lands of the Garden of the Sun, Minamitsu, Ichirin, Unzan, Mystia and Rumia, walk toward Yuka's house in search of that unknown treasure chest... and what's more, without a compass, or anything to seemingly guide them.

As they approach the seemingly small house with light-blue roof, light-red walls, and full of vines that have small white flowers with red centers, Ichirin starts to get cold feet and says "m-maybe we should turn back... while we're still alive."

Minamitsu turns her eyes left to try and look at Ichirin while saying "don't chicken out on me now, sailor! My instincts say there's treasure over there, and we're not leaving until we get it!"

A small black treasure chest flies straight out of the right window if the small house, and lands right on Ichirin's head, then bounces on to Rumia's hands, who catches it and asks "is that convenient?"

While Ichirin lies curled on the ground, holding her head with both hands to suppress the pain that throbs ever so sharply on the massive bump on her head, Unzan and the other girls get their ears closer to the chest, and quickly enough, the sound of a beating heart surprises them all, and even Rumia yelps, drops the chest, and jumps away from it.

From inside the chest, the thump-thump gets faster and louder, and comes accompanied by the muffle sound of a little girl's voice, who says "hey, what's the big idea? Stop tossing me around and get me out of here, dammit! I really need to use the bathroom!"

Ignoring the little girl's cries, Minamitsu exclaims "what the hell? A heart? That's the treasure?"

Ichirin grunts as she gets up from the ground and says "I told you we should have gone back."

Rumia and Mystia hug each other tightly, and while trembling, Mystia says "w-w-we sh-sh-sh-should leave that here."

Rumia nods a trembling head and adds "severed hearts don't beat on their own! I-i-it's just not natural!"

Unzan approaches the chest, gently picks it up, opens his mouth, then Minamitsu angrily says "no way! I'm not letting that ancient ghost, or that captain wannabe touch this thing! No, we are taking this back to the ship, and that is FINAL!"

**KABOOOOOMMMM~!**

There is a loud explosion up in the air that startles all the girls on the ground, and when they look up, Chiyuri's ship is on fire, and the numbers in white '24780' appear above it.

Minamitsu smiles, salutes the burning ship, grins with malice, then says "I knew buying that catapult cannon was a good idea."

Very suddenly, Kurumi appears flying behind Mystia and Rumia, then startles said girls when she shouts "got you! Stealing from miss Yuka's house! I'll have your heads!"

Flowers of all varieties start springing up from the ground, between flower stems, and even from the ivy on the walls of Yuka's house, then all grow stems and leaves that makes them look like humanoid creatures.

Minamitsu gets so nervous at the sight of Kurumi, she loses all her nerve as she points at the vampire and shouts "RUN! Molested vampire is going to get me arrested~!"

The girls immediately run toward Yuka's house, while Kurumi shouts "HEY! Don't run away from me like that! At least TRY to touch me! Get them!"

The flowers suddenly spring swords out of nowhere, then chase after the Palanquin girls.

After the flowers leave, Kurumi remains where she, holding her chin as though lost in thought, remembers what she just shouted out, then says to herself "wow, now that I think about it, that came out completely wrong in so many ways."

* * *

The sky has become dark and greenish, the flowers sway as violent gusts of winds start blowing out of nowhere, and now, thunder and lightning strike hard on the usually peaceful Garden of the Sun.

In the center of this sudden storm, standing firmly on the ground with their weapons drawn and held tightly, Chen and Lily stare at each other from across the only empty field in the whole garden.

Lily rests her large buster sword on her right shoulder as if it's made of cardboard, while Chen swings her saw-sword around, stabs it on the ground, flosses her fangs, then picks up her sword again.

The girls point at each other with their left hands, then Lily says "猫又" (you over there! Ready for round two?)

Chen reads the subtitles, grins widely, then replies "あなたはそのパイありがとう！これは美味しかったです！" (I'll beat you again, fairy!)

Lily reads the subtitles, then snarls and holds her sword in front of herself, and says "ウーッ！私はパンツを食い込ませることを得た。" (we'll see about that, CAT! Get ready!)

Chen reads the subtitles, hisses, revs up her saw-sword, then shouts "私の5セント貸して下さい！" (oh, you asked for it! Hya~!)

The girls lunge at each other, their weapons high above their own heads, then clash in the middle of the empty field.

On the sidelines, far away from the action, Chiyuri's, Minamitsu's and Yuyuko's hunting parties, along with Yuka, Kurumi and Elly, all sit on a set of stands made by Yuka and her flowers, and all cheer on the girls, edging them to eviscerate each other.

Even though they can clearly hear the bloody cheers, Chen and Lily continue to snarl at each other as they push back on each other's weapons, ignoring the cheering girls, and focusing on their fight.

* * *

Chen and Lily push each other away, then rush forth for another attack!

Lily swings left, Chen deflects and thrusts.

Lily sways left and punches Chen on the face, making her flinch and rub her nose.

Chen feigns dizziness, giving Lily a false sense of security, so the fairy jumps high in the air, raising her sword high above her head, and as she lands, she swings down as hard as she can, but Chen is waiting for her, and as soon as she's close, the nekomata swings upward with all her might, sending Lily spinning in the air, following after her, then kicking the fairy on the back, sending her spinning farther than she should.

The second Lily feels the ground on her back, she stabs her sword on the ground after her, stops abruptly, then uses the rebound momentum to lunge after Chen, taking her sword with her.

Chen stares at Lily with surprise, but prepares her defense while Lily flies toward her with her sword pointing at her face.

Both weapons clash so hard, the clanging sound from their weapons overpowers the sound of thunder that strikes just as they collide, then it starts to rain.

Although the drops of rain slowly intensify along with the vicious gusts of wind, the nekomata and the fairy continue their battle, striking at each other as fiercely as ever.

Chen swings left, Lily parries the attack and thrusts, but Chen rolls on the ground and threatens to cut Lily's legs off with her buzzing saw, forcing the fairy to jump and stab her sword on the ground beneath her, which causes sparks to fly when Chen's weapon collides with it, causing the young cat girl to screech in fright.

Lily takes her sword and summersaults in the air with it, hoping to take Chen out, but the nekomata is quick on her recovery, hops left just before Lily's sword strikes, then swings left to try and take Lily's head.

Lily manages to lift her sword in time to deflect Chen's attack, then raises her sword above her head, and swings with all her might.

Chen swings diagonally-up, and when both weapons meet, another loud clang causes a sound wave that makes even Yuka shiver, then the fighting girls push against each other with all their strength, and just like that, their weapons fly right out of their hands, spin in the air several feet away from their reach, then fall stabbed on the ground, crossing each other to form an 'X' shadow.

Chen and Lily back away, then stare at each other again.

Chen now wears a black karate suit with a black belt, and Lily wears a pink karate suit with a black belt as well.

Above their heads, Lunasa, Merlin and Lyrica, all wearing black shirts and pants, play an end-of-the-world theme, while Mystia, who wears a white shirt, black pants, and black brassiere, sings a loud choir that sends chills down the spectator's spines.

The Lunasa and Mystia that sit at the stands, stare at themselves in the air, then Lunasa says "I look good in black... but, white? Mystia, I can see your underwear!"

Mystia sighs, then says "that's the idea! The female vocalist must always look hot."

Lunasa gasps in surprise, then rubs her chin as she ponders on this thought.

* * *

As the girls play the epic song above, completely disregarding the rain and strong winds, Chen and Lily start taking steps around each other, not taking their eyes off one-another, then Lily points and says "time for a spring beat down!"

Chen hisses, then sinisterly replies "your wings will be my new cat teaser!"

Both girls scream and rush at each other with their fists raised, and when those two tiny fists impact, an invisible wave pushes the raindrops around them away from them, creating an invisible dome, then the strange force field disappears, and the rain flows normally again.

Chen and Lily continue to match punches, kicks, knees, elbows, and game cards, then suddenly jump to their right, landing on top of a large bed of sunflowers, yet walking on them as though they don't weigh an ounce.

Yuka gasps as she leans forward on her seat, then says "they better not mess my precious darlings, or I'm going to have to spank those adorable epic butts."

Lily and Chen run at each other while on top of the sunflowers, not bending a single leaf or petal on them, and right when they are in reach of each other, Chen joins her wrists together and pushes her open hands forward, sending a blue fireball at Lily.

The fairy bends back, and she and Chen start moving in slow-motion, while everything else moves at a normal speed.

The fireball flies slowly over Lily's body, and after a minute passes, and the fireball is out of reach, the two girls resume normal speed, and Lily springs back up straight with a righteous fist of fury flying straight at Chen's face.

Chen crosses her arms in front of her face, but even when so perfectly defended, Lily's punch sends her skidding backward, yet no sunflower is harmed.

As she starts to slow down, Chen raises her left knee, both her arms, then suddenly stops; a closer look reveals she has stopped by placing a toe on the very tip of a single sunflower petal.

Chen takes a deep breath, lowers her right hand to chest-height, then motions her fingers to taunt Lily into getting closer.

The fairy rushes forth, and when in reach, she and Chen resume their fight, matching punches, knees, elbows, more punches, and even flying kicks.

Finally, Chen clicks her tongue, then flies away to the sky, followed promptly by Lily.

The girls resume their fight in the air, throwing punches, pushing those away, kicking and jumping in mid-air to avoid those, throwing furious knees at each other and using their bare hands to push those knees away, then finally, Lily scores a hit on Chen's abdomen.

The nekomata can't help but hold her stomach after that sky-rattling impact, which is so strong, it causes another invisible force field to push the raindrops around them away, forming another giant dome, which lasts even longer when the girls start moving in slow-motion again, then resuming their fall as soon as the force field is gone and the girls move at normal speeds again.

While Chen holds her stomach, Lily holds both her hands above her one head, then viciously punches Chen down to the ground, making her fall for what feels like an entire minute, and finally, she crashes on to the ground, creating a massive crater in the very middle of the empty field.

The battle is over, Lily has won, yet she feels this isn't over, and stares at her fist with a worried, longing look in her eyes.

The storm stops, the epic concert girls disappear, and everything seems to return to normal, however, a strange silhouette looms behind the sunflowers bed, glaring with white furious eyes toward the crater in the center.

* * *

On the stands, Yuka leans back with a sigh, then looks at the blocked-by-ships sky and says "alright, now that the fight is over, it is time to punish you all for blocking out my sun and trespassing in my home."

She takes her parasol on her left hand, points to her left, and shout "now get read-", but quickly realizes all the girls have left the stands, leaving her to herself.

Yuka frowns, a tear escapes her left eye, then she sniffles and says "they didn't even stay for a snuggle."

She walks over to the crater left by Chen, and to her surprise, the little nekomata is still lying there, wearing her pirate outfit again, and snoring softly while sucking on her own thumb.

The flower youkai finds this adorable, and quite curious, so she decides to get closer and slides down toward Chen.

She stares at the cute, sleeping little cat girl, then giggles and says "that's so cute. Maybe I should keep her as a pet."

Yuka reaches for Chen, thinking of the so-many pranks she will play on her new pet, but when her hand is an inch away from the nekomata, something slaps it away, and with a surprised look on her face, Yuka looks forward and says "oh my, another adorable beast youkai."

Ran Yakumo, the nine-tailed kitsune shikigami, who wears a pink hat with seals all over that covers her fox ears as well, has short, but bushy golden hair, a long white robe-like dress with an indigo-colored sash on top, and white socks with indigo borders, glares at Yuka with those intense golden eyes of hers.

Yuka chuckles, then asks "does this little cat belong to you?"

Sternly, Ran replies "yes, she's my shikigami. Now, if you would be so kind as to get away and allow me to take her..."

Yuka chuckles again, and in a dangerously friendly tone, she says "oh dear, no, no, no. You trespassed into my territory and dare make demands? I'm going to have to punish you, little fox."

Ran glares at Yuka without moving an inch, then suddenly grabs her clothes from the middle, then rips them off with a furious roar.

A pair of black gaps with ribbons on the edges, and ever-staring violet eyes from within them, cover Ran's chest and groin, as the now naked kitsune stares furiously at the flower youkai.

On the ground, Chen suddenly moans, stretches, scratches the ground with her cute little claws twice, then starts to purr as she says "mm- Ran-shama... hehe, soft... warm tails... milk."

Both Yuka and Ran stare at Chen with intense eyes, as though ready to destroy the little, defenseless, sleeping nekomata with furious blasts, then their cheeks turn pink, blood gushes out their noses, then both fall over on their backs with smiles on their faces.

Lily, who wears her peg-legs again, flies over the girls as she crosses her hands over her chest, then exclaims "double k.o.! Flawless victory! You may go to the next level, Chen!"

The nekomata moans again, giggles, the smacks her lips and continues to sleep, knocking Lily out as well with blood on her upper lips, and a smile on her pink-cheeked face.

* * *

Somewhere over the Garden of the Sun, Minamitsu holds the beating chest with the little girl screaming from inside, and along with her, Mystia, Ichirin, Unzan and Rumia run as though their lives were in stake... because they are.

Behind them, Chiyuri's and Yuyuko's crew chase after the girls with weapons and fingers raised, yet forgetting to actually shoot their magical bullets at the running girls.

Minamitsu throws the chest at Ichirin and shouts "head toward the ship! We'll take care of these girls!"

Ichirin tries to grab the chest, but it slips right through her fingers, falls on her left foot, making her trip and fall face-first on the dirt, then the chest itself rolls twice before finally stopping.

From inside, the little girls shouts "HEEEEYYYY! What the hell do you think you are doing? What's going on out there?"

Minamitsu, Rumia and Mystia turn around to shoot at their pursuers, unaware of Ichirin's blunder, then fire at the girls with all they got, realizing too late that Ichirin is on the way and getting up from the ground, rubbing her head while on her knees.

Rumia stares at Ichirin, then shouts "ah, idiot, get out of the way!"

Too late! The magical bullets violently explode, stopping the chasing girls, and sending the chest flying sky-high, while the girl inside shouts "kyaaaah~! Stop it, please! I'm going to hurl!"

The chest falls upside-down hard, bounces once, then stops when it falls with the lock facing the ground.

Elly grabs the chest with a triumphant smile, holds it around her right arm, then says "ha! Nice try, but what belong to miss Yuka STAYS with miss Yuka!", then snaps her fingers three times in the air, annoying Mystia and Minamitsu.

The night sparrow rushes forward, grabs Ichirin, raises her above her own head, then throws her straight at Elly.

The useless gate/door guard places the chest close to her left ear, unaware of the sexy projectile flying her way, then asks "hey, where's the thump-thump?"

The second Ichirin's head makes contact with Elly's chest, a powerful reaction takes place, a whistle deafens all that are close by for a moment, then a massive explosion sends everyone flying scattered all over the garden, the sky, and even thrusts Youmu, Tewi, Renko and Ichirin herself, back to their own ships, forcing them to go through their ships bows, making large holes and taking 31 health points each.

Maybe not be much... but it's still annoying.

* * *

Back on the ground, Reimu, the only girl left standing, finds the treasure chest upside-down on the ground, gently picks it up, looks around with curiosity, then spots Yuyuko lying unconscious on the ground, and the key to the chest lodged between her breasts.

Reimu smiles, casually walks over Yuyuko, makes sure the to place a sleeping charm on the ghost's head, then stuffs her right hand in the ghost princess' cleavage.

Reimu looks up at the sky as though thinking while saying "hmm, let's see... Kind of cold in here. Now, a kitchen sink, pack of cookies, Youmu's panties, what the-, the Excalibur? A-ha! They key!"

After much searching through useless junk, Reimu smiles when she finally finds the key, then pulls it free from its soft, tight prison, raising it above her head as it magically spins just over her hand, and a familiar green-tunic-hero's treasure-GET fanfare plays ever so loudly.

Reimu takes a few steps away from Yuyuko, then kneels on the ground and gently sets the treasure chest in front of her knees.

From inside the chest, the little girl groans, smacks her lips, then asks "hey... is somebody out there? Please, get me out of here."

Reimu giggles, then says "don't worry, I'll get you out before one of these idiots wakes up."

Exclaiming with great relief in her voice, the little girl says "oh, thank you, thank you! Please, hurry! I don't know how long I can hold it in!"

Reimu sticks the key into the dual-keyhole, and from her right, Yuyuko shouts "Kimi, I choose YOU!", then the briefcase that is Kimi Hong flies straight on to Reimu's head, making her yelp loudly as she is flung away from the chest with a heavy briefcase on the head.

From inside the chest, the little girl shouts "wait, WAIT, just turn the key! NOOOOO~!"

Reimu springs back up on her feet and glares furiously at Yuyuko while shouting "hey, what the hell was that for, you large-breasted spectral fiend!"

Kneeling on the ground, bowing until she is literally kissing the ground, the restored Kimi exclaims "Hakurei maiden, I apologize for the disrespectful attack!"

Reimu bends down and pat's Kimi on the head twice, though keeps glaring at Yuyuko, and says "don't worry, those charges are all wet!", then straightens back up.

Yuyuko giggles, then points at Reimu and says "sorry miss maiden, but that treasure is mine. If you want treasure of your own, go to your donation box. There's a surprise waiting for you there."

Kimi stands up, staring angrily at Yuyuko, and says "hey, don't start lying to her now, or I swear I'm going to have to punish you. Right miss maiden?"

When Kimi looks to her right, she realizes Reimu is no longer there, and is already disappearing over the sky, followed by Rika, who shouts "my lady, what's wrong? Wait for me, please!"

Kimi looks back at Yuyuko in disbelief, then says "she actually fell for it... I'm so very disappointed."

Yuyuko pulls a massive red piko-hammer from her right pocket, then smiles and walks toward Kimi while saying "but I didn't lie. There is something waiting for her over there. Something very, very good. Now, you've been a very bad mutinous little dragon, so I'm going to have to punish you, sweetie."

Kimi only has time to open her eyes wide and scream "wait a min-", before Yuyuko smacks her hard on the head with the colossal piko-hammer and knocks her out with a triple bump on her head.

* * *

Yuyuko smiles as she kneels next to the chest, and says "finally, I get to open the treasure chest.", then slowly reaches for the key in order to turn it and claim its contents.

A blur on a thick rope swings from the right, and takes the chest away from Yuyuko, who pouts while looking to the left.

Agava now has the chest, and while holding it with her left hand, and holding on to the rope with her right, she spreads her legs up and shouts in celebration "ye-hea~! The treasure is mine, bitches! Ha, ha, ha!"

From inside the chest, the little girl growls and furiously shouts "dammit all to the ***** hell, and all you stupid **** idiots! Get me the ********* HELL out of here already!"

Agava stares at the treasure chest with surprise, laughs hard, then says "AWESOME! Just like Flandre when she gets pissed!"

Elly flies up to intercept Agava and take the chest while saying "ha! The chest is mine, sexy shadow!"

Agava doesn't notice Elly until it's too late, and accidentally smacks the left side of the chest right on the door guard's face.

The chest slowly slides off Elly's surprised and red face, then falls straight down to the ground.

Minamitsu gets up from the ground, and rubs her head while saying "boy, that was totally unexpected."

The chest falls right on top of her head, then bounces off, knocking the captain back down to the unforgiving ground.

Chiyuri sits on her knees, and when captain Murasa falls again to the ground, she points and mockingly says "ha-ha~! What a stupid captain you are! HAHAHA GUK!"

In the middle of her taunt, the treasure chest falls on its right side, right on top of Chiyuri's head, knocking her out with a pretty stupid look on her face, with her tongue sticking out and everything, then bounces off.

Kali floats above the ground, looking around suspiciously, then sniffs the air and says "I smell stupid sea-rats!"

The chest falls upside-down on her head, bounces and turns to the left and falls hard on the shadow a second time, then bounces again, spins rapidly, then strikes Kimi on the right temple, sending her flying through the air, then it bounces away with the poor little girl screaming from within.

Finally, the chest lands right in front of Yuyuko's knees again, then the ghostly princess squeals whimsically, and says "my, my, my, my, my! If this isn't destiny, I just don't know what is. Fu, fu, fu, never mind that now and let's already open this screaming chest."

She reaches for the key, turns it, then steam puffs form inside the chest, and a clanking noise signals the chest is open.

* * *

With a satisfied sigh and a smile on her face, Yuyuko pushes open the top of the chest, places her hands inside, then raises her hands above her head, and with a smile on her face, she exclaims "I got the treasure~ eh?"

Her victorious face turns to shock and confusion when, instead of some sort of treasure, like honey or gold, floating just above her raised hands, is a cute little girl.

She wears a cute red ribbon on her long blonde hair, a cute blue dress with an adorable little apron, a pair of cute little brown shoes, and wearing the most adorable pout on her face, which only gets cuter when you look at her scowling little blue eyes, and now Shanghai spins slowly and helplessly above Yuyuko's head.

Although she is finally free from the chest, she is now trapped in an invisible barrier that has her spinning very slowly.

Yuyuko's round white dots for eyes blink twice, and feeling more and more confused, Yuyuko asks "eh? Shanghai? You are the treasure?"

Shanghai can't take it anymore! Her face starts turning red as she remembers being inside that chest for who knows how long, being tossed, bumped, knocked out, thrown around, all while holding her need to pee, and now she's held against her will by some invisible barrier.

Her temper rises more and more, and Yuyuko realizes this will not end well, so as soon as Kali gets back up, she rushes to her, hands Shanghai over, then says "congratulations. You get the prize!", then runs away, leaving Kali to stare at the slowly spinning Shanghai.

The shadow girl asks "what am I supposed to do with this? Eat it?"

Something explodes inside Shanghai's head.

She wants to grab a sword and start chopping heads off; she wants to pee on the faces of all those present; she wants to shoot so much danmaku, she hopes she creates a massive crater because of it.

She takes a deep breath, holds it in, then all of a sudden, she breaks down and bawls "**MAAAMAAAAAAAAA~!**"

She rubs her teary eyes and kicks her feet while screaming out loud "**MAMA!** I want my **MAMAAA~! WAAAAAAAH~!**"

Kali panics, as she knows that when something this cute cries, usually the one nearest to the source becomes a mound of bloody organs, and that's when a light-blue and yellow blur flies near Kali and takes Shanghai away from her hands.

Kali blinks in order to properly analyze what just happened, and when she looks in front, there is a blond woman with short hair, wearing a red headband on her head, a white capelet over a light-blue dress, a white short-sleeved shirt under said dress, and wears a pink ribbon around her neck and around her waist like a belt, and comes accompanied by a little girl that looks exactly like Shanghai, save for her dark-red dress, and wears a tiny red flower on her hair, instead of a ribbon.

With tears in her eyes, Alice Margatroid and Hourai, the second small girl, hug the little crying Shanghai, while Alice cries and desperately exclaims "Shanghai, we've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been? Oh, you poor thing, what happened? Shh, shh, there, there, mama's here! It's ok, I'm here."

Hourai sniffles and sobs, then says "sis, we were so worried! Thank goodness you are safe!"

Shanghai buries her little face in Alice's chest, crying so much, she can barely speak at all, and simply hugs Alice tighter and sobs away.

Even with her voice cracking so much, Alice understands when Shanghai says "was just ...my own business ...stuffed in ...chest! ...Thrown around ...it hurt ...they threw me ...and bathroom! ...Mean ghost lady!"

Alice gently rubs the tiny girl's head and manages to calm her down enough to stop her from crying so much, then sets her sight straight at Kali, a hundred ominously-glaring dolls spring all around the puppeteer magician, then she asks "where is Yuyuko?"

Kali's face turns blue and starts to tremble so violently, that it takes amazing effort from her to just point behind Alice, where all the girls, Unzan, and the spirits know why, but Kyo too, all hurdle up in a shivering ball of fear.

Alice tosses a doll at Kali, the doll explodes violently the moment the shadow touches it, but Kali finds herself virtually unharmed.

Alice slowly turns around, her ominous face with glinting eyes turning toward her new target, and in a dark and ominous voice, she says "that's your reward for not hiding that ghost bitch from me."

From the shivering mass of girls, Lunasa shouts "Kali, you traitor!", and Kyo adds "why am I here? Let me go, dammit! I had nothing to do with this! LET ME GO!"

Kali looks on as Alice gathers energy around her, then winces when the puppeteer unleashes such a powerful and insane curtain of bullets, Subterranean Animism's Lunatic Mode becomes EASY Mode in comparison.

The girls, Unzan and Kyo all scream in agony as the bullets continue to shower on and on and on, and while Kali covers her eyes, Agava walks beside her and says "well, this was bound to happen. I mean, the moment this story turned to a treasure hunt, I knew it was just gonna end badly."

Kali sighs, relaxes, then smiles after she hears Yuyuko groan with pain, then says "well, that ghost princess was right. I did get the prize."

Agava give Kali a small white cup filled with sake, then asks "and what prize is that?"

Kali gulps down the warm sake, smile, looks at Agava, gets a quick refill, then says "I get to watch her burn in flames of pain, while I drink sake in peace."

Agava fills her own small cup, gulps it down, then sighs and says "yeah, I guess that's a good prize."

* * *

Three hours have passed, and Kali and Agava are both dead-drunk on the ground, sitting with their backs against each other, hiccupping and laughing at nothing.

Several feet in front of them is a massive pile of bloody meat in censoring squiggles, steaming with heat from Alice's raging bullets.

Kali manages to point a the meat mountain, then says "eye new iz! d... diz ich whas hahens wh-when ute igs chry!" (I knew it! This is what happens when cute things cry!)

The pile of meat starts to rumble, and with a thunderous roar, Kimi, who is in her dragon form, breaks free from the steaming mass with all the others, except Kyo, on her back.

Minamitsu, Unzan, Mystia and Rumia are the first to jump off Kimi's back, then Minamitsu groans and says "that really hurt, dammit."

Chiyuri, Lily and Tewi are next to jump off, then Tewi says "what the hell was her problem? We didn't stuff her girl in there. It was those flower idiots!"

Kurumi and Elly are next to jump off, then Kurumi walks to Tewi, pokes her chest, then says "can it, rabbit girl! We bought that thing off the ghost princess fair and square!"

Yuyuko and Lunasa are the last to jump off, then Kimi turns back to normal, rushes to Yuyuko, grabs her by the vest, pulls her closer, then shouts "you annoying ghost form hell, why did you do that?"

Yuyuko giggles, and pokes her closed fan on Kimi's nose, making the dragon let go, then whimsically says "but I didn't know what was inside. I just saw something flying around and stuffed it inside, that's all. Then I sold it to miss Yuka for 100 coins."

Chiyuri is just about ready to rush to Yuyuko and strangle the damned ghost princess, but when she turns to do so, she notices a large metallic dome where Chen's crater was, then raises her left eyebrow and asks "hey, what the heck is that?"

The dome starts opening up, and the voice of Ran can be heard very clearly as she says "opening hatch! Take aim! Ready? MoonStone Cannon... **FIRE**!"

A massive yellow beam flies from the ground and goes straight at the three flying ships, which are still covering the sun, and after doing a damage of one-hundred thousand to each, The Palanquin and Yuyuko's ship quickly go down, the Palanquin heading toward the valleys behind the Forest of Magic, and the ghostly ship heading straight at the Moriya shrine, which is under reconstruction at the moment.

From the dome, a loud smack echoes toward the girls' ears, then they hear Yuka saying "it's called Original Master Spark, you mutt!"

Ran can be heard replying "yeah, yeah, the important thing is that it worked, so give me Chen back!"

Minamitsu stares at her ship and shouts "WAAAH~! What the hell is the meaning of this?"

Yuyuko stares whimsically at her ship, then says "on my, this is going to take a while to fix."

Lunasa stares at Yuyuko, frowns, then says "sure! You expect that me and Youmu will fix the ship on our own, AGAIN!"

Yuyuko giggles, then says "well, you can't expect a princess to do the dirty work, right?"

Mystia points at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, then shouts "hey, why is her ship still airborne?"

Minamitsu looks up with a rage-filled face, then shouts "what the hell? That 'dingy' withstood a blast my precious Palanquin couldn't? HOW?"

Chiyuri pulls a wicked grin, then says "Captain's Stripes. Bought off some from that strange shop over the Bamboo Forest, and increased my ship's resistance. Oh, and always have a Complete Kit or two for quick repairs. Works wonders... '_captain_'"

Minamitsu's face is now red with rage when she realizes Chiyuri just out-captained her, then Unzan approaches the ship ghost and says "I told you we should have used them before we set out."

Minamitsu gulps to subdue her desire to shout back, then says "just shut up... I don't want to hear it!"

Meanwhile, over at the Hakurei Shrine, Reimu sits on the shrine's porch with a gloomy face, while form inside, Rika says "aww, come on, my lady, it's not that bad. At least we have enough food to last us the week."

Reimu doesn't reply, and simply mutters to herself "meat buns, dango, dumplings, rice, peaches... Those aren't donations, dammit."

* * *

At the garden of the Sun, Iku Nagae flies down toward the girls, excitedly calling "I got it back! Look, I got my fever back!"

She lands right between the girls, and ignores Mystia, who says "look, we have a lot of work to do now, so just hurry up."

Iku approaches Chiyuri, then says "now, have some FEVEEER!"

The oarfish twirls, stops, places her left hand on her waist, raises her right hand above her head in an angle, then points her finger up.

Over at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Remilia Scarlet, who only has a wrapped white towel to cover herself up, runs around the mansion's dark corridors with an annoyed and desperate look on her face.

Her short blue hair is all wet and frizzy, her wings are drenched, so she can't fly, and as she runs with tears under her expanded scowling white eyes while she screams "SAKUYAAAAA~!"

Behind her is a large water monster in the shape of a giant dog, and it playfully wags its tail as it chases after the terrorized vampire.

Remilia keeps running for dear life, holding on to her towel for the sake of her pride, and shouts "Sakuya, Jumy has gotten large! HEEEEELP~!"

Over at the Garden of the Sun, Iku has curled up into a ball and is scratching the ground with her left-hand fingernail while saying "*sniffle* still no fever."

Chiyuri wears an understanding smile as she rubs the oarfish's back, and says "it's alright, just let it all out."

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenario belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Kimi, Kali, Kyo, Ail and Agava (as well as those random spell cards) were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All other credits where they are due!

**WHAT WAS REALLY SAID BY LILY AND CHEN DURING THEIR DIALOGUE:**

1) 猫又 = nekomata

2) あなたはそのパイありがとう！これは美味しかったです！ = thank you so much for the pie! It was delicious!

3) ウーッ！私はパンツを食い込ませることを得た。 = ugh! I got a wedgie.

4) 私の5セント貸して下さい！ = Please lend me 5 cents!

JAN 3 2011

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**And so, another insanely random chapter finished. Lately, I've been having strange dreams... and I think it's good. They've been inspiring me a lot. Aside from that, I think I overdid it again with this chapter a bit. I LOVED doing this, but man, now I'm wondering how to top this. Still, the answer will come. Also, for those of you who know Japanese and happen to find mistakes with what I wrote there, know I DO NOT know Japanese, sadly, and used Google translate in order to make up that dialogue. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and would like you to know I might take even longer posting the next chapter, so pray to the spirits, or whatever you pray to, as long as it's from light and love, that I can post the next chapter sometime soon. Ah well, take care *smiles*.**


	4. Chapter 4

The Moriya Shrine, a lovely shrine on top of the Youkai Mountain, with a large lake with large sacred logs sticking out of the water to the far back-right of the shrine, its donation box at the end of a long concrete trail, which leads to the large gate at the exit, or entrance of the shrine, which is actually quite a long trek, and humans would find this walk rather annoying, with the youkai and all that, but anyway, back to the shrine.

Behind the donation box is the main shrine, where weird rituals take place... well, actually, they are holy stuff, but they are boring, and sometimes, the deities that live there make some weird dances while in there.

Now, to the left of that main shrine is the building with the sleeping rooms, the kitchen, the bathroom, the toilet room, the living room... in short, the living quarters.

Yes, the place is very nice, and is quite peaceful, **if** the buildings were there in the first place.

All the buildings I just mentioned are either on fire or leveled, thanks to the unnamed ghostly ship that fell right on top of the almost fully re-built shrine.

Why 'fully rebuilt'? Because before the ship fell on it, it had exploded for no apparent reason, and Reimu didn't care.

Budou has Merlin, Kali, Marisa, and even Ail, hanging upside down by their ankles with some rope from the branches of one of the few remaining standing trees.

Ail glares at his little bat-youkai daughter, and with an angry smile on his face, he asks "and why am I being punished when I didn't do anything wrong?"

Budou, with her beautiful long teal hair that rests on the large brown bat wings on her back, a large white bow with black borders on the left side of her head, her cute violet eyes without pupils, wearing a short-sleeved brown dress with a teal apron that rest on her skirt, which covers down to her calves, and pink socks with magical enhancements to allow her claws through without breaking, twirls on the tip of her right foot, stops and opens her large wings, winks at Ail, then says "mama's orders."

Ail sighs, palms his face, groans, then asks "all that introduction for that? Sweetie, why don't you just say it was Sanae's idea from the start?"

Budou flaps her wings twice, smiles, making sure her left tiny fang is seen under her top lip, then says "she said it would make you mad, and that she wants to see you like that."

Ail groans, looks at Marisa who is just dangling there, her hat even defies gravity by staying on her head, then says "she must be watching form somewhere, but where? I swear, when I get my hands on her, I'm gonna..."

From one of the remaining sacred logs on the now-messy and destroyed lake, Sanae uses a monocular to spy on Ail; her cheeks red, drool drips from her open smile, and steam comes out along with her hard breath, and after looking at his angry red face, and the terrorized and embarrassed faces of Marisa, Kali and Merlin, she smacks her lips and says "I love it when he talks dirty like that."

* * *

It's early morning, and at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's kitchen, one still-groggy Yumemi sits in front of the dinner table with two toast slices in the center on a napkin, a butter knife to the left of the bread, and a jar of honey to the right of all.

Her eyes are narrowly open, her captain's hat is slanted to the left, her striped shirt and pink jeans seem a little baggier than usual, and her hair, though combed and clean, still has a few wriggled strands springing off her head and toward the air.

She grabs the butter knife, sticks it in the honey jar, then the knife makes a clean clink upon reaching the bottom of the empty jar.

Yumemi blinks, breathes in, and in a groggy and unfriendly tone of voice, she says "Chiyuri... get down here."

In the fraction of a second, the captain-wannabe appears to Yumemi's left, saluting her mistress and asking "what is it, miss Yumemi?"

In a rather dangerous low tone of voice, Yumemi asks "why is the honey always gone?"

Chiyuri starts to sweat and tremble, slowly thinking her replying options.

In her mind, she sees three:

a) Because we ate it all and forgot to restock.

b) Lily White.

c) we were raided by the Palanquin crew.

She picks 'c', and with a smile on her face, she says "because those Palanquin bastards came and raided our stores."

**WRONG ANSWER!**

Annoyed, Yumemi grabs Chiyuri by her neck with her right hand, pulls the blonde closer to her face, and with blood-shot eyes glaring back at the frightened girl, Yumemi ominously says "so they raided our stores, you couldn't salvage even _one measly jar_, and you didn't even have the balls to buy more this morning..."

Chiyuri nervously whimpers and says "b-b-but the stores at the village aren't open yet!"

Ignoring her subordinate... who's supposed to be the ship's captain, Yumemi ominously says "eating plain toast makes my mornings very irritable. Do you like to see me irritated like this?"

Chiyuri rapidly shakes her head left and right repeatedly, then stops to look at Yumemi again, who continues "that is what I thought. Still, it's too late, the cat's out of the bag..."

Chen jumps straight out of a flour bag, coughing and growling angrily as she exits the kitchen, then Yumemi pusher herself closer and closer to Chiyuri, covering the cowering sailor's face with a dangerous shadow, and whispers "punishment."

Later, at the Human Village's market place, Chiyuri walks a little funny, with her legs slightly spread, as she goes around each shop asking for honey, and pulling on a small brown wheeled wagon that already has various jars of honey towering on it.

She comes across Kotohime, who is merely going to ignore the blonde girl, but when she notices the funny way Chiyuri is walking, she turns around and asks "hey, miss captain, what happened to you?"

Chiyuri turns around with tears dangling under her eyes, and a pained smile on her face, blushes, shivers, then says "I've been a bad girl.", then a little pink heart floats from her chest, and pops when it reaches the air above her head.

Kotohime's face turns pale at the sight, then gulps and says "I-I'm not man enough for this...", then continues on her way, ignoring a possible incident.

* * *

Over at the Palanquin, Nue leans on her backs against the rails over at the farthest edge of the ship's back deck, coincidentally called, the poop deck, smiling mischievously, while Kogasa kneels on the floor hugging her eggplant-colored umbrella with its long red tongue sticking out, blushing while looking at an open magazine in front of her.

Nue sighs with accomplishment, then says "and that's how humans mate. You know, it's not so bad once you gets used to it."

Blushing and trembling while still looking at the magazine, which is censored by these strange blurring translucent squares, Kogasa softly asks "s-so you've done it? You-you... really done this? With... a man?"

Nue flaps her right hand around while confidently saying "oh, yes, I've done it LOADS of times!"

A red UFO appears next to Nue, bearing a large blue zero on it, then flies away after the word "lying virgin" writes itself in shifting green and red letters just below it.

Neither Nue or Kogasa notice this.

Nue continues "but poor miss Hijiri, she hasn't had the chance of experiencing such bliss."

Nue pushes herself away from the rails, walks over to Kogasa, grabs her by her shoulders, pulls her up, and sounding dramatic, she says "that's why I'm showing you this! You, Kogasa Tatara! You are destined to save Hijiri from her frustration! Only YOU can please that monk of a woman until she screams to the skies with ecstasy!"

Kogasa looks at Nue with curiosity, blushes, looks to her left and then to her right with her eyes, then looks back at Nue and says "umm... but I'm a girl, and she's a girl. I can't."

Nue raises her left eyebrow and stares at Kogasa with great confusion, then releases the karakasa ghost, grabs the censored magazine in a flash, flips through its pages, then sighs and says "jeez, I gave you the wrong one, dammit.", then whispers "I was supposed to give her that other one with the two girls."

Nazrin spins in the air high above Nue, and when she's right about to fall on the nue youkai girl, she pulls a mallet five times her own size from under her skirt and uses the momentum of the spin, mixes it with all her might, then strikes the girl as hard as she can, shouting "MATHEMATICS ARE A PAIN~!"

Kogasa shrieks with surprise and takes a few steps away from Nue and Nazrin, then the mouse youkai uses the mallet's handle as a trampoline, and summersaults toward Kogasa, releasing that massive mallet, which remains on the ground just as it landed.

Nazrin wraps her left arm around Kogasa, and noticing the poor mostly-turquoise colored girl is nervous, Nazrin sighs and calmly says "look, forget whatever that pervert was just saying to you."

Kogasa miraculously recovers, and looks at Nazrin with a natural and adorable smile while loudly asking "forget what? What happened?"

Nazrin smiles, then pulls Kogasa along as she makes her way back to the deck, chuckling and saying "you're a good girl. Come, you earned a treat."

As they make their way to the front, Kogasa happily exclaims "I don't know what just happened, but I still love treats."

Nue lies on her stomach on the floor of the poop deck with the mallet lodged on her upper back, and her entire body trembles very violently as she uses her right hand to try and write the letters 'R' 'A' and 'T' with her own blood.

Before she is done, the new crewman... I mean, crewwoman, walks by with a wet mop and mops away Nue's hard work.

It's Suwako Moriya, the goddess from Moriya Shrine. She wears her hair in a ponytail tied by a wrapped red string, has her straw hat with eyes on her head, has green eyes herself, and wears a long-sleeved brown turtleneck shirt that covers her all the way down to her thighs, a pair of tight black shorts, long thigh high red and white striped socks, and black shoes.

The little goddess stares at the twitching Nue on the floor, sees mashed poop, her face turns green, she holds her mouth from puking, and after recovering, she says "ugh, I'm not cleaning that. It's disgusting."

* * *

Later that day, the three ships are airborne once again, and once again, are exchanging cannon fire and magic bullets, as well as some boys and tengu.

Ail comes flying fast and hard from the unnamed ghost ship and slams hard against the Palanquin's bow, doing absolutely no damage to the ship.

He slowly slides off like a bug on from a windshield, while from the ship's deck, Byakuren smiles and says "I'm sorry Ail, we reinforced the ship's body."

From somewhere inside the ship, Minamitsu's voice echoes as she says "ha-ha~! I had that Suspicious Keine add that feature just two minutes ago!"

Byakuren turns her attention away from the sliding boy and happily says "my, the marvels of magic and science. Ah, just like when youkai and humans come together."

Byakuren sighs while clapping her hands together over her chest, completely ignoring how Ail finally slides off completely and falls straight through the clouds, making a loud splashing noise once through the white fluffiness.

There is a moment of ceasefire, then Minamitsu on the Palanquin, Chiyuri on the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and Yuyuko on the ghostly ship, raise their hands, take a deep breath, are just about to shout their next orders, an annoying, screeching, loud and mostly, _annoying_ girl's voice shouts "so you thought you could take over the skies just like that! I'll SHOW you why vampires are the most fearsome creatures! The skies will now belong to ME!"

All three captains close their mouths, frown, rub their foreheads with their right hand, then groan and say at the same time "great, she ended up joining in."

Coming from the direction of the Misty Lake, sort of, is a large scarlet ark with a mansion on its deck, and no sails, but does have six black bat wings it uses to fly around the air on the bottom of the ship.

On the deck are Remilia Scarlet, to the left, Sakuya Izayoi, to the right, Meiling Hong, behind Meiling is Patchouli Knowledge, Behind Sakuya is Koakuma, and on top of the highest part of the mansion's roof, crossing her arms under her chest, and grinning widely enough to show off her left fang and whole set of teeth, is Flandre Scarlet.

Remilia wears a large scarlet captain's hat on her wavy light-blue hair, has red vampiric-eyes, large black bat wings on her back, wears a red bandana around her head, a large, long-sleeved black coat with silky red linings inside, a long-sleeved white shirt, a pair of black pants, and small brown boots with golden buckles.

Sakuya has her short silver hair free from any ornaments, save for the two green ribbons tying the braids to each side of her head, has blue eyes, wears an elegant, long-sleeved blue coat over a clean and elegant white, and somewhat transparent, sleeveless shirt, a matching long blue skirt, a pair of black slippers, and knives around her thighs, under her coat, under her long sleeves, even has a miniature knife under her left fang.

Meiling has her long scarlet hair tied to a ponytail with a black string, points her strong aquamarine eyes at Kimi on Yuyuko's ship, wears a black and white striped shirt with the sleeves torn off, a pair of tattered brown pants with the left leg missing a chunk, showing off that sexy left thigh of hers, and wears a pair of dirty brown slippers.

Patchouli wears a purple robe and cloak with its hood up, yet her unfriendly purple eyes can be seen clearly, as well as her long purple hair, which has been tied to one large braid, probably tied by something on the bottom, and wears her usual purple slippers.

Koakuma has her red hair lose, has a red bandanna around her forehead, has red eyes, large black bat wings on her back, and small black bat wings on her head, wears an unnecessarily sexy white shirt, torn to cover only her chest and leaving her sexy belly exposed, tight black shorts tattered at the bottom just above her knees, long tight, shiny thigh high boots, and has a golden earring on her left ear, slightly visible over her hair.

Flandre is a complete mess.

She wears her usual mop cap over her blonde hair and has her left side-pony tail as usual, has a black eye-patch over her right eye, leaving her left red vampiric-like eye exposed, and wears a long-sleeved pink shirt under her usual red vest, a long red skirt with a slit on the left side, wears long red and white striped thigh-high socks, a brown boot on the left foot, and a black slipper on her right foot.

Remilia now looks bored and slightly annoyed, and after trembling a bit, she calmly says "that was an unnecessarily long introduction."

Sakuya quietly and elegantly nods in assent.

* * *

After the unnecessarily long introduction, Remilia recovers her smug smile, raises her wings, points her right finger toward the front at the three ships, then loudly says "as I was saying, I'm taking you all down at ONCE! The skies will belong to ME, Captain Remilia Scarlet, the Scarlet Devil Pirate, Captain of the Scarlet Demon Ark!"

Sakuya smiles warmly, claps softly at her mistress, and softly says "well said, my lady."

There is a long, silent pause, there's no reply from either ship, so Remilia takes a deep breath, readying herself for another speech, then, from all three ships, the sound of EPIC LAUGHTER takes over the entire sky.

From The Palanquin and the ghostly ship, the scattered voices, mixed in with the laughter, make it impossible to discern what they are all saying, but from the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri speaks through her funnel microphone, and amidst deep breaths and laughter, she manages to say "Sca-Scarlet... HAHAHAHA Scarlet, PFFAHAHAHAHA, PIRATE? Wha-what the hell? HAHAHAHAHA! What the hell is that? A... a name? A title? HOW STUPID!"

From the background, Yumemi's voice can be heard chortling and adding "Scarlet Demon what?"

On the Ark's deck, Remilia's wings have lowered, her smug smile has turned to an adorable wriggled-lip pout, her eyes have turned to small white circles with dangling tears, and her cheeks have turned red with embarrassment.

Sakuya, on the other hand, looks quite happy and elated at her mistress' plight, with pink cheeks, a small smirk, and narrowly-opened glistening eyes.

Remilia turns her trembling head at Sakuya, and in a slightly cracking and squeaky voice, she asks "Sakuya, what happened?"

Sakuya takes two hard breaths from her mouth, and after recovering herself, and after a bit of blood starts running down her lip from her left nostril, she calmly says "they think the names you have chose are laughable, my lady."

Remilia's entire body twitches after hearing such news, then scowls, raises a spell card, then shouts "nobody makes fun of Remilia Scarlet, and lives! Divine Spear, Spear of the Gungnir!"

Right after the long scarlet spear materializes on her hand, replacing her spell card, all three ships in front of the ark stop laughing and rapidly aim their cannons toward the ark.

Confident, Remilia smiles and says "Scarlet crew, let them taste OUR cannons!"

Flandre giggles, Koakuma panics, Meiling remains in place, glaring back at Kimi over at the ghostly ship, then Sakuya smiles as she casually says "my lady, we don't have any cannons."

Panic takes Remilia, evident on her face, when both her eyes become two white dots once more, and in an agitated state, she shouts "WHAT? Sakuya, don't just say these things so calmly! And WHY DON'T WE HAVE ANY CANNONS?"

Sakuya giggles and replies "you didn't allow lady Patchouli the time to install them properly before plunging blindly into battle, my lady."

From behind them, Flandre giggles and loudly says "Remilia onee-chan, stuuuuupid!"

Right after Flandre's adorable statement, the cannons from the other three ships fire in unison, and accompanied by the girl's own magical bullets, the Scarlet Demon Ark explodes in a beautiful wave of massive explosions and pretty patterns.

The ark sinks almost instantly, taking all down with it, except Meiling, who stands completely unscathed on a single floating piece of red board from the ark's deck, glaring straight at Kimi on the ghostly ship.

Meiling suddenly lifts her right hand and points at Kimi, then retracts her arm back to her neck, lift her thumb, clenches her teeth, then makes a long chocking sound while crossing her thumb across her neck, then points at Kimi once more.

Kimi closes her right eye, her hi-tech eye-patch bleeps, then she waves at Meiling with a taunting smile.

Meiling turns around, tilts her head back, then dives after the sunken ark.

After all is said and done, over at the Palanquin, Minamitsu looks over the now empty spot in the sky, and asks "huh, that's odd. Since when do vampires roam around in broad daylight?"

From her right, Remilia happily answers "oh, these outfits were made by my personal ally, Rika Onkamikami. Keeps those harmful sun rays from killing me or my sister."

Minamitsu shrieks and shouts "waaah! When did you get here?"

From the helm, Flandre eagerly says "onee-chan, they have an pretty awesome RPG here!"

Remilia smiles and says "yay! Let's play!" Minamitsu shouts "hey, that's the auto-pilot! Can someone help me-?"

Minamitsu suddenly realizes the deck is deserted, save for herself and the two little vampires.

Annoyed, Minamitsu says "HEY! The captain is supposed to go down with his, um, HER ship!"

Remilia chuckles and replies "are you nuts? We're not doing down there until it's clean."

Flandre exclaims "ooh, I'm already fighting a big boss!"

Minamitsu raises her arms in a panic as she screams "WAIT, DON'T!"

* * *

Later that day, at the Palanquin's deck, while Suwako, Shou, Wriggle, Ichirin and Unzan chisel away to dislodge the ship's bow from the Youkai Mountain, Nue and Kogasa sit on the back end of the roof of the captain's quarters.

Minamitsu is repairing the destroyed auto-pilot console, watched by Byakuren, who sits on the front side of the roof of the captain's quarters with a cup of tea on her hands, and a warm, whimsical smile on her face.

Feeling slightly annoyed of being watched, Minamitsu says "stupid vampires. Made the auto-pilot go mad again... made us crash... now I'm being WATCHED... grumble, grumble."

Byakuren sighs and replies "oh, my. Mini-chan, why don't you come up here with me and have some honeyed tea?"

Minamitsu is sitting besides Byakuren the moment the magician says 'come up here', and is already awaiting her cup of tea with eager eyes.

Byakuren giggles and says "see? You're feeling better already."

Nue and Kogasa watch, and as they do, Nue whispers to the karakasa ghost "you see? Girls can be with girls too. Just look at those smiling faces."

Kogasa stares long and hard at Byakuren and Minamitsu, and what she sees is a beautiful scene of a mother-daughter moment.

Her eyes glisten, her face turns slightly pink, her umbrella's cheeks turn reddish, and after cupping her hands to her right, she smiles, sighs and says "aww, I wish mama Byakuren would treat me to some tea too, just like that."

Nue grits her teeth, sending bolts at Kogasa through her eyes, then raises her left fist, strikes the turquoise girl on the back of the head, then says "don't go soft on me, you stupid little brat! I'm trying to help you here, but if you..."

Nue suddenly stops, raises her hands with her fingers bent and her palms wide open, her teeth clenched, her mouth open, her eyes open wide, her pupils shrunk, her hair standing on its end, and her cheeks turning burning red.

Kogasa is rubbing her own head with both hands and is looking up at Nue with wide watery sad puppy eyes, and an adorable wriggled pout on her face.

Nue can hear her heart thump twice, gulps, shivers, then tries to speak "uh-I... er, I'm..."

The nue youkai tries hard to apologize, but she's paralyzed in place while staring down at Kogasa, who lets out a soft, quick sob, an adorable whimper, and a sniffle.

Again, Nue hears her heart thump, only this time it's three times, louder and harder than last time.

She reaches for the karakasa youkai with her left hand, there's a loud crack, Nue sucks her own lips, tears dangle from her eyes, then she flies straight up, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Nazrin takes Nue's spot as she looks up, shaking her left fist up in the air while swinging her tail around with her right hand, shouting "TOUCHING THE STOVE WHILE IT'S HOT WILL STING, BITCH!"

The mouse youkai sighs to calm herself down, releases her tail, then looks down at Kogasa with a sweet, friendly smile and says "there, there, you just want to go with lady Hijiri. Come on, I'll take you to her."

Kogasa's face changes completely when Nazrin offers her hand to help; now stars fill her two-colored eyes, a bright smile takes her face, and a shining light adorns her head like a crown.

This causes Nazrin to look away to hide her blushing cheeks, and scratching herself just under her bottom lip, she says "c-come on, already. Let's go."

* * *

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Tewi finishes mopping the deck with extra-slippery wax, and is patiently waiting for it to dry and unleash hell on her crewmates.

**SUDDENLY! **

Iku lands right in front of Tewi, messing a bit of the still wet wax, but before the youkai rabbit can complain, Iku excitedly says "I got it back! It's time to fever!"

Tewi raises her left eyebrow and asks "what? What are you talking about?"

Iku's answer is the tapping of her foot while Lyrica appears flying above the oarfish youkai's head, playing a disco track on a high-tech Kappa-brand black keyboard, then Iku suddenly twirls, stops, paces her left hand on her waist, raises her right hand while pointing at the sky, then...

At the Forest of Magic, Mokou of Fujiwara, an immortal girl with long light-violet hair adorned with a charmed red and white ribbon, has red eyes, who wears a light-brown long-sleeved shirt, dark-red overall pants with paper charms on them, and a pair of matching dark red shoes, lies on the ground with a terrified look on her face, her back slightly raised, using her left arm as a shield, and desperately pushing herself back against a tree with her feet.

She loudly shouts "dammit Reimu, what's the hell is wrong with you?"

In front of her, Reimu slams her donation box between herself and Mokou, has a raging red face, and is twice her normal size, her face turning redder as veins start pulsating all around her disfigured reddened forehead, eyes and cheeks, and now, two small horns start growing right out of her forehead.

In an echoing and loud tone of voice, she angrily says "you haven't donated even ONCE at my shrine, Mokou! Donate something now, and I might forgive you!"

Mokou is terrified; her face feels cold, her teeth are clenched tight, her lips seem frozen, so she can't close her mouth, and tears dangle under her eyes.

Desperate, Mokou honestly screams "BUT I DON'T **HAVE** ANY MONEY!"

Reimu smiles, a smile that would normally be so sweet and honest, now tarnished by the demonic look she has somehow adopted.

Mokou starts to tremble, she can't control herself enough to fly away, and now starts to whimper as the shadow of the demonic maiden slowly covers her up, taking away all hopes from the immortal.

Up on Chiyuri's ship, Tewi stares at Iku with disappointment and disgust, while the oarfish youkai covers her face in shame and says "why is this happening? I should have the fever back by now!"

Tewi picks her left nostril with her left pinky as she replies "whatever. Get the hell out of here already."

Behind the girls, over some great distance, Mokou's figure can be seen spinning in the air, heading straight to heaven with great force, while the poor immortal screams at the top of her lungs.

* * *

Later that day, over at the somehow-airborne and fully repaired Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia walks into the small mansion along Sakuya, and asks "so, are the cannons installed and ready?"

Sakuya bows, then says "yes, my lady. Lady Patchouli and miss Koakuma made sure they are all set and ready."

Inside the miniature mansion is a surprisingly large foyer with five large doors, each leading to many confusing corridors that link with each other all the time, however, following the straight corridors will lead to the following: the rooms, the kitchen and dining room, the brig, the bathrooms, and the lower parts of the ark, where the special engine is.

Remilia stops in the center of the foyer, then asks "hey Sakuya, where is Flandre? She's been too quiet."

Sakuya calmly replies "she's having an epic life-or-death battle against a fairy and a nekomata."

On top of the ark, a swirling storm roars with furious thunder, and lights up the somehow darkened skies with lightning, while a blond vampire, a blonde fairy, and a crazy cat girl bang swords away on the rooftop balcony of the small mansion, Lily with her immense buster sword, Chen with her evil saw sword, and Flandre with her fiery Lavatein, which is good for offense, but sucks for defense.

Back inside the mansion, Remilia stares at Sakuya and asks "Sakuya, whose side are you on?"

Sakuya calmly replies "it's alright my lady. The young mistress is having fun, so I see no harm in it."

Patchouli appears standing in front of Remilia, staring at the vampire with those unfriendly eyes, and when Remilia turns to look forward, her body stiffens, her wings spring up, and she jumps on Sakuya's welcoming and perverted arms after a yelp.

Sakuya doesn't seem to mind, as she seems to be in her own little world with a blissful smile on her face, and blood rushing down her nose.

Patchouli takes a deep breath, then says "Remi, we've been fired on. Shall we return fire?"

Though recovering her usual brave and demanding self, Remilia remains on Sakuya's arms as she points toward nowhere and commands "RETURN FIRE!"

Patchouli turns around, places a white glowing hand on her throat, then her voice echoes all over the ark as she says "return fire!"

Countless fairy maids appears out of nowhere and start taking a cannon each, and fire at will. Remilia jumps off Sakuya's arm, disappointing the maid, then casually asks "and who dares attack my marvelous vessel?"

Patchouli sinks her face into her book, then casually says "Reimu."

Remilia panics again, her wings stiffen up, then she asks "Patchy, are you suicidal! Cease fire before she attacks back!"

Patchouli smiles, then softly replies "that won't be a problem. Our bullets and cannonballs are heading straight at the ghost's ship. She'll think she's just caught in the crossfire."

Remilia stands in place, staring at Patchouli with those round white dots-for-eyes, then a golden washtub falls on her head, making a loud clang and disappearing through the floor, leaving Remilia to drop like a log on her face.

* * *

Meanwhile, over at the unnamed ghostly ship, while Youmu, Rumia, Mystia, Lunasa, Merlin and Kali scatter to take a cannon and return fire at the scarlet ark, Meiling flies over to the ship with a determined look on her face, then makes her way toward the ghostly shrine's replica.

Inside the shrine are Lunasa, Lyrica and Yuyuko, as well as the now-normal-looking Reimu, eating cakes and cookies while drinking tea, and totally ignore Meiling as she walks past them, smiles and waves a hand from outside as a greeting.

Meiling reaches the back of the ship, and stands right behind the shrine replica, where the wind blows on her hair, making her look badass, sexy and heroic as she glares toward the front, and looks even more sexy when her hair bushes against her bare left leg.

Several feet away, Kimi stands tall and grins back at Meiling as her special eye-patch bleeps rapidly.

Meiling narrows her left eye, points at Kimi, then says "you are going to pay dearly for that dishonorable attack."

Kimi's grin widens after she chuckles, then asks "oh, and how exactly am I going to pay for that, I wonder?"

Meiling bends her knees, raises her fists chest-high, surrounds herself with a rainbow aura, then says "you know darn well how. Now get ready!"

Kimi's grin has become almost vile, then she suddenly frowns and looks slightly up.

Curious, Meiling lowers her defenses and turns around to see Remilia, Youmu, Yuyuko, Reimu, the Prismriver sisters, and surprisingly enough, Koakuma, all sitting on beach chairs on the shrine's roof with drinks and snacks, as well as some music from the poltergeist sisters.

Annoyed, Meiling asks "m-my lady? What are you doing here?"

Kimi angrily adds "aren't you guys supposed to be blasting each other right now?"

Remilia smiles and waves at Meiling, then says "don't worry, it's all good. Your fight will provide us with much more entertainment than some silly old cannonballs."

Yuyuko giggles and says "oh, I agree. Please don't mind us. Miss Reimu was kind enough to set up a defensive barrier too."

Youmu sighs, then says "just go ahead ladies. Oh, and please, refrain from fighting too dirty."

Just then, Kimi grumbles "great, now we get to be watched, and get stupid rules..." as she crosses her arms over her chest.

Meiling shrugs as she turns her attention back to Kimi, recovers her fierce fighting face, raises her defenses, then shouts "alright, get ready!"

* * *

Kimi wastes no time with preparing herself, and furiously rushes toward Meiling with her right fist raised.

Meiling keeps her eyes on Kimi's, even though that left eye-patch kind of makes it hard to keep track of BOTH eyes, and when Kimi is in attack range, Meiling lifts her left leg to block Kimi's kick, causing a small shockwave because of the impact.

Kimi smiles, but her smile vanishes rapidly, after Meiling grabs Kimi's leg, pulls her close, then lunges a punch covered in a rainbow aura straight at the dragon youkai's chest.

Kimi blocks by crossing her arms in front of herself, but still takes some damage, so she manages to retreat to recover after getting pushed back.

Meiling keeps her stance as she hops left and right, lifts her left hand, then taunts Kimi into getting closer, at the same time as she makes a funny war cry.

Kimi clicks her tongue while shaking the burning sensation from her forearms, then smirks as she bends her knees and kneels down until both her hands are touching the floor beside her.

Meiling lets out a quick gasp as she opens her eyes wide, and before she can react, Kimi has sprung from the ground at an amazing speed, and has crashed head-first on Meiling's stomach, making the gate guard groan loud and cough hard as she flies a few feet back and crashes against the ghostly shrine walls, making a hole where her body remains lodged.

Meiling's vision becomes blurry as she tries to recover her breath, and although it seems she's about to recover, she starts to cough again, losing the strength needed to free herself.

Kimi chuckles as she cracks her neck back into place with her hands, then says "I have to say, you're a lot tougher than you look. I almost broke my neck there."

She walks over to Meiling, grabs the gate guard by her throat, pulls her free from the wall, then lifts her up, showing all how her limp body hangs in the air like an inanimate doll.

Remilia hisses and boos, then shouts "come on! Is that all you have, red-head?"

From Remilia's right, Flandre, Chen and Lily start cheering at the same time, but Flandre shouting "Meiling onee-chan, show her how we play over at home!"

The little vampire's words reach Meiling's ears, and she suddenly opens her eyes and swings her left leg as fast and hard as her body will allow, kicking Kimi at the back of the head so hard, the dragon girl roars with pain as she stumbles forward.

Meiling falls from Kimi's grasp and lands on her feet, grabs the dragon's light-orange hair, pulls her back, then kicks her butt upward with so much force, her right foot gets stuck between Kimi's steel butt-cheeks and ends up flying up along with her opponent, screaming "wait! Let go of my foot!"

Kimi is unable to shout back, as the pain she is currently feeling coursing all through her body has her paralyzed with a pretty silly look on her face; her eyes are open wide and almost about to pop from their sockets, her mouth stretched from one end to another, her teeth are clenched tight inside her mouth, and her entire body is tensed.

After rising over about fifty feet, the girls start to fall, Meiling trying with all her might to free her right foot from the awesome steel grasp of Kimi's butt, but to no avail, and both girls fall hard on the floor, breaking a hole on the floor of the ship.

* * *

On the shrine's roof, Sakuya, who has just joined the spectators, sighs while rubbing her forehead, then says "that girl. She's tarnishing the Scarlet Devil Mansion's name again."

Remilia smiles confidently, as though she was the one fighting, then says "you worry too much. This battle is far from over, Sakuya. Just give them a few seconds."

Behind them, Minamitsu, the red-haired fairy, and Shou, sit on matching lawn chairs, eating sweet potatoes they have on a large basket.

Youmu glares at them from their left, then says "I'm on to you! One wrong move and-"

Before she is done with her threat, Minamitsu tosses a sweet potato at the half ghost and says "relax, we're just here to watch the fight."

Youmu gasps happily as tears cling under her eyes, then excitedly says "f-for me? I... I don't know what to say!"

Shou smiles as she looks forward, then says "just chow down, take a seat, and cheer hard!"

Youmu is moved by how the enemy treats her like an equal, and with happy tears in her eyes, she sits on the roof beside them and starts nibbling on her sweep potato.

On the far right, Yuyuko and Reimu are having a bit of a wrestling match, with Yuyuko currently on top of the maiden as she exclaims "I thought you said the barrier was set!"

Reimu manages to roll over and knock Yuyuko, then pins her down by sitting on her and pushing down on the ghost's wrists with her own hands, and angrily says "the barrier IS set! It's just a little out of place! And since when do you worry about things other than food?"

Yuyuko struggles for a moment, then very suddenly, she and Reimu get into a small fight cloud that rapidly dissipates, and now Yuyuko is back on top of Reimu, pinning her down by her shoulders and locking her legs with the maiden's.

Wish a flushed face, Yuyuko smiles at Reimu and playfully says "I'm not really angry or worried. I just wanted to play with you a bit. Now give me a kiss."

Reimu starts to struggle hard but can't break free, then suddenly starts screaming and shouting "wait, wait! What is the meaning of this? Youmu! Anyone! HELP!"

Youmu is currently unavailable, being in a state of bliss, thanks to an act of kindness from the enemy, and a sweet potato.

Reimu is now screaming and struggling to keep Yuyuko's lips away from her own, moving her face just right and with perfect timing to avoid the ghostly princess, while everybody else keeps their eyes out in front.

* * *

From the hole left behind by Kimi and Meiling, two blurs zip up and down it, placing to its right, a square red carpet, a small square table, two chairs, a bookshelf full of books to the right, and a chimney to the back of the ship.

From the roof, the curious ghost princess forgets about Reimu and turns her full attention to the blurs while asking "what's going on?"

From behind Yuyuko, one enraged, fire-breathing Reimu holds gohei with both mighty hands, raises weapon to the skies, swings trusty weapon with full force, and soon, sparks, pain and darkness are the last thing the now unconscious-spinning-eyes Yuyuko sees before completely blacking out.

Back to the, err... battleground, Meiling and Kimi sit facing each other on the table, holding cards on their hands, shooting dirty glares at each other as they set pair of cards on a messy pile to their lefts.

Meiling's hand is still quite large, while Kimi lightens her load in such a manner that it seems she's even cheating... but she's not, so don't think there's gonna be a card-knifing here.

Kimi grins wide and says "pick, sweetheart."

Meiling raises a trembling left hand and picks the leftmost card on Kimi's hands.

Kimi remains staring back at Meiling as though there's not a single care in the world, other than kicking Meiling's ass over and over.

The gate guard take the card to her deck, and when she lays her eyes on it, her pupils go blank, the background behind Meiling starts changing colors, she starts to sweat, and now her mouth wriggles up.

It's the joker card.

Kimi grins widely, showing off her dragon fangs, then says "old maid, bitch!"

Meiling breathes heavily, she can't believe her bad luck, then very suddenly, her head suddenly tilts back hard, and blood spills all around the immediate area.

When Meiling recovers and pulls her head back in place, she has a large bruise under her nose and around her mouth, as well as blood spilling from both, as though she's just received a powerful strike.

Meiling growls softly, picks up her hand, shuffles the cards, then says "it's not over yet! Now it's your turn, hatchling!"

Kimi opens her eyes wide after that insult, but calms herself down with a low and long growl, then nods and reaches for Meiling's cards with confidence.

She picks the center card, smiles after Meiling groans softly, pulls the card and takes it to her deck, and there it is... the joker card.

Meiling smiles malevolently, then says "look who's the old maid now."

Kimi opens her eyes wide and gasps, then she suddenly starts convulsing, cuts start appearing around her arms, something impacts her chest, then she falls off her chair to the floor to the left, where she takes a breather and quickly recover.

She coughs out some blood, pushes herself back up with her hands, sits back on her chair, shuffles her cards, glares at Meiling, then says "the game's only just started!"

* * *

We fast forward through the game, card pairs are discarded, invisible beatings are served, Damien is pulled out of one of his sudden vortexes and used as a lifeline; gets beaten up hard for Meiling when she gets the old maid again; then is sent back into his world.

Finally, Kimi and Meiling are down to their last cards, both have cuts and bruises all over their faces, arms, chest, tattered and broken pieces of clothes, Meiling having a particularly large tear right over her chest, showing off quite a lot of skin and making Sakuya, Flandre, Marisa and Merlin drool at the sight.

Poor Marisa, though, starts patting her own chest and sighs, then looks at Reimu to her left and notices she's doing the very same.

The two friends look at each other, toss an arm over each others' necks, then start to bawl like little children.

Back with Meiling and Kimi, both girls also have bloody cuts and bruises on their arms, and Kimi has a particularly nasty gash above her left eyes, which is bleeding quite a lot, while Meiling has blood running down from her head, yet the wound cannot be seen.

The girls breath with great effort as they look at their cards.

Meiling has a four of spade and a five of hearts, while Kimi has a five of diamonds and a four of clovers, as well as the joker card, making her the old maid.

Kimi takes a deep breath, raises her cards, then tiredly says "y... your turn."

Meiling, feeling exhausted, reaches for a random card, pulls it to her deck, and gets the joker card, making her groan with frustration and exhaustion, then she's suddenly moving her head left and right, her cheeks puffing up as blood spills around after each strike, but she remains on her seat, hanging on by sheer will.

Without saying a word, Meiling recovers, raises her cards, then Kimi picks the farthest to the left.

Before she looks, she places all her cards face-down, takes many deep breaths, looks at Meiling, who now has her left eye almost closed up and seems to be having trouble focusing on her own cards, evident when she squints to take a better look, yet is unable to decipher her own hand.

There is no way Kimi can tell if she picked right or not, but stalling will do no good, so the steels herself, takes one last deep breath, lifts cards, then realizes she has the four of spade and of clovers in her hand.

She smiles, starts hyperventilating, then suddenly starts laughing softly, progressing to a maniacal cackle, pulls those two fours out of her hand, places them on the discard pile, then shouts "I WON! I freaking WON!"

Kimi tosses the five of diamonds at Meiling, who has no choice but to discard them, doing so with a shocked look on her terrified face.

When those two cards touch the discard pile, Meiling is suddenly struck under her chin so hard, she is lifted right out of her chair, and before she can even fall on the ground, she stops in mid-air and has her back bent as tough there was something trying to break her spine.

She seems to be forcefully pulled to her feet, punched on the abdomen, hit on the nose, then her left cheek, and finally, the gate guard has the back of her pants pulled up hard, making her groan momentarily, then is lifted by her pants and slammed hard to the ground on her back, making her open her mouth to spit out some more blood, then finally, she is allowed to rest.

All around the ghostly ship, the spectators start cheering, while other hiss and boo, including Chiyuri, Yumemi, Chen, Flandre, Shou, the little red-haired fairy, Nazrin, Kogasa, and surprisingly enough, even Byakuren is cheering on, shouting stuff like "rip her spine! RIP THE BITCH'S SPINE!"

This has Murasa and Ichirin frightened to death of Byakuren, who seems to be quite eager for another match, and from the looks of it, they, themselves, might be her targets.

Kimi approaches the fallen gate guard, stands to her left, then the spectators quiet down.

Cirno, Wriggle and Daiyousei are now hugging each other while trembling in unison, Rumia has stars on her eyes, Remilia seems to be enjoying the blue sky, paying no attention at the actual fight, and somewhere over the Palanquin, Suwako and Nue are drinking sake, while holding to each others' shoulders and singing off-key love songs.

Back at the ghostly ship, Kimi kneels down and picks Meiling up by the back of her neck, making her whimper as she pulls her up.

Sakuya stares down with contempt while Parsee stands to her left with an evil smile on her face, then Sakuya says "when I get home, I'm spanking that girl and locking her in my room.", then bites her left thumb.

Kimi pulls Meiling closer to her face, breathes right onto her opponent's own face, then says "you tried, whelp, but I'll always be one step ahead of you."

Kimi's uncovered right eye suddenly intensifies, she grits her teeth, pulls Meiling even closer, then gives the gate guard such an intense and passionate kiss, that even Reimu's face turns pale at the sight.

Meiling opens her eyes wide and tries to escape the locking of the lips, but she's too drained and exhausted to fight back, so she gives up, stops flailing her arms around, and simply accepts it.

On the roof, Sakuya is sharpening three long western swords with a large stone wheel that is somehow fully installed next to her, with a disturbing smile on her face, a massive red vein on her forehead, glowing green eyes, and Parsee, who is snickering to her left while waving her arms around the furiously jealous chief maid.

Instead of the metal on stone screeching sound expected from the wheel, the sound that comes is a repeated "paru-paru-paru-paru-paru"

* * *

Over at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Patchouli is in her smaller-by-comparison library, conducting a rather odd experiment with mint leaves, magical red-spotted mushrooms, sugar cubes, and H-manga from the outside world.

She already has a mint-green glowing vial of some odd substance ready, grabs it with a pair of special metal forceps, then pours it on the cover of a MariAli H-manga.

When the liquid touches the cover, it turns purple, then starts sizzling until it consumes itself, then evaporates into a small black cloud.

Patchouli slowly blinks twice after watching the effects of the experiment, then sighs and says "it's just too dirty, even if it is just H. How can the people outside read this garbage? There's not even a solid story. Koakuma!"

Two heavy thuds signal the presence of the little devil... wait, that doesn't make sense.

To Patchouli's right is not Koakuma, but Kyo, wearing Koakuma's clothes; a black suit dress with a white long-sleeved shirt underneath; a pair of cardboard black wings on his head and back, and his spiky hair has been dyed bright red.

His face says it all; he wants to murder someone right about now, but something prevents him from grabbing Patchouli by the neck and wringing it with all his might.

One disturbing note to take is that his bulk and toned body does no justice to the little devil's clothes.

He clears his throat and asks "yes, Patchouli-sa...", but then clears his throat again, and feeling almost sick enough to vomit, he tries to disguise his voice to sound more like a girl as he asks "yes, what is it, Patchouli-sama?"

Patchouli turn her eyes toward the towering, buff and manly figure of Kyo-kuma, then softly says "please bring me the black mushroom. I need it to test something out... and I told you exercising excessively would ruin your figure. You look like a disgusting gorilla."

A large vein pulsates on Kyo's forehead as his eyes hide under a murderous, ominous shadow, as he raises his hands to strangle Patchouli, but a woman's cough from a distance makes him stop and just sighs while looking up.

He takes flight, then there are whispers in the room after a bit; a girl, and Kyo's voices; then Patchouli raises her voice as she says "Koa, I'm waiting!"

The whispers stop, and after just five seconds, Kyo-kuma silently flies back and hands Patchouli the mushroom.

Patchouli looks curiously at the manly, hairy arms of Kyo, looks at him from head to toe, then says "that's it, no more hair tonic for you, miss! And do something about those muscles. Really, you don't look lady-like at all."

Kyo wants nothing more than to strike the witch hard, scream into her ears, force her to realize that HE is NOT Koakuma, but again, he just sighs, then flies away.

The whispers continue, Kyo saying "there, I did it! Can I go now?"

Koakuma's voice can be heard as she replies "fine, fine. We'll play another round of poker next week, right?"

There is a short pause, then Kyo whispers back "oh hell yeah. I'm making you pay for this!"

While they whisper, Patchouli grabs the completely black mushroom, squeezes it with her bare hands to extract a sickly brown liquid, then deposits it in a thin vial.

She places the thin vial over the large one with the mint-green substance and slowly and carefully turns it over, saying "careful Patchy, just one drop... aaaand..."

A single disgusting brown drop falls straight into the mint-green concoction, makes a loud plopping sound upon contact, then Chiyuri's ship blows up so violently, a miniature mushroom cloud forms up in the sky.

Maribel, Renko and Chiyuri spin like stars in the air as they fall to the ground, Chiyuri moaning and asking "what just happened?"

Back inside Patchouli's small study, the magician looks to the direction outside the ship with a most unfriendly look, then sighs and says "seriously, these fools have nothing better to do than blow stuff up after all."

* * *

That afternoon, over at the Palanquin, while Minamitsu, Ichirin, Kogasa and Shou celebrate the capturing of Chiyuri, Yumemi, and Ail, though it's actually unknown why he is there in the first place, Byakuren stands behind the cheering girls with a blissful, motherly smile on her face.

Nue sneaks behind Hijiri, then glares toward Kogasa and says "I have to corrupt that girl so I can have her molest Nazrin and Byakuren for my amusement... but every time I try, that damned rat appears out of nowhere and kicks my ass. Guh, what to do?"

Suwako suddenly peeks her head above Nue to Byakuren's right, then, with an evil smile on her face, she softly says "you'll have to take a more hands-on approach, or you'll end up dead again."

As if not even noticing the goddess above her, Nue continues staring at Kogasa and says "yes, that's a good idea. And if that rat comes by again, I can use the karakasa as a shield. It's perfect! But what should I do to her to really corrupt her?"

Both Nue and Suwako close their eyes and hum while thinking, then Byakuren suddenly perks up and says "why don't you tickler her ****, poke her ****, kiss her while **** her ****? That will corrupt ANY girl."

Nue and Suwako look up at Byakuren's saint-like motherly smile, then smile back as Nue says "I never thought of that! Thanks miss Hijiri!"

Suwako raises her left hand and flips her thumb up while saying "man, it's like you've done it before."

Byakuren retains her smile as she causally replies "oh, I've done that plenty of times."

Both Suwako and Nue look at Byakuren's casual and happy face, while their own stiffen up, their lips wriggle, and their eyes turn to small white dots.

Without saying another word, Suwako leaves the scene, while Nue shivers and slowly slithers behind Byakuren's back.

Moments later, at Nue's single-bedroom, Nue sits naked on her bed, covered up to her chest by her white sheets, covering her face with her hands while crying inconsolably.

Kogasa stands to the left of the bed with a casual face, placing her pirate belt back on, saying "aww, come on, don't cry. It was good, and you know it."

Nue sniffles, uncovers her face just slightly to look at Kogasa, then tries to speak "but-but, I thought you..."

Kogasa giggles, then quickly replies "miss Nazrin was so kind. She told me what you wanted from me, but I got scared, but she told me it was alright, and taught me a lot of things."

Nue's eyes suddenly intensify, fire roars all around the nue youkai, and with a loud roar, Nue shouts "NAZRIIIIIIIIN! That damned rat, of all people?"

Nazrin opens the door to the room with a smug smile on her face, then says "this girl is such a fast learner. But you see, Nue, you just had to tell her what you wanted in the first place, not go around telling her to do stuff to Hijiri."

Nue's eyes turn watery, her lips wriggle as she frowns and pouts adorably, then she whimpers "but... my first time..."

Kogasa stares at Nue for a moment, then asks "wait a minute, didn't you say you had done it loads of times?"

Nazrin opens her smug trap to add salt to the opened wound with a comment, but from outside, they can hear Sanae as she shouts "salty wenches took my Ail again! Spell Card, Miraculous Girlfriend Saves her Boyfriend with a BANG!"

Almost instantly, the entire ship is engulfed in a green orb of light, then all that remains of the Palanquin, are a few boards, and Nue's sheets, which somehow remain intact, covering Nue's naked body as she falls along her comrades and the ship's debris.

* * *

Over at the unnamed ghostly ship, Yuyuko is running around the deck, bouncing her breasts around while cheering and jumping and waving her hat in the air.

Youmu, though enjoying herself by watching Yuyuko bounce around, along with the rest of the crew, and yes, that includes Kimi and Kali, thinks that enough is enough, and walks over to her mistress and gets in her way, successfully bouncing her to a stop... I mean, putting a stop to her bouncing... I mean... yes, let's go with that.

After stopping the overexcited ghost princess, Youmu asks "Yuyu-sama, what has got you in such high spirits?"

Yuyuko giggles, points toward the front of the ship, then says "both the Palanquin and the S.S. In Your Face Murasa are GONE~! Now we only have to knock down that hideous ark, and the skies are OURS!"

Youmu looks to her left and sees the ark floating in the sky, then chuckles and says "yeah, I can see why you are so happy, Yuyuko-sama. That ark is so weak."

From the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia shouts "I heard that you little twerp!", but nobody seems to notice and totally ignore the vampire's remark.

Yuyuko nods to Youmu's remark, then giggles and says "this calls for a celebration. Let's watch some dirty DVDs!"

Kimi, Lunasa and Merlin cheer, while Youmu, Kali, Lyrica and a small sparrow that is perching on Lyrica's left shoulder, all look lost and unsure of what has just been said.

Yuyuko's smile turns motherly as she looks at Youmu, then giggles and says "come, I'll show you four what I'm talking about."

The girls and bird go into the Hakugyokurou replica's living room, and Kimi, Lunasa and Merlin already take a seat behind the small square table at the center of the room, while Lyrica, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, who perches on the poltergeist's shoulder, Kali, and Youmu stand right behind Yuyuko.

The ghost princess approaches the wall to the farthest right of the room, which is full of folding fans of many designs and colors, grabs the white fan with the TV symbol on its front, closes it, then pulls it backward, activating a mechanism that causes a rectangle on the wall flip, revealing a forty inch LED TV, a table with a silver box on top, and beside and underneath the box in separate shelves are small rectangular black boxes with pictures and letters on them.

Yuyuko picks one that has a picture of a young brunette girl with a flushed face, presents it to the confused girls, then says "this is a DVD box. Inside is a disk that contains a movie for us to watch on that machine over there.", and points at the silver box, which is actually a DVD player.

The girls and bird still seem confused, then Yuyuko says "oh, let's just watch it already. You'll understand when you see for yourselves."

Without even looking at what she's placing there, Yuyuko puts the disk on the tray that pops out of the DVD player, and all through the movie, all girls, save for Kimi and Yuyuko herself, have flushed faces, and Youmu and Lyrica even start to look away while shivering.

Finally, after the credits start rolling, Yuyuko looks refreshed as she stands up and asks "well, wasn't that a refreshing movie?"

Kimi quickly replies "oh, it was for me."

The other girls remain silent, their eyes glistening with the light form the sun, and when Youmu opens her mouth to express her opinion, Rinnosuke appears to her left with a shining smile on his face and with his left thumb up, saying "oh hell YES! I feel like a new man!"

He looks at Youmu with a frightening smile on his face, then asks "wouldn't you agree... Youmu-san?"

Youmu stares back at Rinnosuke, paying close attention to his yellow eyes behind his glasses, then her face start turning red, she starts to shiver more violently, then suddenly stands up, unsheathes her Roukanken, and shouts "NOOOOOOO! I'm not ready yet!"

From outside the shrine replica, the sound of metal cutting through skin echoes all over, then there is a loud thud, then Mystia flies to the roof of the shrine and sings "chin-chin, goooone with the wind. Chin-chin!"

Back inside the shrine, Youmu has cut a perfect slice of ham, and is currently serving it on a plate for Rinnosuke, who looks quite content at the generous portion of meat.

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia is walking around the mansion replica, completely lost in thought, ignoring the room to her left, where Sakuya has Meiling with her hands tied and bent over the maid's on lap, while the chief maid proceeds to spank the hell out of the crying gate guard.

Drool trails down the left corner of the maid's mouth as she smiles and blushes while applying more force to her strikes, while poor Meiling cries "it's been two hours already! Please, stop!"

Sakuya happily replies "nope! Bad girls need to be punished!"

Remilia continues on her way as though nothing was happening, and when she stops, she realizes she's in the ship's engine room.

There is a tall platform with railed stares leading down to the engines, that's where Remilia is standing right now, and in the center of the room is a massive dome-shaped engine with what looks like a large translucent square spinning crystal on the very center of a round machine.

To the left and right of the dome-like engine there are six large black tubes, three on each side, which are actually the ark's wings.

The crystal in the machine spins around backward and clockwise, and whenever it glows brightly, the ark gently rises up, using the wings to balance itself out.

When Remilia looks around, she realizes there is a girl with blue hair tied with red bobbles into twintails, wearing a green cap on her head, a long-sleeved light-blue shirt, a long light-blue skirt full of pockets, a pair of light-blue boots, a large green backpack with a golden key tied by the black straps in front, and Remilia swears she can see a dark-blue swimsuit underneath all that clothing.

Nitori Kawashiro, the kappa girl, turns around after sensing Remilia's presence, and with a friendly smile, she waves at the vampire and says "ah, miss Remilia, just the girl I needed to see."

Curious, Remilia flies down toward Nitori, asking "the kappa... What are you doing here?"

Nitori waits for Remilia to land to her right, then pulls a large wrench form her left pocket, points at the engine with it, then says "just like with your sister's UFO thingy, this engine keeps getting some bolts lose, and I still don't understand why..."

The kappa turns around and starts tightening bolts around as though its mere child's play, and as she does, she says "I wanted to ask you if you could contact miss Rika for me. Last time she worked on your sister's UFO, those bolts and components never worked better."

Remilia raises her left eyebrow, places her hands on her waist, then says "hey, I paid you a substantial amount of cucumbers and honey for this! It better not fall apart like that honey cereal maker."

Nitori returns to Remilia's side, sweating and chuckling nervously, while saying "p-please don't remind me of that fiasco. Those poor fairies..."

Nitori shakes her head, then says "but anyway, that is why I came. I have to make sure you get what you paid for, and that is why I'm asking you to get Rika for me."

Remilia rubs her chin for a moment, pondering while humming, then suddenly snaps her fingers, smiles, then says "simple. We'll just have a sudden explosion, the scene will change, and Rika and you can have the engine fixed!"

Before Nitori can reply, Remilia summons a small red fire spear and tosses it at the engine, making the entire ark explode violently.

The scene changes, and Remilia is crying beside Sakuya and Flandre, while Nitori is repairing the engine by herself, and all the girls have their clothes burned and torn.

Nitori stops working for a moment, looks at Remilia, then says "I was trying to warn you... miss Rika is on random break today."

Remilia wails loudly, then shouts "just fix it alreadyyyyy! Waahh!"

* * *

That afternoon, Yuyuko wakes up from her nap and promptly heads outside the shrine, ready to give the order to attack the Scarlet Demon Ark.

She takes a deep breath to fully wake up, and after she is sure she is ready, she shouts "all hands on deck! All hands scurry! I want movement, NOW!"

The sound of scattering from all over the ship makes Yuyuko smile, knowing her loyal crew is always ready for her, and quickly, Youmu, and the rest of the ghostly crew is standing in front of Yuyuko and awaiting orders.

Yuyuko places her hands on her waist while looking with a strict, yet somehow whimsical look on her face, then says "alright, take portside cannons and BLAST that red eyesore of an ark right out of the sky!"

The girls salute Yuyuko and scatter to the right, so Yuyuko angrily shouts "hey, wait, wait, wait! Where are you going? I said portside!"

The girls all stop, then Youmu and Lunasa look curiously at each other, then both shrug while looking at Yuyuko and say "no subtitles."

Kimi takes a step forward, then says "really, this pirate language is confusing, and without those subtitles, I can't tell left from back right now..."

Yuyuko stares curiously at the girls, then suddenly claps her hands in the air and says "ah, of course, I forgot.", then pulls a black remote control from her right pocket.

She aims to her front-left, presses a button, then the words "portside = left, ladies" appear in white, just below the scene.

The girls read the subtitles, look at Yuyuko, smile, but remain standing.

Yuyuko angrily taps her left foot on the floor of the ship, then asks "now what? What's the matter?"

Still smiling, Merlin says "princess, there is no need. We are the only ship remaining! The sky is ours!"

Yuyuko looks around the ship, and realizes the girls are right, there is absolutely no other flying ship in sight.

After thinking to herself for about a minute, Yuyuko hums, then says "I don't buy it. Youmu, fire the homing cannon."

Youmu gasps, her face turns blue, and she starts trembling violently as she asks "th-the-the homing? Homing cannon? Yu-Yuyuko-sama, r-remember what the rabbit girl said!"

Yuyuko rubs her own chin while she ponder, then asks herself "hmm, I wonder who that purple-haired rabbit really is?"

Kali smirks mischievously as she places her hand on Youmu's right shoulder and says "you either shoot it now, or it's going to happen later anyway."

Youmu sighs in defeat, then says "fine.", then shouts "prepare the homing cannon! Remember to get your safety helmets, get some water bottles, fill the backpacks with spare food and honey, and PRAY!"

After the girls scatter around the ship aimlessly, a laughably small silver cannon magically appears on the ship's bow, just under the starboard (right) side rails.

Yuyuko gets closer to look at the tiny cannon, giggles, then says "my, all that fuss over this tiny thing."

Youmu stands to Yuyuko's right, wearing a bright yellow safety helmet, then hands Yuyuko the safety helmet on her hands and says "don't let the size fool you."

Yuyuko tosses away the helmet, boldly places her left foot on the rails, points forward, then shouts "FIRE THE HOMING CANNON!"

Seconds before the cannon fires, Youmu appears inside a small white bubble at the top-left corner of the scene, and looking tired, depressed and a bit annoyed, she says "the Homing Cannon. It will detect any ship in the sky without fail, even if it's cloaked, but if there is only one ship airborne, say our own ghostly ship, it will turn around and... yeah, shit's about to get real... again."

The bubble with Youmu in it disappears, and the tiny silver cannon fires, causing the entire ship to get pushed back with the recoil and causing all the girls on the ship, as well as the furniture inside the shrine replica, to roll around the ship's floors.

After the ship settles, inside the shrine, the furniture returns to its original place, including the hanged ornaments, while the girls on the deck moan and groan as they slowly get up on their feet.

Youmu looks at Lyrica and asks "are you alright?"

Lyrica shakes her head, removes her safety helmet, then replies "yeah. Thank goodness for safety helmets."

Kali jumps from underneath the floor with her helmet on hand, and with a smile on her face, she says "provides +89 defense, and protects against 1-Hit-KOs."

Yuyuko's head rolls on the floor and stops between the three girls, and after a very long and scary moan, Yuyuko cries "Y-Youmuuuu... My head hurts."

Youmu shouts back "I told you to wear the helmet!"

* * *

Over the sky, the dark oval bullet flies around the ghostly ship, searching or any possible targets that may be hidden either by magic, behind a cloud, or playing tennis over there.

It doesn't matter, because this bullet will search for, and find any ship in the sky.

After a few minutes of searching, an exclamation mark appears above the bullet, then it stops, turns around, then heads straight back to the ghostly ship.

From the poop deck, Lunasa shouts "shit, it's coming back!"

Youmu has just placed Yuyuko's head back on her body when she replies "I knew it! Shit DID get real! What do we do now, Yuyuko-sama?"

Yuyuko shakes her head, pats her neck to make sure it's secure, then opens her mouth, and the bullet lands two feet in front of her.

Yuyuko chuckles, then smiles as she says "never mind. It's already here."

Youmu and Merlin hide behind Yuyuko, with pale faces and trembling bodies, waiting for the smoke to clear, and obviously, for their inevitable dooms.

The smoke clears, and in place of what they thought was a bullet, is the tiny, yet incredibly dangerous Rabid Karate Night Sparrow.

The tiny bird's eyes glint, then raises his left wing, but does nothing, and for several seconds, everyone remains silent, that is, until Kimi, who is taking some sun rays on the shrine roof, wearing a blood-red string bikini, angrily says "would you just do it already? This stalling is pointless!"

The little sparrow glares at the sun-bathing dragon youkai, but knows she is right, so he raises his wing... and a giant scarlet fire spear twice the size of the ghostly ship slices right through the middle of the ship, and explodes exceedingly violently, sending ghosts, sexy dragons, shadows, poltergeists, one nekomata, a bird, and debris flying all over the sky in several directions.

From the left, Iku flies by in a hurry and with a terrified look on her face, she shouts "I swear, I thought those were fake!"

Remilia flies behind her with a furious look on her face, shouting "of COURSE they are fake! I'm a little GIRL! Now come back here and let me return the favor, oarfish!"

Iku hurries away from Remilia, crying "but these are MY peach buns! Get your own!"

Remilia furiously shouts back "THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING!"

From behind Remilia, Sakuya gives chase, holding several knives between her fingers on both hands, and with glowing red eyes and a serious tone of voice, she says "my lady, pay UP! You failed the bet!"

Remilia shouts back "hey, I'm your MISTRESS!"

Sakuya shouts back "that's why you should pay up! And I want ALL your training bras, not just the old ones!"

Remilia summons a scarlet flame spear on each hand, then shouts "that's it, I'm getting a butler!", then tosses one spear at Iku, and another at Sakuya, who drops her guard to let her eyes drain away all her sudden tears.

* * *

Later that evening, at The Myouren Temple, all the sunken crewwomen and their captains, as well as the little Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, are all enjoying a feast of meats, vegetable, sweets, fruits, and more importantly, sake.

Cirno, Lily and Daiyousei have only had a few small sips of the stuff, and already are pulling off their clothes, swinging them above their heads, and singing and dancing in their underwear, while the little red haired fairy records them with a camcorder, smiling, blushing and drooling while doing so.

Reimu and Marisa are sitting on the roof of the main temple, having a quiet time while drinking their sake and looking at the stars, then Byakuren and Yuyuko join them, bringing a bottle full of warmed sake each.

Marisa and Reimu, of course, accept their company after seeing their payment method.

Koakuma, Patchouli, Sakuya, Youmu, and Flandre, all cheer on, while Meiling and Kimi are having a friendly sparing match.

Though it's friendly, it seems someone forgot to tell Kimi about it, because she's using all sorts of dirty and illegal attacks, forcing Meiling to attack more fiercely, without getting dirty, or cheating.

Oh yes, the party is raging on with laughter, sake, fights, sake, peace, and sake, and all the girls share the beautiful starry spring night... all but two stubborn girls; a sea ghost, and a captain-wannabe.

Minamitsu and Chiyuri bicker away outside the temple's outer walls, away from the party, Chiyuri saying "I don't care how many years you've been at sea, I am a better captain than you'll EVER be!"

Minamitsu pushes her face closer to Chiyuri's, and through gritted teeth, she says "you're just a whiny sailor who isn't even fit to scrub the captain's quarters!"

Chiyuri replies through bare teeth "who'd want to scrub that flat ass of yours!"

The girls start growling while pushing their faces against each other, then Iku lands on their heads, knocking them out and exclaiming "I got it back! I really, truly got it back this time!"

Because her face is buried on the ground, Minamitsu's voice sounds muffled as she asks "what did you get back?"

Iku chuckles and replies "the fever!"

Even though she's facing down with her face inside the ground, Chiyuri somehow manages to raise her hands and clap while saying "good for you."

Iku jumps off the girls, pulls them out of the ground, makes sure they are looking over at her, then taps her left foot twice, spins, stops with her left hand on her waist, her right hand pointing diagonally upward, then shouts "FEVEEEEEEEER!"

For at least ten seconds, nothing at all happens, and both Chiyuri and Minamitsu are preparing themselves to comfort the oarfish youkai, but that's when an insane storm of lightning comes crashing down hard on the entire temple and its surroundings, striking absolutely all the girls both inside and outside the temple.

Poor Shou was even taking a bath in the temple's own artificial hot springs when she got struck.

It's a good thing she's a youkai.

Back outside the temple, Iku cheers and laughs for herself upon her amazing accomplishment, and after a third round of epic laughter, she shouts "I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!"

She raises both hands to chest height, opens her hands wide, looks up to the sky while laughing maniacally, then a golden washtub slams down hard on her face, making a disturbingly loud clanging sound upon impact, and knocking Iku down along with all the girls at the temple.

Over at Ail's house in the Forest of Magic, Sanae sits on the bamboo couch with blue cushions, with Budou sleeping on her lap, while Ail stands beside a cushioned seat in front of the couch with one of his own sukimas opened straight in front of the now-knocked out Iku.

After he closes it up, Sanae asks "so you manipulated her energy to cause a catastrophe? That's pretty evil of you, Ail-kun."

Ail turns a slightly evil smiling face at Sanae, then casually says "and with that, I feel those **damned bitches** and I are even for all the **shit** they put me through!"

Sanae is now standing right in front of Ail, leaving Budou to sleep on the couch, and with a flushed face, and breathing quite heavily, she says "you are so mine, dirty man!"

Without much of a choice, Sanae drags Ail by the collar of his shirt back to his room, and although being forced to a possible rape, Ail does not seem bothered by that fact at all, smiling, though nervously, as Sanae drags him to his own room.

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kali, Kimi, Kyo, Budou and the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow (RKNS) were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

Reimu the Oni Miko is a creation of Visionnerz

FEB 03 2011

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**And finally, chapter 4 is posted. Sadly, I don't think I was able to top chapter 3 (that one was so freaking epic), but I dunno, all my inspiration just took a damned dive and won't come back. Well, whatever, I just hope you have enjoyed this chapter, and do know that it's possible I'll take a while before posting anything again. Anyway, take care.**

**One more thing... Old Maid is serious business.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**

**I am not responsible for any brain damage reading this chapter might cause. Please read responsibly, and use discretion!

* * *

**It's a beautiful and bright morning in the skies of Gensokyo, and in a particularly red ark, a particularly lying little vampire tells of a tale that never really was, to her somewhat perverted maid.

Inside the ark, Remilia stands in front of Sakuya, bearing a proud and boastful smile.

Sakuya stands next to a cannon, and listens intently at her pirate mistress.

Remilia raises her right hand as she boastfully says "and that's when I entered the library and found that cute and sexy little red-haired demon, cowering in a corner after sighting my glorious figure and powerful presence! Truly, she was a pitiful sight."

Sakuya eagerly asks "and what did you do to her?"

Remilia smiles, takes a deep breath through her nose, then says "well, she was an intruder, so I was going to kill her, of course."

Remilia gestures her hands as though strangling the air as she says "so I grabbed her neck and started to SQUEEZE the life out of here, but something happened to me. I actually liked the feel of her skin."

Remilia stops her hand gestures to shrug, and continue "then she made this adorable whimper, then started moaning... and then..."

Remilia places both hands on her tomato-red cheeks while flapping her wings, yelps, gasps, then says "oh, we got so dirty that day! We messed the carpet, then the desks, then I played with her on the top shelf, and ahhn..."

Remilia flaps her wings so rapidly, she hovers just above the floor, turns her hands into fists besides her cheeks, shakes her smiling, blushing face around, then exclaims "oh, just thinking about it makes me tingle! Sakuya, hold me!"

That's when Remilia notices Sakuya stands in full attention, unmoving and emotionless, staring at the wall above her mistress' head as though gazing into the void.

Remilia's face immediately turns to confused concern, so she lets herself drop on the ground, gets closer to Sakuya, then looks into her maid's eyes and asks "hey, Sakuya, are you even listening to me?"

Closer inspection of Sakuya's blank stare reveals the pirate chief maid is overworking her brain with many images, so Remilia grins mischievously, traces her finger up and down Sakuya's belly, and in a mischievous tone of voice, she asks "does Sakuya wish to recreated the scene with me?"

Sakuya twitches, her body stiffens, her eyes intensify, and her nose starts spilling blood at an alarming rate, propelling the maid backward.

Sakuya shouts "NO REGRETS!", then her head strikes hard against the cannon, the cannon fires a single bullet, and that single bullets flies through the bow of the unnamed ghostly ship, then the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and then The Palanquin, sending them all crashing down the unforgiving ground below.

Remilia stares at this turn of events with surprise, then Patchouli, who mysteriously stands behind her with a very unfriendly scowl, asks "so you told her that fib just to blast the other ships out of the sky?"

With an eager and surprised tone, Remilia truthfully says "no, no, I was just messing with her head. I wasn't expecting this at all!"

With that same unfriendly look on her face, Patchouli looks down to the ground and asks "and aren't you going to save her? She's a human, and losing that much blood will kill her."

Remilia smiles confidently as she turns to Patchouli and says "don't worry, this is a gag story. She'll be fine on the next scene."

Noticing Patchouli is still not convinced, Remilia starts tracing her finger around Patchouli's belly and asks "so you wanna' yuri-yuri with me?"

Patchouli's response is a book to the head that sends Remilia flying right out of the ark, and straight toward the cave leading to the underground world, where the vampire explode so exaggeratedly exaggerated, the explosion creates a giant mushroom in the sky.

On the next scene, Sakuya is completely healed, Patchouli is still annoyed, and Remilia moans in pain as she lies on her bed, while the chief maid wraps her left foot in bandages, covering the vampire completely, from head, to wings, to toes.

* * *

Moments later, on the somehow already airborne Palanquin, Minamitsu looks disgusted and annoyed, behind her, Byakuren looks thrilled, besides her, Nazrin looks indifferent, behind her, Kogasa looks frightened, and besides her, Shou and her little red-haired fairy look cautious, but friendly toward the ship's deck.

In front of them are Satori Komeiji, who looks as serious as ever, Koishi Komeiji, who looks as playful as ever, Utsuho Reiuji (Okuu), who looks as clueless as ever, and Rin Kaenbyou (Orin), who looks as deceivingly friendly as ever.

Satori has short purple hair with a black headband and a yellow heart connected to a yellow string, has purple eyes, and wears a light-blue long-sleeve shirt with yellow heart buttons, a pink collar, a pink skirt with faint flowery patterns, long white socks, and comfy-looking pink slippers.

She also has a red third eye on her chest with strings running around her, even working as a belt around her waist.

Koishi has short gray-greenish hair, dark-green eyes, wears a black hat with a yellow ribbon wrapped around it, an orange long-sleeved shirt with a dark-green collar, a dark-green skirt with faint flower designs, and black socks and shoes.

She, like her sister, has a third eye on her chest, though hers is blue and it's closed, and the strings only go around her waist and connect to the blue hearts on her ankles.

Okuu wears her long raven-black hair in a ponytail tied by a green ribbon, has red eyes, a red pirate bandana with a white skull motif on her head, a white shirt with the left sleeve ripped off and a hole around her breasts so that the red silted eye on her chest doesn't get covered, thus successfully showing off her awesome cleavage, her regular green skirt, which has been cut in the middle, a pair of white shorts underneath that skirt, on her left leg, her congealed concrete-like foot, and on her right leg she wears a calf-high cross laced brown boot, which is being orbited by large atoms.

She has also removed her awesome universe-view cape, so her wings are now bare.

Orin has her red hair tied to long braids to the sides, tied with black ribbons on the lower tip and on the top of the braid, next to her large black cat-ears, has human ears as well, red eyes, wears a blue neckerchief around her neck, a black and green striped long-sleeved shirt that shows off her good figure, brown shorts that cover down to her knees, and a pair of short brown boots with golden buckles.

Satori stares at her pets and asks "girls, why are you wearing that?"

Orin looks back at Satori with that friendly smile of hers and says "because, this is a pirate story. We're just looking the part."

Satori rubs her forehead as she says "I... I see. And where is Petal?"

A young girl with long raven black hair, red eyes, wearing a plaid blue bandana over her head, a sleeveless white shirt, a glowing green stone on her chest under said shirt, a pair of blue shorts, and a pair of white socks without shoes, jumps out of Satori's shirt and exclaims "Shatori-shama love! Petal is HERE~!"

Okuu wraps her right arm around the little girl's neck and rubs her hair, saying "that's a good girl! Here, have a cookie!", then tosses a small square cookie into Petal's wide-open mouth.

Satori points at her pets with a shocked expression, but before she can say anything, Koishi giggles and exclaims "oh, miss Rika is here!", then waves toward Chiyuri's ship and shouts "hi Rikaaaa!"

From the other ship, Rika shouts back "miss Koishi, miss Satori, miss Okuu, miss Orin, miss Petal, how are you?"

Orin smiles peacefully at Rika a she says "wow, that's a lot of misses."

Satori suddenly exclaims "oh no... RIKA!"

Minamitsu is raising her arms in the air while stomping hard on the floor with her left foot while shouting "what the hell was this scene for in the first place?"

* * *

Over at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri blows on a bubble pipe while standing heroically on the very edge of the ship's deck.

She looks on to the horizon, then says to herself "and now that I've killed some time by doing this, I can return to blasting Minamitsu's ship off the sky."

She turns around, hides the kiddy-pipe, then looks to the left, where she spots Mima with a peaceful smile on her face while resting her chin on the back of her hand while resting her elbow on the starboard (right) rails.

Chiyuri approaches the spirit and asks "say, what got you in such a peaceful mood?"

Mima sighs, and with that peaceful smile on her face, she continues looking away as she says "oh, I just find this so amusing. Right now, you and me are right here, while people are reading about us doing things that are just impossible to do in real life."

Chiyuri panics, evident in her face as she exclaims "whoa, whoa! What the hell are you saying there? What do you mean that people are reading about us?"

Mima continues to look away as she says "it's just like I said. Right now, all this stuff has been digitally written, and it's being digitally read through some web site. Ah, but it doesn't affect me at all, you know."

Chiyuri is hugging herself, as though trying to cover herself up, even though she's wearing her clothes, then nervously asks "ho-ho-how can you be so c-c-c-calm about that? what if someone rewrites this and takes our clothes off? Mima, that's not something to be calm about!"

Mima lifts her head, still smiling peacefully at the would-be captain, takes off her hat, her shirt, her underwear, but nobody can see anything, because it is not described by the author.

Chiyuri stares at Mima, screams with fright, then exclaims "**what the hell?** What the hell is this? You just took your clothes off, but I can't see anything! What's going on?"

Mima continues to smile peacefully as she replies "calm down. The author is a pervert, yes, but he keeps it to himself. He won't describe our bodies to the readers..."

Chiyuri starts to whimper as she asks "bu-bu-but... what about our personal lives? Do they know about those?"

Mima smiles brightly, then replies "our original creator is so vague with our personal detail, all of these authors, artists and fans have no clue of our personal lives."

Chiyuri suddenly takes her pants and underwear off, but unlike Mima, after she takes off her underwear, everybody can see the shape of her underwear in the missing chunk of her lower body where her unmentionables should be.

When Chiyuri notices this, she screams out loud, then exclaims "**MY WOMANHOOD!**"

Mima's peaceful face slowly turns normal, and as she starts to grin, she says "well, it seems the writer has it out for you. Heheh...", then her face starts turning twisted as she tries holding in her desire to laugh, but as the author, I decided that she can't hold it in, and thus, she's now laughing hard at Chiyuri's current predicament.

Chiyuri pulls out a laser gun from her unseen groin, aims it at Mima, shoots at her unseen bare butt, and after Mima screams and flies away, Chiyuri looks to the sky, flips her middle finger, then shouts "I'm going to kill you, Willie G.R.!"

From the ship's poop deck, Reimu chuckles while looking at Chiyuri, then says "heh, Mima really laid it on thick."

Rika, who stands to Reimu's left, giggles and says "she's still right, my lady. We'll need to be very careful."

Reimu suddenly chokes on her sudden teacup and exclaims "the village is on fire! Damn this author and his stupid incidents!"

Rika watches as her mistress flies away toward the horizon, then looks toward nowhere, smiles, then shrugs.

* * *

Back at the Palanquin, Satori approaches Minamitsu, pokes her on the chest, and says "and it is because of your little pirates game that we ended up homeless..."

Koishi jumps in the air and excitedly says "at least until repairs are done!"

Satori looks back toward her sister, turns around to Minamitsu once more, then finds Byakuren instead, who says "my, miss Satori, you've been standing there all day, I was starting to worry. Come on, lunch is already served!"

Satori's face fills with panic, then she rapidly looks behind herself and notices her pets and her sister are gone, then looks up at the sky and realizes it's midday, and even worse, when she looks at her arms, she notices she has a bit of a tan.

Satori shrieks, looks at Byakuren, then agitatedly says "DON'T... move!", then reads the magician's mind only to be disappointed.

Not only was Byakuren all the way behind Shou when whatever happened to Satori happened, she went off with Shou and the red-haired fairy to meet with Daiyousei and Cirno at Chiyuri's ship to play a well known Funtendo multiplayer fighting game.

Satori starts to breath rapidly through her mouth, then agitatedly asks "what the hell? What in hell's blazes happened to me? Why am I tanned? GAH! Is Rika here?"

After she blinks, she's back in front if Minamitsu, with her pets and her sister behind her, but still maintaining her tan, then Minamitsu shrugs and says "I dunno what happened to you, and honestly I don't care. The tan looks good, though."

Satori looks at her surroundings again, this time with a shocked face, and when she turns to look at Minamitsu, she turns to stone when she see's Rika waving at her from the captain's left.

Petal flies on the stoned Satori's shoulder and cries "kyah! Shatori-shama hard cold stone!", then focuses a white orb on her right hand, slaps it on Satori's forehead, then has white tulips magically grow on there.

She jumps off Satori, nods after looking at her work, then turns around to look at Minamitsu and asks "m-miss captain, c-can I say something?"

Minamitsu's eyes intensify, she twitches, her breath becomes labored, but she manages to relax herself, then nods, and with a cracking voice she says "GO-go ahead..."

Petal twists her torso to the left, holds both hands clasped together and set by her waist to the right, tilts her head downward while looking up at Minamitsu with her glassy, glistening eyes, then says "I-I'm hungry, and my house asploded. Can I shtay here with Momku, aunty Orin and Shatori and Koishi-shama love?"

Minamitsu's intense eyes glow, her face turns red, her nose spills out blood like a fire hose, then she falls face-fist on the ground.

Petal starts to sob, afraid of the captain's reaction, but Nazrin takes the lead, grabs the little crow, hugs her tightly, and while rubbing the little girl's head, she says "Master, lets accommodate our guests."

Shou salutes Nazrin and says "RIGHT", then Byakuren chuckles and gestures her hand to welcome the subterranean guests to the inside of the ship, then they all leave the stoned satori youkai and the dead captain in order to have breakfast.

Satori suddenly breaks free from her stoning, knocking off Petal's white tulips form her forehead, takes many heavy and deep breaths, and when she realizes Minamitsu is lying down in front of her slippered feet, on a pool of blood from the captain's own nose, Satori holds her head while shouting "what the hell is this now?"

Satori bends down for a closer look and whispers "hey... captain, are you alright?"

Satori's face turns pink, her lips wriggle, she holds the side of her head, then flies off she ship, crying "waaaaaa! What kind of a pervert is this?"

On the floor, Minamitsu smiles and giggles, with pink cheeks and a wide smile, probably dreaming something pretty sick, considering Satori's reaction.

* * *

A tall woman with blond hair tied up by four ribbons at four ends, and two more ribbons at the sideburns, golden eyes, wearing a pink mop cap with a thin black ribbon around it, a long-sleeved violet coat, a pair of tight black pants, and brown calf-high boots, stands on the deck of the unnamed ghostly ship, holding one giggling Budou on her arms, and having Petal standing to her right.

Budou giggles contently and wraps her arms around Yukari Yakumo's neck, then says "lady gramma is fun!"

Yukari giggles along with Budou and says "yes, yes, I know. And please call me Yukari."

From the right, Petal says "Yukari-shama-love made doggie!", then raises her hands toward the border youkai to show her the little dog-Ail.

His floppy dog ears, his large, uncaring and calm eyes, his bushy brown tail, and now is the size of a large Chihuahua.

He looks up at Yukari, blows some air through his nose, then Yukari smiles at him and says "now, now, don't be mad. Once the girls had their fill of you, I'll turn you back."

Little dog-Ail continues staring at Yukari, and in a somewhat annoyed and tired tone of voice, he says "bow-wow-wow-wow. Grrrrr!"

Yukari chuckles, places Budou on the ground to her left, leans over to dog Ail, but before she speaks, from behind Petal, a girl says "he says _'it's alright, as long as the girls are happy, but don't forget to turn me back'_, and I do agree. It's not nice to be forced to be in that state."

Yukari smiles at Satori and says "oh, well hello there, leader of the underground. Come to take your cute little pet back home?"

Satori looks around Yukari, then asks "so... is Rika here?"

Yukari looks confused at Satori, but before she answers, Satori says "_'no, she's playing with the stomach butterflies in the well'_. I see. Well at least- ...what the HELL are you thinking there?"

Yukari giggles, then says "my, I was just thinking she's with Reimu. Are you sure you're Satori?"

The satori youkai looks around in confusion, starts to sweat, then says "no. I mean, yes! Yes, I am Satori. I-I'm just a little flustered, that's all!"

Satori blinks, then finds herself sitting in a small row boat in the middle of a storm of green clouds, and with an ocean above her head.

Thunder and lightning make her yelp in surprise, then the rain starts rising from the clouds and going up to the water above.

Satori screams loud and bloodily, then curls up into a ball and whimpers a prayer.

She feels a hand push hard on her left shoulder and screams as though she's being skewered by a rusty pike, then Yukari asks "hey girl, what is wrong with you?"

Petal concernedly cries "Shatori-shama love shcared is shaking!"

Budou exclaims "that poor girl! Lady gramma, do something!"

Yukari replies "please call me Yukari!", and Ail says "Rwaf! Bow-wow-wrof!"

Satori slowly opens her right eye, realizes she's back at the ghostly ship, then exclaims "wh-what the hell! I was just in an upside-down storm!"

Yukari, the girls and the dog all stare at Satori with confusion, then Satori notices Rika is standing behind them, smiling while waving at her.

Satori blinks, grabs hold of her head, and now she's in the Palanquin's kitchen, being held by Orin, while Koishi asks "so, why can't I share a room with onee-chan?"

Byakuren, who sits next to a large square table, smiles as she addresses Koishi, replying "because the poor girl seems to be under a lot of stress, so we're giving her some space."

Satori looks around the kitchen, looks back at Orin, then starts crying while waving her arms and legs around in a tantrum.

Orin starts panting and bleeding through her nose, refusing to let go of Satori, then asks "c-can we keep her like this a little longer?"

* * *

Later that day, in the inner chambers of the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia, who is completely healed, and Patchouli, walk over to the engine room, but during their walk there, they've been awkwardly silent.

Patchouli sighs angrily, then says "enough with this silence! Remi, could you please say something already!"

Remilia stops walking, looks at Patchouli, then says "something."

Patchouli face palms hard and groans, then opens her left eye and asks "alright, can you at least tell me why you are dragging me all the way to the engine room? I don't know how to fix that thing, you know!"

Remilia stares at Patchouli, sighs, then says "there's an intruder I want you to get rid of."

They resume walking toward the engine room, and sounding a little more relieved, Patchouli says "well, you could have asked Meiling. You know that's her specialty."

Remilia shakes her head, then says "she already tried, but got smacked instead."

Patchouli groans inward, and they reach to door to the engine room, which Remilia opens immediately.

Inside there are various creatures, animated skeletons, humanoid bulls with giant axes, fairy maids with shields, lances and spears, floating doll heads that shoot glowing balls from their mouths, slimy green plants that spit fire, a floating cherry cake, Rumia and Meiling sprawled on the floor with their eyes spinning and a goofy smile on Meiling's face, Flandre at the end of the room with an eager and happy smile on her face, throwing small fireballs in front of herself, and jumping around an excessively overdeveloped platform-filled setting, with meticulously positioned floating platforms, ground-spikes, and well-positioned monsters and fairies, is the intruder, Reimu Hakurei.

She wears her shrine maiden outfit, with her red ribbon on her black hair, wearing her detached sleeves and the red vest, but instead of white, the sleeves and undershirt are black, as well as her skirt, and also wears a pair of knee-high black boots.

She jumps around the platforms and the prepared 'stage', and wields her gohei just like a whip she uses to smack anyone or anything that gets in her way.

Reimu notices the small fireballs flying her way, ducks under one, jumps over the second, then bats the third one back at Flandre and shouts "HEY! This isn't that plumber's game! Stick to the script!"

From the other end of the 'stage', Flandre eagerly replies "okaaayyyy!", then Reimu continues her little adventure, mimicking that well known vampire-whipping game.

Patchouli stares daggers at Remilia, lifts her hood, then angrily says "I'm returning to the library. Enjoy your little games with- KYAAH!"

Remilia grabs Patchouli by her waist, lifts her above her own head with ease, tosses her straight at Reimu, then shouts "THAT'S THE NEXT BOSS BEFORE FLAAAN!"

From inside, Reimu shouts "hey, thanks! You're right, this IS fun!"

From inside the room, Patchouli screams, then shouts "no, NO! That doesn't go in there! Wait, NOT THAT! AUGH~!"

Reimu shouts "hold still while I work my magic!"

Patchouli moans, groans and squeals while Remilia squints and squirms, matching Patchouli's uncomfortable protests, then bites on her nails, sweats nervously, and says "wow, I never thought she'd use her gohei like that.", then blushes and continues "uuu~, I'll try that later with Sakuya."

* * *

Over at the Human village, Kotohime sighs and rubs her head as she walks home, holding on to a basket filled with vegetables.

She looks to the sky, and frowns and growls at the sight of the four ships circling each other up there, then says "man, what am I supposed to do? I mean... I'm supposed to be the cop around here, but those girls... I need backup!"

She looks toward the center of the village, stares toward that direction, ignoring the teen-aged vigilante stomping on a masked man and taking away an oddly-modern purse from his hands, then she snaps her fingers and shouts "I GOT IT!"

Moments later, Kotohime breaks through the front door of Keine's school and shouts "nobody move! Suspicious Keine you're under arr~..."

Upon taking a closer look, Kotohime realizes Keine, as well as the many young human students of varying ages are staring at her in awkward silence and surprised faces.

Kotohime chuckles nervously, smiles sheepishly, then waves her hand in the air and says "hi~! Um, I think I came by at a wrong time, so..."

Chuckling nervously, Kotohime backs away to the guest's corridor, closes the classroom door, walks out the building, closes the door, walks away from the school and stops, then rubs her head while thinking hard and saying to herself "man, that was embarrassing. But I was sure that suspicious shop was right here."

Just as she finishes her sentence, there is a loud explosion, a disturbingly loud crack, and a cannonball flies to Kotohime's left, missing her arm by a cat's hair, then Kotohime turns around and sees a perfectly round hole on the school's wall.

From inside the school, Keine, I mean, the suspicious Keine shouts "second volley! GO!"

Kotohime screams when there are various detonations, followed by a lot of cannonballs that fly her way, so she takes flight and says "uuu! I'm gonna get them all and make them serve time for this!"

She skillfully dodges the cannonballs by moving up and left in succession, then starts shooting a pair of magical spikes toward the school, shouting "in the name of the law, you are under arrest for aiding those pirate-wanabes!"

From inside the school the suspicious Keine shouts "you'll have to get to us first, coper!"

Kotohime grins after that remark, charges up magic, then fires a small, but powerful magical bar that reaches the school walls and cracks a large chunk of it.

The princess, collector and self-proclaimed police officer cheers victoriously, but doesn't notice the suspicious Keine is on the roof of the building with a large black cannon to her left, and the wind blowing epically on her hair and dress, making her look more kickass than she should.

Kotohime happily exclaims "ha-HA~! Get ready to get arrested!", but her confident face suddenly becomes frightful when she looks up to the roof.

Keine lifts her hand, shouts "FIRE!" then smacks the back of her black cannon, sending a massive black blob at Kotohime that spread out mid-way and becomes a wall.

The poor police princes can only look on with a horrorstruck face and whimper "dammit", then gets struck by the black, causing a chain reaction the constricts the wall into a ball, then this ball bounces on the ground, flies off to the air, and after reaching a high enough point, it explodes with a massive display for fireworks that are so colorful and vibrant, they can be seen even in broad daylight, causing the rest of the villagers to get distracted by the colorful flames to not notice Kotohime falling to the ground as a pile of burnt garbage.

From the school, the suspicious Keine now wears a long white bandana around her head as she clenches her fist to the right of her face and says "well done my students. You have all moved on to the next level!"

The suspicious Keine flies back down to the school while her students cheer for themselves, and when she's back inside, she loudly says "now, for our next lesson, let's study the volatility of a danmaku-filled cannonball."

The students suddenly whine and complain, but quietly resume their lessons in their suddenly-fully-repaired school.

* * *

On the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, a fight of epic proportions has broken out between Chiyuri's crew and Minamitsu's crew.

Mima clashes her sword against Shou's, Lily clashes spoons against Ichirin, Yumemi is exchanging notes on magical spells with Byakuren, Tewi is having a staring contest against Nue, Reimu and Rika are having tea with Unzan and Kogasa, Maribel and Renko are doing a makeover to Nazrin, and Marisa is flying around while avoiding the weak, but continuous magic bullets from the red-haired fairy.

Meanwhile, Minamitsu holds on to her broken ladle while she searches the top of the ship for Chiyuri, yet fails to find her and exclaims "where the hell is that blonde captain-wanabe! I want to kick her ass!"

The ghost captain quickly head down to the ship's lower rooms to search for Chiyuri, and it doesn't take her that long to find said blonde with twin-tails sitting in the farthest corner of the ship's bowels, hugging her knees and curling herself up into a ball while looking around as though in a state of paranoia.

Minamitsu gets closer to Chiyuri and can see the tired and crazed look in her eyes, then exclaims "WHOA! Girl, what happened to you?"

Minamitsu covers her mouth with both hands as she gasps, then exclaims "by the gods, someone violated you!"

Chiyuri's eyes almost immediately return to normal so that she can scowl at Minamitsu, then angrily says "you pervert! Nobody did that to me! I'm just not moving from this spot! I'm NOT some entertainment created to amuse readers with nonsensical bull-crap that spews out of this damned author's mind!"

Minamitsu jumps back and screams as though seeing a horrible diarrhea monster, then nervously says "hey, that's very dangerous! Don't go saying things like that! You don't know who could be watching!"

Chiyuri simply glares at Minamitsu, but decides she's not doing anything else, other than to curl up into a ball and not move, but as a writer, I cannot allow that to happen.

Now Chiyuri is standing up with a very happy smile on her face, wearing a fruit hat, a yellow and orange top that covers her breasts and has puffy yellow sleeves and white frills on the borders, a long red, green and orange skirt, red high-heels, and holds a pair of maracas on her hands.

She starts shaking her hips around with such mastery, poor Minamitsu is now freaked out by the whole scene, and wants nothing more than to run away, but it's too late.

Crying and still shaking her hips, Chiyuri jumps on Minamitsu, grabs on to her neck, and shouts "please save me!"

Chiyuri's ship explodes, sending all the girls flying through the air with torn and burnt clothes.

On the Palanquin's deck, Suwako hands a very large and shiny green stone to Okuu, who eagerly accepts, then says "what a good girl you are, Utsuho."

Okuu happily rubs her cheek on the shiny stone and says "thank you so much!", then looks at Suwako with confusion and asks "but are you sure it's ok? This is such a great gift, just blowing ships up seems to be..."

Suwako pats Okuu on the back, smiles, then says "oh no, you've done more than enough. Thank you."

Okuu nods after Suwako's reply, then walks away with a happy smile and rubbing her cheek on her new shiny stone, and once she's away, Suwako takes the left eye of her hat off, then speaks to it, saying "the feathers have been plucked. Commencing operation."

From inside the eye, a familiar voice says "roger that, Froggy. Good luck with the mission."

Suwako looks suspiciously around herself before saying "over and out.", then places the eye back in its place.

* * *

At the unnamed ghost ship, after Kimi is done mopping the floor, she uses her special eye-patch to locate Kali and resume her joy of torturing the poor shadow, then leaves the area with a vile smirk on her face.

A few moments after Kimi is gone, a swirling purple cloud materializes just above Kimi's clean floor, then Damien jumps from inside the cloudy portal, lands on the wet floor, raises his hands victoriously, then shouts "HA-HA~! Finally, I successfully infiltrated Gensokyo! Time to find Ail!"

The barking of a tiny dog catches Damien's attention, and when he looks down to his left, he spots dog-Ail sitting on the floor while silently staring back at him.

Damien stares at dog-Ail in surprise, blinks twice, bends down, then picks the dog with one hand.

Dangling dog-Ail in the air by pinching the skin of his back, Damien points at the small dog-like creature, laughs, then says "Ail? This is Ail! I can't believe it! Killing you is going to be so easy!"

A woman behind Damien clears her throat, Damien turns around to bravely shoo off this woman, then stiffens up, hops back, his lips wriggle, and his legs turn to stone at the sight.

Yukari stares at him with those golden eyes of hers, leaning slightly to get a better look at the black-haired, red-eyed boy, then smiles and says "so you are Damien. I'm sorry, but I can't let you kill that cute little doggie you hold there, so be a dear and hand him over."

Damien starts to sweat; not only there's a woman so close to him that she can almost kiss him if she wanted to, this youkai woman has so much power, even when she's so relaxed, Damien can feel the sheer power oozing from her skin.

Trembling, Damien reaches behind himself, pulls dog-Ail from his butt, ripping a chunk off his pants in the process, hands him over to Yukari, then gulps and prays in his mind "to whomever it is that I'm praying to... SAVE ME!"

Yukari smiles a deceivingly endearing smile after accepting dog-Ail, and after squeezing him between her breasts, she opens a gap to her right, pulls out her pink parasol with the sharp end, then slams it hard on the palm of her left hand, which causes the small gap to vanish again.

Damien cracks a nervous smile for a second, then Yukari, now emanating an ominous aura around herself, stares straight into Damien's eyes and says "now, young man, not only did you break through Gensokyo's barrier, you threatened to kill one of my most favorite pets. I'm afraid I'm going to have to punish you."

Damien is already preparing another portal back home, when Yukari suddenly says "oops" and slips on the wet floor, holds her parasol like a golf club, slides close to him, strikes him upward as hard as she can, sends him flying up in the air, Damien gets struck on the head with a stone washtub, and as he falls back down unconscious, Yukari opens a gap for him that sends him straight back home.

Yukari opens her parasol just as the rubble from the stone washtub rains down on her and dog-Ail, turns her head slightly down to somewhat address the little dog between her breasts, then smiles as she happily asks "my, so many happy coincidences at once, don't you think?"

Ail howls as his response, Yukari chuckles, then says "yes, I believe you're right. That parasol between the legs must have hurt. Still, would you believe me if I told you that washtub was a coincidence?"

* * *

Over at the Palanquin's sleeping quarters, Suwako sneaks around Ichirin's room, and finally, after crawling from under the messy bed, she finds a door.

She sits next to the door, like a frog on a lily pad, pushes two fingers on the left temple of her head, then closes her eyes.

She can now see herself on a green screen that has some numbers on the top, and to the right of her screen is another empty green screen.

After waiting for a second, Suwako says "Snake, are you there? I found the door to the engine room!"

The right screen is suddenly filled by the silhouette of a short-haired human male, that with a raspy voice, asks "and who the hell are you? How did you reach this frequency? And how is it that you know my name?"

Suwako chuckles nervously, then says "whoops, wrong frequency. Oh, you have someone behind you."

The man replies "uh... thanks. Gotta go now.", then Suwako starts to somehow change the frequency until the gets the numbers 34.34, then says "Snake, are you there? Can you hear me?"

The other screen now has a woman with bushy hair who's wearing rope around her head as an adornment, and a holy mirror on her ample chest; she looks green in there.

Kanako looks annoyed at the numbers above herself and Suwako, then says "hrm, I don't like that frequency you picked, Froggy."

Suwako waves her hand under her own nose as she smiles mischievously and says "oi, oi, now's not the time.", then gets serious and says "I located the door to the engine room. I'm infiltrating now."

Kanako gets serious as well, then says "good. Froggy, be mindful of the force. There's a big disturbance right now-"

A vein pops on Suwako's forehead as she angrily says "wrong. Wrong setting, you old hag."

Kanako looks down, and the sound of pages flipping follow Suwako's low grumbling.

Kanako puts on some glasses, smiles, then says "oh, here it is. Right, umm... once you're inside, you might come across the security device. Froggy, you will need to destroy it before taking the pictures."

Suwako nods and says "alright. Just think, Snake. Once we get these pictures, we can build our OWN flying ship."

Kanako quickly replies "then we'll have all the faith we'll ever need! I'm such a genius."

Suwako growls and says "right, whatever. I'm going in."

Before Kanako can say her blessings, Suwako pulls her fingers away from her temple to cut off the communication, then grumbles "it was my idea anyway."

* * *

Suwako opens the door to the engine room just slightly, then slithers inside like a snake and closes the door behind her without the use of her hands or feet.

Not really sure how she did that.

Once inside, the little ancient goddess can't help but express her awe at the sight.

A large glowing light-yellow orb hovers just above a silver pedestal that has a chrome plate on top with runes carved on the borders, all in the very center of a very ample room.

Suwako stares awestruck for a moment, shakes her shock, the rummages under her hat, possibly looking for the camera.

She suddenly stops everything, frowns, then jumps to her left and rolls away, avoiding a small yellow laser beam.

The goddess expect something large and fierce as the security system, but is shocked and surprised at the sight.

It's a holographic image of a very young Byakuren Hijiri, wearing her usual white dress with black cross-laced coat and knee-high black boots, but her skirt looks like the end of a bell, and doesn't settle down, making little Byakuren look like a cute little black and white bell with gradient light-brown and purple hair, and cute little light-brown eyes.

Suwako blushes and giggles stupidly while staring at the cute little girl hologram being projected by a magical beam that comes from various corners on the walls.

Little Byakuren smiles at Suwako, and with a deceivingly innocent voice, the little girl giggles and says "you're not supposed to be here, you naughty girl you. Please leave now, or I'll have to kick you out by force."

As though in a blissful trance, Suwako smiles and drools while she blushes and nods, then suddenly recovers her natural face, shakes her head, then says "hey, wait a minute! How did I ever fall for that?", then says to herself "gotta get rid of this thing so I can take the pictures I need."

The hologram grins mischievously, then it says "don't say I didn't warn you."

The little girl lifts her arms and stands on the tip of her feet, causing Suwako to bleed through her nose after her eyes intensify, then little Byakuren starts twirling around like a ballerina while getting closer to the entranced Suwako.

The second she's close enough, little Byakuren uses the full momentum of her spin, along with her unnatural strength, and kicks Suwako on her right ankle so hard, the sound of the impact echoes outside the room.

Suwako is now jumping on one leg while screaming out profanities that get turned into solid yellow words little Byakuren grabs and uses as blunt weapons to strike Suwako on the head repeatedly.

Still holding her foot and being struck repeatedly by her own dirty words, Suwako tries to move toward the door while saying "ouch! Wait, stop that, you little twerp! Ugh, that hurt! No, get away!"

Little Byakuren suddenly gasps and stops her attacks, looks up at Suwako with red cheeks and glassy eyes, then sobs as she says "you *sob* called *sob* me *sob* a *sob* ...TWERRRP~!"

The little hologram rubs her teary eyes with her tiny hands while crying loudly, making Suwako panic with concern, lean closer, and nervously say "no, no, no, I'm sorry! Please don't cry little girl!"

The moment Suwako touches little Byakuren's shoulders, the little girl strops crying, grins mischievously at Suwako, then says "got 'cha."

Suwako screams as her body gets electrocuted by the hologram's ten thousand bolt contact defense, and all while little Byakuren giggles as happily as a child who's playing with her new toy.

Suddenly, Suwako is sent flying straight out the room through the door, lands face-down in front of the door to Ichirin's room, then chuckles and whispers to herself "painful... adorable... dea-th"

Inside her head, Kanako shouts "Froggy? Froggy! ...FROOOGGYYYYYYYYYYY!", her voice echoing as she screams.

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia runs around the confusing corridors completely naked, covered by some bath-bubbles around her chest and groin.

She pants as she runs from one corridor to another, looking terrified and constantly glancing over her back as though expecting someone or something to sneak up on her.

She stops under the archway that links to yet another corridor and waits.

She gulps and trembles as she nervously peeks to the right of the next dark corridor, unaware that there's an ominous shadow with a bright white crescent smile and bright white eyes next to her.

The shadow lifts its hand to reach for the vampire, but Remilia turns her head around in time, ducks to avoid the hands, then pants rapidly as she runs as fast as her feet can take her into the next dark corridor.

Her heart races on, making each movement a chore to control, as her adrenaline makes a simple move of a hand into a dangerous flail that could very well end up in the harming of herself.

The corridors get so dark, they now seem to be lit by a single night-light, but thankfully, Remilia is a vampire, so this doesn't affect her much.

A light thud and heavy breathing alerts Remilia of the shadow getting closer.

Her eyes widen and her breath becomes harder, but at last, the light at the end of the tunnel... kind of literally too.

Remilia spots a light behind a closed door and expresses her relief with a loud sigh, then speeds up to the door.

On the other side of the kitchen door, Sakuya is turning off the stove and tasting the meat sauce when Remilia suddenly rips the door open, spreads her arms, wings and legs; thank goodness for those censor bubbles; and exclaims "HA! I did it! I found her first! Take THAT Flandre!"

Sakuya holds her chest and breathes heavily from the surprise, then exclaims "my lady, what's going-?"

From behind Remilia, Flandre, who is also naked and censored by those bath bubbles on her chest and groin, moans sadly and says "aww, onee-sama cheated! I almost had you back there too."

Remilia flips the side of her wet hair at Flandre and says "I beat you fair and square. I didn't even fly, just like I promised."

Flandre suddenly jumps on her sister and wraps her arms around Remilia's neck, then giggles and says "onee-sama is the best!"

Remilia quickly panics and tries to push Flandre away while shouting "wah! Wait, Flan, we're both naked!"

Flandre clings on to her sister and rubs her cheek against Remilia's shoulder with a blissful smile on her face, then says "it's ok. We're sisters after all."

Remilia's desperate attempts to push Flandre away ends up with her and her little sister on the floor, causing all the bubbles around them to pop at the same time. Remilia screams, then shouts "Sakuya, heeeeelp!"

Sakuya is still in complete shock, her eyes are stuck in epic intense mode, her mouth refuses to close, then the maid suddenly twitches.

The two sisters stop struggling to look at Sakuya, then they get up right behind the counter, where nobody else but Sakuya can see their naked bodies, then Remilia asks "hey, Sakuya? Why is your face getting red?"

Flandre concernedly asks "Sa-Sakuya-san? Sakuya-san, are you alright?"

Sakuya's face becomes the epitome blissfulness, a drop of blood drips from her right nostril, Remilia and Flandre get a little closer, then Sakuya's nose blows out blood as though she's some sort of spaceship engine, then she flies straight up through three layers of the ship.

When she breaks through the deck, her voice echoes all over Gensokyo as she screams "**I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGN**!"

When she's just about to crash through Gensokyo's own border, she explodes with amazing force, creating an image of her blissful face with knives and danmaku, then the knives rain down on the ship and all of Gensokyo, successfully creating a storm more dangerous than a hailstorm.

Remilia and Flandre look up to the sky from the safety of the dark kitchen, then Remilia chuckles and says "see, I told you we'd get her."

Flandre giggles, then says "uuu~ I wanna do that again!"

* * *

Over at the Palanquin, Suwako has been shackled by the neck and ankles and with a very annoyed look on her face, is now sweeping the deck from the innumerable amount of knives that fell from the sky moments ago.

Koishi, who now wears a sleeveless dark-green shirt under a sleeveless, dark brown leather vest, a pair of brown shorts that only cover half of her thighs, and a pair of brown boots, leans on the portside (left) rails of the ship while gazing at the Youkai Mountain.

She sighs contently and says "ah, I love the air over here in the outside. So cool and gentle."

Byakuren, who has taken off her pink eye-patch, stands next to Koishi, sighs, then says "oh, I agree. There were no winds like these in Hokkai at all. Always so stagnant and... ah, but that's the past."

Koishi smiles at Byakuren, turns to look at the Youkai mountain some more, and ignores the sight of the Tengu flying around while fighting with a giant robot, when she asks "say, miss Byakuren-san, have you seen Onee-chan?"

Byakuren smiles blissfully while raisin her right hand to point to the left, saying "Namusan!"

Satori wears a pink hooded robe, with the hood currently lifted and covering her head, and underneath that, she wears a light-blue lightly armored shirt, a skirt with pink scales, a brown belt around her waist that has an extension that goes over her right shoulder, and a pair of pink slip-on shoes.

She's shivering while hugging her knees on the floor, over at the corner of the poop deck, and occasionally raises her heat to look around, whimpers, then curls up again.

Koishi clicks her tongue while slowly shaking her head, then says "my, she's got it pretty hard. I better go talk to her."

As Koishi walks over to Satori, Byakuren smile and says "good luck~", then pulls out a silver spoon, throws it forward, and that action is followed immediately by a loud clink, a powerful explosion, and Aya shouting "THANK YOU~!"

Koishi walks over to Satori, places her hand on her sister's right shoulder, Satori twitches, then Orin says "Satori-sama, you really need to lighten up. You're starting to worry me."

Satori lifts her head, is about to ask what happened to Koishi, but gives up, sighs in defeat, then looks at Orin and says "but this is just too much. Right is down, up is left, and somewhere along the line, I think I lost my sanity."

Satori blinks, and now she finds herself surrounded by Okuu, Petal, and instead of Orin, Koishi is there where she should be, placing a comforting hand on her older sister's shoulder.

Satori's eyes water, she sobs, then says "I don't know what the heck's going on! I thought I was talking to Orin just now."

From behind her, Orin says "well, you were, but I moved."

Satori lowers her hood to look back at Orin, shivers, and trying to sound as calm as possible, she says "p-p-please don't sw-sw-switch like that!"

Koishi sighs, hugs her sister, then says "onee-chan... You should really close that third eye of yours. It will do you wonders."

Satori twitches and asks "and how the heck did the conversation steer this way?"

She pushes herself free from Koishi to find herself in front of Rika, who says "I'm sorry miss Satori, I just wanted to help."

Satori springs up on her feet, her body stiffens, her eyes turn to massive white disks, and her body turns to stone once again.

Rika screams in a panic, points at the stoned satori youkai, then shouts "oh no! She turned to stone!"

Koishi lowers her hat to cover her eyes, Orin stands bravely to Koishi's right, and Okuu is playing horsey with Petal behind them, then Koishi bravely says "there's no choice. We'll have to go look for the Stone of Ness!"

Orin nods, while Rika gets closer to Koishi, grabs her hand, and says "then let's go!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the unnamed ghost ship, inside the Hakugyokurou replica, Yuyuko and Yukari are partaking on a small feast prepared by Youmu, and between them, or more precisely, trapped between Yuyuko's breasts, is one lucky, yet not so lucky dog-Ail.

One would consider such event something blissful and a high achievement, but not poor dog-Ail, who is just barely able to breathe between those mounds of cold flesh that seem to have molded perfectly to his shape, thus rendering him unable to escape.

Youmu enters the room with two more plates of meat slices with shaped vegetable cuts and sauce, then looks at dog-Ail's pathetic stare, listens to his whines, and as she places the plates in front of the women, Youmu asks "Yuyuko-sama, isn't it about time to turn Ail-san back to normal?"

Yuyuko smiles whimsically at Youmu as she replies "oh, not yet, Youmu. He's so comfortable, and warm, and fuzzy, let's leave him like this for at least two more hours."

oumu sighs, bends closer to dog-Ail, then whispers "sorry, I can't help you. You know that."

Little dog-Ail takes a deep breath and expels the collected air through his nose, letting Youmu know two things: one, that he understands her, and two, he wants to wake up from this nightmare.

Right after Youmu leaves the living room, the two young ladies begin to chow down while discussing really boring things about the old times, then something makes him raise his left ear and wag his tail with excitement, tickling Yuyuko in the process.

The ghost princess giggles and laughs, reaches for her fan, smacks dog-Ail on the head, making him yelp, then giggles one more time and says "naughty little doggie! U, fu, fu! You don't do those things to mommy while she's eating."

From the front door, the angels seem to sing praise as the voice of hope rings inside the ghostly shrine, that voice being from one furious green-haired shrine maiden that's holding a drunken Budou on her left hand, while she holds her gohei on her right.

Sanae aims her gohei at Yuyuko as she glares at the ghost princess and says "Yuyukoooo! You promised me you'd keep Yukari from messing up!"

Yuyuko opens her fan to cover her face as she asks "oh my. Miss Sanae, how are you? Whatever do you mean?"

Sanae points at Budou and shouts "Budou is drunk," points at Ail and shouts "Ail is a dog and can't morph back," then points at Youmu, who holds plates with chocolate cream cake slices and looks more confused than anything, and finishes "and is that an actual chocolate cream cake?"

Youmu nods, looks at Yuyuko and Yukari, notices the plea for salvation in their eyes, then says "umm... yeah, and there's plenty left, so would you like a-"

Before Youmu can finish, Sanae is already sitting next to the table in front of Yukari and angrily shouts "don't mind if I do!"

Meanwhile, over at the deck, the somehow freed dog-Ail runs around the drunken Budou to try and keep her away from the rails, while little Budou stumbles all around, smiling and saying "shay... mama Shanny ish... *hic*... and papa... nap."

Exactly as Ail didn't want, Budou jumps on the starboard (right) rails, turns her wobbly self toward the shrine replica, points to the air, and says "ish not moving, it ish because of PAPA!", then jumps down to the ground.

Dog-Ail clings to the edge of the ship's deck and holds Budou by her feet, preventing her from falling, then Budou, who has her hair and skirt dangling in the air, showing everyone her cut grape-print bloomers, looks up at dog-Ail and says "hayyy, papa *hic*! I think I *yawn* napping now."

She wraps her wings around herself and immediately falls asleep, even with dog-Ail barking loudly and rapidly in an attempt to wake her up.

* * *

Meanwhile, Koishi, Rika, Petal, Okuu and Orin appears like a flash of light right in front of the Palanquin's wheel, where Nazrin stands to Minamitsu's left, and stares at the magically-appearing girls with a raised eyebrow, while Minamitsu panics and shouts "hey, what the heck is this?"

Orin stretches her arms above her head and says "ngh! That was some adventure. Really, who knew the cabinet was telling the truth."

Rika approaches Minamitsu and Nazrin, bows to the girls, and says "we've just come back from the land of Cu-Ka-Mangua while searching for the Stone of Ness to break Satori's stoning."

Nazrin and Minamitsu stare at each other in disbelief, then Nazrin turns to look at the girls and says "look, if she's high, let her enjoy the ride and chew her out when she returns, but going on weird quest to-"

Ignoring Nazrin, Koishi sobs, then says "it doesn't matter. We had to use the stone to free the Village of the Panties, so that they could take the Bikini Castle and burn off the tops."

Nazrin holds on to her head as she screams "GYAAA~! My brain!"

Minamitsu holds on to the wheel to prevent herself from falling back, then shakes her head to recover herself from the sudden dizziness, and says "you're trying to piss me off, and you're achieving said level, so I suggest-"

Before she's done, Petal exclaims "whoo~! Eggy egg is coming back!", and Okuu adds "ooh, so shiny, and round, and smooth!", then starts drooling at the sight of a giant glowing golden egg with a manly face.

The egg smiles at Petal and gently says "oh, hello little Petal. My, you're looking fantastic."

The egg thing turns its face to Orin, frowns, then mumbles to itself "ugh... big boobs.", then turns around to look at Koishi, and smiles again.

Orin covers her chest with her arms while her hair stands on its ends, growls, then says "stupid lolicon egg!"

The man-faced egg-thing, once again sounding soft-voiced, says "ah, miss Koishi, because of you and your friends, the land of Lalapunkalo is safe, and thus, I will bestow upon you the power to un-stone your sister."

With that, a light-yellow spark slowly descends on Koishi's head, then enters her body, causing her to shine light-yellow.

The satori youkai can't help her excitement, so she jump-hugs the egg things and says "thank you so much!"

After a long hug, the egg thing turns around with blood tricking down his nose, looks at Rika, smiles dearly, then says "and you, miss Rika, even if you do have big boobs, you are welcome in my home any time. Such a kind soul you are."

Rika blushes while covering her chest with her arms, and chuckles nervously, unable to come up with a reply.

The man-faced egg thing starts to disappear, while saying "well, my young and adorable little heroes, miss Rika... and you two big-breasted animals..."

Both Okuu and Orin shout an angry "HEY!" at the same time, then the egg continues "it's time I went back home. Oh, but before I forget! After the cabinet set the candle on fire, they made up, but more importantly, the wax is building up, so they can get married soon."

All the girls, including Orin and Okuu, smile and sigh with relief, then they all wave their hands as the egg thing closes its eyes and disappears.

After the egg leaves, the girls realize that Nazrin is lying on the ground while foaming at the mouth, and her eyes have become completely blank.

Minamitsu is in her ghost form, with her red eyes and green skin and clothes, and looks curiously at the staring girls and asks "what? What is it?", all while her physical body convulses violently on the floor.

The girls decide it's wise to keep quiet, then Rika chuckles nervously and says "oh, it's nothing. Um, we'll just head on over to Satori now."

The glowing Koishi, Rika, Okuu, Petal and Orin rush to the stoned Satori, then Koishi takes a step closer to her sister, and softly says "hold on onee-chan. I'm here for you.", then wraps her arms around her sister's neck, gives her a tight hug, then kisses her cheek.

Satori starts glowing brightly, forcing the girls to narrow their eyes because of the brightness, and when the glowing stops, Satori is free from the stoning, and is breathing once again.

The girls behind Koishi cheer and celebrate, while Satori groggily asks "uh? What? Ko-Koishi, what happened?"

And that's when it happens.

Satori starts to instinctively read the minds of those there, then sees first-hand their adventure in that odd far-off land with strange creatures, panties, bras, bikinis, beaches, and more importantly, a creepy table with teeth.

Before long, Satori lies on the floor with her eyes blanked, foaming at the mouth, and her body convulsing violently.

Koishi stares at her sister, scratches the side of her head, then turns her head to Rika and asks "wanna get a snack?"

Rika nervously smiles as she points at Satori and asks "um, shouldn't we help her?"

Orin, Okuu and Petal raise their hands and cheer in unison, so Rika simply join in, raises her hand, and unenthusiastically cheers.

* * *

Over at the Scarlet Demon Ark's living room, where Remilia sits on her throne-like chair that is set at the end of a long red carpet adorned with a golden vine motif, Sakuya prepares to serve Remilia the tea and snacks prepared by herself.

The maid wears her regular dark-blue maid outfit with a white apron on the skirt, her maid's headband, her black shoes, and long white socks.

She has also made sure her skirt springs up on its own so that it looks shorter than usual, and is wearing an unusual amount of makeup on her cheeks, and a suspiciously bubbly smile.

Another odd thing about her is that this dress has it's back is completely bare, revealing that she isn't wearing any bras or sarashi to cover those lewd things that keep jiggling on their own, so it's not really her regular attire after all.

She finishes stirring the tea, taps the teaspoon twice on the cup, making a gentle ting ring around the room, then she takes it to her mistress and places it elegantly on the right armrest of the chair, and in a bubbly and happy tone of voice, she says "please enjoy, miss Remilia."

The vampire stares suspiciously at the maid, but before she can ask what is going on, Sakuya twirls in place on one leg, stops when her body is sideways and aimed to the left, making her breast jiggle around, places her hands in front of her left breast, shapes a heart with her fingers, winks at Remilia, then blows a kiss at her mistress, and even goes as far as to generate enough energy between her hands to send out a translucent pink heart to the air while saying "moe, moe kyun."

Remilia's left eyes twitches at the sight, the vampire stares at the human maid with a slight look of disgust, then asks "Sakuya, what exactly is the matter with you?"

Sakuya sighs, slumps, her breasts jiggle, frowns at her mistress, then sadly says "ooh. Sorry my lady, I thought you'd like the extra entertainment today. I apologize."

Remilia recovers her neutral face, nods, then says "it's alright. Please bring me my cake. I crave something sweet."

Still sounding a bit saddened, Sakuya nods and says "as you wish, my lady."

She walks down to the food cart with a miserable look on her face while thinking "darn it, as expected of my lady. I can't make her react to this kind of thing. And I really wanted a little retribution too. I mean, I know she's my lady, and that this gag story makes it so none of that stuff hurt, but I'm still embarrassed about that."

While she cuts a slice of cake with strawberries and icing in the middle, she is unaware of Meiling drooling to her left. Meiling points at the cake and asks "h-hey, that looks good. Can I have a bite?"

Sakuya yelps, but recovers quickly, and holding her chest to prevent her heart from exploding and her breast from jiggling more, she angrily says "f-fine! Just don't DO that again!"

Confused, Meiling places her index finger on her bottom lip, but smiles when her brain registers she's been allowed a piece of cake, so the takes a step closer to the cart when Sakuya makes her way to her mistress, trips on a bump on the carpet, grabs the shoulders of Sakuya's maid dress, then pulls down and rips them off as she falls to the ground.

Sakuya screams in such an adorable manner, Remilia can't help but turn all her attention to the maid, and there she is, blushing fiercely while covering her bare breasts with her right arm, while trying to cover her black panties with her left hand, her curvy hips exposed, all while looking so ashamed; it makes her face look adorable.

Remilia's wings stretch and stiffen, her body twitches, her pupils shrink, then her nose starts spewing jet-streams of blood that knock her and her chair down, and just before hitting the ground, with a blissful smile on her face, Remilia happily says "I've seen heaven~!"

Still covering her breasts, Sakuya stares at Remilia and triumphantly raises her left arm and cheers "YES! It worked!"

Without thinking twice, the chief maid grabs Meiling by the back of the neck, kisses her lips, then excitedly says "thank you Meiling! I'm giving you EXTRA servings of meat for this!"

Sakuya releases Meiling, then hums a tune as she happily skips out of the room while still semi-naked, and yes, she's still covering her breasts quite well, so peek all you want, you won't see a thing.

Meiling stares with confusion at Sakuya, then says to herself "I don't know what I did now, but I'm glad she's happy about it."

The gate guard turns her attention to the blissful mistress on the floor with the bleeding nose, scratches the side of her head, then shrugs and says "meh. Change the scene, I guess."

* * *

Over at the Palanquin, Byakuren, Shou, Nazrin, Nue, Kogasa, Ichirin and Unzan are firing cannonballs at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, while Minamitsu steers the ship and shouts "show 'em what we've got! Nobody messes with the Myouren Temple and gets away with it!"

Over at Chiyuri's ship, Maribel, Renko, Tewi, Mima, Lily, Agava and Marisa are returning fire, while, surprisingly enough, Yumemi is in command and shouts "ha-ha~! Come on girls, let's take ALL the honey!"

Back at the Palanquin, Minamitsu shouts "HEADS-UP", then jumps away to avoid a shower of cannonballs from the enemy ship.

Unaware of what's happening, Petal runs out of the safely of the ship's inner quarters, asking "Shatori-shama love! Petal hungry for lunch yet?"

She looks up and notices one cannonball is headed straight at her, but to her, she sees a ball being thrown at her to play with, so she raises her hands to catch it and squeals with glee.

By the luck of the gods, the cannonball falls just an inch away from the baby bird, making a loud cracking sound when it breaks through the deck and pushes Petal away by the sheer force of the impact.

Petal slowly bets back up and tries to get back on her feet, but her right knee hurts her when she tries to get back up, so she sits on the ground to inspect herself.

Of all the horrible things that could have happened, Petal discovers a cut on her knee, made by one of those pieces of wood that exploded so close to her when the cannonball landed, but it's not until she sees the blood coming out of the cut that she starts to panic.

Tears fill her eyes, her lips start to wriggle, she whimpers, then starts to sob, holds her leg when she feels the throbbing pain, then starts bawling where she sits.

Okuu breaks through the deck, Orin appears out of nowhere, Koishi flies to the little bird, and Satori makes a full recovery to rush to the crying girl.

Okuu is the first to reach Petal and immediately asks "Petal, what happened? Why do you cry? Are you hurt? Who hurt you?"

Satori looks at the cut on Petal's leg, grunts furiously, then says "those FIENDS!"

Orin hisses while bearing jagged teeth and exclaims "I'll rape their corpses before sending them to the fires of HELL!"

Koishi punches the open palm of her left hand and seriously says "someone has to pay."

Okuu lifts Petal from the ground, kisses her cheek, hands the bird over to Orin, then looks fiercely toward the front of the ship.

Her eyes turn blood-red, her pupils become silted, her controller rod appears on her right arm in an explosion of pure power, her face become feral, then she takes flight.

Satori gasps when Okuu flies away, then shouts "let's get the heck OUT OF HERE~!", then she, Orin, who is holding Petal, and Koishi, panic and fly away from the ships.

Okuu, on the other hand, flies in between all four ships, then starts powering up while shouting an echoing "**UNYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!**"

Her third eye starts glowing red, along with her own, her teeth become jagged, and now she's suddenly holding a spell card on her left hand.

She summons even more power, the skies start to rumble, and when her controller rod starts glowing along with her eyes, she shouts "SUBTERRANEAN SUUUUUUUUUN~!"

Okuu's entire body starts glowing red, then she gets surrounded by a red orb that starts pulling all the ships toward it.

At the same time, she shoots a ridiculous number of small white bullets all around herself that literally eat away the ships bows, then adds middle-sized red orbs for good measure, which explode violently on contact.

The pull from Okuu's artificial sun becomes so strong, the ships start getting closer a lot faster, and even though most are missing the lower parts of the bow, when the four ships collide, the impact causes an out-of-proportion explosion that generates a massive black mushroom cloud in the sky that covers the real sun, and now, all the women and girls, and dog, on the ships fall straight to the ground, with all the girls having most of their clothes burned off, save for Budou, who is floating down safely, completely unharmed and somehow not getting touched by any of the flying pieces of bamboo or lumber.

* * *

Meanwhile, over at the Human Village, Kotohime, Reimu, Rika, Kimi, Kali, Koakuma and Patchouli are getting ready to storm the suspicious Keine's school/shop.

Kotohime stands in front and center, Reimu to the right, Kimi to the left, and behind them, the rest of the girls eagerly await for the command to attack.

Kotohime raises her hand, holds it for a moment, then swings it down and shouts "CHAAAAARGE!", then she and the girls all charge to the store at the same time, shooting their danmaku while shouting at the top of their lungs.

From inside the shop/school, the suspicious Keine shouts "now, my students! Just like I taught you!"

While this epic battle takes place, Chiyuri sits behind the dragon statue with her head almost between her knees, and looks down to the ground between her feet as she sadly says "what's the use? No matter what I do, that Willie G.R. bastard is going to make me do things against my will. It's just not fair!"

The steaming Kotohime flies backward in the sky and falls face-first on the ground in front of Chiyuri, then her burned body and clothes start to sizzle and steam.

She lifts her head to stare angrily at the blond girl and asks "hey, why didn't you help us? We needed you, dammit!"

Chiyuri sighs, then replies "it's pointless. The moment Willie set his sight on this scene, it was bound to fail miserably!"

Kotohime is now fully restored to her initial state, free from wounds and burn marks, and sits with her legs crossed under her skirt and her arms hidden under her sleeves as she nods at Chiyuri, then says "you do know you're doing something dangerous there, right?"

Chiyuri sighs again, sinks her face between her knees, then says "I just hope that damned author doesn't force me to wear something ridiculous again. But shit, that bastard had Sakuya show off a hot body, but I get to have a void for a groin. What the hell is the deal with that? I'm cute and sexy too!"

Kotohime now looks both annoyed and disgusted, then asks "are you sure you didn't eat something funny, squishy girl?"

Suddenly, the remaining half of the Palanquin crashes on to the village, destroying houses and starting wildfires all over, and after recovering from the shock of the surprise, Chiyuri and Kotohime both jump on their feet and look at the mess.

The humans and few human-friendly youkai scream as their village is being burned to the ground again, then Kotohime panics and exclaims "MY HOUSE! Dammit, how are we going to fix this one?"

Chiyuri nervously looks around, finds the edge of the scene, rips it off, flicks it hard, then sets it back in its place, ridding the village of any damage, fire or wrecked ships.

Chiyuri and Kotohime are now surrounded by the villagers, and all cheer for the girls like heroes, but Kotohime steps aside and points at Chiyuri, letting her have all the glory.

Chiyuri smiles with embarrassment at first, but quickly warms up to the crowd and the attention, then giggles and says "say, this isn't so bad. I... I think I was mistaken about this author after all."

Now Chiyuri wears a sexy little white bikini, which actually makes her look a little bustier than she truly is.

When she notices this sudden change of clothes, she blushes tomato red and tries to cover herself up with her hands while shouting "HEY! What the hell is the meaning of this? Dammit, change me back! This isn't what I meant! Oh, my body's not ready for this! SOMEONE SAVE ME!"

The male villagers are now looking at the newly sexy-fied Chiyuri with hungry eyes, and that's when Kotohime shouts "RUN, GIRL!", then Chiyuri cries as she flies away, narrowly escaping the hungry men's grasp.

As she flies away, she furiously cries "Grah! I'll get you for this, Willie G.R.! When you least expect it, I will get you for this! You'll RUE THE DAY! You and your readers will PAY!"

Meanwhile, over at Eintei, Kaguya Houraisan, with her long black hair, dark-brown eyes, wearing her pink long-sleeved kimono-like shirt with many frilly white ribbons on front, and her long dark burgundy skirt with golden flower designs, walks out of her mansion and stares at the burning chunk of the ghostly ship lodged on the ground in front of her house.

She raises and lowers her right hand in rhythm as she shouts "Eirin, Eirin, come and help me Eirin!"

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Budou, Kimi, Kali and Agava were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

MAR 06 2011

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**So, how did you like this? Were you surprised with all that happened here? Well, whether you are, or you are not, I hope you still enjoyed the chaos, the mess and the referencing of things that even I don't understand. Now, it will be some time again before I upload the next Pirates chapter, due to the fact that I am going to start working on my 6th Sukima story, as well as continue working on the crossover. Please pray for me to have the inspiration and will needed to do both, AND manage the next Pirates chapter soon. Until next time. Oh, and for those of you that didn't get it... The reason Kanako doesn't like that frequency Suwako picked is because of THIS: 34.34 = BA. BA , which means old lady/old hag. Please do NOT use this word in decent conversations. It's NOT NICE**

**Note that the fourth-wall destruction was inspired by a conversation I had with Snapshot, so you can partially blame him for its breaking.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Reimu Hakurei, lovely shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine and incident resolver of Gensokyo, finds herself trapped at the edge of a tall, jaggy and narrow plateau.

Right below her the powerful waves of the furious ocean crash with might against the sharp walls of the rocky mountain, making a loud roar that saps the courage out of the atmosphere.

The maiden looks down the narrow road that leads away from the plateau and frowns.

Remilia, holding her Spear of the Gungnir, Minamitsu, holding tightly to a heavy anchor, and Eirin Yagokoro, who wears an epic hooded robe that's red to the left, blue to the right, has two rabid-Reisen-heads made of bronze on the shoulders, holds a giant syringe, and threaten the maiden while smiling vilely.

Remilia and Minamitsu look to Eirin and the **real** captain asks "hey, you're not supposed to be here. Where's the whiny blonde with the flat chest?"

The hooded Lunarian smiles tenderly and says "she asked me to fill in for her, seeing as she's quarreling with someone called _Willie G.R._. I really didn't understand, but I'm having fun."

The vampire and ghost captain look at each other, shrug, and along with the hooded woman, resume threatening the maiden with their selected weapons. Remilia threateningly shouts "give up the treasure miss maiden! There's nowhere to run!"

Reimu takes a step backward, her left foot slips at the edge of the rocky mountain, then gulps while glaring at her pursuers.

The girl thinks to herself for a moment, sighs, then reaches inside her vest.

Remilia gulps and her cheeks turn red when she believes the maiden is about to strip for them, but aws in disappointment when said girl simply pulls a piece of paper,a ticket, from underneath her sarashi.

The ticket reads "Kourindou Heavenly Kitchen. One free full-course meal for Four. One-time use only."

Reimu stares at her prized free meal ticket with longing, then stares at the girls in front of her, all drooling at the sight of such powerfully awesome treasure.

She pockets the ticket, somehow pulls her gohei from underneath her sarashi, then stomps the ground in front of her while glaring at the girls in front.

The three attackers whimper and take several steps back, then huddle together.

Remilia whispers "she's going ape-shit on our asses! No treasure is worth getting beaten near-to-death for!"

Minamitsu angrily whispers "well we can't just give up now! Treasure-hunting and stealing is what pirating is for!"

Eirin shakes her head and whispers "no, no, being free is what pirating is for. Anyway you two stand back. I'll take care of her in one shot!"

Remilia gasps and exclaims "well, that's one mighty claim there."

Breaking the huddle, Eirin confidently says "just watch" as she walks toward Reimu again.

The alien grins as she stands proudly in the way of the maiden's escape, then rams the needle of her giant syringe on the ground.

Reimu narrows her left eye while raising her right eyebrow but quietly waits for Eirin's move.

The pharmacist grabs the center of her awesome cloak, then yanks it open in the middle.

Reimu quickly drops her weapon and screams as she falls on her butt on the little ground behind her and covers her face with her forearms.

The underside of the cloak looks like outer space, even going as far as having meteorites and asteroids flying by the scenery.

The Lunarian herself has her silver hair braided, and is wearing a pair of brown knee-high pirate boots, a tight, tight leotard that's red to the right and blue to the left, and is so tight it reveals many details I'll leave out in order to keep this rated **T**.

She also has a sexy dark-green body belt that hangs seductively around the woman's gloriously delicious hips, while a single strap rises above, crosses between that thin valley between the large mountains on the chest and crosses up to the woman's right shoulder.

Eirin Yagokoro smiles as she loudly says "gaze upon the curves of seductiveness, the perfection of the female body that is capable of destroying worlds on a whim! Reimu Hakurei, give up the treasure and I'll be merciful enough to spare you further humiliation for your lack of!"

The shrine maiden trembles and whimpers. She looks down behind herself toward the water and can see sharp rocks hiding underneath the water, looks back at Eirin and that hot, hot body of hers embraced tightly by such a lewd yet beautiful outfit, then realizes her hopes are grim.

The red and white closes her eyes, stands up and places her left fist on her chest, picks up her gohei, then flies away toward the sunrise.

The three pursuers remain on the ground, staring depressively toward the flying maiden with their mouths left slightly open, their eyes hiding under a dark shadow, and bits of their hair springing up unevenly.

Eirin lowers her arms and closes her cloak, turns around to face the other girls, then Remilia casually says "well fu-"

* * *

Over at the unnamed ghostly ship, Youmu and Kimi casually patrol around the small ghostly shrine, and after making sure there are no strangers on board the dragon girl taps the half ghost on the shoulder and says "I'm taking a nap. Call me if there's something fun going on."

The silver-haired half ghost nods and Kimi turns around to go to the cabins down below.

As she walks down the stairs she spots Cirno covering their cannons with an ice sheet, waves at the ice fairy who waves back, then continues on her way down to her cabin as if nothing is happening.

On the porch of the small shrine, Youmu sits with a bored look on her face, sighs, then says to herself "it's too quiet. I don't like this one bit. Mmm, and now that I think about it, I haven't heard Yuyuko even once today, and it's almost lunch time."

Soft and cold mounds of flesh crash on the half-ghost's left cheek, and soon after that soft crash comes the inevitable slamming of the back against the hard floor, followed promptly by extra pressure from those soft mounds and the weight of having Yuyuko lie on top of your body.

Quite accustomed to this kind of activity, the silver haired pirate gardener asks through Yuyuko's breasts a muffled "Yuyu-sama, what's the matter?"

With tears of fear dangling under her eyes, the pirate princess of the Netherworld points inside the shrine and cries "she's trying to hit me with her car so she can EAT ME!"

The swordswoman gardener pushes Yuyuko off, flips on her feet, unsheathes her swords, and right after her mistress crashes on to the ground behind her, Youmu furiously asks "who dares try and cause harm to Saigyouji-sama!"

Yuyuko weakly says "Y-Youmu... that hurt."

The swordswoman jumps back and lands on her mistress with a loud crunch just as a girl driving an invisible car drives through and almost runs over said girl.

The driver has short greyish-blue hair and eyes, very pale skin, has a red and white charms stuck on the forehead, and wears a blue beret with a star on the center, a red Chinese-like shirt with pink trims on the sleeves, blue buttons, and sexy slits on the hips, a black skirt with the same pink trims, and a pair of black slip-ons.

She makes a doughnut-skid-stop with her car, shifts the gear, hangs her elbow from the invisible window, then asks "say girl, have you seen a very juicy-looking spirit around here?"

Youmu stomps once, making Yuyuko yelp out in pain, then demands "and who the hell are you? What do you want with Yuyuko-sama?", then whispers "and how the hell are you driving an invisible car without crashing?"

The girl smiles and casually replies "the name's Yoshika Miyako, pleasure, and I'm a bit hungry. No worries, I just want a quick bite and I'm outta here on my bike."

The silver-haired girl looks sheepish as she asks "don't you mean car?", then composes herself and demands "well I'm sorry but Yuyuko is NOT on the menu! Go eat somewhere else!"

She stabs her long sword, the Roukanken, on Yuyuko, making said ghost princess shriek in pain, then points her short sword, the Hakurouken, at the driving girl, then demands "if you insist on eating my princess, I will be obligated by the power vested in me, to pronounce you man and wife... er, I mean, to cut you to shreds!"

The driving zombie blinks twice as she stares with a bit of surprise at Youmu, then says "ah, I wouldn't want either. Very well miss, I'll be going then. Take care."

The silver-haired half-ghost smiles and says "the name's Youmu. Please come by for some tea next time, but no eating the princess."

The jiang shi smiles, nods, revs the engine of her invisible car twice, then cackles as she drives off to portside, screeching her wheels off to the distance.

No crashing sound of any kind can be heard while Youmu smiles and pulls her sword from Yuyuko and says "what a nice kid."

She looks down and can see her mistress crushed, stomped, cut, her shirt ripped, and her pale bra ready to pop off.

The gardener screams and kneels beside her poor mistress and exclaims "Yuyuko-sama! What kind of FIEND would do this to you while I was distracted!"

The ghostly princess raises a shivering blood-covered right hand and points at the girls' ghost-half, then Youmu gasps and exclaims "MYON? Holy crap, how could you do that to Yuyuko-sama! That's it, you're GROUNDED! Go to your room!"

The large ghost shakes its head furiously, but to no avail, so with its head down it goes inside the shrine to get into its room.

* * *

Over at the Palanquin's deck, Shou and the red-haired fairy that insists in dressing just like the Bishamonten disciple, walk over to the starboard (right) side rails and take a deep and relaxing breath.

The fairy sits on the tiger youkai's back and is looking happily over the youkai's head.

Shou looks up to her fairy companion and says "it's been quiet with the captain gone, don't you think?"

Just as the fairy nods, from behind them a loud child-like voice shouts "**don't you think!**"

The girls immediately look to the source of the voice but find absolutely nothing.

The little fairy blinks, climbs down Shou's back until her head rests on the tiger's shoulder, then wraps her hands around said youkai's chest, making Toramaru squeak and shudder in shock.

The Disciple of Bishamonten shivers, her face turns pink, and trying to sound as casual as possible she says "l-little one, y-you should stop p-p-please."

Suddenly to the left, **Captain Murasa!**

The captain looks pissed, tired, dirty, smells like an unwashed cod-fish, but at least is holding the honey pot upright.

Both the fairy and Shou stare at the captain, then the tiger girl asks "Minamitsu, are you alright? What happened with the treasure?"

The captain turns her blood-shot eyes toward the tiger and fairy, both girls shiver and embrace each other, then Mini-chan says "We forgot she could fly. She's eating now. I'm going to bed."

And without further conversation, the captain slowly flies toward her cabin. Shou and her fairy stare as the ghostly captain rams the door to the cabins open with her head, then the tiger says "now that's an odd sight. A tired ghost."

The door slams shut, and almost immediately the outside of the ship is taken over by the epic snoring from the tired Palanquin captain.

Shou and the fairy start to sweat, then the tiger youkai looks toward no particular place and excitedly asks "whoa-whoa, wait a second! That's it? No explosions? No screaming? No dismantling of ships? What's going on?"

The little fairy mimics the tiger's hand gestures but ends up falling from her back, yet continues mimicking Shou.

The Bishamonten disciple blinks twice as some words write themselves in front of her eyes, which read "_fine. If that's what you want, then I'll gladly deliver._"

Before she or the fairy can react, a solid 14k gold washtub falls on her head, making a disturbingly loud crack and knocking the tiger out.

The little fairy frets about nervously, jumps on Shou's stomach, grabs her breasts and presses them together, places her head on the accommodated chest, then falls asleep while sucking on her own little thumb.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere at the outskirts of the forest of Magic, the Kourindou Shop, which has switched the "_shop_" sign for a "_restaurant_" sign, is in service of Reimu, Rika, Marisa and Tenshi the celestial.

Said celestial has long blue hair, dark red eyes, and is wearing a pair of silver pins with peaches on each side of her head, a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the shoulders and it bottom is tucked into her shorts, a pair of light-brown shorts that only cover the upper thigh just slightly, and a pair of white socks and brown ankle-high boots.

Rinnosuke walks out of the "_restaurant_" wearing his usual blue and black kimono-like shirt, black pants and white shoes, only now he's wearing a chef's hat and an apron around his waist.

He walks closer to the girls, shakes his head to show off his silvery hair, gives the girls a sexy look with those yellow eyes of his through his glasses, then soft-manly asks "so what will you be having?"

Marisa's heart thumps hard, making her speak nervously as she says "K-Kourin. Um, I-I'll be having *gulp* the-the house's special p-p-please."

After he writes that down Tenshi casually says "give me your sweetest, larges dish please!"

After the man scribbles that down, Rika sweetly says "some salad with fish and vegetable soup please, mister Rinnosuke."

Blushing a little, the man writes that down, then Reimu opens her mouth and raises her finger.

The chef raises an eyebrow as he writes down on his notepad, then Rika asks "m-my lady are you sure? That sounds spicy."

Reimu waves her hand in the air while making a rude sound with her lips, then gestures her hands as though speaking when all she does is smile sweetly.

Marisa stares at the maiden, lowers the brim of her hat, then says "well, don't cry if you're not able to finish it."

The red and white smiles incredibly sweetly at the witch as she nods and after the "_conversation_" is over, the overly confused celestial asks "what the heck is going on here? Why isn't Reimu speaking?"

Rika pats Tenshi on the back of the head and says "Momoko, you just need to look into her eyes, and all answers will be clear."

Tenshi immediately looks into Reimu's sweet and innocent eyes, stares for a minute, then her face becomes flushed, she breathes through her mouth, and as she fans her face she says "wow, I never knew."

From the "restaurant's" door Rinnosuke announces "while I prepare your meals, please enjoy tonight's entertainment."

From inside the shop-er I mean the restaurant come Sunny, Luna and Star, and all three have that face that clearly says "_I'm doing this 'cuz I am forced to do it._"

Sunny has blue eyes, golden hair tried to pig tails with red ribbons, detached straight wings, and is currently wearing a red and white waitress' outfit.

Luna has brown eyes, blond hair curled to four drills, detached crescent wings, and is wearing a white and black waitress' outfit with a black headdress.

Star has grey eyes, long straight black hair, detached butterfly-like wings, and is wearing a blue and white waitress' outfit.

With annoyance in their faces, the three fairies walk over to a very dark spot in front of the tables, stop in front of a trio of microphones, then Sunny grabs the mic in front of herself and softly asks "d-does anyone have any requests?"

Reimu happily raises her hands and waves them around, the lights behind the three fairies turn on to reveal a stage with Mystia and all three Prismriver sisters on standby, then Star quickly cheers up and exclaims "then let's sing to our hearts' content! Three, two, one!"

The Prismrivers, without actually playing their instruments, play a sweet and soothing song to which the three fairies sing along in a choir.

Mystia waits with her eyes closed and focusing herself, then quickly opens her eyes, the song becomes harder, then Mystia howls and sings "**I watch you eating your meal with my pretty eyes! Don't you dare eat the chicken pot pie, or I swear I'll come for you TO-NIIIIIIIIIIGH~!**"

Her powerful howl blows the stage and Kourindou from its foundation, revealing Rinnosuke in the kitchen placing some salt on Tenshi's order and saying to himself "and~ they brought the house down again."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the sexy Eirin, who has her leotard disappointingly adjusted so it's a lot less tight, lands on the deck and exclaims "alright you mangy salt-water mongrels, front and center, NOW!"

In the blink of an eye, Agava, Maribel, Renko, Lily, Yumemi, and a girl with purple hair, round glasses, purple eyes, and wearing a brown coat over a short black dress tied around the waist by a lose brown belt and with a white ribbon on her head, all appear in front of the new captain in full attention.

Rikako Asakura, the latest addition to the bamboo-made flying ship, looks with scorn at the Lunarian and asks "captain, when the hell are you going to allow me to wear my boots again?"

Eirin giggles and casually says "when you stop shrinking my leotards and try to rape me."

The mad scientist blushes, clenches her teeth, then speaks through them "I'm not trying to rape you... yet. I just want to experiment on you!"

The Lunarian giggles, karate-chops the scientist on the head, then says "what a naughty little girl."

Yumemi approaches the captain and asks "captain, are we going to be alright?"

Eirin looks confused toward the red-haired woman and asks "why do you ask such things?"

Agava happily says "well, Chiyuri's gone missing, the author isn't being so random, and even though I don't really care the honey is gone again."

Yumemi shrieks and hugs herself after dropping to the ground and sucks on her thumb, Maribel picks her up and drags her away, then Renko sighs, shakes her head and asks "so what should we be doing captain?"

The Lunarian captain giggles, opens half of her cloak to show off her left breast, left, perfectly curved waist, her long, pale and silky-looking leg, winks, and the scene turns black for a moment.

As soon as it's back, the ship is extra clean, Yumemi is back to normal with a large pot on honey on her hands, Rikako has her boots on but has her legs and arms chained up, and Renko looks around with amazement.

She turns to the captain and says "wow, you just manipulated the author, just like that!"

Agava grins and adds "ah, the power of hormones and some well-placed sex appeal."

The incredibly sexy Lunarian grins and says "wait, one more second."

She looks toward nothing, her cheeks turn pink, her smile becomes tender and sweet, then she winks and blows a kiss.

The Scarlet Devil Ark to the right blows up with such force, even the sky trembles, and as they fall Koakuma screams "I told you! We should have worn those swimsuits!"

All the girls in front of the captain are blushing after that sight, and with surprise in her tone of voice, Maribel says "this woman is my idol!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a cave hidden somewhere at the foot of the Youkai Mountain, Chiyuri Kitashirakawa hides away from my reach, not knowing that I, as the author of this fan fiction, can find her anywhere she hides.

And there's the blond girl, sitting on a moist rock near the entrance of the cave, hugging her knees while lost in thought.

She looks out the cave's entrance to her left, holds her right ponytail with her hand, twirls its tip around her fingers and says to herself "no Chiyuri. If you go out there he'll find out, and I still have no way of beating Willie in a fair fight. Ugh, what should I do?"

She looks back inside the cave and yelps as she jumps in fright when she lays on Mima, who casually says "so jumpy. And here I came to help you sweetie."

Not believing the "evil" spirit, the small-chested captain raises an eyebrow and suspiciously asks "and why would you do that for me?"

Mima truthfully replies "because the Lunarian that took your place is using a substantial amount of sex appeal to make the author do her bidding, and it's making me sick."

From the cave's entrance, the girls can see Remilia, Koakuma and Meiling scattering about and picking up pieces of red lumber, then the vampire mistress exclaims "hurry, this scene should blow off at any second!"

Meiling cries "but this is impossible~!"

Koakuma flaps her head-wings as she exclaims "come on girls, this is a gag fiction! WE CAN DO IT!"

The sexy devil's inspirational words move the vampire into tears, and after sniffling Remilia says "that was beautiful! Come on Meiling, on to the next scene!"

Again our attention turns inside the cave, where Chiyuri sighs and says to Mima "so how can I beat this? How can I beat that fat and hairy bastard Willie G.R.! He's a pervert you know."

Mima face palms lightly and shakes her head, then says "start by stopping the insults. Willie's not a masochist. He's more of a sadist, if you haven't already noticed."

The ghost lady holds a picture of Suwako and Kanako being mangled by Sanae during a comedic beat-down at Paradise Sukima's middle chapters to make her point loud and clear.

The blonde captain rushes to the spirit, grabs her by the collar of her blue robe and excitedly exclaims "Mima, how the hell are we going to escape him? He's worst than that YUKA!"

The "evil" spirit grabs Chiyuri by the collar of her shirt with her left hand, smacks said girl across the face with her right, and all is done with the most relaxed smile on her spirit-face.

After the captain has calmed down, the green haired beauty places said girl on the ground, raises her hand, then says "look, you can't beat him. Instead, take everything he throws at you and turn it around so it works to YOUR favor."

Before Chiyuri can answer, a purple vortex opens up further inside the cave and from within it pops Damien, who exclaims "ha-HA~! I got you Ail-huh? This isn't his house."

He looks at the girls and asks "hey, sir... the blonde guy. Where is Ail?"

The captain roars furiously, then Damien yelps and shouts "dammit, it's that flat girl again!"

Chiyuri holds a gun on her hand and aims it at the dark boy's head, then a raging rapid takes everyone from inside the cave and forces them outside.

Damien slams hard against a tree branch, spins around in a cliché manner, and after he stops he holds his green face, swallows his breakfast, then says "d-dammit. I gotta be more careful."

Meanwhile, at the very beginning of the raging rapids are Chiyuri, who screams as she's being dragged around, and Mima, who casually floats on the water wearing a green turn color bikini top, seeing as she has her ghostly tail and doesn't need the bottom.

The spirit sighs and says "see, this is a good chance to turn it around to your advantage. Swim, surf, get dragged along, just don't give him or his readers the satisfaction of your tears."

Right after she says that she face palms hard when Chiyuri cries twin streams as she's being semi-calmly dragged along for the ride, being taken to who-knows-where by a raging fifteen-feet-long rapid.

Take THAT Subway, you and your five foot long sandwiches!

* * *

At the perfectly rebuilt Scarlet Devil Ark, Remilia and her mismatched pirate sister Flandre are waiting for their lunch to be served.

While they wait, the bat-winged vampire looks around suspiciously and says "I'm telling you Flan, there's someone conspiring against us! We have to be EXTRA careful!"

The adorable blonde vampire flaps her hand in the air while rolling her eyes and says "onee-chan is losing her head. Calm down already. We know it was Patchy that made it go kaboom."

As she says this, the tray with her food marches in front of her and places itself on the ground, where the adorable one sits and starts to much down without thinking much about it.

The elder sister sighs then says "that is the excuse. A convenient way to explain the action that happened, but I know better. This is all a conspiracy, and when I catch the one who did it, I'm going to change their fate to having a dog for a father!"

As she says this, an elegant tray with a small plate with little food sets itself elegantly on the armrests of the mistress' chair, and without thinking much about it the elder Scarlet elegantly chows down.

The younger sister licks her hands from the red sauce and smacks her lips, then says "look, whatever happened, happened. Besides, worrying about these things is so unlike you. It's like you're out of character or something."

As she says this, the empty tray rises from the ground and marches away, then is quickly replaced by a marching cup of whipped cake with red sauce on a small plate, which sets itself in front of the adorable girl, whom squeals with glee at the sight.

Remilia sighs and shakes her head, then says "look who's talking. Lately you've been acting like a mature lady, then suddenly switch back to being a ten-year-old psycho bitch. Really Flan, you need to make up your mind."

As she says this, the tray with the little bit of food left slides off the armrests and marches away, then is replaced by another tray with red tea and cake.

After taking the last bite of her whipped cake, the adorable Flandre replies "hey, at least I'm trying here. You think it's easy to change like that? Besides, what will my fans think if they find out I'm a lady, and no longer that adorable blood-craving monster in the dark room?"

Remilia raises an eyebrow while watching her sister sitting on the floor instead of the small table, but sips on her tea in preference to pointing that out.

After she places the empty cup next to the half-eaten cake, the elder vampire says "well, I guess you have a point there. Still, it's very nice to be able to talk to you and get a nice response, and not a dark death threat or a pointless giggle."

To this, Flandre giggles (irony) while Remilia's tray marches off to its cart.

Said food cart starts moving toward the door, so Remilia jumps off her chair and blocks its path, then demands "what the hell's the meaning of this? I never gave the order to have automatic food serving trays and remote controlled food ca-"

The abrupt pause in the sentence feels strange to Flandre, who gets up and walks to her sister, asking "onee-chan, what happened?"

The elder vampire starts flapping her wings slowly and gradually increases the speed, stops and stands stiff, points downward, then stammers "SA-SA-SA-SAKU?"

Her eyes hide under a thick shadow, she holds her chest, she drops on her knees, then exclaims "d-dammit! My... black heart! HHHHNNNNGGG~!"

The mistress has fallen on the ground, dripping blood from her nose while smiling blissfully, and from the front of the cart a young girl exclaims "YYYYYES~! I did it! Take that my lady! HA-HA~!"

Flandre walks over to the cart with a curious look on her face, which turns to shock the second she sees it.

Sakuya Izayoi has become a five year old child in body, and is looking up at Flandre with an adorable little scowl, her lips shaped like triangles and her oversized maid's outfit makes her look twice as adorable.

The already-adorable vampire holds her chest and exclaims "shit, so cute! S-Sakuya, what happened?"

Sakuya raises her little hands, swinging her oversized sleeves in the air while exclaiming "Patchouli was right! You two are lolicons! Take THAT! How does it feel huh? HAHAHA~! Take the cuteness!"

Meiling rushes into the room, bangs the door open, then exclaims "I heard screams! What happened? My lady, are you dead?"

When the sexy gate guard with the exposed left leg and rather revealing striped shirt takes a look at the little Sakuya, her nose explodes with blood, she rockets right through the ship's ceiling, then quickly drops down portside (left), making a very loud splash on the clouds which comes with a violent ripple on the glistening sky, which causes all ships to rock around, which in turn causes all the girls to run to the sides of their ships and throw up many pretty danmaku formations.

* * *

Meanwhile, right below the Scarlet Ark, Reimu and company have just finished eating their main course, and alongside Rumia, whom invited herself and somehow didn't have to pay for her extravagant meal, they are now waiting for dessert.

Reimu turns to face the stage where the three mischievous little fairies are sprawled on the floor, panting with exhaustion, while the Prismrivers and Mystia continue with "Phantom Ensemble" and looking as energetic as when they started.

The shrine maiden silently cheers by raising her hands in the air and waving them around and with a smile on her face so angelical it's making Rika blush. At that very moment Rinnosuke approaches the table carrying three dessert plates, and to his right with two more plates is Tokiko.

She has white hair with blue highlights, a pair of small horns, a small red wing crest on her head, red eyes, large red wings with white feathers, and is wearing a black waitress's dress with a cute blue apron around her skirt.

They place the plates with small bowls filled with ice cream in front of each girl, bow, and Rinnosuke says "please enjoy the ice cream. It's an excellent treat from the outside world."

Marisa blushes as she stares at the man's eyes, then says "s-say Kourin, would you... like to share-" but long before she finishes the seemingly uninterested man holds Tokiko's hand in a very gentle manner and walks away toward the shop-er, restaurant.

In a second something inside Marisa's head explodes, and with green glowing eyes she sneaks under the table and moves on the ground on all fours as though mimicking some sort of lizard.

Noticing this, the shrine maiden forgets her ice cream and walks toward the magically-rebuilt-to-perfection restaurant's back after Marisa.

While the messy Rumia gobbles away her and Marisa's ice cream, Tenshi explores her own with her silver spoon, while Rika looks back to Reimu and asks "my lady, what's the matter?"

A large pink object crashes on to the table and quickly explodes so violently, Tenshi, Rumia and Rika are sent flying away, and the shockwave of the explosion causes the three fairies to explode, followed by Mystia, who becomes a mess of fluttering feathers, after that the Prismriver sisters shrug while looking at each other and fly away as though nothing happened.

The celestial in hot short shorts coughs as she slowly gets up, then looks around herself and notices all the ice cream has fallen all over the grass and dirt. Rage points +10.

She rubs her head and looks up to the sky while asking "what the hell was that? Who attacked us?"

As she says this here eyes adjust to the sight of the four warring ships above her head. Rage points +50 (in gold).

At that moment Kaguya gets up from the ground where the table for four plus one more was and says "ugh, that red-haired bitch. Shooting me out of a cannon. Wait till' I get my hands on her braided hair."

Tenshi walks past the Lunarian princess while frantically looking around for something, then gasps as she holds her head and exclaims "RIKA!"

She rushes to the maid's side, drops on her knees, and while combing Rika's bangs with her hand she desperately whispers "Rika! Rika! I'm here. Your Tenshi is here! Please speak to me!"

The shrine maid opens her eyes weakly flaps her wings, then softly says "Tenshi... so cute. I saw the light Tenshi. I'm going into the light."

The maid collapses on the celestial's lady-like yet strong arms and while said blue haired girl cries out loud, the maid starts snoring softly.

Placing her fallen friend on the ground, the celestial glares at the Lunarian princess, making her squeak and flinch, then the annoying celestial hops to her feet says "you have nice a complexion... but mine is BETTEEEEEERRRRR~!"

Power surrounds the aura of the celestial as she looks up to the ships, then flies away. Rage points +10,406 (in blood red).

Kaguya watches as the girl flies away, then turns her head to the sleeping unconscious maid and stares for a bit.

She admires those gorgeous pearls rising on the chest, that shapely curve underneath that large ribbon, those soft-looking small wings, that perfect complexion and that adorable face, then looks away with a flushed face and says "she's so cute! Dammit, I want some of that!"

Before she can attack she realizes she's being watched by three mischievous fairies and one Rumia, who is also licking the ice cream from the grass.

The Lunarian princess clears her throat, recovers her usual composure, and from behind her Yuyuko sympathetically says "I know, I know. Just hold on and you'll get your chance. Same thing happened with You-"

The rest was cut down by the half-ghost girl in green.

* * *

At the Palanquin, Suwako has finally been freed from her punishment, and is now enjoying the breeze as it caresses her face and flings her hair in an endless dance.

That flinging hair starts smacking her check and getting into her nose, thus ending her blissful moment in a raging fit to hold down her own hair.

After the evil hair settles down she again regains her blissful look and says "ahh, so peaceful. It's like... **I'm the boss**!"

From her left a girl shout "I'M THE BOSS~!" creating a powerful echo that reaches all the way to the Youkai Mountain, where Kanako is currently having a relaxing bubble bath with a pair of wrinkle & age-reducing cucumbers on her face, probably to try and hide her crow's feet.

She quickly spring up and a raging fit, the bubble coincidentally cover her unmentionables, though her massive boobs are hard to cover, then shouts at me "you stupid writer bastard, when I get out of this bath you're going to WISH you were never born!"

Moving back to the Palanquin as fast as we can, Suwako is looking to her left and stares at this adorable girl.

She has short dark-teal hair, dark-teal eyes, a pair of large brown yamabiko ears on her head, and wears a pink robe that's tattered on the bottom border, a pair of light-reddish-brown boots, and is holding a bamboo broom on her hands.

The adorable girl stares back at the goddess, then smiles and says "it's me lady Suwako. Kyouko? Kyouko Kasodani! I thought we already passed this intro thing."

Suwako looks up to the sky to read a few paragraphs before this one and says "no look, the author got lazy and didn't write your introduction. He only made you parrot Shou. Man, what a lazy ass."

Kyouko looks around, starts to shiver, then asks "um... wh-what are you talking about. L-let's be careful with what you say, ok?"

Satori walks by and casually waves at the girls, but rapidly regains her usual seemingly-uncaring demeanor and says "the yamabiko is right missis Suwako. You are treading down dangerous roads."

The satori youkai is now surrounded by bananas, and she is now floating on a banana boat down a banana pudding river, and to top it off, the river becomes a large waterfall that's dropping inside a large cave.

The poor girl screams as she tries to fly, but ends up falling into the pudding and is now trying to swim toward the bananas on the edge.

She grabs one and holds on for dear life, but it peels off and the maiden screams as she falls down the puddingfall and into the cave.

Back in reality, the satori youkai lies on her side on the floor and twitches while mumbling in fright.

A young voice asks "wow, did you do that to her?"

Suwako quickly replies "I have no idea what hap- WHOA!"

Instead of Kyouko, to the goddess' left is the tiny terror hologram of young Byakuren, and she's holding a small silver rod on her right hand.

She grins as she looks at Suwako, shakes the little rod, then grins viciously while asking "ready for round two froggy?"

The goddess is already running toward the bowels of the ship while screaming "she wants to do things to meeeee!"

Ichirin opens the doors to the lower parts of the ship just as Suwako runs by and asks "hey, what's going on up here?"

The nun lays eyes on the adorably deceiving little Byakuren and says "aww, it's just you, you adorable little hologram you. Come on now, come with auntie Ichirin so I can take you back to your room."

Holding the silver rod behind her back, the tiny terror smiles angelically and giggles, then runs to the nun and jumps on her arms.

The light-blue haired girl giggles as she holds the tiny Byakuren and scratches her head, then walks back inside the ship, unaware of the danger she's exposing her body to.

Exactly three seconds after the door closes, Ichirin's voice can be heard echoing all over the sky, then it's quickly accompanied by the evil giggles of the tiny terror.

* * *

Later that day, above the clouds of Gensokyo, Tenshi looks down at the four ships with scorn.

She has tired her hair into one long braid tied at the bottom with a peach-clip and is wearing a pair of small, round, lilac-shaded sunglasses.

Around her waist on a lose black belt she has two white guns sheathed to either side, and for some reason the addition of this belt makes her shorts look even shorter, giving her a much more appealing and sexier look.

Perhaps compensation for her lack of stuffing up north, or maybe it's something else, but regardless I refuse to make her wear a tank-top.

The celestial looks up at nowhere and scowls as she says "damned bastard. I'm hot and you know it!"

A rope from the skies drops in front of her and the celestial grabs it without a second thought, holds it with both hands, then jumps down, quietly swinging down to the ships.

The rope seems to stop its course but the celestial isn't fazed and just uses the momentum of the flick to the rope to start a summersault descent on the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's deck.

The girls on the ship all gasp at the loud thud of the sexy landing of the hot-legged celestial on said deck, who doesn't break through the bamboo flooring, then Eirin shouts "we're under attack! Scatter you hairy roaches!"

Before the girls can react, Tenshi stands up and looks to her immediate right to greet Sanae.

The maiden wears green mono-shades, an armored body suit in purple and dark blue, has a large arm-cannon on her right arm, there's a small separation on the armor between the torso and lower abdomen, but regardless the girl looks sexy badass.

Note that underneath that armor, noticeable in the armor's separation, the maiden is wearing a hot and tight white leotard that challenge's Eirin's in sexiness.

Eirin, Yumemi, Maribel, Renko, Agava, Rikako and Wriggle all gasp at the same time, but before orders can be issued, Sanae charges her arm cannon and Tenshi unsheathes her two guns, to which Eirin quickly reacts and shouts "CALORIE PACKED SWEETNEEEEEES~!"

The girls scramble and scream as the celestial without facial expressions starts shooting white chocolate chips out of her guns and the cool-shades maiden unleashes a massive chocolate cake with cherries and sprinkles on the dark chocolate icing, followed promptly by smaller pieces of chocolate and vanilla cakes in rapid succession.

Maribel is the first to get a piece of vanilla cake on the face and falls on the floor on her back.

She slowly recovers and sits up, smacking her lips and enjoying the taste of five-thousand-calories vanilla cake in her mouth, then she gasps and her eyes fill with horror upon the realization.

The blond girl sniffles, a tear rolls down her left cheek and she screams "I just gained five pooouunnds~!"

Renko rushes to aid her friend, crying at the sight of the blond girl on the ground with delicious cake on the lips and says "no, no, don't cry Mary! You're still beautiful! You are still beautiful!"

Meanwhile, the celestial rolls to the left while the armored maiden walks to the right, both showering the ship with sweets of all kinds.

Tenshi goes as far as to take a peach-paste filled doughnut, unplug the hole where it was stuffed, then throws it at the helm where she sees Wriggle's antennas.

The bug youkai screeches and cries for help while Eirin and Yumemi hide behind the farthest mast, where the red-haired scientist desperately asks "what should we do? We can't repel such sweetness with danmaku or cannonballs!"

The Lunarian bites her thumb while scratching her sexy and perfectly slim belly, then commands "dammit, RELEASE THE CREATURES!"

Right in front of Sanae, dome-shaped creatures with transparent bodies and massive pincers for mouths appear in attack formation.

The maiden just grunts, her arm-cannon spreads open, then she sternly says "eat triple-fudge frozen brownie goodness.", and like rockets, cups with chocolate ice cream flies toward the creatures.

The monsters screech contently at the sight of the chocolaty goodness, place on bibs, and the second those frozen treats hit they all expand rapidly and blow up hard.

Meanwhile, a large tiger with an ornamental lotus on its head attacks Tenshi, who unloads an unholy amount of chips at but doesn't really affect the creature.

The sexy-legged celestial rolls away just as the tiger pounces her, sheathes her guns in mid-roll, takes a bazooka out of the back of her small-small shorts, then shoots a crème-covered lemon sherbet on a plate.

The tiger roars in surprise, opens its mouth, explodes violently, and now lies on the ground with a content look on its face.

The celestial and maiden exchange stern glances, then Tenshi flips a thumb up and says "to the next level.", while Sanae just nods in assent and summersaults away, turning into a ball of lightning, while the celestial swings on another random rope toward the Palanquin.

* * *

At that very same moment, inside Remilia's room in the Scarlet Demon Ark, Sakuya stands by the door in her regular form and normal maid's outfit and with a sad face, while Remilia has her back turned to the maid and is wearing a long wine colored cloak and her usual pink hat.

The maid flinches when her mistress abruptly flaps her wings, then says "I-I'm sorry my lady. I didn't mean to-"

A glass cup flies from Remilia's hand and smashes against the wall, and after getting the maid's attention the vampire slowly and sternly says "I am... quite disappointed in you Sakuya Izayoi. To blatantly attack me in such manner and use Patchy as a shield. I... am dis**gusted!**"

The maid flinches at the sudden rise of voice from her mistress and now her face turns sadder, to the point that a tear escapes her left eye as she thinks "_I have wronged my mistress. Why the hell did I do that? Oh what a fool! My lady, please forgive me!_"

Looking to the floor, the maid opens her mouth to try and speak, but the vampire mistress cuts her off and says "but this time I have to admit- This time I was at wrong here too, Sakuya. For that I want to apologize."

Both moved by the kind words of her mistress and disgusted by her own action the elegant maid cries out "no! My lady I am not worthy! Please don't apologize to this backstabbing maid!"

The mistress quickly shouts "SILENCE!" then holds her own forehead while saying "I said I apologize, sure, but I didn't say you weren't getting out of this unpunished."

The maid can see a bright light emanate from the back of her awesome mistress, and smiles blissfully while exclaims "you are so great my lady~!"

The vampire turns sideways to show the maid her victory grin and says "alright then Sakuya! PREPARE FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT!"

She pulls off her wine colored robe to reveal a most revealing outfit gracing her royal-vampire skin.

She's wearing a red chocker with pink frills on the borders and a silver ring that links to a red frilly ribbon that covers the vampires bare chest, and said ribbon is attached by a black garter belt, and her nether-region is covered by what looks like a simple and thin red belt.

Her arms are covered by pink handless arm-gloves, her wrists are adorned by red wrist cuffs, her legs are covered by pink thigh-highs with red bands around the upper thigh, and she's also wearing high-heeled red shoes, and as a plus, only the black garter belt covers the vampire's back, but for rating purposes I'll have to leave how much or how little it actually covers to your own imagination.

The vampire is also holding a whip on her right hand, and after cracking it hard she shouts "now COME ON!"

How sorry Remilia Scarlet must be feeling right about now.

Her maid has literally jumped right out of her uniform and tackled her mistress to the ground with a blissful smile and a blushing face and happily shouts "ITADAKIMASU~!"

Outside the room are Flandre, Meiling and Patchouli, and all gasp in unison when they hear Remilia screaming "what are you doing you perverted maid? No, NO! Not there! Aaahh~ Someone save mee~!"

Sakuya laughs manically and says "I'm sorry, you can kill me later! Just let me have this dish! Please just this much!"

The librarian gulps and asks "so aren't you going in there gate guard?"

Meiling shakes her horrified face while making an "x" with her arms and says "oh way, NO WAY! She's going to rape me too if I go in there now!"

The librarian sighs as she turns her sights to Flandre who looks to the floor with a flushed face and says "I-I can't. Sakuya-onee-chan will have me again. I... I don't want to play house-maid again!"

The little vampire covers her eyes and she and the gate guard quickly hold each other and cry away, all while the purple bean sprout stares at them with sheer horror in her eyes.

Remilia's screams get louder and louder and the thumps coming from the room get louder, then said librarian shivers and says "and here I was complaining about Koakuma the other night. Jeez, what should we-"

The screams within become so loud that the girls outside huddle together in fear. Remilia screams "Sakuya. N-no! I SAID DON- Ahh, _ahh_... **AAAHHHHHH~!**"

The maid's cackles mix with the mistress' screams, terrifying the girls just outside the room, then everything stops.

The doorknob turns, the door bangs open, and out comes Remilia, wearing her pirate hat and outfit and the most satisfied smile ever on her face, and she also seems to be shining brightly, so brightly that the corridor illuminates with her presence.

The mistress looks around with that satisfied smile of hers, notices Meiling huddled with Flandre and Patchouli, then says "ah, girls. What a lovely day, isn't it? Say could you do me a favor? There's something quite disgusting in that room, so please pick it up and make sure it's clean before the next scene."

The little sister breaks away from the huddle to hug her sister and cries "onee-chan you're alright! I thought Sakuya had done terrible things to you!"

Remilia twitches at the mentioning of her maid's name and says "well, it was a tough fight Flan, but I have taught her the reason why **I** am the mistress and **she's** just a lowly **maid**!"

Inside the room the silver-haired maid lies unconscious on her stomach, naked on a pool of her own sweat and tears, yet she smiles and chuckles even though she looks drained and devoid of any energy at all.

* * *

At the Palanquin, Tenshi and Sanae bombard the deck with chocolate cakes, lemon tarts, doughnuts, and chocolate chips of several shapes sizes and colors.

As expected, Minamitsu is putting up one hell of a fight with her anchor at hand, deflecting the sweet attacks headed her way and maintaining her athletic figure.

Kyouko and the red-haired fairy on the other hand have succumbed to the deliciousness of the calories and have eaten so much they lie on their backs side-by-side with satisfied smiles.

Nazrin is using Kogasa and her umbrella as a shield to try and get close to the attacker, but whenever she's close enough Sanae bombards them with missile ice creams.

Finally, Byakuren and Shou are using their holy powers to deflect all the sweets and make sure they fall neatly onto a table or a plastic bag for either later consumption or sharing with the villagers and earning more human-points for the temple.

The hot-shorts celestial and the sexy semi-armored maiden aren't fazed at all and just continue their relentless attack, moving forward bit by bit using mostly their basic weaponry.

The Palanquin's captain looks at the Buddhist magician and shouts "Hijiri, what should we do? If this keeps up we'll end up like that sexy doctor's ship!"

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the girls groan and moan as they lie on their backs all over the deck.

Renko's face is smeared in chocolate and her thighs look swollen and pudgy, while Maribel has a mixture of ice cream and raspberry jelly all over her being and seems has grown some jelly rolls.

Wriggle holds her stomach while licking the sweetness of vanilla from her other hand, and seems her breasts have swollen a bit while Rikako looks ready to pule with a bloated chin.

Eirin and Yumemi lie adjacent to each other with cream all over their hands and faces, and the Lunarian has only grown a bit of a belly while the scientist grew a pair of thunder thighs.

Standing in place and eating away to her heart's content is Agava.

She silently stares at her fallen comrades and says "eh, I'll walk this off. Come and join me if you want, you crybabies."

Back at the Palanquin, Minamitsu stares around in disbelief and says "such detailed gore.", then looks around more sternly and shouts "Nazrin, Kogasa, careful with the scones! Those are- Shit, too late!"

The two girls lie sprawled on the ground next to several chocolate-filled scones, and although pained they continue to eat the unbearably sweet sweets.

After seeing this, Minamitsu shouts "Hijiri, where's Ichirin? We need Unzan here!"

The sexy magician shouts back "I haven't seen her all day!"

Somewhere in the bowels of the ship, the tiny-terror Byakuren chases after one terrified kero-chan, who despite all her hopping, can't seem to get far from the little hologram.

The goddess now finds herself cornered between a wall and the girl and cries "g-get away from me! I'm not a toy!"

The little bell-skirted girl walks closer as she stares vilely and sinisterly says "well I don't care. My other toy broke down so you'll have to do until she's back on her feet."

The little girl gets closer to the frog-goddess and all Suwako can do is scream along the girls evil giggles, all while Ichirin lies on the floor with foam on her mouth and two blank ovals for eyes.

As for Unzan, he's currently on vacation and refuses to answer the phone.

Back on the deck, Minamitsu and Byakuren, the only remaining girls that can actually stand, are currently pinned to the ground while pointed at by Tenshi and Sanae right on the face.

Frustrated and scared Minamitsu shouts "why? Why are you doing this? This is inhumane!"

Byakuren sobs and asks "Namusan. Sa-Sanae why are you doing this?"

The celestial lifts her glasses while shooting a dirty look at the captain, then says "you killed my Rika. This is REVENGE!"

The maiden smiles, presses a button on her awesome shades, they seem to disappear to show the rage in the maiden's eyes and she says "my sweetheart! He's been missing all day, so I came to take him back! What sort of cannon you got him into this time?"

The sexy monk-magician quickly replies "but miss Rika isn't dead! She came by to bring some banana pudding earlier! And miss Sanae, I swear we haven't kidnapped Ail this time, I swear!"

The celestial and maiden look at each other, Sanae reactivates her shades, then Tenshi says "alright, we believe you. However I fail to see Rika anywhere..."

The green-haired maiden continues "and you HAVE kidnapped my Ail before... so-"

Without further chatter, the celestial places a well-whipped, strawberry-adorned, chocolate-drizzled cream cake on a plate between the two girls and says "you still get to pay for your misdeeds, miss saint and miss ship-ghost. Toddles."

The maiden becomes a ball of lightning once again and that rope mysteriously appears in front of the celestial, then they rush away while Byakuren and Minamitsu set their eyes on the cream cake and start to drool a bit.

They look at each other, wipe the drool of their own faces with their forearms, then nod and jump to their feet, but the cake splits in to and the pieces magically fly straight toward their mouths, and the sound of the splatter echoes through the sky.

* * *

At the same time, down at the re-restored Kourindou, Marisa stares with green eyes at Tokiko and Rinnosuke as said man laughs with the youkai while helping her do the dishes.

Parsee hides behind some bushes and grins wide while enjoying the witch's jealousy, but her manipulation of said emotion is making it worse and the black-and-white is biting hard on her own hat and pulling it down, stretching the fabric until it tears a bit.

Reimu silently approaches her friend from behind, pokes her shoulder, and after Marisa turns around with a yelp, the maiden looks on with concern and moves her hands around as though gesturing a conversation.

Marisa replies "why am I spying on them? Because... um I'm... er, concerned for Kourin. Sh-she's a youkai after all."

The maiden stares with disbelief, places a hand on her friend's shoulder, then shakes her head while clicking her tongue.

The witch exclaims "je-je-jealous? Me? O-of that youkai? NO WAY!"

The red-and-white's expression suddenly changes to alert and she quickly drops to the ground on her stomach, allowing something pink and white to fly straight to the witch's face and splat itself on impact.

The shrine maiden screeches at the sight of her friend knocked to the ground with something pink and white on the face, kneel's beside said girl, then shakes her shoulders hard.

Rinnosuke runs out of the store shouting "hey, what's with all the melodramatic screaming?"

When he looks at the teary maiden's eyes he blushes, calms down, then says "oh, it's Reimu. Sorry I didn't mean to shout like that. It's just so much screaming... What happened?"

The seemingly silent red and white flails her arms around and whimpers, to which the man nods in assent and ends up saying "so Marisa was spying on me, you were trying to get her to stop, but then this cake came out of nowhere and hit her on the face? Well, this is Gensokyo, so it can happen."

The maiden raises an eyebrow the second the realization hits her, but it isn't after Kirisame mumbles "uhm. Sweet... calories... belly" that she decides to taste the cake for herself.

She swipes a finger across Marisa's forehead, takes a good chunk of strawberry cake with icing, drools a bit, then takes the bite.

The next scene is just unbearably adorable!

The maiden moans contently as the sweetness takes over her pallets.

A light glow shines behind her as she hugs herself on the left, clasps her hands to the right, wriggles around excitedly, then ends up by holding her face with both hands while smiling exceedingly contently, cooing loudly while she does.

She opens her eyes to find Rinnosuke face-up on the floor and gushing blood out his nose, Rumia shivering with a flushed face to his right, Tokiko and Mystia hugging each other while staring blankly at the maiden, and Rika blushes hard while lying on her stomach and resting her head on her hands as she stares at her mistress and says "my lady is so cute!"

Around them are the three mischievous fairies, and all seem ready to cry with excitement while bleeding through their noses, but it's Luna Child who is brave enough to take a wobbled step forward and ask "c-could you do that again. P-PLEASE?"

Reimu just smiles back so sweetly, Tokiko and Mystia blow up to become pillows, the three fairies faint on a pool of their mixed up blood, Rinnosuke's already dead, and Rika jumps up and exclaim "my lady, give me a HUG!"

Ignoring the shrine maid, the shrine maiden look up at the cream-covered S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the chocolate-filled Palanquin, and the steadily-getting-sprinkled Scarlet Demon Ark, then flies up toward the sweetness just as the maid jumps to hug her.

Rika lands on Marisa's stomach, ignores the loud "omph" from said witch, then uses the already bulged stomach of the black and white for impulse as she flies after her mistress and shouts "wait! My lady please, just a quick hug! **Please** I'll even give you a foot rub. PLEASE~!"

The witch springs on her seat and raises a fist in the air as she shouts "HEY, WATCH IT!", ignoring the dripping icing and crumbling cake on her face.

It doesn't take her long to notice the bulge growing in the middle of her body, take a deep breath, then wail "NOOOOOOO~~! Now I can't get Kourin~!"

The semi-dead silver haired storeowner with the bleeding nose walks over to the witch and says "now, now, don't cry Marisa. I like you either way."

The witch looks to her man through the mess of icing around her eyes, then cries out "don't look! I'm ugly, I'm UGLY~!", then pulls her Hakkero out of her apron's pocket and unleashes a hellish rainbow on the face of her favorite man for no understandable reason.

* * *

Flying above the ships Reimu can admire the damage caused by the sweets at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa and the Palanquin.

She gasps at the sight of Eirin and Maribel jogging on a treadmill while Renko, Rikako and Yumemi run laps around the deck while Wriggle keeps eating the sweets around the ship and grow her chest some more.

The maiden looks to the Palanquin and whimpers at the sight of Byakuren's pudgy face and arms, Minamitsu's bloated belly and hips, Shou and her fairy's expanded calves and crying faces, and Kogasa, Nazrin and Kyouko pulling down on their skirts due to their butts having grown a few sizes.

The red and white steels herself a stern face as she sets her sights on the Scarlet Demon Ark, but gasps upon the realization that she is too late.

On the deck are Remilia, Flandre and Sakuya sprawled on their back on a pool of raspberry filling, Meiling crying as she continues eating lemon tarts uncontrollably, even though her hips and thighs keep growing, Patchouli has cheesecake all over her chest and is moaning as though in pain, and Koakuma, fully bloated and crying with chocolate smeared all over her mouth.

Reimu clenches her fist with justful fury, then locks her eyes on the Unnamed Ghost Ship, where she finds Tenshi and Sanae shooting sweets right inside Yuyuko's mouth.

Both seem to be quite worried as they keep shooting and shooting, but the black-hole-stomach princess of the Netherworld keeps coming for more and more.

Unlike the ship's captain, Kimi, Kali, Lily and Chen have already been knocked unconscious by blueberry pies with whipped cream topping, and seems the fairy and nekomata were caught during yet another epic battle.

The maiden shakes her head; this is no time to be thinking of little details like that.

She HAS to stop the green-haired armored maiden and the ship-raiding short-panted celestial before it's too late.

The red and white lands dramatically behind the sweets-gunning girls, lifts herself up with her fist raised chest high, then points with that fist at the attacking girls and an awesomeness gust of wind blows toward the mentioned girls, successfully getting their attention.

Sanae gasps and exclaims "what do you mean '_stop this now_?' It's because you didn't stop these fools that we're doing this!"

Tenshi quickly adds "they killed Rika! Doesn't that mean anything to you-wait what the HECK?"

The shrine maid is hugging the still-pointing Hakurei from behind, moaning contently and flapping her wings very rapidly while rubbing her cheeks against her mistress' and says "my lady is so cute, so adorable, so perfect! I love miss Reimu!"

The celestial and green-haired maiden stare in disgust and disbelief, ignoring Yuyuko who keeps asking "aren't you going to shoot at me anymore?", then the blue-haired sexy-legged badass exclaims "KYAH~! Rika is ALIVE! And she's hugging Reimu? DIE MAIDEN!"

As soon as the celestial starts shooting Sanae exclaims "stop flirting and give my Ail-kun back!", then shoots a charged chocolate pudding-filled cheesecake toward the maiden.

Reimu grabs Rika by the hips and throws her upward, takes a spoon form her left pocket, and using her mighty weapon she scoops the chocolate chips and powerful cheesecake and eats it all in three bites, twirls her sizzling spoon on her hand, then gestures with her left hand for more while smiling confidently.

The attackers flinch and gasp, just like the ghost princess this maiden isn't falling, and what's worst they are running out of icing.

Regardless these girls are going to fight on and aim their weapons at the maiden and her hugging maid, then IT happens.

From portside (left) Chiyuri shouts "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!", and there she is, wearing- WHAT THE HELL? I didn't give her THIS!

She's wearing a pair of mean-looking glasses, a tight black body-suit with yellow stripes on the sides of her arms, legs and torso, and has a LARGE crescent-shaped opening by the chest, and a large diamond-shaped opening at the back, probably as compensation for something else.

"I'll kill you someday Willie" says the desperate blonde.

Under the arms there's what looks like a long extension of the suit that just dangles down to the ground, and even though this pig-tailed blonde has no boobs, her hips, thighs and buns make up a rather nicely curvy shape.

"I HEARD THAT" shouts the blonde.

She's also wearing high heels, but those things will mess her back so...

The high heels become normal shoes, and that's when she sighs and says "phew, much better", but gets hit in the face by a pair of exploding apple pies and sent flying right off the deck of the ship.

Mima flies toward the rails of the ship, looks down, shakes her head while clicking her tongue, then says "man, even when she gets a break she just messes it up."

* * *

With the distraction gone, the celestial and green-haired maiden turn their attention to the red and white, and from behind them Yuyuko cries "come on, why not shoot at me? I'm the captain!"

To the princess' left, sounding a bit annoyed, Youmu says "lady Yuyuko, if you keep eating more of those sweets you'll blow."

A quick expression of confusion escapes the whimsical ghost as she realizes her breasts have grown ten times their own size, and moans sadly when she finds herself doing jumping-jacks along with Kimi, Kali, Lily and Chen, and although all seem slim, closer inspection reveals their thighs, buns and chins have bloated, particularly Kimi's chin.

Ignoring the exercising girls the celestial and mecha-miko shoot several cupcakes, milk-shakes, cake slices and sprinkles at the red and white maiden.

Said maiden is now wielding two spoons and is eating every single sweet shot directed at her without pause, even going as far as eating the ones headed toward Rika.

Sanae screams "she's not gaining WEIGHT! How the hell is she keeping her figure?"

Tenshi screams "just keep shooting! We'll ask her as soon as she's-"

**SCREEEEEEECH~! **

**SLAMMO!**

The celestial is hit by something solid and sent flying hard against the ship's mast while Yoshika screams in her invisible car, which seems to be skidding around and out of control.

The car stops, the jiang shi opens the door and hops out and away from the car with her arms stretched out in front of herself as she pants, then said car explodes violently.

Yoshika tries to swipe her forehead as she sighs with relief but can't, then says "man that was close! Who knew riding on overdrive for six hours without stop would make it blow up like that."

She looks to Sanae and says "oh hi, I'm hungry. Can you feed me?"

The jiang shi jumps at the semi-armored sexy maiden, but after a quick screech said sexy maiden aims her cannon at the zombie and shoots at the very same time that zombie girl wraps her mouth around said cannon.

The maiden screams "wait, stop, stop!" as Yoshika sucks out absolutely all she can eat and more, and just like that Sanae screams, her armor falls apart and she falls on her back to the floor.

The red and white gasps and whines anxiously after the stiff zombie hops after Sanae herself, but before this turns to a story of blood and gore, from starboard (right) side Kotohime shouts "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Yoshika Miyako, you are under arrest for seventy charges of speeding, one hundred charges of hit-and-run, that's INCLUDING ME, and five charges for singing the Chin-Chin song to the toddlers at Keine's school."

The jiang shi sweats as she smiles nervously, then says "dang, and I thought I escaped."

The police-princess straps cuffs on the stiff hands of the zombie and Yoshika adds "oh well, at least I had a good meal. Say, where are we anyway? Who are you miss lady?"

Reimu sighs with relief as she swipes her forehead with the back of her hand, turns back to smile at Rika and flips a thumb up, then looks at Sanae and blushes beet red at the sight.

There she is, Sanae Kochiya, shrine maiden of Moriya, wearing nothing more than just a white tight leotard that even marks her belly button.

She lies on her back with her hands above her head, her hair is spread all around her head and some strands are tangled around her left arm and lie on her mouth, her ample pearl-shaped bosom shapes itself perfectly against the stretchy tight fabric of the outfit she wears, and her bare left leg is slightly risen.

Water out of nowhere splashes on the semi-conscious maiden and all she does is moan and stretch her torso a bit, and this leave Reimu with round white marble eyes, beet-red cheeks, a gaping drooling mouth, and a hard-thumping heart.

As the red and white gets closer to her sexy rival, the sound of a screeching hawk stops her on her tracks to look up.

There's the shadow and silhouette of some sort of giant bird or maybe a dragon flying over the two maidens, and it keeps screeching as though hungry for its prey.

The red and white places a hand over her eyes and squint her eyes for a better look but it's too late!

The creature swoops down with one loud screech and takes Sanae away.

It is Ail with his ethereal dragon wings activated and an anxious, desperate stare and blushing cheeks, and as soon as he picks his prey and carries her princess-style the maid screams "KYAAAAAH~ He's going to eat me!"

She pauses for a moment, and more naughtily says "mmm, he's going to eat me!" and so the two disappear in the distance, hiding from the world as they do... whatever it is they are going to do.

Reimu and Rika watch as they fly away toward the sunset and the maid asks "wow, a dragon-hawk. So what do you think they are going to do?"

The red and white turns around with a flushed face and is about to explain, then a washtub falls between her and the maid and breaks through the floor of the ship.

Somehow the vessel loses control and veers over to the Scarlet Demon Ark.

The ark turns around and crashes against the Palanquin's portside which makes the ship somehow move full-speed forward to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and as the ships slowly sink into the clouds Rika carries Reimu like a princess and blushes and smiles wide as her mistress coos happily and rubs her cheeks against her maid's, probably in thanks.

* * *

That night, at the Hakurei Shrine, the girls are paying reverence to Reimu, while the maiden-in-the-spotlight shakes her head and arms around.

Agava walks to the red and white's side and says "why are they bowing like idiots? Well you ate an unholy lot of sweets from those cannons and guns, and still look perfectly slim."

Reimu stares at Agava and her perfectly athletic figure, then the shadow girls says "me? Oh no, I ate all I could and then some. I just happen to not really give a damn and just eat, then I exercise without whining about it. It's fairly simple."

The maiden claps her hands together as she shoots a very endearing smile, on that makes even the shadow youkai blush and look away to avoid doing something too rash.

As she scratches her left cheek while looking away from Reimu, the girl says "y-yeah I do take good care of myself. Um... thanks."

Meanwhile, at the hot spring beside the shrine, Kaguya and Sakuya argue fiercely while Remilia and Rika watch on with purple cheeks.

Kaguya shouts "...but I already PLANNED on having that Rika in the spring and I am a PRINCESS! Take your little child elsewhere!"

Sakuya shouts back "my lady looks CUTE in her tiny swimsuit, so OF COURSE I would want to see her inside the springs! You take Rika to your bamboo whatever and stay there!"

From the water, Ail angrily says "hey, you're ruining the mood. Either get in or shut up and go away!"

Sanae angrily adds "don't make me go psycho maiden on all your asses!"

The princess and maid screech at the sight of the two naked lovers inside the hot springs holding each other so close together.

Said princess gasps and shouts "you evil BOY! Get out of there before you stain the water with your boyish smell!", at the same time as the maid gasps and shouts "you disgusting little freaks! You'll taint the water for my lady!"

Rika shivers as she nervously says "um, I don't know what this is about, so I'll just go to my lady."

Equally nervous Remilia says "um, I'll just ask thunder-belly Patchy to make another fake beach or something so why don't we just go home for now Sakuya?"

The princess and maid simultaneously shout "SHUT IT!", then turn to Ail and Sanae only to find Patchouli and Koakuma to their far right, also naked and inside the hot spring and looking slender again; ah the wonders of gag writing.

The purple bean sprout angrily asks "who's a thunder-belly now Remi?"

Before more questions are answered, Chiyuri, still in her tight black body-suit jumps from the sky and into the water while shouting "BANZAIIII!" splashing all the water right out of the hot springs and revealing Ail is wearing golden-brown swim trunks, Sanae a strapless white bikini, Patchouli a strapless pink swimsuit, and Koakuma... yea, the devil's naked alright, but the steam censors her more desirable parts.

The next morning Chiyuri cries as she digs deeper into the now-empty spring while Reimu silently blow steam out of her cute head and Mima angrily says "DIG LEMMING! DIG!"

Chiyuri cries "Willie G.R. you damned perverted bastard *sob*! I'll get you if it's the last thing I do!"

Water springs from the hole the blonde girl was digging from, then said girl excitedly cries "THANK YOU WILLIE~!"

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail and Agava were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was crated by Hydroviper

Referenced elements all belong to their respective owners

JUN 03 2011

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Yeah, I know. I'm a pervert. Oh and before I forget, the adorable mega-moe silent Reimu idea came from the artist: Sora no Amagumo  
**


	7. Chapter 7

The early morning is heavy with fog and rain clouds, and even the four ships high in the air, still looking as brand new as from chapter 1; even after so many crashes, and explosions, and attacks; are affected by this terrible weather.

Chiyuri, still wearing that tight, black, full-body leotard, and having stuffed her breasts with something to make them look bigger than they really are, sneaks out of the Palanquin's bowels with a brown bag on her hands.

She tip-toes toward the deck, when from behind, a girl demands "and who the heck are you, all dressed in black and showing me your crack through the fog like it's something I wanted to see? So disgusting!"

The blonde subordinate captain turns around to face a new girl, who wears a short pink, horizontal stripes shirt that covers her average chest, leaving her cute belly exposed, a yellow bandana over her orangey-red hair, which is tied with a white ribbon on the back and placed over her left shoulder, orange eyes, a short yellow short with a pink belt, and a pair of brown leather boots.

The truthfully flat blonde scowls at the girl and asks "what the heck? And who are you, little girl?"

The orange-haired girl takes a step forward to take a better look at the blonde, then says "name's Orange. I'm new at the temple in the main story. You know, that Sukima story thing where you barely appear. But here, I am also new... which makes this whole speech kind of pointless. Or is it?"

Chiyuri raises an eyebrow, pulls a toy-ish looking gun from her right pocket, then threateningly says "alright, **Orange**. Thanks for the pointless intro. It's taken up a few words space for Willie, and his hands must be hurting from it, but aside from that, if you even move an eyeball, I will shoot."

The youkai girl smiles, swings her arms in a circle around herself, blinks, drinks tea, uses her foot to scratch her head, reads a newspaper article, AND solves a complex equation for X, then says "what was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me ignoring you so bluntly!"

Kitashirakawa grins darkly as her right eye twitches and a vein pulsates on her forehead, then takes a furious breath and says "oh, you think you're being funny. Well, let's laugh together!"

She pulls the trigger, and just behind the belly-exposing girl, a massive explosion large enough to rip a boulder-sized hole on the ship, rocks the entire Palanquin, and now the blonde captain wannabe sweats nervously as the entire ship begins to split up like a puzzle, then says to herself "ohhh, I did not think that one through."

While the young-looking youkai stares unimpressed, Chiyuri takes off running to the front of the ship, and as she does, and the ship itself splits apart into random pieces, she focuses her eyes and time slows down.

She hops from piece to piece like an acrobat, then Lily Black, whom wears a very small top on her slightly smaller than average chest, a half-skirt that only covers her back, a black bikini bottom, black thigh-high socks, red knee-high boots, and a small red capelet, appears on the blonde's right with a vicious grin.

To both of those girls, the world moves slowly as they jump and run on vertical pieces of the ship, as if it where upright, then start swinging thin, rusty swords they pull out of their pockets at each other; even though neither has pockets to begin with.

They jump to the next piece of the ship, and although they are upside-down, they spin around with acrobatic moves, stretching those bodies and turning those curves while clashing swords.

They hop away from this platform as times moves normally once again, then run on vertical pieces of wood to escape a giant fireball that, not only breaks and consumes the pieces of the ship, but appears to be chasing them down.

The girls land on another large piece of the ship, clash swords, diagonally, vertically, miss their thrusts, then time slows once more as they jump to separate platforms to avoid the fireball Mokou roaring "**KAGUYAAAAAA,**" then Chiyuri flips her middle finger at Black, who does the same back to her, then she jumps off the piece of ship, and lands on her own.

"Ahh, I see you got your loot," comments Yumemi as she approaches her subordinate.

The twin-tailed blonde smiles like a child and nods, then, while rummaging through the sack, she triumphantly says "hells yea I did! With these, I shall have that Murasa bitch on the palm of my hand!"

She pulls a lilac bra (D-cup, which would be C-cup in the west), and opens her eyes wide while exclaiming "NO WAY! Does she really fill all of this up? This is impossible! Wait, lemme take another look in here!"

As she sinks herself into the sack, she remains unaware of Yumemi's distressed face, and the tall, dark, beautifully shaped womanly figure with glinting eyes standing behind her.

Chiyuri pulls a pair of black panties with transparent roses designed into a net-like fabric, stares at them while stretching the band, then says "wow, really nice taste! I wonder what else she's- What?"

After finally noticing Yumemi's face, her own face turns blue, a wriggled smile stretches from ear to ear, sweat starts rolling down her forehead, and in a rapid pace, she says "the **real** owner of these clothes is standing right behind me, her eyes are glinting, and I am going to be in so much pain, am I right?"

The redhead nods, salutes her captain, then takes seven exact steps backward.

Byakuren, who is wearing a silky sky-blue baby-doll under her open white robe, smiles sweetly as she stares down at the blonde with a dark, cold and ominous shadow over her narrowed eyes, and sweetly says "why thank you for that compliment, miss Kitashirakawa. But you know, what you have done is invasion of privacy. I don't really appreciate that."

Chiyuri turns around, shaking so bad, her pale skin is flaking off, and she shrieks "please, blame Willie G.R.! He's the author! He's even exposed your... *drools* sexy, **SEXY** getup!"

Behind the Youkhrist, the blonde can see Minamitsu hammering her ship back into once piece at a ridiculously fast pace, but her sight quickly returns to the sexy woman, who sweetly says "I don't really know what kind of excuse is that, but what I do know is that you need your punishment."

The captain wannabe howls pathetically, clenches her eyes shut when that gorgeous woman raises her arms above her head, exposing her glorious body under such thin clothes even more, letting us fans see that cute belly-button, her slightly toned belly, the underside of those two large pearls on her chest, and those godly-shaped legs and buns, then shots a massive ball of white energy at the offending girl.

As Chiyuri flies semi-naked in the air, having had almost 70% of her tights burned off, (showing off her small curves and pale skin,) she shakes her right fist and furiously shouts "**I'LL GET YOU SOMEDAY WILLIEEEEEEEEEE!**"

* * *

Later that morning, after the weather cleared up, during breakfast at the unnamed ghostly ship, Youmu, who wears a casual green t-shirt and a pair of red shorts, picks up the empty plate of what once was a sliced fish meal, and sweetly says "aww. She ate it all and now is asleep. What a dear."

Chen, whose wide jagged-toothed grin remains on her face, even though she's currently curled up into a ball and sleeping, snores softly and moans after rubbing her cheek against her saw-sword, then smacks her lips and mews.

Yuyuko giggles from the other side of the table, then takes a bite out of her fifth serving of sunny-side up eggs, and says "my, Youmu, you seem to have a soft spot for that cat."

Blushing, the gardener chuckles, and says "she was sleeping on my lap earli-**YAAAAAAAAIIIIIIGH!**"

An inexplicable, perfectly-cut square hole appears just below the half-human, and her ghost half, Myon, just watches while her human half screams, even after disappearing under the trees below.

After the hole closes up, and the large spirit casually flies away, Kimi stands on Youmu's spot as though she's always been there, points a finger at the ghost princess, then bravely demands "this is it, Yuyuko Saigyouji! Prepare to be defeated by my hand, and thus, earning myself my freedom!"

The pink-haired ghost smiles, coos sweetly, points her closed fan at the shadow dragon, then says "that is what you said last time, sweetie. Don't go making assumptions as drastic as that again."

The dragon girl lifts her fist, flexing her arm while confidently saying "a-ha! But this time I have changed my strategy! This time I won't lose!"

Yuyuko chuckles, opens her fan to cover half of her face, then softly says "well then, bring it on, mighty dragon."

Kimi pulls a plastic purple platform with yellow levers, and multicolored buttons on two ends out of thin air, sets it on the table, which is now clear of all plates and food, and sits next to the sleeping Chensaw, taking command of one set of levers and buttons, while her opponent sighs, casually looks over to the makeshift arena, and playfully says "I'll let you make the first move today, so knock yourself out. Tee-hee. I made a joke there."

In the middle of that large, table-sized plastic platform, are the Aki sisters, Minoriko and Shizuha; the young goddess of harvest wears a tight black and orange top that covers just over her solar plexus and leaves most of the top bare, showing off her ample bosom and a sexy cleavage, a short skirted bottom with the skirt in orange and the high-cut bottom itself in black, a pair of orange gloves, black boots, and her usual orange mop cap with the grapes on her short blonde hair.

She tries to cover herself up by lowering her hand and raising that pale right leg, and angrily demands "what the heck is this? Where the hell are we?"

Shizuha, the elder (but still young) goddess of turning leaves, wears a red and orange, sleeveless and legless wrestling tight, which helps show off her average chest, curvy hips, and powerful, bare , long legs, a pair of red gloves, orange boots, and a white headband with a plastic autumn leaf adorning her cute short blonde hair.

She looks around, stares at her sister, then at herself, then pats her chest and sadly says "I have failed as the older sister."

They stand on top of a round black platform each, that hover just above the arena itself, and they quickly realize they can't really move their limbs too far from their bodies.

"En guarde," declares Kimi, after the autumn goddesses notice their captors, and before the poor girls can protest, the platforms move closer to each other.

The shadow girl frantically moves her levers around while mashing buttons with her thumbs, while Yuyuko lazily pulls on her own levers and gently presses the left and right buttons, though doing so randomly.

Inside the arena, Shizuha cries while her platform moves her gently to the left and right as she throws one or two punches before moving again.

Poor Minoriko screams out loud while her platform moves her left, right, up, down, diagonally, while she throws punches and kicks like a maniac.

"Hau~ Minoriko-chaaaan, I don't like thiiiis," cries the older sister.

"Rargh! HEY, STOP! WHY CAN'T I CONTROL MYSELF?" shouts the younger goddess.

"**HA-HA-HA-Ha~ **Prepare to do my bidding, ghost," bluntly declares Kimi.

The goddess of bountiful harvest throws a powerful kick at her older sister's nether regions and furiously screams "I'm sorry onee-chaaaaaaan!"

The goddess of turning leaves shrieks, her face turns blue, and she would like nothing more than to duck and roll to avoid that attack, then her platform abruptly turns left, causing the kick to miss, then Shizuha throws a right uppercut.

She gasps after connecting with her younger sister's cheek, and desperately screams "hyaaaaa! Minoriko-chan! MINORIKO-CHAN! Speak to me!"

The younger Aki's neck has stretched ten times over, and the sexy girl's head remains stiff in the air for about a minute, before finally flopping down on the elder Aki's hands.

Before the ear-piercing shriek of the goddess graces the ghostly ship, the entire arena, with the young goddesses inside, disappears as if it was never there.

Kimi stands stiff with her hands still positioned as though she's holding her levers, with a blue face and shivering legs as well, while Yuyuko sits with her legs lazily accommodated to her right, with a wide, white-toothed, whimsical grin that stretches up to her cheeks.

A cold wind blows from the east, and the mighty shadow dragon with the high-tech eye patch trembles hard enough for her bones to clack, then suddenly composes herself and bravely demands "YOU CHEATED! Yes, that's why you wo-KYAAAAAAAAA~"

Her ears are graced by the horribly gentle buzz of the Chensaw as she is destroyed by the grinning nekomata, and right after the cat girl instantly resumes her peaceful nap, Yuyuko dearly says "well then, you do realize the deep shit you just got yourself into. Also, know that you messed with my Youmu."

The princess' eyes glow bright red as she ominously says "and only **I** get to mess with that girl."

Her sweet voice returns, and casually says "so, we shall begin with the ol' swticheroo, aaaaand~"

The reconstructed Kimi (somehow) falls through the roof while cursing Yuyuko's heritage, then the cute, silver haired gardener appears from under the table, covered in tree leaves and dirt, and weakly asks "whoa. What happened?"

Minutes later, Kali finds the dragon girl at the very back of the ship with her right leg raised over the rails, and her left hand placed over her eyes, and curious as to what she's doing, the shadow's shadow asks "what the heck are you doing, standing there like the Capt'n."

The light-orange haired girl shushes her friend, and in a monotone tone of voice, says "quiet. I'm looking for a Chicken Bacon Deluxe Sandwich with a prize, fries, and a chocolate frosty combo meal."

The shadow's red eyes open widely, unsure of what she just heard, then takes two cautious steps back before running away toward the highest point of the mast, where she stares at the dragon and wonders.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, a lonely orange haired youkai girl mops the deck, unaware of the figure walking toward her while she sings "and~ that lesbian yamabiko~ get's spanked by~ the short-skirted black~"

"Well, you're in a good mood," comments Koishi, startling the singing girl a bit.

Orange turns around to face the satori, smiles, then says "well of course I am. Nue and Kyouko are being spanked by Byakuren, and all because Kyouko called Nue a curvy surfing board, and she didn't like it, so she spanked her, then she bit her, then she called her a gremlin, then she bit her again, then they broke a hole on Chiyuri's ship with their heads."

The green haired cutie smiles, coos, then says "I didn't understand that, but just wanted to tell you that you missed a spot at the poop deck. And it's not pretty either."

Not understanding the obvious subliminal message she's just received, the cute, belly-exposing girl smiles as she happily says "I'll get on it right away!"

Koishi just stares where she now floats, holds her cheeks as they turn a bit pink, and after the orange haired girl leaves with her mop on hand, she sighs and says to herself "I just found my new plaything."

Orange's face has made a complete change from happy, to disgusted, annoyed, angry, and slightly disappointed.

She now carries a broom, a scoop, there's a small bucket with perfumed water to her left, a trash bin to her right, and after putting a white mask around her mouth and nose, and a pair of white cleaning gloves, she begins to sweep the unseen lump of whatever that is currently emanating a smell that only an original author could appreciate.

"This... is just... sick," comments the girl after throwing the offensive thing into the bin, then progresses to mop the area as thoroughly as she can.

She closes her eyes, take a deep breath of CLEAN and FRESH air (with perfume) and says "much better," before opening her eyes and yelping in surprise, thus magically having her mask and gloves popped right off.

Mima floats in the space above where the questionable mess was, lying lazily on her back in the air with a lazy smile on her face, and glancing over at the youkai girl, she waves her right fingers and sings "hi~"

A dark shadow covers Orange's eyes as she aims her rage toward the floating ghost, and in a dark and ominous tone of voice, she asks "are you the sick creep that did this... mess just now?"

The round-chested evil spirit points at her chest with a questioning face, then smiles and sweetly says "I'm a spirit. Even with magical legs, I lack the disgusting organs needed to produce such... work."

She twirls around the youkai girl, places a hand on her shoulder, and dreamily says "no sweetie, I was just floating by, enjoying the scenery created by Willie G.R.'s mind, which depicts another point of view from our home."

The orange one holds her chin while her curious face scans the supposedly evil spirit, and says "that's the second time I heard that name."

"Why yes," contently begins Mima, lifting the girl's shirt and getting an angry screech from her, while saying "just look. Because there's no description about it, your chest is like a blank space."

And truthfully enough, when my new victim... er, the short shorts girl looks down to where her chest should be, she sees there is a clean-cut empty space that makes no sense at all.

Orange screeches again, pulls her shirt back down, pats herself repeatedly, then sighs while wiping the cold sweat off her forehead, and feeling great relief from feeling herself up, she says "phew, it's just convenient censoring at its worst."

The sexy spirit coos with a motherly smile on her pale face, and says "well, at least you grasped the situation faster than the silly blonde human. Congratulations. You are a credit to youkai everywhere."

"Thank you," confidently says that cute looking girl, before taking a step to the left and steps on the left wings of Shou's red-haired fairy friend, who was coincidentally sleeping next to the mop and bucket.

The poor fairy screams out loud, after jolting up, falls on her knees, then starts to cry while rubbing her eyes and trying to stop herself from moving her wings.

Orange's blue terrorized face reveals of her knowledge of what's to come next, but seeing as the tiger isn't there yet, she tries to calm the little groping fairy down by rapidly saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't cry," while trying to check those crumpled wings and patting her head.

The Bishamonten disciple suddenly appears behind them, with glowing red eyes and a dark and ominous shadow covering her face, though failing to cover the intense eyes, and asking "what are you doing?"

The little fairy jumps on the tiger youkai's arms and cries "MAMA!", while pointing at the offender and hiding her face on Shou's shoulder.

The cute youkai girl stammers nervously for almost a minute, before finally saying "but it was an accident, I swear! Tell her spirit lad-"

Mima is long gone, and for some convenient reason, has taken the broom, mop, bucket, and trash bin away, so now, all that's left is the poor youkai girl in front of an angry tiger girl that holds a crying fairy, and a glowing crystal pagoda.

When Orange wakes up again, she's only thirty feet from crashing face-first to the ground, screams as streams of tears flow out the corner of her eyes, then "omphs" when she falls on something solid, but soft enough to lessen the fall's impact.

She slowly opens her eyes, and almost instantly, her face flushes, her eyes sparkle, hearts pop around her head, and she cup her hands beside her face and in a bubbly tone, she says "oh my. Th-thank you for saving me sir."

Holding her is a shirtless man with a perfectly toned, hard muscled body, a perfectly chiseled face with small features on the chin, solid brown eyes, dark brown hair cut into a perfect flat top, and after grinning, the girl's eyes sparkle brightly upon seeing those perfectly white teeth.

The swooning girl places her index finger on her lower lip, lower her head to glance cutely upward, and in a soft tone of voice, she says "my good man, I am Orange. Please, tell me your name, so that I may know the name of the man I plan to ravage."

The buff man smiles, chuckles, and with a girl's voice, says "I knew it. You really are a lesbian."

The girl raises her left eyebrow, scowls, readies her sharp nails for quick retribution, but before she does anything else, the man throws her to the ground, pulls his face backward, and now Kyouko's face ruins the short shorts girl's perfect man-vision while mockingly saying "ha! You smelled my womanly perfume and went insane! ADMIT IT! You **are** a LESBIAN!"

Orange's face turns bright red with embarrassment, and before she knows it, she screams out loud in frustration "**no, no, no, noooo! THE LITTLE IMP GOT MEEEEEE!**"

She looks up to the sky, raises her fist, and shouts "**THIS IS YOUR FAULT, WILLIE G.R.**"

Up at the Palanquin, Koishi hugs her knees while smiling smugly at the floor below, and softly says "she's easier than I thought. Heh, this trip just got more interesting for me."

On the floor lies poor Orange, sleeping with her broom held tightly on hand while twitching and moaning, unaware that she's going through a subconscious nightmare, caused by a subconscious little monster.

* * *

At the Human Village, a hooded figure walks amongst the people at the shopping district, emanating a dangerous aura around, and eating some sweet dumplings she holds on her right hand.

On the other side of the road, Chen walks brazenly in the open with her saw sword resting on her right shoulder, a swirly red and green lollipop on her left hand, and her evil, jagged-toothed grin gracing her face.

The figures stop when they are five feet in front of each other, and the hooded figure reveals herself to be Lily White (where you expecting Reimu, or something?), and she looks at the cat girl, points, and waits.

The nekomata licks her lollipop, smacks her lips, smiles confidently, then says "Por FIN! Los huevos estan cocidos!" (We meet again, Lily White!)

The fairy reads the subtitles, raises an eyebrow, then says "卵、牛乳、ソーセージ、レモン、穀物！" (You're not running away this time, Chen!)

The nekomata reads the subtitles, pouts as her cheeks turn red from anger, then in an ominously cold tone of voice, she says "トーンの音であなたのメッセージを残す！" (You have a big imagination, for a stupid little fairy!)

The spring spirit reads the subtitles, snarls and foams at the mouth, lifts her freaking huge buster sword, and says "Me fui a caminar con mi novio al parque! Nos tocamos y nos besamos!" (**IIIINNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEED!**)

Chen lowers her ears and hisses furiously, White raises her left fist and roars, they both taste their sweets one more time, throw them away, then run to each other with their weapons raised.

The moment those two swords clash, the villagers around them stop what they are doing, some drop their baskets with their foods as they gasp, then all start screaming while running away from the sword-swinging girls.

"Somebody call the Suspicious Keine!", calls a desperate man.

"No way, she's too suspicious," replies a woman from the other side of the mob.

Ignoring the humans, the two girls make a loud clang with their swords after a locking strike, the cat jumps to avoid a quick leg-swipe, the fairy sways right to avoid a punch to the ribs, then they both jump away from each other, and out of nowhere, Maribel hands the fairy a drink, and Youmu tickles the cat girl's nose a cat teaser.

They smack their lips, glare at each other, then take flight and rush toward each other.

Their swords catch fire as they wind them up, then swing with all their might, clashing them in mid-air and setting several houses on fire after the sparks fly off all over the air, like a curtain of flaming tongues dancing in the air.

They don't really care that the houses turn to ash in a mere second, or that the villagers are now cursing at them while their village gets leveled.

All they want is to fight, and continue swinging those swords, making them clang and spark with every blow.

Chen backs away, sneers, pulls an out-of-season cherry blossom, opens her mouth, then bites it.

Lily gasps, growls, takes out some questionable reading material, then shreds it to pieces before the nekomata, who growls softly, then shouts "I wanted to do that!"

They dash toward each other, and now swing large red feathers at their faces.

They bend and sway to avoid getting tickled to submission, then White thrusts her feather and tickles the cat's nose, getting sneezed on the shirt almost immediately.

Both girls fall out of the sky and crash-land in a swimming pool, and after rising, Chen is wearing a metallic pink swimsuit, while Lily wears a white swimsuit with a red stripe around the belly.

They glare and growl at each other, swim to the left edge, hold on to the border, then kick off from it.

They swim as fast as they can to the other side, spitting water at each others' faces in an attempt to slow down the competition, but this doesn't work for either, and they reach the other end at the same time.

They pull themselves out of the water, and after the water splashes off, Chen wears a red and pink biker's top and shorts that expose her cute belly, and a pair of pink sneakers, and Lily wears a white and black leotard with tight metallic green long pants, and white sneakers.

They jump on a bicycle each, then rush off toward a circular track that has just been conveniently unveiled by Kotohime, and just as the cop princess cuts the ribbon and the people cheer, the girls rush in, running over every human in the way with their bikes, while swinging their swords at each other with fury.

They take the curve in the track and get closer, clash their dangerous weapons with deadly accuracy, then the fairy raises her buster sword, throws it down with all her might, and when the nekomata blocks, they somehow end up locked, while their bikes continue onward.

Behind them, Kotohime pedals on a tricycle like a crazed maniac, and between hard pants, she shouts "stop! In the. name of the. of the. AWW, just stop!"

The girls break out of the track while still locked, and as they run over humans, cats, dogs, rabbits, and one unsuspecting Mokou, the cat girl shouts "Je ne suis pas sous-vêtements!" (This is it, fairy! You're history!)

The mentioned blonde reads the subtitles, growls at the grinning cat, and shouts back "Bhfuil roinnt beoir, agus an ifreann stoptar suas! Nuhuhuhu~" (Dream on, kitty cat! ROAR~!)

Their swords unlock, they both lose their balance, and end up jumping off their bikes before they crash into the fruits storage building.

The princess officer still in pursuit, screams when she tries to stop the trike of fail, but can't, covers her face with her arms as she waits for her impending doom, and right after crashing through the wall, the entire building explodes with such force, a giant mushroom cloud forms in the sky.

Ignoring the exaggeratedly epic explosion, the girls, back in their pirates outfits, clash blades once more, swinging diagonally, blocking sideways, thrusting, parrying, ducking, jumping, and poking.

From one side of the village, Ran sweetly calls "Cheeeeeen~ It's almost time for lunch~"

From the other side of the village, Yuka's voice echoes her call "Oi, Lily! Got some sweet potatoes here, courtesy of the Aki girls!"

Both girls gasp with smiles on their faces, turn away from each other, then run toward the direction of their callers voices.

Behind they leave an entire village leveled to the ground, burning with intensity, while in the center of it all, the Suspicious Keine hums suspiciously, while suspiciously tending her suspicious garden, and suspiciously enough, her house is intact.

After watering the suspicious bluebells, she stops humming so suspiciously, opens her eyes wide, looks around at the suspicious mess, then says "what the **hell** happened here?"

Mokou screams as she falls from the sky, crash-lands face-first on the bed of suspicious roses, getting cut by the thorny stems, suspiciously, then the suspicious Keine growls, snorts, then says "someone's going to pay for this, and I'm getting a professional!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Scarlet Demon Ark's bowels, there is a dark forest with a night sky and a full moon, and from within that forest, Marisa loudly says "and why exactly are we here, ze? We could have just gone to the mansion at night and be done with it."

There is at least some good twenty seconds of silence, before the witch says "ooh, I see. That's why we're here then."

After a quick giggle, Flandre says "yup! We can only catch that horned demon with the oversized fist that does little damage in here, and if we're lucky, after we beat it, it'll drop a golden chest, and from it, we will get a rare prize."

Reimu, Marisa, and Flandre stand in a perfectly straight platformer world, where the ground is perfectly flat, the mounds are perfectly squared, bridges look like brown bones tied with brunette hair, and the grass looks like a cushion adorning the black-specked ground, added to the fact that the trees in the background look like giant cardboard cut-outs painted with acrylics, and pasted with gloss afterward.

As an added fact to the description, the old-looking trees' leaves look like Kanako's hair, except in green.

Somewhere at the Tengu Village, the drunk air-headed goddess of war twitches, looks forward, and in a dark undertone, she says "someone's calling me a hag again."

Back at the 2-D forest, the girls walk on a flat wooden bridge over a lake that looks like a light-blue tongue instead of actual water, when Reimu stops her march, looks behind herself, pulls her gohei and talismans out of her sleeves, and glares.

Flandre turns around and curiously asks "what's the matter Reimu?", only to adopt a fighting stance and a stern face, then summons her twisted black rod to her right hand.

Marisa stops her lazy march and lazily asks "wha? What's going on?", then gasps with surprise, gulps, takes her hakkero from under her hat, and says "hey, how about you warn me about this next time, ze!"

Behind the bridge, hidden in shadows, is a figure with two large horns on the sides of what the girls assume is it's the head, long flowing hair, a single glinting right eye, a red crescent smile, and a right fist the size of a house.

After shaking off her surprise, the witch smiles confidently, then declares "rare item, HERE I COME!", and shoots a thick beam from her hakkero, which is followed by a fast barrage of charms and bullets form the blonde vampire, and black haired shrine maiden.

The blasts all strike the giant creature's fist, and the girls are surprised when they hear a loud girly voice complain "OWWW! Hey, what the hell's wrong with you?"

The girls stop their attack and look around and at each other in confusion, then the giant figure gets closer, revealing herself to be Suika Ibuki, dressed in her usual tattered white shirt, purple skirt, and having those chains with a triangle, a circle and a square on their ends, and, of course, we can't forget the oni's purple gourd, long orange hair and long brown horns.

Flandre is the first one to snap out of her confusion, and asks "wait, the oni? What the HECK are you doing inside onee-sama's stupidly named ship? And where's our rare treasure? Your HP is down to zero!"

The oni looks above her head, and indeed, her life bar is completely empty.

Regardless, she just shrugs and says "well, just wait for the in-ship cut-scene to end, then my body will explode, or something like that, and then you can have you silly treasure."

Reimu waves her arms around while looking up at Suika with a saddened face, and after the giant girl looks her way, the cute shrine maiden bows repeatedly while placing her hands on her chest.

The giant oni bows her head and says "it's alright. I was a boss, apparently, so I'm not mad at you for shooting me, Reimu," and reveals a giant sack of those 2-D trees sitting behind her, then Marisa says "hey wait a minute. What are you doing with those trees, ze? I've never seen trees like them, and now you have a whole sack of them. Start explaining!"

Suika chuckles, pats the sack behind her, and casually says "you mean these things? The purple girl hiding that large rack in her robe made them. She calls them Oldhagulus, and they are made to look like some goddess mountain I don't really care about."

Outside the ship, a loud explosion rattles the entire Youkai Mountain, and shortly after, several crow and wolf tengu fly and run away from their homes, screaming in fear of the magical white fire burning their clothes and houses.

Inside the side-scroller forest, the giant oni places one of the Kanako-like trees on its designated spot, salutes the girls, then says "alright, the cut-scene is over. Have fun with whatever item you get~"

Reimu jumps and coos with delight, Flandre waves and happily calls "thanks. Take caaaare~," and Marisa sighs, face palms, then says "somehow, I'm not in the mood for this random stuff today."

The giant girl's body begins to glow, more light in the form of beams grows from the center of her body, and like magic, her body shatters into pieces of light that rain down on the odd party, and vanish when touching any surface.

Suika is now about five screens away, planting more of those trees, while a golden treasure chest appears in front of the vampire, who squeals and says "alright! We got the treasure!"

As the human girls gather, the little blonde bends down, grabs the chest's top by the edges, pulls it up, making a clicking sound as she does, then rummages inside after pushing the door open, and finds...

"What the heck? **ANOTHER** golden triangle! But I already have two of these!", exclaims the disappointed little vampire while holding the golden treasure in front of her chest.

Before she loses her temper and cries, Reimu holds the blonde's head against her belly and scratches the side of her ear, then the little sister says "aww, thank you Reimu-san. *Sigh* I guess I'll just give this to-"

Before she finishes her sentence, the golden triangle begins to glow, the other two appear out of nowhere, and then they begin to spin around while floating in mid air, forming a larger triangle with a hollowed upside-down triangle center.

The Hakurei Maiden flaps her arms around, looks toward the bridge, then smiles while waving her hands at her blonde witch friend.

On the bridge, Marisa has made a 3D fire, and while cooking a meaty sausage on a stick, she flaps her hand in dismissal and says "no, no, I'm just not in the mood. Keep the treasure, or whatever, ze."

Meanwhile, Koakuma appears in a magical flash from the empty center of the larger triangle, and after Flandre and Reimu stare in surprise for a while, the little devil smiles, blushes and says "this is the last time I'm wearing this thing."

Her getup is a simple, thin, orange skintight dress that covers only down to the devils round butt and nether region, leaving her gorgeous legs bare, and her cute red panties visible.

She sighs in frustration, then bows to the little sister and says "my lady, you have assembled the mighty Tri... erm, Py... ram... mid. Yes... the Tri-Pyramid. Now you get to make a wish and see it come true."

"If I were you..." the little devil begins her suggestion, as drool trickles down her lips, her cheeks turn red, and her body starts to tremble "I'd wish for a dozen strapping young slave muscled men wearing nothing but short cloths, whom will be willing to do anything you want, without wanting to get on top, and-mf-mmf-hmmhmhmphfm!"

The cute red and white has covered the disgusting drooling mouth of the heated devil, smiles at the young vampire and nods, edging her to make her wish.

Flandre smiles, close her eyes, the Trif... I mean, Tri-Pyramids stop spinning and glow a warm golden light, and right after the glow stops, Remilia appears behind her little sister, screaming and hiding her shaggy, naked, wet frame from Reimu's sight.

"Wa-wa-wa-FLAN! What the heck's going on here? I just got into the bathtub! Why am I here?", exclaims the pale streaker.

"ONEE-SAMAAAA~" coos the little sister as she grabs hold of the naked mistress and squeezes her air out of her body with a bone-crunching hug.

The silent red and white smiles nervously, looks at her black and white friend, and Marisa flatly says "not interested."

Sitting in front of the witch from across the fire, Sakuya sighs, hug her left knee while holding a sausage near the fire on a stick, and says "as lovely as that is, I'm just not in the mood right now."

Reimu blinks, twitches when her brain fails to understand how come that perverted chief maid is so calm in the presence of her naked mistress, then just shrugs and joins the campfire, in **3-D!**

* * *

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa (while tengu in flames fly by, screaming and crying in pain from Kanako's rage attack), '_Captain_' Kitashirakawa, whom is finally wearing her normal, belly-exposing, white sailor attire, whines and moans while helping Renko polish the cannonballs to the point of making them into round mirrors.

She finishes polishing one cannonball, places it on the floor to her left, then looks at the fifth stack of eight balls next to the brown-haired human, and asks "how the hell are you doing that so fast?"

The cunning human grins at the foolish human, then bluntly drops a black cannonball inside a grey machine that has a wide round opening on top, a one-inch tube that connects to an ample round center, which has an opening in the front, where the mirror-polished cannonball rolls out of, and on to a metal plate that holds it from falling on the floor, and on the left side of the machine is a white logo that reads NITORI.

Renko looks at Chiyuri, grins, then says "you've been doing it the hard way all this time, captain. Come, and make your life easier."

The blonde growls while raising her fist at her supposed subordinate, but sighs as she winds down, then shakes her head and says "no, it's not your fault. It's **Willie's damned fault!**"

Usami raises an eyebrow as she stares at the blonde girl in complete disbelief, then points right and says "um, right. You just keep working on these, and I'll got work on those, on the polisher that's WAY over there."

She quickly rushes to the starboard (right) side of the ship, making sure she's far away from the crazy girl as possible.

After thirty minutes, and three piles of polished balls, the flat-chested blonde is beginning to feel monotonous, and is grabbing balls without even looking, while thinking of ways to humiliate this author.

She reaches to the cannonballs to her left, taps something small, soft and squishy, and lazily questions "eh? What the heck? This cannonball feels so soft, squishy, and so small too."

A girl moans, smacks her lips, and Chiyuri's blue face indicates she knows what she's touching, and slowly retreats her arms, though she's too late, because I want to mess with her.

Orange opens her eyes right after the tenth squeeze, her flushed face slowly trails up those arms, locks on those yellow eyes, then she screams out loud "**KYAAAAAAAAH! PERVEEEEEERT! LESBIAN PERVEEEEEERT!**"

From the Palanquin, Kyouko happily shouts "**Ha! I knew it! Just accept yourself as you are already!**"

The orange-haired youkai spring on her feet, her blush becomes deep red fury, and waving a fist in the air, she shouts "**HEY! I'm the one getting violated here! RARGH! This is all stupid Willie G.R.'s FAULT!**"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait," begins Chiyuri while pulling the girl down from the stack of balls, then asks "you're having trouble with Willie too?"

Orange's eyes glisten when she realizes she's looking at a girl that's been tortured by the author, and knows the ordeals she's been through.

She grabs the blond by the shoulders, sniffles while holding back her desire to cry out loud, then says "oh, it's been TERRIBLE! First, he turned my dream hunk into Kyouko! Then he made me trip on Nazrin's butt, and I ended up tasting a carpet..."

Chiyuri's face turns blue after that innuendo, while the tormented youkai continues "...then he had me tied to the mast while that weird Koishi girl danced NAKED in front of me! I ALMOST LIKED THAT CUTE BUTT! And then, right after serving lunch to lady Hijiri, an eight-foot wave of salt water came out of nowhere and dragged me all the way between the breasts of a raging goddess in red! SHE BURNED ME!"

Above the Misty Lake, Kanako has her whole body surrounded by yellow flames, and shoots logs, fireballs and tainted talismans all around her, while furiously roaring "I AM NOT... **OOOOOOOOOOLD!**"

Before long, she shoots divine lightning from her hands, guides it toward the base of the Youkai Mountain, and after an earth-rattling explosion, several screaming, burning kappa rush out of the woods, and dive into the lake water, calling for help to the very goddess that just struck them.

Back at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the blonde captain wannabe wobbles as her eyes spin in a daze, when the cute orange girl finishes "and that's when I woke up to you groping and fondling me like that!"

Chiyuri snaps out of her daze, sympathetically pats the youkai on the head, and smiles while saying "wow, he really let you have it. Maybe he'll settle down a bit, but listen! We can never let down our guard!"

Orange sobs, and says "yes, I learned that the hard way. When I did relax, I was suddenly French-kissing Nue."

From the Palanquin, Nue screams "**THAT NEVER HAPPENED!**"

Before the two tortured souls can continue their discussion, a girl with grey hair tied to a ponytail, grey eyes, wearing a dark-blue hat as tall as her own head, an elegant black, shot-skirted suit, a black hooded robe, and a pair of ankle-high dark blue boots, lands to their rights, and stares.

She glances around the ship, suddenly looks straight at the girls, then says "salutations fellow sky-riders. I am Futo Mononobe, hired spanker. I am in a quest for localizing, and promptly spanking two miscreants, for the crime of the destruction of one Human Village, and the dishonorable defeat of one of the guardians. Pray, have you seen a cat girl or a Spring fairy in white?"

The girls raise an eyebrow, then Orange points at the new girl, and says "you speak in two very different accents."

As Chiyuri nods, the spanker gasps, turns away and raises her hood, and while pouting cutely under the shadows, she says "thou art too blunt. I am still growing accustomed to thine modern tongue."

When the hooded girl turns around, the blonde and orange-head are embracing each other tightly and eating each other away with a passionate kiss.

Futo panics, shouts "what kind of unmannered display is this?", then flies away in her fright, and gets run over by a flying metal chicken with a red crest, and as she falls, she screams "CURSEEEEEEEESSS!"

From within the chicken, Nitori looks around the edge of her seat, Ichirin does the same on the passenger's side, and when neither see anything, they look at each other, shrug, and continue their fowl joy-ride.

Down at the bamboo ship, Orange and Chiyuri open their eyes, realize what they are doing, then yelp, spit, cough, gag, brush, rinse and repeat, and from behind them, Kyouko grins mischievously, cups her hands around her mouth, and shouts with all her might "**I SAW TWO GIRLS MAKING OUT~ CHIYURI AND ORANGE ARE A LESBIAN COUPLE!**"

Before the angry, blushing girls can retaliate, Kanako rushes in, blasts Kyouko with a fireball, sends her back to the Palanquin in flames, then shouts "I AM NOT AN OLD HAG, YOU EVIL LITTLE GREMLIN!"

From Murasa's ship, Nue shouts "HAH! Even the goddess calls you a gremlin, you little gremlin!"

On the deck of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the orange has the blonde on her back, and both giggle and whoop as the youkai gallops around like a horse, while the human smacks her butt with her hat.

They stop, slowly realize what they are doing, then look to the sky and simultaneously shouts "**cut it the hell OUT Willie!**"

Above the girls, blushing while holding on to her cheeks, Koishi smiles naughtily as she looks down at the two girls that are completely unaware of the fact that their subconscious is being toyed with, thoroughly.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere over the skies of Gensokyo, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow (yes boys and girls, he's alive and well), carries a coconut in its tiny claws, and heads straight to Minamitsu's ship with it.

The captain of the Palanquin hums while steering her ship with the collapsible roof currently down, humming to herself a cheerful tune, totally unaware of the danger she is currently in.

As the sparrow gets closer, her humming escalates to her singing "because kappa in swimsuits a de~li~ciouly yu~mmy~! So squi~shy, and slippery, and play~ful too. Squeeze them, and eat them, and ten~der~ly love them. *Drool* I can't way to get my hands on one of them real soon~!"

"Na-na na-na-na na-na-na na-na na-na-na~ I'll squeeze her, and pinch her, and touch her all over~ That stretchy~ blue swimsuit~ enhancing my touch. She'll love me, and kiss me, and then be all mine~!"

The coconut falls and makes a loud clunk on the captain's head, which is followed by a solid thud, and while flat on the floor, the perverted girl dizzily says "coconut hard. Painful. Abrasive. Not like wet swimsuit. Kappa~ Blood."

And true enough, the bump that grows on her head starts to bleed profusely, but even so, Minamitsu storms up on her feet, and furiously roars "WHO THE **** RUINED MY SONG? And with a hard COCONUT too! COME OUT OF HIDING SO I CAN KILL YOU!"

The coconut splits on her hands, and after taking a long and hard look at what she's holding, the sailor-suited girl grimaces, and says "oh shit. Not this gag. Please, not this gag, for the love of Buddha!"

The RKNS lands on the rudder, tweets and whistles, and from behind the black-haired girl, then Byakuren happily coos and says "yay~ The coconut is here! Now we can play Knights on the Ship!"

In a complete and sudden mood-change, Minamitsu turns around to face her smiling lady, and blissfully says "we shall start the game promptly! For Lady Hijiri, I'll walk the plank and come back to the ship if I have to!"

The tiny sparrow flies over the brown-nosing girl's head to knock her hat off, tweets, then the re-angry girl says "keep it up, and I might have **SPARROW** on the menu tonight!"

Meanwhile, all the way at the back of the ship, Nue and Kogasa fly around the port (left) rails, the latter holding a scroll open, and saying "it should be around here somewhere."

The undefined hottie turns those red eyes to her umbrella partner, raises an eyebrow, then says "that's plenty vague. Can't you specify a spot?"

The adorable karakasa shakes her head with a smile, then presents the scroll and says "some lazy fat bastard must have written this. It's just full of vague notes and descriptions."

True enough, the map on the scroll is very crude, painted with crayons, written with various ink colors, and the spot with the treasure is marked by a large red circle, which has a green arrow under the brown words "Treasure."

Nue's right eye twitches, groans after throwing her hands in the air with frustration, then says "whatever! To hell with this! Let's forget the treasure. Besides, shouldn't the treasure be on some island, or a beach, or-"

"Haiee!" *THUD*

Kogasa's yelp and sound effect interrupts the undefined girl's speech, and when she looks to scold her partner, the cute youkai giggles while sticking out her tongue and resting her legs on a brown treasure chest, and says "I found it."

Again, the curvy black-haired girl raises an eyebrow, then questions "so... it was just lying around in front of our noses. How interesting."

The sound of a galloping horse reach the girls, they regroup in front of the treasure chest, look all around themselves, then right in front, Byakuren appears, holding her arms up as if holding a horse by its reigns, and says "whoa there. That treasure belongs to the crown, ladies!"

Behind the cute and playful Youkhrist, Minamitsu carries a massive backpack filled with all sorts of pots, pans, sheets, tents, and a tiger statue, and on her hands she holds the two coconut halves, which she uses to strike together to make a galloping sound. (Yes... I did that. I did it, and I'm not taking it back. It's too late for that!)

Selecting to ignore the strange setup, Nue angrily says "sorry Lady Hijiri, but we found this first! There's no way we're letting you have it, just like that."

The gradient-haired woman draws a large western sword with a golden hilt, points it at the youkai, and says "we'll have to fight for it! Now, draw your weapon, or die where you stand. HA-HA-HAA!", then leans closer and sweetly says "come on girls, let's make it interesting."

There is a loud click, all the girls gasp, look around for the treasure chest that is SUPPOSED to be behind the karakasa and nue, and find it only five feet away, being opened by Orange and Chiyuri.

The two mentioned girls blink and look around in confusion, stare at the four angry girls glaring at them, then the blonde asks "um... where the hell am I? Why is that bitch Murasa here?"

The captain drops the backpack, throws the coconut halves, summons her anchor, and threateningly asks "you really want to die, don't you? You want to die by the hands of a bitch, am I right? Wait, that didn't sound right."

The four Myouren girls and the RKNS all gasp, takes a LONG step back, and shiver after Orange casually says "oh, this is one cute treasure."

The captain of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa turns to face the cute youkai girl, then gasps with surprise upon laying her eyes on the treasure.

The orange one holds an angry Shanghai on the palm of her hand, and is scratching her head while cooing and saying "what a cute little girl. Oh, I could just eat her up."

The little blonde girl stares unamused at her current captor, slowly takes as much air in her tiny lungs as she can, and in a sudden burst of energy, sound, and will, she screams out loud "**MAMAAAAAAAAAAA~!**"

The little girl starts to cry "stupid, stupid pirates... again in there... I hate *sob* stupid game! I want my *hic* MAMA ALICE!"

Orange panics and throws the crying girl to Chiyuri, who screams "NO, NO! Crying cute things cause PAIN!", then throws the little girl to the air.

Right after the tiny girl is in the air, a shower of blonde dolls with sharp javelins on their little hands fall on the orange and wannabe-captain.

Alice, Hourai, and a legion of armed London dolls glare ominously at my torture targets, and after seeing the pain (with the many holes) she caused to the girls, she angrily asks "where is my Shanghai?"

Giggles take the attention of the blonde puppeteer and her other tiny blonde daughter, whose expressions change from alerted and dangerous, to happy and calm.

Petal holds Shanghai on her hands, and kisses her little cheeks while combing her hair with her finger, and says "there. No crying tiny doll girls. Shatori-shama love good. Petal good. You laugh and smile with Petal. YAY~"

The miniature blonde girl hugs the cheek of the innocent, adorable shadow raven youkai, then looks at Alice and Hourai, and says "it's ok Mama Alice! This one is nice."

The original treasure-hunting girls sigh simultaneously, then Byakuren happily says "well, at least nobody got seriously injured this time."

Orange struggles to stand, looks to the air, and complains "wait! Why did you stab only us? They're the ones who found the treasure!"

Chiyuri rises up, looks at Alice, then demands "what the hell is your problem? You should ask before impaling someone repeatedly with dolls!"

"**KYAAAAAHHH~**" simultaneously scream the two girls when the legion of dolls rush toward them and repeatedly stab them again.

Seconds later, all the girls, save for the two stabbed lesb... er, I mean, youkai and human girls, laugh and cheer over a small feast, celebrating something that they are not certain what exactly it is, but don't care.

Koishi and Kyouko fly above the ship, and while looking down with pity at my two targets, the yamabiko says "umm, maybe we should stop now."

The satori girl sighs and says "yeah. The extra bribe money from the author was good, but those two are already pitiable enough on their own."

Right after saying that, and because now I'm on my own in torturing these girls now, an eight-foot wave rushes through the ship, taking only Orange and Chiyuri, making them scream as their clothes are plucked right out of their bodies, piece by piece.

Right after the blonde captain screams "what the hell~! Enough, please, let us have a BREAK already," Alice whoops and jumps on the wave, wearing her light-blue swimsuit, and starts to surf on Chiyuri's back, while Orange continues to be pushed and pulled up and down the water without hope of stopping.

* * *

Inside the bowels of the Palanquin, in the rooms quarters, Orin rests her head on Satori's lap, her face is completely flushed, and she hiccups and moans with pleasure as the purple-haired youkai cleans the kasha's ears (cat and human) with a thin bamboo stick that has one bent end, and another covered with a cotton ball.

She watches tenderly as her pet twitches and moans, but can't see the many reactions on that flushed face, yet being a mind reader, she can read all that's going through her pet's head, and thinks "_she really loves it when I clean her ears. Tee-heh, maybe I should tease her a bit._"

The purple-eyed girl smiles wider and blushes, then thinks "_no way, I couldn't do that. Let's just focus on cleaning these up._"

"Alright Orin, turn around so I can clean the others," sweetly commands Satori, smiling upon seeing those blushing cheeks on her cat.

The blissful kasha nods, gives her master a quick glance while turning around, and now, her face completely changes upon laying her eyes on her master's lower stomach and groin area, and even though she's covered with her shirt and skirt, the cat girl can't help but get nervous.

The satori twitches, tries to hide her annoyance and embarrassment with a hard smile, and thinks "_what is this cat thinking? Geez, that's so embarrassing. Ah, relax Satori. She's an animal, and animals survive by instincts, not logic or common sense. That's it Satori. Now relax and clean those ears as quickly as you can, and be done with this._"

Shortly after beginning to work on that human ear, the kasha begins to twitch and moan inward, and as she does, she breathes hard through her nose.

This tickles the mind reader's lap, and without realizing it, her face begins to get redder and redder, until she starts panting as well.

"Just a bit more," says the heated satori after finishing with the human ear, and moving to the cat ear on the redhead.

Orin begins to twitch harder, and small and quick yelps escape her, adding to her moans, and cute flushed face, which keeps changing to several expressions.

Satori lays her eyes on that face and finds it adorable, and soon after begins to feel a little ticklish, and quickly taking notice, she thinks "_what the hell? No way! I'm acting like some sort of pervert! Bad Satori! Ugh, let's just end this, and quick!_"

The hurries her cleaning efforts, causing the cat girl to breath harder through her mouth, which in turn tickles her more and more, causing her cheeks to turn so red, she feels as though she has a fever.

Before Iku suddenly appears because of that last word used in that last sentence, the elder Komeiji declares "ALLDONE!", and rapidly straightens up to let the cat move away.

Orin takes a bit to relax herself, then rolls away from her master's comfortable lap, twists her body around as if break-dancing, and lands next to the mind-reader on her knees.

"Thank you very much, Satori-sama," happily says the kasha, giving the purple-haired girl a kiss on the cheek, and rubbing her own cheeks on the girl's shoulder.

The satori girl twitches and gasps, her face turns even redder (now looks like a tomato with purple hair), and furiously asks "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

On the doorway, with a mischievous grin, and a pair of blushing stickers on her adorable face, stands the security hologram of child Byakuren.

She giggles while placing the back of her hand under her mouth, and mischievously hisses "oh, I've been here since, oh, you started getting all heated up over your pet's breathing on your lap."

The cat girl glances sideways, lowers her ears and frowns, then says "aww, I'm sorry Satori-sama. But you didn't tell me I was bothering you. I could have stopped."

Satori smiles as a vein pulsates on her forehead while she charges up a spell to the left of her head with both hands, and calmly says "oh, don't worry Orin-chan. It's not your fault. I'll just have to get rid of this little monster hologram."

The little monster chuckles, a vile glint escapes her right eye, the kasha immediately jumps in front of her master in an offensive position with her claws ready for action, then the little girl waves her hands around inoffensively, and says "no, no, I won't do anything. Just tell your master here she should stop thinking such lewd things while cleaning someone else's ears."

The mind reader twitches, and Orin's ears perk up, her eyes turn catlike, her top lip take two curves, and a giant heart appears above her head, while the tiny Byakuren continues "can I really read your thoughts when you can't read mine? Why yes, Satori Komeiji, I can, as a matter of fact. And I know you got heated up really bad back there. And you know what? Your pet is DELIGHTED by that."

Satori takes notice of how her own Orin has now turned on her, and how those hungry eyes, drooling mouth, and twitching hand-paws are all aimed at her.

Little Byakuren giggles, takes a pair of cat ears out of her pocket, tosses them on the mind reader's head, and says "tell you what. Let me watch you get eaten by your cat, and Orange and Kyouko will never, EVER learn of what happened here. Deal?"

The ceiling explodes, a hole to the sky outside is visible through several other holes on the upper layers of the ship, and in the centered spotlight stands Iku Nagae, who energetically exclaims "**did somebody say... FEVAAAAAA~?**"

She twirls in place, raises her right hand, places her left on her hip, aaaaaaannnnd~...

Over the lake at the back of the Hakurei Shrine, Futo flies for her life as the mechanical chicken flies after her.

As she flies, she shouts "ASSISTANCE, PLEASE! I am being persecuted by a giant silver none-believing poultry monster!"

The metal chicken buckaws in a disturbing mechanical manner, then the silver-haired spanker explodes.

From inside the metal fowl, Nitori peeks her head from the side, while Ichirin looks behind at the explosion, then says "hey, I think we killed something."

The kappa waves her hand in disbelief and confidently says "no way! Nobody would be stupid enough to get in the way of a giant metal chicken."

Back at the Palanquin, the depressed oarfish youkai moans sadly and says "I'm such a failure. No lightning," while being patted on the ankle by little Byakuren, both which are completely ignoring the screams and moans from Satori as she's being eaten by Orin under the bed sheets.

Heck, they aren't even taking notice of the countless pink hearts floating around the dark room, completely clashing with the dark wooden design in the room.

The tiny girl pats the electric girl, and sympathetically says "it's alright, don't cry. Why don't you just try again?"

Iku gulps her tears down, looks at the girl with those sad eyes, nods, and straightens up.

One quick sob escapes her, but she remains there, quickly spins around once, stops, raises her right hand, places her left on her hip, and a bolt of lightning falls on her and spreads two feet around herself.

The excited oarfish jumps with joy and exclaims "I did it! Little girl, I'm not a fail...uer?"

She quickly takes notice of the tiny Byakuren's absence, looks around for her, not taking notice of the bits of debug pieces on the ground in front of herself, then shrugs and says "oh well, I guess she got scared. Good for her. Now, time for me to go. Bye~"

She waves at nobody in particular, takes flight through the holes she made, which for some odd reason, repair themselves after she flies through, then the cat-eared Satori and Orin finally poke their heads out of the bed sheets, wearing only their underwear while holding a pack of playing cards on their hands.

After making sure everybody else is gone, the mind reader asks "got any six?"

The kasha waves her two tails around and says "go fish Satori-sama."

The cute satori girl in pink frilly underwear says "just give me the six, you cheater."

The well endowed cat girl in dark-green underwear clicks her tongue, then says "hey, I'm not the one reading minds here, sister."

* * *

In the afternoon, at the Scarlet Demon Ark's ample insides, "SAAA-KUUU-YAAA~!" Remilia's screams of terror rock the entire ship... with terror.

The Scarlet Devil runs with tears in her eyes, away from one Rabid Karate Night Sparrow, who holds a Gungnir on one claw, and a cabinet on the other, and tweets furiously at the crying vampire in front.

"I'm SORRY! I won't attack when your back is turned again! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!", pleas the adorably frightened vampire, but to no avail, and the evil sparrow throws the spear at her, and knocks her hat off her head.

She yelps and rushes to get her hat, and the tweeting terror from above stops, shakes the cabinet, and the creature made of water (Called Jumy, by Flandre) falls from within, barking happily after seeing the mistress, then proceeds to licking her on the cheek, and gobbling her up, trapping her inside its watery innards.

Remilia's gurgled screams cause the water creature's skin to shiver violently, then it, along with the trapped vampire, is knocked to the ground by a red blur, that squeals with delight "JUMY~" then exclaims "where have you been? I missed you!"

Sakuya appears next to the cute vampire, and pointing her accusing finger, says "Flandre-sama, what kind of a master are you? You should always know where your pets are!"

The pouting girl looks away while cutely saying "but he just vanished one day, and I couldn't find him."

Patchouli appears behind the water creature, pats it twice, then casually says "even after all this time, he's still quite moist."

Remilia manages to push half of herself out of the creature's insides, reaches for her friend's hand, the magician yelps, and the mistress screams "PULL, BEAN SPROUT! **PUUULLLLL!**"

"What the-? MUKYU!", are the only words the well stacked librarian can say before getting sucked straight into Jumy's body, to share the moist torture with her dear, dear friend.

Floating inside the slimy sea, Knowledge glances flatly to her right at the vampire, and says a gurgled "I hate you right now."

Thuds, slams, clanks, and pows from above alert the still free maid and blonde into adopting a defensive stance, then Meiling and the RKNS burst through the floor right under Sakuya's feet, knocking the chief maid straight inside Jumy.

"HA! You've gotten better, bird, but SO HAVE I," declares the gate guard before throwing a kick straight at the little evil bird, landing a direct hit on its miniature chest.

Izayoi stares discreet daggers at her workmate from within the blue creature, and as the red vein on her forehead grows, and several torture methods cross her mind, she ominously says a gurgled "oh yes, that gate guard is so screwed when I get her."

She turns around and gasps in surprise, forgetting her promise of revenge against the sexy redhead, when she sees Remilia and Patchouli sitting under a working kotatsu while playing cards in the water.

"My Lady, Lady Patchouli, um... what-what are you doing?", asks the stunned maid with fright.

Remilia raises her lazy face to address her servant, and casually says "we're playing Old Maid. Wanna join?"

Jumy has taken the shape of a dog, so that Flandre may scratch him under his chin, while inside him, screams are accompanied by bits of blood and wandering knives that have shrunk along the water dog.

Meanwhile, just a few feet away, the little sparrow holds the dragon youkai above its head with its wings, then throws her down to his thin knee with all his strength, and applies a noisy backbreaker that causes the girl to gag in her attempt to scream.

As soon as he kicks her upward, he twirls in the air and spin-kicks the redhead away, just as the little devil in the tight, totally revealing fairy-dress and red panties enters the room and calls "Patchouli-samaaaa! Please, stop hiding and give me my clothes baaa-**aack?**"

She's struck by Meiling's body, bounces diagonally-left from the wall, bounces from the floor, then the ceiling, then the other wall, then is kicked by the RKNS, then bounces off the recovering gate guard's head, then the center of the ceiling, then off Jumy's back, then lands in a moaning daze inside the slow-closing evil cabinet.

The understandably furious gate guard covered in bandages and band-aids springs on her feet, and furiously demands "where the **HELL** is that cheap-shot son-of-a-bird!"

Hina spins through the scene from left to right, singing "spinning~, spinning~, unfortunate spinning~", and a giant metal washtub falls right on top of the dragon youkai's head, knocking her down after a few seconds of crazed giggling.

Meanwhile, outside the ship, the evil little creature spawned from the deepest darkest regions of Shikieiki's worst nightmares, grabs the massive ship from the bottom, and tweets as he uses every single muscle in its miniature body to turn the whole flying eyesore upside-down.

Inside the ship, Flandre giggles happily as the entire Scarlet Demon Ark is being turned around, while all the other girls (except the missing Koa, or the unconscious Meiling, of course) scream in sheer terror from within the slime monster's body.

The little blonde flies to avoid colliding with the ceiling (which happens to be the floor now), and screams "JUMYYYYY!", after her lovable little pet falls and becomes a splat on the woodwork, thus releasing the trapped girls it had inside.

Remilia springs off the ground, inexplicably wearing her pink swimsuit with the frilly waist, and furiously declares "I'm gonna erase that bird from HISTORY," then punches a hole on the now-floor and quickly flies outside.

Patchouli, who inexplicably wears an indigo bikini, scratches her head as she gets off the ground, and asks "has anybody seen Koakuma around. I need a back massage."

Sakuya, who wears a leather mistress suit with a red bottom, whips the crying, gagged, tied, and totally helpless Meiling on the back, stops beating on the gate guard to casually look back, and says "I'm sorry, but I haven't seen her."

The librarian groans while stretching her pale, silky bare back with some slightly visible love handles on the sides on the hips, and says "oh well. I guess I'll go back to my room and-"

"**I'LL HELP YOU,**" declares the little sister, to which the purple-themed, barely dressed magician desperately shakes her head and says "no, no, it's alright! I'll just rest!"

The little sister's vicious face indicates she's not listening, and all the terrified magician can do is raise her arms defensively, and clench her eyes shut, as the crazed vampire squeals "Jumy~ You're alright!"

The slime monster in the shape of a small puppy licks the little girl's face and makes her giggle out loud, allowing Patchouli a powerful sigh of relief, and just as she smiles and begins her flight to her small study, the young mistress says "now you can help me massage Patchy~", and the well endowed bookworm gasps and twitches as her face turns blue with fright.

Meanwhile, outside, Remilia and Rabid Karate Night Sparrow ignore the bloody "**MUUUUKYYYUUUUUNN~**" from inside the ship, as they face each other on top of the ship's belly.

The Scarlet Devil raises her right claw, points at the bird, and ominously says "I don't know what the hell's your problem with us now, but..."

She raises both hands, summons a spell card to her right hand, and declares "I'll just have to solve it by cooking you to a crisp! Divine Spear, Spear of the Gungnir!", then throws her spear with all her might.

The evil little bird takes flight and prepares to grab the scarlet spear with its claws again, but the mistress grins vilely and adds "Spread!"

Just like that, the spear separates into countless tiny red spears, and the bird whistles with surprise.

Remilia smiles smugly with victory already in her grasp, then her smile is replaced with shock after the gasp she makes so abruptly, before covering her face with her arms, while the volley of spears fly by her.

After the flying spears pass by, she unwinds her arms, and with two white disks for eyes and jagged teeth, the shouts "HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? **KYAAAIGH!** Auuuuuuuu~"

The RKNS has grabbed Remilia's swimsuit from behind, given the mistress a powerful wedgie, leaving those pale, pale cheeks completely exposed in the air, then winds her up and throws her head-first against the ship, turning it around again to its upright position.

The vampire mistress wakes up on the deck of the ship with one hell of a headache and a sore groin, and as she stands up, she pulls the uncomfortable nether regions free if their tight squeezed swimsuit, and looks around to realize she's not alone.

Her powerful embarrassment turns her entire face blood red, but before she can scream, the nosebleeding maid of perversion approaches her with a small piece of folded paper, and says "my lady, you did it. The ship's back in good shape, and upright!"

The mistress stammers with embarrassment while accepting the piece of paper and looking around, then takes notice of Meiling, lying on the ground with her butt raised and steaming, and Patchouli lying next to the gate guard, with her back shaped like a zigzag, and her legs bent outward.

As her embarrassment diminishes, she slowly looks up at Sakuya and asks "what's this?", while opening the piece of paper.

On it, there is a message that reads "Thank you very much for the fun afternoon. I hope we can do this again soon. Love, The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow."

The vampire's face turns red with rage, her body shiver violently, and she screams "that mangy **mo***** ****** ****** piece of ****** feather duster **** ***** *********! I am going to KILL HIM!**", all while shredding the piece of paper into tinier pieces and repeatedly jumping on those after they land.

From the sky above, a black blob asks "is that being a potty mouth~?", to which Flandre, who sits next to her cursing sister, casually smiles and says "yup. One hell of a charisma break here!"

Patchouli moans as she tries to move her arms, then groans after a thud and a very loud crack, then expels her breath while smiling.

The mysterious cabinet has fallen from the sky and landed on her sexy bare back, straightening it back to its gloriously perfect shape, then Koakuma, wearing a sun hat, a red shirt with pink palm trees, and a long grass skirt, walks out of that piece of furniture, waves inside and calls "thanks for the drink boys~", then looks around, sighs with delight, and says "now then, back to work I..."

After looking around at the vampires, gate guard, magician, and (don't know why) chief maid lying on the deck, she raises an eyebrow, scowls, and says "well, I leave for only two months, and everyone becomes a lazy sloth! So sloppy!"

Remilia pulls a glass of blood from her swimsuit, says "please, Koa, it's been a long one," then gulps down the entire glass, and all that blood sprinkles out of several unseen holes on her body.

Flandre grimaces while looking at her sister, the little devil raises an eyebrow toward her mistress, and the vampire girl looks confused at the staring girls, takes a look at herself, then she takes a deep breath, raises her hands and face toward the sky, and screams "**CLASSIC SPRINKLER JOOOOOOOOOKE~**"

* * *

Later that evening, the raging Kanako flies above the ships, and cautiously analyzes every single one of them while muttering to herself "calling me an old hag while my back is turned. You're going to pay. Divine retribution befalls all."

She swoops down from the clouds, stops eight feet above the front of all four ships, then cackles like a maniac to get as many of the almost pirate girls' attention.

After making sure she's being watched, she summons eight sacred logs that spin around her in a circle, shoots beams from all her fingers that cross the logs and spread into four more beams each, mixes them with thick oval bullets, and as soon as the first beam touches the first ship, she shouts "MUAHAHAHAHAAAA I'm NOT an old hag! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA~"

The girls scream in horror as their ships begin to sink, YET AGAIN, to the land below, and from the Palanquin, Minamitsu shouts "DAMMIIIIIT This chapter got extended after all! ARGH! We're going down again!"

By some form of miracle, Chiyuri's ship is the **only** one that remains airborne the longest.

From it, Mystia sings "captain~ we are under attack~ Should we re~tali~ate~?"

Chiyuri furiously shouts "what the HELL kind of question is that! **OF COURSE YOU SHOULD RETALIATE! FIRE AAAAALLLLL!**"

All eight deck cannons shoot their balls at the same time, and all head straight to Kanako's old-lady hairdo.

The goddess sees the cannonballs coming, shouts "you dare attack a GOD?", and shoots those balls with beams and charms.

The mirror-polished orbs reflect every single shot back at the insane goddess of war, and all she can say to that is "ohh, balls come to my face now," and by some defiance of logic, the mirror balls explode like bombs upon touching the bushy hair, red outfit, or ample bosom of the goddess.

Right after Kanako explodes, her flaming body takes a dive straight at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's bow, and all the girls on it scream as their ship catches fire, before it plunges to the ground below.

Skipping the crashing, exploding, pieces of wood flying everywhere, girls being tossed around like dolls, and bodies piling up on top of debris, we find many girls groaning and moaning as they get off the grass or pieces of lumber.

Ignoring the many girls, we focus on Orange, whom lies on top of Chiyuri, and it looks like they are kissing again, though upon closer inspection, they are plainly unconscious, for the time being.

Kyouko flies over, followed closely by Koishi, then the flying girls snicker, and the yamabiko says "heheh, lesbians. Aren't they cute?"

The satori giggles and says "aww, and we didn't even help cause this little kiss. I'm a little disappointed."

The orange-haired youkai slowly opens her eyes as she regains her consciousness at the same time the blonde captain does, and it doesn't take too long for the girls to notice the easily misunderstood state in which they are on.

They blush as they look into each others' eyes, then Orange frowns, her eyes water, and... oh crap, I may have pushed her too far.

The poor girl pushes herself off the blonde, sniffles and sobs after dropping on her knees, then breaks down to cry. (Great, now I feel like a monster.)

She rubs her watery eyes as she slumps and cries "it's not faaaaaiiiirrr! I didn't do anything wrong, and *hic* bad stuff keep happening, and *sob* he keeps forcing me on girls, and *sob-sob* makes fun of me, and makes me huuuuuuurt!"

"Oh, now he's done it! Way to go Willie G.R.! You made a cute girl cry! Are you proud of yourself?", says the flat-chested blonde captain while looking at nowhere in particular.

Kyouko and Koishi shake their heads and click their tongues in disapproval, making me feel even worse, especially with Orange sobbing and boo-hooing louder.

And so, seeing as I made this girl cry without need or making it look funny in any way...

Byakuren walks from behind, kneels behind her, combs her orange hair, and sweetly says "now, now, calm down. No more crying, alright."

The youkai girl sobs, chokes, and when she tries to speak again, she cries "but it's just *sob* not fair. I've been *sob* good, and all I get is pain and more pain *hic*."

The Youkhrist grabs the girl in a warm and tight embrace, calming her down fast enough for her to stop crying almost instantly, and smiles that sweet and motherly smile of hers, as she softly says "there you go. No more crying. You don't look as cute when you cry."

Orange's eyes remain watery as she slowly stretches her lips and smiles, then the sudden surge of warmth and relief fills her head, and without realizing it, she falls asleep on that comfortable chest.

Byakuren giggles, presses a finger against her own lips to signal the other girls to remain silent, then whispers "come on, let's go and make dinner. We all deserve a warm meal after the day we had today."

The Palanquin girls raise their fists in a silent cheer, and fly after the motherly monk and the sleeping youkai.

Chiyuri watches as they leave, sighs, then says to nobody in particular "eh, whatever. Can't expect a treat like that for myself. Bah, even if I did, I'm still getting you, Willie."

For some reason, I don't feel like owning this girl (kinda feeling all warm and fuzzy after that scene), so instead, Yumemi crawls from beneath a chunk of bamboo, wearing a small red bikini, tight enough to reveal some features, and coughs and says "oh man, that was a nasty crash."

The blonde captain with the bleeding nose, pants hard as steam rises from her ears, then says "alright, so maybe I'll forgive a few. Now... thanks for the meal!"

The red-themed scientist twitches upon laying her eyes on her subordinate standing ominously in front, then nervously asks "um, Ch-Chiyuri? Why are you looking at me with those hungry eyes?"

Since this **IS** a T rated fic, we can only hear Yumemi scream and moan with pleasure while her curvy and slightly tanned body is being ravaged by the hungry blonde captain wannabe, so, umm, use your imaginations on this one, 'kay?

Meanwhile, at the entrance of the Youkai Forest, Kanako chuckles nervously while sitting on her knees and looking up at the several burnt tengu and kappa glaring down at her.

Some hold weapons, while others just snicker while staring at the downed goddess.

The airheaded woman chuckles, then says "um... it was the author's fault. Er... he made me do it."

"Ara~ Regardless of that," begins Suwako, who sits on a rock to the right, full of scratches and nasty burn marks "you caused a lot of trouble and grief, old lady. Now I suggest you say _ahh_ while we apply divine punishment to that body you chose to inhabit. So now... bottoms up boys and girls!"

Kanako suddenly finds herself tied with her face, arms and ankles to the ground, and her butt to the air, but even in the position she is on, she can see the kappa, tengu, and curse goddess, softly smacking paddles against their hands.

All the way at the Moriya Shrine, at the top of the Youkai Mountain, Sanae hums happily as she sets up the table for a romantic dinner for two.

She sighs with delight and coos at the sight of a job well done, then says "oh, I hope he likes it! Tee-hee, this should beat the rose-petal cuddle-chair date he prepared for me last time."

"**!**"

Kanako's horrible howling scream reaches all the way up to the shrine, startling the shrine maiden to almost having a heart attack, and promptly after recovering from the surprise, she exclaims "what the HECK was that?"

The entire shrine explodes, thus closing a wonderful chapter of Tales of the Almost Pirates.

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Kimi, Kali, the little red-haired fairy, and the RKNS were created by Willie G.R.

Referenced elements belong to their respective owners.

**WHAT WAS REALLY SAID BY LILY AND CHEN DURING THEIR DIALOGUE:**

!) Por fin, los houevos estan cocidos! = At last, the eggs are hard-boiled!

2) 卵、牛乳、ソーセージ、レモン、穀物！ = Eggs, milk, sausage, lemons, cereal!

3) トーンの音であなたのメッセージを残す！ = Leave your message at the sound of the tone!

4) Me fui a caminar con mi novio al parque! Nos tocamos y nos besamos! = I went walking with my boyfriend to the park! We touched each other and kissed!

5) (French) Je ne suis pas sous-vetements! = I'm not wearing underwear!

6) (Irish) Bhfuil roinnt beoir, agus an ifreann stoptar suas! Nuhuhuhu = Have some beer, and shut the hell up! Nuhuhuhu

DEC 9 2011

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Yeah, I know, I should be writing the Icicle Sukima, or Undying Gensokyo final chapters, but I NEEDED the random stuff. Please remember that Tales of the Almost Pirates is a totally-humor spin-off, and as such, it takes elements from the main stories and turns them on themselves. That's why Kali is alive and well here. Isn't that great?**

**Now, since it's been so long since the 6th chapter of TotAP was posted, I may have forgotten some things I intended to do. For example, I think I said little evil Byakuren was going to get into a fight with Chiyuri, but I liked the idea of Lily Black better, particularly since she hasn't appeared in this mess yet, and I thought it was a fun idea. Also... well I forgot what I was going to say. Anyway, thanks for reading this, and if your brain cells are still intact, then I did a terrible job in this chapter. Take care, and see you around.**

**A quick note. Don't fret about tiny Byakuren. She'll be rebooted by next chapter, and not that I used Google Translate for those awesome off-sync dialogues.**


	8. Chapter 8

It is a very lovely morning at the skies over Gensokyo, and on the deck of the Scarlet Demon Ark, Sakuya, whom has returned to her usual maid's outfit, is currently in a blissful state as she cleans her mistress' ears.

The vampires rests her head on the maid's sexy thigh, which is covered by a soft, but sturdy napkin, and is currently facing the girl's crotch while squirming around with a pink face, flapping her wings lightly and very rapidly, and moaning and whimpering cutely while the silver haired girl cleans that ear.

The chief maid adds very soft brushes to her mistress' soft, short and wavy hair with her free hand, while gently tending to that vampire's ear.

She stops moving the thin stick around, allowing the seemingly young girl to rest while she rubs the cotton ball at the end of the stick around said ear, then softly says "alright My Lady, turn around so that I may clean the other one."

The flushed vampire fails to see the perverted look on the blissful maid's face as she turns around, and softly says "please be gentle with me."

Sakuya's nose bursts with blood she quickly catches in a jar, so as not to disturb her mistress, briskly cleans her nose, lips and chin, and says "y-yes, of course My Lady."

In her mind, the lolicon maid imagines having Remilia trapped in her room, shivering on her bed, wearing a thin set of sleeping cloths that do nothing to hide her cute white panties, and with an adorably confused and frightened face, saying "please be gentle with me."

Even Izayoi finds herself wondering why she isn't flying off in a burst of rocket-nose-blood, but just sighs happily, and continues smiling blissfully while cleaning the whimpering vampire's ear gently, and thoroughly.

Long after the cleaning has ended, the vampire remains on her maid's thigh while said girl keeps combing her hair with her fingers, keeping the mistress feeling warm, relaxed and fuzzy, and quite content of the sweet treatment.

"S-Sakuya," softly says the cute vampire pirate, getting a soft quizzical hum from said maid, and continues "c-can... can we stay like this for a little longer?"

The silver-haired girl giggles softly while combing the girl's head and rubbing her hip, then says "of course My Lady. We can-"

Remilia grabs Sakuya and flies away with her, then there's a loud **CRASH**, followed by a horrifying **CRACK**, then the vampire clicks her tongue and angrily says "damn that blasted cabinet! It was trying to KILL US! And at such a good moment too!"

The girls land five feet in front of the evil piece of wood ware, glower at it with weapons bare, then the chief maid declares "I'll make you suffer for ruining my special time with my lady!"

The cabinet's dual doors burst open, then Koakuma jumps from within in her black bra, and apparent bare bottom, screaming "**NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Miss Sakuya, Miss Remilia, it wants to LOVE ME TENDERLY!**"

As she pulls herself out of the cabinet, revealing her sexy curves, perfect skin, those bouncy pearls trapped in those tight clothes, a pair of black panties with a cute little red ribbon on the front, disappointing several perverts wishing she was naked down there, and desperately flapping her head and back-wings, about fifteen slimy, semi-transparent lilac tentacles reach for and coil around her limbs, waist and neck, and fights to pull her in.

The two gawking girls quickly snap out of their shock, the vampire declares "don't let it take her inside," then the maid's mind starts working overtime.

She imagines her semi-naked mistress in black underwear strapped against her will by several tentacles that have restrained her limbs, and has spread them open for better access of all the good spots, while she pants "no, hah-, no! Le-haah-LET ME GO!"

She cannot take this much pervertedness at once, jet-streams of blood push her body off the ship, and sends her crashing to the Unnamed Ghost Ship, where the girls scream a bloody scream before the maid impacts and causes a nuclear explosion, for some reason.

Remilia looks back with her eyes hidden in a shadow of disbelief, while muttering "what the hell just happen?"

Koakuma screeches "NOOOOOO~" then gets pulled into the cabinet, which bounces back twice and lands on its feet.

The blue-haired captain quickly rushes over to the devil's aid, ignoring the screams of horror from the other ships colliding with the Unnamed Ghost Ship, and declares "I'll save you Koa! Just hold on!"

She grabs the double-doors, pulls them open, glowers inside, then her eyes suddenly bulge and almost pop out of their sockets, her wings stiffen, her face turns beet red, then she screams "KYAAAAAAAAAH~ MEILING! PATCHY! HELP MEEEEEEE!"

Inside the cabinet is a 3D image of Rinnosuke and Unzan, both wearing a red fundoshi while flexing their incredibly buff muscles back-to-back.

Their tight, rock-hard skins shine as though thoroughly oiled, the drops of sweat keep jumping from one muscle to the next while gravity pulls them down, their manly abs glisten with unexplained sprays of water, and both keep blowing sexy manly kisses toward the confused, heated and terrified vampire girl.

The cabinet closes up, Koakuma's muffled screams for help immediately come from within "SOMEBODY SAVE ME, PLEASE," then a tiny Ran with nine cat tails, a big head, large cat-like golden eyes, thin neck, and wears a white shirt and blue skirt, jumps on the cabinet, rapidly nods three times while humming "HUN-HUN-HUN," then jumps off, grabs the furniture from beneath, lifts it with ease, then runs away while humming and nodding thrice at the little devil's screaming "DON'T JUST CARRY ME AWAY!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, Nue mutters furiously as she nails some boards to cover the maid imprinted hole on the ship's bow, then a splash of salty water sprays her all over, the water glistening as it crashes against her glorious curves, and-

"**THAT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU PERVERT! I'M PISSED!**" shouts the undefined one toward someone, yet nobody in particular.

She continues muttering angrily on the wet platform and speeds her efforts in order to finish the job, head inside, and take a warm bath to take off all that salty water violating her bo-

"**QUIT IT!**"

Meanwhile, up on the deck, Byakuren, who now wears a pink wristband on her left wrist, sighs as she looks over the horizon while resting her elbow on the starboard (right) side rails, then drums her fingers on the wood.

Shou approaches the pirate monk magician from behind, and softly warns "Lady Hijiri, please stay away from the rails. It's particularly dangerous for you."

"Ah, but Shou," softly begins the sexy woman in a peaceful tone, "the view is so wonderful, and the wind on my face reminds me of a man's gentle touch as he prepares to ravage my body."

Her blissful, pink face and peaceful eyes betray the lusty words coming from inside her mouth; words that have left the tiger youkai with a red face, white marble-sized dots for eyes, and a cat-like box-shaped gaping mouth.

"Hiji-Hiji-Byak-... **WHAT THE HELL KIND OF COMPARISON IS THAT?**"

The stammering tiger is ignored by the monk, whose face turns a little redder as she sighs, shifts her thighs, and says "such a wonderful morning. So many feelings. I might just faint out of ecstasy."

By now, the perverted Bishamonten representative has so much blood running down her nose, her lips and chin are completely red, but she knows she has to play the strong voice of conscience, so she turns around to clean her face, and firmly says "Byakuren, I highly suggest you quit thinking such lewd things. You are our leader, for Buddha's sake! And as such, you must-WUAGH!"

She turns around again in mid-sentence and find's Byakuren's pirate boots, vest, shirt, and eye-patch where said woman was standing before, but the body is not there.

Knowing what just happened, the exceedingly nervous tiger youkai mutters incoherently before rushing to the side of the ship, then reaches down while screaming "**LADY HIJIRIIIIIIIIIII!**"

The cute and sexy monk is in her normal white undergarment, looking up with a smile while softly shouting "I don't know how but I'm faliiiiing!"

Minamitsu rushes to Shou's said and shouts "oh no, she fell again," while leaning against the rails.

Ichirin walks over and sighs, then says "one can only wonder how she does that," to which Unzan just crosses his arms under his chin and nods.

Nazrin hops on, and crouches on the rails, displaying excellent balance as she looks down and disappointedly says "this is just painful to watch. *Sigh* But don't worry, I'll go get her."

Before the mouse jumps down, from the portside (left) rails, Nue calls "hey, did Byakuren fall over the ship's railings again?"

The girls (and cloud-man) turn around, then gasp and stare in complete shock at the undefined girl, who, understandably, gets annoyed and asks "what? I'm wearing panties this time! Sheesh!"

"What's with all the ruckus, girls?"

That high-pitched, child-like, deceivingly innocent voice sends such powerful chills down Nue's spine, the girl crawls all the way behind the gawking girls (and cloud-man), and whimpers "it's the devil!"

Above the railings floats the deceivingly adorable child-Byakuren, who glares down at the girls while angrily saying "don't you know I have to have my beauty sleep! Now stop with the screaming and the talking and let. me. SLEEP!"

Suddenly, a cat-like silhouette jumps over the little girl, catches her inside a brown sack, and lands perfectly balanced on the ship's railing, then looks back.

She has platinum-blonde hair that link to her large pair of cat ears, a long, thin, waving tail that pops out between her long purple skirt and cream-colored shirt, and has a pair of large, cat-like grey eyes.

To her left appears chibi-neko Ran, who seems to be smiling as she stares on with those cat-like eyes and mouth, but just sways her extremely thick, lone yellow tail around (it's all nine tails tired together with a rubber band), appearing to be seemingly harmless.

Chibi-neko Miko salutes the girls with her right hand, and in a high-pitched voice, says "nyan~ Don't worry, we'll take care of this."

"HUNHUNHUN" rapidly says the blonde cat while nodding thrice.

"Now remember, you didn't see anything. And if the penguins do come, tell them the kettle turned black, and the eggs are broiled."

"HUNHUNHUN" rapidly says the little Ran while nodding thrice again.

The little Miko salutes again, jumps off the railings, then Murasa points forward with her ladle and declares "AFTER THEM," then Kyouko and Orange rise from the starboard (right) side of the ship, holding the messed up, bush-on-hair/leaves-on-tattered-dress Byakuren, then the orange girl says "what the hell are you doing? While you were doing nothing up here, we had to go and save Lady Hijiri from Yakra and the Dragon Tank!"

"Yeah," angrily begins the yamabiko. "Lightning and fire were USELESS against that thing, but we still saved her from both! Now, we demand EXTRA rations on our lunch today, or we'll take Hijiri for ourselves!"

All the girls (and could-man), save the mouse, stare with a gasp and in fright at the two little heroes, then Nazrin, who seems completely unamused by the whole thing, casually says "well, you can go ahead and take her. That will make you both lesbians anyway."

The two little, not-so-heroic heroines, twitch and choke after such a blunt truth is plastered right in front of their eyes, and in their shock, they forget to hold Byakuren by her arms, allowing the semi-conscious monk to slip right out of her undershirt, and fall down in her sexy red underwear while suddenly screaming "and here I fall agaaaaaaiiiiiin~"

"Ah", is the only word the two little lesbians can say as they watch their monk falling down on a strange ship that looks like an X-Wing replica, only cooler, and piloted by a cool orange fox youkai.

Before he complains of the stowaway, he notices her gorgeous womanly figure barely covered by such attractive pieces of cloth, his nose blows enough blood to paint the entire cockpit red, then the ships alarm starts beeping.

The girls watch on, then Nue says "oh, he's headed to the Youkai Mountain," there's a very loud explosion, some screams of terror, then Murasa's nose burst with blood at the same times as Shou's and Ichirin's, then Kogasa jumps in front of the scene and shouts "oh my goodness, she lost her underwear!"

"**SHE LOST HER UNDERWEAR**" echoes the little parrot-like yamabiko, who looks down in shame at the glowering Unzan, shrugs, and says "I can't help it! ...I'M SORRY!"

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere at the Youkai Mountain, Futo exits the dojo to begin her daily routine of watering the flowers, meditating, drinking a sports drink she's come to love so much, and kicking the living hell out of the training dummies.

She smiles as she picks up her watering pale, which happens to be full of rain water, hums a merry tune as she approaches the bed of flowers on a long clay base, and as she showers them, she says "salutations dear and colorful flora. My, another beautiful day has risen, and once more, thou hast survived the darkness of night. I commend thee for thine beauty and strength."

She suddenly looks forward, grimaces, throws the watering pale away, and angrily says "for the love of-"

Something large, metallic, big, and that goes "**BUCK-CAW**" jumps on Futo's cute frame, but she manages to kick the thing off of her and roll backward on her feet, landing in a fighting stance, and shouts "FINE! HAVE AT THEE!"

In front of her is that giant metallic chicken from the other chapter, though this time it has a large belly, and a meaner face, with a chromed beak under a pair of red eyes.

It takes a fighting stance, hops twice while playing its feet around, then stops, narrows its eyes, and gestures its hand for Mononobe to come and attack. ...And attack she does.

The gray-haired girl rushes forward with a solid jab the metal chicken dodges by bending backward, and counters with a kick the girl dodges by swaying left.

The chicken quickly draws a wooden chair out of nowhere and smashes it against the cutie, who jumps away to recover from the shock of the impact and slap away the remaining wood chips from her shirt.

After recovering, and looking upon the smirk of the evil fowl, Futo clicks her tongue, pulls a birthday cake she had for Miko out from under her shirt, takes a bite off of it, then throws it at the offender's face.

"**BUCK-CAW**" screams the chicken just before starting to run around in a circle with its wings spread open.

The shikaisen/hermit-moe moves in with a large wooden beam and smashes it against the metallic monster's head, knocking it to the ground where she progresses to sit on its chest to pummel its beak with repeated punches.

But the chicken blocks the third punch, catching the girl off guard, punches the left side of her head, forcing her off of itself, then progresses to follow after her in a fighting stance.

Meanwhile, further to the left of the dojo's courtyard (it's actually a mere five feet from the fight), is the REAL Miko Toyosatomimi, with her platinum blonde hair standing up to look like a large pair of ears, wearing a pair of headphones on her real ears, a dirty-yellow colored karate suit, and nodding her head while apparently meditating on a patch of grass.

She can hear a light **WHUD** coming from nearby, opens her right, grey eye, lifts the right headphone to listen, revealing that she's currently listening to music with those, and when no sound other than her music graces her ears, she shrugs with a hum, and continues dance-meditating in peace.

She explodes and screams out loud as her body is flung all over the sky, where more explosions out of nowhere keep occurring, sending the saint flying around and screaming at random.

"WHAT THE HEEEEEEEELLLLLLL~" screams the poor girl after one of the explosions, this one green in color, sends her plummeting to the ground, just to be blown upward by a round blue bomb that comes from below.

Futo and the Metal Chicken sit on a pair of lawn chairs set beside a small round white table with orange drinks and popcorn so that they may enjoy a nice treat while watching Miko scream as she is blown up all over the air by unexplained explosions.

As the two odd couple enjoy the show, a two-tailed spirit with light-green hair, green eyes, and wearing a dark-green dress and black hat with a charm on, stares from behind them with a flat gaze, grins mischievously, chuckles softly as she takes all the popcorn with the entire bowl, then disappears from sight, snickering.

Futo reaches for another handful of popcorn, but when she fails to feel the bowl she taps the table repeatedly, looks to her empty hand, then to the fat metal chicken on her right, and angrily demands "hey! Return those salty poppy morsels before I thrash thine face with mine fist."

The chicken quickly sits upright, threatening to get up while growling a soft "buck-buck buckawwww," and failing to notice how quiet it has gotten.

A sword with a sun-shaped tip on the hilt flies between the quarreling onlookers, stabs itself on the center of the table, splits said table in two, then the girl and chicken look up at the sky at a furious, fuming, red-faced girl that's blowing steam out of her nose.

"HEY! What's the matter with you? Didn't you see me getting blown up all over? Couldn't you HELP me?" screams the furious saint while flinging her arms and feet all over the air.

Futo snaps her finger while looking up to the air, and says "ah, that's right, I was fighting," then grabs her half of the round table and smashes it on top of the chicken's head, destroying the table in the process.

The fowl grunts, then pounces on the girl's stomach, and then the fight resumes.

The two deliver punches on their stomachs, ribs, chests, and even the occasional low blows between the legs that, somehow, seem to affect the chicken too.

The two fighters are getting tired and their punches seem to be slowing down, yet Futo still manages to block a left hook, then launches one of her own, landing it softly on the side of the fowl beak.

She pants while the metal bird does a wicked forced slow motion flip in the air because of the lightly soft punch, then everything stops when Yuyuko walks by, and stares at the tired fighters, and somehow, the chicken, who stopped the flip in mid-air, manages to step back down to the ground to stare.

The ghostly princess smiles and giggles, touches the chicken on the chest, then turns around and gropes a screeching Futo, then says "how disappointing," and walks away.

The red-faced hermit wraps her arms around her chest as she growls furiously, then shouts "HEY! I'M A **-CUP!"

Suddenly, a pixilated man in green walks over to the chicken, pushes a white stick through its leg, the chicken immediately pops into a pixilated blue display of fireworks, then the little man catches the fowl's beak, raises it above its head as an 8-bit fanfare plays, then walks away.

Futo just watches on and on as the tiny man goes away, blinks three times, then says to herself "no more of those delicious rubbery candy bears before bed for me!"

* * *

Moments later, Tojiko finishes enjoying the bowl of popcorn, stares at the empty bowl, tosses it away, then said bowl clangs softly, and a little girls angrily demands "hey! This isn't a bottle! I can't put my potions in this! GIVE ME A GLASS BOTTLE!"

They dual-tailed ghost turns around to stare at Rumia with total disinterest, as said blonde tosses the bowl away and pulls out a rusty pirate's sword out of its sheath.

The little blonde gets closer to the ghost girl, and demands "fine! If you don't have a glass bottle for my potions, then at least give me some gold, or gald, maybe rubies, or maybe some munny! SOMETHING!"

The green-haired ghost sighs, floats closer to the attacker, and with a sly smirk she asks "so, you plan to rob me all by yourself? You got guts, kid. Now give me a good reason why I shouldn't fry you to a crisp with a bolt of lightning right this very instant."

Rumia mimics the smirk, closes her eyes, places a hand on her ribbon under the red and white-polka dotted bandana, then pulls it off without hesitation, and a swirl of darkness revolves around her, rising from the ground until is covers her from head to toes, grows taller, then disperses in an instant, leaving Tojiko as unimpressed as ever.

Rumia now has long blonde hair, and hold a large black buster sword on her hands, but one thing she didn't take into account, was her pirate's outfit.

Her new-ish black vest barely covers her shirt, which looks like it's about to burst around the chest, seeing as the sudden expansion within it is too much.

Her broken skirt is now a mere piece of cloth going around her waist, failing to cover the tight black panties that have replaced the yellowish bloomers, and to top it all off, her legs have become GORGEOUSLY perfect, her butt looks firm and soft to the touch, and her skin has become... wait, that's as pale as ever.

After the ghost girl gets a much better look at the woman before her, her arms drop, her expression and eyes become blank, drool starts to dribble out of the corner of her mouth, and her cheeks turn lightly pink.

The dark youkai expands her chest proudly, punches herself on the chest to show off, then says "a tight fit, but I'm sure you understand now, what a mistake it would be to challenge me. Now be a dear, and HAAAANNNNN~?"

Before long, Tojiko is floating behind the sexy, grown-up Rumia, groping the girl until they fall down to the ground, where moaning starts taking place.

**3 HOUR LATER**

After the sounds of moaning stop, the green-haired ghost girl rises from the ground, licking her lips and slurping contently, then starts floating away from the white corpse left behind while saying "I'm going to have to try that with Futo-chan later this evening."

"W-w-wait," grunts the shivering mass of flesh attempting to get back on her feet.

Once she get's Tojiko's attention, she stands up firmly, miraculously recovered fully, and shouts "JUST A DARN MINUTE! You think you can do all that stuff to me and just float away? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF ME!"

The ghost turns to face Rumia, opens her mouth wide, then multi-colored balls of light, blue thunderbolts, green sparks, and a blue swimsuit with jogging shoes, blast, shock, strike, and crush the two girls flat on the ground.

The blonde lifts her head, then chibi-neko Miko jumps on it, smashing it back to the ground, and shouts "the treasure is just around the corner, nyan! BRING MORE TUNA!"

She jumps away and continues on her way, then the green-haired ghost lifts her head, but is knocked away when Miko runs after her tiny self while shouting "this is just the beginning! Let's take the B route 'till the end!"

Both Rumia and Tojiko wait for a minute after the girl leaves, slowly lift their heads, then Marisa flies by, blowing both girls away to the sky, thanks to the shockwave following her broom, before cheering "onward to adventure!", and continuing on her way.

Before their bodies hit the ground, a being in a golden suit with a large red helmet that has two grey tubes on what should be the mouth, and a metallic-silver arm canon, rushes by, knocking the girls away to the air, yet again, then its body turns blue, and several after-images of itself trail behind it as she shouts a static-muffled "Miss Marisa, please, get the Eldest Daughter! I don't want to be in here all day."

The two girls finally fall on their faces, their bodies almost digging their way through the ground, then both girls groan when they try to get up, and drop on their faces due to exhaustion.

A little blue man wearing a strange blue helmet, jumps on and off Rumia in an odd manner, shoots three white pellets from its blue buster arm-canon, then jumps on Tojiko and runs on her body before jumping away.

"My brain hurts," muffles the green-haired ghost, to which the blonde of darkness replies "by boobs are sore."

An orange falls between the girls, splatters as it becomes a peach, rebuilds itself into chibi-neko Ran, then said girl looks at the knocked out girls, nods thrice, and says "HUN-HUN-HUN!"

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere over the skies of Gensokyo, the cabinet flies by with some very noisy screaming, yelping, panting and groaning, waking up a blonde girl in a blue maid's outfit from her nap beside a nice, cool tree below.

Mugetsu smacks her lips while rubbing her right honey-yellow eye with the back of her wrist, turns around on her back to look up at the sunny sky, curls her legs up, pats the red ribbon over her chest, hugs her knees while agilely sitting straight, then groggily says "on-onee-chan. Wake up. We have to find that Ail guy today."

Gengetsu, whom has longer blonde hair, golden-honey eyes like her little sister, has a pair of white feathered wings growing out of her back, and is wearing a white shirt with the left sleeve ripped off, a pair of red pants, and has a brown belt with a sword and an old pistol secured against it, looks around with sleepy and annoyed eyes, and yawns while trying to scowl.

She groans as she pushes herself off the nice grass, getting off the ground along her sister, smacks her lips before letting out another long and loud yawn, then says "right, right. Ail. Ugh, I still can't believe you're making me go through this."

The younger sister frowns while placing her fists on her hips, and says "he got us out here, and because of him we saw a lot of nice things. It's only proper to thank him for it."

"Hai, hai," softly answers the annoyed sibling, stretching her wings and moaning contently as she does so.

Her face suddenly turns pink, her eyes start to tear up, her mouth becomes a wriggled smile, and after a very satisfying sigh, she drops back on the grass on her belly, and moans "oh yes, that feels good!"

Mugetsu happens to, conveniently, be looking away from her sister at the moment, but hearing those lusty moans makes her turn her shivering head around while asking "o-onee-chan, what are you-ERK?", and soon ends up flushed and staring at her panting sister in shock.

Standing over Gengetsu is Agava, who is currently enjoying the softness of said blonde's feathers between her fingers, shuddering contently as she does, while giving the dream demon a most enjoyable wing massage.

"Oh-ho-hu-hu, such soft feathers. Mmm, I could get addicted to this."

The subdued blonde's wings and body suddenly stiffen for a moment, surprising the shadow youkai, she stops her breathing for a few seconds, expels her held breath, then lifts her left wing and through pants, says "pl-please. do. do. the. otherone!"

The blue-eyed shadow girl relaxes from the surprise, smiles gleefully, takes hold of the offered wing, and happily says "with pleasure!"

As soon as the lovely event begins anew, Mugetsu jumps and stomps her feet on the ground, and points at the shadow while angrily shouting "what the hell are you doing, you pervert?"

As if not being shouted at, Agava shudders as she rubs those soft wings some more, and blissfully says "enjoying these soft feathers for as much as I can."

The younger blonde stares blankly as the shadow girl, then points at her shameless, flushed, moaning older sister, and furiously shouts "GENGETSU! Have you no SHAME? G-get up this INSTANT!"

The girls totally ignore the common sense being spewed out of the maid's mouth, and continue the deliciously pleasurable event, smiling blissfully with red cheeks warming her face.

Mugetsu's right eye twitches as she grins maliciously, chuckles vilely, and softly mutters "so, you won't listen to me, huh?"

She winds her right hand behind herself, prepares crackling yellow energy, then mutters "alright, go ahead, enjoy yourselves. I'll just be here, cooking you perverts to a crisp."

"What's goin' on here?", comes the voice of Kotohime from the left, looking darkly at the three girls acting all shamelessly in plain sight.

She glances over to the blissful girls, then over to the maid, then coldly asks "well? Aren't **you** going to answer?"

"Who the heck are you?", asks the disgusted blonde, now ignoring the fact that her sister has started to moan a little louder.

The red-head narrows her left eye and says "I am officer Kotohime. Law enforcer around these parts. And you would do well to show some respect."

Mugetsu lets out a sigh of relief and says "OFFICER, great! Please, stop these shameless girls! They are-*click* eh?"

The maid-girl now finds her left hand strapped with a silver cuff linked to the police princess' wrist, strands of hair start springing out of her shocked head, then the police girl says "you are under arrest for peeping, and attempting to interrupt this couple. You're going downtown!"

The blonde loudly expresses her annoyed confusion, and furiously shouts "**WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU STUPID BITCH? I'M NOT THE ONE DOING LEWD THINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD!**"

Gengetsu and Agava sigh long and loudly at the same time as they both start to relax, Kotohime lifts her shooting finger while grinning mischievously at Mugetsu, then they all look toward the right, where a swirling black and purple vortex opens up.

Damien jumps out of said portal, flips his hood off, looks around with those glowing red eyes, then asks "hey, you sick perverts, I'll forgive your disgusting behavior if you answer me one question. Where is Ail?"

All the girls choke, their eyes burst open wide, the cuffs on the maid and the cop melt, then all four girl screech at the top of their lungs, and while three are running away with their hands raised above their heads, all screaming of the terror standing before them, the winged one crawls like a busted roach on a checkered kitchen floor.

The Lord of the _other_ Makai stares with a raised eyebrow, wondering what the hell just happened, then just shrugs and says "whatever. I'll find him myself."

He goes on his sort-of merry way toward an unknown destination, unaware of the tiny cat-like creature with soft black hair that covers the right eye (like Damien's), wearing a long black robe with a dropped hood (like Damien's), staring unblinking at the dark Lord with those large, red cat-like eyes (like... no wait, UNlike Damien's), and flicking his cat-like ears (...yes).

* * *

At the Moriya Shrine, Ail and Sanae share a towel-bed next to the lake, as they nap away under the rays of the sun while in their swimsuits.

Sanae wears her usual, though suspiciously tighter blue with light-blue polka-dots bikini, and Ail his usual purple swim trunks, and as an added bonus, the boy wears the pair of magical dog ears with stars on a night sky, which would explain the reason he's being merrily squeezed by his girlfriend against her bouncy pearls.

He... is... in... HEAVEN right now.

The perverted goddesses, Kanako and Suwako, hide behind some bushes to the couple's rights, and both drool with anticipation for what might happen if things keep on developing, even though the development did stop after the two love birds fell asleep.

"Hey, Kanako," whispers Suwako with a desperate pant. "Shouldn't we influence them to do... you know... something?"

The greatly endowed goddess of war sits with her legs crossed under her skirt while nodding, then glances over to kero-chan, and bluntly says "doing that will make us into demons, so no."

The tiny goddess sits like a frog on the ground with a disappointed pout on her face, and says "auu~ But I want to see them doing something. That whole 'sleeping-together' thing was cute until an hour ago. I want to see **SWEAT**, **PANTING**, **MOANING**, and more importantly ****!"

The blushing air-head nods three times, then casually says "I see. So you are already a demon."

Kanako is about the get a house-sized boulder smashed against her nodding head, but the little blonde goddess stops when her eyes aim themselves to the left, and the boulder turns to dust that rains down on Yasaka's head, whom just keeps nodding while humming "mm-hm mm-hm."

Kyo approaches the pair of perverted goddess, wearing a tight green tunic with a chain mail beneath, a pair of tight white pants that show off his toned, muscled legs, and a silly green cap that looks like it belongs to a gnome or elf.

He gives the drooling goddesses a very manly glance downward, and says "I'm looking for a glorious treasure so that I may tease Luna, and save my meals from extinction."

Those two perverts aren't sure why, but they are finding that attire incredibly manly, and begin to swoon like a couple of schoolgirls, cupping their hands together next to their faces, then chibi-neko Ran appears besides them, stares at the manly man, and blushes.

Kyo looks around, gasps when looking toward the lake, then activates his sword and shield, making himself look far too manly to be described, and causes the goddesses and chibi-neko to nosebleed as he points forward with his sword and declares "for Luna's deliciously warm meals!"

As he moves forward, a giant red octopus appears from the right and shoots a stone the manly man blocks with his shield.

He swings his sword while screaming "HYAAAAAAH" and defeats the monster with one swing, takes a long green jewel from the ground, and moves on to face two crocodile ninja humanoids that keep throwing screaming fairies at the hero.

Kyo bounces the fairies back with a swing of his sword while screaming "ZEEEIIIIIIII! Hah! HYAH! KEEEH!", turning the poor little girls into glowing screaming projectiles, and defeats the ninja-crocs with ease.

He finally reaches Ail and Sanae, whom are still sleeping soundly, even after all the screaming and fighting, then reaches for the sleeping maiden, grabs her bikini by the thinner threads, and before the nosebleeding goddesses can complain, he pulls that bikini off with all his might, and lifts it above his head with both hands, where said glorious item floats and rotates over a backlight while a quick fanfare plays.

The perverted goddesses' eyes become white disks, their mouths become catlike, more blood falls out of their noses, then Kyo's shirt rips a bit when he lowers his hands again, said ripping is quickly followed by two thuds.

When Kyo looks over to the goddesses again, he can see chibi-neko Ran still staring at him with that blushing face and bleeding nose, and behind her, between the two goddesses, a large, rotating heart grows from the ground, and the manly man smiles.

He looks back at Sanae, chuckles, and says "those perverts thought she was naked."

She sexy shrine maiden now wears the very same bikini as before, only this one is colored to look exactly like her skin, which, to the untrained eye, would make her look like she's completely naked.

The man in green ignores this, flips a thumb up to his sleeping friend, then walks over to the goddesses, mutters "easies boss battle yet," and pick up the large heart, lifting it above his head, where it spins for a moment before disappearing, and then he glances with disgust at the perverted Kanako and Suwako, sighs, then asks "are they really gods?"

A tiny Sanae with blue cat-like eyes, long flowing green hair, cat ears, a cat's tail, and wearing a tiny version of Sanae's shrine maiden outfit, appears next to chibi-neko Ran, and in an elegant, feminine tone of voice, says "even gods are subjects to the beauty of love and money. It's not really their fault as it is that girl's, for being so desirably beautiful."

"HUN-HUN-HUN," rapidly says chibi Ran while nodding thrice.

Kyo closes his eyes, nods while giving the cat girls a manly nod, then walks away.

Chibi-neko Sanae sighs and says "what a man. He's so~ handsome. I would like nothing more than to squeeze that tight ass with my bare hands."

"HUNHUNHUN" rapidly replies the tiny blonde, multi-tailed cat, with a triple nod.

* * *

Midday at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and Chiyuri is overlooking the state of her deck, looking quite content toward the massive pot of honey in the center of said bamboo deck.

Said pot has three transparent white tubes that connect to three cannons on the starboard (right) side of the ship, which are currently aimed at the Palanquin.

She claps her hands and rubs them as a malicious grin takes her face, and says "with this honey, I'll knock that Murasa bitch out of the skies, and when she crashes, all the pieces of her stupid ship will get carried off by ants! This is GENIUS!"

Flandre stands to the left of the captain with honeyed lips, salutes the flat-chested blonde, and firmly says "Captain, the cannons are ready to fire. Just waiting for your orders, ma'am!"

The blonde captain twitches, turns to face the blonde vampire, stares at her as though inspecting her thoroughly, then suspiciously says "hmm, wait a moment. You're from the red ship with the stupid name, aren't you?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"What are you doing here, little girl?", asks the suspicious captain.

The cute little girl smiles, dribbling a bit more honey from her mouth and says "I got bored of our ship and decided to jump to this one when I saw the honey, ma'am!"

Chiyuri stares at the new sailor, still suspicious of the girl, then decides to make a quick interview.

She takes a deep breath, and asks "will you follow my every orders?"

"YES MA'AM!"

"Are you reliable in combat?"

"YES, MA'AM!"

"Did you eat some of the honey?"

"NO, MA'AM!"

"Are you lying to me?"

"YES, MA'AM!"

"Why?"

"Because you're a stupid human, MA'AM!"

Chiyuri stops, rubs her chin while staring suspiciously at Flandre, then smiles and says "fair enough! You're in!"

The cute vampire cheers, then rushes to the canon to the left of Maribel, and declares "let's take those bitches DOWN!"

Maribel and Momiji, who wears a white, furry eye-patch on her left eye, a dirty white vest over a black dress with a flame-red bottom, and a pair of leather brown boots, stare at the little vampire, then the human says "miss, pirate or not, you are still a lady. Please watch your language!"

The cute girl giggles, sticks out her tongue, then the captain wannabe shouts "FIRE!", and all girls pull on their cannon's cords as though being on automatic.

Absolutely nothing happens.

After the embarrassing no-show, Chiyuri furiously stomps on the bamboo under her feet while shouting "WHAT! THE! FUCK! JUST! HAPP! ENED!"

Momiji covers her gasping mouth, Maribel her ears, and Flandre her eyes while still giggling, while the captain continues "that bitch! That suspicious Keine was being FAR too suspicious! ARGH! SHE TRICKED ME! She even guaranteed this would not FAIL! SO WHY DID IT?"

She glares around, then shouts "SPARROW! See if you can see what went wrong!"

The Rabid Karate Night Sparrow tweets once, immediately takes flight into the giant pot of honey, then quickly flies back out with one exceedingly bloated Yumemi, held secure by the belt around her waist, which looks just about ready to burst.

He lets her go, letting her fall on her back on the deck and causing the ship to tumble and tremble, then tweets again and flies back toward the shadows, where he disappears as mysteriously as he appeared.

The redhead moans contently, sighs with a smile as she rubs her bouncing belly, and sexily whispers "I'm so~ sexy~. I'll get him for the ball this time.

Chiyuri screeches furiously, then exclaims "OKAZAKI, YOU BIIIIIITCH! WHY DID YOU SABOTAGE ME! This is all WILLIE'S DOING, isn't it! ?"

The round and content redhead sighs contently, then softly says "ah, honey is so unisex. Mmmm~"

Chibi-neko Damien and Unzan appear at the lower-left corner of the scene and give a manly thumbs up, then disappear without a trace.

The twin-tailed blonde's eyes become two tiny black beads as she stares at the content woman, then cries "godsdammit Willie G.R.! Why can't you give me a break?"

A tiny cat-like Yumemi, with large red cat-like eyes, red cat ears, long red hair made into a large braid, wearing a white sweater with a long red skirt and black boots, jumps out of the pot, runs to, grabs and lifts the real Yumemi with ease, then says "don't worry, don't worry! The show is still on! Just shoot and have faith, nya!"

With that, the cat zips away with her giant baggage, totally ignored by the girls on board, then Chiyuri gives the words of wisdom quite a lot of thought.

She punches her chest, lifts her fist to the air, and shouts "YOU HEARD HER GIRLS! FIRE WITH FAITH!"

Flandre grabs her cannon and shouts "KA-BOOM!", Maribel grabs her cannon and sweetly says "faith canons ready," then grows a pair of cat ears, and Momiji stands by her canon, grabs the cord without really wanting to, rubs her right temple, sighs, then asks herself "why am I even here?"

"**FIREEEEEEEEE!**"

The captain's powerful command issues her subordinates to pull those cords, then the entire sky is taken over by multi-colored lights and a massive mushroom cloud the size of a skyscraper.

* * *

At the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, at the Unknown Store of the Mysterious Rabbit Saleswoman that says her name is Tia, even though we all know she's Reisen with a yellow plaid scarf around her face, looks outside the store, salutes, and says to herself "faithful shots like that can only come from strong commands."

She turns around to face her desk, flips a thumb up at chibi-neko Sanae, and says "such is the way of life of those at sea!"

The cat girl purrs, and in a sexy tone of voice, replies "ah, the pursuit of love goes far beyond the shores of society. And what's a few gold coins taken along the way? It's all part of the plan of pleasures."

The rabbit's cheeks turn red, and as her thumbs-up shakes, she pants and says "let's go to bed now."

The cat girl looks away to a magazine that magically appears to her right, and says "I'm not that kind of pervert, darling."

Reisen laughs as she points her glowing finger at the cat, but before the shot is shot, the door to her store opens, and she immediately turns around to greet the customer with her sweetest smiling face.

"Welcome. Please feel free to browse. Don't be shy and call if you need any... hubba-hubba!"

Both chibi-neko Sanae's and Reisen's hearts jump right out of their chests, their faces turn pink, their eyes become pink hearts, and in a more seductive tone, the rabbit girl says "please, call me for anything you may need, sir."

Kyo now wears a red body suit that clings to his perfectly toned body, with a plated silver armor on his chest, crotch, arms, calves, feet and around his forehead, has a knife, an axe, holy water, and a cross on the left of his manly black belt, and a coiled whip on the right.

He glances around, ignores the swooning girls in front, and when he fails to find the items he needs, in a manly tone he says "good day mysterious lady whom I don't know and strange, sexy cat girl. I'm looking for a fairy in a bottle, the rib of a vampire, and canned tarantula legs. Would you happen to have any?"

Both girls leave an afterimage that turns to dust after a few seconds, surprising Kyo into a quick gasp, but then he smiles when he reads a note found on his hand that says "just checking the stock. Please wait."

He decides to look around the store, and as he stares at a cup with drawings of rabbits with clown noses on a table, he ignores Sunny Milk as she cries "hey, what the hell are you doing? N-no. N-Noooooo! That's too tight! AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!"

The boy, then, takes notice of a stack of magazines with swords, canons, shields, and other odd and rare items on it.

As he flips pages, he hums and says to himself "ah, seems I can order these things at this store and pick them up when they arrive. Sweet."

As he browses the pages, he fails to hear when Remilia screams out loud "hey, get the hell away from me! Sakuya! Sakuyaaaa! ***CRACK*** AAAAARRRRRRGH!"

The manly man in tights moves to the left side of the store, where many chromed shields hang on the wall, one particularly strange one, made to look blue with three golden triangles, above them, a sort of silver eagle in the middle, and a weird-looking red eye with wings above both.

"Hmm, what a shield. Out of this world."

As he says this, he ignores Yamame's cries of help from the entrance.

"Kyo! Kyo, please, these insane women are after my-"

She turns around and gasps, closes the door to run away, while shouting "no, please! Don't pull! That's gonna hu-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

The boy finally takes notice of the scream, though too late, and lifts his head up in hopes of catching up to its location, but shrugs after realizing that whomever screamed will not scream again, so it musn't be important.

When he turns his attention back into the store, Reisen and chibi-neko Sanae are back inside with the requested items on the counter, and both girls wearing little clothing.

The little cat girl, a metallic-green bikini that matches her hair, and the rabbit, a tight, stretchy suit with an overly exposed chest an belly, which does little to cover her glorious mountains, though both are destroying the charm they are trying to force by leaning forward and holding their knees while panting out of breath in a desperate attempt to regain some oxygen.

Before Kyo can ask, Reisen smacks her lips and says "how lucky! We had one of each item left in stock!"

The tiny cat girl pants one last time, clicks on the cash register's buttons, then softly asks "well that be cash, a check, or your perfectly tight butt?"

"ARGH! You idiot, you blew it!" shouts Reisen, whom shakes her fists in the air, causing her womanly features to jiggle and bounce, while shouting "besides, I saw him first, so he's MINE!"

The little cat girl bares the claws on her right paw, and with her suave voice and womanly tone, says "the path of love is filled with endless battles!", then a glint escapes her right eye after that threat.

Before long, the two girls jump at each other and grasp each other by the cheeks, and the rabbit threatens "I'll skin you alive and hang you over my bed!"

The cat-girl threatens "I'll be eating Udonge soup long before you can even dream such a thing!"

Kyo stares flatly at the girls, takes his mighty whip on hand, cracks it twice in complete silence, then coils it up and hangs it by the belt again.

The girls seem to have popped out of thin air, and each left a floating heart where they once were, so the boy goes over and picks up the hearts, which make a funny tweeting sound upon him touching them.

He then picks up his items, which, for some odd reason, add high numbers to his overall score, pulls a sack with many gold coins, leaves half of them on the counter, and with a smile on his face, he says "thanks ladies. Please be good now."

The two girls moan as they push their heavy and limp bodies off the floor, then the ground starts to rumble, and very suddenly, a giant, cylindrical, metallic-colored drill breaks through the floor inside the store, lands on its base, crushing a few displays beneath itself, then the door opens up, and from inside, Futo cheers "come hero! I have located the treasure! We can still partake of the net yet!"

Kyo smiles, turns around, salutes the near-dead girls, then jumps inside the drill, the door closes up, and the machine jumps once, dives a few inches forward, and breaks another hole as it digs its way down from whence it came.

Reisen moans in pain, then says "damned hormones."

Chibi-neko Sanae sighs, then says "at least he left the money."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the eastern side of the Human Village, a door opens on the trunk of a large tree, then Miko walks out of it with an annoyed look on her face, wearing her usual purple dress with black frills, those elaborate golden sandals, socks, but is missing her usual white ceremonial-like vest.

She shuts the door behind herself, then looks to the sky, muttering "blowing people up while they meditate... grumble-grumble. I'll show them... grumble. They could have hit a human!"

When she fails to find the disintegrated ships, she sighs with annoyance and starts looking around her immediate surroundings.

After her sight returns to the original spot, she gulps after coming across the chibi-nekos Ran, Miko, Damien, Sanae and Yumemi, who stand beside the jagged-tooth, crescent grinning Chen, who looks at Miko straight in the eyes and asks "hey there lady, what'cha looking for?"

The saint narrows her eyes while looking at the nekomata, then points at her while saying "sorry little girl, I don't have milk, and I don't plan on hiding you either, now please, go somewhere else with your tiny cat friends and hide. I have flying ships to bring down."

She suddenly points at her clone chibi-neko with both hands while bending sideways with a terrorized expression in her eyes, which happen to be taken over by a blue shadow around the skin, and screams "AND WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE MEEEEEE?"

The little cat thrusts a fish on the prince's closest finger, and says "nyan~ You should really do something about that hair in your armpits. Is unsightly with sleeveless dresses."

The horn-haired girl yelps, jumps behind a tree, where she seems to be doing something really fast, then jumps back out with freshly shaved pits, points at her neko self, and shouts "you are an EVIL SAVIOR!"

The green haired cat girl moans seductively as her eyes become two thin horizontal lines, and with her soft womanly voice, she says "ah, that's much better. With a gorgeous body like yours, you should be able to reel in all the men *sigh*. I really envy you."

"CHEEEEEEEEEENNNNN!"

Chen's evil grin vanishes, replaced by a disgusted look of anger, and after clicking her tongue, she says "alright, this one ain't going to help us. Let's move!"

Before Miko has a chance to complain some more, all the cats are gone, and Ran quickly reaches her, stands in front of the woman, and after panting a bit, asks "excuse me, did you happen to see a little nekomata with some tiny cats pass by around here?"

The headphones girl stares at the kitsune, smiles, points to her right, and a diamond-plated washtub falls on her head, knocking her out for a moment.

The nine-tailed fox yelps with fright and helps the saint back up, asking "are you alright?", helping that girl by rubbing that bump on her head and soothing the pain with magic.

Miko winces for a bit, then nods and says "yeah, I'm fine," then suddenly roars and asks "why the hell do I keep getting pummeled by so many misfortunes?"

A wave of water suddenly sweeps the girls off their feet, and now accompany the screaming Orange and Kyouko with screams of their own, while said wave continues on its way toward an unknown destination.

"WHAT THE HEEEEEEELLLL? WHY A WAAAAAAVE?", screams the desperate Miko, to which the ornage-haired girl cries "it's all Willie G.R.'s fault! He is EVIL!"

Kyouko manages to spit the water in her mouth, and cries "he's been picking on us for a while! He even picked on your friend on the last chapter!"

Ran somehow manages to stay from being swept around all over by the watery wave, and cries "girls, now it's not the time. We need to get out of here!"

A perfectly square hole opens up on the ground, then the wave shoots up to the sky, where it disappears with the girls behind the clouds.

On a nearby tree, Tojiko sits between chibi-nekos Ran and Yumemi, holding a remote control on her hand, and snickering sinisterly before saying "I've never played with something so fun before. You girls are the best."

"HUN-HUN-HUN," says the multi-tailed cat, while the red-haired cat smiles and says "maybe next time you'll come to our house at the mountain."

A girl with blue eyes and matching hair made into Chinese loops, wearing a sky-blue flowery sleeveless jacket over a light-blue dress and blue slippers, screams as she torpedoes her way to the trio on the tree.

The impact causes an explosion that sends everyone flying into separate directions, but even so, the chibi Ran can be heard saying "HUN-HUN-HUN," while possibly nodding.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the sky, where all four ships are back in the air, looking as though nothing ever really happened (again), Damien lands on the Scarlet Demon Ark's deck to continue his endless search for Ail.

He walks to the center of the ark, looks around, then suddenly closes his eyes and clenches his fist tight as he lifts it next to his heart, and thinks back to when he was walking through a snowstorm, fainting in the middle of a desert, fighting off giant crocodiles to get to the Holy Grail, and even mashing a pervert adult man into puree in the alley of a very large city.

As he thinks back on these images that definitely have nothing to do with Gensokyo, or Ail, he thinks "_so many trials and hardships. So many sick bastards dealt with. So much! TOO MUCH! AIL! ...I will find you, and when I do, I'll..._"

His train of thought stops completely, as he opens his eyes and rubs his chin in deep though, and mumbles to himself "wait, why was I even after him in the first place? ...Huh?"

His eyes turn to the dark, open entrance to the ark's insides, and turn red when the veins around them pump up as terror fills his face, for a very good reason, and before long, he takes off running and jumps off the deck before it is too late.

Only seconds later, a pink, a white, and a red blur chase after him as Remilia's voice echoes "WHAT A MAN!"

We rewind for a bit, and pause right after Damien escapes, in order to reveal Remilia, Chiyuri and Flandre, all with their mouths wide open, their eyes shaped like hearts, and their tongues hanging out with excessive drool, chasing after the boy in black; all with very evident, lustful intents.

Let's now move on to when Patchouli walks out of the ark, coughing as a pink cloud with heart-shaped bubbles fizzle above her head, then she looks flatly forward and softly says "it appears the love potion was too strong."

"You THINK?", asks a very, VERY manly voice from her right.

The purple bean sprout glances over to her right and says "well, that's why we experiment... Kyo-akuma."

Kyo stands beside the witch, wearing Koakuma's outfit, even though it's tearing up due to his muscles being too big.

He glances to his left at the cute witch, and says "you don't really care anyway. You're a pretty evil bitch, Lady Patchouli."

The secretly-sexy girl stares at the manly assistant directly, then asks "weren't you wearing a green tunic earlier? And what happened to that quest of yours? And I do hope you returned those tights..."

The man's eyes narrow as he sighs, and says "Luna hated the fact that the bikini was already worn, so now I'm just hiding for dear life."

Patchouli stares toward the sky, sighs, then Kyo asks "wait, before the punch-line, why isn't Sakuya chasing after Damien?"

The magic woman turns around, then casually says "because she's already rubbing herself against your right bicep."

And true enough, Sakuya moans contently as she clings to the unamused man's arm, rubbing her face against that bicep quite happily, and taking deep, romantic breathes with every slow blink of the eyes.

Kyo stares nonchalantly at the elegance-break maid, shrugs, turns around to follow after Patchouli, and says "whatever. Time to clean your mess, Lady Patchouli."

Said girl scoffs, then says "don't act so cool. You know you're liking this."

After a few seconds of silence, the man's voice echoes lightly when he says "not a word about this to Luna."

* * *

Back at the main event, Damien runs as if the devil himself was after him with a holy trident on one hand, and demonic lance on the other.

He turns around and shoots three purple and black fireballs, and shouts "ISHTAMBERIO! (Not a clue what he said) YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Remilia easily cancels the shots with her wings, and screams "I just want to bond with you, eternally!"

Flandre reaches for him, even though he's still six feet in front of them, and screams "nii-kun, don't run! I just wanna play house with you!"

Chiyuri drools as she cackles like a maniac, and bluntly shouts "come on, let me show you what a woman I REALLY am!"

Aya has joined the race, and with her wings spread and her arm reaching for the man, she squeals "come ooooooonnnn~ Let me interview you! I swear, I'm not wearing any underwear!"

Kana Anaberal, a poltergeist wearing a blue dress under a white apron, a pair of arm gloves, a sunhat with a red ribbon around it on her blonde hair, and having a pair of yellow eyes, swoons while flying beside the tengu, and calls "darling, let me run naked in your dreams! I promise I'll make you feel wonderful!"

The dark gynophobiac turns around to shoot more fireballs, and shouts "WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP MULTIPLYING! ? GO AWAY ALREADY! EH?"

He notices the pink cloud with pink heart-shaped bubbles spreading around those girls in a wide ranged area, face palms hard, then mutters "of all the damned luck! And HOW MANY GIRLS ARE THERE HERE?"

When he says this, Momiji, Suwako, Futo, Ichirin, Renko, Marisa, Hina, and even a small group of Kappa led by Nitori join the chase, and there are sure to be more girls to come.

When he notices the number of girls adding themselves to the chase, his face turns blue, his nose starts to drip mucus as tears roll down his cheeks, and in a sudden burst of pure power, the runs faster and faster, until his leg gets caught, and is forced to stop stiff on his tracks.

The boy looks down to find Yoshika rising from beneath the earth, smiling at him as she blushes and says "come down here so I can give you a MASSAGE! It's to die for."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH," screams the desperate boy, who looks back at the pack of girls (Seiga, Byakuren, Sanae, and even Minoriko included now), whom are somehow yet to reach him.

They all drool as they aim their heart-shaped eyes at him, and ready their hands to grasp him tight, then Ail, wearing a long hooded grey robe, and holding a large staff of light taller than himself, jumps between the boy and the hungry girls.

He looks back at the Dark Lord with a stern gaze and says "fly, you fool," then turns around, strikes hard on the ground with his staff, and shouts with all his might "**YOU! SHALL NOT!** *CRASH* **WAAAHHHHHH!**"

*Sigh* As expected, the girls simply crash through the boy and send him flying against his will to who knows where.

Very suddenly, Sanae blasts herself out from the group after Ail, shouting "HE'S MINE! MIIIINEEE!" and proceeds to catch him in the air, holds him princess-style, giggling while drooling with anticipation, and having her cheeks turning red as she looks at him with hungry eyes, and the boy, knowing where this is going, holds her around the neck to rub his cheeks against hers, saying "oh, I like where THIS is going," then both kiss on the lips with glee.

Back on the ground, Ail may have failed saving Damien, but he did buy the Makaian Lord enough time to free himself form Yoshika, and is now, once more, running as though his life were on the line.

Yuyuko, Yukari, Orange, and Kyouko have joined the perverted race for a piece of the dark, terrified boy, who turns around to shoot several dark fireballs, then the cabinet falls right on top of him, crushing him under its weight after a death-yelp from the poor boy.

The girls all stop to stare at the evil furniture, Remilia spreads her wings and hands to push the other girls back, and nervously says "g-girls, stand back. That thing is EVIL!"

The cabinet's double doors burst open with a bang, then a giant lilac semi-transparent tentacle monster without a face, bursts halfway through that opening, crying with a deep and monstrous voice "no more! PLEASE NO MORE! You girls! I beg of you, help me PLEASE!"

Before any of the many girls can respond, they all twitch and yelp when Koakuma pokes half of her semi-naked body out of the cabinet, shining so brightly she almost blinds Hina and Yuyuko, grabs the monster with a very naughty smile on her face, and starts pulling him back while cooing "nah-ah-ah~ I'm still not done with you. Come on~ Round ninety-eight is up."

The monster grips a patch of grass to try and pull himself free from the lusty little devil, but that expectedly fails miserably and he screams "no, please, NO! AAARRRRGH! SAVE MEEEEEE!"

The cabinet's doors close up the moment Koakuma and the monster are back inside, the cabinet itself starts to vanish as the sounds of thumping and screams start within, and after it's gone, it's revealed that Damien has been buried underground.

Flandre turns to look at the other girls, scratches her head, and says "dammit, I'm still hot, but that just creped me out. I'm so confused."

Seiga sighs, smiles, gets closer to the vampire, then says "maybe you should all convert to Taoism. That's a very good idea right now."

Before Remilia can complain, Ail's stalled spell activates, the ground crumbles beneath the girls, and all plummet down to the darkness of the unknown.

Satori gags and chokes as she tries to form words, but is currently in such a state of shock, she can only stare on, though her eyes seem to have disappeared from her face, and have been replaced by a dark blue shadow.

She stops shaking, closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, releases the held breath, then says to herself "no. Satori, calm down. You are just imagining things again. Yes, this is what it is."

Remilia, who landed on her stomach on top of a thorny rose bush, angrily looks up at the mind-reader in front, and demands "HEY! Don't just ignore us, dammit! HELP US!"

Satori turns around, repeating "it's not real," while girls keep raining down on her backyard, Hina smashing through the palace's roof and landing somewhere where Koishi happily says "alright, a bed mate!"

* * *

Later that day, a small rowboat flies over the Human Village, earning itself a few curious murmurs form the villagers, whom fail to notice the chibi-nekos looting one house after another.

They even fail to notice when the tiny cat-like Ran says "HUN-HUN-HUN," while nodding fast after getting a thumbs up from chibi-neko Damien, whom has just looted a bottle of sake from under Luna River's very nose.

But anyway, back to the boat, Yumeko, who blushes brightly as she wears a tight red leotard with bare legs and arms, a pair of white kneepads with matching sneakers, for some odd reason, a pair of goggles over her yellow eyes, and has her long curvy blonde hair in a ponytail, rows the little flying boat while asking "are you certain this is how pirates dress, Lady Shinki?"

The goddess of Makai is currently on the edge of the small boat, wearing a wine, high-cut, bare legs and arms leotard with a brown kneepad and matching knee-high cross-laced boots, a pair of tight white bike shorts, a cute pink sweatband around her head, and wears her light-blue hair as she always does; with a side-ponytail held by red bobbles.

She opens her sky-blue eyes after done looking through her telescope, looks back at her sexy maid with a goofy smile, and says "don't worry about it! You breasts and curves are just perfect, so even if these aren't pirate outfits, you still look good," then flips her thumb while cutely sticking out her tongue.

Yumeko stops rowing and looks down to the wooden boards to hide her embarrassed blush, and looks at how tight her outfit it, how it hugs all her features, making her womanhood accent twice as normal, then, like a flash, it suddenly hits her, and hard.

She gazes upon her goddess and sees the glory of her amazingly perfect womanly figure being squeezed by that wonderful attire, making her features accent twice over, and then she locks her eyes on Shinki's breasts, and blood bursts out her nose.

Shinki's face twists with concern upon seeing that blood gushing at such an alarming rate, and bends over to her daughter, and asks "Yumeko-chan, what happened? Are you alright sweetheart?"

Doing this gives that happy maid a direct view of those gorgeous breasts under that lovely attire, and before she knows it, she's knocked unconscious on the tiny boat with a happy smile on her bloody face.

"Yu-Yumeko? Yumeko-chan, speak to me!", cries out the worried woman, while shaking her girl's body and holding her by the shoulders, then takes notice of how soft the blonde's skin really is.

Her face turns pink, she looks around suspiciously, then turns her eyes back to the maid, gulps, grabs the red leotard by the shoulder straps, pulls, then stops when she looks to the back of the ship, and panics.

Reimu stands right behind the blissfully knocked maid, wearing a cute yellow scarf around her neck, and smiling at the perverted goddess, apparently not realizing what almost happened there.

"Ah, Re-Reimu! Hahahah! Fancy meeting you here!" nervously says Shinki after letting the blonde go and placing her hands behind her head to feign innocence.

The cute shrine maiden smiles, opens her mouth, waves her hands, then points at the blonde with a more worried face one her.

Shinki sighs, gulps down the last bit of lust in her, then says "I'm not sure what happened to her. I think she's just a little too hot. Maybe she only needs some fresh water."

The black-haired girl smiles, grabs Yumeko under the armpits, lifts her up, then a waterfall falls on the happily unconscious maid, making her yelp and splutter while flailing her limbs around.

The water stops, the sexy, wet, leotard-clad maid stands on her own feet, and furiously flails her arms around while shouting "what the hell? What the hell was THAT? Is this author really that perverted as to wanting to see my slippery skin all wet and glistening while in this EMBARRASSING outfit? I'll kill him!"

Shinki grabs her daughter by the back of her sexy neck, smiles sweetly as she gets closer to the girl's ear, and sweetly says "Yumeko, sweetie, you are saying a little bit too much."

The sexy wet blonde shivers and stammers with fright, and as soon as her mother stands back, she sighs with relief, then sadly says "yes Shinki-sama. I'm sorry, I spoke out of line."

The Makaian goddess sighs, pats her child on the head, then looks to Reimu and says "alright Miss Reimu, I know you helped us, but we are pirates too, and we are going to board your ship now! Prepare your- Huh?"

She suddenly realizes the shrine maiden isn't there, and instead sees Flandre riding her red UFO while smiling and waving back at the intruding girls.

Shinki and Yumeko smile nervously as they hesitantly wave back, then the goddess giggles and asks "wh-what is it, little vampire?"

Both Makaians gasp when the blonde vampire's grin becomes crescent with jagged teeth, then Chen reveals herself with an equally evil face, and just as the intruders scream "**CHENSAWWWW**", the evil nekomata has rushed all over the little boat like a blur, and has turned it into several wooden figures of herself with a saw-sword.

The goddess and maid look at each other, the latter says "such a predictable outcome from this author," the former smacks her daughter on the head and says "just say something like 'it's all within my calculations', or I'll punish you," and just like that both girls fall, screaming until they make a splash.

Chen and Flandre smile with glee while looking down at the girls, then both stop smiling and raise an eyebrow when Shinki and Yumeko begin shouting "Lady Shinki, what the hell is this?"

"Yumeko-chan... RUN!"

"WAAAAAAH? A shark! There's a shark here! WAAAAAHHH!"

"Just shut up and RUN SWEETIE!"

"Don't you mean swim, mama?"

"**KYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH**"

*CHOMP*

*CRUNCH*

The cat and the vampire look at each other, share no words, shrug, then continue on their little joy-ride over Gensokyo, completely ignoring the girls screaming for their lives.

* * *

Later that afternoon, at the Palanquin, Minamitsu is pacing back and forth, glancing worriedly all around herself while sweating nervously and muttering quick, unintelligible words.

Miko, who happens to be tied up to a chair, next to the rudder, sighs and says "look, keeping me here won't save you from whatever calamity is befalling our peace!"

Orange pokes her head out of a trap door in front of the saint, wearing a camouflage hardhat and a happy smile, and says "that's right! Willie's evil wrath will drop on us like lead underwater... Whatever that means."

The captain stomps her foot to get the full attention of the two girls, and loudly says "you don't understand! It's noon! The ships are still flying... somehow. We haven't crashed yet, and there's no signs of that happening soon. I'm... I'm afraid of what might happen if this goes on as it is!"

A drop of sweat rolls down the captive girl-prince's forehead, but before she can say her piece, Kyouko peeks her head from the left side of the scene, and asks "so you're worried about the ships not crashing?"

Minamitsu nods and says "aye. I feel very unsafe. Like something's gonna happen soon, and I won't be able to stop it."

Chiyuri lands on the REAL captain's head with enough force to push her through the wooden floor, and loudly says "NOT TO WORRY~! Just make Willie G.R. think you are content, and he'll make sure your happiness is all gone!"

Murasa pokes her head off the hole on the floor, glares murderously at the flat-chested blonde, and suspiciously asks "content, huh?", then monotonously says "erm, I'm quite happy because my ship is in one piece..."

Kyouko jumps in the middle of the scene, taking up more space than she should, and loudly says "I'll take care of that! **LUNA-CHAAAAAAAAN~**"

The black-haired captain stares in disbelief at the yamabiko, and says "hey, aren't you a little too big. Wait, this is the same thing some doujin artist did already. (_Bomber Grape_)

Luna Child appears on the deck of the ship, wearing a yellow hardhat, her usual long dress with the black ribbons, and wearing that acorn-shaped mouth of hers as cutely as ever, as she bows with an expressionless face at Murasa.

A mountain of lit explosives in barrels, sticks, and round bombs drop in a messy pile behind the fairy, making absolutely no noise, then said fairy girl bows again, and flies away to do whatever it is she plans on doing next.

The oversized Kyouko waves at the fairy and shouts "THAAAAAANKS" while the freed Miko and Orange push her ankle away while the saint grunts "hey, you're taking up the whole darned scene!"

Meanwhile, Minamitsu panics when she sees the ludicrous amount of explosives on the deck of her ship, laughs while pointing at them, but when, instead of panicking along, Byakuren, Orange, Miko and Meiling set up a picnic mat and start playing cards, she laughs harder while tears roll down her cheeks, and shouts "STUPIDLY RIDICULOUS!"

She rushes to the bombs, starts patting and blowing on the lit lines, and screams "come on! **Somebody come and help me! HEEEEEYYYYY! HELP MEEEEE!**"

At the picnic mat, Byakuren places a finger on her lower lip, looks up at the sky, as though in thought, not looking to her left so see Mini-chan waving desperately before going back to douse the bombs, and says "you know, I thought I heard something just now."

Kyouko giggles and says "must be your imagination, Hijiri-sama."

Miko and Meiling look at bit annoyed at the yamabiko's large leg going between them, almost knocking their drinks, while Orange is punching the shoe's sole and angrily muttering "dammit. Grow down already!"

Captain Murasa starts to laugh when she realizes her screaming isn't working, jumps on the ship's portside (left) rails, then jumps off while laughing "hahahaha~ I'm not gonna blow up with my ship, you no-good author!"

Now, Captain Minamitsu Murasa finds herself tied against a large red barrel with a large white skull drawn on it, and even with her youkai strength, she is unable to break free to save herself from the messy bombs pile.

Chiyuri walks over with a smug face, points at the Captain on the nose, and smugly says "I told you. Willie G.R. will make your life hell."

Meanwhile, below the ships, Ran is walking behind her multi-tailed, chibi-neko self, sighing with relief and saying "you don't know how relieved I am. I've been looking for Chen all day. Ah, but now you'll lead me to her, and we can go home to eat."

"HUNHUNHUN," replies the rapidly nodding cat girl.

The sexy, nine-tailed youkai scratches her left temple while staring at her tiny self and asks "say, have we met before?"

The cat girl shakes her head three times, then Ran asks "I see. Hmm, I wonder if Chen is wearing her underwear today?"

"HUN-HUN-HUN," replies the blonde chibi-neko, to which the blonde fox girl sighs with relief, and says "that's good. At least I know she's being good."

***KA-BOOM***

The explosion from the Palanquin causes an earthquake that knocks the two girls off their feet and on their seats, then Ran look up and asks "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT?"

She and her tiny counterpart watch as the Palanquin crashes against the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, which twirls in the air until it crashes against the Unnamed Ghost Ship, which suddenly dives and crashes against the Scarlet Demon Ark.

They are not sure, but they swear they can see a small rowboat getting mixed in the crash, but ignore it and the two girls screaming as they fall from it, and look at each other.

The fox girl smiles and asks "should we run?", to which the cat girl lifts her head up, and a ship crushes them both under its weight, long before the girls on said ship reach the ground.

Byakuren, Miko, Meiling, Orange, and even the oversized Kyouko, land softly on the ground, as if nothing ever really happened, when wave at the grey flying spaceship with the orange fox youkai inside, who happens to have saved them all from a painful fate.

After he takes off, a golden pyramid falls on the ground, shatters into eight pieces, then tiny octopuses, odd-shaped goblins, and a rat with a bomb, come and pick up the pieces before scattering away.

That very second, the green-clad Kyo lands on his feet, losing four hearts after landing so harshly, but after the pained grunt, he springs back on his feet and shouts "GIVE ME BACK THAT ***ORCE!"

After the manly man scatters away, Yuyuko, Remilia, Flandre, Chen, Minamitsu, Chiyuri, and Marisa, rain down to the ground, landing hard, but surviving the painful crash, then Futo, whom appears from the right of the scene, points up and exclaims "Ooh~ what a beautiful sight!"

* * *

On the skies above Gensokyo, where the four ships (and rowboat) were, just a few seconds before, Suwako stands bravely on her feet, with no ground underneath her, as she falls alongside the ship's debris, and the glaring tiny Byakuren.

"NYAN~! Somebody help me!" screams chibi-neko Yumemi as she falls alongside chibi-neko Damien, whom in a suave and manly voice says "the beauty of explosions can only be admired with a warm cup of sake."

Chibi-neko Sanae falls on little Byakuren's shoulder, glomps the little girl from behind, and starts to rub her cheeks against her while saying with her suave, excited, womanly voice "so CUUUUUUTE! What an adorable little child! I want to hold you forever!"

Ignoring the lolicon cat, the little Byakuren points at Suwako, and demands "this is the last time you get in my way. Give me the staff so that I may rule Gensokyo. If you do, I'll let you rule the Youkai Mountain, as it should have been from the start."

Dramatic music plays on the background as the girls exchange glares, the scenery rewinds just before they reach the top of the trees so that it all looks more dramatic for longer, then the goddess lifts a aquamarine staff with a net-like, silver orb on the tip that emanates a faint blue glow, and says "up yours, you evil monster."

She lifts the staff up to the air, and loudly declares "**I HAVE THE POWEEEEEEER!**"

A bright blue bolt of lightning strikes the staff, shocking kero-chan to a crisp, and somehow linking straight to little Byakuren and the chibi-neko Sanae, and then... it all turns white.

When Suwako's eyes adjust, and the light dims down, she finds herself squatting on a hard floor made of linked brown blocks that have a sort-of mat-like grass on top, clouds with faces, Tenshis on cloud-shaped keystones, and many miniature Genjiis walking around.

"Kero-kero-kero" she says as she hops forward until she comes across a yellow block with an orange question mark that pulsates and dims constantly.

She frowns at the sight, look toward nowhere in particular, kicks this brown mushroom-like creature with legs before it gets too close to her, and says "oi, Willie, I know those people reading this odd story like this kind of thing, but you don't have the time or text space for this, so why don't we move along."

Since I like kero-chan so much, a large green pipe rises from the floor in front of her, which somehow doesn't even affect the terrain in the slightest, and when fully revealed, the numbers and letters "WORLD 8-4 RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BITCH" appear in white and black above the pipe's opening.

Suwako smiles, happily says "thanks dude. Now I won't tell the readers your secretly a real pervert," then jumps inside before I decide to crush her cute face with a washtub.

Gah, I wouldn't do that to her. I'd let SANAE do that to her.

Anyways, moving along, the pipe leads the blonde goddess right in front of a narrow bridge, where little Byakuren is waiting for her, sitting next to a glowing axe with chibi-neko Sanae still clinging on her back and saying a sexy "nyan-mmm~"

"Quit it, you pervert!" demands the little girl, before standing up and angrily saying "you finally show up! DAMMIT! What did you do, take all the worlds on without using warp pipes?"

A red vein pulsates on Suwako's forehead, she smirks mischievously, lifts her hand, points her finger in the shape of a gun, then a giant fireball flies out of that tiny finger, and all the screaming little girl can do is grab the cat and place it in front of herself like a shield, and shout "NEKO SHIELD X2, FIRE ELEMENTAL!"

"**NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~**"

The cat girl ignites, her body becomes as black as charcoal, and when the fire settles down, the poor chibi can only sigh "nyaaannn" with relief, while the little Byakuren sighs and says "oh, whatever. Come on, I'm hungry. Besides, Sanae is at another castle with Ail, and they're not coming out yet."

"**WHAT?**"

Suwako's sudden shock stops her heart from beating long enough for her to shrink to a tiny version of herself, before flipping over and falling through the world's floor with an exasperated expression.

The tiny girl walks over, still holding the crispy cat by the back of the neck, looks at the tiles the goddess went through, knocks on them to test them, then says "to think I was just teasing. Hmm, I wonder what would happen if I get some vid-"

The entire castle explodes when a powerful, bright, yellow ball of light with a white center reaches the little girl and touches her skin.

Outside what USED to be a pixilated castle, Ail, Sanae and Budou hover as they glare darkly at the brown debris, then the boy says "damned perverts are everywhere."

"No privacy at all. Seriously, what's their problem?" comments the agitated shrine maiden.

"Don't worry papa and mama. I will make the bad guys go boom for you," adds the little bat, in a cold tone of voice that frightens the two love birds into a tight, terrified hug.

* * *

Later, when the sky has turned golden orange, Damien steps toward the Myouren Temple, determined to find Ail, and stops when halfway through said temple's grounds.

He stops, looks toward the building, takes in as much air as he can, and shouts "AIL, I TOUCHED YOUR GIRLFRIEND! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?"

He waits and sees if there's some sort of reaction from within, but the only reaction is a few curious faces looking out the lit windows.

The dark boy clicks his tongue, and whispers to himself "not here either. Where the hell is that damned bastard? Grah! And the portal back home should open soon too. What a waste of a day!"

The boy twitches, freezes in place, chokes on his tongue, and all because there is a heated little devil in very seductive red underwear clinging on his back, cooing and giggling as she rubs his stiff shoulder with her soft hands.

Koakuma puts her face closer to the boy's ear, then seductively whispers "hey handsome. Why don't you forget about Ail and come with me. I even promise to play nice and be gentle."

Damien jumps, ducks, and rolls away from the lusty devil girl, but doing so has sealed his fate.

When he recovers and looks around, girls start to moan as they slowly rise from the ground, from behind the walls, bushes and flowerbeds, all wearing their thinnest, cutest and sexiest pieces of sleep ware they have, and all moaning words of passion and love directed to that boy, whom doesn't realize he's currently emanating a thick cloud of pink with heart-shaped bubbles that has somehow stuck to his body.

Unknown to him, there are three mischievous little fairies flying away with an empty vial, snickering amongst themselves quite contently.

Back at the predicament, it's not until Damien sees Remilia and Flandre literally digging their way from beneath the ground, cooing and moaning at him, that he decides that it is actually a very good idea to **RUN LIKE HELL!** Especially seeing Satori and Orin close behind the vampires.

He screams like a little girl as he somehow breaks through Murasa, Chiyuri, Marisa, Aya, Momiji and Mima, and makes sure to keep running fast, even after feeling he's far away enough from the girls.

To his dismay, that head start meant nothing, and the girls are now a mere three feet away from reaching the boy, and to add sheer terror to his slight horror, Hina seductively hisses "let me suck that misfortune out of you~"

He speeds up, jumps over Yoshika's hands, and after adding two feet of distance between the girls, he turns around, shoots dark fireballs, and cries "F-O-C-U-S! (Fuck Off Cuz Ur Stupid) Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Just let my hands do the talking, darling!" exclaims Kanako.

"I cook, clean, do dishes, AND can play the good wife!" exclaims Ichirin.

"You'll never be hungry with me~" coos Mima.

"You'll never want another woman with ME," demands Koakuma.

"**WAIT JUST ONE DAMNED MINUTE!**" screams Yukari, stopping the mad, love-hungry girls in their tracks and allowing Damien to escape.

Remilia storms her way to the elder youkai, grabs and pulls her by the black piece of cloth barely covering her chest, and grumbles "you better have a good reason for stopping me like this."

"**YEAH!**" cheer the other girls, all aiming their fury at the gap youkai.

"You are going to break my shirt and set them free," darkly says the blonde before promptly getting released by the vampire and straightening out.

She smiles, giggles, then says "ladies, we don't need to chase him around. BEHOLD!"

A gap opens up above the group of girls, and poor Damien, whose face shows the terror he's feeling as he falls in the very center of the group of girls, can only allow himself to wait for the inevitable fate.

The girls 'ooh' and clap after the boy falls, then he yelps when all girls jump on him at once and start to giggle and coo.

The chibi-nekos Yumemi, Damien, Miko, Sanae and Ran pass by, then the little Miko casually says "the marvels of lust. Such is the way of the world."

"HUN-HUN-HUN," replies the little Ran with her nods.

"If all the world was like that, there would be no need for wars," smoothly says the little Damien.

"Ah, the world is made out of love and money after all. Ah~" swoons the little Sanae.

"Oh? Look, I found a mushroom. Let's eat!" exclaims the little Yumemi.

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly exclaims the blonde cat-girl while rapidly nodding.

"Can't run a world on an empty stomach," says the smooth black-haired cat-boy, just before they all disappear from the scene, successfully distracting you all from the sounds those perverted girls were all making while ravaging Damien.

When we focus on them, we realize they are all scattered while looking around, and Yukari has a very frustrated face on as she says to herself "I didn't get to play with him at all..."

Somewhere between dimensions, Damien falls backward with a happy look on his relieved, red face, and laughs as he says "I'm alive! HAHAHAHA! I LIIIIIIIVE! I am free from those girls, at last!"

Back at Gensokyo, the girls approach the blonde sage, and Hina, who wears a frilly dark-red shirt and a pair of thin dark-red panties, asks "um, so now what? We're still hot, and that spell won't wear off until after thirty minutes."

Yukari pauses for a minute, giggles, turns around, then says "come on girls, let's take out this frustration on the author."

...

The girls start to grin, malice present in all their faces as their teeth turn jagged.

Yukari opens a gap straight here. I am getting scared!

Oh boy, I can feel those cold glares piercing my very soul. Oh shit, there's something black opening behind me!

There's her hand reaching for me as I type, and there's Remilia's, then Chiyuri's, and Orange's, and then-

* * *

To be continued (after I'm out of Eientei's intensive care room)...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Budou, Luna and Agava, as well as the chibi nekos were created by Willie G.R. (The chibis were derived from the anime "Carnival Phantasm")

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All other references belong to their due owners.

FEB 25 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**This is INSANITY! My brain actually hurts! But that's good. That means I did it right. And for you who are waiting for the crossover, don't get mad XD! I'm actually working on writing out rough drafts of each chapter before beginning to work on them, but don't you dare fret! I'm getting there, and soon you'll see chapters being posted!**

**Er... hope I didn't damage anybody's brain cells to badly. Take care, and see you next time. And next time, I'll try my best to get even more randomly insane with this XD!**


	9. Chapter 9

Today, on Hakurei Cooking:

At the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Reimu, her assistant, Rika, whom has a thin strand of hair standing on the top of her head (ahoge), and her spectators, Marisa, Aya, Yuyuko and Flandre, are ready to start a cooking show, with the red and white as hostess and cook.

After cheers and applauses out of nowhere in particular, the happy maiden gestures her arms for all to be quiet, and with a sweet and angelical smile, she grabs a bowl, and raises a finger to the air while speaking, apparently.

Rika cups her hands next to her chin, and says "my lady, you are glorious! And you are so right too. A well prepared cook is a happy cook!"

At the same time, the spectators mumble amongst themselves and start writing down what... um... Well, I guess what's been said, apparently.

Reimu coos, giggles, then lifts a sack of flour handed over by chibi-neko Damien, whose eyes now look like two thick brows, and whom moans in a manly and suave manner "so cute," as he looks at Reimu and descends out of sight.

After that, the angel-winged maid hands her mistress a bowl with two cups of water, a stick of butter, five sliced peaches, and a toad the shrine maiden kisses and turns to Kyo, who just stares flatly around until he's tossed away like garbage.

The spectators "ooh" and "aah" as Hakurei mixes the ingredients in a bowl, then said maiden adds a cup of sugar, a hint of vanilla, pistachio beans, a gold coin that tings after tossed in, and finally, a feather from Rika's wings.

Chibi-neko Yumemi casually walks on top of the counter until standing in front of the two girls, then says "nyan. Don't forget to use your hands, deary. It's what gives the cake its life, you know."

"HUN-HUN-HUN" replies the sudden chibi-neko Ran while nodding thrice.

Rika slaps the red-haired cat away so the spectators can see Reimu's adorable smile as she coos and mixes the ingredients into a dough in the cake bowl with her hands.

The tiny Ran only watches with interest as her redhead partner is flicked away, then casually walks over to the audience to become part of it.

Regardless of these shenanigans, the red and white continues smiling as she continues on with her cooking show, and now the time has come to kick, chop, block, and _put the cake in the over for a while_; PACHU-PARAPPA!

Out of nowhere, Meiling shouts "don't go stealing my material!"

Ignoring this, the girls mumble amongst each other as they wait for the clock to stop clicking; there's the 'TING', and now the time comes to take out the cake.

Reimu waves her arms around, lifts her finger, hums and coos while... er... explaining herself, then giggles and bends down to open the oven's door.

She looks to the audience and admires their expectant faces, then suddenly cheers and opens the oven door, then Tenshi rises from the cake bowl, cheering "TA-DA~", and with her hat on fire.

The audience clap as they marvel with delight, while Rika walks over to her friend and splashes her head with water from a squeezed Suwako, effectively dowsing the flames.

All three girls bow to the still-clapping audience, then Reimu takes notice of Marisa, who is still writing down on her notepad.

Curious, the happy shrine maiden hops over the counter, stands besides her friend, takes the note, and the witch yelps and nervously says "no, wait, don't look! It's not meant for mortal eyes!"

Kirisame's notes read as follow:

_That Reimu is so cute! How I'd love to massage her bare skin with my own hands, mold her **** and tickle her. That cute face, that delicious smile! Ah, how I'd love to hug her, hold her, smear her with icing, and lick her whole! Not just that! I want to ice her **** and her ****s, and lick them clean, then..._

The rest of the note gets so hot and revealing, it would immediately turn this fiction into an 'M' rated story, so we'll just ignore that much. Besides, it's so hot, it catches fire.

Reimu's face is so red, even her dress looks dull-colored in comparison, and before Marisa is allowed to explain, said shrine maiden smashes a broom on her friend's head, then walks away while the little cat Ran nods thrice with her rapid "HUNHUNHUN!"

After the cute Hakurei is gone, Rika walks over to the witch, karate-chops her head, then says "you are going to apologize to my lady in writing, and you will **donate** fifty thousand, **OR ELSE!**"

She then turns her furious gaze toward Aya and demands "and **YOU!** I want a poster-size copy of that picture, or I'm telling my lady where you hide your tennis balls!"

Shameimaru yelps in a panic, nods thrice, and whines "don't tell! I'll be good! I'LL BE GOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Satisfied, the maid walks away from the audience, Yuyuko sighs and says "well, I better get these notes to Youmu. U-fu-fu~ I want to try that peach pie recipe."

Flandre cheers, lifts her right hand in the air, clenches it into a fist, and Chireiden explodes.

"**MY HOOOOOOOOME!**" cries Satori from her garden, not understanding what the hell just happened.

Her current face can only be described as a skull with stretched blue skin plastered on, a square gaping mouth with perfectly squared teeth, and glassy, bulgy eyes that are ready to pop out.

* * *

Moments later, at morning... Wait, NOW it's morning? Anyway, on with the show.

All four ships have opened fire on each other, and those girls that aren't manning a canon are currently at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, battling out with swords and danmaku.

There's Minamitsu versus Chiyuri, Chen versus Lily, Reimu versus Maribel (they look like they're having fun), Mystia versus Sakuya, Remilia versus Meiling, chibi-neko Yumemi versus Yumemi, and amongst others, there's Budou versus chibi-neko Sanae, and chibi-neko Ran versus the RKNS, and they are winning.

Suddenly, from the thick morning clouds over the east, a new ship enters the-

"**WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE!**"

The fighting girls all stop to look toward nowhere in particular, right after Chiyuri's furious outburst, then the captain wannabe with the flat chest angrily says "Willie, what the hell is the meaning of this! ANOTHER ship? There's four already! QUIT IT!"

"**YEAH~**" cheer all the other girls in unison.

{But it's just one more ship. Just think of the hilarity that can come from THAT! Plus, it's made of glass ...sort of.}

"NO" spits the furious Chiyuri at the author. "All you do is cause us grief at every turn..."

"Not to me," says Agava while raising her hand from the back of the ship.

"Whatever," continues the blonde. "The point is, there are TOO many ships up here already, we are getting NOWHERE and FAST, and I just plain despise your guts! I won't allow it!"

{I'll make your boobs bigger.}

"**WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! PRESENT THE NEW CREW ALREADY!**"

All the other girls on the ship, AND the other ships stare flatly in disbelief at the twin tailed blonde, whose breasts grow and grow until they reach a large D-almost E-cup (C-almost D-cup for us westerners).

All the girls' expressions, even those that are already well-endowed, change to shock and surprise upon seeing such a miracle, but none is able to comment, while Chiyuri Kitashirakawa starts moving around, bouncing those things all over with an undeserving sense of self-accomplishment, unaware that those lovely things do come with a price, and that her shirt looks about ready to burst. Not just that, but they are failing to cover underneath...

Anyways, back to the new ship's introduction.

Like I said earlier, the ship looks like it's made of glass, but it's Makai glass, so it's actually stronger than most materials in Gensokyo.

"**WILLIE, YOU EVIL JERK!**" shouts Chiyuri from her ship.

The new ship is made to look European, though instead of oars and sails, it has white angel wings on the side, and purple demonic wings on the two masts.

The helm is inside a well-protected cabin, and to the left of the cabin is the door that leads to the ship's rooms, kitchen, bowels, energy room, and brig.

Manning this ship are the sexy Makaians in tight leotards; Shinki and Yumeko we've already met; and though they look hot and sexy, they will be a force to be reckoned with, or so they say.

Yuki, the crazy fire witch, wears a black leotard with long-sleeved, tiny panted, light-blue tights that augment her figure twice, making her look hotter than she actually is, even making her look like she has large breasts, when they're decent at best, a gold belt with daggers all around, a turn-color bandana around her forehead, a pair of black and white sneakers, and has blonde hair that reaches to her shoulders, and gold eyes.

"MWAHAHAHAHA~ Marvel at my sexy curves while you BURN!", exclaims the girl.

Mai has her light-blue hair tied to that pink bow of hers, like always, her light blue eyes try to look away to hide the embarrassed blush on her face, crosses her arms under her ample chest to try and stop her breasts from bouncing so much, seeing as her light-pink, long-sleeved leotard is as tight as Yuki's and Yumeko's and totally ensures her amazingly curvy womanly figure is totally exposed, and what's worse for her (and MUCH better for us), she couldn't find anything to cover her now-bare legs, and wears a cute pair of small brown boots that somehow match well with her current outfit.

She flaps her small angelic wings as her face turns a bit redder when some turbulence forces her chest to bounce around, then softly says "guh. I wish I had a robe, at least."

Luize has her short blonde hair topped by a sailor's hat, her yellow eyes, as always, seem to be closed as she waves and cheers at the other girls, and wears a sexy white leotard with a rose, sleeved, short-legged tights underneath that do an absolutely wondrous job of accenting her womanly features, a pair of black tennis shoes, and has a belt with a sword and an old gun sheathed on either side.

"MUAH~ Please treat me well girls! It's only a game after all!" cheers the overjoyed blonde after blowing a kiss, making even Shinki feel a bit sheepish and chuckle uncomfortably.

Sara, whom has short lilac hair and lilac eyes, looks elegant and extremely sexy in her light-red leotard with a small white shirt on top of her generously proportioned chest, is torn at the bottom and sleeves, and has a small tear on a particularly questionable spot over the left breast.

Her hot legs are bare, wears a pair of white socks, red sneakers, an elegant brown belt with six pouches on it, a short sword, courtesy of Yumeko, and while placing her hands on her sexy, curvy hips, she smirks while looking at the girls on the other ships and says "we'll raise hell for you, girls. Nobody blasts Lady Shinki and gets away with it!"

Chiyuri sighs with frustration from the portside (left) rails of her ship, looks toward nowhere, and says "gods dammit all, Willie! They're hot, they're SEXY, and now my breasts don't matter!"

_ASK, AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!_

The captain wannabe now wears a tight white, high-cut leotard with tight blue lycra shorts underneath, a blue bandana around her head, which replaces her silly sailors hat, a pair of pink, calf-high boots, and her new brown belt with a sword and gun hangs diagonally across her gorgeous hips.

Added to that the fact that her new, larger chest bounces around with the least movement made, and this double-edge sword is about to strike her hard.

Before she comments on her new, sexy outfit, Kitashirakawa notices the many drooling, flushed faces and hungry eyes being aimed straight at her and her chest.

"Um... er, wh-what?", she asks in hopes that NOTHING will happen, but before it does and she's glomped by several hungry girls at once, Yumemi comes from behind, wraps her arms around her subordinate, gropes the girl, and demands "she's MINE! I saw her FIRST! You'll have to get through ME to even get the slightest of chances, so FORGET IT! GO HOME!"

"W-wait! Yumemi! You're squeezing too hard! OW!"

The little blonde's cries are ignored, and the famished, drooling redhead darts off toward the captain's cabin, where lewd noises begin the very second that door shuts.

"What do we do now?", asks Nazrin, trying to ignore the obvious answer evident in the perverted girls' faces, but before said obvious answer is spat, chibi-neko Sanae falls from the sky with a parachute, lands perfectly in the center of the ship, raises her hands in the air, then coos, causing all the girls to shriek and fly away back to their ships.

The cat girl blinks twice, grunts, then whispers "bitches,", just as her parachute covers her completely.

Meanwhile, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Rinnosuke, who is working as an oiled, man-service butler with a tie, a bib, and a pair of black briefs, adjusts his glasses as he looks to the sky, and casually comments "just a bunch of lesbians."

* * *

Moments later, at the Palanquin, while Minamitsu paces around inside her cabin, and Kyo, still in that green tunic, searches around the ship with Sunny on his shoulder, CONSTANTLY calling for his attention, Ichirin zips all over the ship, turning barrels and undoing ropes in her desperate search for something.

"Hey! Listen. Watch out! Come on! LISTEN TO ME! KYOOOOOO!"

The green-clad manly man grabs the cute fairy of light by the mouth, pulls her off his shoulder, and through gritted teeth, and with an intensely enraged look, asks "what. the hell. is it?"

The little fairy of light's face turns pink as she pathetically glances upward and whimpers.

The boy's face turns beet red, blood gushes out of his nose, in a few seconds, all of his hearts deplete, and the scene becomes completely black with the words "GAME OVER" over Kyo's body, all while Sunny sits on his stomach, giggling happily, as though she's done a good job.

Back with Ichirin; who is now in front of the rooms; she opens up the door to Byakuren's room, stares at the magician monk in her red underwear, closes the door again, sighs, and says "he's not here either. I wonder where he is right now?"

Chibi-neko Damien pops his head out of the slightly opened door to Byakuren's room, and with his suave and manly voice, says "your quest is admirable, dear lady, but you fail to see what's in front of your eyes" then quickly plops back inside.

"HEY! get out of there, you pervert!" exclaims the nun, bursting through the door without thinking about it.

The Youkhrist screams, slaps the one inside, then Ail stumbles out of the room, holding his right cheek, and looking around very confused he asks "why am I even here?"

Ichirin finds herself above, inside Minamitsu's cabin, with a shocked, white-disks eyed face, a box-shaped mouth, and sweating while shivering as she mutters "h-e-tch... I thought I was downstairs!"

Meanwhile, the captain doesn't even notice the girl there, and continues pacing, while muttering "...but the kappa in her swimsuit is already delectable enough, so why Chiyuri? Ah, but I want to grab her, touch her, do things to her. I want to see those lewd things jiggle while she moans and screams my name. Ah, but what to do about Nitori? I want to do things to her too."

To all of this, the shocked and confused nun-pirate is more shocked and confused than before, and now is mixed with a terrified feeling inside of her, thinking the captain has gone insane, so all she can mutter is a few unintelligible syllables.

"Yes... yeeeessss~" sinisterly hisses Captain Murasa. We'll board that ship, kidnap Chiyuri, r*pe her, and after I get all of that out of my system, I'll let her go and hunt for Nitori again. It's a perfect plan!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN," agrees the nodding chibi-neko Ran while keeping the rudder steady.

That's when the ghostly captain finally notices Ichirin in the room, points at her, then seriously says "get-"

"Yup, our captain is a lesbian alright."

"A very perverted one too."

Minamitsu gets annoyed at the interruption from Orange, then Kyouko, then furiously demands "I FURIOUSLY DEMAND YOU ALL LEAVE MY CABIN IMMEDIATELY!"

Kyouko jumps from beneath the floorboards, Orange jumps from under Murasa's hat, and Orin is chasing after the screaming Nazrin over there.

The yamabiko points her finger at, and pokes the captain girl on the nose before said girl could throttle them all with a rusty anchor, and bravely says "we know of the lustful evil deeds you are planning, captain! We will WATCH as you do your lesbian acts on that unsuspecting maiden's body..."

"...or we will poison your daily dose of sanity with so much poison, even Medicine Melancholy will be ecstatic!", finishes demanding the orange-haired cutie with a very cute pout on her face, so cute and adorable, Byakuren squeals with delight "kyahn~ So cute!", from her room down below.

"Tch! FINE!" The rusty anchor vanishes from Mini-chan's hands as she accepts the two little monsters' demands, then suddenly grabs both by the shoulders and angrily says "but keep this clear. I am not a lesbian! And you two will help me achieve my goal, or so help me, I'm shaving your heads clean!"

Both girls yelp, their eyes become two sad white orbs, their bodies shiver violently, and yet they nod, agreeing with the captain's sudden demands and threats.

All three girls smile, the shoulder grip becomes a friendly arm-rest on either shoulder, all three girls cheer as they walk outside, then Minamitsu declares "alright! Let's go do things to Chiyuri we'll probably regret in the morning!"

As the girls cheer and leave, chibi-neko Ran turns on the auto-pilot, whom casually waves at nobody in particular while drinking some hot coffee from the right, then walks after the girls, nodding thrice and humming her usual "HUN-HUN-HUN!"

After the door closes up, Ichirin looks around, whimpers, then cries out loud "wait! What about Unzan? I still can't find UNZAAAAAAAN!"

Meanwhile, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, the muscular Rinnosuke, the oiled Kyo in red briefs, and the gruff Unzan, currently await to receive any orders from any of the Makaians in leotards.

From the Palanquin, Ichirin shouts "**UNZAN, YOU TRAITOOOOOOOR~!**"

The bearded cloud-man is giggled upon by Luize, looks up at his usual partner's sad face, then turns to the blonde while blushing, ignoring the girl, who chokes with her own yelp, and falls over the ship's rails, screaming out loud, even though nobody is really paying attention to her.

Kyo suddenly gasps, looks around, ends up looking at Rinnosuke, and in a serious life-or-death tone, exclaims "Ail's not here! Crap, what could have happened?"

He picks up a phone that looks like Kanako's hair mixed with Suwako's hat, picks up the receiver, punches some numbers, and after the second ring he can hear the phone's been picked up on the other side, and exclaims "Kanako, where's Ail! I thought he was in the Palanquin, but we're doing the scene, and he's not here!"

On the other side, at the Moriya Shrine, the miserable-looking Kanako with a steaming charm pressed against her forehead sighs before saying "look, tell the girl not to fall off. Ail's not going."

"**WHAT! ? BUT SHE ALREADY FELL!**" excitedly exclaims Kyo from the other side, making the goddess pull her ear away from the earpiece.

Once the boy settled down, the goddess sighs again, puts her ear on the receiver, and says "look, he and Sanae locked themselves in her room and set _those_ traps, so... they are busy, and we can't get to them."

Suwako's shriveled, dry, burnt legs can be admired as she twitches and groans, while the muscular boy on the other side of the pone says "ah, I see. Tch! dammit, when those two get into it, there's just no stopping them!"

"Tell me about it," complains Kanako.

Inside the shrine maiden's room, the girl is yelping, the boy groans, then Sanae finally says "CHEATER! That was too fast! You're cheating!"

Ail chuckles, then says "it's not my fault **you** don't get into it. It's only natural that I take the lead and finish so easily!"

The shrine maiden suddenly declares "I DEMAND A REMATCH!", to which her boyfriend chuckles mischievously to, and casually replies "fine, but don't cry to me if you're still dissatisfied by the end of it."

The couple sit in front of a widescreen TV, which has a Nin**ndo W*i to its right, and while Sanae holds a W*i wheel and looks annoyed, Ail has the W*imote and Nunchuck on his hands and looks quite content.

The girl is wearing a pair of pink bras and panties, the boy is wearing light-blue trunks, and by the looks of things, he's winning a rousing game of Mar*o *art W*i!

You know, if it were me, I'd be-

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Damien has just finished installing Remilia and Flandre a brand new, widescreen, Nitori brand LED TV on the ship's living room replica of the SDM.

He taps the right edge of the TV, sighs with a smile after a job well done, then says "it's all set, and I already taught you girls all I could. The rest... *sniffle* is up to you."

Both Remilia, who holds the remote control, and Flandre, stare at the Lord of Darkness with a face of incredible confusion, then the elder Scarlet hesitantly says "erm, right. Thanks. Um, who are you again?"

Damien bows, still smiling and shedding manly tears of joy, but even so, he speaks clearly as he says "my work here is now done. Fly, young ones! Spread those wings and FLY!"

With that, he suddenly takes off, hiding his manly tears under his hood while thinking "_they'll be alright. They are strong. Fight one little ones, for the world will be yours soon enough!_"

The little vampires remain staring toward the corridor for a while, then the adorable blonde cheers and says "forget him! Press the button onee-sama!"

"Alright, alright, don't be so pushy," says the blue-haired elder before taking her seat on the red couch behind her and her sister and pressing that big red button on the edge of the nice-looking remote.

As soon as the screen turns on, Ail appears on the left, wearing a MASSIVE black helmet with matching black, futuristic clothes and a pair of ridiculous round glasses, to the right is Kyo in an grey officer's uniform with some colorful medals on the right of the chest and wearing a pair of black gloves, and behind them, working on some monitor with a keyboard on front, is Rinnosuke, wearing a perfectly round black helmet and a black uniform.

On said monitor plays the very scene running on the program the little girls are currently watching.

"Wait, are you serious? You mean this scene is happening right now?", asks Ail while pointing to the ground.

"Yes, Lord Helmet," replies Kyo in an official tone. Apparently, that scene is, indeed, happening right now, sir."

"BORING! What TERRIBLE acting," shouts Remilia from the couch.

Ail and Kyo look at the vampire with great annoyance, then the Dark Helmet boy says "hey! Show a little more interest here! We're giving it our all!"

The muscular officer growls and adds "that's right! It wasn't easy recreating a scene from this crappy movie nobody's ever even heard of!"

(Hey, I loved Spaceballs. I'm just being random here.)

The elder scarlet pushes the up-channel button without hesitation, even though the boys are shouting angrily at her, then the screen changes to some sort of nature show.

They can hear Ail's voice as he softly says "now we come across the dreaded Night Sparrow," and then the scene shows Mystia roosting comfortably on a large nest on top of a tall tree branch, where she's sleeping the day away.

"Aww. She's so cute," softly says Sanae's voice. "To think her kind is so dangerous."

The pink-haired bird shifts her hips and flicks her right ear, moans contently, then the boy softly says "ah, she may be dangerous, but she's got some troubles of her own, you know. ...Op, and speak of the devil. It's her natural predator."

Yuyuko quietly creeps her way up the tree and on to that branch, making sure not to disturb it, lest she causes her pray to become wary of her presence.

Once on the branch, her eyes become two tiny white orbs, her mouth expands, her teeth become dangerously jagged, and she starts to drool while licking her lips with anticipation as she creeps closer to the bird.

"Oh dear Kanako! Ail-kun, can't we save her?", softly asks the voice of the maiden, sounding genuinely concerned for the little sparrow.

The boy sighs, and sadly says "I'm sorry, but we can't interfere with nature. We can only watch."

Sanae whimpers and coos while Yuyuko slowly gets closer and closer to her pray, and then...

Remilia and Flandre screech and jump behind the couch when the TV's screen turns red, and is accompanied by a loud roar and Mystia's sudden screech.

"Chin-**CHIIIIIIIIINNNNNN~**"

"**ROAR!** *Crunch* Murghlch! *RIIIIIP*

"Oh, it's so HORRIBLE," screams Ail in great distress.

"SOMEBODY STOP THIS, PLEAAAA-HE-HEASE!", desperately cries Sanae.

"AAAA**IIIIIIIEEEERRRUGHLLCH!**"

*Drip-drip-drip*

The flapping of Mystia's wings cause the shivering vampires to yelp every time, and everything just stops as suddenly as it started.

"**Ah**" say Ail and Sanae at the same time when they see Mystia back on her nest, sleeping while smacking her lips and shifting her hips around as she rearranges herself.

The shivering vampires slowly peek their heads over the couch's backrest, while the boy softly comments "wow Sanae, I think you were right. That little bird really IS dangerous."

The pink-haired bird flaps her wings softly, burps up Yuyuko's ghostly headband with the red swirl motif, then moans contently again before saying "'scuse me."

The human-goddess girl can be heard gulping, then softly says "I can't believe something that cute can be that powerful."

Remilia turns the TV off, stammers a bit as she turns her face to Flandre's then asks "s-so, wh-what should we do now?"

An arm wraps itself around each of the vampires, making sure to touch their chests and bellies, and when the nosebleeding, sinisterly grinning Sakuya reveals herself from the darkness, she happily says "why not come to my room? I'll make both my mistresses feel very, VERY good."

The vampire sisters take a deep breath of air, and their ear-piercing screams shatters the S.S. Glass Leotard, sending all the sexy girls and perverted men plummeting to the depths below.

* * *

At the deck of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Murasa, wearing tight, dark purple ninja tights that show off her chest and curves, sneaks her way toward the trap door leading to the ship's bowels.

Behind her are Aya, Kyouko and Orange, and all just walk around as though nothing is really happening anywhere, and even go as far as to wave at Marisa and Maribel, who happen to be playing cards right in front of the Palanquin's captain.

The short-haired ship ghost face palms, then angrily whispers "hey, what happened to your ninja suits? And why are you waving at the enemy? You should be throttling them!"

The tengu wearing a black captain's hat shrugs and says "violence solves nothing, captain," to which the other two girls nod silently in assent.

Mini-chan throws her lycra-clad arms to the air with a frustrated groan, smacks her hands on her hip, then says "fine, whatever! Just help me with Yumemi! She won't let me take that girl so easily!"

The girls salute their captain, who opens the trap door, and after all four girls jump inside, Marisa asks "who were those girls?"

Maribel twitches and her cat ears pop from hiding after having caught the joker card, then flatly says "I don't know, but I won't lose to you. Now pick a card, Marisa-san!"

Inside the ship's bowels, Murasa looks around with an intense and stern face, while whispering to herself "her room. Where's Yumemi's room."

She smiles and says "ah, there it is," when her eyes are met with chibi-neko Miko and her massive neon hand sign that points with an arrow toward a specific door, and reads "She's Here You Pervert."

She walks over to the tiny Miko, reaches for the door, but said chibi neko smacks the captain's hand away with the sign and lifts her tiny left hand.

Minamitsu places her hands inside her chest, rummages around her own breasts, then quickly pulls out a few coins and some bills, and says "you cats are all a bunch of cheapskates, you know that."

The cat girl takes her money and walks away, casually saying "thanks. Nice doing business with you, nya~"

The other three girls just stare as the cat leaves, then Kyouko asks "seriously, where the hell did those things come from anyway?"

Orange raises a finger and as-a-matter-of-factly says "from the author's messed up mind after watching this anime called *muffle muffle, muffle muffle."

Aya has covered the youkai girl's mouth as she nervously chuckle, then says "hey, hey, let's not go saying things so rashly, you cute little idiot."

*CLING*

The sound of two swords clashing takes the girls' attention, and now they gaze upon Captain Murasa, who is pushing her sword against Shinki's, who grunts and says "back off you ship ghost. That blonde is mine!"

With the Makaian goddess are Yumeko, Luize, Yuki, and for some reason, Kaguya, who wears a daring, high-cut, dark red, sleeveless and legless leotard, a yellow shoulder belt with bombs and a few knives on its pockets, and a pair of sexy brown, cross-laced, thigh-high boots.

The Lunar Princess places her hands on her hips, smiles cockily, and says "fear my sexy!"

Twin golden washtubs fall from the dark ceiling, and now Yumeko and Kyouko are knocked out on the ground, both with a steaming bump on the crown of their heads. Nobody seems to care.

The remaining girls all ready for battle, and while the two leaders pull out swords, Orange and Kaguya pull out a rubber chicken, and Aya and Luize pull out a pen and a notepad, and now all glower at each other.

They all raise their chosen weapons, ready to strike, crack jokes, and doodle and gossip against each other, then the door opens up, and a shining Yumemi walks out of the room with a blissfully content face, and after a sigh, she says "she's all yours now. I certainly had my fill. Have fun~"

She sways her hips as she walks away, taking her shining body with her, and as she does, the girls all stare at her in shock and surprise.

After the shining redhead is gone, all the girls outside the door suddenly pile on each other in an attempt to strike the other fast and hard, while inside the room, the newly sexyfied Chiyuri lies on the bed, with her eyes in the shape of two white disks, and having a gaping, blank smile on her drooling, sweaty face, and moaning and chuckling to herself while weakly rearranging her leotard, pulling particularly hard on the bottom.

Outside the door, all the girls lie on the ground, giving Yuyuko the chance to smile casually as she walks by, waves at the fallen girls, then she enters the room.

There's some rustling, a thump, then the ghost princess walks out with Chiyuri hanging over her left shoulder, still having white disks for eyes and lifelessly saying "ooooooooo-please let me rest-oooooooooo"

The well-endowed ghost princess coos after walking over Kaguya's hands, then says "what a lovely decor you have here, Chiyuri-chan. After we're done, you just HAVE to teach me how to adorn my ship like this."

The blonde captain's hands hang around while Yuyuko carries the girl away, while that poor girl can only say "aaauuuuuu-please take off these boobs. The groping is hurting-aaaauuuuuuu~"

The fallen girls are completely ignored, until Tewi breaks out of the floor, slams a large round brown pedestal in the middle, then snickers as she walks away.

The pedestal opens up, then all the knocked out girls suddenly stand up, screaming in sheer terror and full of life, as though they've seen the Yama herself standing before them.

Enemies hug and cry, and before too long, all the girls run away from the ship, breaking a hole to the outside, and running on the air back to their ships.

On the pedestal stands Reisen Udongein Inaba, posing sexily, stretching her body up while wearing a pink, side-tie bikini, and absolutely nothing else on her oiled-up body.

Her almost perfect body is gorgeously exposed in such a manner, that describing it could cause many reactions people would consider lewd and rude, even though it's only natural to react in such ways to this wondrous sight.

Tewi comes back with a scoreboard, adds a stick under Reisen's name, which happens to have SEVERAL sticks, and sinisterly says "don't mess with **THIS** sexy bunny, you hacks."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Human Village, several youkai and humans work together to fix one of the many messes left behind by the many shenanigans happening around Gensokyo lately.

Two of these youkai are two particular blondes, whom are particular enough to be put to work in a separate space, away from any others that might get in their way, and suffer a most unfortunate accident, particularly.

One of these blondes is Parsee Mizuhashi, who wears a black shirt under a blue overall dress with two bronze buttons, long socks, brown work boots, and is currently NOT protecting her green eyes by leaving her safety glasses set on her blonde wavy hair. Oh, and she has her cute pointy ears exposed.

She glares at Yuugi Hoshiguma, who currently wears a pair of blue overalls over a brown shirt, her red panties are visible through the side holes of her overalls, a pair of thick brown work boots, her red eyes are covered by the safety glasses, her wavy blonde hair is a little longer than Parsee's, reaching down to her lower back, she has a large red horn with a yellow star growing from her forehead, and she also has thick shackles on her ankles and wrists.

The oni is currently hammering some nails on the skeleton of what will be a future house again, while the sexy jealousy is measuring boards of wood, and being obviously annoyed about it.

She suddenly roars and tosses the measuring tape aside, and says I've had it! Why do I have to measure all alone while you get to have all the fun? I want to hit things too!"

Yuugi is already beside her friend, and while offering the hammer with her friendliest grin and a chuckle, she says "alright, alright. You can use the hammer if you want. I don't mind."

As soon as the hammer passes to Parsee's hand, a glint escapes her green eyes, her smile becomes a vicious grin, then the tall woman looks down and says "oh, I dropped a nail," and proceeds to bend down, while the bridge princes says "YOU FOOL! NOW YOU DIE," and swings that hammer with all her might.

Yuugi bends down, Parsee misses her swing and continues spinning with the momentum, the hammer remains on her hand while her swings goes for a second revolution, which catches chibi-neko Damien just as he's about to make his appearance, and as he flies away with a bandaged bump on his forehead, with his manly and suave voice, he calmly says "what an unfortunate event to be caught up in. Such are the fruits of chaos."

The jealous blonde finally falls after slipping, yelps after the hammer falls on her head, then cries "augh! That's so unfair!"

The oni girl finally takes notice that something is going on and stands up, making her partner yelp and shriek out loud "STOP, YOU IDIOT ONI!", when her large red horn gets stuck on the other blonde's skirt, and is being lifted effortlessly by the strong woman.

Yuugi looks around in confusion, apparently unaware that Parsee's skirt is currently all over her face, and after a sigh, she says "man, I took too long picking that up. It's night. *Sniff sniff* Hey, what's that I smell?"

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOT!", screams the green-eyed monster while trying to pull herself free from the large horn to save her decency.

The blonde oni starts moving around roughly in her search for the screaming youkai, and since, for some reason, the skirt doesn't slip off, the woman calls "Parsee? Is that you? It's really dark in here. And it smells funny too!"

"KYAAAH! I'm going to kill you!", cries the desperate blonde as she kicks the woman's ample chest in her desperate attempt to break free of that horn.

Yuugi "whoops" when she trips on a large silver key with gold surrounding the blue-edged handle, and falls face-down on the ground, where Parsee-chan screams even more desperately upon getting an oni's face planted on her nether region.

"**KYAAAAAAH~ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING YOU PERVERT! GET OFF! GET OFF! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOOOOOSH! SOMEONE HELP ME! SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS PERVEEEEERT!**"

Parsee's screaming is so rapid and loud, Yuugi instantly stands up, pulling her friend with her, and says "what? I'll save you! Let me just get you off my face first!"

She picks up the large key that knocked her before from the ground and says "ah, this should free me," then more loudly shouts "don't worry Parsee-chan! Once I get your skirt off my face, I'll get that pervert for you."

Poor bridge princess scream when that oni brutally rips her skirt when she pushes the large key through it to use as leverage, while the tough woman quietly says "say, Parsee-chan, when we get home, you're taking a bath, alright."

"**FUCK YOUUUUUUU!**" screams the actually-clean green-eyed girl while flipping her finger at her friend.

The blonde woman takes the tip and handle of the large key with her hands, grunts and pushes it forward, and the youkai of jealousy can only scream as she is cannonballed up to the sky.

Parsee screams so many curses and profanities, the trees, rebuilt houses, and even the clouds nearby seem to melt, while the children at Keine's school giggle and laugh at the many, MANY colorful words being echoed on the wind.

Yuugi watches as her blonde friend crashes against the Unnamed Ghost Ship, how that ship explodes, how those pieces of wood fly everywhere along with many screaming girls, then said oni lifts her left arm and catches the burned-to-a-crisp green-eyed youkai and asks "now, where's that pervert?"

The little cat girls, Yumemi and Ran, stand in front of the towering oni, quietly getting her attention after a bit, then the redhead says "nya~ That was really dangerous. You shall be labeled as a hazard-nyan."

The multi-tailed cat girl jumps up high, smacks a Biohazard sticker on Yuugi's forehead, then grabs the horn and swings twice before flipping away, sticking her landing and nodding thrice with her "HUN-HUN-HUN," getting a 9.2 (Yuugi), a 8.5 (Parsee), and a 3 (c-n Yumeko), which seems to annoy her.

The blonde cat leaves sighing and muttering "bad score", her redhead friend follows, the large key on Yuugi's hand vanishes in a spark of light, then the oni looks at her sizzling friend, and asks "did you get that pervert yourself?"

Parsee raises her shivering hand, aims to smack the oni on the face, said oni looks up to the sky at the image of a boy with blue eyes and long, spiky brown hair that's winking at her, says "thank you S*ra", and the jealously youkai girl stabs her arm on the horn by accident, howls in pain, then cries "and I didn't get to hit things!"

Chibi-neko Damien takes the foreground, and while he rubs the massive bump on his forehead, he suavely says "you hit something very important."

* * *

Midday at the Moriya Shrine.

Suwako and Kanako are sitting on two cushions each, while each holds a black W*imote, while placing their full attention to the TV in front.

The goddess of winds and war stares at her controller, turns it all around, then asks "and how exactly do I use this?"

The goddess of nature and curses rolls her eyes with a sigh, shows her friend how to properly hold the control, and says "you hold it like this. Seriously Kanako, you're younger than me. You should at least know how to hold a videogame controller."

The gramma-haired goddess; who glares at something with intent to kill after such rude description; looks at her controller, places it like Suwako's, and says "well sorry for not being interested in silly games, oh ancient loli of the ages."

Moriya clicks her tongue in annoyance, and while a red vein pulsates on her hat, she says "whatever! Look, the game's starting. Just try to not hold me back pillow-chest."

"You're just jealous," comments Kanako, just as their attention turns to the game.

It's "New Ero-Kami Buds W*i", starring Super Kreo-chan and her buddy, Kana-chan, and has two extras nobody really gives a toss about.

"Oh, I remember this game from when Sanae was in pre-school. Ah, but it looks so different from before," comments the air-headed goddess of war.

"That's because this, unlike you, is young and fresh," says Suwako with a mischievous chuckle.

Kanako roars and says "that's it! You're going DOWN, rain-licker!"

"HYAH! WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU-"

There is some rustling, but all sounds stop for a second, then "**WHAAAAAAA!**", both goddesses scream, there's a bright flash, a zap, and now both goddesses are missing from the living room.

Suwako and Kanako find themselves inside world 1-1 of their game, and after looking around themselves for a bit, Moriya shouts "YOU IDIOT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!"

Yasaka looks around at the smiling clouds, carpet-like grass, striped ground, hovering brick blocks, shrugs, then says "hey, you should be thanking me, hikikomori. Do you know how many gamers out there would love nothing more than to be zapped into their own games?"

The blonde stops to think, and when she realizes those words just spewed, she smiles, blushes, and chuckles mischievously.

The blue-haired goddess keeps looking around with her arms crossed under her chest, and asks "so, what's the point of the game? I mean, don't these kinds of situations get fixed when the players beat the game, or something?"

Suwako chuckles nervously and says "that's really clichéd, but your right. Ahem, the point of this game is to get through the levels and beat each world's castles so that we", she starts to drool "...may catch Ail and Sanae in the act at the end of it all."

Kanako's face turns beet red, steam puffs out of her nose, her smile becomes goofy and wriggled, then she darts forward, shouting "then what the HELL are doing here standing around for? Let's MOVE!"

Kero-chan stares at her friend as she rushes straight toward a turtle that looks like Genjii, with a beard and all, and nonchalantly says "alright. Just try not to get touched by that-"

*PU-CHIUNN* "KYAHH~"

The blonde face palms and says to herself "this is going to be a long game."

She casually walks over to Kanako, who is a miniature cat version of herself and screams in a high-pitched tone "what's the problem with this game? And what's the deal? Why am I so small, and a CAT?"

Suwako runs over, jumps on top of the bearded turtle that happens to scream just like Genjii, forcing him into his shell, then kicks it hard so that it moves straight toward a line of tiny Shou heads that are using their hair as legs to move around, and after a chain of knocked out Shous, a quick tweeted fanfare plays, and the blonde goddess proudly mumbles "oh yeah. 1-Up."

Kero-chan sighs, looks at the tiny kitty Kanako, and says "look, you idiot, this game is hacked to be five times harder than the original, so don't go rushing into the levels without first having a look around. Now... come with me."

The blonde's sudden hesitation of words comes from the fact that the tiny kitty cat is frowning hard, has red cheeks, large, teary, upward-aimed blue eyes, and is fiddling with her fingers, but what causes the frog girl to lose it, is when that little creature nods.

She looks away to hide her bleeding nose, and says "j-just follow me *pant pant*, and I'll keep us safe. M-May-*pant* maybe I can find us the power ups."

Thanks to earlier, the field is currently clean of enemies, so they reach the first set of brick blocks, and with a smile on her face, Suwako smashes them until she hits the one hiding the power ups.

One is a large green star that reads "Faith", and the other is a large red helmet with a yellow propeller on top.

"Kanako, pick that up," commands the blonde while she chases after the helmet, which seems to want to run away.

The tiny cat girl chases after the moving star, touches it, and after an odd, repeated animation, she grows back to her usual, **old** self; and again she glares toward somewhere after such a description.

She ignores the source of the insulting description, again, then looks for the blond, calling "hey, Suwako~ Where did you go?"

Kero-chan drops from the sky while performing a drill kick, lands in front of Kanako, now sporting a yellow propeller on top of Pyonta, and wearing purple socks, and says "try to not get hit again too soon, please."

She notices how the blue-haired goddess is staring at her as if exploring her, and angrily says "what? Did you really think I'd wear that laughable helmet and jumper for your amusement?"

The ample goddess just chortles, while the blonde just clicks her tongue and says "whatever. Come on, we need to reach the flagpole before time runs out."

"We have a timer?", asks the air-headed goddess of war.

The nature goddess crosses her arms under her chest, while pointing casually toward the upper-right corner of the world, where the timer is just about to hit a hundred seconds.

As soon as she hurry-up tune begins, the two goddesses screech, and they start running like mad-women toward the goal.

Meanwhile, outside the game, Budou is resting on her belly on the floor and placing her head on her hands, while looking at the TV screen with a nonchalant smile on her face, then starts swinging her legs around and humming the game's tune while the two goddesses continue to scream while running.

Kanako shrieks, and there's that *pu-chiunn~* again, and with a high-pitched voice, she cries "and I got hit again!"

Inside the game, that very goddess has somehow found a Faith Star, and has grown again, but now she has a Tenshi, riding on a smiling keystone, and is throwing tiny, shocking Iku's at her, while Suwako hangs from the tip of the flagpole and shouts "HURRY UP, YOU OLD HAG!"

The old, ample-chested goddess jumps several steps up a hill until she's high above the flagpole, takes one more leap of faith, somehow missing being hit by a shocking Iku, then smashes her head against Suwako's, both fall along the enemy's skull flag, the monsters become coins and 1-Ups, and even though they just went through stage 1-1, the two ero-kamis are knocked on the ground, seeing stars flying around their heads.

Outside, Budou giggles and coos playfully, looks at the third, teal controller next to the console, and casually asks herself "I wonder if I should help them?"

Chibi-neko Ran holds Kanako's controller while she stares at little Budou, nods thrice and hums "HUNHUNHUN!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Minamitsu, Kyouko, Orange, and for some reason, both Aya and Satori with an odd camera and an armored third eye, sneak on board said ship, and begin their stealth infiltration in search for Chiyuri, and her boobs.

As soon as the mind-reader lands, the captain turns around and whispers "alright girls, this is a stealth mission. No noise of any kind, no contact with anyone, and certainly, NO KISSING yet!"

The Temple girls all look at the tengu and mind-reader, whom blush and look away from said girls, and from each other.

The girls turn around to face their target destination, then Minamitsu whispers "alright then, try to keep hid-"

"**SHAMEIMARUUUUUUU! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!**"

"LOOK OUT, AYA-CHAN!"

"NOOOOOOO! SATORI-CHAAAAAAN!"

Captain Murasa groans as she face palm hard enough to turn her skin red at the point of impact, and just slides her hand as hard as she can down her face while letting out an exasperated sigh in an attempt to calm herself down.

The screaming from Hatate, Satori, and Aya, in that particular order, have destroyed all chances of stealth, and so the mission becomes...

"FREE FOR ALL!"

As soon as the REAL captain screams those words, Kyouko jumps away from a disgusting-looking zombie Hatate, whom has Satori trapped by one of those many tentacles from her back, while Aya jumps around to avoid the incoming attacks, and shoots flashes from her camera to subdue the monster.

Orange and her yamabiko partner stare awestruck at how that tengu girl deals so bravely with that monstrous zombie, then both their faces turn green when Satori grunts, and her grunt comes followed with a very disturbing splosh.

Even Murasa grimaces at whatever may have happened (so much blood), but her goal is Chiyuri and her leotard-clad boobs, and she's not leaving without her!

And that's when she realizes that she, and her two lackeys are currently surrounded and pointed at by several swords from Youmu, Kimi, Merlin, and Yuyuko herself.

The sexy ghost princess/captain with the almost-exposed chest through a white shirt, which has that vest that does very little to cover up much, giggles sinisterly, and says "you have guts coming all the way here to steal from me. U-fu-fu-fu. Tell you what. Since I like you, I'll give you a chance to get that which you desire..."

Mini-chan glowers at the sexy ghost princess with an upward glance, and asks "and what that 'chance' might be?"

Captain Saigyouji giggles playfully, pulls her fan from her pocket, points at the clock tower behind her, and says "climb the clock tower and save the princess from the medusa."

Captain Murasa smiles and casually says "is that all? Pfff! Give me a second and I'll save your princess."

Before moving on, the black haired girl looks around, realizes she's on a ship, and asks "wait, how the hell do you have a clock tow- ...You know what? Never mind. Lemme just take a whack at this."

She walks over the dual doors leading inside the tall tower, looks up, summons her larges anchor, then smashes is against the structure's wall, shattering it to bit, and forcing Futo out the window of the topmost floor while the whole thing crumbles.

Poor Futo-chan screams as she falls along the rubble that once was a large clock tower, but is caught by a single arm from Murasa, who turns around to face the shocked girls, and says "princess saved! Gimmie Chiyuri!"

"**THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SAVE A PRINCESS!**" screams Youmu, while the hermit moe looks around while still on the ghost girl's arm, before nervously saying "what manner of sorcery is this? I was just enjoying some sunlight, when I suddenly began falling from a tower! WHERE AM I?"

Yuyuko coos and giggles as she walks toward Minamitsu, grabs Futo like a princess, then says "the payment is fair. Go and take your girl. She's right there on the dinner table."

And there she is. The unconscious Chiyuri, sprawled on Yuyuko's dinner table and already smeared in honey.

The poor blonde grimaces in her sleep, then mumbles "uuuuu~ Big boobs... big problems. Back hurts."

The perverted captain of the Palanquin smiles and drools at the sight of her prize, and like some sort of zombie girl, she slowly makes her way to the blonde, snickering while thinking of all the things she'll do, which shall be omitted for obvious reasons.

With her prize drooping over her shoulder, Minamitsu walks over to her girls and says "alright girls, mission accomplished! Let's head back."

When she reaches the temple girls, Orange jumps on Kimi's hands and says "no! Kimi-nee-san said she'd teach me martial arts!"

She shadow dragon looks so blissfully happy with the youkai girl clinging on her like that, her whole character seems out-of-character, but even so, she coos as she hugs the girl and cheerfully says "yes I am, you cute little sweetheart."

Merlin jumps on the other shoulder of said dragon girl, and cheerfully says "YAY! Can I join you? I wanna learn how to kick ass too."

A vein pulsates on the light-orange haired woman, whose eyes become intense with hatred and rage toward the intruding girl, who quickly lets go and backs away, whimpering with fear alongside Kyouko, who happens to have a target-death flag planted on her forehead.

Mini-chan watches the two frightened girls huddle together, shrugs, then says "well, whatever. Your debt to me is paid, so... have fun, I guess."

"Wai-" Kyouko tries to plea for help escaping the shadow dragon, who now has her evil eyes locked on both the yamabiko and poltergeist, and sinisterly asks "now then, which one of you will help us practice?"

* * *

Hours later, at the deck of the Palanquin, Byakuren, Shou, Ichirin, and the little red-haired fairy, are in their bikinis, taking in some sunrays for a nice suntan, while Unzan and Rinnosuke, both whom wear short boxers and silly black ties, make sure to be ready for whenever they are summoned.

The cloud man is particularly tense, seeing as his tie is made from a sealing charm that's under Ichirin's complete control, while the manly shop owner seems to be threatened by the constant gaze of chibi-neko Miko, who sits on barrels behind him.

But that's not important now. We move on straight to Captain Murasa's special, secret, hidden, torture room, where Chiyuri is currently waking up, fresh, clean, and still in her sexy leotard.

The blonde sits on the edge of the surprisingly comfortable wooden table with light cushions, looks around at the room, fully wakes up with a fright, her face turns blue, she gulps with fear, and from her right, Captain Murasa says "relax, you're safe now."

The captain wannabe yelps and jumps off the table, though falls on her butt and curses the fact that gravity is a ruthless bitch.

Regardless, after rubbing herself and subduing her pain, she opens her eyes wide, looks at herself, then says "wait, I'm clean? You... didn't do M rated things to me? THANK YOU!"

Captain MOTHER***ING Murasa lights her golden pipe, blows a few smoke clouds to the air, then bluntly says "oh, don't misunderstand. I did a WHOLE LOT OF THINGS to you while you were knocked out."

"I have to admit," adds the captain with a tone of longing as she looks out the only window to the right. "Your cute voice really caught me off guard."

Chiyuri's teeth become jagged, as her face turns blood red, her eyes become two white scowls, and her murderous gaze is shot to Minamitsu Murasa, who blushes tomato red while sighing very contently.

The blonde is about to death-pounce the perverted black-haired ghost, when said girl casually says "you should still be grateful. After I took all that stuff out of my system, I bathed you, washed your clothes, and let you rest here for a whole day, even though in the story it's still the same day as yesterday."

The wannabe girl finds herself moved to tears, and with a soft whimper, she asks "you did that for me?"

Minamitsu just shrugs and says "well, the author's been giving you so much crap, I though a break might do you good ...And it seems he thought the same."

A happy sigh escapes Chiyuri, then from outside, Shou-chan shouts "oh no! Byakuren fell off the ship again!"

The magician monk can be heard screaming "I'm somehow falling again~"

Yumemi and chibi-neko Yumemi crash through the roof of the secret room, which happens to be right behind the new cabin built only a day ago, then the redhead points her finger at Murasa while her cat self mimics her every move, then she bends down and holds her knees to breathe.

She recomposes herself, points at the captain again, then demands "I demand you return Chiyuri to me this very instant! I NEED MY DOSE OF THOSE BOOBIES!"

Captain Murasa shrugs, takes the pipe out of her mouth, and nonchalantly says "eh, go ahead. I'm going after Nitori again now. You can even use this room if you want, but if you do, remember Nazrin gets to play too."

Chiyuri roars and screams "now wait just a damn moment! Don't I have a say in this! ?"

Nazrin appears behind the screaming girl, wearing a shiny red and black leather mistress suit, flicks her tail on the blonde's back like some whip, and says "you only speak when your Mistress tells you, boobielicious!"

Chiyuri grabs her own chest, squeezes it out of rage, and shouts "damn these gorgeous things, and DAMN YOU WILLIE G.R.! WHEN I FIND YOU AGAIN, I'M SUFFOCATING YOU WITH THESE... THINGS!"

The redhead grabs her girl by the waist, easily lifts her up, and says "that's enough out of you. Now COME ONE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone save me, please! ANYONE!"

_ASK, AND YE SHALL RECEIVE, FOR THAT IS THE LAW OF LIFE!_

That pixilated man in green appears above the ship like some holy deity, pushes that stick-like sword out, a beam flies from it, then the Palanquin pops in a pixilated burst after being touched by the beam.

After that, a dolphin with a constellation on the forehead swims, er... flies by as though swimming in the ocean, whistles and clacks some cackles, then flies away to the sky, leaving a trail of yellow sparks behind it.

* * *

Back at the "New Ero-Kami Buds" game, Suwako, the tiny-kitty Kanako, and a cure fairy in a blue dress and wearing a blue, white-spotted mushroom on her head, are currently running as though their lives depended on it, on world 8-20.

Behind them are three Tenshis on smiling keystones that keep throwing tiny electric Ikus, a Marisa that seems to be divided into five spiky balls, one on top of the other, and no less than five angry Reimus that are wearing helmets, and throw goheis to the air without pause.

"Dammit all, Budou," shouts the blonde curse goddess. "Why the hell did you make this game so damned hard?"

Outside the game, the adorably nerdy bat youkai has installed a high-tech microphone/headphones on the game console, which is also wireless (_Hey, videogame company dudes... Take a hint!_), and is quite relaxed as she plays with her teal controller sideways.

Almost sounding too natural, the adorable, teal-haired girl says "it's not my fault you guys don't know how to play."

From the TV, Suwako furiously screams "**WHO THE HELL CAN PLAY IN A STAGE WITHOUT FLOORS! ?**"

"Wahhh~ I don't wanna go poof! Boody-chan, get us out of here!", cries the tiny kitty Kanako in a high-pitched tone of voice.

Budou blushes and cowls with thick, black lines for eyes, and feeling annoyed, she says "don't call me Boody-chan, or I'm going away! Sounds **CREEPY!**"

Back inside the game, several flying little Remilias and Flandres in shape of hawks have joined the chase for the perverted goddesses, and even worse, they are spitting out scarlet spears and flames.

Finally, the running girls come across a cluster of glowing yellow boxes with pulsating orange question marks on them.

"FINALLY!", shouts Suwako before taking a quick leap that reveals an invisibility Sake-Bottle, but due to 2-D gaming rules, she can jump around the blocks to get the life-saving item.

"ARGH! Budou, how can I get that! WE REALLY NEED IT!" screams the desperate kero-chan.

The little bat youkai grins mischievously while looking at the screen, then says "the sixth block is fake and will break, which will let the bottle bounce over to you..."

The desperate blonde breaks the fake item box with a headbutt, then jumps again, while the cute bat says "...just don't try jumping on the blocks, or you'll- ...ah."

Too late. Suwako reveals a hidden coin block that turns solid upon revelation, preventing herself from reaching that bottle, and said bottle from bouncing to her.

This development, instead, causes the Invisibility Sake to bounce back toward the enemy, and THIS causes the normally-calm blonde goddess to shout such a lovely curse, Budou's W*imote rumbles with intensity.

"BUUUUDOUUUUUUU! WHY? WHY? WHYYYYY?"

From outside, the cute little bat says "well I told you to NOT try to jump on the blocks. I specifically said-"

"MEROWWWWWWW", screams the little cat goddess, pointing toward a Tenshi that has taken the Invincibility Sake, and is currently ingesting its contents.

She grows screen-size, her face becomes red, she grows a pair of horns, her eyes turn dark, and her Ikus take half the screen now, but on the positive side, that one giant oni-Tenshi on a giant sneering keystone has crushed all other enemies.

Suwako and tiny cat Kanako scream out loud, while Budou cheers from outside, as they all head straight toward that bridge with an axe at the end of the stage.

The blonde goddess cackles with glee, and exclaims "FINALLY! THE FINAL GOAL! Kanako, we'll get so see Sanae and Ail in the act!"

The cat goddess cheers with delight as they reach the bridge, which doing so actually forces the oni-Tenshi back (some sort of digital, invisible wall), and now the goddesses smile with excessively wriggled lips at the new monster in FRONT of them.

Miko Toyosatomimi has a massive green turtle shell with spikes on her back, her hair now seems to make the shape of horns, her headphones are made of fire, her mouth looks lizard-like and long, and she's at least nine feet tall... and getting bigger and bigger while some sort of magic spell-like curtain falls on her.

Said spell comes from a weird, green-hooded Tojiko that cackles like an idiot before flying away.

Moriya-sama looks toward what she suspect is the TV screen, and with narrow black lines for eyes, she cries "ara~ Budou. This could get us in trouble, you know."

"No, no, Miko-chan said it was ok. As long as you didn't get to stomp her, that is, so I made her impossible to stomp," happily replies the bat from outside.

Poor little Kanako cries when Miko stomps her king-sized foot on the bridge and roars, then the blonde goddess face palms while sighing, then says "seriously, Budou, you overdid it with the game's difficulty."

"Aw, you guys just need to learn how to play," says the cute bat from outside. "Here, let me show you how it's done. Just stand right there for a second."

Before the blonde can even ask what's the plan, Budou's character jumps on the goddess' head, and uses the momentum to jump up high, strikes a hidden block holding an Invincibility Sake, skillfully falls under it, and the second she grabs it, her character grows a pair of angel wings, and starts sparkling in several intermittent colors.

The little fairy runs right through the giant Miko without doing any damage, stands next to the axe, then suddenly reaches under her own skirt and pulls off a pair of white with black polka-dotted panties from herself.

The monster stares at the panties, her eyes suddenly bulge and she starts to scream while covering her own flaming ears, then very suddenly, she stumbles backward toward other edge of the screen, where Suwako is still standing.

That goddess yelps and whimpers when she realizes she's about to be crushed, and cries "Ka-Kanako, looks like we're-", and that's when she notices the tiny cat goddess standing besides the blue fairy, smiling and waving at the blonde goddess, who points and screams "HOW DID YOU GET THEREEEEEEE! ?"

The tiny kitty goddess jumps and waves her arms with a "nyan" on each jump, while Budou says "I told you to move along with me, but you were too busy staring at my invincible panties to listen!"

"GYAAAAAAAH~!"

Suwako's scream is quickly muted when there's a loud "PU-CHIUN~", following Miko's tumble backward.

After the beast is subdued, a miniature cat version of the blonde goddess jumps toward the two girls, hops right in front of the axe, looks up at the blue fairy with the mushroom hat, and with a high-pitched voice, says "finally, we beat the game. Let's watch the sexy, and get the HECK outta here!"

The background immediately turns black, a sexy song starts to play, and all of a sudden, written in blood-red, the words **CENSORED** appears in front of the scene that SHOULD show Ail and Sanae during a private moment.

The two goddesses immediately start to cry, then tiny kero-chan asks "BUT WHYYYYYYY~?"

Outside the TV, Budou sits upright, with her arms crossed under her chest as she angrily looks away and says "like I'd deliberately let you see that! I told you two, you aren't bothering mama and papa while they are in alone time!"

While Moriya cries on her belly, repeating all the troubles they went through to get that far, the teary cat Yasaka looks toward the screen and says "Budou, sweetie, please, just get us out of here. I really need to sleep this off."

The little bat coos and giggles, then says "okay! Hang on tight!"

She crawls closer to the console, hits the Reset button, and just like that, the two goddesses are crying in the comfort of their living room, and in their original forms to boot.

The girls look around themselves with wonder, then Suwako swiftly rushes over to the little bat youkai's face, and angrily asks "if getting us out from that game was as easy as hitting reset, why didn't you do it in stage 6-12, BEFORE THAT NUE BULLET WITH A MOUTH CRUNCHED MY ASS! ?"

The little girl smile, kisses the goddess on the nose, and says "because it would be too easy for you, and too boring for the readers."

The blonde goddess stares at the girl, becomes a stone statue, and at the Scarlet Demon Ark, just as Remilia is about to sip on her tea, Sakuya jumps on the table, and begins to dance seductively.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Unnamed Ghost Ship, another battle has been unleashed, where the sexy Makaian girls are fighting against the princess' crew.

Rika, whom is NOT in a leotard, like she should, is squaring off against Youmu, who seems very disheartened at the moment.

The half-ghost girl sighs, lowers her defenses, looks back, and asks "Yuyu-sama~ Do I really have to do this?"

The sweet shrine's maid lowers her sword, looks toward the same direction as Youmu, and sighs "mom~ Can't we do this differently?"

All the way to their right, Yuyuko and Shinki are pushing each other with their swords raised high above their heads, with epic lightning crashing down around them, and thunder rumbling loudly above their heads.

The whole scenery turns to a normal, beautifully warm and sunny day when the two hag-er..., beauties pulls their swords away from each other, and smile toward their girls.

"Now Youmu, don't you chicken out on me now. Besides, if you win, I'll wear that special swimsuit you like me wearing~ *blows kiss*"

The silver-haired girl's face turns beet red upon such offering, saliva starts trickling down the corner of her mouth, and a bit of blood dribbles from her nose down to her lips.

"Rika, dear, don't feel bad. Just don't go all out. Besides, if you win, I'll go to the shrine and play the role of mom for a day, just how you love it *wink*."

The angel-winged maid's cheeks turn pink, her small wings begin to flutter on their own, and the girl sighs happily.

Immediately afterward, both subordinates raise their weapons, then Youmu says "sorry, but I just can't lose! There's nothing my sword won't cut after all!"

Rika grins, activates her Soraogan Mode, and after spreading her large angelic wings, she confidently says "nothing personal, but there's no chance I'll lose to you. Get ready!"

As soon as the two girls engage in combat, we turn our full attention to the ladies in command, whom are looking at their girls with motherly eyes, then Shinki says "all they needed was a little motivation. *Sigh* Bless them both."

Yuyuko giggles and coos, then sweetly says "they are both very good girls. Maybe we could pair them up later. Who knows, it might actually work. *Sigh* So cute."

The two women suddenly turn on each other and resume pushing swords against each other, the sky turns black once more, lightning strikes around them again, thunder rumbles hard, and somewhere under the Youkai Mountain, Damien has just found the Hero's Bow and arrows, and he's not really sure of what to do with them.

He can only stare at the item with disinterest, while wondering "_would this thing really kill Ail and Kyo?_"

Back at the ghostly ship, Yuyuko kicks Shinki on the stomach, grabs her by her hair, places her rusty sword on that goddess-leveled sexy neck, and sinisterly whispers "now, you admit I'm the sexiest and stronger of the two of us, or your head will find its way into the beast's belly!"

After slurping, the ghost princess thinks "_Mainly mine._"

The goddess elbows the princess' stomach, headbutts her face, kicks her ankle, and once the well-endowed ghost is down, the Makaian points the tip of her sword on the pink-haired woman's neck, and smiles.

"Give up. You can't beat a goddess in beauty, or might. Even if you wore a leotard now, it's too late, my sexy curves beat yours!"

Thunder and lightning strike besides the woman at the same time, startling the light-blue haired goddess, then the pink-haired ghost kicks that woman's back of the knee, back-rolls away, stands on her feet ready for a swordfight, and after her opponent recovers, they look at each other, and smile while said woman takes her fighting stance.

Shinki swings her sword diagonally, Yuyuko intercepts from below, the goddess swings sideways, the ghost tucks her belly and arcs back, then thrusts forward, making her opponent move left.

The ghostly princes takes this chance to kick the Makaian goddess on the stomach, sinking that boot into that perfect belly, but that's when she realizes Shinki's got her foot, so she smiles and chuckles nervously, while said goddess smiles back and wiggles her fingers back at her.

Without thinking too much on it, she twirls Yuyuko around with such ease, it's not even hilarious (which it is), then she lifts the dizzy ghost woman above her head, then smashes her face-first on the solid wooden floor.

On a picnic table below the ships, the chibi-nekos are having a picnic while watching the two sexy women go at each other's throats with swords.

"You'd think mature women like them would settle their differences with diplomacy, nyan~" comments the tiny Yumemi.

"HUN-HUN-HUN," replies the little Ran, almost sinking her nose on her bowl of ramen.

The suave and beautiful tiny Sanae, whose eyes look like two thin black lines, sighs and with her suave and womanly voice, says "those fools. Don't they know I am the fairest of them all? Why, those two old fossils could never beat me at a real, diplomatic contest."

The two women on the screen, who's eyes become two large white scowls, turn their attention to the cat girl, who starts to laugh too smugly, not noticing how said sexy women start shooting butterflies and dark orbs to the air.

It only takes a second for the danmaku to reach the poor cat, who can only scream as she is blasted repeatedly.

The bullets stop, the TV is gone, chibi-neko Sanae is all burned up and sizzling, and after a long pause, chibi-neko Damien calmly says "danmaku can be very unisex, and quite painful."

"HUN-HUN-HUN," happily hums chibi-neko Ran while looking as obliviously happy as ever.

Back at the ship, the women are about to start their fight again, when SUDDENLY!

Iku falls like a bolt of lightning right on top of the Hakugyokurou replica, and she's wearing a pair of thick black headphones, and is moving her fists left and right in front of her chest while humming Tenshi's song (remixed).

The girls all gasp, then Shinki says "oh, by the GODS! That's too much groove!"

Yuyuko notices the oarfish youkai is about to do her spin and point pose, and screams "NO, YOU FOOL! It's way too much to-"

Nagae spins in place, stops, places her left hand on her hip, points upward with her right finger, then a massive bolt of bold, hot, blue lightning strikes her hard, causing the entire ship to explode at once.

She remains where she is, burnt to a crisp, though her bulging round, blinking eyes suggest she's fine, all the girls on the ship are sizzling while unconscious, and Aya, Satori, and Zombie Hatate, are playing cards over here.

"What a noisy bunch," comments Aya after placing an eight of hearts on the center of the girls.

"So very annoying," quietly comments Satori.

"Biiiitch... esssss," softly hisses the zombie Hatate.

As expected, the currently-unmanned ghostly ship begins its uncharted course toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, which somehow fires off a cannon that breaks a hole on the Scarlet Demon Ark, which quickly nose-dives its way toward the S.S. Glass Leotard, which, for some odd reason, turns one-hundred and ninety degrees around, and crashes against the Palanquin.

The image fizzles when Flandre, who is safely bored at the SDM, changes the channel, yawns, then asks "hey, Meiling?"

The cute redhead appears to the lounging girl's right, ignoring the bloody screams and incredibly loud crashes from the ships outside somewhere in Gensokyo, and asks "what is it, young mistress?"

The blonde vampire looks at the gate guard, smiles, then says "let's watch something together."

"FLAAAAAAN! HELP MEEEEEEE!" calls Remilia from the distance, right before something explodes, then the dragon youkai nods and says "sure thing, Miss Flandre! Thank you!"

* * *

The scene becomes like a snowy TV screen, and now we find ourselves looking at Nitori and Futo, who looks very interested about the black hand holding a ball of rice above a fire.

"That's right," cheerfully says the kappa, unaware of the perverted ship ghost looming over at the background. "Not only will the Handy-Baller shape the perfect rice ball, it will also prepare the fire, AND cook it for you! Just add seasonings as desired."

Several unseen people clap and cheer along with the starry-eyed hermit moe, while the kappa girl bows toward what we believe should be that unseen audience.

"Whoa~", excitedly exclaims Futo before jumping around and happily asking "may I partake of it? Huh? Huh?"

The blue-haired girl is not sure what that girl said, so she just scratches the side of her head while sweating a bit, and says "um, sure. Be my guest."

The adorable grey-haired girl claps as she cheers, while jumping around with glee, and then Nitori cheerfully says "DONE!"

Again, the unseen audience claps along with the impressed Futo, who suddenly smiles as she looks at the steaming, peach-filled rice ball.

Before the cute girl with the long ponytail reaches for that delicious meal, the twin tailed kappa smacks her hand, then says "ah-ah-ah! Just wait a moment. I'm not finished showing what my machine can do. Now watch this."

While the hand pulls itself away from the fire, a small hose appears under its palm, and douses the fire with a quick, but strong splash, while Nitori proudly says "when it's done, the Handy-Baller will douse the fire on its own, wrap you ball in seaweed, then gracefully hand it over to you, so that you don't have to worry yourself about all that stuff. You just enjoy your meal."

Again, the impressed self-proclaimed shikaisen claps along with the unseen public, and quickly stops and cups her hands together as the mechanical hand lifts itself to give the delicious food.

The machine suddenly starts whirring and popping, some sparks fly out of the fingers, then the kappa shouts "uh-oh! HIT THE FLOOR!", to which the confused Futo asks "what? Why would I want to strike the soil? Is this part of your presentation?"

At that moment, the hand winds back, grasps the rice ball, winds back even further while preparing its throw, then Kyouko falls from the sky in front of the hermit girl, and declares "I'M FREE-KYAH!"

The adorable yamabiko gets a face full of rice and peach cream, while at the same time, the impact is so strong, the poor youkai girl flips backward in the air three times, before finally falling flat on her stomach to the ground, where she moans while her eyes spin.

The hermit moe blinks twice, glowers, points at the machine, which seems to twitch with fright, and exclaims "foul mechanization, you have attacked me and harmed a heroic beast girl in the process! I SHALL VANQUISH THEE!"

The mechanical hand seems to express some sort of fright and surprise, and hops its way behind the backpack of its creator, while the angry girl points a glowing finger at it.

Kimi, holding Orange like one would a daughter, walks in front of Futo, turning her attention away from the hand, then grabs Kyouko's leg and says "come on, we still have kicks to work on."

The poor yamabiko cries out loud "wahhh~ But I don't want to be the dummy anymore!"

"WAIT!", loudly shouts the hermit girl.

She walks over to the shadow dragon and the cute youkai girl, points at the teal-haired girl, and asks "may I acquire her instead? I have monetary compensation, if you'd so like."

Kimi smiles at the girl, hands over the leg, and says "I like you. You can have her for free. Just remember to feed her properly."

Futo salutes the dragon, and happily says "you may trust in me, as I have experience with the care of beasts."

Somewhere in Gensokyo, Tojiko sneezes out loud, and sniffles while rubbing her nose with her finger, while Miko stares at her and asks "so, ghosts can get colds, right?"

Back at the demonstration sight, Futo is rubbing Kyouko's ears, making her face flush while she moans and pants contently, all while Nitori is still lying on her stomach, waiting for the explosion from her invention.

Her skirt is suddenly lifted by the wind, revealing her navy-blue swimsuit underneath her clothes, then a pair of eyes glint, Minamitsu jumps from hiding, roaring as she pounces her pray, then the Handy-Baller grabs the perverted captain, scrunches her into a ball, then tosses her away to the distance.

Kawashiro lifts her head, looks around, and asks "hey, where's the explosion.

_KARMIC RETRIBUTION!_

The mechanical hand suddenly explodes, sending the burnt kappa flying over the air, and falling into the river, right on top of something slimy and green that was floating over the waters.

"Whoops. Sorry," says Hina over the distance.

* * *

The channel changes, and now we're at the Hakurei Shrine, where there seems to be a party going on, apparently celebrating the fiftieth rebuilding of the ships.

While some of the girls are just walking about and mingling, others are sitting on picnic sheets, or the few available tables there, and serving them are Sakuya, Mugetsu, and Rika, the latter taking most of the hard work.

The angelic maid zips from one side of the shrine to the other in a beam of light, and she's looking GOOD while doing it.

Sakuya is appearing and disappearing with ease, and though a little out of breath, she continues attending mostly her mistress and Patchouli, but will sometimes tend to Youmu, whom, for some reason, has her hands fully bandaged.

"See Youmu? That's why I told you to wear your gloves, silly," playfully says Yuyuko with her fan covering her mouth.

"I would have used them, if _someone_ hadn't used them for the fire dance," sadly replies the poor gardener.

Mugetsu is the only one trying to keep up, and as she runs around, she desperately cries "why am I even here? I'm not even a real maid either!"

Rika appears before the dream demon with a face so stern, even the flowers behind the blonde bow down along with the girl, who shouts "GLORIOUS MASTER!"

The angelic maid continues staring down at the girl, then says "I am appalled by your behavior, young lady. You are wearing a proud uniform of respectable servitude, and while you wear it, you will act as such, or I will be forced to discipline you! Did I make myself clear?"

The poor demon cries as she bows repeatedly and says "yes, YES! CRYSTAL CLEAR! Please, forgive this unworthy woman! I'll... I'll follow you to the depths of hell if I must!"

After saying all of that, Mugetsu stops bowing and remains low to the ground, while thinking "_this is nuts! I'm supposed to be a dream demon, yet I cower before this magnificent female specimen! I'M SICK!_"

She looks up at the well-endowed, goddess-shaped, adorably cute angelic maid, her face becomes flushed as she thinks "_but she's so cute and so sexy..._", then suddenly jumps toward the brown-haired angel, shouting "PLEASE LET ME TAKE YOU, GORGEOUS ONE!"

The poor blonde is met with a thick boot from a celestial that just happens to fall on her keystone, right where the lusty maid was jumping towards.

"Tenshi," happily coos Rika, right before giving her celestial friend a hug that makes her blush and giggle.

"Just dropping by to see how things are," casually comments the blue-haired cutie, and that's when the angelic maid gasps and exclaims "OH MY GOSH! I forgot about the guests!"

And she's off, straight toward Aya, Satori, Momiji and Hatate, the latter being back to her normal self, and having her brown hair in twin tails as pretty as ever, her white shirt with a tie as tightly cute as ever, her short checkered skirt as short as ever, and her black socks, geta sandals with a platform, and her tokin as tengu as ever.

The girls are chatting away with their plates still holding some of the unfinished food from before, and this happens to annoy Rika a slight bit, yet she politely says "girl, please, finish your plates, or there will be no desert for anyone."

This seems to strike Aya and Hatate the hardest; the evidence when they both gasp extremely desperately; and they quickly grab their plates to wolf down the rest of the meal, both choking at the same time, though nobody cares.

The white wolf casually nods and says "I'll be done shortly. Please do not worry," then the mind reader giggles and says "I'd never do that on purpose, just so that I may see your lady Reimu blushing... So cute."

Rika suddenly gasps like one would in a terror movie, while looking away from the tengu and mind-reader, bows with a quick apology, then suddenly rushes toward Kyo and Luna.

The silver-haired girl is frowning, while her buzzed boyfriend is looking toward Yuugi and cheering at the top of his lungs.

"Mister Kaizo, how could you?" exclaims the sweet maid with her softest stern tone of voice.

The muscled boy turns around, stares at said maid with disinterest, and asks "um... what's the matter, Rika?"

"Yeah, what's wrong? You look so upset," adds the sexy silver-haired one.

Rika points at the boy with a straight hand, and exclaims "how could you? Your woman is sitting right there next to you, and you are looking back cracking jokes with Miss Yuugi! Don't you know Miss Luna loves you and wishes to share things with you?"

The girl blushes and smiles nervously while flapping her hand in the air, chuckling softly, and saying "no, no, no. I'm alright, really."

Kyo, on the other hand, growls under his own breath, but tries to be polite as he says "oi, Rika, not to be rude, but please stick your nose on your own business."

A tiny black vein pops on the right side of the maid's forehead, and while she growls, she softly says "my nose... on business? At my mistress' shrine? RUUUUUUUUUUUDE!"

As her scream echoes all over the shrine, she grabs her ahoge, plucks it right off, and right before everyone's eyes, a black aura consumes her, and disappears rapidly.

Rika's outfit is now black where it once was white, the red skirt has become maroon, her hair has become darker and wavier, her wings have become raven black, and her eyes have become dark violet.

She grabs the boy by the shoulders, lifts him up without effort, sits him next to Luna, and says "now STAY together, like a good couple should! Just like Mister Ail and Miss Sana-EH? WHERE ARE THEY?"

The two love birds that SHOULD have been on a table, are currently elsewhere, saving themselves from my insane brain, while doing who-knows-what.

A puff of steam blows out of Rika's nose as she places her fists on her hips, and angrily says "inconceivable! They didn't even EXCUSE THEMSELVES! When I get them, ooh, they're gonna get it!"

She suddenly points at Kaguya, and angrily says "TOO MUCH SKIN!"

Before the Moon Princess has the chance to understand what is happening, Dark Rika has already sewn long sleeves and a skirt on her sexy leotard, and exclaims "we princesses must be WELL DRESSED AT ALL TIMES!"

Just before said alien princess can even complain, the dark girl shouts "don't talk back to a princess!", then, while Kaguya shrinks, moans "oooooohhh so glorious!", and bows, Dark Rika zips away, grabs Yuki, and starts spanking the girl, while saying "WE. DO. NOT. BURN. FOOD. WITHOUT. NEED!"

Poor fire witch cries with every spank, until she finally manages to cry "MOOOOOOM, SAVE MEEE!"

In an instant, Shinki appears besides Dark Rika, pats her on the head, and says "that's my girl! Acting like a true Makaian!" I'm so *sniffle* So proud *sob*!"

Kyo, Luna, Kaguya and Yuki shout "**HEY, INPUT SOME DISCIPLINE!**"

When that cute and sexy goddess blushes, chuckles nervously, and bashfully places her left hand behind her head, she's tackled by Mai, Luize and Yumeko, and shortly after, lewd sounds and giggles can be heard coming from the ground, causing the dark maid to turn around in surprise, and exclaim "MOM! TH-THAT'S NOT PROPER BEHAVIOR FOR A GODDESS!"

Suddenly, Mugetsu jump-hugs the dark maid and rubs her face on said maid's hip.

Before Dark Rika can react, Tenshi jump-hugs her from the front, and coos while rubbing her face on the maid's chest, making the girl blush and stammer.

Just as the dark one recomposes herself, Reimu jumps out of nowhere, hooks her hand around her maid's neck, spins around because of the momentum, hugs said girl until their cheeks are pressed against each others', and coos contently.

The maid gulps, her face turns pink, then she poofs and becomes normal Rika once more, and quickly returns her mistress hug while she flaps her angelic wings rapidly, and her ahoge grows back on its own.

There are countless thuds all over the shrine, and now the entire shrine is a bloodbath of happy faces and bleeding noses, which makes dear Rika mumbles a few whimpers before asking "wait, what happened? What's going on? M-Miss Reimu, we have to save them!"

The screen becomes snow again, then Flandre says "man, no action after all. I was hoping to see some."

* * *

Now we are seeing chibi-inu Ail, and he looks... inexplicably miserable.

The damned lucky dog is being smothered to the death between the ample bosoms of Yuyuko, then Yukari, then Byakuren, then Kasen, then Sakuya's (wait, what?), and all he does is sigh and whine while he's smothered by Byakuren yet again.

From outside of the scene, Sanae snarls softly and says "hey, Ail, what's the meaning of that?"

The dense boy hums and says "I know. Stupid dog doesn't know how lucky he is. Then again, maybe he wants your chest, huh Sanae? I mean, that would be EXTRA lucky!"

The shrine maiden suddenly coos softly, then the boy can be heard yelping and saying "wh-whoa, Sa-Sanae-chan! Y-you caught me off guard there."

The camera pulls away from the little lucky dog's death scene, where he is dying happily between Sanae's breasts, and now we are seeing Sanae's silhouette doing something to Ail's face that makes him shiver and twitch.

Just as the clothes start flying around the screen, a large image of Budou, holding a large CENSORED sign written in red, appears in front of the screen, shaking her head and saying "no, no, no~ This is not for everyone to see, so watch THIS instead."

Mystia is sleeping on her nest, and has just burped out Keine's hat, quite suspiciously too, then Flandre shouts "ARGH! That's not fair! I wanted to see!"

Outside the world of TV, Meiling is looking very nervous, and chuckles equally nervously, before saying "it's better this way, little sister. Things like that should be kept private. Besides, it's too much for children like... you? ...Meep!"

Flandre's glowing furious glare pierces the gate guard's every defense, and turns her into a shivering mass of fear.

Having achieved her goal, the young mistress calms down a bit, but doesn't stop scowling as she says "I'm almost five hundred years old, Meiling. I can handle a little heat!"

Her cute vampire face becomes a bit flushed, then she admits "aww, but I really wanted to see Ail and Sanae's peep video. Kyo and Luna's was amazing! And not a censor in sight! Ah, it was so hot."

Meiling Hong's heart leaps right out of her chest as soon as the girl chokes on her own gasp, yet manages to screech "YOUNGLADY!"

She holds her chest tight, drops to the floor, and after many breaths of air, she groans and says "that was really unexpected."

The blonde girl stares at the fallen, helpless gate guard, her eyes and her smile become lustful and without saying a word, chibi-nekos Miko and Sanae are carrying the limp redhead, and are trailing after Flandre as she walks toward her room, humming happily to herself.

* * *

Out in an open field, where the golden noon sun shines its most beautiful, Chiyuri sits on a large rock, allowing her legs hang down, and swings them lightly so that they sway along with the light wind.

She's wearing her sailors outfit again, and her breast have decreased one and a half cups (she's now a very decent A-cup for us westerners).

"Ah, so nice being back to my old self," sighs the captain wannabe while kicking her legs around.

"Seriously, big boobs are such a pain. Still, it was nice having them. And I guess the attention wasn't so bad either."

She starts rubbing her chest while saying "ugh, just wish they hadn't squeezes me so hard. Oh, came to piss me off? Well, you're not gonna. Not now, at least."

Minamitsu walks over her rival, saying "relax. Not in the mood for a fight right now," and jumps besides her to accompany the blonde in kicking their legs around.

She glances at the blonde captain, then chuckles softly before saying "so, you had the author shrink those things, huh. Well, big breasts do carry a heavy burden to them."

Chiyuri chuckles weakly, and says "heavy is right. Not just that, but everyone wants to squeeze you, and do things to you, and it's just too much. At least Willie and I came to an understanding."

"So, he'll stop picking so much on you?", asks the disappointed ship ghost.

The twin tailed girl shakes her head, and says "he's got another target, but he'll keep screwing around with me, but... well, he'll give me a break once in a while. Something about getting back at Miko and Mamizou."

The sudden image of a girl with round glasses and a huge tail appears in a flash before Minamitsu, who chuckles nervously, and says "wh-whoa... He's got a death wish, doesn't he. Must wish him good luck. Mamizou... She's not to be trifled with."

Chiyuri suddenly shivers, and asks "is she really that scary?"

Minamitsu looks over at the blonde, and a silver washtub falls on her head, knocking her out in an instant, and the captain wannabe just watches as the black-haired girl falls off the rock, and thuds hard on the ground.

She then looks up at the grey ship with the blue cockpit and waves while calling "thanks P*ppy! Oh, and you may drop Yumemi now."

The underbelly of the ship opens up like some sort of mouth, then the burned and bruised Yumemi with a head full of bumps falls hard to the ground with another satisfying thud right on top of Murasa.

Chiyuri waves at the rabbit on the spaceship and says "thanks! You were really good help!"

The rabbit man flies away, shouting out loud "DO A BARREL ROLL!", just before going off at light speed.

The blonde girl sighs with satisfaction while looking down on the two unconscious girls, then sighs "Willie can be so accommodating sometimes."

A giant, twenty feet tall black and purple blob monster appears from the right corner of the scene, roars menacingly, Chiyuri screeches, holds her chest, gets stiff, her eyes become two white ovals, she falls to the ground, and starts to foam at the mouth while shivering uncontrollably.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Human Village, the Suspicious Keine has just finished her suspicious cleanup of her suspicious store, and just as she suspiciously closes the lid on the trash bin, the sighs and looks up at the sky. ...Suspiciously!

She looks up at the sky, sighs after seeing Chiyuri's spirit flying to the cluds, then suspiciously says "yup, he got her good. She's gonna come by tomorrow and demand for something to kill the author again, I'm sure of it."

The little twin tailed spirit rushes back to the earth, then the captain wannabe screams out loud "**DAMN YOU WILLIEEEEEEEE! I SWEAR I'LL GET YOUR FOR THIIIIIIISSSSSS~!**"

Keine turns around, sighs ever so suspiciously, and says to herself "and so ends another chapter of insanity. I guess that after all those adventures, all that drama, and all those undead things, Willie needed to unload the insanity. Hmm, though I wonder, why would he use a K*yblade for this chapter? What's he up to?"

As she walks toward her suspicious school/store, she says to herself "maybe he's just being insane. Eh, whatever, it's nothing I need to concern myself with. Isn't that right, neko-Mokou-tan?"

The suspicious woman pulls Mokou from between her breasts, and the girl is now a very tiny kitty cat with light-lilac hair, and cat ears, is wearing tiny red overall pants, and she's thrashing around while complaining in a high-pitched tone of voice "what's the big idea? I almost suffocated in there!"

"Aww, don't be so sore. I KNOW you liked it in there. You were purring this whole time," casually comments the suspicious woman with a suspicious blush taking her cheeks so suspiciously.

The tiny kitty girl pouts while looking away, hiding her pink cheeks, and mutters "well, it was warm... and soft... and squishy... and yummy."

Keine scratches the little girl's head, making her moan contently and blush, and with a glint in her suspiciously suspicious eyes, she looks inside her school and says "now, we prepare for the NEXT chapter!"

From inside the shop, chibi-nekos Yumemi, Sanae, Damien and Ran all raise their hands, while Ran hums her "HUNHUNHUN!"

* * *

To be continued... suspiciously!

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Luna Rivers, the RKNS, Agava, Kimi, and Budou were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All references belong to their respective owners.

Somebody get that Yuyuko out of Mystia's stomach already.

And bring me my hot chocolate!

Ah, please ready the Makai girls. They are getting it soon too!

MAR 8 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**What can I say. There's a lot of insanity inside my mind, though I have to say, I feel I could have done more random, and yet I can't see how. I... have failed here. I must train harder! And just so you know, I wanted to do EVEN MORE, but I noticed I hit 43 pages, and though "Eh, I'll save it for next chapter." And to that I will hold. Expect the unexpected. Take care, and see you next time.**


	10. Chapter 10

It is another wonderful morning over the skies, where FIVE large ships keep flying around each other, doing nothing in particular... other than flying.

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Flandre, who wears an adorable pink, high-cut, long-sleeved leotard, with long white tights underneath, is currently polishing a cannon, when Mai approaches the little blonde.

The cute and sexy Makaian is still trying to cover herself by crossing her arms, and now is also crossing her bare legs while blushing and looking around.

"S-say, Flandre-chan?", begins the nervous girl. "Ha-have you seen Yumeko? She, er, said she was making something to help cover me a bit."

The adorably cute vampire stops polishing the cannon, raises her head, swiftly turns around to stare at the light-blue haired angel, and exclaims "WHAT? Someone as pretty and sexy as you wants to cover up? WHY? Covering such a sight would be a sin!"

The shy Mai twitches and scrunches up while her face turns a little redder, and bashfully says "but I don't like being so exposed."

Flandre gasps, walks closer to the girl, pats her shoulder twice, then says "there, there, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were the shy type. You don't look the type."

The Makaian looks at the vampire, relaxes a bit, earning a smile from the little blonde, who says "look, me and onee-sama WISH we could have a body a sexy as yours, so I guess I was just speaking on my behalf there. Didn't mean to scare you."

The angel-winged girl smiles, relaxes as she places her hand on the vampire's and sweetly whispers "F-Flan-chan."

She quickly takes notice of how slowly that little girl's smile becomes more and more sinisterly hungry, and after trying to call for the girl, she notices the vampire's grip got stronger.

Flandre chuckles, easily lifts the girl over her shoulder, and as she takes her prey toward the front of the deck, she says "having said that, you just turned me on, so you're going to take responsibility for this. Now then."

"W-WAIT! FLANDRE, WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE A PERVERT?"

Ignoring the shy girl's screams, the little vampire lifts a remote control, presses a button, a small shed appears in front of her, and she says "I'm almost five-hundred years old, and I've been depraved of a lover for a very long time. I. am. HUNGRY!"

The horror on Mai's face is undeniable, but try as she might, she can't even budge an inch free of that tiny girl's grip, so she resorts to one last, desperate attempt.

"F-F-F-Flan-chan, please reconsider! I-I don't want to be ruined for marriage! I WANT MY FUTURE!"

Flandre's sinister chuckle sends a chill down the Makaian's spine, that is interrupted by a hard pat on the butt, then, with her usual, sweet and innocent voice, the little vampire says "don't worry, I won't ruin your future. I'll just do some things, fondle and grope others, then I'll take what comes out so that I may have a body like yours."

That doesn't help the captured girl relax at all, and just as the door to freedom closes up behind her, she screams "NOOOOOOOOOOO~"

Mere seconds after the door closes, the little shed starts jumping around, while bopping, smacking, oofing, creaking, more smacking, fondling, groping, a ting, some french fries, a soda, and loud, excessive lewd sounds start to vibrate all over the glass-like ship.

"HIIIAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN~"

Poor Mai screams as though she's just been split in half with a blunt stick, and just like that, all the sounds stop.

The wind whooshes softly, a few fairies giggle as they fly under the ship, and somewhere out there, Nitori is watching you clean yourself, and taking notes of your hygienic behavior.

Flandre walks out of the room, shining every so brightly, while holding a vial with some oddly colored content, and while looking at said vial, she says "ah. Blood, sweat, juices, shame, drool, and some heated pants. Now all I have to do, is drink this, and I'll be a hot mama-"

Mai stumbles out of the shed with her clothes turned around, her hair a mess, and panting hard, yet she manages to say between pants "so *pant* many *pant* things lost! *Gulp* Are you *pant* sure *pant* I'm still pure?"

The happy vampire turns around with that innocent smile of hers, then: "Ah." She watches as the vial on her hand slips overboard, and a few seconds later, Remilia screeches as though she's been stabbed on the back by Mister Green on the deck with the kitchen knife.

That seemingly innocent vampire slowly turns her head toward the weakened ice witch, whose reaction; which is to shiver and cry like a desperate little girl; is totally understandable.

The insatiable lust in her face, those vicious glints in her eyes, that dribble coming out of her slurping mouth, and that sinisterly low chuckle, is more than enough to warn dear Mai that she should get the hell out of there, but locking eyes with the vampire has left her immobilized.

"Round two starts now," sinisterly hisses the vampire, before starting to giggle as she launches herself toward the shy charmed girl and locking that door again, resuming the sounds and screams we heard only a few seconds ago.

Down at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia opens her eyes, and finds her arms in front of herself to be a little too long.

She also feels an odd pressure around her chest, a heavy feeling as she pushes herself up, and then she sees it; a wonderfully perfect cleavage from a pair of round mounds of flesh trying to break free from her now-small shirt.

All her clothes no longer fit the grown-up body she currently inhabits, and quickly takes notice how the sun fails to harm the exposed skin on her belly, thighs, or arms.

Before long, with a rather bratty, yet elegant woman's voice, she demands "SAKUYAAAAAA~ I need new clothes, IMMEDIATELY!"

The sexy vampire turns around when she hears a thud coming from the door behind her, and quickly finds her chief maid sprawled on the floor with a small fountain of blood rising from her nose, a blissful smile taking her out-of-breath face, and a small spirit leaving the mouth, heading straight toward the nice boat at the Sanzu River.

"**SAKUYAAAAAAAAAAAAA~**" screams the concerned mistress after seeing her maid so close to death on the carpeted floor.

Meanwhile, on the ground, Marisa is drawing a picture of Alice's panties, using an unconscious Momiji, who is strapped to a articulate wooden dummy, as her model. (I seriously don't understand how that's working out for her. Seriously.)

She is looking good, so she better not complain.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei Shrine, Rika giggles sweetly as she places a round brown tray with her mistress' tea on it next to Reimu, and happily says "here you go, My Lady Reimu. A nice, warm, cup of tea for you.

The shrine maiden smiles and opens her mouth while raising her hand, then the maid replies "oh, no trouble it all. It was my pleasure!"

Said maiden doesn't notice the vile grin, or the vicious glint escaping that angelic maid's eyes as she picks up the empty tray from the ground.

Ah, what a lovely morning; Reimu sips; with the wind gently caressing her lovely face as she; sips again; sips from her tea mug again, and how it causes the leaves to sing their song to her while she; sips again; enjoys her quiet time.

And now her body starts feeling odd.

Her cheeks and ears turn tomato red, her body becomes a bit stiff as it gets hotter, a tickle and an itch slowly rises from her stomach and nether regions so that soon, her whole body is extremely sensitive to all, and soon after, she places the tea mug next to herself to prevent spilling.

With teary and confused eyes, she turns around and whimpers at the angelic maid, who is already sitting beside her mistress, and holding her tight against her own body.

Somehow, Reimu is unable to resist this, even though she feels she wants to push that maid away and run away to her room, and now her body is feeling those meat-mounds pressing against her back, and how the angelic girl's touch is becoming intoxicating.

Rika starts to chuckle sinisterly, which shortly becomes a mischievous giggle, and after pressing her Mistress tighter against her body, like some Venus Fly Trap, she whispers "I'm sorry, my lady, but you're just too cute."

She activates her Soraogan blood limit, envelops herself and her cute mistress with her wings, calming the red and white down, though she continues to pant, and says "look, this fan fiction is a non-canonical mess, so I thought it's a good idea to act a little out of character, and so I drugged your drink, so that I may enjoy your cuteness to the fullest, and I will do just that."

Inside the shrine, there is something shivering inside a rolled-up futon, and we conveniently see this while that maid says "don't you worry about a thing, My Lady. Tenshi is also drugged, and just about ready for me. Ahh~ I'll take my two, most favorite girls for myself today! A shame Suzaku didn't want any part of it."

Suddenly, a shady figure falls from the sky, and lands five feet before the Living Quarter's open door, where Rika is enamoring her mistress, then a sword rings as its unsheathed, and the figure says "STOP RIGHT THERE!"

The new girl has short, thick brown hair she adorns with a green leaf on top, a pair of raccoon ears, a thick raccoon tail that's as long as she is tall, and she's wearing a pair of round glasses, a sleeveless purple vest that does nothing to hide her round, voluptuous breasts or her cute bellybutton, a pair of brown pants, and matching brown, calf-high boots, and a yellow belt with pouches and her sword's sheath.

Also, on her shoulder perches the red Vermilion Bird Suzaku, who opens her deep-red wings to reveal a few white linings under her feathers, and tweets a threatening tune.

Rika sweats when she sees her familiar with the new girl, and nervously says "erm, what are you doing here? Um, I don't mean to be rude, but there's something very good going on here, so could you please leave? Like, right now?"

The girl roars and says "my name is Mamizou Futatsuiwa, and I come here for your balls! GIVE ME ALL YOUR- ...ARGH! To HELL with this!"

The tanuki smashes her sword on the ground with all her might, making an imprint of it on the dirt, looks at Suzaku, and says "I'm not doing it, goddammit! I'm a GIRL! A REAL GIRL! I don't have those things, and I REFUSE to keep going along with that stupid rumor!"

"_Hey, I told you to stop Rika-sama from doing out-of-character things, not come asking for balls!_" quickly exclaims the telepath bird, forgetting she's currently tuned so that everyone hears what she says.

"I KNOW," stresses out the raccoon girl through gritted teeth. "But this stupid, fat, bloated author is making me say stupid things out of his own, damned selfish need for amusement!"

She points toward nowhere in particular, and demands "you hear me, Willie! I'm not like that whiny Chiyuri! I HAVE BOOBS, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM!"

The red bird flies away, thinking "_no way I'm getting into that. I'm saving mama Reimu myself._"

Suddenly, a waterfall falls on Mamizou, and stays concentrated where she was standing.

She screams as loudly as she can, only getting some gurgles out of the water, when suddenly the water starts to gradually arch back, and back, then it sneezes the tanuki youkai straight toward the Human village, where she crashes at a suspicious school, causing an explosion of popcorn and lemmings that just run away, before it's too late for the SDM's Ball.

Back at the shrine, a childish woman calls "JUMY~ Oh, I've been looking for you forever!"

Flandre is still in her leotard, all grown up, with an amazing set of breasts that barely fit her outfit, and even though even her belly button is well marked there, that's about all we get to see, and even though that bare-legged leotard is so tight, she seems quite comfortable in it.

She hugs the water dog's large face, making him shrink while blushing, then carries him, making him howl quite happily as she presses him against her belly, then she looks to the shrine and says "thanks for the synthesis thingie you did to my new clothes, Rika-chan~! I'll be going now~!"

With that, the sexily adorable blonde vampire that now mysteriously holds a brown sack with clothes, takes off to the sky, while Rika is being flapped away from the heated Reimu by Suzaku, who says "_no, I don't care if that barbaric method will cure her, I won't let you break your character like that!_"

"But she's so cute~," complains the maid.

Before long, the red and white karate-chops the bird, throws her away, and before the angelic maid can react, the shrine maiden jumps on her, and we can see the maid's clothes being thrown to the air, while said girl screams "no~ This was supposed to be the other way around! Please help me, Tenshi!"

The futon with Tenshi's boots unrolls to reveal a picture of the celestial, waving happily toward the camera.

Chibi-neko Ran grabs the picture, stares at it, places her hand on her cheek, then sighs and softly hums "hun, hun, hun~" while nodding thrice and softly.

* * *

Later that morning, above the Human Village, the S.S. In Your Face Murasa is running away from the Palanquin, and in their run, they are exchanging cannon blasts, and sending plenty of debris down on the humans.

"**GET THOSE GODS DAMNED SHIPS OUT OF HERE, OR I'M IMPOUNDING THEM!**" shouts Kotohime through a Nitori-brand loudspeaker.

From Kyo's blue-roofed house, a blur flies straight toward the Palanquin, which is just a mere inch from finally leaving the village's premises.

From the S.S. In Your Face Murasa (damn that mouthful), Maribel looks back at the large ship, and shouts "they're still after us, Captain! What do we do?"

From the Palanquin, surprisingly enough, it is Byakuren who shouts "**give us the cereal, or prepare to be boarded!**"

From the distance, chibi-neko Ran can be heard humming "HUN-HUN-HUN", while Inubashiri is tanning her, back over at the Moriya Shrine.

Anyways, back at the captain wannabe's ship, said blonde grips her twin tails and shouts "GROAR! They're after my Lucky Charms! HIT THEM HARD!"

The rear cannons on Chiyuri's ship double their firing rate, while the front cannons on Murasa's ship take some of those cannonballs and shoot them back, while the rest just make holes on the nice, polished woodwork.

While the cannon fire continues, the daring blonde in twin tails lifts her box of cereal to the air, and declares "you'll never get your hands on MY part of this balanced breakfast!"

A blur swoops down, catches the cereal box, then the chase, the cannons, AND the music stop playing, while the scene slowly moves to the high mast on the bamboo ship, where the blur reveals herself.

"Tremble in fear, for I have come to own thee, losers!"

The girly voice comes from none-other than Medicine Melancholy, who has blonde hair, blue eyes, and wears a cool red bandana over her forehead, an open, dark-red vest with golden shoulder-guards and lose golden ropes on the chest that are supposed to hold it shut, a purple shirt underneath with a dark-red cross sewn on the chest, baggy black pants, black slippers, and holding her pants is a black waist and shoulder belt that holds two guns, two swords, and a tengu mask.

She unsheathes her rusty sword, points it at the deck, and shouts "all your ships belong to ME, Purple Mist, the Pirate Terror!"

Washtubs rain from all over the sky, knocking out everyone with a loud clang; everyone except Medicine, and-, er, I mean, Purple Mist, and Agava, who somehow missed hers after the tennis ball rolled down the deck.

Even all the way at the Palanquin, clangs and klungs can be heard along complaints, as the washtubs knock one girl after another, leaving all five ships littered with limp bodies and dizzy, moaning, defenseless girls.

Chiyuri is the first on her ship to stand up, and with a raised first of rage, she shouts "WHAT THE HELL, WILLIE! I thought we had a truce!"

"Nu-hu-hu-hu~" laughs the blonde poisonous pirate, getting everyone's attention. "This isn't about you, whiny blonde with the nice ass and the average boobs. It's about how _I_ own that fat, hairy ape!"

"What 'chu talkin' about, girl?", asks the captain wannabe.

Medi... er, Purple snaps her fingers, and out from under her vest comes Su-San, wearing the exact same outfit as Medicine, only her vest is purple, and her shirt is dark-red with a purple cross on the chest, and she's carrying a tiny black stick with rounded edges, with one of the edges latched to a long grey lace that is meant to be used as a necklace.

Purple Mist grabs the stick, shows it off, and says "I HAVE THE REAL POWERRRRRRR! This... is Willie G.R.'s USB, and in here he has a lot of stuff, including his fictions. As long as I have this, he does what I say, and WHEN I say."

Yumemi's eyes glint at the sight of my USB, and exclaims "OOOOOHHHH! Chiyuri, if we had that, WE would be the ones in charge around here!"

Ail falls on Yumemi, knocking her out at once, and scratching the back of his head while sitting up straight on top of the redhead, he looks around in confusion, and asks "and where the heck am I now? Seriously, I thought Eirin said there would be no side-effects!"

Chiyuri snarls, points at the offending girl, and shouts "take her out, and get me that US of B thing she has, you scallywags!"

The S.S. In Your Face Murasa cracks, shatters to pieces, and everyone on it, except Agava or the mast, fall to the ground, where hungry sharks are waiting for them.

Ignoring the yelps of pain from the girls, the vicious snarls of the sharks, the screeching of the poor girls, or the incessant splashing of water, the shadow youkai sighs and floats away, while saying "eh, I'm taking a nap."

Purple Mist laugh manically as that mast remains floating as if the ship was still there, then declares "and now, to read what he's written about me in that stupid corssover nobody cares about!" (She's lying through her teeth, I swear!)

Mima's gigantic, translucent face appears in front of the sun, smiling ever so soothingly and motherly at the ground, then turns forward to stare at nothing in particular, and says "let's move on to the next scene, shall we?"

With a flick of her wrist, the scene's division appears.

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark's living room, Remilia is currently chewing off Flandre for making her all grown up, but, of course, the blonde isn't really paying any attention to her older sister, and is giving Koakuma, who's behind Patchouli, who's behind Remilia, who's behind Jumy, who's on the floor, a very lustful and dirty look.

The little demon knows that look, and wishes she could respond, but she's not sure if it's safe for her to do so for various reasons, one of them being the fact that Meiling hasn't been the same since she was eaten by said blonde, and that's when that girl was a little girl.

Now, with all that plot crap and scenery plastering out of the way, let's move on.

"And another thing, young lady," sternly says the sexy vampire in a very elegant white dress with a wide opening at the chest that shows of her cleavage, a blood-red band around the waist that accents the shape of her womanly figure, and probably NOT wearing any underwear beneath it.

"...Because of what you did, Sakuya lost a lot of blood. A LOT OF IT! I had to call in that doctor who wanted ME to pay with MY BODY! Do you realize the severity of the crimes you have committed against the crown?"

"Pst... Remi," whispers the hooded magician.

"WHAT?" barks the angry gir... woman.

"There's no actual crime here, just a rape, and a near death. Besides, you don't wear a crown," whispers the smartass in a robe, keeping her face as flatly unfriendly as ever.

Remilia's face does a terribly terrifying 190-degree turn to glare at her friend, and with a smile on, she sinisterly whispers "I got the biggest boobs here, so what I say, goes without question."

Patchouli has become a miniature figure of herself, which shivers as it whimpers "mukyuuuuun~", and is carried away by chibi-neko Miko.

Ignoring this, the elder Scarlet turns to face her sister, only to notice that lusty look on her face, sweats, and says "crap, she's in heat. **RUUUUUUN!**"

The bouncing vampire takes off before the sexy devil, who cries and shouts as she runs "no, don't leave me alone! She'll come after MEEEE!"

Flandre just watches them run, licks her index finger, slowly slides it down her neck until she reaches her chest, then whispers "it's **** hunting season."

Just as the blonde takes off into the darkness after her older sister and the little devil, Suwako, who wears her regular hat, and a tight black suit that seems to ride up her butt, walks toward the door and presses herself against the wall.

There, her suit takes the very same color as the wall as she presses two spots under her ear, and says "BaBarian, I am in."

The scene becomes dark, a full-colored image of Kanako appears in a small screen above Suwako's smaller screen, along with the numbers 34.34, above her, a vein pulsates on the wind goddess' forehead, and she angrily grumbles "watch it fly sucker, or I'm kicking your upridden ass all over the mountain."

Ayalina dive-kicks Kanako right out of the chair, sits in her stead, and smiles while looking at the numbers and saying "BABA. How clever you are, you little-"

Ail's mother has long brown hair she makes into a ponytail, deceivingly cute maroon eyes, and is currently wearing her plaid green dress with the apron over it, and is lifting her sexy leg over her dress for us so we can see she's wearing black slippers.

She clears her throat, then says "right, on with the show. Froggy, your mission is simple, and I don't want to hear any buts about it, or I'm keeping the other half of the payment, understood? Now, Ail needs more experiences with women-"

"Hey, my Sanae is woman enough for him, AND MORE!" furiously whispers the blonde goddess.

The woman raises her hands defensively, and quickly says "I know, I know, but he's such a saint! It's so **boring!** He needs to experience other women, and those vampires are HOT! I mean, did you see those things jiggle on Remilia? I mean, COME ON! It's matching Sanae's bounce, so it will make things easier!"

Kero-chan's and her hat's eyes become flat as she looks up at the image of the woman with great disbelief, and flatly says "you are a sick woman, you know that. And why that blue-haired brat? Her sister's in heat. She'd rape him before he can use his gaps to escape. She's perfect!"

Ayalina smiles, lifts a brown bag filled with sweets and green faith stars, and says "I guess I'll be taking these and keeping them for myself after all."

"Ahh, ahh, no, I'm sorry! I'll do it."

"Look, just get Remilia. I know what I'm doing. Besides, Ail sees Flandre as a little sister. He'll never touch her."

"Fine. I'll catch her easily, now that there's some sort of uproar going on around here."

With that, Suwako turns off her communications, and proceeds to sneak further into the mansion-like ark.

She stops and hides behind the large sofa when Renko and Maribel enter the room, the blonde one whispering "I don't get it. If Miss Z*lda is in danger, shouldn't we get L*nk to help?"

The brown-haired girl covers her friend's mouth, and whispers "it's Luna and Kyo! Jeez Mary, do you want to get a lawsuit on the author?"

As they walk away, the blonde sticks out her tongue and says "sorry. It's just that I got this Tri-Pyramid, and got thinking about them instead."

Kero-chan clicks her tongue, and slyly whispers "you'll never catch ME referencing those videogames."

Her froggy nose grew seven feet longer that day, but regardless of that, she continues her mission. (OH SWEET IRONIC HYPOCRISY, thy name is karma.)

That's when Medicine walks through the floor, as though going up some stairs, looks around, and says "nah, I don't want this one. On with the next."

With that, she reaches for mid-air, grips nothing, turns nothingness, a door to the Palanquin's deck opens up, and she walks into it, breaking the laws of physics, and not getting punished for it, because if she does, there goes my USB.

Suwako looks at nowhere in particular, and says "grow some balls, will you, Willie?"

Mamizou appears before the frog-girl, claps her hands together as if praying, bows to the girl, then twirls in place, smacking the girl with her tail and knocking her out on the floor in one hit.

With that, the tanuki dusts her hands and walks away, chuckling "that plumber's got nothing on me."

* * *

Over at Heaven, Tenshi is looking tense as she stares away from the city, and under her breath, she manages to mutter "grumble-grumble Reimu... Rika wants her. Not me. ...Want Rika for myself."

Iku approaches the Eldest Daughter, and having read the mood, she calmly says "why don't you just go and have a look."

The celestial gasps with delight at the suggestion, quickly lifts her sword, places it so the hand guard is even with her eyes, then loudly declares "Sword of Hisou! Give me sight beyond sight!"

She stands still with the sword close to her face, staring at nothing for a whole minute, when Iku grumbles angrily and strikes the celestial behind the head with her fist.

The blue-haired cutie coughs up a banana, after the shock from the impact, turns around, and curiously demands "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

When the girl realizes what had just happened, her gaze slowly turns down to that banana she just coughed up.

The oarfish joins the celestial and the silent stare, and asks "um, what is that?"

Tenshi shrugs while shaking her head in confusion, bends her knees to pick up the mysterious tropical fruit, and after standing up and presenting it to Iku, she holds it upright and pinches the top.

"Ca-careful, Miss Tenshi! It could be dangerous!", warns the dragon messenger as she hides behind the celestial, peeking her cute and cautious face over said girl's shoulder.

The celestial looks over her shoulder, and angrily says "aw, pipe down. It's just a fruit."

She looks at the yellow fruit with interest, and asks "but still, how the heck did I spit this out?"

She pinches the fruit's skin tighter and pulls it open without hesitation, revealing nothing inside.

"Well that was anti-climactic. What a serious let down."

After the blue-haired one's complaint, a large watermelon grows from the banana's seed, and falls down on the soft clouds that make the surprisingly solid ground.

Both Tenshi and Iku had flinched after the event, and are currently frozen in a pathetically frightened pose, but when nothing else happens, the blue-haired girl anxiously asks "what just happen now?"

The girls relax, and the brave celestial leans closer to the watermelon, pokes it lightly with her sword, and says "what's with the fruits? Seriously."

The large melon bursts, and Suika jumps from within, cheering "NO BOOBS AHEAD!"

Tenshi punches the oni hard on the head, and furiously grumbles "that joke doesn't work in English!"

Suika, who remains standing as if there's nobody punching her, looks up at the cute celestial, and asks "what's English?"

Medicine crash-lands in front of the three girls, yet is straight on her feet and completely unharmed, raises her hands above her head and cheers "TA-DA~", and a washtub falls above her, stops before touching her, floats over to Tenshi, and smashes her HARD before she even has the time to blink.

Iku looks at the poisonous girl, looks around at the sky, gasps, then runs away while shouting "RUN, RUN AWAY, FOR SANITY'S SAKE!"

Suika, who seems delighted as she pokes the unconscious celestial, looks toward the messenger of the dragons, and asks "what's her deal?"

Medicine snaps her fingers, then the chibi-nekos Ran, Yumemi, Miko and Damien, jog right behind the blonde, all grab one specific spot on the clouds, pull with all their might, and like a flushing toilet, the entire scene is swirled into the center of the new hole, even though Miss Purple Mist is completely unaffected.

The nekos and Suika (not the unconscious Tenshi) scream as they are sucked into the hole, and as soon as the scene is totally drained, the poisonous girl snaps her finger again, and says "oh yeah, so awesome. I ALWAYS wanted to try something like that."

With that, she jumps over the separation line toward the next scene.

* * *

Meanwhile, Suwako has reached the locked door to Remilia's room, but like I said, it's (un?) locked, and she obviously doesn't have the key.

She lets out a frustrated snort, walks a few steps into a dark corner, kneels under a cardboard box, then places her fingers on a spot under her ear.

"Sexy-Mama. I have reached the target's room, but I'm not sure if she's even in there. Worst, it's locked. I can't get in."

Ayalina appears once more on the screen above Kero-chan, looks a little disappointed, and says "really? Well, don't go wasting time unnecessarily, froggy. Use the Ero-Eye and see if she's in there."

The girl twitches after realizing her own stupidity, crawls while under that box to the front of the door, pulls one of her hat's eyes off and places it in front of her right eye, then twirls it around, as though adjusting it.

Now she is seeing Remilia's adult silhouette pacing around the room, and apparently rubbing her belly while turning around and trying to look at her butt, apparently.

Along with the vampire are some numbers, stats, a commercial about airplanes, and the suggested purchase of some questionable reading material.

"Affirmative," whispers the blonde. "She's in her room, pacing around, jiggling her bobs, and checking her own ass. I have to admit, she. is. hot."

Ayalina links her fingers under her chin while giving Suwako a very lusty grin, and says "who knew Froggy was such a pervert. Anyways, since she IS in there, you now have to find a way inside. My son's manhood is at stake. There can be no mistakes on this mission!"

Suwako sighs, then says "fine, I'll get your bloody key, get that sexy vampire, and take her home so I can have some sweetened faith!"

With that, the communication is cut off, she places the Ero-Eye back on her hat, then stands up, throws her box away, and whispers "time to get to work."

Medicine appears in front of the blonde goddess, smiles, then grabs the paragraph and pulls it down, reads until the finds what she's looking for, changes the word "locked" to "unlocked", then releases the paragraph so that the scene stretches it back to its original place.

She looks at Suwako, bows her head, winks, then says "just messing with Willie's plot," then casually walks away, disappearing into the darkness.

Froggy is not sure of what just happened, and scratches the back of her head while thinking, but the door is unlocked, so she just shrugs it off and reaches for the knob.

Inside the room, Ayalina has Remilia already gagged, tied up around her waist and ready for delivery, and after noticing the goddess in there, she smiles and says "ah, Froggy. You took too long, so I came in to assist you. Guess there was no need for you after all."

Ignoring the flipped finger and death glare from Moriya's glowing red eyes, the hot young-looking mother takes a piece of paper out of her pocket, giggles, and says "oh yeah, the bikini. Froggy, I do need you after all. First, close the door, then help me change her into THIS!"

"PAH! You'll never get away with this!", exclaims the adult Remilia after freeing herself from the gag, shaking her jiggly chest while doing so.

As the door closes up, the maroon-eyed woman reveals a small white bikini with a triangle-shaped top, a triangle-shaped bottom, and very little coverage.

The vampire's face of utter fright is the last thing in this scene before that door completely closes up and we are forced out due to magical author powers.

After the mandatory mess inside the room, the grunts, screams and moans (what?), we're back inside the room, where the adult Remilia Scarlet is tied by the wrists and ankles, and has been forced to wear that small and tight white bikini that fits her _oh so damn well_!

Suwako's panting hard and blushing while staring at the vampire, then whispers "I gotta try doing that to Sanae."

After analyzing something, the lusty goddess normalizes herself, then asks "hey, Sexy-Mama? How did you get in here?"

Ayalina coos playfully, points a black remote toward the ceiling, presses the button to open up the secret exit outside, and playfully says "I found the sneaky way in."

"I'm going to KILL YOU BOTH!" threatens the bound vampire, not really scaring either of the girls.

With that, they take off, the sexy mother holding the sexy, bound vampire princess style, off toward the Moriya Shrine, while said vampire woman screams and shouts in hopes that somebody will help her, but nobody ever comes.

Ail's mother looks curiously at Remilia, then says "that's odd. Your skin isn't shining like diamonds under the sun. What gives?"

Annoyed, the blue-haired woman clicks her tongue, and says "what kind of a wuss of a vampire are you talking about? We burn under the sun, not shine! Jeez!" (Ha~ I did that. Yes I did.)

"**Ohhh**" exclaim the abductors in unison.

Over at the Suspicious Keine's Suspicious School, Budou is thinking hard while trying to solve a history riddle.

The suspicious woman looks at nowhere in particular, smiles vilely, and says "it's not over yet."

Chibi-neko Ran peeks her head in front of the suspiciously Suspicious Keine, suspiciously, and nods thrice while humming "HUNHUNHUN!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei Shrine, Rika has locked herself inside her room, and is currently working in darkness, giggling while talking about how cute her mistress is.

She tops hammering, yammering and tinkering, lifts something from the ground, giggles with glee, and says "synthesis complete. These materials I bought form that suspicious shop owner are top grade. They are PERFECT! My lady will love them, I just know it!"

The girl in shadows stares at the dual-pointed item with suspicion, then whispers to herself "hmm, suspicious. That woman had all the materials I needed, and so cheap too, and of such high quality. This is too suspicious... But now is NOT the time for that! I must not ignore my lady's love!"

Outside the maid's room are Hatate, Tenshi, Kogasa, Youmu, Marisa, Shinki, Yumeko, Luize, Suzaku, and of course, Reimu.

They are currently enjoying the lunch Rika had made earlier, while the vermilion bird is keeping a watchful eye on everyone, to assist them in her master's stead, while the angelic maid is _freshening up_. (Yeah right)

The sweet angel girl walks to the living room, stands under the doorway to the rooms corridor, clears her throat, then hesitantly asks "um... my lady? D-do these suit me?"

All the guests in the room stop eating and talking in order to stare at the sight before them.

There stands Rika Onkamikami, wearing her kimono-like outfit that just makes her so curvaceously adorable, those deathly cute wings that make her desirably huggable, and now, on her ears, she wears a tiny replica of her own wings, which happen to be adding more charm to her bashful blush as she turns her head slightly to the left.

The girls in the room stare silently, and even Yumeko is left speechless of the sight before them, but then, disaster strikes.

Rika's shyness gets the best of her, and after noticing all those eyes on her, she twitches and lets out a frightened sigh, rapidly flaps both back, and ear wings, and softly asks "wh-what? N-no good?", while still looking bashfully to the left.

There are several thuds, a squawk, more thuds, and when Rika looks forward, she screams with fright, making both set of wings spread with tension.

All the girls and the bird lie on the ground on pools of blood that run down their noses through their blissful faces, yet somehow, after such blow, the sexy blonde Makaian maid in her tight leotard remains on her hands and knees.

Yumeko grunts and moans as though in great pain while her nose keeps dripping a lot of blood, and while Rika screams and asks what happened, she grunts to herself "hold it together Yumeko! You are strong! You can survive this!"

The angelic maid goes to her blonde Makaian sister, holds her by the shoulders, making her look up, and with that frightened and concerned face, the sweet angel exclaims "onee-chan, please help me! Mom and Miss Reimu are out cold! **WITH SMILES!**"

Looking upon this face, Yumeko whispers "onee-chan?", and her consciousness slowly slips into the world of blissful beauty, where many Shinkis of many sizes and ages, are running around a field of pastel-colored flowers, and where one of them is currently hugging Rika tight while rubbing her head and cooing motherly.

Before long, that sweet Rika looks at her sister, and sweetly says "I love my onee-chan too."

Yumeko's entire body stiffens, she seems to choke on herself, she falls on her own pool of blood, and with a happy smile on her face, she repeats "onee-chan will hug you. Onee-chan is here for you."

After the blonde maid's demise, Rika, who currently holds her happy mistress' body princess style, looks around, flaps her four wings, hyperventilates, and screams "WHAT'S GOING ON?"

Outside the shrine, Aya flies by, looks at the bloody mess, notices Rika in distress, then chokes and falls after her nose bursts with blood.

Short after, Nue flies by, and dies, then Mima flies by, squeals in delight, and dies (somehow), then Koishi flies by, giggles goofily, then dies after crashing her face on a tree.

Rika has had enough, so she skillfully pulls her ahoge off, her wings become black, then she exclaims "forget this! I have to save My Lady!"

Eientei explodes, and while Eirin is flying off to the distance, Medicine is walking out of the fire, completely unscathed, and holding a bag full of Moonstones and Kaguya's rare items, humming contently, while from the distance, the Hakurei maid screams "**WHYYYYYYYYYY! ?**"

* * *

Back at the ridiculously named ark, the "starving" Flandre has cornered Koakuma and Patchouli inside their own small library replica, and now, both the vampire and the little devil are facing off.

"So~ You think you got what it takes to seduce **_this_** little devil?"

The sexy adult Flandre traces the tip of her tongue over her upper lip, grins, and says "I'm going to enjoy your body to the very last detail."

Koakuma slurps as she mimics the tongue-tracing, both girls' eyes glow with intensity as they stare at each other, then the vampire suddenly vanishes, and reappears wearing a simple kimono with the top lose and slightly open, and lounging on the floor while tracing her finger over her hips.

The little devil's eyes bulge a bit, then she disappears, and quickly reappears in an indecently translucent white swimsuit, and is arching her back and flapping both head and back wings while Jumy grabs her swimsuit from the butt, and pulls hard, revealing that devil's perfect assets.

The blonde vampire blushes, clicks her tongue in annoyance, vanishes, then reappears with a kitchen stove in front of herself, and wearing a pink apron over her front, and absolutely nothing else, though the ribbon on her back is censoring the more glorious features behind.

The redhead's cheeks turn pink as she gasps, especially when she notices how, from the sides, those ample, bouncy pearls on the vampire seem to slip dangerously lose.

Koakuma growls inward, disappears, and reappears on an all-around weight lifting machine (Suspicious Keine brand), wearing her tightest, reddest, metallic-like, armless and legless lycra leotard, and is now doing leg exercises.

She lifts that leg as high as she can, while we look at Patchouli, who is staring flatly at the whole situation from behind, and taking notes.

Flandre starts to sweat and pant at the sight, but shakes her head and softly growls "not done yet," and disappears.

She reappears in a small, black bikini, lying on her back on a beach towel, where some artificial light shines down on her.

She stretches up and moans contently, making her top squeeze her glorious mounds and almost break in half, then suddenly turns on her belly and seductively whispers "oh, I can't reach my back. Could you put some sun block on me, sweetie?"

She gasps and exclaims "oh my!", when her top suddenly breaks off, and Jumy comes and takes them away in his mouth.

A bit of blood trickles down Koakuma's nose, who seems to be breathing some puffs of steam out of her mouth while her face turns red, and her eyes seem to lose focus.

She punches herself on the head, disappears, then reappears in a maid's outfit that's missing half of its already mini-skirt, and the shirt under the apron.

She mimics dusting some books on the top shelves, making her bouncy chest attempt the escape of their white prison, lifts her left leg up, as if trying to reach higher, to reveal her garter belt and black, frontless and backless panties, and seductively whispers "it'd be so embarrassing if the Master were to see me like this."

Flandre's eyes lose their focus, her face turns red, steam puffs out of her panting mouth and ears, yet she somehow disappears again.

She reappears wearing a tight dress with a mini skirt that barely covers her pink-striped panties, thigh-high black and white striped socks, red shoes with high heels, and a cute little headdress.

The little devil gasps, shakes, a mushroom cloud explodes on her head, yet she holds her ground, stares back at the vampire, feeling weak, heavy and hot, and says "you *pant* are good."

She suddenly disappears again, and reappears wearing a violet, indecently translucent baby doll (sleep dress), standing on her knees while licking the back of her hand and looking at the blonde vampire.

The blonde woman slumps while panting, slurps as she cleans the drool off her mouth with her arm, and asks "one more?"

The girls vanish, then quickly reappear with different outfits.

Koakuma is wearing a tight brown fairy dress with an almost non-existent skirt, barely-existent chest cover, and a single spaghetti strap over her right shoulder, and Flandre is wearing her pink leotard again, only this time, she pushing her breasts out of the cleavage cutout with her crossed hands.

Both girls pant hard and steam puffs out of them as they look at each other, then the little devil says "dammit. We're still even."

"We can't both be on top, for Vlad's sake!", spits the heated vampire.

That's when both girls' eyes widen, then their gaze suddenly turns to the background, where Patchouli stands with her unfriendly eyes under a blue shadow, and where Mai suddenly appears to the magician's right, casually saying "that's why I want the robe. Too bad she's with mom at the... eh? Yuki?"

Knowledge suddenly raises five crystals, each of different colors, erects a powerful, multi elemental barrier, and declares "you are not touching either of us, you understand? We are NOT part of your lewd games!"

The winged Makaian's eyes turn white, round, teary, and with confusion on her face, she looks all around and cries "where the hell am I?"

And that's when she notices the faces of Koakuma, and particularly Flandre's, as they walks closer to them (the prey) with those vile lustful grins on their faces, shivers, and says "no, not again! I'm not READY FOR THIS AGAIN!"

"Don't worry," begins Patchouli. "They'll never get past my barrier."

Medicine enters through the left of the scene, stands in front of Patchouli, rips her robe off, leaving her in purple bras and panties, snaps her finger at Mai, braking the magical barrier, then says "now get with the action."

With that, she walks away to the right, leaving two defenseless girls at the mercy of two lustful demons whom are hot, and hungry for fresh meat.

Both Mai and Patchouli hold each other tight, trembling under the looming shadows of Flandre and Koakuma, but that's until they gaze into those two pairs of red eyes, and just like that, their fear becomes a blissful, warm and fuzzy feeling, along with an itch and a tickle over their heated bodies.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Youkai Forest, the green-clad Kyo, and the blue-clad Luna in a dress, are swinging swords and shooting beams, killing giant octopuses that spit rocks, blue and red goblins with spears, and Damien, who's already down on the ground, and is being lifted up and thrown like some sort of object.

It's not so bad. Any enemy killed with his body drops twenty rupees, and a pot of honey.

* * *

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Ail and Sanae travel as guests of the Makaians, a favor from Shinki herself, and are currently lounging on the deck of the simple, yet demonic glass ship.

He is currently wearing his purple swim trunks, and she is wearing her metallic-rose colored one-piece swimsuit with a diamond-shaped opening at the chest and open around the hips.

She sighs contently, reaches for her man's hand, grips it gently, and says "this is so relaxing. Now I'm glad you're friends with these girls."

The dense one chuckles playfully, then says "please remember, Sanae is the only girl for me."

This adorably cheesy one-liner earns him one loving girlfriend on top of himself, and leaning closer for a kiss... that never happens.

When the expected kiss takes too long to happen, Ail opens his eyes and asks "what's the matt... er?"

Ayalina is currently pushing Sanae's head away from her son with her index finger pointed at the forehead, and smiles as she says "sorry, but before that, my boy needs to level up to seventy."

The green-haired girl tries to force herself against the mad woman for that kiss, while the golden-eyed boy asks "mom, what the heck are you talking about?"

Yuki appears next to the boy, and says "this AWESOME lady wants you to be with another woman to raise your man points, so that you and your girlfriend can have a more 'passionate' relationship."

Ayalina holds Sanae by the neck, while she tosses a treat at the fire witch in a leotard, who has dog ears and a wagging tail, and still manages to look cute AND sexy.

Ail frees the shrine maiden from his mother's grip with a pair of giant pliers, rubs her back while hugging her; apparently this is helping her breathe again; and angrily says "could you please stop that, mom! Stop trying to make me cheat on Sanae. It's getting annoying."

Now it's the boy's turn to suffer from suffocation when his own girlfriend returns his embrace with a rib-cracking hug, while cooing contently and rubbing her face against his head.

The hot young mother and the crazy fire witch stare at the scene, moan simultaneously in delight, then Ayalina casually walks next to her son, quickly chops his neck, then grabs his limp body as soon as it falls.

"Aright then Sanae-chan. I'll be taking him now. You be patient and keep yourself heated up while I help him level up."

The shrine maiden pulls her gohei from between her semi-exposed breasts' cleavage, and bravely declares "you're not taking him ANYWHERE! Now let him go before I exterminate you, youkai!"

The young-looking mother sighs irritably while the green-haired girl in pink swimwear rushes toward her for the kill, pulls a square piece of paper from the pocket on her apron, then tosses it toward the offending girl.

Sanae stops her assault immediately after noticing it's a picture of Ail in his underwear, falling on his butt after slipping on a soap bar in the bath room, then jumps and grabs it in mid-air.

She now has a dog tail and ears, and is wagging that tail while rubbing her face against that photo, until she notices she's being photographed by a snickering Yuki, and that Ail's mother has taken off with the prized boy on her shoulders.

"GRARGH! I've been TRICKED!", shouts the girl while waving her hands in the air.

A wave of water falls from the sky, lands on the ship, and Shanghai is in her adorably cute swimsuit while riding that wave, which runs over Sanae and Yuki, and takes them both over the rails.

A scene-skip later, still on the ship, Yuki claps while Sanae lifts herself from her knees, wearing a golden power suit with wide shoulders, and a red chest with a tiny green "S" on the right side.

As she looks around, she thinks "_she took my Ail-kun just as we were about to kiss, just so that he can go to another woman. This is unforgivable._"

A red helmet with tubes on the sides of the mouth and a green visor appears on her head like magic, and after giving a thumbs up to the happy-go-lucky Makaian, she thinks "_I will not be able to rest until my Ail-kun is back with me. And so, I set off to rescue him... alone._"

Yuki claps again and says "whoa, cool monologue! Anyways, good luck and all that."

V*r*a Suit Sanae flips a thumb up at the fire witch a second time, walks over to the portside (left) of the ship, looks up to the sky, and summersaults over the rails.

And that's when she realizes one very important thing... The suit is very, very heavy, and she cannot fly with it, and so she plummets to the ground below, where uncomfortable things wait to happen after her fall.

The blonde girl in leotard walks over to the rails, sniffling and sobbing happily, and says "what a silly human. But she's so full of life. I hope Yumeko makes some pudding *sniffle*"

* * *

Back at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Flandre walks out to the deck, carrying Mai over her shoulder, while Koakuma carries Patchouli princess style, and keeps rocking her around gently, while cooing softly.

Both girls are covered in blankets, seeing as their clothes are still drying, and both have this terribly ill look on their face that seems to settle down a bit after they start breathing fresh air.

"Wow, what light weights," comments the blonde vampire in an elegant red dress, while gently placing her girl on a lawn chair under an inexplicable shade.

"Yeah. We ended up on each other after all," casually comments the little devil in her usual suit dress, while she places the moaning magician on the lawn chair besides the Makaian.

The two perverted girls look at each other after that, giggle, then the little devil seductively asks "how about we go find Meiling next?"

Kimi summersaults from the side of the ship, reaching high above the sky, where Mamizou joins her in the twirling jump, and just when Flandre and Koakuma try to move, the shadow dragon falls and smashes the blonde's head with a Luize sword, while the tanuki smashes the redhead's head with her own tail.

After the inevitable stars start spinning before the struck girls, the blonde Makaian in her cute leotard stumbles all the way to the starboard (right) side of the ship, mumbles something about Shinki's panties being sweet, then falls over the rails and plops into the giant green jello mold Unzan is conveniently carrying over the inexplicable, angry little Nues with shark teeth.

On the ark, Mamizou has Kyouko on her shoulder, and glowers at the two moaning perverts as she angrily says "you should be ASHAMED of yourselves! Setting such a bad example to these young girls!"

Kimi steps forward, grabs the adult Flandre by the back of her head, lifts her up, Orange pops her head from the shadow dragon's back, then said dragon says "for shame! Out little sisters' fragile minds may be scarred forever, thanks to you two perverts, and that damned, fanservice-sick author!"

The yamabiko jumps off the tanuki's shoulder, and casually says "it's alright Mami nee-san. They're lesbians, they can't help it."

Shortly after, the short-shorted girl jumps off her dragon to land to the yamabiko's right, and says "that' right Kimi-nee. Just a couple of raging lesbians wanting some fun."

The seemingly unconscious girls storm to their feet, and furiously shout "**HEY! We are _NOT_ lesbians!**"

Kimi grabs Orange, Mamizou grabs Kyouko, and both squeeze the two lucky/unlucky/LUCKY(?) girls between their breasts, smothering both and cutting their air supply, while the tanuki youkai sweetly says "no dear little sis, they aren't lesbians."

The shadow girl squeezes her little sister too tight, crushing her bones in the process, and adds "they're just a couple of sick perverts, looking for very disgusting thrills."

Flandre takes a fighting stance, and threateningly says "ohh~, looks like you're both itching for a fight, huh. I'll be taking both your bloods rare!"

Koakuma knows she's totally outmatched, so she just shakes her fist in the air, and shouts from within the dark corridors "you get 'em Lady Flandre! I'll be with you in spirit!"

"At least protect Patchy and the screaming ice witch!", shouts the vampire without looking back.

The little devil rushes outside to the unconscious, panting girls, raises a magical barrier around them, then a washtub falls on her head, knocking her out and canceling the barrier.

Flandre, Kimi, and Mamizou all face palm and sigh, then all look toward a specific point to the sky with a scowl, and shout "**CUT IT OUT, WILLIE!**"

Spaghetti with red sauce rains down on the girls, and somehow, the chibi-nekos Ran, Sanae and Yumeko are already eating it on the sides, along with Orange and Kyouko.

Both the youkai girl coo and squeal with glee while enjoying the delicious meal, then the three supposed-adults poke their heads out of the food, and the blonde cries "I got sghetti in strange places!"

"**ITADAKIMASU!**" exclaim the heart-eyed, supposedly-mature dragon and tanuki, just as they jump on the vampire, and begin their gorgeous consumption of said blonde.

Two hours later, the panting, flushed Flandre lies on her stomach with a happy smile on the ground while in her pink underwear, and contently sighs "I just never knew."

The yamabiko and the baton-girl are both tapping their left feet impatiently on the ground, and are placing their fists on their hips as they glower at their two onee-chans, then Orange says "so shameless!"

"**We're sowwyyyyyy~**" whine both girl with red sauce all over their faces.

* * *

The scene frizzles like a broken TV, and now, after it settles we see Wriggle in her natural habitat, licking some sap out of a tree in the Forest of Magic, and ignoring the world around her.

Hatate appears on the background, hiding behind some thick bushes while gazing flatly toward the plump bug, then hides the very second the bug girl looks around.

The green haired girl resumes her happy sap-licking, then Mystia swoops in, screeching like a hawk, knocking Wriggle off the tree and off the scene, and causing a noisy commotion on the right of the screen.

Meanwhile, Hatate jumps out of hiding, and starts taking pictures of the whole thing, while looking amused and amazed.

Meiling sighs as she jumps from the couch, and roars "there's nothing to watch!"

She turns off the TV with the remote, drops back down on the couch like a sloth, looks at herself, then asks "why am I still wearing my pirate outfit? It's my day off."

Dark Rika peeks her head from behind the couch, then jumps and screams "**get off the couch, you lazy slob,**" causing he poor redhead to spring and scream in surprise.

After recovering from the inevitable crash, Meiling lifts herself off the ground, rubbing her chin and under her chest, while whining "hey, that was rude. Attacking me from the back like that was cowardly."

The darkened maid looks down on the redhead, unsheathes and points her sword at the girl's face, then says "what disgraceful behavior this is! You are a LADY! Act like such!"

The gate guard raises an eyebrow as she slowly stands up, and asks "um, Miss Rika? What's the matter? What are you talking ab-"

The maid grabs the unsuspecting girl, sits on the couch, sit the victim's stomach on her lap, then starts spanking the girl, while saying "you. were. slouching. on. the. couch. like. some. old. man! BAD GIRL!"

Poor redhead is left to stand up while howling in pain and rubbing her throbbing, sore butt, while the dark maid stands up, and commands "and don't just stand there! Clean up this room and make it look like there was a LADY here!"

Meiling gazes upon those purple eyes in order to attack, but instead is overwhelmed by the charisma emanating from that face.

"HOOOOOOOOOOO~", she howls in adoration as she drops on her knees to bow, and exclaims "I'll honor your request to the very last detail, oh superb one!"

As she says this, she thinks "_what the hell am I thinking? My Lady would be so mad at me right now, but I can't help it! This girl's charisma level is as high as Lady Remilia's!_"

"MOVE IT!", commands Dark Rika, to which Meiling springs on her feet, salutes the girl, and says "hai!"

In a matter of instants, Meiling Hong changes to a green, short skirted maid's outfit, and is zipping around the entire room, brushing, dusting, mopping, reaching, tripping, swiping, sweeping, mopping again, and then she fondles the dough in the bowl.

The winded maid guard manages to stand straight and in attention in front of the dark one, who smiles vilely, chuckles, and says "nice," then more sternly, commands "now don't forget to act like a girl, or I'm spanking that sweet ass again!"

"H-er, hai," is the only thing the cute, white-disk eyed girl can say, while shivering with fear before the dark maid.

Dark Rika suddenly runs toward the next corridor, and shout "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU CLEAN THE WINDOWS! COME HERE, YOU!"

The sexy redhead sighs with relief, ignoring the screaming fairy maids and the sounds of spanking going around, manages to drop on the couch, and as she grabs the remote again and turns the television on, she sighs "hauuu what a pain. But at least it's over now."

On the TV, the terrified, white disk-eyed Hatate, shivers violently as she creeps away from Wriggle, who is using Mystia's hat to clean her mouth from the inexplicable, thick, whitish substance.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the long path to the Moriya Shrine, V*r*a Suit Sanae is blasting round spiny creatures as she makes her way to the shrine.

But that's not important now, for we want to go to Kanako's room, where the bikini-clad adult Remilia, and the briefs-clad Ail, are both looking away from each other; the vampire seems annoyed, while the boy is just confused and wondering what the hell is suppose to happen next.

The boy looks straight at the vampire's face, so as not to cause any kind of misunderstanding, and asks "um, Remi? Wh-why exactly are we locked up in here in barely any clothes for?"

The voluptuous vampire mistress flinches only too obviously, crosses her arms around her breasts, looks away to hide her flushed face, and angrily says "h-how should I know? J-just stay over there and don't talk to me."

Ayalina appears behind her son, holding her hands together while lifting both index fingers, and startles both boy and vampire when she says "this is going nowhere, so it's time I give you two a hand."

"Mom, where the heck did you come from?", asks the boy as he twists his torso slightly to look back.

"Never mind that, sweetie," calmly says the evil mother before pushing her hands forward and poking Ail on a specific point on his spine.

The dense one's body becomes stiff for a moment, and in a second, his Yozoragan blood limit is activated by force.

As soon as he turns around to shout at his mother, he realizes she is gone, turns around to address the hot woman at the other side of the room, and his eyes hide under a dark shadow while his cheeks turn pink, and a force smile graces his face.

Right in front of him is Remilia, looking endearing and sweetly at him while bending slightly forward to show her goods, and staring at him with a blushing, longing face.

She quickly grips him tight, snuggles her face against his right shoulder, and after panting lightly, she whispers "what a man. Such gorgeous wings."

In the course of a single second, Ail thinks "_Sanae's going to kill me; I'm going to kill mom; Remilia's gonna rape me; Why am I scared and happy?; I should run, but where?; This is bad/good/bad... good. Someone save me._"

Remilia begins to rub his chest with her hand, giggles while looking at him as though in some sort of trance, and sweetly sighs "if you let me go, I'll gouge your eyes."

"THINK OF SOMETHING SWEETER TO SAY!" screams the terrorized boy just before he gazes into the woman's eyes, and gets lost in thought.

The vampire smiles, places her arm around the boy's neck, notices there's a bit of resistance to her charm, yet she smiles, gets her face closer to his, then the wall to outside the shrine bursts open.

Sanae has lost the helmet, abdomen, and shoulders of her power suit, but she's come to rescue her man, and she's not leaving without him.

She looks at the scene before her, stares at her pathetic man as he whimpers "save me, Sanae-chan," and shoots a charged beam of pure plasma straight at his face, smiling while saying "you perverted bastard."

When the smoke from the blast clears, it is revealed both adult Remilia, who still clings tightly to her prize, and Ail, had erected a barrier that nullified that shot.

"DAMMIT SANAE! I said save me, not turn us both into crispy nuggets!"

"What's a nugget," suddenly asks the confused vampire while looking up at the golden-eyed boy.

"Dammit Anilan, you didn't make your move," sighs Ayalina from the door to the room.

"And I wanted to see my grown up lady making a cute face and using her cute voice as that boy ravaged her perfect body," sighs another, very familiar voice from behind the young-looking mother.

Remilia snarls and growls toward the source of the voice, grips Ail closer to her; so tightly, in fact, that her breasts are about to pop free from their tiny, constricting prison; and angrily says "Sakuyaaaaa! What the hell is the meaning of this! ?"

The chief maid is wearing a long black coat over her usual maid's dress, and a pair of sunglasses that makes her look like some sort of big boss.

Without any sort of provocation, the silver-haired girl says "It was I who had you kidnapped, My Lady. I wanted you to seduce Ail, so that you would have all sort of dirty fun with him, but he's too dense to notice, and too devoted to that shrine maiden to fall easily. We needed more ti-**WHAT THE HELL! ? MY LADYYYYYYYY!**"

Sanae has already knocked out Remilia while Sakuya was focused on her monologue, and is currently holding on to her man tightly, wearing nothing but a tight blue body suit that rides up the crack of her buns like some g-string, though it's still unknown as to the purpose of such a sexy design being inside a metal suit.

Meanwhile, the vampire moans while lying dazed, sprawled all over the ground, where her white, triangular bikini top threatens to slip, teases us with that glorious thought of it slipping when the woman twitches several times, but remains in place, disallowing us, AND Sakuya, the glorious privilege of seeing that perfectly shaped body as life intended it to be seen.

The chief maid is suddenly flying backward as a throttling spray of blood explodes out of her nostrils, and just before hitting the ground with her body, she shouts "oh no~ I'm defeated~~!"

Ail and Sanae stand before the happy maid's body, and some wind starts blowing behind them, making the whole scene look cool, and stuff.

Ayalina cracks a whip, demands "I demand that you two do it, right here and NOW!", then a kiwi (fruit) falls on her head, making a loud klunk sound and knocking her out, then chibi-neko Yumemi pops out of the tiny, brown, fuzzy green fruit, and cheers "aaaaaand it's done! Let's all go home!"

The green-haired shrine maiden raises an eyebrow, and asks "wait, what? But the ships haven't crashed yet! How can it be the end?"

The tiny cat person rubs her chin while thinking and sighing some "nya"-s, then says "you're right. Time to fix that."

* * *

The chibi-nekos have prepared a ridiculously complicated grey cannon on the shrine's front yard, while Ail and Sanae, both in casual outfits, eat some rice balls with tea and casually watch.

The cannon is normal, has a normal sturdy base, and all around it there are wooden beams making what looks like the skeleton of what should be a wall, though there's no reason for it being there. Really!

After a quick hammering from chibi-neko Damien on some sort of wooden/metal beam, he looks back at chibi-neko Ran, and smoothly says "this baby is ready to end the chapter in a glorifying bang of robust proportions."

"HUN-HUN-HUN", hums the nodding blonde little neko thing while holding the back of the cannon, as though eager to shoot it already.

Chibi-neko Miko jumps out from inside the cannon's mouth, crashes on her stomach on the ground, and desperately shouts "SHOOOOOOOT!"

The cannon fires itself, and Suwako is now flying through the air, screaming as she is forced to cruise at insane speeds.

She screams "**THIS WASN'T PART OF THE PLAAAAAAAAAN!**" while flying straight toward Miko, who is tied up from the wrists and ankles by four separate ropes that cling to nowhere.

The trapped saint screams in terror while watching that goddess cannonballing toward her, OMPHS hard when the blond crashes against her stomach, then they turn to Tojiko, who continues cannoning toward the Human Village, screaming "**FUUUUUUUUUUU~"** as she flies away.

There, she is caught by a suspiciously branded bathtub, the tub falls on a pair of skates on a metal platform, it rolls down a slide next to the platform, loops, spins, rinses, then crashes against a stop sign, and now Kaguya falls toward a giant cake bowl that's in top of the Suspicious Keine's school and shop. So suspicious.

A giant, Nitori brand, cake mixer appears from heaven, crushes the screaming, leotard-clad princess, then starts mixing the cake mix, which inexplicably fills the bowl now.

The mixer explodes, sending the mix to the air, where it slips off Futo, who looks around herself in despair, then anxiously asks "wha? WHA? Where's the kitchen? This is not our kitchen!"

She crashes against Damien, causing an explosion in mid air, then Nue rockets forth, going straight at the S.S. Glass Leotard, screaming "**NUUEEEEN~!** **THIS MAKES NO SEEEEEENSE!**"

Meanwhile, at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri, Yumemi and Mima are on their backs, wearing simple white, red and blue bikinis, taking in some Sun in peace, when the surprisingly round-butted blonde sighs "such a peaceful day, even without my Lucky Charms."

Momiji, Hatate and Cirno are staring at their captain's butt as it jiggles when she speaks, then the crow girl snaps a picture, drools, and says "you know Chiyuri-sama, you should consider wearing tighter pants. E... even Willie wouldn't be able to mess with you if you did."

Snow falls on the ship, making the bikini girls screech in pain, it explodes with great force, then the S.S. Glass leotard is pierced by the screaming Alice, it falls straight on the Palanquin's deck, said ship creaks as it heads straight toward the Unnamed Ghost Ship, meatballs rain on the Scarlet Demon Ark, and somewhere in Gensokyo, Kyo is engaged in a swordfight against G*non**rf for the freedom of Luna.

Meanwhile, under the exploding ships, Medicine is walking by, taking the things that fall from said ships that interest her, and even though large chunks of wood and glass fall on her, they all just veer away from her body, and land either on top of another downed girl, or safely on the ground.

She looks toward a specific spot, Su-San flies out of hiding, several washtubs fall around them, then the larger doll youkai says "heh, that's right. I stay safe, so does your precious stick. Now, let's see what that Sanae wears under her skirt."

With that, the evil blonde disappears through a magical door that leads straight to the Moriya Shrine.

What's awesome is that I didn't call her Purple Mist this whole time, and she didn't notice. Don't tell her, please.

Anyways, while bits of ships and girls rain down on to the ground, Alice is somewhere at the Youkai Forest, moaning as she gets off the ground, and rubbing the massive, steaming bump on her head.

She winces after a jolt of pain hits her, then she opens her eyes, looks around, then says "but I wasn't even part of this chapter. Why am I here? And who is that Suspicious Keine? Oh, that's right, I have to returns Patchy's ero-"

Chibi-neko Sanae jumps out of a bush, strikes the blonde out of consciousness with a paper fan to the head, then sweetly says "mmm-nya. You should not read those naughty books, darling."

* * *

That night, at Mystia's new, Unnamed Night Restaurant, set near the eastern exit of the Human Village, Chiyuri is sharing a drink with Murasa, Yumemi, Yuyuko and Byakuren are mingling on one of the tables, and for some reason, Shou is trying to keep herself hidden from Nazrin, who is looking around with a very menacing glare.

Reimu and Marisa are sharing some quiet time, drinking sake on a table, while looking at the large moon from the window, while Dark Rika, whom is currently scolding some humans for leaving an order without eating, is SUPPOSED to be picking up another bottle of sake for her mistress and friend.

The adults Remilia and Flandre, and Koakuma, all in sexy casual outfits, are sitting at the bar, hitting on the young men from the village, and using their charm abilities to 'convince' said males to join them for the night.

Meanwhile, on a nearby table, Patchouli sits in front of the maid Meiling (Maidling), whom is feeding the tied up Sakuya, who cries "I really gotta go~. My lady, please forgive me already."

Meiling coos sweetly, then says "I'll take you to the bathroom, Sakuya-san."

The chief maid in tight ropes cries twin waterfalls, and after a sob, she whimpers "this is so humiliating."

At the table closest to the entrance of the new restaurant, Mai sniffles and whimpers while trying to cover herself with her arms, and failing yet again, while Yuki pats her shoulder and Luize rubs her back, attempting to cheer the girl up.

She looks at her blonde sisters, sniffles, then says "but I'm so exposed. I need my cover."

While all of this happens, the chibi-nekos Sanae, Yumemi, Miko, and Ran, run around the restaurant, taking the prepared orders to their customers, while the little Damien works with Mystia in the kitchen.

Unknown to all, in the restaurant's separate room, a suspicious client is suspiciously eating her suspicious bowl of ramen, which she suspiciously acquired without having to pay a yen.

The Suspicious Keine takes a VERY suspicious slurp, while Mokou takes a normal slurp from her bowl, and says "hey, why am I blending with the background? Didn't even get a proper presentation. No fair, you're the suspicious one after all."

The suspicious woman chuckles very suspiciously, smiles, and says "Moko-tan, you say the cutest things sometimes."

Suspicious~

The door suddenly opens up, and the chibi-nekos Damien and Yumemi make their way inside.

Both cats make their way to the Suspicious Keine, offers a thick envelope, then the manly cat with his suave voice, says "here's the payment for the materials and the cannon."

The chibi Yumemi smiles all cat-like and says "nyan. that excessively overly complicated cannon was marvelous. We ended the chapter with a really impossible bang-nya."

The Suspicious Keine grins with a chuckle, suspiciously looks toward a fixed point, her left eye glints very suspiciously, and she suspiciously says "too bad Medicine still has that USB Stick. If it weren't for that, the poison blast would have made the ending all better. Oh well. Let's just hope the author finds a way to mess that chick up, before she sells my panties on JBay."

Mokou casually slurps on her soup, then looks inside the bowl and says "ah, I found the eel. Yum~"

The scene slowly shrinks as I make my way out that suspicious door, keeping my eyes on that suspicious woman that keeps staring at me like some sort of hungry ero-predator, then chibi-neko Ran appears to the right of the scene, and nods while rapidly humming "HUNHUNHUN!"

* * *

To be continued... suspiciously frightening.

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Luna, Budou, Kimi, Jumy and Ayalina were created by Willie G.R.

The chibi-nekos were inspired by Carnival Phantasm Anime (for those still wondering, for some reason)

Rika and Suzaku were created by Snapshot 2010

Suwako's Ero-Eye suggestion by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

Referenced stuff belongs to their proper owners.

MAR 19 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Ok... this was crazy, but there's something missing. Something that should have made it far more random than it is. Will I find out what it is next time? Wait... why is there a suspicious letter in my room? Um... did I do something wrong?**

**Hmm, you know what? I wanted to mimic the last boss fight of Metal Gear Solid 4, BUT I haven't beaten the game yet, so I decided to put that on hold, for now. Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Quick Note:**

**Slight collaborations ahead. Hope you'll enjoy them, for they are good. ONWARD, FOR HILARITY!**

* * *

In a dark, damp and cold room without windows, and just a single light bulb dangling from a string that has no particular function other than swinging around, Byakuren sits on a chair with her hands tied behind her back, and her legs tied to the chair's legs.

With a forced brave face, betrayed by a single tear of fright under her left eyes, the woman barks "you will NEVER get away with this!"

A chuckle and a few steps echo around the room, just before Medicine and Su-San reveal themselves from the shadows.

She points at the tied up monk, and says "quiet you! I have his USB thing, and HE is a fat pervert with a love of fanservice! I'm getting away with this, and you're going to like it."

She and the small doll suddenly point at nothingness with a dangerous glare in their eyes, then the girl says "and it's Purple Mist, the Most Awesome Pirate Terror Ever, Willie! Get it wrong again, and I'm posting **that** picture on **those** two famous video sites! And I'll be using that music type you hate so much as the BGM."

...

"That's better," coos the blonde with a smile on her face.

Byakuren looks toward were the blonde was pointing at, and exclaims "author, please be brave! You have to fight her! You can win!"

The blonde laughs at the monk's desperate calls, and says "you don't know him the way I do. He's too much of a chicken who can't seem to let go of material things. Really pathetic, if you ask me."

I swear I want to kill that poisonous girl right now... but she's so awesome, I can't.

The magician woman sighs, then says "I see. Someone like him is impossible to teach the ways of the Buddha. I'm so doomed."

Purple Mist looks again at nothingness with the most vilest of grins, and says "alright Wllie-boy. Humiliate her so that I can extract her magical essence, and finally grow this body up to womanhood, and look as hot as those two vampires!"

Somehow, Parsee peeks her head from behind the background items in the darkness.

Her eyes glow as she stares toward Purple Mist, her grin becomes a crescent-shaped light in the dark, then hides back down before she is noticed.

The blonde girl lifts her arms chest high and wiggles her fingers as she moves toward the shivering Byakuren's chest, slowly gets closer, and closer, and the poor monk's clothes begin to melt, and for some odd reason, chibi-neko Miko is watching all from the background with glints in her eyes.

The door to the right bursts open with a bang the very second those tiny fingers were to touch those glorious mounds, then the flinching woman smiles as she looks out to the light coming from that door, and exclaims "MINI-CHAN! SHOU-CHAN! Willie grew some balls after all!"

Somewhere in my room, I just finished filling my two basketballs with air. I GET TO PLAY AGAIN!

Anyway, Medicine threatens to break my USB in half, but is stopped when Murasa throws an anchor at her feet, forcing her to jump away.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS TRANSGRESSION, WILLIE!" shouts Medicine before she expels a thick poison mist out of her mouth.

Shou rushes to Byakuren's front, raises her lance, the Jeweled Pagoda, then lets out a mighty roar along a rapid chanting that activates a holy barrier that turns the poison cloud into a mere annoyance that cuts visibility to Zero.

While a mysterious young man with VERY long hair and with a green saber screams as he fights in the cloud's depths, the blonde girl crawls like some sort of roach under the blinding mist until she reaches the exit of the room.

"Find that heathen!", commands the tiger youkai, but the gradient-haired woman quickly cries "forget about her~ Just untie me already, please!"

Both captain and tiger snort, lower their weapons, and turn to face Byakuren, only to stop when they gaze upon their gorgeous leader in such a provocative predicament.

Both Shou and Minamitsu stand and stare as the light caresses the woman's round features, blood trickle down their noses, both lift their hands in the air and start to moan like zombies, then the woman cries "kyaah~ No~ Don't fall to temptation, PLEASE!"

A massive ball of blue plasma flies through the scene, blasting those two perverts through the ceiling, then Ichirin, who wears a tight blue outfit, a round blue helmet with a scowling front cut and a small red crystal in front, and a large, round blue arm cannon, enters the room and says "anee-san, we came to save you!"

Behind her, Unzan wears a red and white, sort-of horned helmet with a large green crystal in front, and is holding a green light saber on his right hand.

When the tied-up monk notices the cloud-man's weapon, she asks "wait, how can Unzan be there, when he was over there at the background, fighting something before?"

The girls look to the left of the room, where the man with a head shaped like Unzan's helmet flips a thumb up to them, the words "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" appear above him in blue, then he zips out of the room as a red beam of light that goes through the ceiling, without disturbing it at all.

Byakuren is already out of the chair as she, Ichirin and Unzan stare up to the ceiling, while chibi-neko Damien, who sits with his legs crossed on the now empty chair, sighs and says with his suave voice "that was a real man."

The girls and Nyuudo all stare silently at the cat man, and take slow steps toward the exit.

After the three are gone, Murasa and Shou crash on the floor, moan as they get up, grimace as they rub their heads, then twitch with fright when they notice the chibi-neko on the seat.

They slowly turns their white, disk-like eyes and heads toward the little Damien, their faces turn blue, and now they find themselves screaming and hugging each other tightly as their small boat rocks around the green, stormy sea with the creepy red kraken with big yellow eyes, roaring in front of them.

* * *

That morning, at the deck of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa (MAN, THAT'S A MOUTHFUL!), Rika stretches her wings and moves them up and down, alternately, while she tinkers with something on a small square table before her.

To the right, watching curiously, are Satori, whom is wearing a white t-shirt, pink shorts, and comfortable white sneakers, and Koishi, who wears a navy-blue swimsuit, yellow shorts, and a pair of geta sandals.

"Thank you so very much, Miss Rika."

The maid looks at the mind reader with curiosity, then asks "wait, how did you-?" but she quickly remembers who she's dealing with, smiles and giggles, and says "right. No need to say I'm done. Here you go then. You should be able to read even... _someone's_ mind, a little easier with this."

The maid hands the youkai the bracelet with the Eagle and Tiger's Eye stones, while thinking "_I almost let it slip there, but seems Koishi-chan is still oblivious. Now go ahead and try it out._"

The cute angel lets out an adorable giggle that causes the purple-haired girl to blush a bit as she equips the enhanced bracelet.

She gives the angel girl a thumps up, stares at her little sister, who is currently looking at the birds flying in the skies, and concentrates.

She focuses on Koishi, straining her eyes as she strengthens her focus, then smiles when she starts hearing something very faint, while ignoring the thoughts of Rika, whom keeps repeating how much she wants to hug her Reimu.

"_...ah, that cloud reminds me of ice cream. I'm hungry. I wonder if I can eat something from the ghost lady's ship over there?_"

Satori grins wide upon getting a successful reading from her little sister's mind, then giggles when Koishi-chan looks at her, and thinks "_what's she looking at? Hmm... maybe it's my swimsuit. Yup, she subconsciously wants to touch me. Ah, but not yet. I want to surprise her._"

The grinning mind reader turns to Rika, bows, and says "it's working like a charm, Miss Rika. Thank you so much for your help."

"_Marisa's coming to get you~_"

The maid bows politely, lifting her skirt slightly, and says "it was my pleasure, Lady Satori. Still, I don't think you can read Miss Suwako's thoughts yet. Maybe Miss Kanako's..."

"_She thinks your sexy~_"

Satori bows her head slightly, and smiles as she says "that's alright. I'll get through that divine heart of hers eventually. Oh, I see the Hakurei Maiden is fine. Could you send her my regards?"

"_She wants to touch you~_"

The angelic maid chuckles contently, and says "oh my. Well of course I'll tell her. I'm sure she'll be happy to receive your message," while thinking "_my lady Reimu is so radiant, and beautiful, and graceful, and ahh~ I think I'll make something sweet for her today._"

"_She's getting closer~_"

The purple-haired girl chuckles nervously as she looks at the shrine's maid, and says "er, yeah, I'm glad to hear that. Um, are you sure the others are still sleeping?"

"_She's almost there~_"

The angelic maid notices the nervous look and cold sweat coming from Satori's forehead, then gasps and says "oh my goodness! I'm so sorry! Such improper thoughts! P-please forgive me!"

"_She's going to touch you~_"

The sweating satori youkai's lips wriggle as she forces a smile, and says "no, no, don't worry about that. Believe me, I've read wo-"

In the youkai's mind, the entire scene becomes white, and a sudden image of Marisa reaching for her appears with a sudden metallic sound.

Satori screams as she jumps on Rika's arms, and looks away as she shouts out loud "STOP THINKING THAT, YOU PERVERT!"

The maid looks around in surprise, then softly comments "er... Miss Satori, the only ones here are you, me, and-"

"AH-HAH! I KNEW IT! Onee-chan, you're reading my mind!"

The girls look at Koishi, who storms closer to her older sister, pokes her nose, and says "but even so, I still OWN YOU! You'll NEVER get away with the Undefined Object!"

Nue and the adult Flandre hover down to the ship on said vampire's red UFO, that very vampire gets off, nodding at the undefined girl, then walks over to the subconscious satori.

Koishi is sweating bullets and shivering so violently, she making the bamboo floor rattle.

Flandre bows to the greyish-green haired girl, pulls a large grey fish from the pocket of her dress, then slaps the youkai across the face with it, making her spin in place several times.

She tosses the fish away, grabs the subconscious monster just as she falls from her spin, lifts her over her shoulder, takes her to the UFO, then takes off to the sky after settling in, saying "I'll take good care of her. Don't let Marisa catch you, though."

And with that, Satori and Rika are left on their own, looking up toward that flying machine with three cute, sexy, and destructive EX bosses, unaware of Marisa reaching for them from behind, with a rather mischievous grin.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Palanquin, Cirno mops the deck, while Byakuren finishes scolding Minamitsu and Shou, over at the new tennis court over there.

Their scolding is getting in Aya's way of earning the championship, but thankfully, the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow has called for an extended time-out.

The ice fairy sighs after finishing her job, places the mop inside its bucket, then asks "Dai-chan, need help with those?"

She approaches Daiyousei, whom is cleaning the portside (left) rails, and seems to be having a hard time doing so, thanks mostly to her tiny muscles.

When she reaches her friend and attempts to begin the cleaning of those slippery rails, Mystia flies over, looking anxious, desperate, her hair's a mess, she's sweating bullets, and she's panting uncontrollably.

She crashes on Cirno, they roll on the ground several times, and when they stop, the night sparrow is on top of the fairy's stomach, screaming "you gotta help me! THEY'RE AFTER ME!"

The greater fairy pulls the bird of the ice fairy's stomach, slaps her twice, then sweetly asks "would you like to do it?"

The girls stare at the green haired fairy, then quickly turn their faces away and begin to chortle loudly, Mystia even having to put a finger on her mouth in order to prevent herself from laughing too loudly.

Daiyousei's face turns blood red when she realizes what she just said, yelps lightly while looking away, then covers her face and flaps her wings rapidly.

"Hey, keep rolling. We're still in the middle of the scene," whispers adult Remilia from somewhere outside the scene.

The girls manage to chuckle off the last few laughs, Daiyousei takes a deep breath to calm herself down, turns to face Mystia again, then mumbles "sorry."

Once they all settle down again, Cirno gets off the ground, and demands "what the heck's your problem, darn it? Who's after you?"

The night sparrow quickly points to the sky behind herself, and shortly after, Okuu, whom is in her usual white shirt and green short skirt attire, lands on the deck, accompanied by a boy nobody recognizes.

The medium-sized boy (who looks laughably underwhelming besides the taller Okuu) has short auburn hair, a thin auburn beard on his chin, and wears a brown jacket over a blue shirt. Aside from this, he has blue jeans, black shoes, a sword in a holster strapped over his shoulder, and another around his waist at his belt, this one with a gun.

The cowering Mystia hides behind Daiyousei, and fearfully says "it's them! They are the bullies that are trying to kidnap me!"

Cirno takes the front, points at the boy and his hell raven, and demands "Hey, who the hell do you think you are? Stop picking on Mystia, or feel the wrath of the strongest fairy!"

"Ryan~ they're getting in our way again…" cutely whines the hell raven, pouting with impatience. "Can't I just blast them this _one time_ and get it over with? Please~?"

The boy glances over to the girl, then says with a sweatdrop on his head, "Okuu, let's…not make any more enemies than we _have_ to. Look, we're not here to bully the sparrow girl. We just need to get her back with us, so Yukari will- Wait, the _fuck?_ …Cirno, _you_ said you're my rival, but now you forgot all about me?"

He taps his foot impatiently against the wooden floor while crossing his arms over his chest, and with a look of disappointment and disbelief, he says "Gee, _thanks_. Normally I'd be relieved but…well, I knew you were stupid, but never _rude!_ See if I'll ever fight with _you_ again!"

The ice fairy raises her left brow in confusion, looks back at Daiyousei and Mystia, then looks back at Ryan, and says "I think you're confusing me with someone else. I've never seen you in my life, and **I'm not stupid** you hairy jerk!"

"RYAAAAAAANNNN~!"

Everyone sort-of recognize Remilia's voice as she flies over to the ship, shouting "WRONG FICTION, YOU IDIOT! WRONG FICTION!"

The adult vampire mistress lands in front of the boy, her breasts bounce as she lands, and, understandably, Ryan's eyes, though still in their sockets, lock on that gorgeous body.

Before the vampire says her piece, he points at her breasts and exclaims "GREAT HOOGILY-BOOGILY, LOLI VAMPIRE IS STACKED? Okuu, she…she has _boobs!_"

The hell raven gasps, and exclaims "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON? Everything has gone wrong, _WRONG, I SAY-_"

Remilia pulls two washtubs from her cleavage, smashes both their heads several times and effectively cutting Utsuho's screaming off, though making sure not to kill Ryan.

After being satisfied with the solid beating, she tosses the dented cleaning bowls of metal, and dusts her hands while saying, "Keep focused, kid. I'm trying to help you."

Both boy and bird stand in attention, saluting the sexy vampire, who paces around and says "like I was say-"

"**HEY!**" Ryan rudely interrupts. "**…Holy crap, you're out in the sun. Why aren't you a fireball by now? !**"

His outburst earns him nothing but a swift punch on the head, which leads to a steaming bump that causes him to groan, whimper and shiver. …But, as a good side of things, he also gets Okuu's soft fingers nursing said bump.

"Anyways," Remilia begins, shaking her steaming fist, "THIS... is Tales of the Almost Pirates. A fiction where anything goes, and the fourth wall doesn't exist. YOU two …should be in Average Joe in Bullet Hell, _Magnificent Sasquatch's_ fiction."

Both boy and bird look as confused as one would expect, then Yukari's gap opens up under their feet.

They both look down. For a moment, all is quiet. Then they fall into the yawning gap, Ryan screaming like a child due for a pants-changing.

"**_GODDAMNIT, YUKARIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~…!_**"

The floor's gap closes up, Yukari reveals herself in front of Cirno, grabs the three little youkai girls, squeezes them against her breasts, and in a bubbly tone, says "that was so much fun! You girls really did a great job there."

All heads turn starboard (right), when Byakuren screams "oh no, I'm falling agaaaaaaain~!"

The girls stare silently while the peace-loving monk falls off the ship, and not one of them seems to really care.

* * *

Over at the Unnamed Ghostly Ship, Yuyuko, whom is wearing her regular light-blue kimono with the cherry blossoms motif, is currently on her hands and knees with her butt raised up while she looks around the floor of the deck.

Kimi and Kali watch her from the sides, looking completely unamused, yet in their eyes can be seen a plot to cause some sort of amusing incident out of it, and so, with a glancing, nodding agreement, the two approach the ghost princess.

"Um, hey, pink-haired ghost lady. What are you doing?" asks the shadow's shadow, getting the well-endowed ghost's attention.

Said woman looks up at the two shadows, and says "I'm looking for Youmu. Could you help me find her?"

Both girls raise an eyebrow, wondering why would she be looking for Youmu so low to the floor, when said girl is at least four feet tall; give or take a few inches.

The hesitant shadow dragon looks around for any signs of the girl, then asks "why... exactly are you looking for her down there?"

"Because she fell, and she can't get up, silly," casually replies Yuyuko, making that dragon both mad, an infinitely confused.

Kimi and Kali look at each other, hoping to be able to find a sensible answer that doesn't involve some sort of gag, but they know better than to question my author's brain, and forgetting about their prank, they silently decide to help look for the half ghost.

"Fine, we'll help," says the shadow dragon before activating her odd eye-patch and squatting down to the ground to search.

Mere minutes later, Youmu sits on her knees while watching in disappointed disbelief at the searching girls, all while drinking tea, and being polite about it!

She lets out a quick sigh, and asks "so, have you found Youmu yet?"

Kali looks at the girl, shakes her head, and sighs "it's like she's not here in this ship at all. Seriously, where could she be, Youmu-san?"

Youmu lets out a puff of her breath, her ghost half swirls around her, then she replies "I... really don't have a clue. Sorry."

"I found her~" happily sings Yuyuko from the distance.

The two shadows rush to her side, while the ghostly princess pulls her hand from a hole on the wooden floor.

She yanks Youmu out of the tiny hole, uses her own body as a cushion for the silver-haired girl, and while holding the girl in her arms, she coos "Youmu, I finally found you."

The confused half-ghost in tattered and dirty clothes glances around as though in shock and fright, then finally notices Yuyuko's smiling face, her eyes water, then she suddenly cries "WAAAHHH! Yuyu-sama, why did you take so long to find me? Yuyu-samaaaaaa~"

Yuyuko giggles while embracing the silver-haired girl, and coos "aww. There, there, Youmu, it's alright. I got you now."

The two shadow girls stare at the scene with indifference, sniffle, and when they look to the left to hide their embarrassment, and right where Youmu was sitting before, is chibi-neko Sanae, who sweetly says "the mysteries of life are plentiful. It's so romantic~"

Kimi shivers, Kali chokes, and Lily white just left a donation at the Hakurei Shrine.

...Nobody explodes this time, so just move along.

* * *

Back at the Palanquin, Cirno is, once again, mopping the deck, cleaning the dirt left behind by the mysterious visitors from another fiction.

Beside her are Mystia and Daiyousei, helping out their friend with the mopping, but what is surprising about this is that our dear ice fairy is doing the job faster, and of a higher quality than her friends, who just seem to be soaking the floor up.

Behind them is Byakuren, doing her routine exercises in her white lycra pants that reach her knees, white sports bra, and a lose short black shirt that has its sleeves and bottom torn.

We all know where this is heading towards to, so let's cut to the chase and get on with it.

So, yeah, the sexy monk is done with her exercises, and is conveniently heading toward the mopping trio to inspect their work.

She looks at the floor, smiles, and says "that's a nice job you're doing the-waaaahhh~"

And, of course, she slips on the wet floor and screams as she heads straight to the starboard (right) rails of the ship.

"I'll save you, Hijiri-san!", bravely declares Cirno, who shortly after, shoots a quick ice spell from her little hands, freezing the path in front of the sexy monk lady. (Thank you guys at 'Let's Danmaku', for the inspiration on doing this to my dear Byakuren.)

The ice spreads the moment Byakuren touches it, and she shouts "I'm falling over agaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!", shocking the three little youkai on the deck.

Inside the ice are Byakuren's black shirt, lycra pants, and her shoes, but not Byakuren, and looking at this, Cirno raises a shocked eyebrow and asks "how did I even get to do that?"

**SPLASH** goes the Youkhrist after landing head-first into the Misty Lake, giving us a mere glance of her perfect, bare bottom, followed promptly by chibi-neko Ran, who dives gracefully, making a mere plop upon landing.

The little cat splashes back out, lands on top of the water, then the other chibi-nekos on the screen below her give the scores.

Damien a 8.9, Miko a 7.9, Yumemi a 9.6, and Sanae, a 2.8.

She shouts and alarmed "NYAN?" after seeing that last score, fire rises from her back as she shouts "**NYAAAAAANNNNN!**", and all the little cats scramble in fear as the now-giant neko Ran goes after them, muttering grumbled curses under her breath and shooting eye beams.

Our dear Byakuren finally splashes out of the water, gasping out loud as we watch, in slow motion, as her hair flies above her head, shooting glistening drop of water that grace her almost bare skin with a subtle, cold touch, and how her almost-free chest dances around the surface of that lake, as if trying to play a fun, childish game with the water.

Fanservice over, the gradient-haired woman pants as she looks around herself, then whines "what sort of bad luck has fallen on my shoulders today? First kidnapped, and now a second fall from the ship. I've been cursed I say."

Purple Mist, the AWESOME Pirate Terror, walks on the water as she casually approaches the Youkhrist, and says "yes. You do have a curse. His name is Willie G.R., and NOT because of my... heh, persuasions, you have become his target today."

"AAH! But why would he target me? It thought he liked me!"

The blonde terror giggles at Byakuren's naivety, and says "it's called 'tough love'. Just ask around. He's got the death sentence all over Gensokyo for it. Now, enough chit-chat. Let me extract your youth, so that I may be a HOT, and SEXY mama too!"

Su-San springs out of hiding, and joins Medicine in their mandatory, slow-motion reaching of Byakuren's chest, when said monk suddenly shouts "WAIT!"

Having gotten the monster girl's attention, she says "why extract the youth, when I can show you what you need to know to achieve it instead?"

Purple Mist (who didn't notice my slip before) bends her knees in an unlady-like manner, stares flatly at the sexy woman, and casually says "because, learning such magic will take me years. I want the sexiness now. So stretch 'em out for me sweetheart. I'm-a groping!"

"KYAAAAAAAA~" screams Byakuren as she swims faster than a kappa with motor boots, with the two blonde dolls running on the water while chasing after her.

Ail suddenly rises from the water in front of the girls, successfully stopping the chase, spreads his hands, and chuckles softly.

They stare at him, wondering how the hell he is so perfectly dry after rising from beneath a lake, and why is he wearing a woman's sash around himself.

Regardless of their staring and without opening his eyes, the boy softly says "you have tossed a Byakuren to my waters. You may each have one wish."

"Hey! Ail! Watch out! Hey! Listen! HEY! LISTEN! AIIIIILLLLL!"

Phredia, Budou's elf fairy, who is currently wearing a dress witch skirt looks like a pink tulip, gets flicked on the face after annoying the boy more than enough.

After that, Byakuren quickly shouts "I WISH I WAS BACK AT MY SHIP!"

Just like that, she disappears, regardless of Medicine's complaining about it, or the fact that Minamitsu is eating spaghetti WITHOUT meatballs. THE FIEND! (No, actually, I like spaghetti either way.)

Ail smiles at the blonde, bows, then asks "and what would your wish be, I wonder?"

"I wanna be hot and sexy, like those vampires!", quickly says the blonde youkai.

Again, the boy smiles as he says "of course, I already knew. It was just protocol. Anyways..."

With a flick of his finger, a gap opens up around the doll youkai, consumes her like some mouth, but instead of actually swallowing her, it grants her wish.

Medicine's shirt now serves as a bra from her new, generous breasts, her hips barely fit in her pants, her new, athletic body, screams to be released of such confining clothes, her blonde hair has grown just slightly, and her skin is now much more similar to that of a real woman, and not that semi-doll-like skin.

She scrunches up and allows herself to sink underwater (while Su-San stays above with my USB), then peeks her head back out and shouts "you idiot, what about my clothes! ?"

Ail grins mischievously, and says "the wish was that you wanted to be hot and sexy, like the vampires. You never mentioned anything about clothes."

Before the girl attempts to shoot a rage-poison cloud at him, the boy softly says "now, if you don't return that stolen USB by the end of the chapter, or actually sooner than that, you little twerp, you are going to get crow's feet and liver spots. So please return the-ARGH!"

Before he can finish, Phredia strikes his face with a baseball bat, knocking him into the water, and puffing a satisfactory breath out of her mouth before flying away.

* * *

At the Hakurei Shrine, after having eaten lunch, Reimu, and the legless leotard-clad Shinki walk out into the sun, where the goddess says "that Rika can really cook some fierce meals!"

The Hakurei Maiden nods in assent, opens her smiling mouth while gesturing her hands, then the light-blue haired woman says "oh, I see. That celestial did a good thing, building that green house for her. Such fresh vegetables. And not a trace of pesticides on them either."

Both girls start to giggle and laugh, then stop when a thin figure appears walking through the trees right after the storage house, and stare as the new face gets closer to them.

Yet another strange boy appears in this chapter. REJOICE!

This one has brownish-black hair made into a small ponytail, has dark brown eyes, small fangs at the bottom of his mouth, has a very cynical look on his face, and wears a black turtleneck under a red and blue overcoat, blue and red pants, and sturdy, dirty-looking dark-brown shoes.

At that very moment, Marisa lands between the staring girls, looks toward the visitor as curious as the two of them, then gasps, points at the boy, then retracts her hand, frowns, and asks "who's the kid? He looks like he's Eirin's son, or something."

The boy looks around the shrine with great shock in his face, while thinking "..._what the hell? Reimu... rebuilt the shrine already? Look at that, is that a greenhouse? Wait, how long was I in Makai? WHAT THE HELL? This... this must have been Yukari's doing...!_"

*Sniff sniff* "_I recognize that smell of peaches. And it's coming from the greenhouse. So, Tenshi helped them rebuild? Talk about a change of pace; normally she's destroying things instead. Heheh, grand crushing. Ah, I wonder where she is. I don't see her... or smell her here._"

The boy sniffs again, smiles, and without turning his head, he says "Reimu, Marisa! It's kinda nice to see you two finally getting off your lazy asses and actually doing something worth mentioning. The shrine looks great. I would have picked better colors though."

Reimu panics and whimpers for a moment, then she and Marisa take a fighting stance, the witch holding her Hakkero, then said black and white demands "alright boy, who the hell are you, and how do you know our names, ze?"

The boy turns his face to them, and his smile suddenly turns to a scowl as he points at Shinki, and says "YOU!"

He looks back, and commands "Garrote, Alice, it's Shinki! The GODDESS kind! She-" and that's when he realizes he's on his own.

"_FACEPALM!_" he thinks before face palming himself hard, continuously processing thoughts afterward _"Shit__. Did I get distracted and didn't notice? Shinki played her cards right. I'm alone, and it looks like that cheating hag has Reimu AND Marisa under her control. Ugh! This looks like it's gonna be fun. Up my ass!_"

He stands upright while a blue flame grows out of his right hand, smiles, and says "hey, Santa Claus! You chased me all the way here after all! If I didn't know any better I'd be flattered, but I'm kinda pissed off that you'd take my allies away just as you gain two more of your own. Still, you're in Yukari's terr-"

And that's when he notices the leotard on the confused Makaian goddess, who says "young man, I don't really know who you are, but if you're looking for a fight, please go somewhere else. I'm not interested."

"_Ok, time out,_" thinks the boy while staring at the goddess. "_Why the hell is she wearing something as tight as THAT?_"

Without hesitation, he asks "why the hell are you wearing something as tight as THAT? Last I checked, leotards were out of the market a few hundred years ago! ...Wait, that actually explains a lot, never mind that."

Raging fire burns around the pissed off goddess of Makai as the word 'PISSED' flies in front of her, and she raises an imaginary sleeve up her right arm, while furiously saying "I'm going to kill that little shit!"

While Reimu fights to keep the raging Shinki back, Marisa raises an eyebrow, and asks the question she should have asked form the start. "Hey, boy, who the **hell** are you, some kind of clown? Maybe Eirin's son?"

"Marisa, Reimu, it's me, Katsura Shinki! Don't you remember me? **Also, it offends me that you'd put me on the same level as Doctor Insano over there! I got a clean criminal record! In Gensokyo, at least!**"

Even Shinki's rage quells when she hears the boy's name, and all three, with white disks for eyes, ask at the same time (except Reimu) "**SHINKI?**"

"Isn't that a girl's name?", adds the black and white with suspicion.

The boy clenches his fist and rubs the bridge of his nose in annoyance as he thinks "_not this pissy shit again,_" loudly saying "please let's not have this talk again? Did you really degrade yourselves to this point while I was gone? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Both Reimu and Marisa look just about ready to kick his ass, but Shinki gets in front of them, points at Shinki, and says "you rude little runt! You'll pay for calling me a hag!"

The boy takes a fighting stance, and says "I didn't call you a hag, I called you old! Where's Alice and Garrote?"

Shinki raises an eyebrow, and says "I don't know about no Garrote, but my Alice is fine. I haven't done anything to her!"

"Don't give me that crap!" rudely replies Shinki. "You already sent Alice to another dimension once, so what's stopping you from doing it again? Did you end up shoving them up your ass? Because I kind of don't doubt that you did!"

"Ooooooohhhhh~" growls Shinki while shivering with pure rage.

Marisa stares at Shinki, and says "oi, calm down!"

Reimu gets closer to Shinki, and waves her arms around while furiously cooing.

Shinki glares at Marisa, while Shinki glares at Reimu, then they both say "**he/she started it!**"

Shrine maiden and ordinary witch face palm, groan, then Shinki says "oh, don't give me that!"

The human girls look at Shinki, then back at Shinki, who says "you know what? Screw procedure!"

Shinki lifts his hands and two blue-flamed versions of them appear above each, while Shinki raises her hand and prepares a ball of pure white energy.

Rika yips as she summersaults in the air, lands on Shinki's back, successfully flattening him against the hard ground, and angrily says "Katsura Shinki from Touhou Chronicles, I am appalled! To think you'd actually enter this fiction and act so discourteous! I should spank you right here and now, mister! Too bad your mother, _Etherdrone_, never gave you a good spanking! You REALLY needed it!"

The boy groans as he lifts himself off his chest, looks up at the maid, then exclaims "the fuck? Rika! ? Rika Onkamikami? So... Wait a second, am I in that pissy Sukima-verse... thing?"

The maid steps hard on the boy's back, making him groan, then says "careful. This is my home. Well, you're in a spin-off of my home. Heck, I'm even out of character here. But how the heck did you get into this fiction?"

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" exclaims Shinki. "Rika, sweetie, you know this rude jerk? How?"

The sweet and angelic maid giggles, then says "oh, we've had our encounters at the 'Let's Danmaku' forums and chat. Willie's a little hazy about the encounters there, since it was due to papa Snapshot, but yeah, that's where I met Mister Shinki."

"Do you want me to get you a ladder to get off my fucking back?" groans Shinki from the ground.

Rika kicks his back one more time, then angrily says "that one was for calling mom a 'hag', you. She's beautiful, and you know it!"

She finally gets off the boy, helps him up, and after he dusts his shirt and pants, he looks around and begrudgingly says "fine, I get it, I'm sorry. Look, not to be rude, and by that I mean I want to be as rude as inhumanly possible, but I don't want to be stuck in this stupid world of yours, so... Get me out of here pronto, please."

A gap opens up under the boy's feet, and gravity immediately does its wonderfully lovely duty of pulling said boy in like some ravenous animal sucking on a tiny meal.

As soon as he starts falling, he screams out loud "Whoa!- **THANK YOU****, YUKARIIIIIIIII!**"

The moment that gap closes up, Reimu reaches to the air with her gohei, swings it to her left, then Yukari is forced out of her gap with a large lump on the head.

She holds her head in pain as she cries "uuu! You didn't have to hit me! It was just him and that Ryan boy, I swear."

The tiny dog Ail walks into the scene, looks up at the girls with those black, shiny, puppy eyes, then they all scream (except Reimu, of course) "**MUNCHKIN~!**"

The little dog yelps as he runs away from the loving embrace of Shinki, Yukari, Marisa, Reimu, AND Rika. (That lucky bastard!)

* * *

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Orin, who wears black tights under a dark-green leotard, which accents her gorgeous woman figure to the point of making her look desirable, is currently sneaking around with her wheelbarrow on hand, in hopes of finding interesting corpses in that demonic ship.

So far, she's found nothing, but she's not about to leave empty-handed, and is prepared to improvise if needed; and so she reveals a massive bat with several rusty nails on its tip.

She spots Sara, whom is currently stretching up, bending down, making that delectable leotard ride up her... body, stars glitter in the kasha's eyes, and a bloodthirsty grin and glint quickly escape her.

She walks closer to her target, silent but quickly, raises her weapon of choice, then SWINGS with all her might.

Not only have her hands become lighter after the swing, but the satisfying sound of thunking wood on cracking skull is sorely missed, and now the oblivious Makaian sighs as she cleans the sweat off her forehead with a small towel, and walks away while saying to herself "time for a delicious, well-earned lunch."

The kasha looks at her hands and misses the bat she was supposed to be holding, so she looks behind herself, and snarls at the source of her failure.

The RKNS has that bat on its little claws, and is giving Orin the deadliest stare ever, which she returns in kind.

"Alright, you bloody feathered moron. You either return my toy, or I swear to Hell, I am going to rip you into bite-sized pieces, and eat you, bit by bit while watching Ail and Kyo attempt to act a scene!"

The challenge is set, the life bars appear above the two combatants, then a chocking, manly voice with a funny accent says "Round One. FIGHT!"

Orin swings her wheelbarrow sideways, the little sparrow jumps, er ...sorta hovers above it, then he swings that nailed bat and strikes the weapon out of the cat girl's hands.

Over at the distance, out of the scene, there is that loud clunk of that wheelbarrow's hitting something, accompanied by Byakuren's screech and cry "WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?"

He drops on the ground shortly after dropping the bat, places his wings on the ground as he winds back, then launches himself, full-speed, toward the dear kasha's stomach.

While she's airborne and her life bar shrinks a bit, he somehow grabs her, turns her around, grabs her legs, then forces her to dive face-first to the floor.

After the impact, she manages to push herself off the ground with her hands, performs an awesome flip kick that hits the bird on the beak, then she lands back on her feet, grinning as she watches the bird's life bar shrink a tiny bit.

The RKNS lands on the floor, unleashes his held-up power and tweets furiously, a large image of himself appears next to him, then he launches himself toward the stunned kasha.

He becomes a beam of brown light that hits the girl on the stomach, then chin, grabs her arm and twists it back until it cracks, kicks her on the back, rapidly flies in front of her and kicks her chest upward, and while she's airborne again, he flies from every direction possible to him at blinding speeds, striking the poor girl until her life bar is all red.

Orin's scream echoes four times before her body hits the ground, the voice says "YOU LOSE!", and as she lands on her back, the little sparrow stands back on the ground and makes a really cool pose as he winks forward.

Rin manages to hop back on her feet again, points at the bird threateningly, the voice says "Round Two. FIGHT!", then says "you won't catch me off guard again!"

She rushes toward the bird, uses her entire body to throw a punch, miss, a second punch, miss, flip-kicks, miss, then the nimble bird counters with a quick uppercut to the chin.

As soon as she hits the ground, the Rabid Sparrow flies up to the sky, then quickly dives down on her stomach, twirling his body like a drill and draining her life bar all the way to the middle.

As soon as he's off, Orin flips back on her feet, then cautiously steps away from the bird without taking her eyes off him, while said bird confidently hoppity hops toward her.

She finds her precious bat, quickly bends and spins to pick it up, and with the spinning momentum, she strikes the little bird's body with it so hard, the evil sparrow is sent to bounce hard against the invisible virtual border of their little fight arena, taking a good chunk off his life bar in the process.

The bird is dazed, a good chance to finish him off for good, and the kasha is not one to ignore opportunity, so she goes for him, lifts her bat above her head, then swings it down as hard as she can.

The blunt impact is missing, and as soon as she looks down to see what had happened, her own bat strikes her on the face.

As she rubs her nose, she looks up to the air, where the RKNS has her bat, then gasps in horror when the little monster takes her weapon with both claws, and begs "NO! DON'T!"

The evil bird snaps the thick part of the bat in two, and does so with ease, then drops it on the ground.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Orin quickly drops on her knees to grab the pieces of her bat, and after a sniffle, she cries "my bat! My Precious SP One Forty-Two, Corpse-Creating Model, Version One! **NOOOOOOOOO!**"

While she suffers for her lost item, the vile bird starts to tweet his laughter, and right after hearing that, the thunder-roaring kasha catches fire, stands tall on her two feet, bares her claws, long, sharp, and shiny, and roars "you fucking little waste of life! I! WILL! SHRED! YOUR! SOOOOOUUUUUULLLLLL!"

She swings those claws faster than the speed of light itself, and yet the night sparrow keeps up, and moves accordingly to her strikes, laughing while dodging, and clawing the back of her hands every time he can.

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin's cabin, Byakuren's wheelbarrow-induced forehead bump is being treated by Ichirin, while said monk sniffles and cries "Willie's so mean. Chiyuri was right all along."

Shou, who stands on the Youkhrist's side, smiles sheepishly, a sweatdrop rolls down the side of her head, and she places a comforting hand on the woman, while saying "there, there, it's alright Lady Hijiri. He's picking on the Kasha now."

A giant meatball, fully cooked and sauced, crashes through the left, bounces on Byakuren, taking Shou and Ichirin along, then crashes against the right wall, where it splats to a stop.

Orin is stuck in there with her eyes spinning in place, while moaning "ooouuuhhhhhh~ Beaten by a bird. Shaaaaaaame~"

The gradient-haired woman pops her head out of the meat, and angrily cries "I CAN'T forgive this! It's too much to bare!"

The dazed chibi-neko Yumemi pops her head from the woman's left, and moans "running restaurants shouldn't be this hazardous-nya."

Chibi-neko Ran pops her head out of the meat, looking as fine as if nothing ever happened, and nods thrice rapidly, while humming "HUNHUNHUN!"

* * *

Later, at Mystia's still-closed Unnamed Night Restaurant, chibi-nekos Damien, Yumemi, Miko, and for some odd reason, Damien himself, are currently holding notepads on their hands as they wait for Mystia's orders.

The strict little night sparrow paces left and right, like some sort of drill sergeant, and sternly says "alright, the restaurant will be opening soon. We'll be getting a lot of hungry customers, but to be ready for that, we need..."

She points at the tiny neko Damien, and epically declares "...SUPPLIES: I got the eels and the seeds! Get meat, **NOT BIRD'S MEAT, OR I'LL COOK YOU**, vegetables, and rice! GO!"

He salutes the bird boss with the lively eyes, and with his suave voice, says "as you wish. Oh I'm so honored to work for one such as beautiful as you, yet so POWERFUL and on top! I like it!", then runs away to the door.

Mystia quickly points at chibi-neko Yumemi, and commands "SAKE! We will need TWICE the amount we had last night. We don't want to run out again, GOT IT? It got dangerous without it, it will get WORST THAN THAT tonight!"

The redhead cat shivers at the intensity of her boss, salutes with fear, and cries "I-I'll get them, nyan! Y-y-you can count on me, MA'AM!", then runs away, crying in fear.

Mystia, then, points at chibi-neko Miko, and commands "READING MATERIAL! Some customers like something light to read while they eat! Get at least THREE copies of the newspapers around here, and see if you can find a decent book."

Before the little cat speaks, the night sparrow quickly says "oh, and please, try to avoid that Bunbunmaru crap. It's full of outdated lies!"

Somewhere over the Youkai Forest's skies, Aya groans as she grips her chest tight, and screams "BIIiiiIIIIiiiIIiITCH!", as she spirals head-first to the unforgiving ground below.

Back at the restaurant, the little cat girl salutes her boss, and rapidly says "Me's a get the good stuff, boss-nya~", and rapidly walks away.

Mystia suddenly points at Damien, and loudly declares "you're my MAN-MEAT!"

The boy quickly presents an official-looking piece of paper signed by both him and the bird girl, and neutrally says "you failed to produce Ail, so I'm not. Now tell me what to do, or I'm walkin'"

The girl sighs in disappointment, yet still smiles as she looks away while shrugging, and says "fine. Please clean the tables and the bathrooms. You got three hours, or it's the paddle."

The boy's already ghostly-pale face becomes even paler as he trembles in fear, and in an instant, he's already cleaning two tables at once.

Mystia shoots a naughty glance with an equally naughty grin at the boy, then looks forward, frowns, and says "well, look who's grown. Did you really do it to that poor woman?"

The adult Medicine Melancholy stands before Mystia with a sly smile on her face, wearing a tight black spandex turtleneck with long sleeves, which accent her new, glorious womanly figure, including making her chest look a little bigger than it is, short blood-red shorts that cover just about enough, so that her legs are seen almost all the way up, but not enough to reveal all to the naked eyes, and has brown leather ankle high boots with a wide opening, so that her gorgeous calves remain as exposed as her glorious legs.

On her shoulder is Su-San, whom still holds my USB, and looks a little scared of it, yet doesn't let it go. Seriously, they should.

The sexy blonde smiles at the night sparrow youkai, and says "actually, that friend of Kyo's did this. He did warn me I should return this USB, but... eh, Willie can't do a thing to me while I have it."

Mystia is somehow in her eel cart uniform, and holding a large, steaming pot of sauce on her hands.

She smiles at the sexy woman before her, opens the pot, then Mima springs out of it, grabs the poison woman, pulls her in, and then the pot closes.

The night sparrow looks at Su-San, smiles, and says "come. Follow me. We'll get her back."

And so the bird and the doll make their way to the kitchen, walk past the dual spring doors, place the pot on the counter and continue to the employee bathrooms, they walk to the men's room, walk over to the second urinal, flush it, then Medicine falls from the roof, her hair a mess, her clothes turned around, and with a red lipstick mark kissed on her forehead.

She looks around completely disoriented, muttering incomplete words for at least two minutes, until Mystia finally splashes her with water, and says "that's just the start. Even with his USB in your power, the author's gonna attack. You sealed your own fate with this one."

The blonde shakes her head, pushes her face against the sparrow, and through gritted teeth, asks "what the hell did you just splash me with?"

She backs away from the girl, grabs Su-San and the USB, then sighs and says "hey, Willie, that photo of you lounging on the couch. The one with the stained underwear. Yup. I uploaded that. Keep it up, and I'm uploading this PATHETIC love letter next!"

With that, she hops over the paragraph division, and disappears before I start writing the next scene. (Curse that evil bitch.)

* * *

That afternoon, at Eientei, Mokou is currently tied up with magically reinforced rope and hanging in the center of a magically made volcano that looks just about ready to erupt.

She's kicking around while screaming "when I get out of here, I'm going to kill you, Kaguya! YOU YEAR ME! I'll KILL YOU!", but she's only managing to make herself sick with all the swinging.

On a small stage in front of the mansion, made of bamboo shoots and human hair, are Kaguya, a slightly embarrassed Byakuren, a TREMENDOUSLY embarrassed and pissed off Eirin, Remilia, and one very happy-looking Flandre, all wearing grass skirts over bikini bottoms, each representing their colors, and coconut tops. (Yup... Coconut bikinis.)

We marvel at the sight of plenty perfect peaks (minus one pair) towering over silky valleys, covered by mere tropical fruits, many cute belly buttons, and several smooth curves that spell doom for any man foolish enough to underestimate them and attempt to travel through them.

"Darn it all, Willie," silently cries Byakuren, while Kaguya shoots a venomous glare at a specific point, and says "watch it. My boobs are still plentiful!"

The adult vampires chuckle at the Moon Princess, while Eirin crosses an arm under her chest in order to hide her annoying embarrassment, and to suppress her desire to murder the author.

Mamizou, who stands below the girls and also wears a coconut bikini, though she has three flower necklaces getting in our way, preventing us from seeing those gorgeous mounds well enough, smacks her tail on the ground, making a loud thump that gets the girls' attention, and commands "quiet! We have to start now, before it's too late!"

The girls line up, the tanuki stands below the stage in the very center, and commands "alright. HIT IT!"

To the right of the stage are Tewi, a group of female youkai rabbits, and one really pissed off Kyo, who is wearing a cute and fluffy bunny disguise, all ready to start playing their bamboo-made tropical instruments.

As soon as the music starts playing, and that fast, tropical rhythm gets into the girls' veins, hips start shaking left and right with that rhythm, though they seem to fail keeping up with each other.

The grass skirts flail about, giving all of us a good glimpse at those tight bottoms doing nothing to hold the jiggle from those well-toned, shaped curves and powerful thighs.

The coconut tops shake and bounce quite a bit, but they hold their place, so we won't get to peek at nothing more than what we are already seeing, however, for Mamizou, those bothersome flower necklaces are moving about, allowing us to see her generously large mountains play about, even with their restrains on.

Suddenly, the gorgeous Medicine falls from the sky, also wearing a grass skirt and coconut bikini.

Her generous breasts bounce naturally as she recovers from the shock of the impact, her perfectly toned belly stretches as she straightens up, her smooth, non-doll-like skin shines with silky life, her shoulder-length hair flips about as she shakes her head, then she sighs as Su-San reaches her shoulder and hovers above it.

She looks back at the nervous girls, then says "watch and learn, you idiots! Follow my lead before the volcano eats us all. ...THIS is how it's done!"

The sexy poison youkai snaps her fingers, the music starts to play, and those wonderfully perfect hips start moving around so gracefully, so sexily, so rapidly, and so mesmerizingly, even the women blush as they look at the poison blonde.

"DANCE, YOU IDIOTS!" commands the woman, and shortly after, all the girls start to dance just like Medicine, matching their hip movements perfectly.

The volcano starts to hum happily, the lava within starts to stir, and Mokou furiously kicks around and shouts "KAGUYAAAAA! GET ME OUT OF HERE, DAMMIT! I'M NOT KIDDING. I SWEAR TO THE GODS, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!"

The women ignore the furious cries of the Phoenix girl and continue dancing, disregarding the fact that they are all sweating.

Those glistening drops that expel themselves from their gorgeous pores (even the sexy vampires are affected) grace their bodies as they continue to shake their hips and gracefully move their hands around, and then...

Mokou's bloody scream of pain as the magma rises like a fountain from the volcano cannot be properly described by any means of words available to our world yet, but it's loud enough to cause the music to stop playing, and the women to stop dancing, so that they may all marvel at the sight of the happy volcano devouring its sacrifice.

Know, however, the high levels of profanity spewed out of the immortal's mouth cause the nearby flora to wither, Tewi to giggle like an excited school girl, and Byakuren to cry many tears while covering her ears and reciting rapid sutras.

Kyo is not amused yet, and he still wants to kill someone, just because he's fwuffy bunny suit is giving him an itch.

The volcano, and Mokou, stop their show, everything quickly settles, then the adult Medicine swipes the sweat off her forehead and says "phew. We're safe for another thousand years."

The sweaty women and vampires all jump and cheer excitedly, press their hot, sweating bodies against each other as they give each other many congratulatory group hugs, and finally, the muscled boy in the bunny disguise smiles as he and Aya record and photograph everything with tremendous hand skills, and high-tech cameras that are suspiciously too suspicious.

They even go as far as to raise a free thrid arm to give each other a MANLY thumbs up. (Where those came from, I don't know.)

"**KAGUYA, YOU ******* BIIIIIIITCH! ALL OF YOU! **** YOU ALL! **** YOU TO ***** HELL, AND DIEEEEEE!**"

Mokou rises out of the fire, scorched to the bone, fire rising from the slowly reforming skull, her Phoenix wings spread wider than ever, and now her eye-crosshair is locking on the women on (and off) the stage, and NOT JUST Kaguya.

Every one of them ignore the fact that their coconut tops had tangled during the hug, and start running away, ripping them off themselves as soon as they jump off the stage, though, to our disgrace, that's when several flower necklaces fall from the sky to cover them all (as best they can, I guess).

And so, they all run for their lives as the immortal girl raises her hands above her head to gather up an entire small sun the size of one from Okuu's.

"**DIIIIIEEEEEE**" she screams as she throws the massive ball of fire down to the ground, then she explodes

She is sent flying forcefully toward who-knows-where, screaming curse words of ancient times, which the Suspicious Keine suspiciously recognizes, as soon as poor, dear Mokou forcefully flies over the Human Village.

And so, another peaceful moment in Gensokyo comes and goes, while, for some unknown reason, Koishi is now staring straight into your soul.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere over the skies, poor Iku Nagae, and Hatate Himekaidou fly for their lives (the tengu helping the slow oarfish), away from a strange red, yellow and orange ship made from some sort of gummy material, and that has a pretty pointy tip.

"Can't you, like, go any faster?" rapidly asks the tengu girl.

The dragon messenger whines as she shakes her head, and says "I'm sorry, it's just my thing! I can't be faster than that!"

The crow girl groans silently, then feels something poke her back.

Both girls look behind themselves, scream while their eyes bulge out, then speed up to get away from the ship, which seems to be chuckling with some sort of digital girl's voice as it retracts its gloved mechanical arm.

The girls are now headed straight toward the Myouren Temple, where Nue is currently hiding out along with Koishi and Kogasa.

The undefined one is currently outside, sighing contently while saying to herself "this is the life. While those idiots keep on playing pirates, we are here in peace and away from any trouble."

"...**I'M SO BORED!**"

The girl's sudden outburst startles the karakasa youkai on her right to gasp, and after recovering her breath, she casually says "well, Lady Hijiri said you could go back up there any time you liked."

Koishi is already skipping into the building, humming some odd tune to herself, while Nue keeps looking to the sky, and says "oh, seems my boredom just got dealt with! RUN!"

Before long, even Kogasa springs on her feet and runs back inside only a second before the undefined girl shuts the door and traps her skirt.

The glorious ripping sound rings throughout the whole temple, then the light-blue haired girl's screech of shame causes many heads to turn.

Her lilac panties are now on full display, and even with her attempts to cover her front with her umbrella, her backside is perfectly exposed, and quite visible through the upridden undies.

Unlike Koishi and the lesbian youkai around there, Nue is currently more worried about the large ship chasing the two girls that were leading it to the temple.

When some time passes, and she believes its safe, she slightly opens the door and peeks outside.

There is the giant face of a very thin man wearing shaded square glasses with thin frames and a flat cap on the head, who smiles at the girl and says "BEEEEEERRRRRR~"

The girl rapidly shuts the door with an echoing bang and presses her back against it while she pants.

Her face becomes blue, her eyes become distant and disoriented, and even her heart seems to be trying to escape through her small chest.

"QUIET, YOU JERK! I'm still sexy!" demands the nue youkai while looking at nobody in particular and recovering herself.

Koishi giggles and says "so you saw it," but Nue completely ignores her, gulps her beating heart back to her sma-*glare*-her chest, then slowly gets off the door to open it again, saying "Kogasa, you look!"

The adorable, skirtless karakasa looks outside, smiles, coos, and says "my, I got a new skirt."

And just like that, a skirt flies inside the room through the small crack on the door and wraps itself around the girl, making her giggle cutely, and causing many of the youkai to blow blood out of their noses and faint.

"NO WAY," shouts the undefined one. "There was a huge head out there asking for beer! Grrr~ WHAT THE HELL!"

She opens the door, looks outside then the red, yellow and orange ship shoots through the floor, forcing one screaming Nue through the ceiling at full speed.

The undefined youkai catches up with the other girls, and screams "WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH THAT SHIP! ?"

Iku quickly whines "it ran over Miss TENSHI!"

Hatate snarls and shouts "I tried my best wind spells, but they just, like, bounced right off!"

Nue lifts her finger as she excitedly says "WAIT! I have an idea!"

She raises a miniature version of her trident, the scene seems to freeze in a red mist, then she swings the trident, which grows with every swing, and shouts "HIJIRI," swings it diagonally down and shouts "HIJIRI," lifts it above her head, where it grows to its normal size, and shouts "HIJIRI! HOOOOOOOOOOO~!"

A red beam with a black lotus symbol appears at the tip of the trident, and it expands as it rises to the air, as if following the echo of the girl's voice.

Byakuren falls head-first in front of the sexy youkai girl, crying "I fell down agaaaaaain~", then Mystia flies by, singing "Hi-Ji-Ri- just fell! Chin-chin," at the same rhythm as the theme of some old cartoon show.

Nue looks down toward the falling monk and screams "WHYYYYYYY!", just before that ship flies up her skirt and cannonballs her and the two fleeing girls straight to the ships.

As soon as they are out of sight, the blinds from the ship's cockpit opens up, revealing the smirking Seiga and chibi-neko Ran.

The evil hermit laughs manically and shouts "oh yeah! Taoism, IN! YOUR! FACE!"

The little cat girl nods thrice while humming "HUNHUNHUN", then chibi-neko Damien lifts his head from underneath the control panels, and casually says with that manly suave voice "what a detestable fiend you are."

* * *

At that moment, poor Byakuren sobs and cries as she falls to the unforgiving ground, and this time, there's no bushes or lake water to break her fall.

Not that THAT would hurt her, but she still cries as she says "I know it's just one of those days, but it's just so much at once."

At that moment, Budou and Phredia fly to her, the little bat easily catches the monk and holds her princess style, and as they descent softly, the little girl says "don't worry. Phredia's making me strong. We won't fall, now you can relax."

The Youkhrist looks at the little girl, gasps in surprise, and exclaims "little Budou! *Sniffle* Wha-what are you doing here? I thought I was Willie's target for this chapter."

As soon as they land, Ail gaps a comfortable red chair for Byakuren, where the teal-haired bat sets her, and says with a giggle "he-he. You're safe now. No more bad stuff for Miss Nice Lady Byakuren."

Before the Nice Lady asks, Ail offers her some hot green tea in a green mug, and says "it's ok, you're safe now. Willie got his USB back."

The gradient-haired woman stares blankly at the boy, who smiles warmly, and says "you see, when Medicine jumped off the restaurant scene, she fell in the village of some ponies. There, she got kicked around for using poison to feed the needy, while trying to steal dolls."

Budou jumps up and down, excitedly saying "lemme tell the next part!", to which the dense boy just nods to an gestures her to continue.

"So, she then went to some world called Symph*nia, where some half-elves made her queen, just as she started growing liver spots on her back, grew crow's feet... but I don't know how she did that, and her hair fell off."

She giggles, signaling Ail to continue, who says "so she was blasted out of a cannon onto the Sun, but veered left at Venus and crashed on the Moon, where Yorihime and Toyohime spanked the panties out of her, dressed her in the coconut bikini, and tossed her back here. Yukari was quick enough to snag the USB from her whining hands while she was being spanked, and so... well, now you are safe."

After a moment of absorption, the woman smiles and says "so... he had targeted me because that little girl force him to?"

Ail, Budou and Phredia nod, then Byakuren smiles, sighs with relief, then says "oh my Buddha, that's so good to hear. I thought he hated me. Ah, but now I know."

The dense one creates a large blue dome above all their heads, and before the woman asks, Budou says "just look at the ships. The chapter's done, so you know what's coming now."

And so, form a very, VERY safe distance, the trio watch as the Nue-Iku-Hata-cannonball, and the Foul-Mouth-Moko-Fire Bullet collide in mid air, right in the middle of all five large ships in the sky.

The collision creates a thin plasma wave that cuts all the ships in half as though a hot knife through warm butter, and just because I LOVE being mean, powdered sugar falls an all ships just before they EXPLODE in a beautiful display of fireworks.

It is now raining bits of wood, bamboo, demon glass, and whole lots of girls, and most keep crashing against Ail's barrier, which takes it all on as if nothing has happened.

Just before the rain ends, the boy opens the top of the barrier to allow Kyouko and Orange through.

They fall on each side of Byakuren, who yelps in surprise at first, then coos as she wraps her arms around both girls' heads, then asks "ah, how did Willie know I like petting these two so much?"

Just as Ail opens his mouth to speak, the Moriya Shrine explodes, leaving Sanae, Kanako and Suwako on their backs, moaning while trying to figure out exactly what happened.

* * *

That night, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, the girls sit on their tables, chatting and drinking while they all wait to be served a meal that promises to be unforgettable.

At one of the tables are Remilia, Eirin, Okuu, and Medicine, and all are drinking beer while talking about their hot bodies, and how best to care for them, should they ever want to find a husband.

On the bar are Reimu, Tenshi, Kimi, Kali, Flandre, Orin, and Minamitsu, and all are chatting away and enjoying their drinks, while on the reading tables are Yuyuko, Yukari, Luna, and Ayalina, just to name a few.

And so, after several more minutes, the chibi-nekos, Mystia and Damien all come hauling two large food karts with plates, plates, and more plates of beef curry.

The skilled restaurant attendants zip all over the restaurant with skill and grace, and in just seconds, all the customers have their plates in front of them, steaming, BEGGING to be devoured immediately.

And so, putting the drinks, reading material away, and stopping their chatting, all the girls claps their hands together, and say "**_ITADAKIMASU!_**" at the same time, then dig in.

Happy hums are immediately heard all over the restaurant, including those of the employees, whom have also partaken of the delicious looking meal.

After only one minute of enjoying, Kaguya drops her spoon, fans herself, and says "hey, i-isn't it getting a little too hot?"

Ayalina drops her spoon, gulps, her eyes hide under a dark shadow, then she says "oh shit. This... This is-"

Orin suddenly screeches so loud, the ground trembles violently, and after screaming a ball of flame from her mouth and running away from the restaurant, screaming, Yumemi screams "**oh my gods, IT'S HOT SAAAAAAAUCE!**"

All the girls and the boys, except Reimu, Kimi, Yuyuko, and Tenshi, spring on to their feet, screaming hot flames from their mouths, Flandre screaming "IT'S HOTTER THAN MEEEEEEE!"

At the bar, Reimu pants and fans her mouth a bit, drinks a bit of cold sake, then resumes enjoying her meal contently.

Kimi literally sucks the rest of her plate, reaches for the ones Flandre, Orin, and Minamitsu left, sucks them all clean, then declares "SO ALIVE! Oh my SCALES, this is such a WONDERFUL MEAL! Better than those tasteless fish!"

She rushes after the rest of the abandoned plates, plowing through the chaos of running girls in order to reach those delectable , abandoned meals.

Meanwhile, Tenshi, whose lips are currently bright red, shivers as she takes the next spoonful to her mouth, chews with effort, and after she swallows, she trembles as she says "th-this was m-made by her. I-I can tell... for the taste. I can take it. I can take it!"

Yuyuko reaches the center tables at the same time as Kimi, yet they each devour separate plates, that is, until they reach the last one.

The dragon's face becomes feral as she smiles and says "sorry, CAPTAIN, but that's MINE!"

They each grab the plate from either side, and with a cynical smile on her intense face, the ghost princess says "don't be sorry yet. I'm still here, and I don't plan on simply handing this over."

Sparks FLY out of the girls' eyes and crash just above the curry, and all of this while ignoring the many girls screaming in pain all over the restaurant.

They pull so hard on the plate, that slips out of the hands and flies to the air, then Kimi launches a punch to Yuyuko's face, but misses when said woman bends back, and slaps that arm away.

The ghost princess throws a kick, but the shadow dragon merely flips backward, jumps up, grabs the plate, but now finds herself running on the desperate peoples' heads, away from the princess, who is doing the same.

Kimi has to throw the plate up again to avoid a slap on the chest, but doing so sets that plate perfectly centered on the ceiling's beams.

The world becomes an 8-bit world, and now the pixilated dragon and ghost are jumping on oddly-moving heads they are using as platforms in order to reach the next set of platforms that go up to the ceiling.

Yuyuko is the first to reach them, but Kimi gains momentum and jumps on her head, using the extra bounce to reach the edge of one of the higher platforms.

The ghost princess snorts, closes her 8-bit eyes, then starts to fly up, passing by the shadow dragon that shakes her fist at her.

And so, the world becomes normal the moment both women reach the ceiling beams, and now find themselves balancing on them.

There it is, the plate, right between them, mere ten steps away from either hungry woman.

Kimi grins, moves rapidly forward, while Yuyuko covers her mouth with her fan and casually flies toward the delicious meal.

They both reach it at the same time, and the dragon throws a kick the ghost blocks with a surprisingly well-placed arm block.

The stunned orange-haired girl has her foot caught by the pink-haired black hole's hands, and is spun in place several times by the giggling woman.

Kimi lands gracefully on her other foot, smiles, then throws a kick at Yuyuko's face.

The princess dodges with ease, then both girls slip from the narrow wooden platform, and find each other hanging from the beams.

Rumia flies by, looks at the plate, asks "is that so~?", then proceeds to eat it all in one quick gulp.

Both dragon and ghost whine as they watch their delicious meal get eaten by someone else, but feel some form of satisfaction when the blonde's lips quickly turn a bit reddish, and she asks "is this hot?"

Meanwhile, inside the kitchen, that familiar, sinister giggle rings all over the walls as the sound of bubbling food being mixed with a metal ladle in a pot waves around.

Her glowing red pupils shine as she chuckles more sinisterly, then Dark Rika sighs contently, looks at the lovely purple bottle that reads "VOLCANO SAUCE" (written in her own handwriting), and says "this should teach all these ruthless tomboys to behave more like women. If they don't though... Well, I can always apply a little bit more pressure on them."

The pulls the ladle out of the curry mix, sips it and smacks her lips, smiles contently, and says "what lightweights these people are. I say it needs more than just a drop of the sauce."

That's when she hears the delighted cooing from Reimu as she finishes her meal, the dual spring doors burst open when poor Damien rushes inside to reach the employee's bathroom, and she sees that lovely face smiling so contently, it would make an angel smile along.

In a sudden poof, Dark Rika becomes the angelic Rika again, and her new ahoge pops up like some cartoon flower in spring.

The sweet girl sighs, looks at the sauce on her hand, gasps, then exclaims "oh no, what have I done?"

She grabs her dark sword, and shouts "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! ?"

She rushes out of the kitchen, screaming "Miss Mystia, Ladies, I'm so sorry! I'M SORRY EVERYONE!"

And so, ZUN'S face appears again on the kitchen ceiling, stares at the volcanic curry, then looks toward a specific point, as though staring at someone's soul.

The scene fades to black, then the Suspicious Keine, Reisen, adult Medicine, and Nitori, all appear in the middle of darkness, all wearing coconut bikinis with grass skirts; the Moon Rabbit looking exquisitely embarrassed about it.

Those enviable coconuts clinging so perfectly on those glorious mounds, those wonderful curves and cute belly buttons exposed, those wonderfully silky skins almost fully bare, and those gorgeous legs spreading as the girls prepare themselves, leaves our hearts beating fast as we wonder "how the hell are we still alive after all these fanservices?"

All four start to move their hips perfectly and their arms around so elegantly, then the surprisingly generous-breasted kappa looks to her right at the rabbit, and cheers "come on rabbit girl whom I can't seem to recognize! SMILE! You look WONDERFUL!"

"I don't like this kind of exposure," cries the unknown and embarrassed rabbit.

Medicine grabs the back of Reisen's top, and angrily says "smile, or I'm pulling it off!"

After the light-purple haired forces her smile, the Suspicious Keine stops shaking her gorgeous body just as they all start to sweat, then says "hey, don't be rude to that unknown girl! It's not nice!"

All the girls stop dancing, looks at the silver-haired woman with the blue highlights, then hug each other tight, pressing those sweaty bodies together in fear, as all cry "**she's so suspicious!**"

The history teacher smiles, a full moon appears in the background, her hair highlights turn green, and right after her vicious smile comes accompanied by those long horns, she sinisterly says "someone wants to get CAVED!"

The scene turns black, and now girls are screaming.

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Budou, Phredia, the RKNS, Kimi, Kali and Ayalina, were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All references belong to their due owners.

Special guests appearance by:

Ryan Randa, from _Average Joe in Bullet Hell_, a fanfiction written by _Magnificent Sasquatch_.

Katsura Shinki, from _Touhou Chronicles_, a fanfiction written by _Etherdrone_.

MAR 24 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

With the collaboration from Magnificent Sasquatch and Etherdrone.

* * *

**A/N:**

**And so, another 'Almost Pirates' chapter is up. Surprised about the fanfictions references and collaborations? I hope you were. I promised Kogasa some surprises from this chapter. I want to thank them (Etherdrone and Sasquatch) for allowing me the honor of presenting their characters here, and for giving their characters the life they deserve. Seriously, read those two fictions. They are GOOD! They are DEFINITELY worth reading from start to finish (but they haven't ended yet... but you get what I mean). Anyway, just go, read them, enjoy them. Oh, and Snap, thanks for suggesting that epic fight scene at the end. Though small, I think it filled that void in my heart.**

**Anyways, I think I was far too nice to Medicine after all she put me and Byakuren through. Still... it's not like this is the last Pirate's chapter (will that day ever come?), so I have PLENTY of chances of targeting her. Anyways, I tried to be as random as possible, but at the same time, I think I wasn't as random as only _I_ can be. Still, it's a nice chapter with good fancervice and nice laughs. Oh, and I don't think I'll be picking on Byakuren again anytime soon (other than put her through some random falls off the ship). BTW, ZUN is watching us. He can see into our SOOUUUULLLLSSSSSSS! Until next time!**

**Oh, and before I forget (even though he'll NEVER read this)! Congratulations on your wedding, ZUN! May your married life be blessed, and your Touhou girls be forever loved!**


	12. Chapter 12

Everything is completely black; there's absolutely nothing to see; that is, until Sanae comes running from the right, hurriedly exclaiming "sorry about that. Was just in the toilet!"

What looks like a door hidden in the darkness opens up as fast as Sanae runs to it, letting bright light shine through, and as she jumps out of that light, Kanako, whom sounds kind of echoed, says "really Sanae, you should be more ladylike. You are my shrine maiden after all. You're going to tarnish both our names."

Gensokyo's skies now appears before the green haired girl as she flies with grace, beauty, a sexy bust, and without wings, when Suwako's echo-y voice says "hey, she's **my** shrine's maiden, not yours. And she's my granddaughter to boot, so if she wants to potty mouth a bit, let her. It tingles the tongue."

"Excuse me," softly calls Sanae as she starts shooting fairies out of the sky with blue bullets that fly out of her gohei, somehow...

"And there she goes again," angrily sighs Kanako. "It's because of you that she's having trouble with the locals lately. You need to restrain her now, before she gets too old and starts making mistakes."

"I'm right here," softly calls the girl as she now shoots Marisa, and easily blasts her out of the sky. (Poor girl screams as she falls head-first to the ground...)

"Oh yeah?" challenges Suwako. "Well she already has boobs, you snake, so it's already too late for that. Heck, she even got a boyfriend she's willing to defend to the deaths of us."

"Guys~" impatiently calls Sanae as she twirls once in the air, dives through a valley while taking out fairies all over the place with awesome grace and beautiful skill... Uh, wait...

"Gee, I wonder where she got those tanks from? It certainly wasn't from YOU, stretchy-tongue-long," playfully says Kanako while making an odd bouncing sound.

"Helloooo~" calls the slightly aggravated girl, while pinching the unaware Nitori's butt while flying by the riverside. (The little kappa even yelps like she's had that bun ripped off with a vice.)

"Oh! That's it, bubble-butt hag! I'm teaching you some manners!", angrily shouts Suwako.

"**You're older than me, rusty boobs!**" roars Kanako.

"**GUUUYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSS!**"

Sanae's furious outburst causes the scene before her to turn purple, then countless white talismans rain down from the clouds and obliterate every fairies, youkai, tengu, kappa, and hermits from the sky.

Once the scene is completely clear, and the goddesses have quieted down, the shrine maiden asks "could you please tell me why am I flying around the Youkai Mountain with a crosshair I can move with my stylus right in front of my eyes?"

Kanako's translucent image appears to the girl's left, holding her arms up defensively while saying "easy there Sanae. The author might get in trouble for copyright infringement."

Suwako's translucent image appears to the right with her hands crossed, and says "nah. He's not using names or actual scenes or music from the game, so he'll be fine."

Sanae grabs both large goddesses' images by the chest of their shirts, while SOMEHOW still shoots at the fairies and youkai that look like white wolves, pulls on those shirts to knock both goddesses' heads together, then asks "again I ask, what am I doing?"

After rubbing her head, the goddess of wind says "right. Well, it appears Ail has been chosen as a sacrifice for the ghost princess. You are taking down her ship in order to rescue him."

"Heheheh, she's probably eating the boy right now," jokingly adds the little blonde goddess of nature.

The blue haired woman takes her breath to speak, but Sanae is now a glint in the far sky, so she and the froggy girl are left on their own to stare in awe at the deadly, determined shrine maiden.

That busty, demon-like girl is already flying around the Unnamed Ghost Ship, and is shooting everyone, and EVERYTHING in sight, while roaring "GIVE ME BACK MY AAAAIIIILLLLLL!"

Meanwhile, inside the captain's quarters, Yuyuko, whom wears a light-blue robe; which is only mere inches from slipping off her glorious mounds and shoulders; crawls on her bed, ignoring the blasts, screams, and the chibi-neko Yumemi staring at them from the background, and seductively says "now then, it's time to eat my most favorite human boy~"

Ail lies on the woman's queen-sized bed with his wrists and ankles tied up to the four edges of said bed, and is wearing the ridiculous moonlight swim trunks, dog paws and dog ears attire while looking around in confusion, and with tears in his face and hyperventilating, asks "but I thought you liked me. Why are you eating me?"

The ghostly princess giggles playfully, places her hand on his bare shoulder, and softly says "don't worry. I won't bite too hard."

The boy smiles and sighs with relief, and calmly says "oh-ho-ho, I see. Phew. I thought I had made you angry and you wanted reven-"

And then it hit him like a washtub to the face, and exclaims "WAIT! IF YOU DO THAT, WE'LL BOTH DIE!"

TOO LATE!

The walls of the room explode, revealing Sanae on the other side with her arms crossed under her ample chest and with fire in her demon-like eyes.

She looks at her man in that outfit, angry hearts start floating around her, then she coldly says "either return him to me now, or I'm banishing you beyond the void."

Yuyuko giggles as she stands back up, adjusts her robes so they're back in their place, butterflies of death start flying around her, then Youmu casually calls "Lady Yuyuko~ I made breakfast. And I made those peach-filled dango you love so much."

The ghost princess is already out the door when she says "you two have fun~ I'm eating me some breakfast now. Please clean the sheets when you're done~"

Ail looks to the door and asks "wait, what are you-" but the pink-haired woman is gone, so he turns to Sanae, asking "what was she taking ab-" but his mouth malfunctions and stays open when he gazes on his woman, who now wears a thin, opened, semi-transparent sleep robe while giving him a dirty, hungry look.

She smiles at him, giggles while waving her hand, then sweetly coos "just a second, Ail-kun. Just need to take care of something."

She turns around just as the wind forces her robes wide open, doesn't fully uncover her, yet still gives her man a glance at that glorious full moon of hers, raises a large bow that looks like it's made of blue blades, a magical arrow appears on a string of pure light, then she shoots that arrow toward the Youkai Mountain.

She turns around, pays chibi-neko Ran for fixing the wall in one of Ail's eye blinks, and says "you did a wonderful job. I'll call you guys again next time."

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly replies the little blonde cat while nodding, then walks away to the door.

The hungry-looking shrine maiden slowly makes her way towards her blushing boyfriend, then seductively says "please be gentle."

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" cries Ail after realizing the non-canonical predicament he is in.

Meanwhile, at the Moriya Shrine, the two wounded, burned and pained perverted goddesses lie on their backs, while Budou and Phredia sit on their stomachs, then the little bat youkai smashes the TV screen they were using to spy on Sanae and Ail to bits with a screech, then angrily says "gramma and big sis are just too dirty. We have to wash their eyes with soap for this!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly hums the nodding chibi-neko Ran, taking the crying, frustrated Phredia's lines with that interruption.

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Sakuya, Koakuma, and Patchouli are working on a sickening glowing green potion inside a large cauldron, and the purple magician with the tattered robes is currently mixing the concoction with vigor.

"And you are certain this will bring them back?" sighs the silver haired maid with a tone of concern.

The purple-themed girl hastens her already hasty efforts in mixing that disgusting liquid well, and says between swings "I. don't. care. if it. fixes them. or poisons them! I DON'T! WANT! ANY! MORE! OF THAT LUST OF HERS!"

Sakuya looks at the dull and saddened little devil, and says "if you try to poison them, I'll have to stop you, so you better make sure it's safe," and while looking at the redhead devil, she asks "and what's the matter with you? You seem kind of... off today."

Koakuma looks at the maid with a dull and empty smile, and says "Lady Patchouli put an unerotic, anti-lust spell on me. I beg of you, please, **kill me**."

"Don't you DARE," quickly barks the angry magician. "If she revives, the spell will be broken, and I don't want ANOTHER incident like last time!"

"There will be no plotting, nor any killings of any kind! What's going on here?"

"That elegant, charismatic, sexy, mature voice that makes me want to go to the depths of hell! MY LADY REMILIA!", says Sakuya as she turns around to face the source of the voice.

The maid and the magician share the same undisguised look of lustful desires when their eyes meet the two adult vampires standing on the door to the miniature (in comparison to the mansion's) library.

Koakuma glances at the two girls beside her with that empty smile, and blandly says "I can't feel it. I try, but I just can't feel it. Please, I can't live like this. Someone kill me."

Flandre Scarlet wears a simple, yet elegant red dress with spaghetti straps that covers JUST below her upper thigh, a pair of OBVIOUSLY misleading black lycra short shorts, a simple, yet bust-augmenting black push-up bra, a red wrist cuff with pink frills on each wrist, and a cute red armband with a pink frill facing down the arm.

Remilia Scarlet wears an elegant, long-sleeved lavender dress that covers just below her upper thighs, the shoulders have been deliberately pulled down to show off her perfect shoulders and collarbones (and give some room for her wings to spread out of), what looks like a black bra with thick straps, black cotton short shorts, and a pair of socks with solid bases under the feet, that reach up to her thighs.

Note that both girls ARE wearing their mop caps as usual, but with these new outfits... it's pretty hard to notice those.

The grown-up mistress sighs as she lifts her right arm while asking "what's going on here Patchouli? What's with that garbage you're making there?", then looks at Sakuya, smiles, and says "oh, and this isn't a bra. I'm wearing a swimsuit under this. Quite comfortable."

The well-endowed blonde chuckles mischievously, and says "don't worry anymore, Patchy. I'm no longer in heat, so you can end your little experiment."

She suddenly giggles mischievously, then says "but I can always play with you, if you like."

Koakuma is currently beating herself on the forehead with an iron pipe, repeatedly saying "wake up. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP!"

Sakuya twitches and breathes through her mouth, and keeps failing her attempt to form words.

Patchouli remains with her mouth wide open, her eyes STILL unable to hide the arousal she's feeling, and she quickly follows that with a blushing face, and a momentary, but violent stream of blood that blows out of her nose and falls right into her concoction.

Sakuya's eyes hide under a dark shadow as she FINALLY manages to ask "m-ma-ma-ma-My Lady? Wh-where did you get those *gulps* gorgeous clothes?"

Remilia and Flandre smile, both do a turn-around to show off their sexy new outfits, both revealing their backs are almost fully bare, then the Mistress says "you like? That suspicious shop-keeper sold them to us. Made by Rika too, so we can even go out in a storm if we wanted to."

That turn-around ignites Patchouli's inner muscle girl, and she starts to mix her potion with twice the fervor as before, while dripping more blood from her nose into it, turning it brown.

Sakuya's body paralyzes, her nose blood stops short from spilling to the floor, and her eyes glow with shocked intensity.

Koakuma starts rubbing her body in many places I won't show or tell you about, shouting "dammit all, FEEL SOMETHING YOU," yet only smiling emptily while crying twin-waterfall tears.

Noticing the many reactions, Flandre's evil, vile, detestably wanted, charmingly unavoidable, and naughty grin widens, making the maid and magician heat up a bit more, and to add fuel to the fire, she decides it's time to up the game a bit.

"Onee-sama, it's Ail with his wings exposed," exclaims the blonde, causing her sister to turn around while excitedly asking "AIL? Where? Where is he! ?"

Though Sakuya is suddenly feeling murderous, she will like what comes next, regardless of the boy's name being used to arouse her Mistress.

Flandre quickly slips her hand under the lavender dress' bottom, grabs the short shorts from behind, pulls them up hard, causing Remilia to gasp and moan uncomfortably, and for those pants and swimsuit to ride up those gorgeous meat buns, then smacks her sister's butt, exclaiming "that's it, you pervert! That's the way!"

She smacks the light-blue haired girl twice, thrice, causing that girl to scream and moan out loud, and...

Patchouli breaks the large mixing rod she was using due to a sudden jerk from her elbows, falls into the experiment, which is now chocolate, for some odd reason, and smiles and says "such beautiful sight," as she lets herself sink into the sweet concoction.

Sakuya's nose becomes a jet stream of blood that sends her flying backward several feet, and eventually breaking a hole on the wall, which leads her straight to the Land of Innocent Bunnies and Sweet Children's Songs.

Well, that world is now tainted but the maid's lust. Let's carry on.

Koakuma's eyes intensify, she bites her lower lip until she bleeds, she can feel her blood becoming hotter and hotter, as though lava is rising from her feet and going up to her head, and without caring for the fact that the furious Remilia is scolding and punching a giggling Flandre with defense-arms up, she lunges toward the well endowed vampire mistress, tackling her to the ground.

Cute and sexy moans and screams, PLUS pleas for release from the little devil's grasp by the sexy Mistress, cause a satisfied smile to grace the blonde vampire, whom turns around, and leaves the room after a job well done.

* * *

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri enjoys her second chapter free from mishaps from me by wearing a small blue bikini and exposing her new, slightly larger breasts, her perfect butt, and soaking up as much sun as possible, getting a nice and healthy tan.

Just look at those sexy curves going up her thighs, that round bottom resting on that lucky reclining pool chair, those cute hips and belly button exposed due to the lack of clothing, the cute, somewhat perky breasts taking the sun itself by surprise, and those silly and adorable twin tails that make up her childish hairstyle. (She's gonna kill me when she reads this part *trollface*)

About twenty feet away, hiding behind a cannon, Yumemi and Agava peep on their blonde captain wannabe with a pair of binoculars each, and both drool and pant with anticipation.

"Damn. That apprentice of mine *slurp* looks REALLY good. I want to do things to her again, even if she is no longer a D cup!"

The shadow girl stares at the redhead with a thumbs-up and a smile, and says "lovely statement, but remember that you are with ME now, so we share the loot!"

Yumemi grins, nods, and says "well, of course! I wouldn't be able to fulfill my current desires without your help. Now, you got the ropes, the club, and the 'thing' from that rabbit girl we just can't recognize?"

The dark girl with the bouncy boobs pulls the ropes, a polished metal club, really small outfits that lack either a top or a bottom, and a blurred and jagged-out item we just can't recognize.

The sexy redhead flips her thumb up, and with a very funny, yet serious look on her face, she says "alright, that outfit is a good addition. Let's move in for the kill."

And so the girls move forward with their plan to do stuff to Chiyuri, Yumemi leading the way, that is, until a tower of fifty pizzas falls from the heavens on to her hands.

"WHY THE HELL PIZZA! ?", furiously exclaims the redhead as she attempts to keep the delicious tower of cheese, sauce, pepperonis, peaches, and many other ingredients, from falling to the floor.

Agava flies up to the top of the tower after dropping the lewd items, grabs the steaming supreme pizza; with shiny melted cheese on top of sliced onions, peppers, grinded meat, red onions, red sauce, and steaming with perfectly hot flavors; that's below the fourth pizza from the top of the tower down, then casually waves at the redhead while saying "this is my cue to leave you alone now. Take care."

"No, wait!" shouts Yumemi in distress. "I WANTED THAT SUPREME PIZZA!** HEY! COME BACK HERE WITH MY PIE!**"

"You can have your Chiyuri pie instead!" shouts the shadow youkai back at the distressed girl.

And now, thanks to the disturbance, the tower of pizza is starting to tilt left, so she has to move left.

But then it starts tilting back, so the girl whimpers as she moves back, saving the deliciousness that is the tower on her hands.

The tower stabilizes and Yumemi sighs with relief, smiles after (somehow... don't ask how) spotting another supreme pizza right in the center of the tower, and decides it's time to end the shenanigans, and claim her new prize.

She bends down and safely places the delicious tower on the floor, drools with anticipation as she straightens up, takes a step back in order to admire the manner in which she'll claim her prize, and then "whoops," she slips on the blurred out item.

The thing, whatever it is, starts beeping as it stuffs itself right in the center of the tower, right where the supreme pizza is, then the beeping gets faster.

"Oh, you have got to be *****ing kidding me," says the redhead to herself only seconds before ducking and covering.

The beeping gets faster and faster, until the pizzas explode, sending countless, perfectly, shiny melted cheese triangular slices, flying all over the sky, like some delicious danmaku, and soon after, the girls from the other ships can be heard exclaiming their delight at the pizza shower.

"NOOOOOO! My supreme!" cries out Yumemi while looking around the starboard (right) side of the ship, watching as how even Chiyuri gets a slice of pepperoni AND extra cheese pizzas, and exclaims "pizza? In Gensokyo? AWESOME!"

Yumemi whimpers while hearing the many hums of delight from the feasting girls, drops on her knees in despair, then cries "but I wanted pizza too! It's been ages!"

A pair of steaming slices of chicken and supreme pizzas fall right in front of the weeping redhead, and taking quick notice of the miracle, she looks up to the sky and exclaims "THANK YOU KANAKOOOOOOO~!"

The girl quickly grabs the slice, opens her mouth, chomps down-

At heaven, Tenshi looks down from the window of her kitchen, and says "see Iku? I told you they were safe! Even the youkai are eating them, and they are just fine. Now EAT!"

The oarfish youkai, who sits on a small square table to the left of the kitchen, groans irritably, and angrily says "fine, fine, I'll try your peach pizza!"

Tenshi explodes with so much force, Bahva-Agra rattles violently, and Iku, who is SOMEHOW already out of danger and in the air, takes a bite out of her pizza, then exclaims "OH MY GOODNESS! Miss Eldest Daughter, you should open up a restaurant!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at Marisa's house, somewhere in the Forest of Magic, the blonde witch is diligently studying a book in her desperate attempt to finally learning how to control her Master Spark's direction.

It is obvious she's been losing sleep over this, as the black rings around her eyes reveal this much to anyone with a working brain.

"Grah! But if I do that, I'll burn my hand. Dammit, I just don't get this!"

While the girl groans, grumbles and complains to the book, Koakuma silently sneaks in through a window at the living room right behind Marisa, who totally fails to notice the magical shift from her defenses being dispelled.

The little devil stares at the back of the witch's head for a few seconds, then looks around the piles of stolen items that is that blonde's house, then says to herself "well, might as well try the second floor first. Oh, wait."

And as if waiting for her arrival, set in one of the neatest piles in the entire derelict mess that is that house, are many of the books that were stolen from the library.

Not only are they in such a neat pile they look out of place, they are also set under a looting sack, and that sexy devil quickly recognizes the vile sack as the one used to loot those books from under her own nose.

With a smug smile on her face, the cute redhead picks up the sack, wraps it neatly around the books, hums a tune as she ties the end into a tight knot, then easily lifts the loot over her back and says "wow, this was a whole lot easier than I thought."

"Hold it RIGHT there, flappy-head!"

Koakuma's small head-wings start flapping rapidly as she turns around to meet with the angry witch's face, chuckles nervously, and says "my, Marisa, what a surprise finding _you_ here."

The black-and-white chuckles dangerously, then threateningly says "put. my books. down, or I'm barbecuing your head."

The little devil rummages through her right pocket, pulls out a strawberry paste filled doughnut with hard chocolate icing, shiny sprinkles, drizzled dark and white chocolate squiggles, and a crunchy red heart chocolate adorning the center, then waves it in front of the witch and says "here you go girl. Bark. Bark for the doughnut."

Like magic, the blonde's attention falls on the shiny, fruit-filled doughnut, and like an obedient dog, she barks and pants for the deliciousness.

Koakuma grins, lifts the doughnut, and says "you want it, girl? You want it?"

"...GO GET IT!", she shouts after throwing that delicious treat high to the sky, breaking a hole on the house's wall with said heavy treat.

Meanwhile, Kotohime sneaks through the right corner of the scene, picks up three cute porcelain dolls from the floor on Marisa's house, looks around suspiciously, then pulls herself back into the scene's hole.

Now the little devil flies freely through the sky, while singing to herself "I~ don't really care about that purple bitch! She~ put a nasty curse on me~! But~ lady Remi told me '**GET THOSE BOOKS!**' Then~ she pointed at her breasts and said '**THEN YOU GET THESE!**'

"Kyah~ Once my lady see what a good job I've done, we'll have a great time to-"

The heated devil's dream cloud is busted before the lewd images inside can even take form, and when she looks to the east, she realizes Marisa discovered the spikes inside the doughnut, and is currently enjoying said treat while tossing the last one of the five spikes on her hand, and catching it as it falls.

"Thanks for the treat," says the witch in a dangerous tone before eating the rest of her doughnut in one last bite.

"Now then, time to teach you not to mess with Marisa Kirisame, you perverted little demon who's looking for another sealed-lust spell PLACED ON HER!"

The adorable devil lowers her head-wings and screeches as she raises her hands defensively, while Marisa throws the now magically-charged spike, then a chicken flies by, cheering "I can fly~", but then it screams as it falls down the second that spike touches it.

The blonde and redhead stare as the chicken falls to the ground and explodes upon touching Alice's house; and by the way, the poor blonde is screaming her head off; then Marisa's face turns red with rage just before creaming "**what the **** hell was THAT ***** ***** ******! DAMMIIIIIIIIT WIIILLIIIIEEEEE!**"

Koakuma isn't sure what to do now, and whimpers nervously while Marisa keeps spewing such gorgeous flowers and hearts out of her mouth.

The witch recovers herself, her face becomes slightly pink due to her still being mad, yet more calmly says "you're lucky stride ends now, demon girl," pulls her Hakkero from beneath her hat, then more angrily says "I'm a-ROASTING your head off! Love Sign, Master SPAAAAAAAAAARK!"

Little chicks, a rabbit, some red 'P' tabs, a rice ball, some tempura, and one confused Futo, are the things that fall out of that octagonal wooden object, popping like popcorn as the item spews its last 'P' tabs.

Mystia, Cirno, chibi-neko Sanae, Maribel and a fox youkai, all point at the witch and hold their sides while laughing out loud and hard.

Both witch and devil stare in disbelief at the failed laser, completely ignoring the laughing audience, Marisa's eyes get covered with a black shadows, and in a very tired and dangerous undertone, she says "I can't ****ing believe this shit. It just can't be helped then. I supposed I can always kill you with my bare hands."

The blonde roars as she winds her broom back for what promises to be a most painful, bone-breaking tackle for Koakuma, but then a washtub falls on the angry girl's head, then Alice flies from behind and kicks Marisa's butt right back to the sky, and shouts "and don't you throw a chicken at me again!"

The puppeteer glances furiously at the little devil, nods once, and after a quick 'hmph', she turns around and flies back home, leaving the happy-go-lucky Koakuma with her books to take back home to Remilia.

* * *

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Shanghai and Hourai board the mentionend ship from the front, and quickly slip unnoticed behind a sign that reads "There is Nobody Hiding Behind Here" in blue and green neon lights.

After the tiny girl in blue finishes looking around, the little blonde in red whispers "onee-chan, what are we doing here? Mama Alice is going to be worried."

The older-by-five-minutes sister looks at her little twin sister, and angrily whispers "because the stupid author has been messing with mama and me too much! I want payback!"

Just before the questioning comes, the girl in blue says "he has stuffed me in treasure chests and used me for his lame jokes, has been using mama Alice for really bad and tasteless pranks and skits, and just now, he used a chicken to blow up our house. This has become personal!"

Hourai sighs, but instead of thinking of something to say to sway her sister from her current plot, she, instead, stares behind the blue-dressed blonde as if there's something quite amusing there.

"What? What is-"

Shanghai's question is put on halt when she comes face to face with the ADORABLE little Petal, who is crouched besides the two little girls, and is wearing a light-green tutu with a sparkly skirt, and white tights underneath.

She smiles sweetly at the two little girls, tilts her head slightly to the right, flaps her wings twice, giggles, then says "hi. Play with Petal. You want?"

From the center of the deck, Satori, who looks questionably at her right side light-blue, left side light-yellow sleeveless and legless leotard, turns her attention to the baby raven, and calls "Petal, sweetie, I'm meeting with Miss Shinki now. Please be good," then walks toward the cabin, feeling a bit embarrassed of her current attire, and thinking "_why did they make me wear this?_"

The girl in red is about to accept, but the angry girl in blue is quicker with her reply. "Sorry little girl, but we're not here to play. Please go play somewhere else before you get hurt."

The little girl's eyes become glassy and wide as tears start to well up underneath them, her cute lips wriggle and pout as she starts to hyperventilate in her adorable attempt to stop herself from crying, and to top it all off, she lowers her wings slowly.

"Aww~! Look what you did, onee-chan! She just wanted to play!"

Hourai falls for the adorable trap and bounces off her sister's head to reach the little girl's neck to give her a hug, and as she feels the cute bird girl is calming down, she coos "there, there. I'll play with you, little Petal."

The adorable little raven's entire being shines as she lifts her wings again and smiles with delight while cheering "dolly, dolly girl, play Petal!"

This scene becomes far more evil when Hourai and Petal decide to give each other a warm hug that sends a spark of loving energies flying in all directions.

Shanghai places a napkin on her nose, just in time as the blood starts flowing out of it, while her eyes fail to hide the intensity of the warmness she feels in her own heart, plus, she is now unable to feel her legs.

"Come on Petal. Let's go play house over three," says Hourai while pointing at a dollhouse set placed right next to where Satori and Shinki are.

After hearing her sister make that offer, the blue-dressed tiny girl waves her arms frantically, while whispering "wait, Houraiiii! What about the plan? Houraaaaaiiiiiii!"

After being ignored by two giggling girls, the little blonde drops on her butt with her arms crossed, while muttering angrily "great. Now what am I supposed to do on my own?"

Marisa's scream becomes stronger and stronger, then she falls on her face right next to Shanghai, and a sign that reads "Marisa will fall here. Please refrain from pulling her bloomers off. Seriously, she has this habit of not wearing panties beneath them. Can you believe that?"

The blonde witch groans and rubs her butt as she slowly gets on her knees, looks around the glass-like ship, then says to herself "crap, I'm right where I DON'T want to be."

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

Those words cause the witch to groan in annoyance, hold her face with her hand, and say to herself "this just isn't my day."

The sexy Sara steps closer to the evil blonde, and demands "give me back my magazines, Marisa! I still haven't finished reading the comics, and I want to know what happens to Ail after Sanae caught him cheating with herself!"

The black and white one stares in disbelief at the Makaian guard, then exclaims "you read that garbage? That stuff was written and drawn by a ten-year old for retarded officers in boring villages!"

At the Human Village, Kotohime sneezes, then shivers as she ominously says "someone's making fun of me and my tastes in comics."

Mugetsu comes from behind, rubs the police woman's shoulders, and sweetly and playfully says "take it easy or you'll start growing wrinkles."

The redhead punches the blonde on the face, and at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Marisa is trapped inside a banana peel, Sara has been captured by an ice fairy, Shanghai is wondering if it's possible to divide by zero, and Satori and Shinki stare with terror and disbelief at the mess before them.

Their gaze turns toward the giggle of two girls, and watch as Petal falls to the floor with Hourai patting her head and scratching her behind the ear, making that adorable raven girl twitch and tense the left side of her body, while giggling and kicking her left leg against the hard floor, and flapping her wings very rapidly.

"Tickle-tickle, Petal likes! More, Hourai-Rai love!", says the child with sparkly eyes.

Shinki lies on her hands and knees while sobbing contently "so adorable," while holding her nose in a failed attempt to stop the bleeding, and trembling hard while trying to keep herself from falling unconscious.

Satori, though standing, is unable to move an inch due to her heart stopping so suddenly, and even so, remains conscious while muttering "It's just... impossibly unfair," and just like that, her nose starts bleeding.

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia sits on the couch of the living room, while combing one very happy Koakuma's head with her fingers, while said little devil is contently resting her head on the Mistress' bare lap.

Flandre walks into the room, casually stares at the situation before her, then casually asks "so, she's still mad at Patchy for that lust sealing thing?"

The light-blue haired vampire nods twice and says "yeah. And to be honest here, I'm kinda liking her company. And speaking of Patchouli, how is she?"

The blonde shrugs with a mischievous smile, sighs and chuckles softly, then says "she's now addicted to chocolate, and is doing a pointless exercise to break that addiction. Heheh, but she's getting nowhere, and fast."

At the small library in the ship, the purple-haired magician with a chocolate smeared mouth, is drooling while looking intensely forward, trembling while holding her own lifted right hand back from reaching.

She groans as she forcefully pulls herself back, to no avail, and whimpers and groans "no. Be strong, Patchouli. Don't give in. Don't. give. in!"

In front of her is Sakuya, tied by the wrists and ankles, lying on a table, and covered up to her neck with chocolate, though the chocolate around her legs, up to her thighs, seems to have been recently licked off..

The maid currently flushed and panting steamed breaths while looking lost and sighing "please, Lady Patchouli! Just released me or eat me already! I... I'm going crazy!"

Back at the living room, Flandre giggles and says "Sakuya is trying to help, but seems to me like she's only making things worse."

Remilia holds her chin with her free hand while thinking, then the door to the living room opens up again, and even Koakuma lifts her head to look toward the visitors.

"HIIII! Miss Sakuya, we're here!"

Meiling calls for the maid while holding the shoulders of two very special guests, a pair of guests that have the other three present girls in the room stare with shocked white round and scowled eyes.

Remilia points at the gate guard and asks "wh-ho-er-? WHAT THE HELL?"

Flandre hisses as though having seen hell on Earth, then exclaims "the author is going TOO FAR!"

Both Koakuma and Meiling share the same shocked, white, round eyes, and all they do is stammer stupidly while trembling.

The two little guests with the gate guard happen to be Remilia and Flandre Scarlet, only in their adorably child-like bodies.

The little light-blue haired vampire points at her adult self with a shocked expression and screams "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Is that supposed to be ME?"

The little blonde points at her adult self with a smile, pumps her fists while jumping in the air, and exclaims "YES! I'm still cute when I grow up! AND I'M SEXIER THAT REMI TO BOOT!"

The adult vampires look at each other, Flandre giggles innocently, then says "no, no, it wasn't my experiment. This is all the author's doing."

The sexy Mistress face palms, sighs, then says "well, it's not like this is a canon spin-off to begin with. And not a very sane one either. Ugh, I can feel my brain cells degrading just by thinking about it."

"Tell me about it," says the young Mistress. "Next thing you know, Marisa's going to fall through the ceiling in a stupid banana suit, singing that ridiculous peanut butter and jelly song."

The ceiling makes a nasty crunching sound when Mai falls through it and lands right in the center of the two Flandres' sighs.

She rubs her head and her left wing as she stands up, groans a little, and after finally standing up, she looks up to the hole she just made and shouts "you're going to pay for that, Marisa!"

From outside, the witch shouts back "that's payback for the banana skin!"

"Tch. Dammit, she's right. I made my own bad here," reluctantly admits the girl just before noticing the position she is in.

Both Flandres stare at her unblinking, the adult blonde drooling with a flushed face, and the child one chuckling naughtily.

Mai takes a deep, DEEP breath, then screams as she runs through the wall towards the dark corridor.

Both blondes chuckle mischievously as they give chase, and the adult one says "hope you drank enough water, cuz I'm not making pit stops today!"

"Ditto~" cutely calls the younger Flandre, giggling as their voices and steps fade away.

Both Remilias click their tongues while looking with disgust at the hole made by the poor victim, then the adult vampire says "she just never grows up. Jeez."

"Tell me about it," begins the child vampire. "Even when _feasting,_ she acts like a spoiled child."

Ail, whom has his ethereal dragon wings exposed, peeks his head through the hole on the ceiling, looks around, and asks "hey, have any of you guys seen Sanae around here? ...Oh shit."

Both young and adult vampires spring to the sky after the fleeing boy, the sexy light-blue haired vampire calling "darling, don't run! I'll be gentle, I promise!"

The child-bodied girl sighs and says "come on Ail! I promise, you'll LOVE being the King of the Night!"

Inside the living room, Koakuma and Meiling sit around an elegant table, wearing elegant dresses while elegantly drinking tea, and eating cookies.

The gate guard raises an eyebrow and says "hmph. So undignified."

The little devil nods twice and says "quite. Please ignore them and enjoy your tea."

Chibe-neko Damien serves them another plate of cookies, and with his suave and manly voice, says "enjoy the cookies, my lovely young ladies. They were made special."

At the kitchen, chibi-neko Ran has a bowl of what we SHOULD believe is cookie dough, blurred out and pixilated.

It's sort of greenish and dark purple, it's chanting dark spells, and it appears to be singing dark songs to itself.

"HUN-HUN-HUN," hums the blonde neko after the dough passes out some gas.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin.

"Cirno-chan, are you really sure this is necessary?" asks the cute Daiyousei, whom is currently wearing a pair of goggles over her eyes.

She is sitting on the large rubber band of an even larger wooden slingshot; Suspicious Brand; which is currently aimed at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, where the sailor-girls there have decided to sleep on hammocks inside the cases of an unfinished bamboo cabin.

Only the skeleton of the structure is standing, yet they keep sleeping away inside those squares, as if not having a care in the world.

There's Chiyuri, Yumemi, Renko, Maribel, and Mima, who is sleeping at the bottom center of the unfinished architecture.

Back at the Palanquin, the cocky ice fairy flips a thumbs up at her adorably frightened friend, and says "don't worry Dai-chan. This is totally nece-ness, um, needed, and completely safe. You'll destroy that weak little house and take them all along for the ride! The captain will be happy with us."

The green-haired fairy scratches her chin while looking up in thought, and says "well, I do like rides," then she looks around herself, and asks "so how does this work?"

The ice fairy smiles, and confidently says "it's simple. We wait for the giant gloved hand to come and pull you back."

Daiyousei raises an eyebrow, and with understandable doubts in her voice, says "you know, Cirno, there's only so much you and this weird fat author can get away with."

And there it is, looking eager to do its job behind that cute fairy, the giant gloved hand with a thirst for destruction, chuckling silently to itself, as though ready for mischief.

The green-haired fairy's mouth twists with a sudden grimace, and her eyes becomes two black marbles as she stares at the hand, while Cirno cheers "alright, Dai-chan! Get ready!"

"WAIT!" Daiyousei's pleas fall on deaf ears... and gloved fingers, and that hand grips the rubber band from behind the fairy's butt, and pulls back.

"Cirno, I have a bad feeling about this! Stop this!" cries the great fairy to no avail, and now the hand is taking aim.

"You'll be fine! Now go, destroy that icky house thing!", commands the ice fairy while the hand gives one last pull.

"I changed my mind. Get me out of-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!"

The green haired cutie screams at the top of her lungs as she flies over the house's skeleton, then crashes against a solid, round metallic object in red that's hovering above, falls head first on the left side of what should be the roof, and crushes Chiyuri and Renko underneath the wooden planks, getting five thousand points from each, plus four hundred for every piece of wood destroyed.

Flandre's UFO now has a dent underneath, thanks to Daiyousei's head, but the one driving it is Mai, who looks around and asks "I think something hit us."

Adult and child Flandre are currently tied from head to toe (the adult one having her chest free from ropes), and both look dull, tired, sweaty and covered in shameful fluids, yet the older blonde has the gull to say "ugh! I told you to let me drive! You are bad at this!"

The ice witch chuckles coldly, then says "my, you are in no position to demand anything from me."

They are about to take off, but the angel-winged ice demon stops, looks at the tied-up vampires, and says "I REALLY must thank you for showing me how you were right. Just giving in to my needs has woken something inside of me. Ahh~ Now to take you both home and continue where we left off."

"N-no, please! Not the horsy!" weakly cries little Flan-chan.

"Please, forgive us. We won't try to _eat_ you like that again!" cries the old-looking blonde with despair.

Mai simply giggles as her face flushes, looks at the two girls with starving eyes, and says "nope. I'm not satisfied yet, so you are going NOWHERE, and taking responsibility for this!"

And so, they take off to the distance, just as Cirno is wound back, prepared to finish Daiyousei's noble work.

The confident ice fairy cheers "LET'ER RIP!", then then hand winds her back a little more, and releases her.

"FLY AND KICK HER AAAASSSS!", roars Cirno as she flies fist-first toward the semi-destroyed house-like structure.

She breaks the beam holding what was left of roof together, crushes Yumemi and Maribel under the falling planks, and gets five thousand points for each before crashing against an invisible virtual wall.

The structure keeps collapsing, giving the girls four hundred points for each destroyed wooden plank, however, all pile up above Mima's head and none are able to break through the plank that is her roof.

Cirno pops out of the scene, then a slab with Mima's evil grinning face appears in front of the darkened scene, reading "Loser! I'm still here!"

* * *

Last time, on Tales of the Almost Pirates, Marisa stole Alice's still-beating heart out of the Chest of Yuyuo-Ko, got captured by a pack of little cats with ringed tails, and is now under the care of Eientei, specifically Toyohime, who came over to visit for some tea.

"Hey, none of that stuff ever happened, you jerk," spits Marisa toward the text explaining the story so far, with a furious face.

Toyohime Watatsuki has long, flowing, sandy blonde hair, yellow eyes, and wears a while, long-sleeved blouse under a dark blue dress with a strap on the left only, a lose belt around her waist and hips with a golden mirror buckle, a cute pair of ankle-high boots, and her white bonnet with the red ribbon around it sits on the table, next to the cookies tray.

She stares quizzically at the witch, and asks "who are you talking to, miss black and white witch?"

The blonde snarls at the Lunarian, sighs to calm herself down, then says "to the bastard author of this fiction. He's targeted me today, for some reason, and is making my life a living hell."

The cute and sexy blonde alien coos, giggles while rubbing Marisa's head under that witch's hat, and says "don't be so glum. Just think of him as a desperate, filthy human in need of a girlfriend, and you'll feel better."

A happy, light-blue washtub falls on Toyohime's head, knocking her out immediately, causing her head to hit the table, causing the teacup to fly to the air, causing hot tea to spill all over Marisa's head, causing that witch to scream and roll around on the ground, causing the sky to crack, and Mystia flies by, singing "CHIN-CHIN!"

Now, the well endowed and curvy Lunarian is wearing an indigo bikini with a v-cut bottom, and triangle top cups, and as she wakes up, she rubs her head, smacks her lips, and says "oww, what just happen?"

She takes notice of how exposed her body is, looks around at herself, checks out her own breasts and tests their bounce, firmness and weight, then turns around after letting them bounce against gravity, to look at her slightly exposed butt, admiring how her skin seems to look milkier than ever.

She looks forward with a slightly embarrassed face, smile, coos, then says "oh my, for a disgusting human, you surely got good taste. Hmm... say, can I keep this? I want my husband to see me like this."

Marisa walks by, moaning and groaning, then stands in front of the sexy alien and shouts "**you spilled hot tea on my head, you idiot!**"

The floor cracks underneath the witch, ice-cold water falls from the ceiling, and she screams as she slips-n-slides down the darkness of Eientei's basement.

"What the heck?", questions the witch after ending her screaming. "Why does it smell so bad here? Yuck! Is this coagulated blood?"

Toyohime looks at nowhere in particular, smiles, coos as she sways around, bouncing those glorious pearls of hers all over, and says "thanks Willie G.R.! My dear man will LOVE this!"

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screams Marisa from the basement after some snarls and roars echo outside the hole. "Zombies! Zombie rabbits everywhere! WHAAAAAAAAA~!"

Even the sexy Lunarian can't ignore the many snarls, hisses and roars coming from the basement, and mixed with that human blonde's bloody screams of pain and agony, she can't help by frown.

Marisa jumps out of the hole with a pair of rotten, jagged teeth sunk on her tender butt, shoots a spark into that hole, causing some dirty blood to jump over the opening and fall inside again, then the hole is no longer there.

Toyohime suddenly lifts her arms in the air, making her pearls bounce around with the momentum of the sudden move, then cheers "YAY! The girl is alive!"

The blonde witch grips her own hair while looking at the half-naked girl and screams "**what the hell's the matter with you! ?** Didn't you hear me struggling for my life down there? And now I'm infected by those things! GYAAAAHHH!"

Her scream comes from the fact that the sunk teeth have been removed, and that she's just been injected with the antidote by Eirin, who crosses her arms under her chest to challenge Toyohime's womanly figure, and casually says "stop whining little girl. You're going to be alright. Just stand under the sun for a few seconds and the antidote will cure you completely."

The poor blonde with tears under her eyes rubs her left butt-cheek while walking outside, and whines "why are you keeping those things down there if you have the cure? Aya and Satori are going to be mad."

"What they don't know, won't hurt them," casually says the Lunarian pharmacist with a most endearing smile on her face.

Marisa can feel a chilling sensation coming from that woman, so she immediately turns her face around to look at the ground's gate, and that's when she sees it.

Her face freezes, her eyes almost pop out of her sockets, her pale skin turns even paler, and her breath locks itself inside her lungs.

In front of the gates walks Rumia with her head below her feet, and carrying a sleeping Rika Onkamikami, while reciting the value of pi, and drinking water from a bottle in front of her nose through a hairy straw.

The witch's brain sparks light-blue bolts out of her ears, nose and white eyes, and she falls on her back on the ground, where her dress shatters, revealing a cute black lingerie set beneath.

* * *

At the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Kanako is visiting Yuyuko, along with Byakuren, Eirin, Yukari, and for some reason, Mima, Shinki, Aya and Tewi are there, but they are on a separate table, drinking tea and eating cookies made by Youmu.

Anyways, let's focus on the busty goddess, for she is my target-er, the main attraction for this paragraph.

The sexy woman pulls a pack of cards from the back pocket, and says "alright girls! Today we play for keeps! Strip poker! And I don't want to hear any whining when you have to take off the undies!"

This particular bit goes straight toward Byakuren, who sweats while trying to smile as casually as possible, trying to hide her fright, though failing when she starts to sweat.

The "young" girls on the main table (except Byakuren) cheer when the goddess sits down, then said woman begins to mix the cards with great agility and skill, thus making her glorious mounds shake and jiggle quite a bit, entrancing Eirin in the process.

She splits the cards evenly between all the girls, leaves a pack on the sides, and since I, the mighty author, really know little to nothing about poker, I'll go ahead and start messing things up.

Before officially beginning the game, Yuyuko grabs her piece of strawberry and cream cake, takes a bite off the small end, and the cake screams like a little girl that's just been stabbed with a digging shovel on the back.

The ghost princes yelps and drops the screaming and crying cake and shouts "Youmu, what kind of cake you made here? It's screaming like a little girl!"

The cake grows a pair of thin black legs, runs toward Kanako, jumps on her chest, bounces on them, jumps over the goddess' head, then runs outside the Hakugyokurou replica, screaming, crying and panting.

The goddess of war growls furiously, then roars "that thing touched my boobs!", stands on her feet, points at the cake over at the exit, then shouts "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY DIVINE MOUNDS! ?"

Eirin gets closer to Yukari, who leans closer to Byakuren, who bends closer to Yuyuko, and whispers "well, looks like _someone's_ full of herself today."

The other women nod in assent, then restart their sexy game, as if nothing was really happening.

Outside the shrine's replica, Kanako snarls as she looks around, spots the cake running to the portside (left) rails, prepares danmaku charms, and shouts "stop right there, you little pervert!"

The little cake piece shrieks while jumping to avoid the danmaku, reaches the rails, jumps over them, then the air-headed goddess huffs and says to herself "little perverted bastard. He got away."

The screeching of tires reaches the busty goddess' ears, and with a scowl, she looks around and asks "huh? What the heck is that?"

Yoshika seems to be sitting on the air as she flies, and along with her comes the roar of a car's engine, yet no car.

When she falls, Kanako feels the weight, heat, pressure, and EVILS of a car and its tires crushing her body underneath its own weight.

The jiang-shi hits the accelerator as soon as her car touches the floor, and her wheels screech on top of the goddess, who screams a bloody scream that reaches the heavens.

The zombie stops, looks around herself, somehow opens the invisible door to her invisible car without moving her arms, then steps out of the vehicle and calls "hello? It's anybody screaming over here?"

She somehow misses the red-faced goddess shivering with pain on the floor, underneath her invisible vehicle, we close-up to the zombie's face just as she inexplicably scratches her head with her hand, then we back away from her as she shrugs and says "whatever. It was probably the wind."

She gets back in her car, closes the door without moving her arms again, then forces her car over the deity, making it jump hard, then saying "wow, this ship is really bumpy."

After a few minutes pass, Kanako groans and moans as she gets back up, her hair is an oiled mess, her dress torn and dirtied, her onbashira broken at the side, and to make matters worse, her PSP just ran out of batteries.

"Just great," groans the angry goddess as she pockets her handheld system again. "I better get back inside before something else hap-"

"KYAAAAAHHHHH" *KER-CRASH!*

*PU-CHIUUN* "AUGH!" *LE-THUD!*

Kanako gets off from the ground after being assaulted by something yellow, black and white, groans as she holds her back and straightens it up, then looks down to the ground to her left, and growls while raising her left fits with a pulsating vein on it.

She picks Marisa from the floor and holds her by her shirt, almost pulling it off, and demands "what the hell is your problem, witch! ? Why did you make me go pu-chiuun! ?"

The distressed witch with tears under her white ovals for eyes looks around, quietly asking "where the hell am I?", then stops when looking at the goddess, and screams "I don't know! I was just having tea with Reimu right now! I don't know where I am! SAVE ME!"

Kanako sighs, calming herself down just a bit, slowly lowers Marisa, then says "look, something really-"

*KA-BLOWIE!*

They are run over by Yoshika and her invisible car, and are sent flying straight to the sky, where both become stars in the distance.

The zombie girl looks to the passenger's seat, and asks "hey, did I just hit something?"

Shanghai and the cake are buckled up nicely, and the doll just coos contently before saying "no, you didn't. It's all good. Just keep driving."

"Get me away from this place," adds the cake with a high-pitched girl's voice.

Yoshika just shrugs and hits the gas, somehow driving over the rails without harming them, and continuing her merry way through the sky.

Meanwhile, inside the ghostly shrine replica, Tewi hums happily, while the naked Mima angrily says "you cheated, little rabbit!"

The girls in the extra table, save for Tewi, have lost their clothes to the evil little rabbit, and are using their hands to cover their ample chests, and are using the table to cover down below.

Tewi just chuckles happily, then says "I'm just very lucky. That's all."

At the main table, all the women there are in their bras and panties, and for some reason, all of them decided to wear small underwear that day.

So yeah, those are about to break lose.

Yukari sighs impatiently, then says "she's not coming back. And we went through all this trouble just to mess with her, and she's not even here."

Byakuren giggles, getting everyone's attention, smiles mischievously, her face becomes a lure that any man would fall for, and she softly says "say girls. Wanna make this a make-out party?"

The women all stare at the gradient-haired Youkhrist with pink cheeks, Eirin gulps, nods, and the women lean closer to each other, puck their lips as their skins are about to touch, aaaaannnnnnd-

Chibi-neko Yumemi is watching you. Always.

* * *

And so, the Palanquin is, once again, safe from the evil bats that dwell in the lower dimensions of Kuliminyaris, but that doesn't really mean things are at peace there.

Minamitsu, Nue, Kogasa, Kyouko, and Orange are currently having a heated discussion over who is a real lesbian, while Kimi, Ichirin, and Mamizou watch the heated debate from the sidelines.

The debate is halted when there's a sudden boom coming from the front of the ship, and all eyes turn toward the source of the sound.

Futo, Miko, Tojiko and Seiga stand in close formation, all holding old swords and laughing heartily, until the hermit-moe steps up to speak.

"Salutations sky-dwellers! I am Futo of the Wind, and these are my companions: Miko of the Heavens, Tojiko of the Lightning, and Seiga of the Holes! And we have come here to partake of your booty!"

Everyone's faces turn dark blue, then Miko places a hand on the shikaisen's shoulder, and sweetly says "Futo-chan, we need to talk."

While the invaders huddle, the Palanquin girls, and Kimi, huddle, and Kyouko whispers "so, what are we going to do with those perverted lesbians?"

Minamitsu looks at the yamabiko and whispers "I don't know, but we better think of something."

"Yeah. I don't want them grabbing my butt!", softly cries Ichirin in distress.

Kimi coos and grins playfully, then says "I'd like to see them try and touch me. I'll reverse roles in a heartbeat."

Even Orange has to stare at her older sister in quiet disbelief, while said pervert sighs with delight.

"I apologize! I meant to say, partake on your loot," shouts Futo from the front of the ship. "Heheh, I hath no knowledge of thine new meaning for _booty_."

"Um, it's alright," calls Mamizou as they all break the huddle; and then the giggling Petal falls on the tanuki's hands.

"Tee-he-he-he! Catchy nice, Lady Tail-Tail does," cheers the adorable little raven with her arms extended in the air.

Mamizou's cheeks turn pink at the sight, but before she can overload, from the end of the ship, Hourai cries "DON'T LET THEM CATCH HER!"

And that's when she notices the invading team is running after her and the adorable little youkai raven, so she runs.

Miko dashes forward and grabs Petal from the tanuki's hands, but is tripped by Ichirin's leg-sweep and the little girl flies through the air, cheering "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE~"

Minamitsu catches the little girl and takes off running toward Hourai, while the little girl cheers "tivers me shimbers! Tivers me SHIMBEEERS!"

The captain's eyes intensify, her body heats up and stiffens, her nose spews blood, and she falls face-down to the floor after throwing the happy, cheering little raven girl with the white stripe hair to the air.

Seiga catches the little girl, who quickly gives the hermit a hug, and sweetly says "smells like mama. Mmm, Petal nappy nap."

The supposedly-wicked hermit is so overwhelmed, she places Petal on a cradle, shushes all the girls around her, then whispers "awww, so cute. What an adorable little angel."

Futo leans closer to the sleeping little angel raven, chuckles softly, and whispers "she brings many warm memories to my mind-URK!"

Now she finds herself locked by the neck by the little girl's powerful grip, suppresses her out-of-breath cough, then whispers "what a... strong grip... Urgh."

The little girl yawns as she wakes up, slightly opens her eyes to see Futo's suffocated face next to hers, and she giggles softly, gives the silver-haired girl a kiss on the cheek, then whispers "onee-chan good. Safe is in keeping Petal."

And so, the girls salute Futo Mononobe for her untimely death at the hands of excessive nosebleeding (a.k.a. moe overload).

The game is back on the second Kyouko grabs the little raven girl, and makes a run for it while passing the giggling, cheering child to Orange, who tosses her back to the yamabiko.

"Woo-hoo~! Weeee~! Yahoo~! KYAA-HA-HA~!"

The cheers of the tiny girl causes every single player in the field to faint, save for Kimi, Tojiko, and Kyouko, and so the game is on.

The teal-haired girl tosses the cheering raven to the shadow dragon, and immediately falls victim of the little girl's cheer "floppy-ears-chan is LOVE!"

Kimi is disgusted, but she wants to win, so the and Tojiko continue running toward Hourai, who calls "that's it, that's it! Petal, sweetie, come to Hourai!"

The shadow woman trips, Petal screams with fright as she is flung to the air, Tojiko gasps and forcers herself to fly faster, and times slows down.

Hourai positions herself to catch the scared little girl, but she knows she's too small to do anything positive, other than getting crushed under the girl's weight, but she remains steeled, determined to do something, at least.

In one last ditch effort, the thundering ghost pushes herself forward, grabs Petal in mid-air, getting a cheer as a result, and falls on her ample chest, which works as a cushion for her fall, even if it's a painful one.

With the little girl safe, the tiny blonde in red and the green haired girl sigh with relief, then the tiny blonde says "phew. Thank you so much, Miss."

Chibi-neko Miko falls from the sky, lands head-first on Tojiko's tail, the ghost girl panics, shoots a spark of lightning from her own body, and it's done.

Petal is slightly shocked, and at first she only looks around with a frightened face, but just as the ghost girl is to calm down, the little raven takes a deep breath, and starts to cry!

Hourai rushes over and starts petting the girl on the head, while whispering "shh, shh, no, it's alright. Petal, it's alright."

Tojiko (sort of) kneels on the floor and starts bowing repeatedly, while saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I lost control, and, and..."

Thunder rumbles, making the skies tremble hard, and when the ghost looks up, she sees four girls with ominous white scowls for eyes.

A pathetic whimper escapes the girl, when the images of Satori, Okuu, Orin and Koishi appear before her, and just as she says "KYAAAAHH~ I'M SORRYYYY," Marisa's broom crashes on the ship's floor, breaking a hole that sinks the front of the ship, but leaves the part where Petal is, completely intact.

Somehow, the ships makes a loud splash, and the fainted girls on it scream as the crocodiles roar while enjoying a feast, all while the towering scowling girls look frightened and shiver at the sight before them, and Hourai covers Petal's curious eyes.

Out of the scene, chibi-neko Miko's evil eyes glint with malice at the chaos she just helped cause, and all because she fell from the sky.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia is having some alone time with herself, and is currently wondering why isn't there honey in her tea.

"So let me get this straight," begins the little Remilia. "Our stores were looted by a cat girl with a chainsaw-sword, wearing what you believe was a red leotard with green bows at the neck and lower back, and that's why we don't have any honey, correct?"

Sakuya bows with an apologetic face, and softly says "please, forgive me, My Lady... Ladies... er... please forgive me. By the time I subdued Patchouli, the hooligan was already gone."

Adult Remilia gives the maid a very seductive sideway glance, smiles as she slowly removes the empty teacup from her lips, and softly says "it cannot be helped. You are not at fault, Sakuya, but this transgression cannot go unpunished."

Both vampires stand from their seats, raise their hands and point upward, and both command "**prepare for battle! Our target, the S.S. Glass Leotard!**"

And so, Mystia the helms-bird turns the rudder right, moving the ark so that it's facing the glass-like ship, and Agava cheers out loud, and that, somehow, makes the ship move forward.

Meiling captains a cannon, Koakuma erects a barrier for Patchouli, who magically possesses the six remaining cannons, and now two large thrones with blue-haired vampires on them, rise from the floor on the highest point of the ship's deck, and both Remilias point forward, and declare "**FOR THE HONEY!**"

Sakuya stands besides her two mistresses, covering her bleeding nose while looking away and thinking "_crap. If they ever find out I used to honey to hypnotize both and do things to their bodies without their consent, I am going to get punished badly. Uuu~ What to do?_"

Meanwhile, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Mai lies naked (covered with sheets, you perverts) on an infirmary bed, looking pale and with her skin all stretched, and after a moan of pain, she sighs and says "uuuu~ I think I really overdid it this time."

From both sides, the adult and child-like Flandres say "**YOU THINK?**"

On the left side is the adult blonde, paler than usual, but still perfectly sexy, and naked under the bed sheets.

On the right side is the little blonde, also naked under her sheets, paler than ever, and with black rings surrounding her exhausted eyes.

The poor little girl howls, then cries "I'm not going to do that again for another hundred years. *Sob* I'm exhausted!"

Chibi-neko Ran in a light-blue leotard and nurse's cap, walks up to the moaning vampire child, injects her with pure blood, then says "drink fluids."

She walks away from the girl, who sighs and says "fine. As soon as I can walk again, I'm sucking Mai's blood."

The ice witch laughs, coughs hard, and after clearing her throat, she says "go ahead and try it. My blood tastes horrible for your kind."

Adult Flandre giggles seductively, then says "oh yes, I almost gagged when I tried it. I still loved that sweet moan of yours."

Mai's face turns red, and while chibi-neko Yumemi in a pink leotard and nurse's cap takes her blood pressure with a black blood pressure measurer, the girl says "I-I-I don't remember that, you pervert!"

The little lump-like device explodes on the neko's face, and with a cat-like smile, the little cat girl says "yup, she's fine. I'll get the suppository now," then casually walks away.

Meanwhile, chibi-neko Damien is skillfully using a massive mallet to tap the adult blonde's joints and test her reflexes, while she says "look, let's all calm down and accept we ALL did some wrong here. Mai, I'm sorry I used you to vent all my frustrations in a shower of burning passions."

The neko throws the mallet away, shrugs, and with his suave and manly voice, says "I see nothing wrong here. There should be blood and bones! How disappointing."

Mai sighs, waits a moment, then says "um, I guess I should also apologize for taking my frustrations out on you two as well. It was undignified of someone like me."

The starboard (right) wall explodes when Remilia's ark breaks through, then Damien breaks a hole from the ark with his staff, laughs when landing inside the glass ship, then shouts "ONWARD MY MINIONS! Let's teach these so-called Makaians who are the TRUE Makaians!"

A minute passes by and nothing happens, except Damien noticing he's all alone, and he's being stared at by naked girls on hospital beds.

He slowly backs away, chuckling and waving nervously at the girls, discretely opens the vortex back home behind himself, and quickly jumps inside.

Immediately after, adult Remilia jumps into the room with her new clothes in tatters, her swimsuit missing the right strap, and she desperately calls "FLAN! You gotta save me! Sakuya! She's trying to-KYAH!"

In the blink of an eye, the vampire is replaced by the shining maid with the turned-around clothes, who bows and says "my apologies for the trouble, ladies. Mistress Remilia has been a bit under the weather lately."

From under her short skirt, the child Remilia falls to the ground, unconscious and foaming at the mouth, tied up by the wrists and ankles, and with inexplicable steam covering her chest and groin areas.

Sakuya chuckles nervously, picks up the mess of a vampire, then says "er, if you'll excuse me, I have some things to do now."

She jumps back into the ark, the hole magically fixes itself, the adult Remilia can be heard screaming cutely, and the ark just flies away, as if nothing ever even happened.

The naked girls look at each other from their beds, then Mai says "seriously, this fiction needs some sort of base, or plot."

"HUNHUNHUN!" excitedly hums chibi-neko Ran while nodding extra rapidly.

Marisa's Hakkero explodes on her face, bringing down her entire house at the Forest of Magic.

* * *

Meanwhile, Budou and Phredia have found the hidden Grape Temple at the Forest of Magic, and have, of course, entered the sacred place in hopes of finding grape treasures.

"What do you mean 'turn back now'?" whispers the little bat youkai. "We only just entered, and I want to find some grape treasures!"

The little fairy sighs silently, and follows the little bat further inside, where the darkness would consume a human's sight, while for these two little girls, it's just a minor inconvenience.

Still, the little elf fairy uses her own light to illuminate their area, and so their walk isn't so dark.

As they walk by, they admire the drawings of grapes on the wall, being squished into jelly, squeezed into juice, stepped on, rolled over, baked, half-baked, and buttered with toast.

They quickly reach a large golden door that's adorned with a basket of grapes accompanied with some other fruits at the sides, and they watch as the image magically glitters the grapes with what looks like powdered sugar and honey.

Budou is drooling so much, little Phredia has to place a large bucket under the little girl, so as to save the floor from the slippery, thick substance.

The little bat flaps her wings, slurps as she wipes her mouth with her sleeve, when walks closer while saying "let's go! Grape treasure awaits us behind this door!"

She pushes the singled out grape at the bottom-right corner of the door, and it slowly opens up with a creak, revealing two girls hanging right in front of the entrance to the treasure room; one of them hanging upside down.

Yamame Kurodani, who finally makes her first appearance here, has blonde hair tied up to a bun with a brown ribbon, brown eyes, and wears a black, long-sleeved shirt under a brown dress that's tied up with a yellow band at the skirt, so as not to give free panty-shots when hanging around, and her current footwear are brown sandals with grapes on the soles.

Kisume has thick dark-teal hair tied to pigtails by white hair beads, dark green eyes, and wears what looks like a white kimono, but for all we know, she could be actually naked inside her reddish-brown bucket.

The explorer girls stare at the smiling blocking girls, then the little bat opens her mouth to speak, and the blonde spider says "welcome little explorers, to the holy temple of grapes. Today's grape treasure iiiiiissssss~"

"Grape sundae with whipped cream, mixed berry syrup, and a pitless green grape on top," softly says the little bucket girl.

"RIGHT!", cheers Yamame right before swinging to, and wrapping a friendly arm around Budou's shoulder. "Alright little girl, if you want the grape treasure, you'll have to answer three, very simple questions."

The adorable little bat looks at Phredia, then at the tentacle monster wrestling with Kisume, then at a picture of Satori in a black bikini that's hanging behind the spider youkai, then nods and says "I accept! FOR THE GRAPE TREASURE!"

Yamame twirls as she swings away from the girl with her arms extended, and cheers "ALRIGHT! That's the spirit!", all while Kisume starts eating the poor tentacle monster's right tentacle, who tries, but fails to run away from the hungry tsurube-otoshi.

The blonde spider pulls some cards from her bun, puts on a pair of thin glasses with brown frames, then asks "alright, are you ready for your first question! ?"

"YES!" spiritedly answers Budou, shaking her fists in the air with excitement.

"THAT IS CORRECT!", exclaims the blonde as she tosses the first card away.

Meanwhile, Kisume and the tentacle monster are having a romantic dinner for two at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant (now opening at noon).

Back at the Grape Temple, Yamame smiles and says "ok, the next question is a little tougher, so please focus. *Ahem* Of whom is that cute and sexy bikini poster behind me?"

Little Budou and Phredia stare at Satori's bikini poster, narrow their eyes and hum while they rub their chins while in thought, the bat whispers "man, that Satori poster has me confused...", then, after thinking hard about it, she hesitantly says "th-that's, um, Satori Komeiji!"

"DING-DING-DING-DING! That is correct!", excitedly exclaims the blonde, who quickly swings to the poster, gives it a hug, a kiss, and softly says "she's just so cute! Ahh, Satori-chan is so cute..."

Meanwhile, Kisume is warmly meeting the tentacle monster's parents, while the hero in green tunic is battling octopuses in the distance, and the raccoon plumber in the red cap is fighting with Mamizou.

Back at the temple, Yamame blushes when she realizes what she's doing, slowly releases the poster to swing back to Budou, clears her throat, then says "um, alright, forget you saw that and let's move on to the last question."

The little teal haired girl's determination shines brightly through her eyes, while Phredia silently cheers her on from a bit of a distance, shaking some pom-poms and shaking her short-skirted hips around.

The blonde spider youkai grins mischievously, then asks "alright then, here it is! How can I make my breasts grow to a more succulent size! ?"

Though the bat girl smiles, her face is that of a dark and ominous child ready to destroy an unsuspecting soul through vile words, and answers "gramma Ayalina says 'to grow big boobs, you have to eat sweets, fondle yourself, **stop whining while I'm talking, you flat-chested loli**, and to at least use three toys on yourself while nobody's watching twice daily."

The spider girl writes down everything she can, as fast as she can, almost causing friction burns on her notepad, then quickly hides it when she's done, looks at the little Budou and her innocent smiling face, and says "um, right! Y-you won the sundae! C...** CONGRATULATIONS!**"

The little bat youkai squeals with delight, jumps twice in place, then takes off after her prize.

"BUT WAIT," exclaims Yamame, causing the bat to stop abruptly, then says "if you want extra-sweet sprinkles and honey on that, answer one final, bonus question!"

"DO IT!", exclaims the little bat while an intense purple aura surrounds her little body and drool falls from her mouth like a waterfall.

The spider is almost blown by the intensity of Budou's aura, but manages to stay close, slowly opens her eyes and removes her hands from her face when things seem safe, then, after noticing the dangerously intense aura around the bat, she rapidly asks "whoa! Er, Wh-what is Sanae's most devastatingly, mind-controlling outfit for Ail! ?"

Both Budou and Phredia lift their left eyebrows after hearing the question, the little bat starts to chortle, trying to hold back her laughter, then says "it's mama's bikini! HAHAHAHAHA Papa's such a pervert!"

Somewhere in Gensokyo's skies, Budou's words reach Ail and stab him right through his heart, making him yelp out loud and knocking him to the ground below.

Back at the temple, Budou, Phredia, Yamame, Kisume, the tentacle monster, and the chibi-nekos Sanae, Miko, Yumemi, Damien and Ran, are all enjoying a large cup of grape sundae each.

"Mmmm~ This is so good," gleefully exclaims the little bat while rapidly flapping her wings after putting a spoonful of sundae in her mouth.

The black-haired neko slurps the last of his sundae right from the cup in a manly way, then looks around, and with his manly and suave voice, says "there is only one thing that will make this a perfect ending."

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly hums chibi-neko Ran while pushing the red button on a brown remote she just happened to have on her hands.

After the button is pressed, the green-haired neko sighs and swoons "oh, what a marvelous thing! Now we go back to the restaurant, and wait."

The S.S. In Your Face Murasa has caught fire, and the girls are doing their best to douse the flames, and have totally forgotten that the auto-pilot is ALSO burning, so their ship is headed straight for the Scarlet Demon Ark.

They crash on the portside (left) of the ark, almost splitting it in two, and while four vampires, a human, a magician, a demon, and a dragon youkai scatter around the deck, screaming like idiots, the ark and bamboo ships head straight for the Palanquin, crashing it from the back.

That large vessel quickly spins around the air and moves closer to the Unnamed Ghost Ship, where Yuyuko shouts "I NEED TO USE THE TOILET!", just before the spinning ship tears the ghostly ship to pieces, then makes its way toward the S.S. Glass Leotard.

Shinki watches hopelessly as that massive ship spins its way towards hers, Yumeko and Yuki walk beside her, and she smiles dearly at her daughters before saying "I am really thinking this pirating shit isn't worth it."

"Lady Shinki!", gasps the blonde maid in a leotard in disbelief. "That's not a proper thing to say for a woman of your stature!"

"You have to admit this is still fun," casually adds the leotard-clad fire witch, totally ignoring her also-blonde sister.

And so, the explosion caused by the ships when they crash blinds everyone, even Kotohime, whom quickly puts on sunglasses while she tickles the bikini-clad Marisa's feet while inside the prison.

Said witch cries for mercy and tries to free herself, but the chains holding her wrists and ankles five feet off the floor hold her tight, preventing her merciful escape.

And so, we are all part of the great circle of life.

* * *

That night, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, instead of coffee tables and bar stools, the place is filled with hospital beds and medical equipment.

The chibi-nekos are still working the register, and are charging each wounded girl that enters through that door, so that they can be attended by Eirin, Toyohime, and Reisen, though nobody can seem to recognize the bunny-eared girl.

Mystia is currently behind the counter, rubbing her forehead while sighing, then asks "so... how exactly did these girls get so badly busted up like his?"

Eirin, who has a medical mask and light-green gloves on while rearranging Youmu's legs and back, stops for a moment and says "because, as hilarious as watching ships crashing in mid-air is, it is still a very dangerous matter. They are LUCKY to be demons and youkai, though. Getting buried under tons of wood is not something a human could survive."

"But what about us?" grunts Maribel from her bed, while pointing at Renko, then Yumemi, then Chiyuri, and then, for some strange and inexplicable reason, Marisa, who lies moaning on one of the beds with a splintered bump on her forehead.

The blonde blinks twice, then asks "how come we are all alive? After all, we are only human."

Toyohime giggles playfully, then says "well that's because this is a gag fiction. No matter how badly some readers may want it, the laws of physics, common sense, logic, and mental sanity are instantly null and void in this story. Isn't it wonderful?"

The silver haired Lunarian removes her mask and gloves, smiles contently as she adds "that's true. Right now, I could flip this page, and every single injured girl will be cured in an instant. Buuuuut~ If I did that, it would be bad for business."

"U-fu-fu-fu-fu. ...A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA~!"

Both rabbit girl and sandy-blonde alien , along with everyone else who heard that, stare with fear and disbelief at the heartless doctor currently cackling like a mad scientist.

Eirin suddenly stops her evil laughter, bends over as though in pain, spasms twice while looking around, as though having seen a ghost, or something, then, with a frightened voice, she says "dammit, it can't be! Th... they're here!"

"Who's here, Master?", asks Reisen.

The woman in red and blue stares at the sexy bunny for a moment, then asks "who the hell are you? And why are you calling me 'Master'?"

Ail and Rika, both with their blood limits active and fully energized, BURST through the restaurant doors, looking both disgusted and disappointed, and quickly walk inside.

Before the Lunarian pharmacist can take out her bow and arrows, both Remilias, which are conveniently placed besides her, grab an arm, pull her down, and now disturbing cracks and screams fill the room, but are completely ignored.

Meanwhile, the winged duo keep walking around the beds, and while the boy heals the girls with a mere touch of his ethereal dragon wings, the girl spreads her hands around and heals all with the mint-green, healing magic sparks emanating from her hands.

Once all the girls are healed, Ail and Rika walk toward Eirin, stare at the poor, dislocated in several places doctor, then the angelic maid says "don't worry. We will heal you. Just remember..."

"Money can never give you the happiness you so desperately need," finishes the boy, before he and the maid bend down, and give the nurse a warm hug, making her cry tears of blood, while saying "they're hitting me with love. It's so illogical! I-it's good... but I can't understand it!"

Suddenly, the donation box at the Moriya Shrine explodes, down at the underground, Yuugi's horn grows muscles, THEN explodes, Nitori's swimsuit grows a pair of water balls on the chest, and then Futo's kitchen explodes.

Okuu, whom flies above in the night sky with several detonators on her hand, looks down at the smoke rising from several spots, happy that she did a good job, then says to herself "I'm so glad I stuck around here."

She starts looking around, squints her eyes, then suddenly screams "BUT I'M NIGHT BLIIIIIIIIIIND!"

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Budou, Phredia, Agava, and Ayalina were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All references belong to their due owners

Don't feed Eirin's zombie rabbits

APR 14 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**What can I say about this chapter? I wrote this without writing prior notes. As such... I really don't know what I have written here. Every time I read it over, I come up with the conclusion that my perverted imagination doesn't know what common sense is. I like that. THIS is what real life should be like. Wanna get healed? Flip a page. Wanna go somewhere, just think of it, and you're there. Wait, what does THAT have to do with this chapter? And why am I so hungry after reading the pizza tower mishap again?**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed this evil and vile chapter. Take care, and I hope you still have functioning brains after reading this.**


	13. Chapter 13

It is a lovely morning in Gensokyo, and at the Scarlet Demon Ark, girls from all over the ships are gathering for a most important meeting.

There is Sakuya, adults Remilia and Flandre, and child Flandre, Byakuren and Minamitsu, Chiyuri and Yumemi, Kimi, Yuyuko, Youmu and Merlin, Shinki, Yuki and Mai, Reimu, Rika, Sanae, and Budou, amongst other guests that will remain in the background, blinking and breathing.

They are all inside a well-lit and overly large gathering room with white-clothed tables that have a lot of food on them, and all these tables surround the 'one large brown round' (say that 10 times fast) table where the girls I mentioned before have gathered.

Adult Remilia elegantly and softly taps her wine glass with her silver spoon several times, the murmuring girls stop talking, and pay attention to the sexy charisma vampire in the sexy attire.

The woman elegantly glances around, softly clears her throat, then begins her speech.

"Girls, I have called this important meeting for a very *shudders* disturbing announcement."

She plucks a soft-cover book from between her ample jiggling breasts, and tosses it in the middle of the table, opened at a specific page where there is a picture of Satori Komeiji.

"Hmm... I don't get it," says Chiyuri. "You called us out here to show us a picture of that cute mind reader? That's hardly important."

The adult Flandre furiously points at the book, making her glorious pearls jiggle, and says "take a closer look. This is serious!"

The girls stare at the book with outmost interest, then Reimu suddenly yelps, lightly taps her fist on her left hand, then coos and hums while moving her hands around her chest.

The adult Remilia nods, then says "it is just as you say, Reimu..."

"But she didn't say anything," whispers Minamitsu to Byakuren, who shrugs and shakes her head while adopting a quizzical look.

The vampire continues, raising her voice more dramatically as she says "Satori's new official picture has been drawn... and she. has! **BOOBS!**"

Gasps are quickly followed by an uproar of shocked girls, and the light-blue haired woman raises her voice, causing her chest to bounce, to add "not just that, but she's a **C CUP**; B for westerners; and she writes PSYCHOLOGY BOOKS!"

The chocked muttering and gasps get louder, though most comments are about the chest, rather than the book-writing, then slowly the voices lower as the adult Remilia lifts her wings and slowly retracts them.

Once the room is quiet again, Sakuya scoffs and says "those are pads. Nobody can hide their breasts like that for so many years without them slipping out at least once or twice."

The young Flandre looks offended toward the chief maid's chest, then at her face, and says "you really went there. You actually went there and used that old joke. I'm going to make you kyuu, I swear. That was just disgusting, Izayoi."

Chiyuri grabs the book, stares at Satori's picture from up close, her face flushes, then she places the book on the table again and says "I see no problem here. Nope. No problem at all," and just after saying that, a trickle of blood drips from her nose.

Yumemi smacks the back of the blonde's head, and angrily says "you better not be thinking what I THINK you are thinking," then squeezes the face of her subordinate between her own breasts and says "I want you thinking of THESE, and NOT those loli boobs!"

Rika strikes the table with her hand, then sweetly, yet sternly says "please show more respect to Miss Satori! She is still a respectable youkai of the Touhou series, regardless of her chest size!"

Sanae covers Budou's ears and eyes, while said bat youkai giggles out loud, then says "can we please move this conversation along? This little one is learning things at a very rapid pace."

Yuyuko pats the green-haired shrine maiden on the head, then says "Youmu, please help move this conversation along, and cover your ears. You are too young to be hearing this sort of conversation as well."

Kimi points at the half ghost, making her boobs bounce, and with her worst troll face on, she says "ha ha haa. What a little mama's girl."

Merlin joins the shadow dragon in pointing and laughing at the swordswoman, causing her own chest to bounce, and says "you should see her when she thinks she's all alone. She does such cute things."

The poor gardener wants nothing more than to throttle those two girls with her sword, but just sighs and ignores her dialogue before walking away, and hiding between the background characters.

Shinki stands up, picks the book up before Chiyuri's blood and drool stain it, then stares at it while saying "ladies, this was just an artist mistake! This is not our dad's artwork, and thus is not official!"

Several girls gasp and complain, then Yuki says "THAT'S RIGHT! You listen to Lady Shinki! She's a pretty and powerful goddess!"

Mai scratches her sister's head, throws a tiny cookie the girl catches in mid-air, then says "well done my dear Yuki. Well said. And I agree with Lady Shinki. That's not dad's art, so I say it is NOT official, therefore, it's fake!"

The girls in the foreground and the background start nodding and muttering positively, then a blue gap opens up right behind Mai.

Ail flies out of the gap, helps Satori out of it and on to the table, Orin and Okuu, both looking uncharacteristically serious, fly after Satori, the boy takes Budou, invites Sanae into his gap, then looks at the mind reader and says "it's all up to you now, my friend. Teach these doubters a lesson."

The pink haired girl turns around and softly thanks the boy, waits for his gap to close, then looks around at the girls.

She grabs her third eye, takes a deep breath, then pulls it slightly forward, and all her clothes fall off her like if they were never even on her in the first place.

Since this fic is rated "T", Okuu and Orin turn to chibis, and both hold a "CENSORED" sign in front of Satori's good spots, and so as not to allow you, the readers, to imagine this, imagine that Nitori is staring into your soul with those cute blue eyes of hers this very moment.

The mind reader shifts her hips and extends her arms, then a bright light starts shining from behind her as she flips her middle finger around, and says "take this, you ***** doubters! Gaze at my curvy body, be jealous of my perfect female figure, which I've hidden for far too long, and take your ***** ***** ****** tongues and shove them up your **** ****** ****."

The gathering girls, save for Reimu and Rika, whom have been given sunglasses, marvel as they are blinded by the light Satori emanates.

Meanwhile, down at Chireiden, Koishi hums an innocent tune as she wanders around the corridors of the palace.

She suddenly gasps and tenses up, her third eye opens up widely, she starts to drool, then screams to the air "NOOOOOOOOOO~! THAT WAS MY PRIVATE LICKING FUUUUUUNNNNNNN~!"

Back at the ark, Chiyuri has knocked Yumemi unconscious, is panting thick steam clouds, and is just about to jump on the table to eat some Komeiji, but instead, she gets a small whirlwind to the face.

Aya jumps from the background, grabs the naked Satori, holds her princess style, points her maple fan at the blonde captain, and shouts "she's MINE you pathetic human. MINE!"

She shoots another whirlwind that breaks a hole on the ceiling, which leads directly outside, then takes flight with the screaming, naked mind reader, and declares "ON TO THE LEMON WITH **MY** SATORI-CHAN! WAHAHAHAHA~"

Moments after everything settles down, Minamitsu spots her article on the book, turns the book around to see who's the author, then ominously whispers "damn you, Akyuu Hieda."

* * *

Akyuu releases a vulgar sneeze that blows away all the scrolls and papers in front of her, and all she does about it is rub under her nose with her index finger and say "*sniffle* s'cuse me."

Akyuu Hieda is a young girl with short purple hair she adorns with a pink flower that matches her long yellow sleeves, has purple eyes, and wears a green vest, and a dark red skirt.

Behind her is a young woman with brown hair made into a bun, held by a long brass pin, and is wearing a standard white kimono, though hers happens to have the sewn image of Akyuu on the left breast, unlike the rest of the servants.

That brown haired servant behind her suddenly jumps on the child of Miare, rubs her face against her mistress' back, and cries "My Lady, you have a cold! Here, let me warm you up-urgh!"

The moment that perverted woman starts rubbing the girl's chest, Akyuu's smile becomes dangerously ominous as she delivers a hard palm of painful justice against the pervert's chin, knocking her out in the process.

"Minako~, we've talked about this. No more trying to seduce me, or..."

Akyuu's usually sweet voice becomes dark, cold and ominous as she says "...you'll be sent to work as a guard against that certain evil green haired spirit that wants to enter my mansion."

The servant girl sweats, her face turns blue, then black, and almost chocking out of fear, she manages to say "r-right. Sorry, My Lady Akyuu. I-it won't happen again. PLEASE SPARE ME!"

The little girl continues smiling as she gestures her hand toward the exit, and after a rapid bow and a pathetic "thank you," the perverted servant is out of the room, and inside the kitchen in five seconds.

The purple haired chronicler sighs, stretches out, moaning contently as she does, then says "I think-"

A wave of flashy water appears on the left, traps the screaming Akyuu, takes her to the right, then it crashes against the wall and sends the girl out the window.

She groans as she slowly lifts her head off the tasty ground, spits out some icky dirt, then opens her eyes and wishes she hadn't.

Instead of being in her mansion's ground, she finds herself at an oasis in the middle of a desert, where an angry sun glares at her and seems to want to flip her off, though it can't, and just grits its orange teeth for her to see.

She jumps back on her feet, gasping in surprise at the sight before her, walks backward until her back hits a tree, and while looking around, she nervously asks "where am I? Where's my mansion?"

A coconut falls on her head, knocking her out with one nasty steaming bump on the back of her head, then a little sparrow flies by, lands on her neck, stares at the bump, then pecks it, making it explode with nuclear force.

Akyuu wakes up with a gasp at the front yard of her mansion, spits out glorious grass from her mouth, then frantically looks around, sighs, and says to herself "phew! Just a dream! Man, I'm going to have to lay off the devil cakes."

She stands up, walks to her study, opens the door, takes a step inside, and falls into a square hole that's too dark to see what's inside.

As she screams and falls, she is greeted by a skeleton with a smile, Komachi on a nice boat, chibi neko Ran, nodding while humming "HUN-HUN-HUN," and a pink thong that elegantly says "how do you do," before walking off to the right.

She finally falls inside a futon, grunting a bit after her body lands so violently in the warming goodness, then she starts breathing through her mouth before nervously asking "WHAT'S GOING ON! ?"

Her brown haired servant pops her head from underneath the futon, and both girls stare into each others' eyes.

One minute they are looking at each other, the perverted servant even smiles sweetly, the next, Akyuu is running like her life is depending on it, crying and calling for help, while the lolicon servant with hearts all around her head and bleeding through her nose, says "come on~, it's going to be fun, I promise! Don't ruuuuun!"

The child of Miare runs even faster, and shouts "what's going on? Why is so much misfortune upon me! I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THAT HINA GI-"

She gasps and covers her mouth, then says "oh no, I've said her name! CRAAAAAAP! And stay away from me, you damned lolicon!"

"JUST A SMOOCH!", screams the perverted servant as she gets closer to her prey and master, and adds "besides, you're eighteen. YOU'RE LEGAL!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, Kasen Ibaraki, who was mentioned, but not described in Chapter 9, walks over to Kyouko and Orange, waving as she happily greets them from a distance.

The sexy hermit has thick, shoulder-length pink hair she adorns with a pair of Chinese buns, red eyes, her right arms is covered in bandages, and wears a white shirt and a green skirt under a brown panel, and has a rose just below the collar, in the center of those ample pearls of hers.

She also has shackles around her left wrist, and wears a pair of black slippers, but are we even looking at those anymore?

The pink haired girl approaches the orange one, and asks "hey, is Byakuren around? I wish to inquire her about Reimu."

"Nope, sorry, she's out," bluntly replies the youkai girl, while the yamabiko continues sweeping the deck, as though ignoring the girls.

Kasen holds her chin with her right hand while looking around, and says "what a shame. I wanted to ask her why Reimu is acting so out of character lately. You know, quiet all the time, always happy, sweet, never getting mad, crying a lot. It's just strange. I'm worried."

Orange smiles, and casually says "that's because of Willie G.R., who is borrowing Reimu's character from 'Touhou Diaries', by Sora no Amagumo."

The hermit girl raises an eyebrow, then asks "Willie... Geeare? Reimu's got a boyfriend?"

The two youkai girl drop on the ground and bang on the floor as they laugh hysterically, Kyouko saying "HAHAHAHAHA! As if Reimu's got such bad taste," and Orange shouting "BWAHAHAHAH! Willie WISHES he were that lucky! Can't even get a date to the SUPERMARKET!"

I am seriously going to get back at those two little bitches for this, but for now...

The girls suddenly stand up and resume their original poses, then Orange causally says "um, no, anyways, if you want to wait for her, you're welcome aboard. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I suddenly remembered I have to do something elsewhere, so I'll leave you and Kyouko alone. Please excuse me."

And with that, the EVIL orange haired girl leaves to the bowels of the ship.

A few minutes pass by, and Kyouko seems to ignore Kasen's presence, and even starts humming sutras as she diligently sweeps that deck.

The pink haired girl starts moving her hips around at the rhythm of the yamabiko's humming, then looks at the teal haired girl.

She gasps softly when she notices those cute large ears are flicking suddenly, then her cheeks turn a bit pink after staring at the youkai girl for long enough.

She reaches for the girl's head with her right hand, and Kyouko yelps a little when that hand lands on her crown, but quickly relaxes, smiles blissfully, and literally melts under the hermit's gentle head rubbing.

Before she drops on her knees, she finds herself trapped in the warm and soft embrace of the well endowed hermit, but before she panics, Kasen starts rubbing her ears, which melts the yamabiko in her arms immediately.

Kyouko's goofy, blissful smile and content moans make Ibara giggle and blush a little harder, and then she feels something long and rather hard moving around her stomach.

Her face flushes and she stops rubbing the girl's head, then lightly pushes her away, asking "what is this thing?"

That's when she notices something brown, furry and long hiding underneath the yamabiko's dress at the back, and smiles.

Kyouko sighs after her bliss is lifted, then asks "aww, why did you sto-KYAAAAH!"

Kasen coos while Kyouko falls on the ground, blushing bright red and shivering fiercely, while said hermit holds her tail and lightly rubs it while gently holding it.

"Aww, little yamabiko, why do you hide your cute little tail like that? Don't you know it makes you look even cuter?"

The teal haired girl with the blushing face yelps, moans, tries to speak, but seems to be moaning incoherently, then finally manages to compose herself and says "I~I~yah. Mnh! No. I-it's, hah, embarrassing."

The sexy pink haired girl giggles, releases the youkai's tail, and says "alright, tee-hee. I won't tease you anymo-*CLANG!*"

A light-blue washtub falls on the hermit's head, but instead of falling unconscious, the girl springs back on her feet, and moans as she stumbles around the deck, looking like some sort of zombie hermit looking for brains.

Kyouko recovers, sits on her butt, takes a deep breath, then screams "**I WAS JUST MOLESTED BY A VERY SEXY LEBIAAAAAAAAAN~**"

Orange suddenly appears to the yamabiko's right, scribbling on her notepad while saying "uh-huh uh-huh. Fascinating. Any other details you might like to add?"

"Ayayayaya~ What an awesome scoop," exclaims Aya as she scribbles on her notepad faster than Orange can. "Seemingly harmless hermit molests cute and edible yamabiko youkai! This is great front page material!"

"AYA-CHAN!" exclaims Satori on the deck.

All eyes go to the mind reader, whom has been trapped in a dizzy dance by the zombie hermit, whom continues to moan and stumble around with her hands interlocked with the satori youkai's.

The tengu's head starts releasing hot steam of rage, and sounding totally out of character, the furiously demands "HEY, LET GO OF MY SATORI-CHAN THIS INSTANT, YOU PERVERTED MOLESTING HERMIT LESBIAN!"

The purple haired girl tries to break free from the pink haired girl's interlocking fingers, but finds it impossible to do so, and now they are seemingly dancing their way to the starboard (right) side rails.

"Kyaaaah! Aya-chan, help!" calls the mind reader, but it's already too late, and the girls tumble over the rails.

The tengu girls holds Satori above Kyouko and Orange princess style, and angrily says "don't worry, I switched you with another. Now come, I promised we'd make a lemon, and for Kanako's sake, we ARE making that lemon!"

As they fly away, the flushed mind reader says "please be gentle with me," and gives the tengu girl a kiss on the cheek, making her shudder happily with a very red face.

Kyouko and Orange stare at the girls as they fly away, then scream like excited little school girls, the yamabiko saying "ohmygods, ohmygods! Honest lesbians!", and the orange youkai says "oh, this is SO going into the notepad!"

Meanwile, Kasen and Akyuu fall head-first to the ground below, the latter screaming "BUT I CAN'T FLYYYYYYY~", and the former sighing and saying "I really misbehaved back there."

They make a loud splash, then scream as crocodiles growl excitedly, content that some food has fallen in their... clouds? Err, let's move along.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere at the Youkai Mountain, Futo Mononobe is walking down a rocky path, wondering why things have changed so much, and why she can't get used to the new world after resurrecting.

"But that young man commented on that confounded new apple peeler. Ugh, if I could only accustom mine self to these new technologies... uuu~"

She's so busy arguing with herself over her being so stuck on old-fashioned things and customs, she doesn't realize she has fallen into a sneaky little trap.

She's now at a peaceful clearing where there's a tree trunk waiting for her to sit there, and she does so, intent on meditating, saying to herself "just clear your mind, Mononobe. Meditation will clear these clouds and doubts."

She closes her eyes, extends her arms, crosses her legs under her skirt, then a little shadow starts sneaking around, excited about something.

The hermit moe opens her right eye to look around, but quickly closes it and resumes her meditation, while whatever is out there starts to giggle mischievously.

Futo jumps from the trunk, lands on her feet, crushing Akyuu under her shoes, who shouts "augh! Get off me! You're heavy," and looks around as though there is nothing underneath her.

Mononobe breathes hard and fast through her mouth while nervously looking around, and demands "who is out there? Show thine self!", while at the same time, the chronicler coughs and groans before grunting "my lungs, *cough* I can't breathe, *gasp* you fat cow."

The hidden girl giggles again, making the hermit's heart beat faster and harder, as well as stomp her feet harder and crushier.

Futo starts to whimper when the sounds of the hidden girl start echoing all around her, while Akyuu groans and complains "you grey haired coward, I can't feel my legs."

The cute hermit quickly reaches for Akyuu's legs, holds her like a baseball bat, and exclaims "whomever hides in the shadows, heed my words! I hold a human in mine hands, and I'm **_NOT_** afraid to use it!"

"**WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU STUPID ZOMBIE HERMIT!** **?**" furiously screams the human girl at the top of her lungs.

Wind blows past the shikaisen's right, a thin leave brushes against her hip, and screaming like a terrorized little child, she swings the screaming chronicler with all her might, sending that girl flying sky-high and screaming "I CAN'T FLY DAMIIIIIIT AAAALLLL!"

Akyuu flies straight toward a giant eagle, crashes against it, and is now safely riding it back home, while Kasen falls to the painful ground below, screaming "but I wasn't even in this sceeeeeeeene!"

After the loud boom of the sexy hermit's crash, the hermit moe hyperventilates while looking around, still searching for that hiding entity.

A girl walks over to Futo from behind, pokes her right shoulder twice, and when the terrorized shikaisen turns around, her eyes meet Kogasa and her eggplant colors umbrella; all three eyes staring at her rather friendly-like.

"BOO! Are you surprised, huh? HUH?" excitedly asks the adorably and unfairly cute karakasa.

The hermit moe's eyes lose focus as they expand, her face turns white, then blue, then black, tears start welling up under her eyes, then she takes flight, screaming at the top of her lungs, shooting fire danmaku at the new youkai moe, all while screaming "DISGUSTINGLY ADORABLE YOUKAIIII! SHE'S TOO CUTE! IT'S TERRIFYING! GET HER AWAY, GET HER AWAAAAAAYYY!"

Poor Kogasa is singed all over, her umbrella is sharing the same fate, her hair is burned and messed, her face is dirty with soot, yet she slurps and smiles while rubbing her belly, and sinisterly whispers "we found a really big scaredy chicken, karakasa."

She takes a step forward, falls through a hole, her scream gets fainter by the second, then Hina spins by, closing the hole as she moves over it, and happily says "my, how unfortunate."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, at a hidden hut at the farthest reaches of the forest, Aya and Satori prepare for the sweaty fun they are going to have, though the mind reader is extremely nervous, and keeps asking "are you sure it's safe here?"

"Of course it is, of course it is~" seductively replies Aya for the sixth time.

Unknown to them, there is a very perverted blonde lurking about, holding a gun on her hand, and waiting for the right moment to strike.

Chiyuri looks back at some specific point, lifts her gun, then whispers "aw calm down. This thing only shoots danmaku anyway."

She turns her attention back inside the hut when the tengu and mind reader seem to be getting ready, so it's time to make her move.

She enters through the front door as quietly as a mouse, tip-toes her way to the room with the large sign that reads 'They are in here you stalker lesbian, now go get 'er!', then stands with her back against the wall to the right of the door, and places her free hand on the knob.

She turns the knob, kicks the door open, points her gun inside, and shouts "nobody hump! This is a bust!"

"**SURPRIIIIIIII**-iieeehhh?"

Inside the room are Maribel, Renko, Agava, Mima, and Orin, and behind them is a large sign that says 'Congratulations Dear Patchouli', a long table with a cake, some sweets, bottles of sake, and a glass pot with hot coffee.

Maribel stares at Chiyuri, and asks "captain, why did you ruin our surprise party for Miss Patchouli?"

The blonde girl with white disks for eyes just stares, then says "wait, I thought that Aya reporter and that sexy Satori were in this room!"

All the girls point to the right, and Renko says "no, they are in the next room. Now please close the door. We have to surprise Patchouli. Flandre promised she would **_love_** us all day and night if we failed."

A whooshing gust of wind blows by, Chiyuri slowly closes the door, and reads the new sign on it that reads 'Hahahaha, you fell for it, usa. Anyways, take that door they told you, and go get that girl. By the way, reading this costs a thousand yen, so pay up.'

The captain wannabe shoots the sign several times until said sign is a pile of ashes and her gun starts to steam, she blows on the barrel when she's done, and mutters "I'm having rabbit stew tonight," then walks over to the correct door.

She presses her back against the wall to the left of the door, grabs the knob, kicks the door open with a loud bang, starts shooting all over the room, blasting Aya to the ground, then shouts "NOBODY MOVE, OR I'LL SHOOT!"

"...Ah," is all that she says when she sees the tengu lying on her face on the floor in her underwear (white bras and pink panties), and the mind reader frightened on the bed, covering herself with the sheets and wearing a light-blue sleep dress with a cute pair of light-blue crow-print panties.

The purple haired girl looks with fright at the psycho blonde, and shouts "hey, don't threaten people AFTER you've killed them! Wait, what am I even saying?"

Satori jumps off the bed, glowering at the blonde, pokes the offender's chest with her finger, and angrily says "you hurt Aya-chan, you little perverted creep! I'm going to punish you for that!"

She raises her fist at the indifferent girl, then shouts "get ready to feel the pain, you stupid human!"

Outside the room, the door, floors and walls rattle violently along the sound of smacking and popping, skin striking skin, girls grunting and yelping, and finally there's a loud thud, and the sound of hands being clapped together.

Chiyuri dusts her hands several times, picks up the dizzy Satori from the floor, and after placing her over her shoulder, she says "now be quiet. You are MINE now, you sexy youkai girl."

"Ooh, you're pretty light, you sexy thing," softly adds the blonde as she reaches for the door.

She opens that door with a smile, patting her semi-conscious prize on the butt, takes a step forward, then stops.

In front of her stands Petal, whom holds a crude drawing of Satori being happy in front of her mansion, and says "Shatori-shama not you? Petal good making pictures, happy, happy Shatori-shama-love."

With her cutest smile, closed eyes, blush stickers on her cheeks, and with a soul-melting giggle, she raises the drawing, which the mind reader sees through Chiyuri's mind, revives, and says "aww, that's so sweet, Petal-chan. You are such a good girl. And you colored inside the lines too."

The captain wannabe's eyes glow with moe intensity, and a bit of blood trickles down from her nose and on to her lip as she looks down at the adorably adorable youkai in front of her.

Knowing what's going on, the troll-faced satori youkai says "say, Petal, I want you to meet Miss Chiyuri. Say hi to Miss Chiyuri, Petal-chan~"

The little girl in blue plaids grabs her right wing under her cape and covers herself up with it, crouches on the ground where she starts to whimper while shaking a bit, then glances upward, her adorable, sparkly little navy-blue eyes stretching out to look like puppy eyes, then she nervously whispers "but I'm Petal shy. Tee-he-he."

It is hard to say exactly when, but Chiyuri now lies on the floor on her back with a blank look on her intense and happy face, and streams of blood gushing down her nose.

The shaky Satori manages to kneel while weakly saying "go-good job, P-Petal, sweetie," then looks at the little girl, smiling and with a nose dripping quite a bit of blood.

The little hell raven's shadow runs with her arms extended toward her master, gives her a tight hug around the neck, and says "Shatori-shama-love lookie good. Pretty, pretty Shatori-chan in dresses!"

The mind reader falls victim of moe overload, while the little girl claps and cheers happily, then the purple-hooded Patchouli peeks her unfriendly face through the open door, and says "get a room."

Petal gasps, drops on her knees, starts to cry, and the Ancient City at the underground explodes.

Yuugi just drinks her sake and smiles while looking at the nuclear fire that's consuming all, and cheers "HELL YEAH! Now THAT'S a party!"

The screaming Parsee is nowhere to be found...

* * *

On the last chapter, Akyuu found herself trapped in the S.S. Glass Leotard, and is currently wearing a green sleeveless and legless leotard, a pair of pink socks, and for some odd reason, she was even holding on to a rhythmic gymnastics ribbon while in her room (cell?).

She thought of running away, and succeeded in reaching the deck, but she has been captured by Yuki, and now awaits the torture that is to befall her for her attempts of escape.

"Hey, that never happened!", angrily exclaims Yumeko while looking at the explanation above.

Shinki just giggles and signals her servant to calm down with a hand gesture, and says "don't worry Yumeko-chan, it's alright. Now hand me to pliers so that I may loosen this girl's tongue!"

Akyuu yelps and cries "but why! ? I don't even know how I got here in the first place!"

Yuki hugs the girl tight and rubs her head like one would a pet, while contently saying "aww, she's such a cute little thing! And her breasts are as generous as my own, so I'm not jealous at all."

The chronicler trapped in the embrace turns pale, while her face turns navy blue, and in a terrified undertone she says "another damned lolicon."

Meanwhile, Shinki is handed a pair of eyelash pliers and starts plucking her eyelashes in front of a small mirror, then suddenly smashes the chrome pliers on the floor and says "that's NOT what I meant!"

She looks disappointed at her maid and says "don't pull a 'Bomber Grape' on me, and give me that thing that goes 'VRRRRRRRRRRRR' and vibrates a lot!"

The blonde maid's face twists with disgust as many images run through her mind, yet she obediently rummages in her treasure chest for the desired item of the vibrating type.

In front of them, Akyuu constantly punches Yuki on the head, while said fire witch is contently rubbing her cheeks against the chronicler's generous chest, and moaning contently while hugging that girl harder.

Meanwhile, down at the Hakurei Shrine, Kasen holds Reimu by her shoulders and shakes her violently while demanding "start acting like your old self!"

She lets go of the shrine maiden, letting her wobble around while in a daze, and lifts her right index finger while saying "acting all sweet and bubbly so suddenly is not healthy for you. You need to go back to who you were and vent out all that negative air that was around you! After that, you may return to this new and improved self."

Reimu composes herself by shaking her head a bit, looks at the hermit, tilts her head right, then smiles while offering cookies on a plate.

Kasen sighs, face palms, holds the bridge of her nose, and looks down while saying "it's alright, you know I don't need to eat. Thanks for the gesture though."

At the same time, she thinks "_oh by the GODS, she's so cute! I almost lost it there. Alright Kasen, hold it together! You have to help her. You have to help Reimu._"

She feels a very gentle hand on her head, so she lifts her face to meet the shrine maiden's, which is just two inches away and showing an adorably cute and warm smile while rubbing the hermit's head.

Back at the glass-like ship, Shinki cheers with delight after Yumeko hands her a large white cylindrical machine with a large coated head, and quickly turns it on and exclaims "excellent! Let the torturing being!"

Yuki quickly forces Akyuu face down on the floor, sadly saying "sorry, but I can't go against Lady Shinki," while said goddess slowly approaches the nervous chronicler, saying "gonna make you feel good~!"

The purple haired girl's face twists as she grits her teeth, her eyes bulge, her hair stands on end, and she cries "no, no, wait! I'm not ready for this! I'm too young and smart! Someone call my lawyer!"

The questionable, vibrating, white magic rod rumbles as it makes contact with the terrified chronicler, and her face immediately shows undeniable bliss, her entire body relaxes in an instant, and she moans contently as she lets her flushing face hit the floor.

"Mmm~ Oh yes, I think I'm going to get addicted to this," contently moans the girl, while Yuki looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

Shinki is pushing the vibrating machine all over Akyuu's bare back, focusing on the spine, and with a sinister tone, she whispers "there, you like that, huh? Beg for mercy and I might concede."

The sexy fire witch stares at her mother with seemingly calm black stripes for eyes and a cat-like mouth, and says "um, mom, I think she's really enjoying it. You know. Just sayin'. It's not a torture."

"Mmmm~ Please, more to the right. And don't be afraid to rub the thigh too. It's been sore for a while, Oooohhhhhh~" blissfully says the girl, surprising the Makaian goddess.

Shocked, Shinki looks at Yumeko, whom has a very ominous look on her face as she motions a shoving gesture with her right hand, to which Shinki smiles and says "alright, let's try that."

She swings the machine over the chronicler's back rather violently, and all she gets is the moans and tickle-laughter from a very relaxed and happy girl.

To this, the blonde maid face palms, holds her face with her hand, shakes it slowly, and just sighs long and hard.

The goddess of Makai stops, sighs, then whines "why isn't she crying? She should be crying! This is a torture, for hell's sake!"

At that very moment, a nose-blood-propelled Kasen missiles her way to the S.S. Glass Leotard, breaks a hole on the belly of the ship, flies through the deck, violently crashing against Akyuu's belly, sending her flying to the sky and crying "NOT AGAAAAAAIN!" then continues her blood-rocket way to parts unknown.

Shinki claps her hands together over her chest, her side ponytail rises with her glee, and she sweetly says "yay, finally! We made her cry."

Both Yumeko and Yuki stare at their mother and goddess in total disbelief, both having strands of hair springing out of their heads, then the fire witch says "er, Lady Shinki? I don't think-"

The ship explodes violently before the blonde can finish speaking, and Shou Toramaru is eating chicken meat at the Myouren Temple with her cute red-haired fairy partner. (Don't tell Byakuren.)

* * *

At the Human Village, the still agitated Futo takes deep breaths as she walks around the dirt roads, and after some time passes by, she places her hands on her heart and says to herself "it is alright, it is ok, there are no youkai here. Now calm down Futo, for you are a strong woman."

She takes a deep breath when she feels her heart settling down, then says "there we are. Good as new. I am strong, yes I am."

And that's when she meets face to face with the Dragon God's statue in the center of the village.

The statue seems to be staring back into her soul with those glowing red jewels-for-eyes on it, and the way it's snout seems to be menacingly aimed at her is making the hermit feel very nervous.

On a side-note, it's interesting how her imagination can make that innocent statue seem more fierce than it really is.

The girl gulps, shivers a bit, stammers incoherently when she tries to talk, but ends up gulping again and taking a shaky step back.

"_Futo, it is just the village's statue. It is not moving, it's not going to eat you, it is just a fierce looking statue with glowing red eyes that seems to wish to take a bite off me... Somebody save me._"

She gulps her heart again, seems she's going to manage and relax, and then "ROAR!" goes the statue, sounding like some kid playing.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH THE STATUE HAS TAKEN LIFE! IT WANTS MY BODY FOR SUSTENANCE!**", screams the cowardly shikaisen while shooting fireballs at the statue's face, missing miserably, and retreating quite quickly.

After she's gone, two kids behind said statue, a black-haired boy in an orange kimono, and a dark-brown haired girl in a blue kimono, stare at the running girl crying twin waterfalls, then they both smile and start to chuckle mischievously.

Futo reaches the eastern exit of the village, still screaming and crying in fright, and as she slows down, she pants to herself "there. There. Safe. I am safe," then she looks back to make sure she's not being chased by a dragon statue, and "OOF!", she crashes against something.

She rubs her head and her butt, saying to herself "took mine eyes off this road for a mere instant, and I crash against a solid object."

She stands up, dusts her skirt, then looks forward, her hair stands on ends, her face turns purple, tears resume flowing down her cheeks, and she chokes on herself.

In front of her, unmoving and solidly in place, is the giant metal chicken from chapters 8 and 7, and to her, it wants REVENGE! ...And she's right.

The chicken's eyes turn red as it buck-caws menacingly, the frightened hermit whimpers and sniffles, then there's a loud crash, the screen turns blurry, starts spinning around like a top, and then everything turns black.

_Now loading..._

The screen returns, and Futo and the chicken are now 16-bit pixilated sprites in a 32-bit world, with a stormy background where lighting strikes repeatedly, wind blows ferociously, and Kasen blows all over the foreground inside the gales, with a distressed speech bubble that reads "SAVE ME, PLEASE!"

Futo's sprite looks around, her nervousness slowly subsides, her heart settles down, then through a speech bubble, she says "Wow! What sort of place is this? 'Tis like the confounded video playing machine in that gentleman's antique shop."

"BUCK-BUCK BUCK-CAW!" threatens the 16-bit chicken, and now a grid with Futo's HP (857), MP (1087), as well as the commands for "Attack", "Magic", "Special", and "Run", appears on the bottom of the screen.

With that in sight, the shikaisen's bravery level and turn gauge fill up, and she bravely says "Alright then you terrifying Buddha statue, prepare to meet thine maker!"

She selects Attack, jumps in front of the chicken, punches, then kicks it, and does one hundred damage points, but takes fifty-three damage points herself, and says "Curses! I'll have to resort to my Spell Cards!"

The chicken shoots "Laser Eye Beams" (how cliché) at the girl, taking fifty HP from her, and now it's her turn again.

She selects Magic, browses through spell cards, and selects "Blaze Sign, Glazing Winds of Haibutsu," and almost immediately, three statues appears on the background, all catch fire, and that fire rains down on the chicken, doing and amazing one thousand and a hundred and fifty two damage.

The giant metal chicken screeches angrily, then suddenly takes flight, its image appears in the background with its eyes glowing bright red and chromed metal teeth adorning its beak, then it suddenly lands in front of Futo, covered in metallic green dragon scales, then kicks her gut, chops her head, knees her nethers, slams her back, then repeatedly pecks her on the back, doing a total damage of five hundred HP.

With only two hundred and fifty four HP left, an alarm starts up, signaling the shikaisen's near defeat, to which the girl says "I won't give up, you monster! I will defeat you, if it's the last thing I'll ever do!"

She selects Magic again, selects "Heaven Sign, Iwafune Ascending to Heaven", and after the mandatory spell card flash, the spell is on!

Futo jumps on her boat, which appears out of nowhere, and with a hand command to move forward, the wooden boat takes off at blinding speeds, leaving a few after images behind in its path.

A torrent forms on the bottom of the boat, Futo herself starts shooting arrows of light all over, and as soon as she runs over the chicken, it spins in the air while its pummeled by the arrows and the torrent danmaku, then the hermit flies higher, striking the chicken again with the boat, the torrent and the arrows, then on her third pass, she jumps off the boat just after it strikes the chicken, then forces it to crash on the ground with a mighty stomp.

She jumps back to her original position and says "Ha! Take that, you EVIL fowl!", the chicken takes ten thousand points of damage, then buck-caws to the air as its body starts exploding repeatedly, then it disappears.

Futo gains twenty thousand experience points, five hundred special points, a Metal Boot, which gives +10 Defense and -50 Recoil, levels up, then the scene turns black again.

Once the scene returns to normal, it is revealed the village is now a burned wasteland filled with moaning villagers, all cursing the shikaisen and cussing at her, though she doesn't seem to notice.

Instead she has a very proud and smug smile on her face as she dusts her hands, and says to herself "excellent. I have proven to mine self that I have nothing to fear, for I AM strong! You hear that, Gensokyo! ? I, Mononobe no Futo, of the Mononobe clan, declare to be stronger than balls!"

The kids from earlier jump from beneath the ground, wearing dragon masks, and roar right in front of the hermit's face, causing her to foam at the mouth, convulse, and fall unconscious on the ground.

The humans cheer at the little kids, whom giggle at the downed hermit, then the little girl says "we have slain this vile zombie in the name of the moon!"

A red and black "Game Over" screen appears, and now we are at the Scarlet Demon Ark's living room, where Remilia and chibi neko Damien are playing videogames.

The sexy and frustrated vampire smashes her controller on the floor, shattering it to bits and making her boobs jiggle very violently, then shouts "YOU CHEATED, YOU LITTLE TWERP!"

The chibi neko simply brushes his cheek at the vampire, and with his manly and suave voice, says "it's not my fault you selected Run at the Dragon Statue's battle. Now, the noodles?"

The vampire bites her thumb's nail, then angrily says "fine! But I still want my back rub!"

Chibi neko Damien brandishes his extra long claws, a glint escapes his right eye, and he says "this will be _MY_ pleasure."

And so, a sweaty Remilia Scarlet is having many second thoughts about her current demands.

* * *

It is rather peaceful at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and Yumemi is somewhat enjoying this peace with Mima and cat-eared Maribel on a small round table.

They are just chatting away, getting to know each other a little more over some tea and cakes, even though the evil spirit keeps lying about a few details, when they suddenly become quiet when Akyuu and Satori walk over to them, and stare.

After a whole minute of staring silently, the redhead's eyes become annoyed, and she asks "what? What do you guys want? I'm not buying anything, you know."

The two girls smile most disturbingly, then sounding like robot zombies, both girls say "**give us your soul~**"

The unamused scientist blinks twice, raises her fists, then lets them drop on both their heads with some extra force and some simple magic she's learned from Byakuren, then eggs plop out of the girls' ears, cracking upon hitting the floor and revealing many petit Koakumas that fly away to parts unknown, repeating "koa-koa-koa-koa."

Yumemi is mentally screwed, evident when sparks start flying right out of her ears, yet she remains calm and somehow manages to say "uh, what the fuck just happen here?"

A washtub falls on her head and knocks her down immediately, just as Akyuu and Satori start recovering their senses, and start moaning while holding their heads.

Mima grabs Maribel, squeezes her hard, takes flight, then says "come on cute kitty cat, Willie's bringing the raining crap now."

And just like she said, Chiyuri falls from the sky, engulfed in a ball of fire, and lands on top of Akyuu, crushing the poor human under her feet.

She quickly grabs Satori's hands, pulls her toward her cabin, and exclaims "come, COME! I have many oils in my personal bath that I'd LOVE to try on you!"

The poor chronicler struggles greatly as she stands back up, whimpering with pain as she asks herself "how in the world am I still alive?"

A powerful gust of wind blows her all the way to the portside (left) of the ship, and the screaming human's luck hooks her foot on the rails, preventing her from falling over the ship.

Aya lands behind the Chiyuri, and declares "I DECLARE WAR! EN GUARDE, you EVIL HUMAN!", and both girls pull out thin scimitars they start banging hard, shooting sparks form them as they clash.

Satori places both her hands over her chest, lightly balls them into half-fists, and closes her eyes, while saying "I have faith in you. Win this fight and take me home, where I'll be all yours."

The fighting girls start bleeding through their noses, and increase the intensity of their attacks, thanks to the power of motivation.

The blonde jumps and avoids getting her legs cut, then lands and swings her sword up, missing the crow's neck by an inch, then the tengu kicks the girl on the stomach, but the human grabs that foot, and bites the knee.

Meanwhile, as Aya screeches in pain, Akyuu grunts as she pulls herself up to the ship, panting hard after finally getting half of her body over the rails, and rests her stomach on them as she catches her breath.

Kasen stands next to her with her arms crossed under her ample chest while looking at the girls fight, then the chronicler furiously screams "**WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME, HERMIT! ?**"

The hermit hums with a shrug, then says "because something bad is going to happen if I do."

A Suwako falls from the sky and crushes the pink haired girl under her weight, rubs her head under her hat as she gets up, then says "aauuu~ That was a good jump. Let's see where I land next," then jumps again, leaving a trail of rainbow tadpoles behind, for great justice!"

Akyuu just stares from the rails as kero-chan flies away, then looks back down at Kasen and says "HA~HA~! Take that, you self pretentious hermit! You all are so alike! Just a bunch of bitches!"

Just as the chronicler finally thuds into the ship, she finds Seiga crouching beside her with such a sweet, sweet smile, it's like looking at death in the pretty face.

"Err, hi," chirps the nervous human just before getting slapped across the face repeatedly by the wicked hermit.

Kasen suddenly sands up and roars like a beast, then screams "the ship's sinking! Everybody run to the yams! It has marshmallows!"

Seiga giggles as she flies away and says "good luck sailor girl," to which the pink haired hermit shouts "it's not boiled properly. KICK IT AGAIN!", then drops on the floor again, as if drunk.

Akyuu punches the floor, then furiously shouts "what does any of this crap has to do with Satori and the others anyway! ?"

She looks over to the fighting girls, and finds Aya's head planted through the bamboo floor, showing her pink bear-pint panties, a pantless Chiyuri with dark-blue panties, holding her nether region and with a face twisted with a powerful wince, as though in excruciating pain, and Satori begging perverted little Koishi to stop, whom licks her sister's neck while saying "no way! I'll lick and lick until I'm satisfied!"

Though horrified by the sight before her, the chronicler still takes her brush and a scroll out of her leotard, and starts writing down what she sees, while gasping, covering her mouth, and saying "oh dear goodness, how perverted."

And now, Kotohime walks the handcuffed Koishi over the starboard side (right) rails of the ship, saying "you're doing plenty of time, toots! You shouldn't have licked my loins when passing through the village!"

"Dang," curses Koishi. "Oh well, at least I got to lick onee-chan," earning herself a smack on the head from a flying red third eye before plummeting to the ground below.

Akyuu sighs as she writes a few more lines, then says "what a sad little girl."

Satori peeks her head from the right side of the scene, and shouts "WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME! ?"

"Because it was sexy," replies the perverted chronicler as casually as if nothing had ever happened.

Minako, the perverted servant, jumps on the ship, grabs Akyuu from behind, squeezes her tight, and cries "I finally found you, Lady Akyuu! I was so worried about you! You naughty little girl, I'm going to have to spank you!"

The perverted lolicon servant squeezes her mistress' chest while hugging her from behind, the purple haired girl struggles to break free, and after giving up and sighing, she cries "I just want this day to end *sob*."

Kasen moans as she wakes up, slowly lifts her head, slurring some words, then finally recovers herself enough to ask "wh-wha? What's going on here?"

Hatate walks past Satori, stands between the hermit, the chronicler and the pervert, pulls a large metal gauntlet from under her skirt, raises it as she aims it at the pervert, then swings it at Kasen's face, knocking the hermit out in one knockback of a strike.

"And that's why peaches in heaven taste so juicy," explains Tenshi over at heaven, whom wears glasses as she explains to Rika how it is possible for trees to grow in heaven, let alone bare fruits.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, the girls are fighting the girls from the Scarlet Demon Ark, and currently, she's winning.

Minamitsu crosses swords with adult Remilia, and they are currently pushing each others' blades mere inches away from their faces, and both are smiling quite contently.

"Give it up," growls the sexy vampire. "All your honey will belong to us! We are too powerful! Too strong!"

The captain smiles back, and confidently says "by the time we're done here, I'll have your honey, AND your buns!"

"KYAAH~" excitedly screeches Orange as she jumps into the scene with a smile while writing on her notepad, then excitedly says "that's another lesbian point for the captain. *Sigh* I'll follow her to HELL if I have to!"

Kyouko walks over with a flat gaze piercing straight through her partner's flesh, and asks "are you sure _you're_ not a lesbian?"

"Hey, hey, I'm not the one screaming my lungs out at night with her birdy out in public while fairies cheer," coldly replies the orange youkai girl.

The yamabiko gasps, punches Orange on the shoulder, and exclaims "that' our way to express ourselves, so don't jinx it with your lesbian err, thing!"

"Thing?", questions the yellow, green and orange girl. "You're going to have to find a better argument than that, Miss Ashamed of your Lesbian Tail!"

They walk past Byakuren, whom is crossing swords with Meiling, and she suddenly grabs the gate guard's arm, gets behind the girl, locks the girl's own arm around that sexy neck, then sweetly says "girls, please don't get in the way, or Mini-chan is going to have a fit again."

Both girls smile and salute the Youkhrist while saying "alright Lady Hijiri~", then continue their way toward the back of the ship.

Both Meiling and Byakuren's cheeks turn pink, then the Buddhist says "they're so adorable," to which the gatekeeper replies a hoarse "yeah. Cute enough to eat."

The cute youkai girls continue on their way, when they suddenly stop when spotting Tojiko and Miko trying to sneak their way into Minamitu's cabin.

They casually make their way over to the girls, stare at them as they try hard to get inside, then Orange asks "are you two a couple?"

Both intruders' hairs stand on their very ends after the surprise question, but quickly compose themselves and look back at the girls, then Miko asks "um... Wait, what? Trying to set up bombs? Us? Of course not."

Tojiko swiftly wraps a playfully warm arm around the saint, then says "oh yes. The Crown Prince is ALL MINE, and no matter what Futo says, this IS a fact!"

Ignoring the former girl's suspiciousness, the girls look at Tojiko in the eyes, then Kyouko asks "so that would make you a lesbian in a love triangle of lesbians, right?"

Steam rises from the spirit's head as she speaks through her teeth, "the nerve of this little gremlin! I said CROWN PRINCE, you idiot! She's a guy!"

Miko chuckles nervously while fanning her hand over her mouth and whispers "h-hey, Tojiko, don't go saying things I'll regret later. KYAAH!"

And she regrets it indeed, for the little youkai girls lift the saint's dress and stare at her bloomers, and with very serious expressions, they nod, and the yamabiko says "hard to tell. Are these briefs, or panties?"

"Guess there's only one thing to do now," comments Orange while reaching further in.

Both girls get zapped on the butt by lightning and screech as they jump in place and hold their rears, then look teary-eyed at the spirit with the spark on her finger.

Tojiko grins ominously and asks "what? Are you gonna cry? Boo-hoo, little children. Now leave Miko alone, you perverts!"

"I think we should go now," warns Miko, but the ghost-girl's grin is a good indications that her words have gone unheard.

Kyouko raises her fist and loudly shouts "**hey, that hurt, you stupid ghost lesbian!**"

Orange pulls her baton from her back pocket, and threateningly says "we're going to have to teach you a lesson now!"

The spirit girl smiles, sighs, raises her hands, and lighting falls without stop on the poor girls' heads, making them scream and cry in pain, while the saint warningly says "serious, Tojiko-chan, let's go while we still can."

A hand falls on the left shoulder of both invading girls, effectively stopping the spirit from shocking the youkai girls any more, then a woman ominously says "so, you're picking on my little sister, huh?"

The girls turn around and look with undeniable terror at Kimi and Mamizou, both having a dark and ominous smile on their faces, then the tanuki adds "seems we're going to have to school you both on reasons why NOT to hurt our dear little sisters."

Tojiko points at Miko and says "she started it."

Futo crash-lands in the middle of the ship, stopping all the fighting and taking all the attention.

She smiles warmly as she lifts a red box with a chrome plunger, sets it on the ground, winds the plunger back, and-

Look at Momiji in her white bikini, soaking up on sun while resting her gorgeous, perfectly shaped body on a thin towel, and let's ignore the explosion of calorie-packed cupcakes happening at the background.

* * *

That afternoon, at the Moriya Shrine, Kanako is tied up to a chair, wearing white short pajamas with tiny blue leaves printed on, Sanae and Budou are tied up against each other in the center of the living room, and Ail is at the mercy of the flower-wielding chibi nekos with threatening glares.

"You'll never get away with this, you cute little fiends," declares Ail with his hands up in the air.

Chibi neko Sanae pushes a red rose against his neck, making him sweat bullets, and with her womanly voice, she whines "shut up, you! We've hardly appeared in this chapter at all. That's not FAIR! My beauty is not to be hidden behind scenes! I demand all the attention!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN," hums chibi neko Ran as she brings rope to tie up the boy.

Chibi neko Yumemi, whom has a bluebell, stares indifferently at her blonde partner, then monotonously says "where did you get that, nyan? We didn't have any more rope. That's why we're threatening him with flowers a-nyaa!"

The blonde cat girl quickly points at Sanae, Budou and Phredia the elf fairy, whom are free and look more than eager to dispense punishment, then chibi neko Miko, who holds an amaryllis, face palms and says "we already failed, and it's only the sixth sentence!"

Chibi neko Damien, who holds a red camellia, elegantly passes the flower under his nose while sniffing it, shrugs, and suavely says "such is the fate of those characters created as knockoffs of other, more successful knockoffs, which happen to be dreams of a vampire."

Now, all the tiny cat people huddle up, shivering with fear as Ail, Sanae, Budou and Phredia move in to murder them, then Suwako breaks through the roof, lands like a frog on the floor, cheers "ta-daaaa~" as she stands in one leg while raising her left arm like a ballerina, then opens her eyes and looks around.

She stares at the kids with the cats and asks "ok, what in Suwa is going on here?", and that's when she looks at Kanako, her eyes and Pyonta's (her hat) pop out of their sockets when they see the sexy predicament the goddess is in, then she starts drooling while saying "oh, it's my dream birthday present come true. She even has the blue panties!"

Outside the shrine, the afternoon sun accents the beauty of the mountain as it caresses the land with its warming glow, and its beautifying light.

"OUT!", shouts Suwako as she single-handedly throws out the boy, the girl's and the chibi nekos, then closes the shrine's door with a divine padlock and says "I'm going to be busy now, so come back later. In fact, don't come back at all! Stay at Ail's house!"

All stand up and look at the shrine with fright when Kanako starts screaming "no, wait, don't leave me with this psycho! Nooooo! She's going to do things I won't want to remember but won't be able to forget, just like she did seven hundred years ago, right before she stuffed things in places I don't want to comment about, which really made me- Aah-a**aAAAHHH~**"

And then everything becomes quiet for a second, and chibi neko Miko asks "um, so what now, nyaa?"

Ail rubs his chin while thinking hard about it, then suddenly lifts his right arm and shouts "IKUUUUU!"

Lighting strikes in front of the donation box, while Kanako moans and screams, and Suwako cackles mischievously, and Iku Nagae now stands in the center of the lightning's strike.

The large group ignoring the whipping sounds and the crying goddess' pleas of help, run to the oarfish youkai, then the dense boy says "it's time, and there's nothing set for the ships to crash. Please help us, Iku-san!"

The violet-blue haired girl smiles and chuckles softly, stretches her arms to her side, then quickly turns once and stops with her left hand on her hip and her right hand pointing up, then says "and it's done."

While everybody else 'oohs' and 'aahs', Ail and Sanae flip a thumb up at the oarfish, and the boy with a manly tear under his left eye exclaims "thanks Iku! You're the best."

Meanwhile at the Scarlet Demon Ark, child Remilia grins mischievously at Akyuu, who aside of having her normal clothes back, hides behind Kasen as they await to get married by force, just because the vampire wants to see a wedding.

Ibaraki is not at all amused by all of this, the evidence clear on her annoyed, flat-gazing face, and her breathing through her nose and expelling through her mouth while saying "negative feelings out. Negative feelings out."

The young mistress lifts her hand slightly and says "Sakuya, get them ready," then the ship explodes fifteen times, so violently and so unpredictably, the falling girls aren't sure to whether scream in fear, or curse to the air.

The bow of the ark flies straight and true to the S.S. Glass Leotard, crashing on its portside (left) and sending it and its screaming girls straight at the Palanquin's front.

The crash sends Kyouko and Futo screaming to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, where the cute yamabiko waving her ears starts crying so loudly, she causes cracks to appear on the ship's body, while the shikaisen starts screaming in fear while shooting fireballs all over the ship, forcing it to move on its own somehow and crash on the Unnamed Ghost Ship, which WAS safe until now.

The ships explode on contact, and now Minamitsu, Chiyuri, Yuyuko, Shinki and adult Remilia are having a sissy-slap-fight as they fall to the unforgiving ground.

Meanwhile, Akyuu, whom has most of her dress in flames, flaps her arms as she screams and falls, while Kasen tries to hold her and shouts "TAKE IT EASY! ARGH, I CAN'T HELP YOU LIKE THIS YOU FOOL!"

To their left, adult Flandre rips a thick black book in half, and shouts "VAMPIRES DON'T SHINE IN THE SUN, DAMMIT!" (Sorry, I did it again, didn't I?)

A white blur grabs Akyuu just before she hits the ground, rolls her on the ground to douse the flames, then holds her like a princess, reveals herself as Minako, and cries "MY LADYYYY~ You're safe in my arms again! Don't worry, nobody will harm you ever again while I'm around."

The chronicler stares at her perverted servant with fright, sighs in defeat, then says "fine. Just take me to a doctor. I think I broke a few things at the fifth explosion."

"Will do, my lady," happily replies Minako, totally ignoring the screams of Kasen, and disregarding her as she crashes face-down on the ground, making a deep imprint of herself on the dirt.

The poor hermit moans and groans out loud as she gets off the dirt, looks around with her slightly opened eyes, then moans and says "why won't this day end! ?"

Futo falls face-up on her side, coughs up a cloud of smoke, then says "Miko, Tojiko, I want you to partake of my underwear and spread Taoism across the pools of celestials," then she finally faints.

* * *

That night, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, Akyuu looks all kinds of uncomfortable, annoyed and even depressed, as Minako makes motor sounds with her mouth and offers a spoonful of rice to her mistress.

"Come on, My cute Lady Akyuu~ You need to eat to recover," says the annoyingly, bubbly, perverted servant.

A wider look at the scene, and it is revealed that both of the chronicler's arms are wrapped in bandages, her neck is strapped by a brace, and her back is held secure by a plate.

She glances over at her servant, her anger slowly rises, then she calmly says "Minako, I am an eighteen year old lady. Please cut the childish crap and feed me properly."

The brown-haired servant pouts and widens her glassy eyes with welled up tears, and sadly says "but my lady needs to eat *sniffle*."

The chronicler sighs, gives up, opens her mouth, and the happy servant coos with delight as she feeds her mistress, then screeches happily and exclaims "that's it, My Lady! Eat up so that you may heal nice and strongly!"

Sitting at the bar, Kasen, whom has a black right eye and a bandage on her forehead, takes a drink of her vegetable juice, sighs while slamming the glass on the table, then softly says "this has got to be the worst day in my life. Ugh, all my bones are aching so much."

Futo, whom has two black eyes, and bandages around her left leg and neck, giggles and says "I must admit this day has been a curse, but after tasting this semi-solid cold beverage of crushed berries you suggested, it makes it all worth the suffering."

She takes a spoonful of that semi-solid shake, coos with outmost delight, making herself look far more adorable than ever thought possible, and exclaims "I don't understand how is this edible with a spoon and not as a drink, but it's so delicious, I don't care!"

Ibara just nods twice, and sadly says "hai-hai, I'm glad you liked it," then looks at her neighbor and her messy mouth smeared with the treat, and thinks of nagging, but instead just lets her head drop on the table, sighs, then says "I'm going home to sleep."

A black vortex opens up in the center of the restaurant, expands in size to allow a large black cannon on a dark wooden base to fall through, then Damien falls out of the vortex after the canon, and says "EUREKA! Now that the canon is here, I can FINALLY get that Ail!"

All the girls in the room groan out loud, then adult Remilia walks closer to the boy, though not close enough to get him nervous, and says "kid, just give it up. This is not a serious fiction, so there's no chance in hell you'll get him."

"Oh yeah?", defiantly defies the boy. WATCH THIS!"

He runs over to the front of the cannon and says "Ail has the honey," then runs to the back, grabs the firing cord, then shouts "FIRE IN THE HOLE," and shoots the damned thing quite fast.

Lily White roars as she is fired out of the cannon, and breaks her way out of the restaurant with her large buster sword on hand.

With white scowling eyes and a box-shaped mouth, she shouts "GIVE ME THE HONEEEEYYYY~", then flies away to the distance.

Not to worry though, as Damien has a camera following her, and now they are watching her search for Ail over the night sky, IN 3-D! Popcorn not included with glasses.

She turns left at the Forest of Magic, stops to allow a few fireflies to fly by, resumes her way through the night, finds Ail's house, dives down and flies straight to the open door, and then... "KYAAH!", she screams.

Yumemi chops the fairy's neck and takes her buster sword in mid air, even though it was spinning dangerously fast, easily swings that massive blade with a single hand, then points it at Anilan and says "he said you had the honey! WHERE IS IT?"

The dense boy raises his hands defensively and shouts "b-but I don't have any honey, I swear! Lily's taking it all right now!"

When the girl turns around, she effectively finds Lily White fully conscious and carrying eighteen pots of honey out the door already.

She roars as she rushes to tackle the fairy, there is a loud crash of honey pots falling on the ground just outside Anilan's house, and now the two girls are on the floor, rolling all over sticky honey while pulling on their hair and clothes.

Fabric rips while girls roar and grunt, then the dense boy walks to the door, carrying the buster sword out of his house, and he stares.

Lily grips Yumemi by the chest, the redhead grabs and pulls a chunk of the fairy's honeyed hair, the fairy retaliate by ripping a chunk of the woman's shirt off, and said genius gives the blonde a powerful wedgie.

Ail stares and stares at the mess, blushes a bit and mutters "maybe I should try that one with Sanae," then sighs, calming himself down, and as he closes the door, he angrily says "bathroom's down the hall to the left. Don't wake me up, and please clean that mess before you leave."

He closes the door, and the two catfighting girls continue their struggle, as though having ignored the words of the boy.

Back at the restaurant, Damien is smashing his own head against the cannon, then the unidentifiable Reisen says "ah, careful, there's some gunpowder inside that thing."

The girls scream, and the front of the restaurant explodes.

On the bright side, Kyo, adult Medicine, Luna Rivers and Luna Child, run for their lives as Reimu and Dark Rika chase after them.

"SHE'S LYING REIMU! We don't have THAT kind of money!" shouts Kyo from the front of the pack.

"They're obviously lying, My Lady. I saw her stuff seventy thousand yen between her breasts, and him pocketing a large pack of many ten thousand yens," rapidly lies the dark maid.

Reimu's eyes sparkle, she raises a spell card, floats ten feet in the air, and Ran Yakumo is naked in an apron, and is posing stylish for Yukari.

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Budou, Phredia, Kimi, Luna Rivers, Agava, and Minako were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami, AND her dark version, were created by Snapshot 2010.

Damien was created by Hydroviper

MAY 11, 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**I am wondering if I left the oven on when I started writing the last three paragraphs for this chapter, but then I realized I haven't cooked in a week. But enough about that.**

**As you may have noticed, I am using the new official information of the girls against them, and will continue to do so until I feel satisfied. Now, this means I'll be using both fanon and canon to characterize the girls of Gensokyo, but I'll still make it evi-err, funny! WE ALL NEED TO LAUGH! SOMEONE MAKE ME LAUGH! And with that, I leave you to start working on the next Sukima. Screw the crossover, I'll finish it later. Nobody's really caring for it anyways. Well, only a few care for it, but it's too late, and the butter's melting! ON TOWARD SUKIMA. First, a spin-off concerning Rika Onkamikami, though :D! Good luck Willie!**


	14. Chapter 14

Last time, on "Tales of the Almost Pirates":

Yumemi diffused a bomb that was about to blow Chiyuri's ship; which happens to be _HER_ ship; up into tiny bits, but thanks to Ail's thick head, and Futo's legendary hat hair, the honey was saved.

However, while she was busy with that bomb, the sexy adult Remilia single-handedly defeated Mystia, Mima, Wriggle, chibi neko Yumemi, and made Chiyuri hers.

Now the redhead sits in front of the vampire, sharing tea while she waits to be ravaged savagely, and made into a slave.

"Hey, that never happened!" snaps Yumemi towards nowhere in particular.

"Where the heck he get such a sick idea!? We were just having a quiet tea party here," adds adult Remilia, making her boobs bounce as she shifts her legs.

The redhead bites her bottom lip in her attempt to conceal her breast envy, but the light-blue haired woman already knows what's happening in that mind, and merely flicks her hair, which mysteriously causes her breasts to jiggle again.

While a vein pulsates on Yumemi's forehead, she speaks sweetly as she asks "so, dear guest, what was that which you needed of me?"

"Ah, that's right!" exclaims the vampire quite eagerly; moving suddenly forward and making her pearls shake about even more. "Since you're this awesome science woman, I was wondering if you could build an indestructible toy that can use magic so that it can fight danmaku battles with my little sister."

"Wow, that's one hell of a request," says Yumemi with a sweat drop rolling down her temple afterward while she chuckles nervously.

The blue haired woman frowns and expresses her disappointment, sits back down, making her chest bounce around, holds her chin while looking up to the morning sky, and says "that's a shame. I really needed something to keep my little sister's mind occupied. She's become a raging pervert due to boredom."

By now, several veins have popped on the redhead's forehead while she shoots murderous glares at the vampire's ample bosom.

Remilia turns her head toward the science woman, making her gorgeous mound wave about, then asks "are you sure you can't give it a shot?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" spits the envious woman, whom has forgotten she's got quite nice curves as well. "And could you _PLEASE_ stop shaking those lewd boobs around!? They're pissing me off!"

The adult vampire stares curiously at the red haired woman before her, grabs hold of her black bra, pulls the top edge to look inside, effectively making her breasts bounce around, then casually says "hey, don't blame me. It's Willie's fault they're jiggling so much. I mean... they don't look _that_ big to begin with."

Yumemi grinds her teeth to suppress her rage, growls inward so as not to offend the guest, then sighs to calm herself down, and then she says "I-" **CRASH!**

A silver washtub with Chiyuri in it falls on top of Miss Okazaki, knocking the sexy genius out, then the blonde with pigtails head-tilts and smiles at Remilia, then says "I know of someone who can make one of those for ya'!"

"Really?" begins the vampire eagerly. "Who!?"

The captain wannabe leans closer, places her hand on the table for support, and when close to Remilia's ear, she whispers "Rikako Asakura. The genius and her boyfriend hide underground, at the southern edges of Gensokyo, where grass barely grows on the dry rocks."

The light-blue haired woman stares at Chiyuri's hand while her cheeks turn redder every second, then sighs and asks "really? Can you help me find her?"

"Sure!" quickly replies the blonde, sounding quite excited.

"That's great, hmm~" begins Remilia while she closes her eyes and sighs softly.

She gulps as she begins to sweat, then asks "say, could you do me another favor?"

Chiyuri's eyes fill with confusion while ignoring Yumemi's groans of horrible back pain, smiles, and then says "sure; anything."

The flushed Remilia punches the table, then furiously demands "could you please stop squeezing my boobs!? It's very annoying!"

"Whoops, ehehe," chuckles the perverted blonde while taking her hand away from the vampire's gorgeous mounds, then says "I guess I owe you a little extra now. This was supposed to be my pay for helping you out."

The vampire woman quickly wraps her wings around her upper body, then Chiyuri's eyes fill with curiosity once more, and then she asks "say, how come you, a vampire, can be under the sun without any kind of protection and not burst into flames?"

The sexy adult Remilia explores herself for a bit, then says "well, it's a secret only that Rika girl knows... but I don't care. As long as her clothes give me this much freedom, I won't ask unnecessary questions."

The blonde girl's cheeks turn bright pink, then she sighs and says "oh freedom. That feeling is just so wonderful."

Meanwhile, in the captain wannabe's quarters, a pair of white panties with strawberry prints, and a pair of light-pink bras rest on the pastel-yellow sheeted bed, giving off a sad feeling for being left out in the cold without their master's warmth to brighten their day.

* * *

At the Youkai Forest, to the left side of the river, Nitori and five other kappa girls that aren't important enough to describe... "**HEY!**" ...bow in worship toward a rock formation in front of them.

On said formation sits a conveniently darkened figure that shifts its body while the kappa continue to worship it and chant like theatre zombies.

"I find that offensive," says Yoshika from the background; not that I'm paying attention.

One of those extra kappa runs toward Nitori, and when in range she excitedly calls "Nitori, Nitori, the harvest has been twice as bountiful! We're all set for another year!"

All the worshiping boys and girls gasp and express their admiration, and the cute Nitori quickly exclaims "ALL HAIL THE CUCUMBER GOD! May he bless us with more bountiful harvests for ages to come!"

The kappa begin chanting as they speed up their bowing, and repeat their thanks to the cucumber god.

The sun shines through the rocks and trees, revealing the god sitting on the stone throne to be Kyo, wrapped up from head to toes in rope that's covered in moss and algae.

How the hell did he get covered in algae while still in Gensokyo? The world may never know.

One thing is for sure though; he is pissed at all these kappa, as they continue to ignore his desperate groans and muffled shouts and, keep calling him a cucumber god.

He stares at nowhere in particular, then thinks "_I'll get you for this, Willie. I KNOW WHERE YOU-_"

Movin' on.

* * *

Rikako Asakura, a woman of science with long purple hair she adorns with a white ribbon, a pair of purple eyes she wears small sexy round glasses over, and has nice complexion; even though she doesn't go out much; works hard on a metal panel that blinks with multi-colored lights that seem to be buttons.

She SHOULD be wearing a white lab coat, a black skirt, and a yellow bow on her collar, but instead she's wearing a white, one-piece lycra leotard, white thigh-high boots with thick furry edges on the top part, white elbow gloves with thick top borders, and a long white cape.

She stops working for a moment, inspects her generous chest, lifts her right leg, inspects her left arm thoroughly, then sighs and asks herself "why do I look like some sort of super heroine, slash, super villain? I'm a science girl, not some showbiz hussy."

"Language Rikako-sama," calls out Kyo's shadow self; who is a shaggy egg-head version of the muscular boy; from the doorway.

He wears round glasses similar to Rikako's, only his hide his dark-brown eyes behind them, and wears a simple white lab coat and black pants. He's boring me already.

The nerdy man with surprisingly spiky black hair stares at the science woman, walks into the room, arranges his glasses while looking at her, then asks "and what's with that getup. It's extremely alluring, yet seems out of place on you."

In exactly .36 seconds that shaggy man finds himself in a deadly headlock applied by that very woman he just compliment-insulted.

A vein pulsates on her forehead as she looks down at her assistant with a very sadistic look, and sweetly asks "I'm sorry, did you say something? Are you saying I'm not an attractive woman?"

The nerdy boy groans as he tries to get enough air into his lungs, then grunts "argh... it was just an observation. Of course you look good! You look sexy even! Argh!"

She lets him fall on the floor and smiles with satisfaction while dusting her hands, then giggles playfully and says "that's more like it. Now help me get these traps synchronized."

"Hai!" exclaims the boy as he quickly gets up, but then he moans as he stares at the door he came through and says "well, it appears the traps _did_ need synchronization."

Adult Remilia, Sakuya, and Chiyuri walk through that door as though they were at their home, then the vampire says "not bad. Sakuya, please take notes. I wish to have a room similar to this under the mansion."

"As you wish, My Lady," elegantly replies the elegant maid in first-mate clothing.

Rikako frowns at the sight of the intruders, and just as she's about to ask "who the heck let you in here?" the blonde captain wannabe cheers her greetings "HIIII~! Say, Rikako, could you do these girls a fav-ooh, nice outfit."

She gasps and covers her mouth with both hands while her cheeks turn pink, stares naughtily at the two nerds, and snickers while saying "u-fu-fu-fu~ I hope we didn't interrupt anything interesting; like some roleplay or something, hmm?"

Both Rikako and Shadow Kyo blush brightly, then both angrily bark "**mind your own business!**"

The purple haired woman sighs as she relaxes, then casually asks "ugh, whatever. Now what is it you need?"

Remilia smiles, which somehow causes her breasts to shake a bit; getting a blush from the maid, and an angry vein from the science woman; and says "I need you to make an indestructible toy that uses magic, so that it can play danmaku with my little sister. Money is no problem."

"That's impossible," happily says Rikako with a big smile on her face.

The vampire frowns and slumps; making her chest jiggle and wave about while Sakuya records it all in a camcorder; then sadly exclaims "really? And I was under the impression that you were such an awesome inventor."

She sighs with disappointment and says "well, that's fine. I guess I'll have to-"

"Not so fast!" exclaims the sexy egghead. "It's impossible to make it because nothing is indestructible. However, I can make you a toy that repairs itself after every playtime, and I can even make it learn new spell cards and danmaku patterns. That way your monstrous little sister will never get bored of it!"

Stars, show-lights and fireworks go off behind the confident woman as she strikes a victory pose with her right arm lifted above her head, while Shadow Kyo quietly uses a remote to guide a pair of mechanical hands to lift the woman's cape.

While he does, Rikako relaxes herself, flips her hair, then says "however, it will take a whole month to build, so you'll have to be very patient. CAN YOU WAIT FOR IT, MISS VAMPIRE!?"

Remilia smiles and nods energetically, then the scientist places her hand on her hip while saying "excellent. I'll start by collecting data for the initial spell cards. Afterward, we'll get on with building the toy."

She remains seemingly unaware of the drooling and panting Shadow Kyo and Chiyuri taking pictures of her perfectly round and jiggly posterior, which remains exposed thanks to the lifted cape.

How does she have such a gorgeous butt when she doesn't work out at all is a mystery, however the two perverts don't really care for the details and continue recording the wondrous sight.

The annoyed Sakuya stares in disbelief at those two and is about to speak, but Rikako sighs, snaps her fingers, then a couple of bombs from the ground send the two happy peepers flying face-first to the front walls.

She turns around and grabs her cape, grunts while pulling against those mechanical hands, and says "I'll let you know when you can COME and PICK UP your toy as soon as I'm done with it. KYAAAAAH~"

She pulls the hardest after the end of her sentence, and for some reason her cape coils up and pulls her up with the mechanical hands.

"No! WAIT! ARGH!" She screams while she spins around and fights with the machines, then she somehow ends up with the cape around her neck, chocking her to the death.

The adult Remilia and Sakuya look up at the chocking woman, then turn around and walk away while the vampire says "I guess I'll go play with Flan a few times this month. I'll keep her busy while we wait."

"That's a splendid idea, My Lady," happily replies the chief maid, ignoring the croaks of help from Rikako.

Her cape tears off just as she's about to lose consciousness, and when she falls, she plunges into a green sea, where a storm is raging and making powerful waves that make the water currents go wild with power.

She screams and calls for help while waving her hands in the air, then Satori comes by screaming "WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?" while on a boat.

Rikako is flicked out of the water and splashed onto the boat, where she and the mind-reader look at each other, then quickly hug each other tight and scream while thunder and green lightning strike mercilessly around them, making the little mind-trip much more traumatizing than it needs to be.

* * *

Sanae runs across the deck of the Unnamed Ghostly Ship as if the devil himself was at her toes.

Kimi, who now wears her light-orange hair in a very long ponytail which she adorns with a star clip, and is wearing an open white shirt with a white bra underneath, and a black skirt, stares at the human goddess with curiosity.

She presses a button on her eye patch, then after a few beeps, she groans and says "oh. Not my problem then."

Youmu approaches the shadow dragon youkai, clears her throat, then asks "are you sure it's not your problem? She _is_ a stowaway that just ravaged poor Lunasa."

Said poltergeist sits on the corner of the ghostly shrine replica and cries while curling up into a ball, while her sisters try hard to cheer her up again.

Kimi stares at the silver-haired swordswoman, then suddenly twists her torso around, then twists it back to reveal a creepy smiling ghost mask with its tongue hanging on the side.

The half-ghost screams in sheer terror, and she and her ghost half rush away to the other side of the ship, crying like a baby.

The vile girl chuckles mischievously, unaware of the sexy Yuyuko behind her, holding on to a whip, a questionable cylindrical device of pink color, and a rolled up newspaper.

Meanwhile, Sanae jumps from the ghostly ship, and lands on the S.S. Glass Leotard, and she doesn't look happy about it.

Yuki is the first to approach the shrine maiden, and waves and smiles very friendly-like before asking "well, well, hi there. What brings you here?"

Sanae tackles the lotard-clad Makaian to the ground, and before the blonde has the chance to ask anything, the shrine maiden locks lips with her and gives the fire witch the longest, most passionate French kiss ever; even going as far as **twisting** her tongue around.

The blonde punches the green haired girl lightly, screaming while she does, but she slowly calms down and settles, then her screams become passionate moans, and then it all ends.

Sanae breathes on the girl's face, hums curiously, and then says "a good candidate... but I must search some more to be certain!"

She rushes off to the bow, jumps off the ship, and flies straight for the Scarlet Demon Ark.

Yuki sits up, holding her chest and panting hard while glancing around, as though trying to recover her bearings.

She looks back to the ship's bow, stands up and keeps staring, thinks of Sanae jumping off the ship, and then she grips her hair by the sides and screams "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER!" and she immediately sets off to find the shrine maiden.

At the ark, Sanae and adult Flandre shoot danmaku at each other as relentlessly as though it was a serious fight.

As soon as the vampire giggles and prepares a spell card, the shrine maiden is on her before she can say "hey, can you sur-mmphfmph hmpf!"

Just like with Yuki, the green haired girl ravages the blonde, going as far as ignoring the fact that they are falling back on to the deck, and then she just lets the shocked blonde go before they both crash, and takes flight toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, while saying "too rough."

Yuki lands on the scarlet deck just as Sanae leaves, cries as she calls "wait! COME BAAAACK!", and that's when she feels a hand grip her shoulder quite firmly.

Flandre's lustful face slowly rises to meet with the Makaian's eyes, and after a lewd hiss the vampire says "that girl turned me on something fierce. You'll have to take responsibility for her actions. Hm-hm-hm-hm~"

Yuki chokes, her eyes hide under a dark shadow, and all she can do is squeak a pathetic "help" before heated vampire is all over her.

Meanwhile, Chiyuri's ship is on fire, and the only girls standing (sorta) are Mima and Maribel.

Sanae is suddenly wearing a red vacuum with a silver hose on her back, and seeing this causes Mima to panic and fly away, shouting "Willie, you ASS; why did you bring that here!?"

The green haired girl turns the vacuum on, and after a quick blink, the green haired spirit is sucked in, looking as though she's being flushed down a toilet.

After the evil spirit is dealt with, Sanae casually tosses the vacuum over the portside (left) rails, then takes a pouncing stance with a vicious smile, making Maribel whimper uncomfortably; even more so when that shrine maiden starts to pant and drool.

"HELP ME-KYAH!" Maribel shrieks and whimpers while her lips are being violated by another girl, but before long she's moaning loudly in delight and quits her weak struggling against the human goddess.

Done with the lip-raping, Sanae wipes her mouth with her sleeve as she sighs, then looks to the Palanquin and says "definitely not. Alright, on to the last ship."

Yuki, whose leotard seems to be put on backwards, arrives to the ship's deck moments after Sanae left, drops on her knees, and cries "WHY WON'T SHE TAKE ME AGAIN!?"

Mystia lets the shocked blonde human drop on the ground again, stares at the crazy visitor, and asks "so you _WANT_ to be ravaged?"

At the Palanquin, Nue, Orange and Kyouko sit on their knees, while Byakuren and Minamitsu stand in front of the seemingly perverted guest.

Captain Murasa walks closer to the shrine maiden, then angrily says "I'll stab you with my ladle a hundred times before I let you touch her!"

The Youkhrist lifts her hand and waves it at the ship ghost, then says "it's aright Mini-chan. Let me handle this."

The black haired girl backs away, and now Byakuren is looking down at Sanae, who bravely looks up at the beautiful monk, and ignores those gorgeous mounds being so close to her chin.

Byakuren glares at the girl for some time, then says "fine, but I'll make the first move."

"Bring it, sis!" challenges Sanae.

Before long, the shrine maiden is embraced by the magician monk, pushed back, and ravaged without any mercy.

Both girls moan with delight as they enjoy each other so greatly, totally ignoring the tiger, mouse, ghost, girl, cloud, yamabiko, orange, fairy, undefined, tanuki, AND chibi cats, all staring at them while eating dumplings and drinking tea.

Once the ravaging is done, and the mandatory drool line is severed, the green haired girl sighs and exclaims "what a kiss."

She arranges herself, straightens her dress, and continues "but not what I'm looking for. I'll go get that fire witch. She was just perfect!"

Byakuren sighs sadly and softly says to herself "I lack training."

"FINALLY!" cries Yuki from behind, sporting a set of lip marks all over her face, and with her leotard placed the right way again.

She rushes to Sanae and holds her in a hug while happily crying "please make me YOURS again!"

She shrine maiden grabs her by the hips, takes flight with Yuki secure, and happily says "you are _PERFECT_ for playing Tw*ster with me and Suwako-sama! If we're lucky, Ail might join us too."

Yuki stares at the girl from the side, then sadly asks "so... you're not hunting for a wife?"

* * *

Back at the S.S. In You Face Murasa, Mima paces left and right and back and forth while fuming, still furious that I got her stuck inside a certain game's vacuum.

"Furious!?" barks the spirit at nowhere in particular. "I am downright murderous-pissed off! That was _not_ cool Willie; _not_ cool!"

Mystia walks out of the bowels and quickly joins the upset spirit, thinking "_maybe a song will cheer her up._"

Rikako falls on top of the poor bird girl, crushing her under her lightly white-clothed body, and while she arranges her specs to look around after quickly getting up, she groggily asks "whoa, what happened? Where the heck am I?"

Mima points at the purple haired woman, laughs at her face, and says "ha-ha~! You're Willie's target today. Good luck heretic."

"I AM NOT A HERETIC!" furiously barks the woman of science while shaking a fist at the evil spirit.

The woman just continues chuckling, then flies away quite contently again, leaving behind the poor unfortunate night sparrow youkai under the heretic.

"I AM **_NOT_** A HERETIC!"

Hina is now standing right behind Rikako, and is pulling Mystia on her feet, and dusting her dress for good measure.

The purple haired woman turns around, points at the curse goddess, and exclaims "it's a fake curse goddess! YOU FAKE! Why do you call yourself that when you know it's a lie! There's no such thing as-"

A massive wave of purple water rushes over the ship, and takes the doubter with it, while Hina merely smiles as she spins next to Mystia and picks up all her misfortune while singing "all misfortune come to me~."

"Thank you," weakly says the night sparrow as she feels the weight of her misfortunes, and Rikako's boots, leaving her shoulders.

"You're welcome, my dear," sweetly replies the curse goddess, who suddenly smile sinisterly while sweetly saying "and don't forget, those doubters will always get their just desserts."

Mystia is, understandably, frightened beyond common sense.

Meanwhile, Rikako is being dragged through the Forest of Magic by the purple wave, chased after by muscular youkai wolves that are in search of a mate, and Shadow Kyo is recording her wet body from the safety of the sky on a red UFO, driven by a young Flandre Scarlet, who grins with mischievous jagged teeth.

The woman screams for help, but nobody comes to her aid, so she decides to check under her elbow; specifically the left one; and pulls out a giant sponge the size of a house, which surprises her greatly into saying "HOLY HYPOTHESIS!"

She drops the sponge in front of the wave; crushing Alice's house in the process; stops the evil purple wave, the wolves crash on her back and send her flying toward the red UFO, her head knocks it right out of the sky, and after bouncing off, she finally lands on her feet next to Alice, Shanghai and Hourai.

She looks around in surprise, looks at her feet, rubs her sore head while looking at the blonde magician, then says "wow, I'm actually alive. And I didn't crash either."

A vein pulsates on the three blondes' foreheads as they fake a smile and tower over the purple haired woman, frightening her greatly, then Alice asks "so, you're the one that destroyed my house with a **_sponge_**, right?"

Rikako raises her hands defensively as she tries to stutter a response, but she's too nervous due to the knife Shanghai has, the lance Hourai holds, and the murderous look on Alice's face.

The science girl tries to run, but she trips on a cucumber, falls flat on her stomach, crushes Sunny Milk, who angrily shouts "GET OFF ME", and now she's being pinned on the ground by the two tiny blondes.

"Please, have mercy! I'm just a scientist with a curvy body!" pleas the purple haired woman, who thinks "_if I survive this, I must study the reasons my glasses haven't fallen off yet._"

Alice growls, pulls a feather out of her shirt, pulls the woman's boots off, says "apology accepted, curvy scientist..." then tickles her relentlessly.

Rikako laughs and laughs hard until tears well up under her eyes, and then she explodes, and she and the fairy are sent sky high.

Her white boots beside Alice explode, and kick Shanghai and Hourai on their cute little butts as they fly after their master.

The magician stares in surprise tot he sky, stares at the feather, then tosses it away and says "that's it. Shanghai, Hourai, no more mushroom teas from Marisa, understand?"

The feather has somehow latched itself on Alice's belt behind her, and as she confidently makes her way toward her destroyed house, the blue-dressed little girl calls "mama Alice, behind you!"

The feather explodes, Alice's clothes rip to shreds, and reveal she's wearing a light-blue bikini underneath.

She shrieks with embarrassment and covers herself up with her book, which does nothing to help her, then makes her way back into her house, which happens to be in one piece again.

Shanghai and Hourai pant, drop their little hammers and nails as they fall on their little backs, and out of breath, the little red-dressed blonde says "next time, we hide her under the bed."

* * *

Back at the Palanquin, a cannonball that looks, screams, and even smells like Daiyousei breaks through the holy ship's deck.

The furious Captain Murasa furiously shakes her fist toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, then furiously exclaims "damn you Chiyuri, I just had that painted, you bitch!"

"Ohh, I'm so scared! Come and say that to my face! BLEEEEH~" replies the blonde captain, sticking out her tongue and pulling on her right lower eyelid.

Minamitsu flinches after the insult, then Byakuren sweetly asks "so what should we do about this, captain? Remember, we have to learn to forgive."

The black haired girl relaxes, chuckles, places a smoking bubble pipe in her mouth, and after blowing a few suspiciously red bubbles, she chuckles again and says "of course I'll forgive her. ...AS SOON AS HER SHIP SINKS _STRAIGHT_ INTO DAVY JONES'S LOCKER!"

Fire now rises from the pipe, even though there's no actual fire in it. This causes the Youkhrist to sigh her disappointment while rubbing her own forehead.

Minamitsu drops the pipe, unsheathes her sword and lifts it to the air, then declares "attaaaaaack!"

All the girls cheer as they rush to attack the bamboo ship, Byakuren keeps sighing as she lazily makes her way over to said ship, and then from the hole on the palanquin's deck, a pair of pale and thin fairy arms pull their body out of that hole.

The little fairy grunts as she makes that last forceful pull, and after rolling on the ground and taking a deep breath, Cirno says "I'll get you for this, Kyo."

Moments later, Minamitsu is tied up with Chiyuri, the disappointed Byakuren is tied up with Mima, Yumemi is tied up with Rikako, who furiously asks "what the heck am I doing here!?", and Kyo is tied up with Luna Child.

Shou is tied with Renko, Ichirin with Maribel, Nazrin with Chen, Kogasa with Mystia, the little red-haired fairy with Wriggle, Nue with Unzan, Mamizou with Ran, and Ail with Sanae and Yuki (for some odd reason).

They aren't important, but it's funny to mention them anyways, so we can laugh at their misfortune.

"Wait a minute; what the heck just happened!?" asks the black haired captain, angry and confused at the turn of events.

"That's what I would like to know!" angrily shouts Kyo while easily walking around with the little fairy on his back.

The bikini-clad Alice, whom has added a sexy white sarong around her waist and a cute pink eye patch on her left eye, taps her rainbow baton against her left hand while standing tall over the two captains.

She smacks both girls on the head with that baton, then furiously says "that's what you get for _destroying_ my house again!"

Meanwhile, down at the forest's clearing, Shanghai, Hourai and Rika Onkamikami rest on their backs on the ground with their hammers on their sides, panting hard and fast with exhaustion, then the blue-dressed girl says "second time! So tired! Need sleep."

The angelic-winged maid smacks her lips and adds "at least it's reinforced."

Back at the ship, Alice strikes Rikako on the head and shouts "and that's for breaking my house the first time, you evil witch!"

"I am a scientist!" angrily retorts the purple haired woman while trying to kick the puppeteer's ankles.

Alice ignores these attempts and moves away from the woman, and then Nue's and Unzan's rope explodes.

When the blonde turns around to look, she is witness the ropes exploding exaggeratedly, and sending bodies flying all over the sky, and then the ship explodes with such force, everyone is sent higher to the air.

All the screaming girls and two boys grunt in unison when they fall back on the ship's deck, and all but Ail and Byakuren seem surprised about it. The two former merely sigh with relief.

"Wait," begins Minamitsu while looking at Chiyuri.

"Didn't my ship just explode with enough force to send us all flying?" continues the blonde captain wannabe while looking at the sexy Alice posing in her bikini with Yuki and Rikako, while Aya and Hatate take many photos of them.

Nobody but Kyo seems to wonder how the hell does rope explodes like that, but he drops the case when Luna Child jumps on his shoulder and says "just don't think about it."

Meanwhile, on the ground below the ship, Shanghai, Hourai, Rika and Star Sapphire, all lie on their backs with hammers on their sides, while panting hard and holding their chests.

"Why do we keep fixing things?" asks the out-of-breath Hourai.

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark's library/laboratory/nerd-room, Patchouli and Koakuma are busying themselves with the construction of a life-sized clay dragon.

The figure is completely grey, and has flaps around its neck like it's some sort of umbrella, a powerful-looking face with its thin forked tongue slipping out on the side, and the body begins snake-like until it reaches the perfectly muscular torso.

The purple haired magician places the last nail on that dragon's foot, then says "well, this is done. Now we see if all this trouble was worth it."

"Hun-hun-hun" exclaims chibi neko Ran while nodding; sitting on the table to the right of the dragon.

Patchouli raises her right arm, points at the ceiling, and exclaims "Koa, pull the switch!"

The sexy girl rushes to a platform with a lever on it, pulls a black remote control from her pocket, points it at the platform she's standing on, and presses a small black button under the big red one.

After a few seconds and nothing happens, the magician grumbles "I said, pull the switch."

"I'm sorry Lady Patchouli," begins the cute little demon while pressing the button repeatedly. "It's just that... we didn't put it on the platform."

True enough, when the magician looks at the dragon, she realizes it's standing to the left of a shiny metal round platform.

She face palms, mutters under her breath while chibi neko Ran groans, then the purple haired girl says "fine! You two help me move this thing."

The scene goes black, and the words "Girls Are Moving Dragons" appear on the left side corner of the scene.

The scene restarts and the dragon is on top of the round platform, then the out-of-breath librarian says "ok, Koa, pull that... switch. Uuu, my back."

The blonde cat girl nods and says "hun-hun-hun," and then Koakuma presses that green button to the right of the red one, and cackles like a madwoman.

Green bolts of lightning rise from the platform and crawl around the life-sized dragon figure, and quickly begin to give it green scales, a yellow underside, it grows large scaly wings, and it begins to move, albeit slowly.

"Yes, it's working!" exclaims Patchouli. "With this guarding the mansion's library, Marisa will have to think twice before she goes there to steal from me again!"

The dragon lifts its powerful arms, roars once, and then bright green cracks start growing all over its body.

"Oh shit," softly and calmly says the curvaceous shut-in. She sighs exasperatedly, then says "just make it blow up quickly so I can get on with my life."

(Fair enough)

The dragon's body becomes stiff, the cracks all gather at its back, then it bursts open with a strong explosion, and that's when Rikako; who no longer has her cape with her; rises from within the sculpture, exclaiming "I'm FREEEEEEE~! Free at last!"

She chokes and flinches when she notices Patchouli five feet in front of her with a miniature sun floating before her fingertip.

The scientist's face becomes ghostly pale when she notices the little demon smiling wickedly at her, and the tiny cat girl grinning with blood thirst.

Rikako places her hands together and cries "please, PLEASE, forgive me! I swear, I don't even know where I am! I've been in a green ocean, a forest, a flying ship, and bound by exploding rope. Please, I need help."

Patchouli stares at the woman's eyes for a bit, sighs as she lets out a smile, then sweetly says "alright, I'll help you."

She shoots the little sun at the woman and sends her flying straight through the ceiling and all the way through to the outside of the ark, and once the guest it out of the way, Koakuma shivers and says "that was very mean, Lady Patchouli."

The purple-themed librarian aims her finger at the chibi neko and the little demon, and still smiling she asks "would you rather have me do it to you, then?"

Both girls shake their heads while tears dangle under their eyes.

Meanwhile, up in the sky, the burned Rikako forcefully flies toward parts unknown wile crying "this is insane. Why has so much misfortune fallen upon me? Was it that Mima woman, or perhaps something else?"

A thick black cloud gets in the way of her flight path, shocks her with unforgiving bolts and soaks her up while she screams in pain, and then, when free of the clouds, she lands on Yuyuko's back.

* * *

Somewhere in Gensokyo, a swirling black portal opens up, and Damien immediately pops out of it.

He finds himself somewhere very dark, uncomfortably tight that smells heavily of gun powder and danmaku.

He can hear girls calling out to each others. Apparently, there's a lot of commotion going on outside from where he is, and now he can hear cannon fire while a woman commands "take the bitch out of the sky, and get me that honey comb!"

Because of the voice, the dark boy easily figures out he's at the Unnamed Ghostly Ship, but unlike other times, Yuyuko sounds upset, so he figures he should stay hidden until the battle is over.

"Load the special one and fire at will," commands the one he recognizes as Youmu.

A metallic sound above him catches Damien's attention, and then he's looking into the eyes of Merlin Prismriver, though he doesn't really know her.

She smiles at him, waves, then looks away and says "this thing's loaded already! Lyrica, FIRE~!"

"Phew, I'm saved," sighs Rinnosuke, whose voice seems to come from the dark boy's feet (which would mean he's just outside the cannon.

"Hey, WAIT-" calls the boy as the girl swiftly disappears from his sight, and just as he suspected, he's shot from the cannon straight toward the Scarlet Demon Ark.

He screams as he gets closer to the red ship, breaks through the many walls in the bowels, and continues flying toward the Palanquin, and then he screams like a girl when he notices something else.

Rikako screams as she flies straight toward the boy, both are unable to stop, and then it happens.

They crash face first and end up Frenching each other while danmaku explode like fireworks all around them, and when the momentum finally dies, they push each other away.

The purple haired woman grips her hair and screams out loud "I'VE BEEN RAPED!"

Damien blushes as he looks away, seemingly angry, and says "isn't it the other way around, you perverted woman!? You're so lucky I'm not going to kill you for that!"

"I'm ruined! WAAAAA-HA-HAAA! I can't get married anymore!" cries the desperate woman, totally ignoring the dark boy.

Damien waves his hands around as he nervously says "h-hey, wait a minute, calm down! It was just a kiss. JUST! A! KISS!"

Rikako continues crying, and she and the boy totally ignore the fact that they are falling to the ground.

Shadow Kyo and Flandre appear to Damien's right on the red UFO and glare threateningly at the boy, then the shaggy man points and says "you'll pay for that with your blood!"

"IT WAS JUST A KISS!" screams the alternate Makaian lord with rage.

Rikako clings on his shoulder, lashes her eyes at him in a most seductive way, then says "you'll take responsibility, won't you?"

Damien screams with fright and then tries to push the woman off while shouting "h-hey, get off me!"

He suddenly relaxes when looking deep into those purple eyes, and as if in a trance he calmly says "whoa. Hey, you don't look so bad. Um... hi, my name's Damien."

"Rikako Asakura. Now be gentler with me next time, ok." replies the woman, ignoring the fact that Shadow Kyo is pointing a laser gun at the dark boy's head.

Their bodies reach the ground, and now everyone is inside the perimeter of a little house on the hill, having a picnic on a red mat while laughing and singing stupid songs.

Ran and Chen stand at the distance, and stare at all of them with disgust, then the fox girl flatly says "do it."

The nekomata pulls out her saw sword, revs it up, unleashes her jagged teeth with a vicious grin, then makes her way toward the four happy fools.

* * *

At the Human Village, at the Suspicious Keine's Suspicious Store, the suspicious woman hums suspiciously while watering the beautifully suspicious flowers around her house/school/store. It's just suspicious.

While that suspicious woman goes about her suspicious day, Reisen, who insists her name is Tia, walks by the suspicious store, waves at Keine, and cheerily says "good day Miss Keine."

The silver haired woman smiles and suspiciously waves back while replying "hello Tia. Isn't it a wonderful day today?" then she bites her index finger while thinking suspiciously "_sure, I called her Tia, but is that her real name? This is too suspicious._"

Reisen lifts her plaid yellow scarf to cover her mouth, making the suspicious one gasp in shock when she fails to identify the Moon Rabbit, puts on her glasses, then thinks "_she doesn't know who I am, yet she's still so suspicious. Something's so suspicious here..._"

The girls remain in place staring at each other for some time, both waiting for the other to do something, whether unknown or suspicious.

Perfectly square holes appear under the two girls, swallow them up; only allowing a quick yelp to be heard; and now chibi neko Yumemi walks by.

She hides the suspicious scissors behind her back, then says "nya~ what an unfortunate event."

* * *

Further down the village, near the northern exit, Futo skips merrily while enjoying a cool and refreshing treat in a squishy paper cup.

As she licks the fruity syrup on the shaved ice, Cirno shouts from the shop "don't drop it, Miss. It's bad for business if you do!"

The adorable silver-haired hermit waves without turning as she licks some more of that delicious treat, and then something silver crash-lands eight feet in front of her.

She stops, but keeps humming and cooing while licking on her treat, then says to herself "the strawberry juice is so fresh."

The dust clears from around the silver object to reveal the giant metal chicken, which roars a powerful mechanical "Buck-buck buck-caw!"

Futo shivers and coos with delight after taking a bite off her treat, then says "mmm~ this shaved ice is wonderful. It tingles in my tongue!"

The chicken stares at the girl in confusion and scratches its head, while in the cockpit on its back, Nitori says to Ichirin "no, no, no, if I press that button, it should take us to the outside world."

The youkai nun yelps and exclaims "no, don't! I have only heard terrible things of that world without magic!"

Back in front, the chicken takes a fighting stance and caws furiously at Futo, who simply coos and says "oh, is this blueberry as well!? These are rare! YUMM~"

The metallic creature rushes to the shikaisen and throws a punch, kick, punch combination, which the girl easily dodges backward, sideways, and hopping back, all while enjoying her delicious treat.

The metal chicken buck-caws furiously to the air, jumps higher than the tallest house in the village, then link-punches down hard on Futo.

The girl jumps up and avoids the attack that causes a crater on the ground, lands on the chicken's shoulders, slurps the melted juice out of the paper cup holding her treat, squeals while smiling, and says "so sweet!"

The mechanical monster doesn't hesitate and throws a punch at his face, damaging itself greatly after the girl hops off its shoulders.

The cute hermit stomps down hard and kicks the chicken's face repeatedly, the monster throws another punch at itself, and then she hops away while the mechanical creature crackles and shorts out.

Inside the cockpit, all the buttons and levers are popping and shorting out. Desperate, Nitori shouts "hit the eject button! She's gonna blow!"

Ichirin pushes the big red button that reads "EJECT" in white, but nothing happens, and with tears in her eyes she cries "it's not working!"

"Oh shit," mutters the kappa when she realizes the deep shit they are in.

Back in the front, the chicken rushes Futo and tries to tackle her, but he girl continues slurping her treat while moving to the side, letting the monster trip on a pebble on the way.

After it's down, she jumps once more while cooing contently, places the edge of the cup on her lips while spinning into a ball, then tackles the cockpit with insane force, cracking the thick glass.

The chicken screeches while wiggling its neck around, its body glows yellow, and then it explodes with ridiculous force while the adorable shikaisen keeps slurping her melted treat.

Nitori and Ichirin are sent flying sky-high, screaming for help that will never come, and then a blue window magically appears above Futo's head, revealing she's earned 50,678 Experience Points, 45,908 Mon, and she has leveled up as well.

Tiny fireworks and a victory fanfare play above her head while she drinks the very last bit of her treat, and then everything disappears the moment she stops drinking.

She turns the cup the treat was in upside down and looks sadly inside while saying "aww, it is all gone. Hau~..."

She walks over to a conveniently placed trash bin and throws the cup in, then sighs and says "I want another. Ah, but I don't think I have enough."

She rummages through her pockets, takes out her blue purse, and when she opens it up she gasps at the large amount of coins inside.

Her lips stretch into a wide smile, and she gleefully says "yay! I can get more treats with this!"

Kanako slides to her left and stares at her with a most unfriendly of faces, then says "I'm watching you."

Futo screeches, turns around and waves her hands, sets the goddess on fire, and runs away while crying "MIKOOOOOO! Miko, the Buddha statue has returned! It speaks in tongues to meeee!"

* * *

Later, at the Moriya Shrine, Yuki, Sanae, Suwako and Ail lie on their backs on the ground around the 'Tw*ster' mat, all panting and spread eagle.

"You. play a mean. and sexy. game of Twister. S-Sanae!" exclaims Yuki between pants.

Suwako takes a deep breath to recover, then says "I taught her well."

Sanae giggles, takes a few hard breaths, then says "too bad Ail dropped out so quickly. Hehehe; what's the matter honey? Need more cardio?"

The boy's only response is a couple of hard pants and a suspicious womanly cough.

Kero-chan stares at the boy and says "that sounded quite feminine there, boy. Did... something happen to you?"

Minako jumps from the left side of the scene with an unconscious Akyuu wrapped in her arms, and with a tired and happy smile she says "hey, we'll be going home now. Thank you for inviting us to play. Heheh, now that Mistress Akyuu is tucked out, it's my job to take her home and tuck her in."

She waves her fingers at the girls and casually says "toodles," then she takes of running, kicks off the ground and starts to fly, A pair of balloons pop out from under her white robes and a propeller covers her panties, and she's off to the Human Village to moles-err... put her mistress to sleep.

The girls all stare at the perverted servant as she disappears from sight, then Suwako says "that girl takes life by the horns and... well I won't say it because of censorship and ratings, but I think you know where I'm going with this."

Yuki and Sanae nod in assent, and then two thuds signal the landing of two individuals, then one of them says "aww, Mama-Sanny, I thought you were going to wait for us!"

The tired girls hop on to their knees and stare with surprise at Budou and Ail standing boldly to the right, holding bags of treats and tea leaves.

The dense one shakes his bags and says "got the treats... but it seems you got started without us after all."

He then raises an eyebrow and suspiciously asks "and what is this story I hear of you French kissing other girls, Sanae? What's the story on that rumor?"

The shrine maiden chuckles nervously while her cheeks turn bright red; Yuki throws herself at the green haired girl and sighs with passion while resting her head on the girl's lap, and then hearts start flying right out of her body and head as she sighs "she makes me feel like a _woman_! What a lovely twister too, mmm~"

Sanae's face turns redder after that fire witch's declaration, smiles weakly at her dense boyfriend, chuckles playfully, then gasps and says "wait a minute! If you're over there with the snacks, then who is this over here!?"

The grounded boy pops into a cloud of smoke, and after said smoke dissipates Mamizou stands up and angrily says "fine, it was me, you bunch of perverts!"

Everybody gasp simultaneously, and then Budou asks "but why? What did papa Ail ever do to you?"

The tanuki holds the bridge of her nose while speaking with annoyance "It's nothing against your papa little youkai. It's that goddess with the huge knockers that asked me to help her."

She notices the confusion on all; particularly Suwako; and adds "I dunno! Something about wanting Sanae's body on hers; asked me to transform her into the kid, but then I couldn't, and... Well, here we are now."

"Fair enough," begins Ail. He looks at his girlfriend, places his hands on his hips after tossing the bags, taps his foot on the ground impatiently, and sternly says "that still doesn't explain the wild 'Sanae kissing rumor'."

Adult Medicine drops from the sky and lands next to the boy, wraps her right arm around his neck, pushes his head with her left hand, cracks his neck, then drops his body and places a large round table on top.

She places the tea, cups, treats and flowers on said table, and then she sweetly asks "so, who wants some tea?"

Happy murmurs of acceptance fill the air, and everyone kneels around the table to partake on some snacks and tea, completely ignoring the fact that Ail has been brutally murdered by a doll youkai.

Unknown to all but Medicine, underneath the table, Ail's body pops with smoke and crackles with yellow sparks, and after the smoke dissipates, Rikako's body is revealed, twitching and foaming at the mouth.

* * *

On the last chapter, Kotohime had arrested a hooded individual for spoiling fanfictions in forums and chats.

Now that boy has escaped right before his interrogation, and it is up to the officer to catch this boy before he blows up the dam, poisons the fish, and sours the dumplings.

"What the hell was all that about?" asks Kotohime while looking away from the hooded boy.

"Willie, she and I just met, so cut the dramatics and get on with the scene. Besides, why would I sour the dumplings? They're delicious." calmly says the hooded boy.

Right then; intros:

The hooded boy wears... well, a black hooded jacket, blue jeans, a white button shirt, and his hair and eyes remain a mystery to us all.

"That's right mister obvious. That's the reason for the hood and I'm wearing," replies Nicolas, whom we didn't know his name until now.

Kotohime is glaring furiously at nowhere and making me very uncomfortable for spoiling stuff I wasn't supposed to spoil for you just yet, but she turns her eyes back to the boy and asks "and what's your problem, kid? Why did you throw an 'I Love Marisa' sticker into my collection pile?"

The boy pulls his hood off, revealing his dark blue, wavy hair and brown eyes, and angrily says "you will never strike me down for spoiling my own stories ever again, Miss Kotohime! Today I will defeat you, and you will show more respect to _me_!"

The princes policewoman snarls at the boy, takes a fighting stance, cracks her neck in a totally badass way, then says "oh, a big man. BRING IT, BRO!"

Nicolas chuckles slightly bend his knees, then rushes straight at the redhead.

He throws a punch to her face which she easily parries, then throws a kick to her hip that forces her to stumble forward.

Kotohime uses the momentum and lets herself fall, lands on her hands and uses them to spring backward, and then smashes her two conveniently spiked boots on his face.

Nicolas grabs her ankles and swings her around, throws her against a nearby building, then shoots several tiny danmaku shards at her from his fingertips, making himself look like certain villain from a certain movie series that take place in space.

The redhead swiftly runs away and shoots purple baton-like bands while moving right, avoiding the tiny bullets while damaging the boy.

Said boy is knocked off his feet after the sixth band hits him, but even while airborne he shoots the girl's head with impeccable accuracy.

Kotohime ducks to avoid the bullets, but those bullets blow the wall of the building behind her up, and the debris falls all over her, trapping her quite effectively.

Nicolas scoffs at her misfortune after getting back on his feet, then he pulls his hooded jacket off and reveals he's wearing a belt with a giant metal hammer, a metal bat, and a rubber chicken strapped behind him.

He takes the large hammer on hand, walks to the trapped woman, lifts his mighty weapon, and says "with this, I hope you learn your lesson in respect, you crazy cop!"

The boy swings that hammer with all his might and smashes to the right side of where the girl is, making a crater under the large weapon and sending her flying free, though the sleeve of her kimono gets trapped under the metal head and the whole thing is shredded to pieces as she flies off.

Kotohime's gorgeous athletic body is now almost fully revealed because of the tight white shirt with the gorgeous cleavage cutout, the thin yellow belt-string around her perfect waist, and the sexy tight white pants that show off her womanly curves almost indecently well.

After she lands and takes a fierce-looking fighting stance, Nicolas begins to drool while staring with awe at the girl, and then says "by the _GODS_, you are a GORGEOUS woman!"

He takes his rubber chicken on hand, swings it around like one would a pair of nunchucks, then he threateningly says "but that won't save you from my spell card! HAVE AT YOU!"

He lifts his right arm in the air and declares "darn it all, that's right. I never made one for myself!"

Kotohime's triumphant grin takes over her entire face while she flashes a spell card of her own, and sinisterly says "no spell card? That's a shame. I love flying through patterns. Oh well, here comes mine."

She lifts her spell card up to her evil smiling face, chuckles, then declares "You're Under Arrest, Under the Line of Brutality!"

Nicolas' skin bleaches when he sees that redhead woman rushing straight at him with a vicious grin that reveals her murderous intent, and in the blink of an eye he finds himself pinned down by the policewoman.

She has her left knee on his spine, the other on his left shoulder, has his hands tied behind his back with rope, and his forehead pressed hard on the floor.

The boy roars his frustration out loud after she lets him lift his face, then asks "what the heck was that? What just happen!? And where's the danmaku!?"

The sexy police princess laughs victoriously, says "look around," and while the boy looks at all the purple petal-shaped bullets around them, she excitedly continues "that's right, now comes the _brutality_ part."

Yellow lasers strike the ground all around them and send them both flying high through the sky, and as they scream, Rikako; who sits in the cockpit of a large humanoid mecha; laughs hard at them.

She lifts the machine's canon arm and exclaims "TAKE THAT! Ha! Science conquers all! Even fake curses!"

The mecha explodes so violently, the shockwave levels the entire west segment of the human village, and in just half a minute.

When the light from the explosion diminishes, all the houses are still mysteriously intact.

At the western gates of the village lie Shanghai, Hourai, Star, Rika, Alice and Nitori on their backs with hammers and nails to their sides while they pant with extreme fatigue.

The little fairy pants hard, and through quick breaths she manages to say "I don't... like hanging... around you guys... anymore!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the deepest parts of the Palanquin's bowels, the child Byakuren security hologram laughs mischievously, then she runs around in a circle before stopping and giggling more innocently.

In the center of her attention is Ail, whom is bound, gagged and sacked up to his neck, and is glaring at the tiny monster with plenty of anger in his eyes.

She notices his angry stare, giggles quite happily, and says "oh, don't worry. I'm sure sooner or later somebody will miss you and come looking for you. Eventually, that is."

Ail mutters angrily, probably trying to threaten her or something, but all he manages to do is make her laugh, then she merely walks closer to him, scratches his head, and playfully says "we all heard that one before, mister 'Stu'."

The dense one mutters angrily, but his anger is wasted on a little monster that enjoys the suffering of other souls that are unfortunate enough to cross her path.

A cute white rabbit crosses the little Byakuren's path; cheering happily to itself; then the little girl sighs and rolls her eyes, points a finger at the defenseless creature, then Letty Whiterock falls on the girl, crushing her hopes of causing pain to cute, defenseless creatures.

The woman has curly lavender hair, lavender eyes, and wears a white hat, a blue dress, ridiculous white pants, and has a golden pin symbolizing the alchemical symbol for silver.

The yuki onna rubs her head as she stands up, looks around while muttering about random holes and Willie G.R. being a crappy writer, and then she notices the little girl under herself and gasps.

"Oh my winter, I crushed a munchkin," says Letty as she stares at the moaning little (questionable) hologram. "Hey, are you alright little girl?"

The tiny Byakuren moans a little longer, then suddenly scowls and shouts "get off me you fat cow!"

"Why, I never," grumbles Letty after such an insult, and then she and the little terror scream when a perfectly round hole opens up underneath them.

Ail merely sighs and doesn't seem surprised at all, and then Seiga pops her head through the hole, looks around, and says "excellent! Now all I have to do is make this thing crash."

Nazrin appears behind the wicked hermit, is tapping her foot impatiently, has her hands on her hips, and is staring angrily at the blue haired woman.

Seiga turns around, looks at the mouse, lifts her right hand, and with a bright smile on her face, she says "hey, you, help me out, will 'ya?"

Nazrin pulls a wooden mallet from behind her back and smashes it on the woman's head with enough force to make the floorboard underneath her spring, thus sending the stowaway plummeting down, and herself flying against the wall.

Sanae drops from the dark ceiling wearing a smug smile and holding her right hand like a gun, looks around, exclaims "give me back Ail and Yuki!" then jumps away, disappearing into the darkness.

Right after Seiga's hole magically seals up, Rikako breaks through it and thuds hard when she lands on her back.

She sits up while rubbing her sore back and her shoulders, winces from the pain on her back, then sighs and says "who knew falling to the sky would hurt so much."

She gets on to her wobbly feet, looks at Ail, sighs, and then asks "and what happened t-WAAAAHHHH", but then she falls to and through the ceiling, leaving the boy alone again.

The boy sighs, looks around for a way to escape, though is feeling really depressed over the fact that everyone except Rikako ignored his presence, so he's not paying attention to the machete that's behind him and ready to cut him loose.

At that moment, Sunny Milk rushes to the room, knocks Ail on his back, looks around with despair, gasps when noticing the hole on the floor, and then dives right through it.

Seconds later, Shadow Kyo enters the area looking angry, exhausted, but determined, steps on Ail, crushing his shoulders and legs, then furiously shouts "give me back Rikako, you evil little magic fiend!"

He dives into the hole Sunny jumped in, and can be heard screaming after realizing he's falling straight to the ground.

As his screams get fainter, the little blonde fairy flies back inside the ship, chuckles mischievously, then runs back toward the stairs up to the deck.

Ail is left on the ground, sniffling and sobbing, and now no more characters are going to pop their heads around here, so let's move on.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Hakurei Shrine, a particular guest has just lifted the veil on what was one of the most boring days for dear Reimu; at the expense of someone else, of course.

This guest is a male with hazel eyes, thick brown hair, and wears a red t-shirt and blue jeans under a black coat.

His name is Wolfsbane, and for some reason I don't understand, Cirno is clinging on to his neck and refuses to let him go, though he doesn't seem to mind at all.

Reimu and Rika walk out of the shrine to join their guest on the veranda, and the happy shrine maiden coos to get his attention, smiles sweetly at him, waves her hand, then sits down next to him after having made him blush.

The angelic maid walks to him with a tray with tea on hand, offers the tea, and says "thank you for waiting. She's ready now, so we can start whenever you're ready."

The boy nods as he accepts his tea mug and says "alright. I'm ready now, so let's see."

The ice fairy scowls, then says "come on Wolfie! You promised we would go on an adventure today!"

The boy pats Cirno on the head twice, smiles, and says "sorry Cirno, but this is kind of important."

"Um, I changed my mind! I don't want to do this!" calls Tenshi from behind the doors of the storage house.

Everybody frowns (Rika and Reimu looking the most disappointed), and then Rika sweetly says "aww, but you look so cute! Please~! You made Miss Reimu so happy. It would make me very, very happy to see you too."

Reimu merely nods while pouting ever so adorably, then the celestial replies "really? No kidding? ...Alright then, but let it be known I'm doing it for _you_, Rika, and not for that pervert I'm being forced to entertain."

Wolfsbane merely scoffs at that remark and sips on his tea, while the shrine maiden claps and cheers silently.

And so, out comes Tenshi Hinanai wearing a pink sleeveless leotard with rose stockings and a glittery, frilly, rose skirt.

The outfit clings on her body so well, her surprisingly small yet generous breasts can no longer hide, her gorgeous hips seem to be those of an angel, and her round and curvy and round posterior remains exposed, even with the frilly skirt on her.

Her cute face turns twice as adorable when her cheeks turn from rose to red while she looks down to the ground while she rubs her right foot over her left, and holds her hands behind her back while shifting her body uncomfortably.

Reimu's eyes sparkle with stars as she delights herself by the sight, and smiles innocently and dreamily toward blushing celestial.

Rika is flapping her tiny wings uncontrollably, betraying the calm front she's trying to put up. It is plainly obvious she wants to jump the celestial.

Wolfsbane tries hard to look calm, and almost succeeds too if it weren't for the blood rushing down his nostrils, and his trembling lips as well.

He stands up, claps his hands once, bows his head at the blue haired girl, and says "this is oh-so delighting. I think you for your hard work. Now please, dance as we agreed you would."

Tenshi's eyes become puppy-like as she glances upward toward the boy; almost destroying him with cuteness overload in the process; and whimpers while shaking her head.

A small vein pops on Wolfs' forehead, yet he manages to smile and say "come on, we had an agreement. Just a small dance and I'm off, back to my own fic."

The celestial shakes her head left and right and meekly cries "no. It's embarrassing. I don't wanna."

The boy sighs while holding his mouth, thinks for a while, then says "alright then, since you are not upholding your end of the deal, I challenge you to a danmaku battle, and if I win, I want to see that dance!"

The shy celestial doesn't answer, and now crosses her arms over her chest while curling up.

Wolfsbane sighs again, takes a spell card on hand, and says "fine, but remember that you made me do this. Emblem of- ...Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to bully you."

Aya lands on the boy's head and stands on one leg, cutting his concentration and causing him to immediately drop his spell card, thus making Tenshi the victor of the non-fight.

She takes a picture of the adorable celestial, then exclaims "the supposedly-tomboyish celestial in such a pretty girly getup? This will make it to the front page for sure!"

"I'll get her!" exclaims Cirno before shooting a freezing cold blast from her hands and falling off Wolfsbane's back.

The tengu girl is already in the air, laughing victoriously as she prepares to leave, but Suzaku swoops down from out of nowhere and tackles her back to the ground, telepathically saying "_you just don't learn, do you!?_"

While Aya screams as though she is being skinned alive, Rika activates her Soraogan blood limit to accept Tenshi into her arms, covers her up well while holding her tight, and softly says "there, there, it's alright Momoko. It's all over. I'll protect you."

The poor celestial sniffles on the maid's shoulder and whimpers "thank you Rika. I love you. You are a real friend."

She fails to notice the blushing face on the maid, or the fact that she's being held on to too tightly, seeing as those soft feathers appear to relax her greatly.

Meanwhile, Reimu stands next to Cirno and shakes her head in disappointment while the distressed fairy exclaims "I swear, I thought I hit the bird girl!"

Their concern is aimed toward Wolfsbane, who is now inside the center of a rather large iceberg made by the ice fairy herself.

The blue haired fairy sniffles, looks at Reimu, and begs "please, do something! He gave me really tasty food this morning!"

The shrine maiden shakes her head while shrugging, then a couple of angels sing while they rise from the ground and head toward heaven, effectively getting the girls' (and frozen boy's) attention.

From the spot the angels rose from slowly rises Okuu, wearing a white robe and a shawl over her black wings.

She smiles at the little fairy and cheerfully says "don't worry, I'll get him out."

Before little Cirno can protest, Utsuho lifts her arm cannon and declares "Explosion Sign, Giga Flare!"

A bright flash of atomic light can be seen from the Human Village, and all attention now turns to the east.

While the villagers stare, they all suddenly narrow their eyes and shield themselves from the sun while staring at a human shape spinning in the air.

"That's Rikako," comments Kotohime, who still lacks her kimono and is getting plenty of attention from both men and women.

And like she said, Rikako is spinning in the air as she flies away from the Hakurei shrine, screaming at the top of her lungs "**WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY~**"

Meanwhile, at the largest mansion in the village, Akyuu runs through the halls of her home while angrily shouting "quit it you pervert! I'm I don't like Aky-poo as a nickname, so STOP IT!"

Behind her, Minako runs as though chasing after a lover, while almost crying "awww, then how about AKyuu-chan! Oh, but it's so redundant! YOU ARE SO CUTE!"

A washtub falls so hard on the servant's head; she comes to an abrupt stop with her head as the breaks and everything settles down again.

The cute chronicler keeps five feet away while inspecting the bump on her servant's head, then suddenly writes down furiously on a notepad when five tiny Koakumas fly above the pervert's bump, singing "koa~ KOA~, Ko-koa~, Ko-ko-koKOA~"

One of the tiny little demons flies toward Akyuu, spins once in the air, and sings in 'La Cucaracha's' style "kokokoko~A- kokokoko~A- ...ko-koko-koko-koa- CHA-CHA-CHA!"

* * *

That afternoon, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Yumeko in her sexy leotard fiddles around with a gun-shaped item on a small table she's adorned with an elegant napkin.

Behind her is Mai, who has placed an elegant skirt around her waist to cover her sexy legs, and appears to stand ready to follow any kind of command from the blonde maid.

To her left is Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, whom has her green hair lose, and reaching down to her lower back, has blue eye, and although standing in attention, she looks relaxed.

She would usually wear an elaborate outfit in blue, red and white with golden adornments, but since she's in the mood for fun, she's only wearing a metallic-blue leotard with metallic-black stockings, and a pair of pink slippers.

Her girly frame looks wonderfully curvy, her chest is surprisingly average, and her legs; her best assets; make those stockings look perfect for her.

The winged ice witch glances over at the Yama, and asks "say, what are you doing here? And why does it look like you're not in charge, like you should be?"

The green haired girl smiles, winks, then says "like the author just said; I'm in the mood for fun, so I won't be lecturing or judging while on this fiction. Heh-heh, I am wondering what kind of mischief I'll get dragged into?"

Mai shivers with fright as she stares at Eiki, and after her face turns slightly pale, she thinks "_she is SO out of character! This author is insane! He's gonna get FLAMED FOR THIS!_"

"Shiki!" barks Yumeko so suddenly, making Mai choke when gasping.

The cute Yama steps forward, accepts a small mallet and a nail, then bows her head slightly and says "it will be done, Chief Maid"

After Eiki disappears, Mai's face turns blue with fright while thinking "_this is nuts! What is going on here? What is she doing with that hammer and nail? Why do I keep thinking so much stuff at once!?_"

"Mai~" sweetly calls the blonde maid, making said girl so nervous, she shivers while walking.

Yumeko hands the winged girl a long rubber cable, a thick, rubbery flat stub with a pair of flat holes, and two small copper plates, and says "go with Shikieiki, and make sure you two finish the job."

The nervous ice witch nods twice and says "hai!", then rushes off to the deck while Yumeko starts cackling like a maniac, apparently overexcited about something; something big.

Meanwhile, Mai makes her way to the deck, looks around for Shikieiki, finds her stalking Shinki in the captain's cabin, and squeaks a "what?" as she begins her walk toward them.

She suddenly stops and gasps; leaving her now-square-shaped mouth wide open; drops the items entrusted to her, then runs to the cabin while screaming "NOOOOOO! SHINKIIIIIII!"

Eiki lifts the small mallet and places the nail on the Makaian goddess' head, takes careful aim, and then the ice witch enters the room, jumps on the Yama, the green haired girl ducks, the winged girl crashes on the sleeping goddess, and while Eiki hammers the wall, the chair, Shinki and Mai make a complete mess of the cabin as their bodies roll and pinball all around the room.

After everything settles down, the smiling judge giggles to herself and says "a job well done. ...Oh?" and that's when she notices the senseless destruction around her and whispers "wow, these girls know how to have fun."

The flipped table flies to the ceiling and falls back to the ground (with its chairs all back in their place), then Shinki rises from where the table was and furiously asks "Mai, what is the meaning of this!? Seriously child, I could have expected this of Yuki, but _you_!? Explain yourself!"

Mai lies on her back with her arms lightly lifted while her hands are bent down in a very cute manner, and after some whimpering she finally speaks up.

"I'm so sorry Lady Shinki! I thought the Yama was going to nail you on the head! Please forgive me! Don't turn me into a cyclops!"

The sexy goddess raises an eyebrow in confusion, mutters "the Yama?", turns around to look at the waving Eiki, waves back while staring in confusion, then says "someone will have to explain this one to me."

"It's simple," begins Yumeko from the doorway. Lightning and thunder clash behind her, startling her and causing a sweat drop to betray her charismatic smile, then says "I was building something very useful for my Lady Shinki, and Miss Shiki was helping me, while Mai would assist her."

She scratches the side of her head and adds "but I never thought she would go all 'Yuki' on me and act on impulse like that. ...Ten points will be deducted from your chocolate syrup jar."

Mai moans and cries her discontent, but merely pokes her fingers while pouting and saying "I get it. I'm sorry."

The maid sighs, and then the goddess notices the blonde holding something under a blanket, and cutely points at it and asks "Yumeko dear, what's that you got there?"

The blonde smiles, twirls around dramatically, and announces "I, with the help of Miss Eiki, have finally perfected the revolutionary..."

She pulls the covers off a white blow-dryer with elegant golden adornments, and attached to it is the rubber string, stub and metal bands Mai had dropped, revealing them to be the electric plug needed for the machine to work.

Yumeko spins around, taking dramatic poses after every revolution, then raises the item above her head and declares "...Super Perfectly Elegant Blow-Dryer! Yumeko-enhanced; for Lady Shinki's personal use!"

Mai and Shinki both clap while ooh-ing, then the maid approaches the Yama and asks "and so, is it ready yet, Miss Shikieiki!?"

Eiki smiles and nods, points toward the lower part of the wall that stood beside the chair Shinki was sitting on, and says "ready for its immediate use. It absorbs the energy around us and converts it to the needed electricity for that dryer to work."

They stare at the white electrical plug, the maid grins, plugs the blow-dryer, and eagerly says "excellent. Lady Shinki, if you please. I would like to give you a demonstration."

Shinki is already sitting on the chair with a very happy smile on her face, and happily says "oh please; and comb my hair while you're at it. I just love it when Yumeko combs my hair."

The maid blushes and sighs with delight while holding on to her cheeks and while in that state of bliss she prepares the blow-dryer and speaks wobbly "alright then. Please be seated."

The Makaian goddess eagerly shifts her body while on her chair, smiling brightly in expectance of the treatment she's about to receive, and then it happens.

Yumeko sets the dryer on low, aims it at the chunk of Shinki's hair she's holding, presses the button, and a lime-green beam zaps right out of the machine.

Shinki instinctively dives to the floor, and Mai gasps and jumps out of the way of the beam, while the blonde maid smiles with shock toward nowhere in particular while still firing that beam.

Outside, the Scarlet Demon Ark is cut in half by the beam, the Unnamed Ghostly Ship explodes exaggeratedly hard, the Palanquin dismantles on its own, and the S.S. In Your Face Murasa catches fire once more, all while Rikako is trapped in a bubble while inside a giant pinball machine that keeps beating her to a pulp.

Back at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Yumeko, Mai and Shinki are on their knees, while Shikieiki paces left and right in front of them, saying "...and furthermore, just because you live in Makai doesn't mean you can do as you please all the time. You have to do one good deed a day, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and NOT! BUILD! Doomsday devices; and that goes double for you, Miss maid!"

A perfectly round hole opens up under the Yama, sending her plummeting to the ground below, as she has, apparently, forgotten she can fly. How fun.

Seiga pops her head out of the hole, looks around, and then exclaims "oh wow, this place looks expensive. Mind if I have a look around?"

Yumeko glowers as she raises a golden washtub, smashes it on the wicked hermit's head, and then an unnecessarily bright explosion turns the whole scene white.

Moments later, at a clearing on the Forest of Magic, the girls groan as they get off the ground, while others look up to the sky with wonder.

Even Eiki notices the lack of falling debris, so she joins the other girls and looks up to the sky.

She gasps with surprise when she sees all five ships floating in the air without a scratch on them, then she comments "but it's the end of this chapter. So far, on all the other chapters, the debris crushes every unfortunate soul on the ground. What happened?"

At the center of the clearing, Shanghai, Hourai, Nitori, Luna, Star, Alice, Rika, and Rikako lie on their backs with their hammers on the side while panting hard and fast.

The science woman groans, takes a deep breath of fresh air, and says "how did I even get here?"

* * *

That early evening, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, Shanghai and Hourai are being treated to anything they want by the five captains, all while Sanae and Yuki try to convince the furious Ail that they really didn't see him in the furnace when they turned it on, and on full blast.

Budou is sharing a table with Hina; the former enjoying a grape sundae, while the latter enjoys a key-lime pie; and they chat and laugh casually while looking at Yumemi's face, while said girl keeps glaring at adult Remilia's jiggling chest over there.

The entrance door bangs open, and all attention goes straight to the roaring kittens trying to maim Rikako Asakura, who is full of bloody cuts, bruises, and her leotard has holes on several spots.

"BACK! BACK, YOU EVIL LITTLE BEASTS!" shouts the scientist at the kittens hissing at the door, ignoring Shadow Kyo's calls for help while the kittens shred his life to bits.

She manages to kick the little cats' faces and close the door, then presses her back against it while placing a hand on her nice chest while breathing hard and fast through her mouth.

She spots Hina and Budou, jumps to their table, lands on the floor next to said table, grabs the goddess' boot, then cries "PLEASE, FORGIVE ME! I swear, I won't doubt your powers again! Please, please, pleeeeaaase, take this curse away before I die!"

Shadow Kyo screams as though his life is being taken from him several times at once, but nobody seems to really care.

Kyo notices him, grabs a mug of beer from the counter, shrugs, then says "he'll be alright." before taking a swig from that mug.

Hina looks down at Rikako, smiles smugly, picks the woman up by her cheeks, and softly says "well, I am so glad for you. You finally understand you shouldn't underestimate that which logic can't comprehend."

The curse goddess presses her lips against the purple haired woman's own and threatens to suck the life out of her while everybody around them 'ooh' and 'aah' at the sight (some even recording the event with inexplicable camcorders), and then she stops.

Still holding the science woman by the face, she gently pushes her away, whispers "mmm~ what a nice kiss," and then she smiles, lets Rikako drop to the ground, and says "there. All your misfortunes have been taken into me."

Hina takes a bite off her key-lime pie, coos, and says "you had so much too. Were you holding it back all this time? That's very unhealthy."

Rikako springs on her feet, grabs the goddess' hand and shakes it hard while excitedly saying "I don't care for that suggestive dialogue just now, I just want to THANK YOU SO MUCH! I love you!"

She hugs the aquamarine haired goddess, kisses her on the cheek, laughs happily while hugging her tight, then pushes her back to her seat and says "right! Now it's time to get to work on that project!"

She rushes to the door, opens it to find sweet little kitten begging to be pet, sighs at their sight, and says "I'm sorry little kitties, but I have a job to do."

She picks the cut, bruised and moaning mess that's Shadow Kyo from beneath the cats, wraps him under her arm, and takes flight while shouting "come on my assistant! It's time to CREATE!"

The boy whose spirit is escaping through his mouth moans as a reply as he hangs limp like a rag doll under the woman's surprisingly strong arms.

ONE MONTH LATER:

Rikako and Shadow Kyo stand in the corridor of the Scarlet Devil Mansion's basement where they are handing over the child-sized, automated blonde doll to the child Flandre.

The blonde vampire sniffs the little doll, yelps and jumps back when said doll raises her hand to greet her new playmate, and then Flan jump-hugs her until it explodes on her face.

The adult Remilia is about to lose her head with anger when the doll suddenly recomposes itself, greets Flandre again, then punches her in the eye, knocking her out cold on the ground.

Everybody blushes and seem to merely coo at the development, then they all laugh when that same doll grabs Flandre by the legs and drags her into the room, ready to do who-knows-what to the poor vampire.

Everybody laughs, and then they all walk away to the mansion's exit.

Watching everything from the distance, Alice narrows her eyes when she sees her chance to attack and says "let's go."

Shanghai pulls back on the blonde youkai and whispers "wait mama Alice. I feel a disturbance in the f*rce!"

Hourai bumps her sister on the head and says "that's copyright stuff that is!"

Alice holds her two little girls by the head and sweetly says "don't worry my dears; I'm just going to observe that doll. If I can understand how it works, maybe I'll be a step closer to making my own automated doll."

She lets their heads go, crawls from under the carpet, and whispers "now come on. Who knows how long that doll will last with that vampire."

She rushes over to the door, opens it as quietly as she can, peeks inside, and then she's naked under the blankets on her own bed, with the naked little Flandre to her left, and the smoking doll to the right.

Alice looks completely unamused as she stares at her ceiling, then whispers to herself "what the _fuck_ just happen?"

The little vampire giggles sweetly, grabs the puppeteer's hand, places it on her own little chest, and softly says "you are really good."

The magician's face turns purple with fright when thoughts of what could have happened rush through her mind, and then, from the floor, Patchouli weakly says "mukyuu. N-next time, don't be so rough!"

Alice springs on to a sitting position, looks down to the right of her bed, and on the floor are a conveniently covered naked Patchouli, and the conveniently covered Shanghai and Hourai, panting hard while on their backs.

Hourai takes several quick breaths, smacks her lips to wet her dry mouth, and then asks "what the heck kind of punch-line is this, Willie!?"

* * *

Yuka grabs the camera, pulls it to her gorgeous breasts, pulls it up to her furious face, then says "hey, Willie, where the heck is MY scene!? You've been writing quite a few of these 'Almost Pirates' crap chapters, WITHOUT ME!"

She pulls the top of her shirt open to show off her glorious cleavage and angrily adds "I am much more sexy than these other girls, so get your damned act straight, and get me into a swimsuit, or a leotard; something sexy! I AM SEXY, Willie, and don't you DARE say otherwise, you hear me!?"

The scene begins to face, and she furiously shouts "wait, I'm not done with you! You come back here! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Budou, Kimi, and Kyo were created by Willie G.R.

Kotohime's spell card: "You're Under Arrest, Under the Line of Brutality" was created by Willie G.R.

Rika and Suzaku were created by Snapshot 2010 (who might get a cameo appearance in here someday *evil smile*)

Damien was created by Hydroviper

Special cameo appearances by: "Nicolas Crossworth, and Wolfsbane706. Go ahead and search for them, then read their fics. I command you! Please?

SEP 25 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Yup. I went insane. Was inspired to write this madness after something interesting happened. But now I feel I want to return to Reset Sukima, so I better get to it before Yuka gets me, or Yukari spanks me.**

* * *

Yukari: Too late! *Holds a thick paddle*

Me: Oh shit! *Tries to run away*

Yukari: U-fu-fu-fu. I am going to enjoy this. *Has Willie on her lap*

Me: Oh shit, how the heck did I get here!? *Looks at paddle* OH NO!

Flandre: *Is laughing diabolically while Willie is being spanked* Take THAT, you stupid, evil, idiot-head of a bastard!


	15. Chapter 15

It is a beautiful early morning at the Moriya Shrine, and Ail is sitting at the veranda with Budou to his side; both enjoying a nice warm cup of tea made by Suwako, the only other person awake at the moment.

It appears to be a nice beginning for a very peaceful day, as even the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow is sleeping contently on a branch with its feathers puffed for comfort, and his head sunk under his wing.

The blonde goddess steps out of the living room, places her hands on her hips, looks to the sky, and says "it's way too peaceful today. Something's gonna happen soon."

***BLAM***

A cabinet falls right on top of the goddess and sinks under the ground with her, then pops right back up in front of the dense boy and the cute fruit bat. No signs of Suwako, but they don't seem to mind.

The duo sip on their teacups, then the cute little bat youkai says "it's a cabinet," then narrows her eyes as she studies it, and then she adds "I think we should walk away while we can, papa."

Ail is already all over the cabinet, but stops after his little daughter's suggestion, looks back at her, and says "..." but before that, Suwako roars as she bursts out of the ground with a furious face.

She lands next to the boy, points at him, and says "NO WAY! You open that thing! It's the way this chapter is supposed to go!"

"You're just sore because it landed on your head, big sister." casually comments Budou before taking another sip of her tea.

Kero-chan lifts her hands above her head and roars in an attempt to terrify the bat; which utterly fails; and shouts "just LET HIM open the damned thing before the author gets bored!"

Anilan shrugs, looks at the teal-haired bat, shrugs with her, then turns around and opens the cabinet doors.

Inside the cabinet, the dense boy sees a beautiful meadow that expands as far as an ocean, and fairies, pixies, and sprites (not the game-type of sprites), laugh and giggle amongst themselves while playing various games of tag, sexy tag, and dirty sexy-_sexy_ tag.

Anilan swears he saw an innocent underage pixie and a childish sprite playing dirty **_SEXY_** adult tag, but he shakes the idea off as the scenery changes.

The fae clear the scene, and then shortly after, a translucent purple tentacle monster runs (or sorta slithers... um, slides... something) with all its might as it cries for help.

It's very peculiar for the dense Anilan to see such a large creature running in fear and crying like a child, but understands his fright shortly after seeing what has the poor creature so scared.

Koakuma, who is a lot smaller than the creature, and wears a red sling-shot swimsuit, _and_ has an ahoge standing up as straight as a stalagmite, chases after the creature with tenacity; her eyes revealing lust and madness.

She has a drooling smile, hearts are flying all over her head, her un-hidden tail wiggles around playfully, and she holds several toys on her hands; which happen to be pressed against her chest, which causes her breasts to seem bigger than usual while being quite free from much covering.

She notices Ail looking, smiles and calls "hi~! Please excuse me, but I have some very important business here. Ciao~"

The dense one merely nods once, hears the poor tentacle beast scream like a horror-movie diva, and then gulps when the sexy little devil's cackle echoes all over.

"But..."

Ail's head explodes before he can voice his understandable confusion, the cabinet's doors close, and the furniture takes flight; with flames that mimic that of a rocket.

The boy's body turns around, as though facing the casual little bat that mutters "I told you," and the shocked-to-a-heart-attack Suwako.

He scratches what's left of his neck, then sighs and says "I have a headache."

The blonde goddess gasps with disgust, then shouts "NO! Just... NO, AIL! That's _not_ funny! Gods DAMN it all!"

She walks inside the house, flips over a conveniently placed desk, then mutters angrily under her breath while storming to the bathroom.

The headless Ail now sits next to Budou and is pouring the tea on the hole where his head was, smacks... something similar to lips, then asks "what's her problem?

The little bat just rolls her eyes, and then says "Just roll with it. It's going to be a long one."

* * *

That very moment, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Shikieiki, who is in a dark blue leotard that's black on the bottom part, and shows off her gorgeous figure and surprisingly generous breasts, is seriously kicking Makaian asses as if it were a mere morning warm-up stretch.

She jumps over Sara's attempted kick and flip-kicks her butt before landing, side-steps left to avoid Yumeko's sword, grab the blonde's arm, easily flips her and throws her head-first on to the hard flooring, then smacks her butt with her Rod of Remorse.

"KOMACHIIII~!" she calls as she bends backward to avoid a giant, razor-sharp snowflake, then a girl with pinkish-red hair in twin tails, red eyes, and wearing a white leotard with red flames adorning the right and bottom, jumps on top of Mai's head, crushing the girl beneath herself, and slaps her jiggly butt for good measure.

The gorgeous shinigami grabs the border of her leotard's cleavage cut; which coincidentally does almost nothing to cover those large lewd breasts; and tries to pull it up, but doing so causes the tight suit to ride up her round posterior, so she immediately grabs back there and pulls it back down, almost popping her sexy mounds out of their constricting prison.

"Eiki-sama," she sniffles, "couldn't you find something more comfortable?" cries the Amazonian beauty. "I swear I feel as though this suit was _MADE_ by some pervert who wants to see my body constricted."

Shikieiki smacks her subordinate on the head with the Rod of Remorse, and sternly says "Komachi, we do not complain about the author's perverted imagination. We simply go along and enjoy the ride. Besides, we can get him and beat him up when it's his turn to be judged."

A smile creeps itself onto the pink-haired girl's face, then the action resumes when she jumps off Mai to avoid Luize's palm strike (which happens to hit Mai's bottom), lands behind the blonde, locks her arms under the Makaian's armpits, then the Yama smiles while tickling the girl's pits with a feather.

Once the blonde is defeated and dropped on the ground on top of the ice witch, Shikieiki slaps that raised, round posterior with the back of her hand, causing a satisfying jiggle to occur, then the girl move toward the captain's quarters.

Komachi looks back and sees that there's not only Makaian's, but there's Mystia, Wriggle, cat-eared Maribel, and even Rikako lying on the floor with either a palm, or a rod, or both marks on their butts.

The shinigami laughs nervously, and says "well, you've been busy."

A tiny blonde doll in a light blue leotard crashes against the meaty girl's face, then the Yama says "watch out Komachi; this one's tough;" just before that doll explodes.

Alice Margatroid stands in front of the bowels doors with a brave and determined look on her face, AND a sexy light-blue leotard with a nice cleavage cut that allows for a nice peek without showing too much.

Hers also comes with integrated shorts that make it look as though she's wearing a g-string over black lycra shorts. "Aww, COME ON" complains the burned Komachi.

To her left, Shanghai wears a dark blue leotard, and to her right, Hourai wears a dark red leotard with a long-sleeved, long-legged black body suit underneath.

The blue-clad tiny blonde exclaims "don't worry, mama Alice!", the red-clad cutie exclaims "we won't let you down!", then the puppeteer exclaims "good! Let's spank The Enma's butt!"

Shikieiki grins at the girls as she takes a fighting stance, Komachi rubs her face clean of the soot, then glares angrily at the blonde magician and her tiny daughters, then the letters 'V' and 'S', along with sparks of lightning, appear between them.

A couple of yellow life bars appear above the girls; three over Alice, Shanghai and Hourai, and two over Shikieiki and Komachi; and the battle begins!

Fist, Komachi steps into a now-semi-2D scene with Alice, but the blonde quickly jumps out of the scene and calls for Shanghai and Hourai.

They immediately charge the shinigami, and crash on her soft and bouncy boobs, where they immediately sigh and hold on tight before relaxing to a sleeping state. They are THAT comfortable.

The Amazonian shinigami grins as a red vein pulsates on her forehead, she grabs the two cute blondes by the torsos, spread her arms apart (poor Shanghai gasps because she knows damned well what comes next), and then she smashes both little girls together with a mighty clap, emptying their life bars completely.

Alice is forced back into the scene, where she gasps and calls for her little girls, however, the fight is still on, and Komachi jumps away from the scene while saying "enjoy the rest, Eiki-sama."

Just as the cute Yama enters the scene, the puppeteer pulls the complaining Yuki out of her pockets and says "**_you_** burn in hell!"

The blonde fire witch looks around in confusion, then asks "what the hell is going on here!?", but that's when Eiki winds her Rod of Remorse, makes it grow ten times its own size, and swings it with all her might.

Poor Yuki turns around at that very moment, and receives the most epic, painful, heart-stopping spanking of her life, and all thanks to dear sister Alice.

Before said blonde puppeteer realizes what happens, Shiki performs a ridiculously complicated button combination, rushes toward Alice while leaving quick-vanishing after-images of herself behind, then everything becomes black.

The horrifying things that could be happening to the puppeteer at this very moment are many, but censoring prevents us from seeing what she's going through, though we can see how her life bar empties out in a second while she screams, moans and groans.

The scene lights up again, and Alice's scream echoes three times as she flies in the air in slow motion with her legs spread open (and remain spread even after she falls), then the Yama stands with her back turned as the words "Fanservice Wins" appear in gold above her head.

With all their opponents defeated, and the world returning to normal, Komachi is revealed to be blushing and panting hard while staring at her boss, and showing no signs of restrain whatsoever, she says "hey, Eiki-sama, you look real good in that there body suit."

The green haired girl sticks her now-gloved-clawed fingers into her subordinate's nose, then pulls her to the captains quarter's while nonchalantly saying "let's go Komachi; and please don't fall to temptation so quickly."

In the ship's bowels, they quickly read "The Captain's Room" on the first door they see.

Eiki kicks-open the door with a bang, then Shinki, Byakuren, Yukari and Yuyuko gasp in unison with surprise from within.

"You're late!" exclaims the Makaian goddess. "We were about to continue without you!"

The women sit on rather comfortable-looking chairs around a mahjong table, where pieces are set in place, and a game seems to have already been under way.

Shikieiki bows after releasing Komachi's nose, apologizes, then says "had some trouble getting back, but now that I'm here, let's continue."

"MAHJONG!?" screams the furiously confused shinigami after suddenly rising from the floor. "We kicked asses in tight dresses just to get to a game of mahjong you had **already _STARTED!?_**"

"Well, yes." casually replies the green haired Yama. "Where's the fun in just walking back in?"

Komachi turns around, faces a conveniently placed desk, roars when she flips it; crushing Meiling underneath it (for no real reason); then storms off on her own, muttering curses, as well as cussing my name and promising vengeance on me, the author.

I am... admittedly frightened.

* * *

Somewhere in the pitch-black bowels of the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Yuyuko runs as though her life depended on it.

Her face is full of dirt and bruises, cuts invade her gorgeous body, what little blood runs through her stains her white shirt and cool pirate outfit, and all while she pants hard and looks around in horror.

"All of this just because I won at mahjong; or is this for eating Byakuren's buns?" she asks herself while running.

The sound of boxes and metal falling to the ground behind her unsettles her not-beating heart, makes her feel cold-er, and she pants harder and faster than before, almost seeming lewd.

She finds a door and turns the knob in the blindness of the dark. Upon entering the room, she is gifted some light, but is cursed with the fact that the room is wide, is stacked with boxes, barrels, and random stuff, but has no other exit.

She still enters it, goes all the way to the back, then something fast enters with her; moving too fast to make anything out of it, and hides behind the boxes and barrels stacked on the right side.

Yuyuko whimpers with every pant as she tries to claw her way out of the room, knocking some cardboard covers off the walls to reveal ONE Medicine behind them.

The poor doll youkai doesn't even realize what happens when the ghostly pirate princess picks her up, and throws her to the right side of the room, causing an explosion of purple clouds to invade said room.

Yuyuko walks out of the room, coughing hard even though she lacks actual lungs to be suffocated, fans her hand under her nose, then rushes off back into the darkness, followed quickly by the speedy blur.

Her sexy panting resumes as she runs down those dark corridors, and now that she's reaching parts where there's a little bit of light, we can enjoy seeing her chest bouncing around as she runs.

The service goes as far as having her shirt get stuck on a misplaced wall nail, ripping the fabric and making the cleavage cut even wider; wide enough for us to admire her pink flowers bra holding her bouncy pearls in.

Let's wipe the drool off our mouths and continue.

She can see the light of the outside further into the corridors. It's teasing her with its shining brightness; mocking her as that creature gets closer and closer to her.

Her whimpering become cries as she tries to run faster, but as soon as she speeds up, her feet tangle and she falls on her gorgeous breasts... and her face afterward.

She resorts to crawling as fast as she can to continue her run, but her chaser grabs her by the ankles, turns her around by force, jumps on top of her, then she screams softly for a bit, then sexily says "oh my goodness. I'm going to be eaten. Mmm~"

She sighs as Mystia gets her face closer to the princess' neck, and then the night sparrow whispers "gah~. I am going to eat you~"

A door to their immediate right bursts open, and Youmu quickly draws Hakurouken and demands "get off her before I cut your head off, bird girl!"

Before the pink haired bird jumps off with fright, the pink haired princess scowls at her gardener and says "calm down, Youmu. We're merely playing 'Mokele-Mbembe' horror story, H version!"

"Yeah, go bother someone else!" demands Mystia after getting some courage.

The swordswoman blushes with both embarrassment and because of the pheromones in the air, when a door to the girls' immediate left bursts-open with a bang.

Yoshika groans with frustration after seeing Mystia on top of Yuyuko, and angrily says "dammit, that's not FAIR! I wanted to eat the princess!"

She grabs the edges of a conveniently placed table (where Medicine is currently standing), then flips it with all her might and a mighty roar, then she hops away through a door that reads "Angry Exit Only".

With their game ruined, Yuyuko and Mystia sigh as they sit on the corridor, open up the pineapple, then begin to chow down with bored expressions.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the privacy of a certain captain's quarters, on a certain Scarlet Demon Ark, which shall remain unmentioned... never mind; the curvaceous Adult Remilia sits in front of a desk where she's placed a sheet of ice.

On her two middle fingers of both hands she has placed tiny ice-skates, a tutu, a blonde wig on her left hand, and a light-blue wig on the right.

She studies her hands carefully before placing them on the ice sheet, looks around as though waiting for something, then sighs and smiles, and then she begins to cheer silently, making as though there's a multitude.

As she does this, she makes as if her hands are ice skating in perfect synchronization while whispering "and the crowd stares in awe at the beautiful Remilia, and her not-so beautiful sister's performance on the ice."

The doors bursts open with a bang, the vampire yelps and hides her hands between her legs, now Sakuya stands under the doorway with a neutral expression while her mistress shrieks "WHA-WHAT IS IT!? Can't you knock first!?"

The elegant maid's expression remains neutral as she salutes her mistress with a punch to the chest, and says "Mistress Remilia, I did not see you playing Ice-Skating Princess with your hands again!"

"What the hell are you copying there, you bitch?" mutters the vampire under her breath. "Out with it! What is it now!?" demands the curvy woman, making her own chest jiggle about.

The elegant chief maid raises an eyebrow while eying her mistress' breasts, and blushes a bit while saying "you'll be pleased to know breakfast is being served soon, but Flandre ripped Patchouli's skirt off, and now it's raining tight white panties in the kitchen, so we'll be dining in the guest room with the goddesses."

"And...?" questions Remilia while giving the silver-haired girl a dismissive look.

"And, seeing as there are panties flying everywhere, we have decided to make it a skirtless feast, so please make sure to wear those new tight panties I bought for you."

A drop of sweat rolls on the side of the vampire's face, and her eyes disappear under a dark shadow, then she says "you're a real pervert, but I'll play along with the skirtless feast. Just don't expect me to wear those. They're disgusting and lewd."

"Understood," says the maid with a bow, and before long, she's already sliding out the room and closing the door after herself.

A sigh of relief escapes dear Remilia, but then she notices Kanako standing next to her with a smile on her face, and freaks out so much, she swallows her own yelp.

Feeling great pain on her chest from having swallowed a scream, Remilia drops on her knees while gripping her chest tightly, then the goddess leans closer, presents her own hands adorned on the same manner as Remilia's (only one is dark-blue haired), and cheerfully whispers "are you game?"

The mistress calms down after a few breaths, smiles after returning to her seat, and then places her hands on the ice sheet again, along with the wind goddess' own.

They restart the game of synchronized ice skating, making it easier to perform now that there's an extra set of hands, and when comfortable enough, they start whispering and giggling.

The door bursts open with a bang, Remilia flips the desk, Kanako screams as she is crushed between the desk and the wall, then Sakuya enters the room with blood hanging under her nose and a desperate look in her eyes, and exclaims "PLEASE PUT THEM ON! I WANT TO SEE THEM ON YOUR PERFECT BODY!"

"No means NOOOO!" screams the distressed vampire after jumping on her feet. She takes off running to the corner of the room, winds her arm back to break a new opening on the wall with her fist, and then she suddenly finds herself lying on the bed in a pair of black bras and thongs, with Sakuya on top of her.

"Get OFF ME before I kill you, you pervert!" demands the vampire mistress.

The human smiles, raises a hand with a feather held by it, grins with undeniable lust, and says "just lay there, My Lady, and enjoy it."

Kanako, who is somehow completely unharmed, stands in shock next to the bed, waves awkwardly at the girls as they begin the odd tickle session, and says "hello, I'm still here."

Sakuya frowns, and then sadly says "but I don't want to do a threesome today."

Remilia and Kanako gasp simultaneously, both prepare red orbs of energy meant to punish the human, and then the desk falls back to the ground, breaks a hole on it, and like a super toilet, the entire room is drained into the hole.

* * *

At the Palanquin, Rumia and two cute bunnies (brown to her left and white to her right) appear to be having a peaceful time of merry hopping and dancing. Poor bunnies.

Byakuren walks by where the little blonde is, smiles tenderly at the adorable sight before her, and then she says to herself "my, what a lovely child," and then she continues her way to the deckhouse, where a group seems to be enjoying a rather loud game of cards.

In the room, Kyo, Minamitsu, Chiyuri, and the headless Ail sit around a square table, each holding to a deck of cards and keeping their faces close to said packs, while eyeing each other dirtily every once in a while.

Kyo and Chiyuri dispose of matching pair of cards from their hands, Ail shifts some of his cards around until they are completely mismatched, and Minamitsu growls and clutches her hair while looking at her large pack.

The dense one is currently holding the Joker card, but looking at how calm his face is (what face?), it's anybody's guess as to who really has said card.

The headless boy puts his cards closer to his long-time friend's, and says "alright, it's your turn. Pick a card."

The muscled boy quickly reaches for the three of spades he needs to rid himself of another set, but after glancing at his friend's eyes(?), he grins triumphantly and quickly reaches for another card.

He takes his new card with pride, places it on his hand, and gasps with horror at the sight of the Joker card.

Minamitsu and Chiyuri chuckle, then the black haired sailor says "looks like he's going to end up being the old maid again."

Kyo grunts with frustration, then says "shit Ail, you've already won four games in a row. You've developed one hell of a poker-face!"

The table rumbles, a girl screams "THIS! IS! _NOT!_ POKEEEEEER!" the table explodes as Suwako jumps from underneath it, roaring as she pushes it up to the air, lands and pokes the muscled boy's nose when pointing at him, and angrily says "YOUUUUU! Why did you go along with that DAMNED JOKE! CURSE YOU ALL! IT! IS NOT! FUNNY!"

Somewhere at the Human Village, Medicine pays a sexy bunny that's just impossible to recognize as Reisen, and with a smile on her face as she takes her new fishing rod, she says "thank you very much. Now it's time I leveled up!"

The square table from the ship falls on top of the poor blonde, crushing her beneath it, and then the poor youkai girl moans as she slowly lifts her head to look at the surprised Reisen; whom we don't really know who she is; and says "oww, that really hurt. Willie must still be crying over the USB thing."

**[Oh, I had forgotten about that...]**

Poor blonde youkai grunts as she pushes herself up with no help from that bunny girl; who insists her name's Tia; that just stares at the little blonde with concern.

Medicine manages to push her torso up with one hell of a push-up, looks up at the sexy bunny, and grunts "a little help..." then an iron ball falls on her head and knocks her out, then another desk falls on her with Kanako underneath, then a large rock, and then Reimu flies by, shoots them both relentlessly with her charms, then flies away humming happily.

The unknown rabbit girl watches as the shrine maiden silently leaves, then says to herself "this is so suspicious!" And then a golden washtub falls on her head, leaving a steaming bump on the poor girl.

Seriously, who the hell is that girl?

Back at the Palanquin, Byakuren is patting the Kyo on the shoulder as she tries to comfort him after Suwako called him 'a fat Christmas special in a can'.

Ail comes by and says "don't worry Byakuren-san, we got this," and looking at the sincerity in his eyes(?), she nods and says "alright. Please be gentle with him."

On the background, Murasa and Chiyuri have locked each other in leg-scissors holds, yet both smile and flip a thumb up at the saint and say "**you can count on us.**" They resume the dirty catfight afterward by gripping each others' hairs.

Satisfied, the magician monk walks back outside, where she is greeted by massive bloodstains spread all over the ship's deck.

Byakuren grunts irritably and scowls at the sight before her, looks to the front of the ship, and angrily says "Miss Rumia, why did you eat the bunnies!?"

The darkness youkai hops out of hiding with a sweet smile on her blood-covered face, looks up at the monk as if said woman was smiling back, then the two bunnies hop out from hiding behind her back, both stained with blood all over their adorable little mouths.

Hijiri gasps with surprise after having prevented herself from shrieking, then exclaims "w-wait a minute!? What in Buddha's name did you guys eat!?

The adorable little man-eater's smile becomes dangerously dark as her eyes begin to glow, and then she softly and sinisterly hisses "what indeed?"

Meanwhile, Orin is pushing her empty cartwheel on the background, crying sadly while looking around and saying "I can't find them anywhere."

* * *

Somewhere at the Youkai Forest, Minoriko and Shizuha Aki enjoy a peaceful indoors lunch, while outside their home the suspicious Keine lurks suspiciously, suspiciously looking around for who-knows-what. Suspiciously.

"Ahh~ that was a wonderful meal," sighs the contented goddess of harvest while patting her satisfied belly. "You've really outdone yourself with lunch today, Shizuha."

The elder Aki sighs, then says "you shouldn't be praising me as much. I am merely following my heart and allowing my hands to express themselves the way they are intended to."

These words frighten the younger goddess a great deal for good reasons, and quickly takes a hand mirror out of her pocket and inspects her eyes for any signs of poisoning.

After some time checking herself, and making sure she's healthy, she sighs and says to herself "what a relief. Geez, her obsession with 'the end' is starting to get on my nerves."

**[I'll say. She's too pessimistic, isn't she?]**

Minoriko opens her eyes wide, looks all over the house, then hesitantly asks "wh-who was that!? ...H-hello?"

**[Hello Minoriko-chan. My, you're looking well today. Say, you wouldn't want to go out on a date with me-oh, shit, that's right; the fourth wall. Besides, you'll probably friend-zone me too.]**

The young blonde's eyes fill with great fear, but being a deity, she refuses to let fear take the best of her, so she bravely says "whoever the hell you are, this better not be some prank, or I'll curse your food supply for a month!"

**[Aww, come on, take a compliment! I'm trying to be nice! Anyway I'm kinda glad you can't see me, 'cause my hair's just... hairy. Sorry for that pun...]**

The goddess of harvests breathes hard as fear takes the best of her, yet bravely shouts "SHOW YOURSELF, YOU FREAK!"

"Minoriko-chan, who are you talking to?" asks Shizuha with concern as she places a rose on a beautiful glass vase on the center of the table.

The well-endowed goddess hits the table with her hand, tipping over the rose and vase, and exclaims "don't shit me, Shizuha! That voice! Help me figure out where it's coming from so I can curse the bastard!"

**[Sorry Minoriko. She can't hear me. I'm afraid that you are the only one that can hear me, even if I were to scream. Like so: _AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!_]**

Shizuha stares at her sister as though looking at a madman, then says "I'm sorry sis, but what are you talking about? What voice?"

The younger Aki blubbers when trying to speak, then points to the ceiling and says "Sh-Shizuha, I'm serious! There's a voice coming from all over the place. He even screamed just now! He sounds like a perverted young man!"

**[HEY! I'm not a pervert! Maybe naughty, but...]**

"Oh, shut it! Who the hell are you, mister! I have a good mind to-" **[Name's Willie, Willie G.R., author of the current story you are in, as well as many more Touhou-related fanfictions I have written. And I can't see you either, though I _can_ imagine you. Oh wait, that's the same, isn't it?]**

The cute girl gasps and crosses her arms over her ample chest (as if it weren't covered enough), and angrily says "you pervert! Thi-this is just- ARGH! I'm going to curse you, Willie G.R.!"

Shizuha places her hand on her sister's shoulder, and as soon as she gets the younger sibling's yelping, nervous attention, she presses their foreheads together for a moment.

After a while, she moves away from her distressed sister, then says "sis, I think you need to take a bath and go to sleep. You're starting to worry me."

Minoriko grabs her sister by the shoulders, and shakes her up while desperately exclaiming "DAMMIT SHIZUHA, CAN'T YOU HEAR HIM!? He's talking right now, saying stuff like 'he can see me' and that he's '_imagining_ me naked'! THE PERVERT!"

**[HEY! I never said that!]**

"ARGH! He's talking again," cries out the bouncy girl.

Shizuha forces her sister on to the chair, looks around the house with suspicion for some time, sighs after a while, then turns back to her young sister, shakes her head disapprovingly, and dismissively says "come on, let's give you a nice warm bath and get you to sleep."

Minoriko tries to kick herself away from her older sister, but all she gets is to be carried over the shoulder like some sack of sweet potatoes by her older sister.

**[Ahahahha... _A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA_~]**

"BWAAAAAA~ and he's LAUGHING nowwwww! Waaaaahhhhh" desperately cries the autumn goddess.

This only gets her a pity-pat on the butt by her older sister as said blonde says "yeah, yeah, let's get you to bed. You're obviously overworked. ...Ooh, nice, firm bottom, sis. You gotta tell me your secret."

The suspicious Keine watches everything from outside, and right after the goddesses enter the bathroom, she says "wow, even gods are subject to madness, aren't they?"

To her left, the headless Ail says "it's all in the head, Keine-san."

The furious Suwako jumps from behind the house's couch, roars as she flips the center table, points at the window, then threateningly shouts "I'm warning you; quit the damned head jokes, you headless palooka!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Human Village, the black-hooded Nicolas Crossworth jumps from one roof to the next like some insane acrobat in his search for some way to reach Chiyuri's ship.

He arrives at the Suspicious Keine's shop, which is suspiciously closed, looks at the closed sign while jumping to its roof, and says "that blonde; I must get to her, somehow. She must be dealt with, before it is too late."

He jumps down from the suspicious school/shop's roof, makes quick work of the suspicious lock (he turns the knob), and enters while saying to himself "please forgive me, Miss Shopkeeper, but I will have to borrow some of your goods for a little while."

It takes him almost thirty minutes of wall-running, jumping on breakable platforms, destroying walls needlessly, and using his environment to climb all the way up a church (for some reason), but he finally manages to arrange one of Suspicious Keine's cannons so that it can fire him straight to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa.

"This is going to be so very uncomfortable," he says to himself as he settles inside the large iron barrel.

And he's shot off like a screaming rocket going straight to the intended ship; and there is Chiyuri, speaking with Shikieiki, who stands next to her subordinate, Komachi, who, because I want her to, is still wearing her sexy tight leotard from before. I'm not a pervert, just a healthy man.

The pink haired girl pulls on the leotard's bottom while holding the top from sliding, then cries "Eiki-sama, please, this thing keeps riding up by butt! Let me change!"

The yama, who at least wears her normal shirt over her leotard, sighs irritably, then says "I already told you, this is your punishment for ending my game of mahjong so abruptly."

Suddenly! Nicolas' face lands right in the shinigami's exposed cleavage (you can thank me later Nicolas), which makes his landing a hundred times more soft and comfortable than he had initially anticipated.

After some time of breathing in that soft, natural perfume and making sure his feet are secure on solid ground, the hooded boy gently pushes himself off the flushed girl, looks into her eyes, smiles warmly, and suavely says "madam, you and I need to get more acquainted. How about you and I have dinner under the stars tonight?"

Komachi's face turns redder as a soft smile slowly forms on her face, while Chiyuri exclaims "and who the HELL is _this_ pervert!?"

At the same time, Shikieiki glares to the sky and says "author, Komachi is _mine_, so cut it out!"

Nicolas ignores the shinigami when he sees the blonde captain wannabe, points at her threateningly, and says "Miss Kitashirakawa, the time has come for you to pay for your insolence!"

Before the blonde has the chance to reply, he lifts a spell card and declares "Metal Sign, Not so Honorable Death!"

A washtub falls on Chiyuri's head, knocking her out cold in one blow, then the hooded boy kneels closer to her, closes her empty eyes, and says "Che tu possa riposare in pace. (May you rest in peace)"

He stands back up and turns around to face Komachi, but is surprised to see both the shinigami and Shikieiki swooning over him; hearts flying all over their heads and all; then lifts his arms invitingly and says "so, ladies, what say you to a stroll around the Garden of the Sun?"

A golden washtub falls on top of his head and knocks him straight into Komachi's cleavage, where he will eventually die a most wonderfully slow and painful death. Or not.

Shikieiki grabs him by the waist, pulls him off the busty girl, takes his place before said girl can even sigh in relief, then rubs her face against that pale skin, tickling her subordinate and making her moan and giggle almost as the same time.

The yama pulls half of her face away from those mounds to glare at nowhere in particular, then says "I'll say it one last time, author. Komachi! Is! _MINE!_"

A cat roars as she says these last words, making the shinigami turn pale out of fear.

The poor pinkish-red haired girl sighs in defeat when Eiki forces her face back into the comfort of the lovely peaks, pats that green hair as a tiny smile graces her lips, then she pats herself around her hips.

She gasps again, this time with anxiety, and she tenses up as she continues patting herself all over, making her body suit ride up that wonderful posterior, then she stops and exclaims "he-hey, I can't find my money! I've been robbed!"

The green haired girl looks up at her subordinate, sighs while shaking her head disapprovingly, then says "there you go again. Komachi, you need to be more alert. If you were to take your job more seriously, then you-what the!?"

While lecturing the Amazonian beauty, the yama pats her own person, then pauses for a moment before doing so more thoroughly before whispering "but where's my money?"

The girls quickly look to Nicolas, but immediately find out he's no longer on the ship, and imagine a large image of him smiling in the sky, while saying "thank you for the kind gift, ladies."

Komachi's face turns red with rage, then she turns left, flips a desk; throwing Shikieiki by accident at the same time; then shakes a fist to the sky and exclaims "Willie, Nicolas, your heads WILL! BE! **MIIIIINEEEE!**"

She huffs and puffs for a while, then storms away while muttering "that was for my sake break! ...Damned bastards!"

* * *

At the garden of the Sun, Yuka Kazami breathes in deeply as she ends the first part of her daily stroll through her flower fields.

She looks around herself, sighs contently, then her face becomes dark, cold and dangerous, even though she continues to smile. "Well, it's been a while since I got a guest in this ridiculous fan-fiction, Miss Yukari."

She turns around facing her house to look upon a large dark gap opening above the roof of her house.

The scenery to her left breaks in the shape of a door, and Sanae walks into the scene with a determined smile on.

"What in the hell...?" questions the flower master while staring at the shrine maiden to her left, then exclaims "it was supposed to be Yukari! Didn't you read the script!?"

The sexy green haired girl's smile stretches farther as she reveals her gohei, then declares "today I make you mine; just like that tasty gapping blond on your arms!"

Yuka suddenly realizes she's holding an exhausted Yukari on her arms, and is disgusted by the fact that said youkai is in her black underwear, so she just drops her on the ground while expressing her disgust. "Eeeugh! That's just disgusting! Y-you'll pay for tha-what?"

Sanae Kochiya is behind the flower youkai, grinning viciously as she gets closer to her juicy target, gesturing her hand as if she's gripping something while she opens her arms wide, aiming at the woman's chest.

Yuka ducks right before the perverted girl closes her arm trap, then hops away from her attacker, shoots a few petal bullets for good measure, then threateningly says "you are way over your head, Missy! Allow me to align that brain of yours more effectively!"

She opens up a can of soda called "Whoop-Ass" drinks its contents, crushes the can with one hands, throws it away, then runs after the shrine maiden.

Sanae merely stands there with welcoming open arms while her opponent gets in range. The flower master winds and throws her punch at the defenseless girl, but said girl ducks at the last possible moment, and replies with a hug-tackle and a kiss on the lips.

The kiss is short lived as the youkai woman easily pushes the human goddess away with just one hand, then roars furiously as she fires a wide yellow laser beam at the offender.

The green haired girl pulls a giant mirror out of her sleeves, and reflects the beam of light to the sky.

Meanwhile, Kanako and Medicine fly through the sky with looks of horror on their faces.

"M-Miss Goddess, I'm afraid. He's very unforgiving," whimpers the doll youkai as she hugs the blue haired deity.

The goddess pats the back of the girl's head to comfort her, and says "don't worry. As long as we stay away from the fight scene, we will be alright."

The yellow laser beam flies right to them, but Kanako manages to duck in time to avoid the impact, though the top of her hair does gets singed a bit.

Medicine whimpers when looking at the goddess, and asks "are you going to be alright?"

"I am a god," proudly replies the woman. "It's going to take more than that to take me down!"

A Northtrop F-86 Scorpion piloted by Nitori falls right on top of the scared girls, trapping them on its nose.

Its belly has been severely damaged by the laser, and the fuel tank has caught fire. Yup, those girls are screwed.

Back on the ground, the frustrated and slightly aroused Yuka glares scornfully at Sanae.

Every time the youkai throws a punch, the human grabs that arm and steals a kiss, if she kicks, the human will jump and cop a feel, and if she shoots, there's that mirror.

The airplane with the goddess and poison youkai nosedives straight on a randomly placed rock, crushing the girls underneath it.

Nitori ejects just about the time that plane explodes, saving herself from being burned alive; and as for Kanako and Medicine... they are flying far away from the scene, cursing my name while trailing smoke behind them.

Yuka snorts and stomps the ground to vent her frustration, then angrily exclaims "I don't know what your problem is, you pervert, but I won't forgive you for humiliating me like this!"

Sanae seems a bit agitated as she replies "if you just let me kiss you, I'll be OUT of your hair in no time! Stop being so difficult; that's what tucked Yukari out like that!"

The sound of a tire screeching accompanies the youkai's arm-lift when she signals her unwelcome guest to stop. "So let me get this straight. We've been fighting all this time for a fucking **_KISS!?_** What the hell is wrong with you?"

The shrine maiden crosses her arms under her chest and looks away with a cute little pout, then says "I'm just trying to find cool playmates! It's just a kiss, so what's wrong with that, huh?"

After a brief moment of though, the flower youkai sighs, then says "fine, let's have that kiss. But I'm warning you now; any sudden moves and I'll rip your spine in half."

"Got it," chirps Sanae as she skips closer to her target.

She and Yuka look at each other for a moment and notice their height differences. Sanae is half a head shorter than the youkai.

Regardless, the shrine maiden closes her eyes as she gets on the tip of her toes while getting their faces closer, and whispers "come on, accept it."

The flower master rolls her eyes, groans a bit, but closes her eyes and moves her face closer, and they lock lips.

What was to be an experimental kiss quickly becomes an out-of-control passion ride the two girls ride without seat belts, and while these girls enjoy each others' tongues, a strange grinding sound comes from the youkai's house, followed by an odd "paru-paru-paru-paru."

Yup, Parsee is clinging on to Elly as they watch the hot event out in front, and the jealousy youkai hisses and smiles with jagged teeth while enjoying the curly-blonde's jealousy.

The green-haired girls split up. Yuka appears to be floating on a cloud as the drool link severs, while Sanae seems to be in deep thought about something.

The girl shakes her head and says "nope, sorry, you don't qualify. I guess I'll go get Yuki again."

She quickly takes off, ignoring the woman's gasp and shocked face, turns around in mid-flight to wave at her and say her goodbyes, then takes off to the S.S. Glass Leotard.

"WAIT!" calls Yuka, but it's too late, and the human goddess is gone. She sniffles once, shakes as her cheeks turn pink, then says "but I wanted more."

She looks at the sprawled Yukari still unconscious on the ground, but shakes the thought of ravaging her off, turns to face her house, and calls "Elly, could you come here for a moment?"

The obedient, glowering gate guard stands before her mistress in attention, and before she can even speak, Kazami is already embracing and kissing her all over.

The girl screams and screeches, and moans and coos shortly after, then looks to her left, lifts her arm, and pants "p-please, he-help me! Oooh~"

Nitori's Grandfather, a bulky, muscular kappa with a long white beard who wears a roman robe, chuckles while shaking his head, and says "don't mind me, ladies. I'll just be a-watchin'. Ehehehehe~"

He takes a camcorder out of his pocket, and smiles and drools while recording the show.

Kurumi flies into the scene, opens her mouth, and-

* * *

At the Scarlet Demon Ark's deck, a sleepy child Flandre in her long rose, sun-proof pajamas, makes her way to the rudder, where she hopes to find Remilia.

She stops when she comes across a peculiar sight, and feels annoyed and disgusted at the sight of Yuyuko Saigyouji wearing Youmu's green dress, which does very little to cover her curves, ample chest (which is about to burst free), and even less cover for her legs. (She's wearing pink panties.)

Yuyuko unsheathes Roukanken, aims it at the half-asleep vampire, and says "there's almost nothing this sword cannot cut!"

Before the cute blonde has a chance to ask, Youmu floats besides her mistress/subordinate, and with a whimsical smile she says "Yuyuko~, be nice to our host. We're not here to start a fight, right?"

She wears Yuyuko's light blue kimono, which seems baggy around the chest and hips, and yet seem to suit her quite well. She also holds the folding fan on her hand, and her whimsical smile looks very natural on her.

Yuyuko turns her head to look at her 'mistress', and says "Miss Youmu, that is an impostor, not our host! Her name is Chie, and she's here to steal our underwear!"

There is a light thud, and after turning their heads back to the vampire, they find an athletic woman with a gorgeous figure, small black eyes, and long silky black hair tied to a side ponytail standing before them.

She wears a tight, jet-black, legless, sleeveless ninja leotard, thigh-high boots, and a red belt around her waist, and on her back rests her sword, which is ready for blood at any moment. She doesn't really need that belt, but it looks very sexy on her.

"Watch it, you're NOT my original author, you perverted little virgin of an author!"

That bitch's gonna get it now~

She draws her sword and points it at Yuyuko, then threatens "and YOU, little girl, get ready to taste my-wait, WHAT!? You're not Youmu! Those oversized milk jugs would break the little girl's spine!"

She points at the silver haired girl eating chips from an aluminum bag like a vacuum and, declares "that's the little bitch that cut my skirt off! PREPARE TO DIE!"

Before Chie has the chance to blink, the pink haired swordswoman dances in front of her with her two swords held outward, and with a simple flick of the wrist after touching the ninja's blade, said weapon is sent flying ten feet to the portside (left).

The ninja girl turns to stone and shivers a bit while the wind howls above her head; shock and surprise taking her and hitting her hard.

A random black haired boy tugs on Yuyuko's skirt from behind to get her attention, presents a notepad and a pen, and asks "hey Miss, you're really cool! Can I have your autograph?"

"Why certainly," immediately answers the gorgeous woman. She sheathes her swords, takes the notepad and the pen, ponders for a moment, then scribbles on it while sticking out the tip of her tongue and closing her left eye. (Yeah, as if focusing on that pad really good, ze!)

She pats the boy on the head while returning the notepad and pen, waves while saying her goodbyes, and then turns around to find Youmu cleaning her lips with a soft napkin; right where the ninja was.

"Youmu, what happened with that girl? I wanted to _play_ with her," whines the pink haired woman.

The silver haired girl burps up Chie's red belt, sigh, then says "oh, she was a very tasty bird. Can I have a second one?" And then she smiles.

Yuyuko shrieks with panic, runs to her 'mistress', forces her mouth wide open, then gets inside and pulls Chie out before that sliver haired glutton can gobble them both up.

"Youmu," reprimands Yuyuko; "don't eat foreigners! Who knows what kind of diseases they carry!"

The ninja is far too stunned and disgusted; AND covered in drool and digestive juices to care for that remark, and yet she says "I-I-I don't... I am v-v-v-very healthy, y-you bitch! Ugh!"

Youmu opens her fan to cover her whimsical smile, then whines "but I'm huuuungryyyy! Yuyuko, let's hurry up with that girl and go join the feast!"

The pink haired swordswoman is just about to speak when her green vest suddenly bursts open, and a button from nowhere flies straight to Chie's forehead, and knocks her right out.

Lying sprawled and spread eagle on the floor, the ninja girl moans while thinking many angry thoughts that include horribly pleasurable humiliation toward these two girls, and wonders if her own torture that's to follow her defeat will have some pleasure to it.

Yuyuko sigh, takes Youmu's hand, then they make their way toward the bowels, while woman in pink bras says "there, you see? It's done. Let's go eat-er, I mean, let's join the feast, Youmu-sama."

The silver haired girl giggles and whispers about how funny that sounds, and by the time Chie decides to sit, their whispers become unintelligible to her.

She sighs, then says to herself "I have to get even with those two, somehow." Little does she know that Flandre, who still has Chie's footprint on her face, stands behind her with a furious, teary-eyed look on her face. The cusses, curses, and inevitable ninja demise will be omitted.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the elegant dining room in Akyuu's mansion, the Child of Miare is enjoying a nice, warm cup of tea, when she suddenly sighs with annoyance, places the teacup on the table, and monotonously says "go ahead and do it already."

Minako enters the room, dragging her feet on the floor, moaning sadly, and looking dreadfully tired, hopeless, and just about ready to collapse.

The purple haired girl gasps at the sight, jumps on to her feet and to the right of her servant in mere seconds, and with true concern she asks "Minako, what's wrong? You look terrible!"

The brown haired servant stops moving, slowly turns her head to meet Akyuu's eyes, smiles pathetically weakly, and groans "good morning, Miss Akyuu-chan. My, you are looking so ...lovely this morning. Let me... get you some coffee."

"You shall do no such thing," says the surprisingly mature girl as she leads her servant to the table. "You stay there! I'll go get you some medicine. The alien woman said it should fix anyone up right away!"

Minako smiles weakly again, allows her head to flop down to the table; along with her hands and her upper torso; and weakly says "my dear Lady Akyuu. How I love you so; because of your lovely selfless nature and your kindness, and your cute bottom, and those subtle, perky breasts, and-"

"QUIET, or I'll smack you," furiously roars the chronicler after lightly tapping the back of Minako's head, muttering curses and insults under her breath afterward.

She pats her servant on the head once, a miniature Koakuma flies out of that brown hair, startling the purple haired girl, then Minako groans and cries "no~. Please get them away from me~"

Akyuu swats the little tiny demon girl away, but suddenly... "Koa-Koa-koa-kookoa-koa-ko-_A_," several tiny Koakumas appear from underneath Minako's robes, and then quickly take off with her safely gripped by their tiny clawed hands.

"HEY," exclaims the Child of Miare. "Come back with my servant, you little bitches!"

The kitchen becomes a 2-D world with wooden platforms moving up and down, or left and right, and the pixilated Akyuu immediately hops on the closest one, runs to the next (which is going left and right), and so on as she chases after the Koakumas and her captive servant. "Don't worry Minako, I'm coming for you!"

The servant moans happily after hearing those words, and loudly and slowly calls "My Lady, I finally hear you say such beautiful words for me. I love you so much!"

"**_DON'T PUT DIRTY WORDS IN MY MOUTH, YOU PERVERT!_**"

The background changes to the outside sky, and the platforms are now clouds, but this doesn't stop the brave girl from chasing after the kidnapped servant, and the devious little devils.

"What, no boss fights? Willie, you're getting very lazy!"

I shrug at this because she's right, but then again, why should I strain myself too much? It doesn't pay off. Ahem... anyways, let's move along.

She reaches the Palanquin, jumps on a smaller up and down cloud, almost slips off, but uses the momentum to jump to the next left and right cloud, however, the moment her foot touches it, the thing dissipates and causes her to fall head-first on the ship's floor.

Her pixel shrinks and she falls right through the floor with her arms and legs spread widely apart, and then her life goes down from 5 to 4.

She reappears back on the ship, holding her head and shaking a bit to regain her bearings, then glowers forward and darkly says "I know of an author that's going to get it; and when he does, I'm going to collect his skull."

That was a little too dark... but I did just break her neck. Let's just move along, shall we?

A tiny grey mouse squeaks playfully as it scurries her way toward the frozen-in-fear 2-D Akyuu, and its mere closeness causes the Child of Miare to squeal "eeeeeek! Get away," and jump up like some spring-chicken, and then she hits an invisible block with her head.

Said block pushes her back down to the floor on her butt (the mouse is all the way on the starboard (left) side now), and as she rubs her head, she looks up and witnesses as a green cup filled with red tea slowly slides down to the ground and magically slides toward her.

"Oh, how lovely," she says as she picks the cup and takes a sip, and then her breasts grow to the size of E (D for westerners) cup, earning a gasp of delight from herself, and then she takes flight, exclaiming "ALRIGHT! I got boob beams and nail missiles! Get ready for some punishment, you _evil_ little demons!"

* * *

While this is happening in the skies, at the Hakurei Shrine is Ran Yakumo, sitting with her legs bent to the side on the veranda, while she rests her back against a support beam.

On her lap is Reimu, who sleeps so soundly and contently, she snores softly while looking adorable as she does so.

Ran starts moving her right arm as if she's gently stroking her leg, and softly says "who knew. Reimu, you are just so full of surprises. Mm-hm-hm; and they're so soft too."

The Hakurei Maiden moans cutely as she shifts her head a bit, and resumes her peaceful sleep as her cheeks turn pink.

The nine-tailed vixen pulls one of two black cat's tail with red and white, yin-yang color style tips, and says "ufufu, so I take it you like having your tails petted like this. I wonder what would happen if I comb them?"

Like magic, she pulls a soft white comb with a brown handle out of her blue panel, around the area of her chest, smiles, then begins to comb those soft cat tails.

Reimu starts clenching each hand alternatively as she begins to moan and pant, stiffens up as if stretching her back, then sighs with a smile as she lets herself flutter back on to the warm lap.

Ran chuckles sweetly, then softly says "just like my Chen. You're a little less cute, but still good enough. Ahh, if she would only come back home when I asked her to."

"HALT!" commands a familiar voice from behind the bushes.

Rika Onkamikami jumps out of the bushes; her skin a little darker, her eyes glowing purple and full of evil, her wings turned black, and her cute ahoge missing; points at the kitsune, and exclaims "how DARE you take my mistress away from me! You will pay for this, you sexy nine-tailed beast!"

The chibi nekos Yumemi, Ran, Sanae and Rinnosuke hop out of the bushes and join Rika in a ridiculous stance as they try to intimidate the shikigami, then the suave male points and says "to take the love of this woman away. Such a disgusting thing to do! I'll never forgive you while I watch the action!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN" agitatedly says the chibi neko Ran while nodding extra fast.

The dark maid punches the perverted male on the head, and angrily says "this isn't H material, so quit begging!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN" quickly adds the insane blonde cat girl while nodding really fast.

The well endowed maid of darkness turns her attention to the blonde fox girl, points dramatically, and loudly declares "now, it is time for you to pay for your trans-AWWWWWWWWWWW"

Her angry face quickly melts into that of an endeared school girl in hormone-bliss mode when Reimu starts to mew softly with ever stroke.

Ran places a finger on her lips and shushes the girl, then whispers "you're going to wake her." She offers the comb and the spot to her immediate right, then whispers "here, you can take ov-er?"

Rika is back to her normal self, and is lying on her stomach with her elbows on the floor and her cheeks on her hands as she swings her legs around and flaps her wings happily, and with a happy smile on her face, she says "oh, please, go ahead. I am enjoying myself greatly."

Ran smiles and giggles, combs the shrine maiden's tails from base to tip, and doing so causes said red and white to whisper "mew-mew-mew-mew-mew~", while her cheeks turn pink and her lips wriggle.

A moment of silence for Rika Onkamikami, whose head explodes extra-violently after being hit by such a disgustingly adorable moe-bomb.

The chibi nekos look at each other, then the womanly-voiced neko Sanae says "what a waste of my precious time! I missed my show because of this stupid girl! Now I'll _never_ know if Mo-Mo survived the transplant, or if Watanabe manned up and changed his name!"

"HUNHUNHU-!" The blonde cat's nods are cut short when Kanako crashes on top of them, making a disturbingly loud explosion that scares Reimu into screeching before running away in fright; like some cat.

The goddess moans and holds her head as she wobbles to stand, and says "that was... too painful. The bitch."

The steaming goddess is full of laser burn marks and nail missiles that have made holes on her clothes, and although tired and dazed, she looks up and mutters curses under her breath.

When she turns around, she is met with a very pissed re-headed dark maid that repeatedly punches her own hand, and a very angry nine-tailed kitsune that's slipping a spiked iron knuckle on.

Kanako chuckles nervously and raises her hands defensively as she backs away and nervously says "n-now now girls, n-n-no need for violence.

Both Rika and Ran grab some conveniently placed desks, flip them over at the same time, then walk slowly toward the goddess.

* * *

Right above the Hakurei Shrine, Akyuu is shooting purple laser beams from her chest, and lilac nail missiles from her hands, and all are headed straight toward the bound and gagged Medicine.

The blonde doll is being held from the back by one of the tiny Koakumas, who looks past the left side of the doll and shouts "KOA! Ko-ko koa, Ko-AAAAA!"

"Like HELL I'm giving up," exclaims the chronicler while swinging her hands and shooting several nails. "Give Minako back to me, or suffer!"

The gag slips off the doll youkai's lips, then she anxiously shouts "wait, girlie, I'm innocent, I swear! ARGH! Willie GR, I'm gonna get you for-KYAAAH!"

She's shut the hell up by a laser blast from Akyuu's left E, then Kanako and some desks spin by, and she shouts "I'll have my reveeeeeeenge!" She makes it all the way back to the Moriya Shrine _without_ the desks.

Back above the shrine, Akyuu bends her back and stretches her amplified chest, shooting one Master Spark-sized beam at Medicine, frying her and her clothes, and sending her flying back to the Nameless Hill.

The tiny little devil gulps when her meat-shield is blown off, the chronicler grins vilely, and now beams and explosive nails blast the little devil, while Minako weakly cheers "that's my Lady Akyuu! Please, hurry, they're pulling my robes up, and I didn't put any underwear on!"

The purple-haired girl sighs irritably while dragging her hand down her face, then says "I should just turn around and leave, but I'm just not heartless enough to do that."

And so begins the high-speed 2-D chase, where Akyuu must dodge clouds, fairies, random danmaku, and the occasional cannonballs.

As she dodges the many ridiculous obstacles, she shoots her beams and missiles as relentlessly as some heartless machine, knocking out a metal chicken, a tiny Koakuma, and a glass ship.

At the s.S. Glass Leotard, the body-suit clad Makaian girls scatter about as their ship falls from the sky.

Akyuu doesn't care that she's destroying everything in her path. She wants Minako back, and nothing will stop her. ...Until she crashes against Headless Ail.

Her boobs shrink, and they both scream as they each spin forcefully toward opposite directions, and thus the world becomes normal once more.

"My head is spinniiiiiiing!" screams Anilan at the top of his lungs. This comes followed by a furious roar from the Mountain, and Suwako's echoing voice "DAMN YOU AAAAAIIIIILLLL!"

A desk flies straight toward the remaining Koakumas, who scream "**KOAAAAA~**" just before said desk smashes them and Minako to separate directions.

Later that day, back at Akyuu's Mansion, the chronicler wakes up on her bed, looks up the hole she made with her body, scowls, then mutters "damn you Ail and author. I will make you pay dearly for this; somehow!"

A white-robed woman wraps her arms around the purple haired girl's neck, and the womanly owner of the hands sweetly says "aww, thank you so very much for rescuing me, Akyuu-chan~. How about I pay you with my own bodily warmth to make your morning better?"

Minako's face is met with an iron washtub held by Akyuu Hieda herself, and right after the girl falls unconscious, the chronicler sits on her bed, and nonchalantly says "bitch is back to normal now."

She gets off the bed, leaving her unconscious servant behind, and says to herself "time for lunch. Gonna make myself some red tea."

* * *

Back at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Flandre stuffs what's left of the Ninja girl inside a very large cannon, shouts "FIRRREEE", and the sexy, athletic meat-ball is shot straight at the Unnamed Ghost Ship, which responds with a philosophical cannonball with square, frameless glasses that stops in front of Meiling, and begins reading phrases that make no sense to her.

"MAKE IT STOP" cries the gate guard as she runs away with twin tear-waterfalls, while that cannonball explains to her how running and crying can get her killed by slipping on a banana peel, or crashing on to Ail and his head jokes.

The little blonde vampire shrugs at this, then turns her attention to the Ghost's ship, and shouts "last chance! Give me back my honeyed cereal, or say _goodbye_ to your precious lives, **_AND_** unlives!"

Yuyuko glares from the deck of her own ship, smiles vilely before opening her mouth and stuffing the cereal down her throat, then asks "what cereal?"

Flandre's eyes ignite with pure rage, her vocabulary restrains breaks, a fiery scarlet aura engulfs her, and shaking with anger, she shouts "**YOUUUUUU! YOU FAT *****ING COW WITH YOUR ********ING **** ****** BOOBS, AND **** YOU AND YOUR DAMNED CREW TO HELL!**"

She summons her bent black rod, ignites Lavatein at ten times its normal size, and lifts it above her head.

Yuyuko and Youmu hug while shivering in fear, Kimi polishes her nails, Agava eats a cookie and casually rows her boat toward the S.S. In Your Face, Murasa, and Merlin is measuring her hips and boasting about her figure to her sisters, which stare darkly at her.

Just when the vampire makes the swinging motion, a blonde automated doll kicks the vampire between the legs, and before said girl has the chance to double over and nurse the throbbing spot, that very doll grabs her left leg, swings her around in several circles, then throws her toward the Unnamed Ghost Ship.

Remilia and Adult Remilia raise an eyebrow at this, look at each other, quickly realize what is happening, sigh, shrug, then nod and walk away into the ship's bowels.

Flandre screams her spinning way toward the ghostly ship, where she saws the thing in half in just 2.5 seconds, and moves on while Youmu salutes the sky as she goes down with the ship.

Everybody else either flies off the ship, or just jump over the rails and make loud splashes as they swim away.

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the girls scream and scatter as they try to find something to repel the vampire buzz-saw headed their way.

Chiyuri and Yumemi stand firm on the deck, then the captain wannabe raises her hand to address her crew, getting them to calm down and turn their attention to her.

She glances around the frightened girls, then says "my fellow-" The ship explodes, and Flandre continues screaming her spinning way toward the next ship.

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Tenshi is tied up and on her knees while on her pure white leotard that makes her heavenly posterior more accented, and her small breasts to bounce just slightly.

She glares at Yuki, Shinki and Mai; even though her hands are tied behind her back and restrained on her ankles; and bravely declares "you may torture me, humiliate me, even..." she starts drooling while smiling and blushing "_humiliate_ me some more!"

She puts on a brave face again and declares "but Rika is MINE, and I will NEVER give her up to you!" And yet again her face becomes perverted as she adds "please use the wooden triangle again!"

The Makaian goddess raises an eyebrow and says "well, she's broken, but she just won't-"

Flandre crashes against Tenshi's back, sending the celestial straight at Shinki, forcing both to kiss and make up, and as they both fly away, the ship implodes, then explodes, then Sanae pulls the headless Ail from the debris and angrily says "seriously, you headless morphing idiot, you need to stop making Moriya-sama so angry!"

Apparently, he's looking up at her as he says "but it's not my fault my head's all over the place today!"

There is a roar, and now a flying desk flies straight toward the Scarlet Demon ark, breaking a new hole on the large ark, and making it break into pieces, like some Lego ship.

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, the girls are enjoying a sophisticated party of immeasurable elegance, and remain unaware of the danger they that's headed their way, and the pumpkin pie looks delicious.

And there is Ichirin, wearing a noblewoman's pompous dress, with all its crappy adornments and unnecessarily over-puffed skirt, accompanied by Unzan and his penguin suit with the bow and the buttons and tight fit. Ugh!

And over there is Minamitsu, who looks dreadfully annoyed, infinitely disgusted, terrifyingly anxious, and disgustingly dignified over wearing a dress similar as Ichirin and the others, only hers is dark aquamarine.

"Why the _FUCK_ did you make me wear this shit!?" Her head is slapped hard from behind by Byakuren, who applies the appropriate disciplinary actions whenever they are needed.

She wears a simple purple dress with an ivory colored sash around her waist and left shoulder, and with her sexy body showing off in that dress, she sweetly says "Mini-chan, I know it's hard for you; being a sailor and all that; but today's dinner will be held with class, so speak appropriately."

The frustrated captain sighs, nods sadly, then turns around while the sexy monk woman heads to join the other girls at the table, and thinks "_dear Buddha, if you don't want me to make Byakuren cry 'cause of my pirate mouth, please, PLEASE stop this stupid dinner before I lose it!_"

Flandre screams after exploding her way into the dining table, hums and coos happily "so delicious" while devouring every available food on the table, then continues screaming as she makes her way through the other side of the ship.

"Thank you," whispers Minamitsu to the air while winking. She rips her dress off and declares "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! Everyone to your posts! MOVEMEEEEENT! I want movement!"

Shou covers Nazrin's eyes, while the little redhead fairy covers Shou's, Ichirin takes a picture while chuckling mischievously, Nue does the same, though with a camcorder, and Byakuren covers Orange's and Kyouko's eyes while staring with her mouth agape.

Kogasa sniffles and covers herself up with her umbrella after everyone ignores her. **They will pay for this, Kogasa.** And now the karakasa youkai is safe at the Human Village, where the children quickly rush-hug her. "Wait, no, I'm scary! Don't hug meeeeee!"

Back at the ship, right after another chuckle escapes Ichirin (who covers Unzan's eyes after a while), she says "Murasa, I think you better cover those heart panties and that strawberry bra before ordering us around."

The captain holds her dramatic pose while looking down at her rather sexy self in her tiny, disgustingly adorable and ridiculously sexy underwear, and soon breaks said pose to cover herself up, and shouts "I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE SWIMSUIT NITORI GAVE ME! Where the HELL IS IT!?"

Another flying desk enters the ship through the same hole Flandre left behind; it spins right above Minamitsu's head, slowly glows brighter and brighter until everything is white, and then the explosion that comes is so strong, Yuyuko's intestines tremble, causing her an indigestion, and Ail's head pops right out from under his shirt.

After he and Sanae recover from the turbulence in the sky, they look toward the massive white cloud mushroom expanding over the sky and spreading about the great barrier.

They look at each other, then back at the cloud, then back at each other, and then they see Koakuma swimming in a black bikini next to them.

She stops for a second to wave at them and call "hi~ I almost got 'im", then continues swimming as though in water, and even splashes them with some water, as she chases after the purple tentacle monster that screams like a little girl as it calls for help.

The couple looks at each other, stare in silence, then suddenly hold each other and make out violently while still in mid-air, where the falling girls can see them, take pictures, videos, swoon, and blush.

Did you really think their heads would explode again?

* * *

Later that evening, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, Ail and Sanae continue to make out violently while being recorded and stared at, Rika is still weak after that moe blast from Reimu, and for some reason Shizuha can tell Minoriko is looking around the restaurant anxiously.

The elder goddess places her hand on her little sister's shoulder and says "come on Minoriko-OOOOHHHH!" But doing so costs her being flung over that girl's shoulders and slammed against the hard floor.

When the younger Aki realizes what she's done, she gasps and covers her mouth with one hand while reaching for her sister's hand with the other, and cries "I'm so sorry! I thought you were that pervert who wants to have his way with me!"

**[Hey, you idiot, I already told you I'm not a pervert! Stop calling me that, or I'm going to get serious!]**

"AND THERE HE IS AGAAAAAIN!" she bellows while holding her head. She runs away from the area, ignoring her older sister's calls, and once behind the restaurant's kitchen, she curls up into a ball and pants "I should... be safe here!"

**[Say, are you alright? Minoriko-chan, you look so pale. Maybe I should take you to see a doctor.]**

Minoriko scowls toward the source of the disembodied voice, and angrily says "well if I'm like this, it's all your damned fault! Because of you, I just can't relax even a bit!"

**[Huh? And why is that? I'm not that bad! Tch! Great, now you're making me feel self conscious about my pale skin and wobbly muscles. And here I was worrying about you.]**

The blonde's scowling turns to concern as she looks toward nothingness, and with a softer tone she says "wait, what? N-no, that was not my intent. I just want to you leave me alone. I didn't mean to-"

**[Save it! I know where I'm not liked! I'm outta here!]**

Minoriko stands up, looks around the kitchen, gulps to see if I'll react, then she calls "Willie? Willie G.R.? A-are you there?"

The seconds pass, and the more time goes by, the more the young goddess smiles, and then she's suddenly jumping up and down and swinging her right arm around while singing "he's gone~ he's gone~, he's finally GONE~! No more perverted authors around!"

As she skips her way back to the front of the restaurant, her pace slows down gradually until she stops at the door, looks up, and says "hey, I just called you a pervert. Aren't you going to retaliate?"

Time passes by, but there's no answer, and so she sighs sadly, then says to herself "wow, I guess he took it really bad. He was annoying, but... I guess I was too hard on him."

She walks out to the front of the restaurant, which is completely empty; save for one Yuyuko with a massive belly, one Eirin in a lab coat, rubber gloves, and a doctor's mask, and one Reisen with the same attire, but looking cuter.

Ignoring this, Minoriko looks to the ceiling, and softly says "this... this isn't fair. I... I really miss him. Wait, what? But why? I got rid of him, just like I wanted, so why!?"

"Udongein, the scalpel, _NOW_," commands Eirin with an extended gloved arm aimed at the sexy bunny.

"R-righ! Here you go," stutters the nervous rabbit as she hands over the operating tool.

The ghost princess moans while rubbing her oversized belly, and whines "hurry uuuup! I want to try the wasabi juice." (Oh, I wouldn't try that if I were her.)

The Lunarian doctor examines the pregnant-like belly carefully, then says "alright, I'll have to cut at a precise spot, or I might hurt the-MUGH!"

"AH! Master," yelps Reisen after Eirin is kicked in the groin by Minoriko. Before retaliation comes, the young goddess cuts that large belly in the center from top to bottom, and all the girls; and Ail; burst free from that ghostly, black-holey prison.

Kaguya is the last to break free, but hangs around the opening as if exhausted, and says "thank you Eirin! Ugh! It's so disgusting in-WAAH!"

Minoriko pulls and throws the Moon Princess away, stuffs herself inside the infinite stomach, and pulls her older sister out of there.

"Minoriko-chan! Oh my autumn, thanks! That ghost is insane" exclaims the cute goddess of turning leaves while thinking whether or not to hug her little sister.

The young Aki smiles at her elder sister, then says "that's a wonderful story, sis, but it needs more sweet potatoes. Now come and help me find Willie's voice. I was a little rude to him, and as a deity, I must apologize properly."

Shizuha appears to stop functioning for a while in order to analyze the information her little sister has just tossed at her, yet she can still reply a meek "what?"

Minoriko pulls her sister by the hand, and as they make their way out the door, she says "come, let's start searching in the middle of the night while you recalibrate your brain."

The elder Aki puts no resistance as she's being dragged, and meekly asks "what?"

Inside the restaurant, at the corner east table, Minamitsu and Chiyuri rest their heads on said table at the same time.

The Palanquin's captain movers her uncaring eyes left to meet with the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's captain's unamused eyes, and says "hey."

"Yeah?" replies the blonde.

"Remember when this used to be about you and me fighting over who was a better captain of the skies?"

"Yup..."

"I miss those days..."

"Yup..."

Sake is drunk after that. Imagine them in their underwear while they get drunk. ...No? Okay.

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Budou, Kimi and Kali were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Suggestions for this chapter by

Wolfsbane 703

Nicolas Crossworth (whom also made a special appearance)

And Captain Vulcan

Chie belongs to Captain Vulcan, in the fiction "Mishaps of Eastern Wonderland" on chapters "6. Maidens vs Ninjas" and "7. The Great Shinobi Incident Part 1"

Seriously, go read their fics. They are AWESOME!

Dec 10 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

How odd. Not so much insanity in the end. Ah well, I'm tired.

Byakuren: Well, you certainly deserve punishment, but this lack of creativity and constant chores should be punishment enough.

Thanks for forgiving me, Byakuren-san.

Byakuren: *Blush* Y-you're welcome. Um, but how did you know? I am still angry at you, you know!

*Shrug* that's to be expected. Ah well, nothing else to do but keep moving forward.

Byakuren: *Smile* that's the spirit. Now, about Mini-chan using The Buddha like that...

*Gulp* err, I hear my mother calling.

Byakuren: *Holds Willie by the ear* Not so fast. I'm not falling for that.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This is the first time I use First Person Point of View. Please be kind enough to tell me how I did. Uhh... you can ignore the self insert if you want, ze. (But really, about that First Person PoV...)**

* * *

Minamitsu's cabin is quite dark, humid and cold during the evenings. It's the perfect place for a ship ghost like her to sleep in; but not this night.

An annoyingly bright light shines on her face, waking her up from a nice dream where manly, burly sailors with sweaty muscles were tending to her every whim.

She, understandably, wakes up feeling extremely irritated, and so she shouts "who. the _FUCK_. woke me up! You better have a damned good reason t-"

Her words are cut short when she realizes the source of her discomfort is a stupid star the size of her head floating just above her head, and so her irritation gives way to curiosity.

Naturally, the first thing she does is touch the star. She giggles when a tickling sensation takes her hand.

Her face suddenly turns dark and vile; she grabs the star and threatens to throw it straight at the wall. "No, no, wait young lady," pleas the star with a soft and elderly male voice. "I am sorry to have woken you, but I am here to grant you your dream."

Murasa's face changes completely as lustful desires for a certain kappa girl in tight swimsuits takes her senses and makes her bush. She's even drooling.

She mutters the name "Nitori," and the star continues "that's right. You will now feel like a man does whenever he gets hit in the groin."

Minamitsu's eyes hide under a shadow as her lust is replaced by heavy disappointment and disgusting disgust, and in a flat, cold and dark tone of voice she asks "what? Could you run that by me again?"

The captured star jingles with excitement and repeats "you will feel like a man does whenever you are hit in the groin; for a whole day! Aren't you happy?"

Hot and sad tears of depression roll down the girl's face as she meekly mutters "not Nitori? No swimsuit? No lovely kappa-rub where it counts?"

"Err... Miss, could you let me go now?" The star, unaware of the seriously deep shit it's in, remains relaxed while in the Captain's grip.

The girl winds her arm back as far as she can; and then some; then swings it with all her might.

The star's bloody scream and sudden death gurgle is the last that's heard of it after shattering to billions of pieces against the room's cold walls, then Minamitsu huffs and pants while rage boils within her chest.

She pulls a vacuum out of her pink panties, sucks the remnants of the star, puts all those pieces inside a glass bottle she then places neatly next to her bed, wraps it up in brown paper that looks like it's been used to wipe questionable things, then screams as she lifts her fists to the ceiling "**FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~**."

Everybody in the ship wakes up to the raging roar of the enraged spirit, though none is aware of the wonderfully horrible happenings that have taken place at the captain's quarters.

Murasa is, once more, taking deep breaths to calm her rage, then holds her forehead while speaking to herself. "Okay; alright... it's not that bad Minamitsu. I just have to make sure nothing hits me there and it'll all be just fine."

She takes one step toward her bed and a lose board flies straight to that honey pot between her legs. She grunts upon impact, whimpers as she drops on the ground, whines like a dog while holding her nethers, and cries in pain while trembling violently.

She gags when trying to breathe, chokes when she tries to speak, and any move she makes sends powerful jolts of pain from her groin to her brain, arms, legs and back.

She fights against the pain to climb on to her bed, grabs the bottle with the star dust in it, shakes it violently while grunting "you damned piece of shit," then the throws the bottle against the wall. It does NOT break.

The captain manages to lie face up; even though moving her legs feels like murder; takes a deep breath of relief after the pain subsides, then whimpers "Kyo was right. This isn't funny at all."

The bottle falls from the ceiling and smashes her right in the sweet spot between her legs, and all she can do is curl up and whimper while her face turns orangey red.

* * *

?'s PoV

It's dark; so very dark. My room wasn't this dark earlier. What's happening?

I can feel myself take a deep breath for fresh air; for recovery; but the first thing that greets me is the scent of sulfur and iron, mixed with rust and some other form of unpleasant scent that offends my every taken breath.

_Curse my need to breathe_, I think as I open my eyes. I find myself inside a cramped room full to the brim with bookshelves and books; books, books and more books on books. _Where hell am I?_

Before I continue, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Willie G.R., and I am a plump, unfit guy in his thirties (forever alone), with messy wavy black hair that grows like vines. My attire, you ask? Well, I am currently wearing a dirty green t-shirt with a small hole on the right armpit, bright red shorts, and black rubber sandals.

I wish I had worn my long black (sorta plastic) exercise pants. At least I wouldn't feel so exposed and vulnerable.

So, now that introductions are out of the way, let me tell you where I find myself in.

Now, if memory serves me right, I am in Gensokyo. Making matters worse, I am in **MY** version of Gensokyo (my Sukimaverse if you will), and to make matters **_EVEN WORSE_**, I am inside the small lab/library at the Scarlet Demon Ark. I... am in deep, sticky green shit.

Now, I could easily blame Yukari for my being here (as cliché as that is), but no, that sexy blonde had nothing to do with my being here. It's far worse than that for me.

I was brought here via (what I suspect) magic summoning by non-other than Patchouli Knowledge herself. "But why? Why summon me?"

That... gorgeously lovely magician is looking at me with those unfriendly, yet admittedly cute eyes and she says to me "that outfit is disgusting. And why are your legs so hairy. Ugh! Men."

With disgust, she reaches into a magical circle (the one I figure was used to get me here), rummages around, then pulls out my desired pair of pants and grey/blue (cheap brand) tennis shoes with white socks, and then tells me "here, put these on so we don't have to look at those hairy things."

That lovely, LOVELY glare is frightening, so I silently obey her command and put on my socks, then the pants, then the shoes. I toss the sandals back into the magical circle just before it closes up.

With that out of the way, I suddenly realize there's someone else in the room, and her eyes... oh those yellow eyes are looking at me with such hatred, I just know this will be more than just 'bad' for me.

That twin-tailed blonde grinning darkly at me, Chiyuri Kitashirakawa, seems to be looking for my blood, and by the looks of it, she thinks she's got it.

"Now then, since you figured out what happened this should be easier," begins the gorgeous Patchouli, hiding her face in that cute hood. I wanna pinch her cheeks. "The reason for your summoning is merely a contract forged with _this_ girl, so further questions will be directed to her."

"Willie G.R., we meet at last." Chiyuri speaks with such joy in her voice it's just wrong to assume she's got evil intents... however, those assumptions would be correct. She plans to kill me, though I only suspect this at the time.

She walks toward me, slowly, moving her hips around as she speaks. "Now then, I know the past few chapters have been merciful to me, but did you really think that after calling me a boy so many times, abuse my self confidence just because I was flat-chested; um, thanks for the new boobs by the way; and put me in so many painful, stressful, pleasurable, draining, and humiliating situations, that I would let you live if I had the chance to get you?"

Oh my God. As she walks to me (AND shakes her boobs when talking about them), I notice that sexy sway of her hips, that alluring shape of her buns and thighs, and; because of the boobs I gave her; how her shirt lifts over her cute belly which it just CAN'T cover up.

I somehow manage to avoid drooling, but I am betting my ass my face must be _red_ by now. She points at me and continues...

"**WRONG** Willieeeee! Now that you're here, it is time I exact my revenge on you, starting by shooting your precious family jewels off!"

As she says this, she pulls out a gun from her sexy pants (looks like something out of The Jetson's) and points it between my legs. There's only one thing a pathetic excuse of a man like me can do at a time like this.

I panic and curl up into a ball while I close my eyes and imagine a washtub falling on her head and knocking her out for me; and after a loud clang and a disturbing thud, I open my eyes and uncurl myself.

To my (sort of) surprise, Chiyuri lies unconscious on the floor with a goofy look on her face as the iron washtub I thought of rolls to her side and stays there. It disappears shortly after.

I grin at her misfortune, chuckle as I feel the urge of mischief rise from my chest to my head, and proceed to approach her.

I bend my knees and start poking her face while speaking playfully. "Looks like this is going to be fun for me, Chiyuri-chan~"

She groans and manages to lift her head to me just to say "curse you, you fat bastard."

I poke her harder after such an insult... although I am fat. I just don't want to hear that from her.

A silver washtub falls on my head, and now my face is level with hers. She's cute, she wants me dead, and now my head hurts. I really **am** in thick and sticky green shit.

A dark ball floats in the sky and asks "is that so~?"

* * *

3rd Person PoV:

Meanwhile, at an unknown location, Chen has discovered a field of cattails and pussy willows so vast that it looks like a lake of whites, browns and purples.

The nekomata is thrilled, overjoyed, ecstatic and overexcited as she runs straight toward this field, ready to tear down a few cattails, claw many of the fuzzy and bumpy pussy willows, and do other things to the terrain that will probably destroy or ruin it one way or another.

She giggles with glee when only a few feet away from her destination, and that's when a big lummox gets in her way. "STOP!"

Kyo stands tall and true between Chen and the large field of fun with his hand raised and signaling 'stop', and so, naturally, the cute and adorable girl stretches her claws, bares her fangs, and growls at the muscled boy. "Get out of my way human or I'll feast on your soul!"

"No Chen," begins the boy, speaking as though lives may be at stake. "Those pussy willows are **evil**! They will _DESTROY_ YOU in a minute!"

Chen scoffs at the idea, and being the proud youkai she is she walks past the boy while confidently saying "you're just being overly dramatic. I'll show you how it's-"

Kyo holds her by the shoulder and points at the field, then says "look. Look very carefully."

When she takes a good, hard and long look; and totally ignoring the innuendo I just did there; she notices the cattails are no longer there, and that now there are fluffier pussy willows swaying with the wind, and one Tewi Inaba.

"What's the mea-?" Before her question takes full form her face turns purple almost as soon as Tewi starts screaming.

The bloody, gory, horrifying screams of horror and pain make her want to cover her ears, but the cold fear taking her body prevents her from moving a single muscle, and so her face turns from purple to purplish green while she witnesses the unseen awesome carnage of total destruction that's befallen on a youkai rabbit.

As soon as the screams end, a wave of red liquid splashes near their feet, and in her search for comfort Chen looks to the boy and asks almost in tears "Mister Kyo, what the heck just hap-EH!?"

The boy is looking towards the field where Tewi was with smile so malevolently dark and viciously bloodthirsty, Chen wonders if she's stepped into one of Yukari's gaps going into another dimension.

Kyo chuckles while patting the nekomata on the head, then, still smiling so darkly at the field, he says "heh-heh; stupid rabbit."

Chen screams and tears rush out her eyes, then she runs as fast as her feet will allow her; kicking a rock sky high in the process; and thus she's now out of harm's way.

One bloody Tewi walks out of the large field and is using her arms and hands to cover her bare chest and groin, and she gives Kaizo a disgusting dirty glower while darkly saying "you won this round asshole, but next time it won't be so easy."

Though she's naked, she hands over a wad of paper money from out of nowhere to the very happy boy, who speaks while flipping the cash with his thumb. "Pleasure doin' business with cha'."

Meanwhile, somewhere in the skies, on the deck of the Palanquin, Minamitsu groans, whimpers and cries in pain while holding on to her groin on the floor. To her left sits one evil little rock that made its way there thanks to the blunt force of a cute scared nekomata.

* * *

Willie's PoV:

Well now, I'm not really sure how it happened, but I am now at the Hakurei Shrine, sitting at the veranda next to Reimu, whom seems to be extremely happy about something.

She hasn't said a single word. Man, I screwed up. I can't get help from her this way.

At least Rika is here, and she's been deciphering everything Reimu has 'said' so far, so I guess it's not all that bad. And when the HECK did I take a pussy willow? More importantly, where did it come from!?

Rika approaches me with a mug of green tea for me, bows her head slightly as she hands it over, then says "please enjoy this tea. I made it special. I hope it's to your liking."

Those sweet sky-blue eyes of hers, that radiant angelic smile, that perfect face, those cute wings, those... umm, h-her umm... curves.

I clear my throat to hide my embarrassment and blush, bow and say "thank you very much Miss Rika. I appreciate this."

Jeez, my manners really suck! I should have said 'I appreciate your efforts' instead. Alas, I am not much on mannerisms, so whatever.

I take a sip from the hot tea and immediately take a deep breath to cool my tongue (I have a cat's tongue), and manage to get a taste of the hot liquid.

I smile and let a very loud "MMMM" escape me. The gorgeously adorable angel girl smiles wider when she sees my reaction, then says "well, I'm glad you like it."

She's looking at me with a bit of concern. "Although, I didn't think you were so weak to hot tea. Do you want me to cool it for you?"

I shake my head. Somehow asking her to cool it down will be an insult to her hard work, and so I speak. "N-no, it's alright! It's perfect as it is!"

Reimu taps my shoulder and smiles widely at me. I have to admit her own smile and face can rival Rika's easily, but her chest... I must stop thinking these things. What am I, some kind of sick pervert?

Anyways, as I take the next sip of this DELICIOUS tea, Rika is kind enough to translate Reimu's silence.

"She's saying that she's glad you liked it, and;" she starts to blush "...that it goes to show that the tea m-made by me is the best. Tee-hee. That's really embarrassing to say for myself."

I smile at her as I share the feeling. I am not used to compliments, so getting one makes me feel all bashful and embarrassed and make me want to hide! It appears Rika is the same.

I am going to take another sip of tea when I suddenly feel my stomach turn onto a knot.

The pain is horribly unbearable so I drop the mug on the ground and watch the tea spill on the soil as I hold my stomach with both hands.

I look up at the angelic maid and ask her "what's happening to me? M-my stomach feels horrible!"

The two angels' smiles become sour and dark in an instant, and then Reimu flips a finger at me while Rika speaks. "That's RIGHT My Lady! Willie, this is your punishment for all the horrible things you've put **_me_** and Miss Reimu through! Now, we don't hate you, for we understand you wanted to attract attention to your fan fictions, BUT..."

She points an accusing finger at me and loudly says "that does _NOT_ excuse you of all the perverted things, the near-death experiences that just won't stop, AND your terrible grammar!"

Chiyuri jumps out of hiding behind the shrine's doors, cheers loudly as she gives Rika and Reimu a double high-five, then glares at me and says "you see Willie? Everyone here hates your guts a great deal, so if I can't kill you, then SOMEONE ELSE WILL!"

Anger. Why am I feeling anger when these girls have all the right of wanting to spill my guts all over the floor?

Between pain and rage, I seem to lose track of time, and I even fail to realize Rika is now trying to defend my life from the insane and sexy blonde sailor girl and her futuristic gun.

I don't really care... I mean, I wouldn't care if I could hear them. My rage has escalated so much that the pain in my stomach has become distant for me, and I find myself holding the pussy willow with both hands as if it were a weapon.

I swing the fluffy thing around once, twice, thrice, and now Chiyuri is screaming as she flies ten feet away from me.

Rika and Reimu hug each other and tremble in fear, although I know they could just fly and kick my ass ten times before I strike them once.

"Wait, Willie, it was just a prank! Please don't take it so personal! AHH, PLEASE!"

For some reason I can't hear the maid's pleas for forgiveness, and merely swing the pussy willow in front of myself as though I were swinging an awesome Mas*er Sw*rd or something like that.

Rika is the first to be sent off flying to the shrine's red gate, followed promptly by Reimu, and then...

"Eh? M...Miss Rika, Miss Reimu; what happened to you guys!?"

I cannot believe my eyes as I look upon the mentioned girl and take notice of the long red marks on their faces, as if some sort of sword (or perhaps a whip) had hit them; and hard!

I notices Chiyuri has the same marks as well and I call for her, but her response is a flipped finger, and for some reason that reminds me of my stomach.

I hold the painful thing and rush inside the shrine in search of a toilet when a giant round hole opens up below me and... I scream and scream and scream some more as I fall somewhere I cannot see.

"DAMN YOU WILLIE G.R.!" I scream to the air... just before it hit me. "Wait a minute! **I _AM_** Willie G.R.! AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

* * *

3rd Person PoV:

The S.S. In Your Face Murasa is flying twenty feet above the Human Village's houses, and hovers ominously in front of the sun.

"What is that? It's ghastly;" comments a random brown-haired woman while pointing at the bamboo ship.

"Ugh! Even my grandmother's carpet looks better than that thing;" comments a random man with a ponytail while holding his nose to mock disgust.

An old woman smacks the man with her cane, then says "shut your pie-hole you noob! You wouldn't know what's good even if it sits in front of yas!"

One of the ship's cannons starts firing at a rapid pace, and then several houses get pelted by pussy willows.

"What the fu-?" is what a random, black haired woman shouts before everyone starts screaming their heads off and running around uselessly.

At the ship, Lily White sits on the special seat of a rather exaggerated cannon that keeps firing a shot every second.

She lifts her fist to the air and cheers "GET READY TO LAND MY HERALDS OF SPRING!"

She grabs a handle with red buttons on it and moves it, making the cannon move along, then resumes firing while shouting "**it's spring mother********eeeeeeerrrrrrsss!**"

The pussy willows break down walls, knock out doors, crack roofs, and shatter windows while the villagers can only scream and run around in circles like idiots.

After that, while Lily shoots the other side of the village, Yumemi, Renko, Maribel, Sakuya and Sanae; whom wear bunny-girl leotards and fairy wings, AND are accompanied by several other bunny-girl fairies; descend and quickly run toward the nearest houses.

It is safe to say that, by the looks on their faces, that most of them are very displeased, and would like nothing more than to murder someone. Regardless, they move quickly into each house.

Yumemi enters the first house, pulls a beautiful spring-flowers arrangement from her cleavage, places it on the table, then cries "it's spring. Spread the word... PLEASE KILL ME!"

The huddled couple just stares at her, so she sighs irritably and moves on to the next house.

Sanae does the same as Yumemi in the house she's in, though sounds frightened as she says "it's spring! Spread the word or else;" then runs right outside and heads to the next house while trying to cover her beautiful cleavage.

The woman in the house stares at the green and purple flowers on her table, whispers "no. Th-that can't be;" then faints with her arm placed on her forehead. How dramatic.

At the house Maribel is in, the blonde giggles after leaving her flower arrangement and gleefully says "IT'S SPRIIIING! Spread the word! BYE~"

After her enthusiastic retreat, the mother of two looks at the red, green, purple and blue flowers on her table then holds her face while screaming a bloody scream of death and despair as she falls on her knees to the ground. Her children think she's mad.

"No; NO! Get away!" The man screams as he tries to literally merge himself with the wall of his living room while Sakuya places an elegant arrangement of flowers on his table.

She looks at him with murderous eyes, struggles greatly to make a smile so disturbingly evil (instead of being cheerful), and speaks between her teeth "it's spring you bastard. S-spread the word."

She wants nothing more than to dig a hole and bury herself in it for the next 700 years or so, but she opts for walking out of the house, while Eirin is giving the shocked-to-death man mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (that lucky bastard).

Meanwhile, Renko keeps blushing deep red, shaking and sweating while pulling her flower arrangements from a bag, then, almost crying, she says "it's springs," then she sniffles. "Please spread the word."

The young man in the open-chested brown kimono lies on his side with his legs open, and with a suave voice he speaks sweetly to her. "Please, you gorgeous young lady, I do not mind your small chest size. In fact, I admire you for being brave and wear such wonderfully alluring outfit."

Instead of blushing with embarrassment, the girl is now swooning over the young playboy, and thus she walks right to him.

Maribel walks into the room, grabs her by the ear, and angrily says "let's go Miss Voice-of-Reason. He's just going to eat you and throw you away."

The playboy frowns and says "hey! That girl happens to be the type I like, so don't judge me so harshly!"

The venomous look shot from the blonde's bluish-purple eyes makes the young playboy shrink in fear and disappear under his clothes.

And so, these many scenarios play out all through the attack by Lily, whom keeps shooting pussy willows all over the ground and sky while shouting "It's spring! **IT'S SPRIIIIIINNNNG! _WAHAHAHAHAHA~~~!_**"

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, Byakuren rests on the portside (left) rails of the ship while sighing contently, then looks to the sky and says "it's so peaceful."

Minamitsu walks to her with a worried look on her face and says "Lady Byakuren, please get off those rails. You know you f-GUH!

A pussy willow hits the captain right between her legs with enough force to break a hole in her pants.

Her entire body turns red and veins pulsate all over her arms, legs and face as she drops on her knees and chokes on her groans and whimpers of immeasurable pain while holding that tender area.

While this happens, Byakuren cries from the side "help, I'm falliiiiiing!"

* * *

Willie's PoV:

So, after successfully managing to hold it in until I found a toilet (don't ask me how), I met Satori, and boy let me tell you... it was fun.

True, she had a few beefs to pick with me, but we settled it out peacefully and ended up understanding each other a lot.

"You liar," says Satori while pointing at me. "I almost killed you there. Still, I guess we did get to understand each other. Hmph."

_Well, I was trying to make it all seem less violent, but then, this gash on my left arm currently covered by this bloody bandage would have been rather difficult to explain. I'm sorry._

"It's alright," begins the cute mind reader before waving her hand dismissively at me. Aww, look how cute! She's blushing from my calling her cute!

"Quit it! Anyways, these children will see you out. Don't let the oni kidnap you~"

After all of that is said I find myself being lifted off the ground by the chibi nekos Yumemi, Ran, Damien, and Miko, and they're doing this 'hup-hup-hup' thing while carrying me. What the fuck kind of world have I created? I LOVE IT!

"DON'T SCREAM WHEN YOU THINK, IDIOT!" Satori... is obviously not pleased with my mental screaming, even though it's for a good reason. Oh well.

"Ugh! PLEASE, just get yourself a real girlfriend and let us live in peace!" She seems very anxious as she tells me this. Am I really that much of an asshole?

Anyways, you'll be glad to know I am outside now. It took the hup-hupping little nekos 13 minutes to get me out of there; keeping me away from Yuugi and her sake, and Parsee and her jealousy, and for that I give each a can of sardines.

"ANYAAAANNN~" exclaims chibi neko Yumemi, while chibi neko Ran gives me a silent thumbs up before they all leave. Such polite nekos.

And just like that I'm lying face down on the ground with something heavy and uncomfortable on my back. I swear it has shoes, or those are some really weird talons!

"So Willie, you thought a random hole would save you from me? **Wrong again**. I'M HERE!"

I sigh. I have Chiyuri sitting on my back and she's repeatedly tapping my spine with her shoe... and the tapping keeps getting harder. She asked for it.

"Is that so~?" asks the little blob of darkness behind the trees.

"A washtub fell on you!" Since my voice is coming all muffled, she asks "what?" before a silver washtub falls on her head and makes this lovely, satisfying clang sound when it hits her head.

And she falls on her right, thus making the washtub's side to drop on my head and make me see stars while the back of my head throbs and beats like a heart.

As I hold my head I roll on to the side and knock the girl off of me while I shiver in pain same as her.

"Y-you and those s-stupid... washtubs," she says to me as she tries to recover from the blow.

Once we both recover at the same time we glare at each other, stand, and then she walks over, takes my right arm, wraps her left arm around it, then points forward and say "now go! Lead me out of these woods so I can take you to my ship and punish you!"

This is all kinds of awkward, but I really shouldn't give it much thought. I guess I'll walk around and see where I lead us. By then she'll probably have forgotten about my punishment, or something weird will happen.

"Fine, but if anybody asks: I'm blind and you're just helping me keep my balance." After I say this, she gives me this funny look which makes me believe she's thinking "_what the hell did he just say?_"

I would think that too if someone told me that, but it's the best I could come up with in such short notice.

Not two minutes have passed after we start our walk when we come across Hina, who spins on the tip of her right foot while humming her own theme as she collects misfortunes. I can actually see the dark energy gathering around and inside her.

Chiyuri and I look at each other, and although I would LOVE to meet Hina, the fear in this cute blonde's eyes makes me think otherwise, but what she whispers to me next is what stops me from going to the spinning goddess. "She's been gathering for a while. At least that's how it looks like. Let's go around before she spots us."

I decide to comply without any kind of resistance, and right there; right when we take the first step away, Hina happily coos and says "oh my, what an adorable couple! Oh, but you two are so full of so much misfortune!"

She is now flying right in front of us and wearing such a sweet smile; I feel like melting.

Chiyuri obviously doesn't feel the same way. She snarls as she glares at the cute goddess, then exclaims "hey, don't get any funny ideas! He's just blind so I'm helping him keep his balance!"

_And she actually said it!_

Hina looks at us like she's thinking "_what the heck?_" and then she suddenly coos and says "aww, you're just a couple of tsunderes, aren't you? Don't worry, I won't tell a soul you're together."

Before either one of us can complain (seriously, I want to clear this up), the goddess of misfortunes stands in front of us and holds each by a shoulder, then says "now hold still while I take this misfortune from you."

"Are you sure? Hina, my stuff is pretty rough." I give her a very worried look while speaking.

She merely chuckles at me and says "don't you start worrying about me Willie, I can take it. And don't give me that look; we all know who you are. We all have internet with external access, regardless of how things may seem here in Gensokyo."

After saying all of that, she taps both our heads, and then starts spinning in place; and OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT! The cloud of misfortune coming out of Chiyuri is dark purple, but mine... it's black. WHAT THE FUCK?

She stops her spin and I immediately notice something odd; she looks as though she's high; or perhaps drunk.

And true enough, her speech is slurred and clumsy. "W-whell... ush can hank me l-hater. I, uh..."

She suddenly stops, sobs, then says "oh, whatsh the use. It ish all for no-hing! I'll be al-lone be-because it's not fair!"

Ok, I have to admit, I feel lighter, a little more optimistic, and even healthier, but seeing Hina like this gives me a sense of guilt.

Before I can try and comfort the goddess Chiyuri cheerfully says "no, no, if you touch her now you could die. Now come on Willie, let's get out of this forest!"

"Chiyuri?" is all I can say before the cute blonde starts skipping and singing her merry way to the wood's exit with my arm still trapped by hers.

I don't mind, seeing as there's a cute and happy girl pulling on my arm like that, but I wonder if the effects of the cleansing have a time limit or something. Should I be worried?

* * *

3rd person PoV:

Meanwhile, the Palanquin is under attack by pussy willow-wielding buccaneer fairies and humans who want the honey, and they are not leaving without it.

Byakuren walks over to Cirno, throws a blanket on the floor, serves the tea and sweetly calls "come and get some dear fairy."

She notices the doubt on the ice fairy's face, so she serves herself some tea, drinks it, then smiles sweetly while saying "see, it's really good. Here, have some."

Cirno sighs with relief and kneels in front of the saint, takes some tea and a bit of cake, and says "wow, you're really nice. I'm glad. I didn't want to fight anyways. I'm not feeling so good."

She eats a bit of cake, sips a bit of tea, and drops like lead on the mantle.

Byakuren chuckles sweetly and says "bitch goes down;" and while she wraps her victim in the sheets she says "you really should have been more careful of the icing sweetie. I'm immune to the kind of sleeping powder used to make it~."

At the other side of the ship, Minamitsu uses her ladle to defend herself form Lily White and her pussy willow.

The fairy swings sideways and the ship ghost blocks with the ladle, then she jumps and holds her wooden weapon with both hands as she comes down at full force.

Lily twirls left and slaps the captain on the face, then swings her pussy willow at her opponent's mid section, but Minamitsu pushes her hips back while tucking her stomach in to avoid the attack.

The fairy swings again and manages to take the weapon off of the black haired girl's hand, so Minamitsu hops back, grabs a Shou (who immediately complains), and swings with the mighty force of the gods. She hits Daiyousei on the head.

After the successful distraction the captain runs over to get her weapon back and strikes a few fairies on the head with it, turning them to magical seeds that turn into flowers the second they touch the ground.

Lily growls, spits to her right; causing an explosion that blows Mamizou and Nazrin to the sky; then roars as she charges toward Minamitsu.

The captain throws a punch that's sure to connect with the fairy's face, but the sneaky bitch ducks and punches down below, however she misses the mark and hits the captain's stomach.

Minamitsu gulps and stares in shock and surprise, but recovers quickly enough to kick Lily on the stomach and send her away from that weak spot, then shouts "this has gone LONG ENOUGH!"

She takes a spell card and declares "Harbor Sign, Ghost Ship's Port," and seconds later there are several anchors flying all over the sky and crashing against everything and anyone that gets in their way while trailing dangerous water bullets behind them.

Girls, fairies and The Cloud scream out loud as the anchors and bullets do their painful job, and then the spell card times out and Murasa sighs with satisfaction before dusting her hands and saying "a job well done, mates!"

While she admires the mess she made, Lily White stands between the knocked out bodies of Byakuren and Nue, and while staring darkly at the captain she hisses "you missed."

A little black ball flies erratically in the air while asking "is that so~?" It explodes without any kind of reason to do so. It just explodes.

Minamitsu and Lily charge at each other then clash ladle and pussy willow to their left, then above their heads, then their right, then they push each other back when trying to swing again but end up stumbling backward, and then they rush forward again.

They are now face to face while pushing each other back with their respective weapons, thunder strikes, lightning illuminates the already-sunny skies, and for some reason there is a fairy selling ointment on the ship.

The girls push each other back one more time and immediately charge at each other, but this time the captain claws her right hand and strikes with it instead of her ladle.

She tickles Lily's armpit until said fairy is nothing but a laughing blob on the floor, but it doesn't end there! The Captain removes her opponent's shoes and tickles her toes, then pokes her neck and napes, until finally the fairy manages to raise the white flag between twitches and laughs.

Minutes later, Minamitsu and the bandaged Byakuren are overseeing the fairies as they fly off their ship, and once they are all gone the captain happily says "and next time you try to take our honey you better bring more backup!"

The monk woman merely giggles to hide her slight annoyance over having lost her ice fairy after being crushed by a giant anchor, and then just walks away toward Shou, who's curled up in a corner while shivering uncontrollably. (Well she WAS used like a club.)

The captain notices one of the pussy willows used against them is on the floor and gets curious about it, so she picks it up. She explores it carefully, swings it around lightly, then tosses it behind herself and shrugs while saying "eh; looks normal to me."

The pussy willow knocks Byakuren on the back of the head and forces her to fall head-first on Shou's forehead. This ends up with those two unconsciously kissing. What a shame.

After hearing the yelp and groan the captain turns around and gets struck between the legs by the returning pussy willow; which bounces off her and continues spinning its merry way somewhere off the ship.

Minamitsu lies on her sides while groaning and gagging on her own breath while holding the sweet spot between her legs and trembling in horrible pain. The hard-working Nazrin is not amused.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Shinki and her small leotard-wearing (and very sexy) group of Mai, Sara and Luize are exploring a dark dungeon for gold and jewels.

Said dungeon is actually an abandoned and forgotten castle from the outside world that's got vines growing out of its bedrooms and several other types of greenies that seem to have taken over the place.

The girls are currently on the top floors, and have already found golden bracelets, a few loose jewels, some rolls of paper towel, the very first copy of the first N*ntendo P*wer ever printed, and some Twinkies.

Mai yelps, jumps and holds her butt as she run behind Shinki, and then exclaims "something touched me!"

The girls look back the dark corridor they are in (though for their eyes is bright enough), and then Luize chuckles and says "maybe you just need to eat something. Here, I brought some sandwiches."

The winged ice witch snaps and shouts "I am not hungry you idiot. Something slithery, long and slimy touched my butt!"

Sara chuckles before taking a bite off her sandwich, and after a quick and un-delicate swallow of food she says "who knew the great Mai would be afraid of the dark now."

Before the winged girl can bark back, Luize starts screaming when her sandwich starts biting her face and head.

She grabs her confused lunch and cries "who knew Yuki's hot sauce was this powerful!"

Shinki chuckles, seemingly confused, and asks "you used Yuki's hot sauce? She puts that **** on everything."

The girls stare at their goddess and wonder where that reference came from, but disregard it and start to eat their lunches before those sandwiches eat THEM.

Her three daughters yelp and Shinki twists, twirls and sways in place while extending her arms and moving them around to block, cut, and deflect some unseen threat.

After the attacks on her stop she looks toward the back, deeper into the darkness, and says "well, well, I was wondering when you were going to make your move... Yuka Kazami!"

The lamps at the corridor light up to reveal the large dance floor (of DOOM), and at the center of the room is the beautiful, yet terrifying flower youkai with a dark smile on her cute face.

She sits on a throne of white roses (which look quite comfortable) as she coos in a welcoming manner, and says "well, well, Goddess Shinki and her Leotard Babe Squad. What brings you to this old abandoned castle?"

The Goddess of Makai stands firm, points at the flower master, and says "first release my girls; then we shall talk."

Yuka shrugs with a small grin on her face, and then her vines gently drop the three girls on their feet around their leader.

"Ah! My sandwich," cries Luize after a sneaky white flower on her vine takes her lunch for itself. The cute blonde is now crouching next to her sister and drawing imaginary lines on the hard floor with her finger while pouting every so adorably.

With her girls safe around her, Shinki smiles, claps her hands softly in front of her chest, and smiles very dearly towards the flower youkai when saying "thank you. As why we are here; well we're just exploring and looking for some booty."

Everyone except Shinki herself (and the pouting Luize) blush while looking around uncomfortably, then Sara whispers "Lady Shinki, aren't we looking for treasure?"

The goddess looks curiously at her daughter and says "that's what I said, but I said it more piratey. 'We're looking for some booty, yar!' Doesn't that sound more like pirates?"

Yuka punches the armrest of her throne and breaks a few flowers in the process, and angrily says "you disgusting perverts! And here I was about to share my loot with you! Screw it; there's no way I'm letting these perverts here leave without just punishment!"

Thorny vines slither out of the dark ceiling and surround the girls, forcing them to huddle together in fear (while Luize is still sulking about her sandwich), when Yuka screams in agonizing pain and all the vines drop to the ground as though dead.

The flower master screams "HYAAAAAAA! Get it off, _GET IT OFF!_ HAAAAAUUUUUUU" as the killer sandwich takes a bite out of her gorgeous butt and perfect chest.

Yuka tries shooting at it, but the thing is so small and nimble it's like shooting smoke. "What the hell _IS_ in that little shit anyway!?" She grunts when she finds herself on her back on the floor while wrestling the evil lunch away from her face.

Luize stands up at last and starts to count with her fingers while saying "well there's Makai ham, Makai cheese, Makai grape tomatoes; dried with our evil ovens; and Yuki's homemade hot sauce."

Yuka is now groaning and moaning pleasurably while Shinki smiles as she quickly adds "she puts that **** on everything!"

The flower master is gasping repeatedly until she suddenly screams. Meanwhile the leotard-clad girls stare at their mother, then Mai says "no offense Lady Shinki, but you're acting a little silly today." She rapidly thinks "_more like stupid, but I won't say that to my mom..._"

The Makaian goddess flaps her hand around to calm her girls down, then says "come on girls, enough of that. Let's just help Miss Yuka and put an end to our misunderstand-ing?"

Yuka and the sandwich lie buck-naked under the futon sheets, and each is smoking a lollipop while tossing away some dirty tissues. She looks at the disgusted girls and asks "what? Don't tell me you never had s*x before?"

A wave of raging water rushes over the Makaian girls, making their clothes transparent, however you cannot even imagine it because there's a big red curtain covering them up and only allowing those that paid the R-18 fee to see.

Rumia walks by. She's covered in bandages and burn marks, but she's still smiling. She looks straight forward, smiles, and asks "is that hentai~?"

* * *

Willie's PoV:

So, last time you saw me, Chiyuri and I were facing the 7-headed dragon of the Sanzu River's Cursed Ride. Ever since then she and I have come to an understanding, but even so she insists that I must pay for what I have done to her in the past.

Since I have no money, she's taken me to her ship and locked me up in the brig, where flowers are blooming everywhere, and where Bunny Girl Sakuya is staring darkly at me while holding some knives between her fingers.

Oh my goodness that perfect face, those gorgeous blue; er, I mean now-red glowing eyes, that elegant pose and curvy body, those LEGS! I know, I know, I'm in deep shit right now, and I shouldn't be this perverted about it, but MAN, that maid is just so gorgeous!

AHEM! So anyways, as she glares at me so darkly she pokes the handle of her knives while saying "so, you're finally trapped. You know how embarrassing it's been for me? Do you have any idea how sick I feel of being forced to wear this embarrassing outfit out in public, just so you and your readers can have a good laugh and enjoy my figure at my expense? I should slit your throat right here and now."

I gulp for two reasons. One, this Beautiful Flower of the Moon has gotten closer and so I can admire her features even more (cleavage peek); and I'm blushing. Two, because she's got her knives on hand and it looks like she's going to take advantage of the fact that I'm in this tiny cell where I can't move and nobody can hear me scream.

Her face suddenly intensifies and then she starts screaming at me "you PERVERT! I'm here threatening to end you life and you're just thinking lewd things about my body! You just want to do nasty things to me, even though I am going to kill you! I HATE YOU!"

I frown. She's half right about one thing, but I have to set things straight! "Hey, stop calling me a pervert and putting strange things in my mind! Okay, I'll admit I find you extremely attractive, but I'm not thinking anything too lewd; I'm just hoping whatever torture you have planned for me ends quickly!"

She frowns! She didn't believe me! She grabs me by the neck of my shirt and pulls me so hard I think she's trying to crush me by pulling me between those bars. She glares into my eyes for a moment and then says to me "don't! lie! to me! Perverts like you sicken me! Always playing innocent when all you are truly wanting is to ravage a woman and make her feel good and make her addicted to you! You sick bastard!"

At this point I get mad, and somehow I find myself striking the maid on the head with a purple pussy willow (where the fuck did it come from?) While she's crouching on the floor and holding her head I speak firmly. "Now you listen and you listen good; yes, it's true what you say, but I don't act on those thoughts or give in to instinct! I have _good_ self control and I am a good guy, and right now my main concern is on how to get the hell out of here alive and without going through pain!"

She looks up to me and our eyes connect. For some reason I can't feel the knife she's thrown on my head and thigh while I stare back at her and eventually reach an understanding. Phew! Thank goodness.

Meanwhile, a tiny white flower flutters its way to the keyhole of my cell door, and the thing explodes with so much force I am thrown off my feet and I can feel my back breaking through the hard bamboo walls.

The pain is painfully horrible but I can't move, and what's worse, now I'm over the clouds as I wait for the timely-gravity effect to take place.

"WAAAAHHHH-OOF!" I have fallen back on to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's deck, and while I rub my horribly sore back I can hear Chiyuri giving commands through the intercom. "WILLIIIIIEEEEEE! Girls, the fat idiot has escaped! Find him, beat him up, and get him to my bed-err, to my room... Oh, JUST GET HIM!"

Oh, I don't know what she means by "her room", but I'm not sticking around to find out; I'm OUTTA HERE!

And so I jump off the starboard (right) side of the ship and land on the deck of the ship. "Damn it all, what the HELL kind of world have I created?"

Yumemi, Maribel and Adult Flandre (wait, what?) burst out the cabins' door and the redhead immediately points at me as a red exclamation mark appears above her head, and shouts "take him alive! Chiyuri wants to use the happy stick on him!"

I cry and whimper as I run to the bow in hopes of finding some sort of escape, but I quickly learn a very valuable lesson: There really isn't much room to run or places to hide when on a ship in the middle of the sky.

I am now on the floor and pushing myself away from the evil girls that surround me and want nothing more than to punch new holes in my body with their pussy willows.

Adult Flandre sighs and says to me "I'm sorry Willie, it's nothing personal, but I'll have to make you hurt a lot."

I smile and chuckles softly at them as I pull a grey remote with a green and red buttons on the front, I place my thumb on the blue button that I didn't mention, and say "funny, because this isn't personal either girls. Just saving my butt from whatever she's dreaming about me."

And so I push the button. The ship's engine explodes and this sucky vessel falls straight down; but it's not over.

The moments I'm safely on the ground (don't ask how I got there so fast) the engine on the Palanquin crackles as the magic electricity shorts out, and then it explodes with such force that the Unnamed Ghost Ship is caught in the blast and is sent flying straight against the S.S. Glass Leotard.

I watch with great satisfaction as the ships fall down, and then to my left I hear Shikieiki (who wears a beautifully elegant blue kimono) say to me "Willie, you do realize your final judgment will befall on me now, right?"

I gulp loudly and then nod to her statement, so she continues "good. That means you will make sure to grant me more perks in this insane world you have created, correct?"

Again I nod. I am too afraid to face her so all this time I keep looking forward as stiffly as a wooden board.

She won't have that and stands in front of me, making me relax at the sight of her pretty face (those blue eyes and soft smile), and then says to me "that is good. Oh and please make sure Komachi's swimsuits and leotards are a little tighter. I want to explore every detail of her body. Can you do that for me?"

I blush at the thought of that beautiful shinigami in tight clothes and nod to her requests, and then I somehow manage to speak softly to her. "I can do those things. So, um, you won't punish me or lecture me?"

She pats me on the head twice and says to me "nah, you've had more than enough for today; though I will ask that you take these lessons learned here today and apply them to your everyday life. Maybe that way your sentence won't be as sever."

I shake a bit at the thought of a sever sentence in hell, and then Mystia's Unnamed Restaurant explodes with such violence and force that the ground shakes, some houses at the Human Village collapse, and the pussy willows that fly to the air spread far and wide, breaking a few holes on the Great Barrier.

As we observe this scene in silence (Shikieiki and me I mean), we watch as Chiyuri falls on her back on the ground with her knee lifted, and how Minamitsu falls in such a manner that her groin connects with the raised leg. I can't help but grimace at the sight.

I sigh. After all it is my fault this happened, so I walk over to The Captain, offer some comforting words and coos, and then she punches me in the face and knocks me out.

* * *

I wake up back at Patchouli's small lab/library at the Scarlet Demon Ark. The atmosphere seems less tense than last time I was in here.

"Ah, you're awake." I can hear her sweet voice talking as though she's calm, relaxed and friendly. Uhh... am I really still in that crazy Gensokyo?

She's right in top of me, looking down with those pretty, yet unfriendly eyes of her as she softly says "I can see it in your eyes. You should know that yes, you are still here. I just thought it would be impolite of me to send you back home without first saying goodbye."

I smile at her. Heh, I guess I can cut the charade now, so as soon as I sit up I hold her hand and say to her "well that would be quite rude indeed sweetheart."

She chuckles so fucking cutely I just want to eat her up! She helps me to my feet and leads me to the magic circle that leads straight to my room, and sweetly says "well, here you go. Back home safe and sound."

We look at each other and smile, and then she frowns and grabs the collar of my shirt, pulls me closer, surprising and scaring me a bit, and then we plant one hell of a passionate kiss that sends shockwaves all over the ship.

I chuckle afterwards, hold both her hands, and look at her before I speak, but that's when I notice the epic-shocked face Chiyuri's making. She can barely speak when she says "y-y-you? H-h-h-her!? WHAT THE HELL!? WHAAAAT!?"

I look straight toward her and the reader and grin quite confidently. "Yeah, that's right, me and Patchouli. Got a problem? You jealous? You gonna say something about self-inserts aren't 'cha!? Well I don't care cuz I wrote this!"

We give each other another kiss just to spite the captain wannabe, and then I enter that magic circle leading back home.

But before I am gone Okuu (that cute hell raven is so ADORABLE) whimpers. I turn around to meet her tear-filled face as she asks me "I didn't do good? The explosion ending was bad?"

I gasp. I can't believe I almost forgot! I smile at her, rub her head to comfort her, then I give her some shiny stones and coins and say to her "I'm sorry Okuu, I almost forgot. You did a great job so please enjoy your gifts."

The ADORABLE bird girl jumps in place and flaps her wings while cheering and holding those shiny items against her chest. I can't help but blush and go "awwww" at the sight, and this makes Patchy a bit jealous, so I blow a kiss at her before she closes the gate.

* * *

3rd Person PoV:

Kyo, Agava, Tewi, Minamitsu, Byakuren, some fairies, Chen, Ail, and Sanae are all sitting around a campfire and roasting marshmallows.

The muscled boy takes his marshmallow away from the fire and then says "weird chapter, no Restaurant, change in points of view, and only two pirate events... I tell you, things are getting out of hand."

While everybody nods Yumemi approaches the fire, sits between Yuka and Shinki (and yes, everyone is as surprised to see them as you are), and after a long and tired sigh she says "there's nothing we can do. We are mere entertainment for a bunch of people, and what's worst, the one calling the shots in this world is a lonely old virgin lunatic."

A washtub falls on Yumemi's head and knocks her out, then it rebounds on Shinki's temple, then on Yuka's, and then it goes straight between the legs of Kaizo Yumeda.

The muscled boy curls up into a ball on the ground while holding his jewels, while most of the girls laugh at his pain.

Minamitsu stands up and exclaims "SHUT UP! That's NOT funny!" She then goes to Kyo and rubs his back while purring and cooing, and actually helps comfort him a great deal while his pain slowly subsides.

Byakuren congratulates the ship ghost and helps the boy with her magic, while the rest of the people that were there are now fighting for their lives as they make their way out of the bloodthirsty pussy willow fields.

Agava flies above them all, watching as some fall victims of the carnage, and wonder why the HELL aren't they flying over the field as well.

It may have been a very weird one, but a very important lesson was learned: Nut shots are NOT funny!

* * *

To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Kyo, Ail and Agava were created by Willie G.R. (whom stars as himself in this mess.)

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper, while his chibi neko is derived from Carnival Phantasm.

Credits for the many references where it's due.

JUL 21 2013

Written by

Willie G.R.

* * *

Tenshi: Wow, Willie I'm speechless. You went and screwed yourself over several times.

Me: Well I have to admit I deserved some of those. Still, I'm glad Chiyuri's over me. Now I can go see Patchouli-chan whenever I want without fear of being killed suddenly.

Tenshi: Do you think you're safe? I'm still here you know.

Me: But you have no beef with me.

Tenshi: Well Rika did get back at you for all the shit you put her through so... I guess...

Me: See?

Tenshi: Still, what's with that bookworm? You must have done something to her. Those kisses seemed fake!

Me: Uhh, I-I don't know what you're talking about!

Satori: Like I said to you before. Go get yourself a real girlfriend and leave us alone.

Tenshi: HA-HAA! BUSTED! Oh my.

Me: *Depressed again*


End file.
